Capital 27

CAPITAL TA L E S O F T H E C I T Y

MURRAY CHRISTMAS DECEMBER 2015

ISSUE 27

NETBALL REBOUND

$4.90 21 GOOD STORIES

GINGERBREAD HOUSE

What possible right would New Zealand have to create a world-class contemporary art museum?

We’re world-class when it comes to growing stuff.

And we’re world-class when it comes to knocking people over, rowing quickly and throwing things a long way. So why set out to build a world-class contemporary art museum in New Plymouth?

Because there’s no point wasting everyone’s time creating one that’s average. And because art makes the world a bigger place. It lends you someone else’s brain for a minute. It throws your gaze on places you wouldn’t otherwise see. The job of the Govett-Brewster is to provoke. The point, surely, of visiting an art museum is to feel something. We get that you can live a life that’s insulated but we just can’t see the point. The value of experience lies in the depth of feeling.

So we want to make you angry. In fact, we suggest you stop by Giovanni Intra’s Needle in Glove.

Get angry. Get annoyed. Get delighted. But get something. Then visit the Len Lye Centre. Spend some time with his Universe. It’s beautiful and it’s puzzling and that’s ok. Then spend some time with Ngahina Hohaia’s I am your Lord. Poignant, sad and inspiring. We believe the point of art is to challenge people’s perceptions. To challenge them. Not to gently nudge them. Art isn’t mild.

Art is full-fat. Art isn’t polite. Art punches, screams and kicks. We are the Govett-Brewster.

Provocateurs since 1970.

New Plymouth, Aotearoa New Zealand govettbrewster.com

the beanery

Ground Floor Lambton Square, 180 Lambton Quay

TE P A

We are now seeking your feedback on the proposal to extend Wellington’s runway until February 2016.

PA

Visit connectwellington.co.nz to view all effects assessments and to provide your feedback. If you would like to talk to the technical experts and find out more you can come to one of our open days.

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Open Days are on: Wednesday 2 December, 12pm - 3pm, Chaffers Dock Function Centre

Thursday 3 December, 5pm - 8pm, SPCA Fever Hospital Mt Victoria

Saturday 5 December, 12pm - 3pm, Brentwood Hotel Conference Venue, 16 Kemp St, Kilbirnie

CAPITAL MADE IN WELLINGTON

THE COVER: Celebrate the silly season Art direction: Shalee Fitzsimmons & Rhett Goodley-Hornblow Model: Bridie Alman Make-up: Nat Fisher Hair: Laura, GF Hair Photograph: Ashley Church

SUBSCRIPTION Subscription rates $77 (inc postage and packaging) 11 issues

New Zealand only To subscribe, please email accounts@capitalmag.co.nz

C O N TA C T U S Phone +64 4 385 1426 Email editor@capitalmag.co.nz Website www.capitalmag.co.nz Facebook facebook.com/CapitalMagazineWellington Twitter @CapitalMagWelly Post Box 9202, Marion Square, Wellington 6141 Deliveries 31–41 Pirie St, Mt Victoria, Wellington, 6011 ISSN 2324-4836 Produced by Capital Publishing Ltd

PRINTED IN WELLINGTON

This publication uses vegetable based inks, and FSC® certified papers produced from responsible sources, manufactured under ISO14001 Environmental Management Systems

The opinions expressed in this magazine do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. Although all material is checked for accuracy, no liability is assumed by the publisher for any losses due to the use of material in this magazine.

Copyright ©. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form without the prior written permission of Capital Publishing Ltd.

H

as it been a good year in Wellington this year?

For Capital it has. Pleasingly in this era of the internet, our readership keeps growing and our distribution has increased. We are looking forward to 2016.

In the city, Pukeahu War Memorial Park has been ceremoniously opened and it is a pleasure to see it being used, and people wandering there day and night. Taxi drivers tell me that the two major warthemed exhibitions, the Peter Jackson Great War Exhibition at the Dominion Museum building adjacent to the park, and Gallipoli: The Scale of our War, at Te Papa, have brought many visitors into town.

Some things have been resolved. The Basin Reserve overpass will not go ahead and the proposed amalgamation of local governments in the region was also rejected earlier this year. However solutions to both of these questions are still some way away.

In this issue a group of interesting Wellingtonians make your book-buying easy with a list of great choices for the year. And yes, of course Conrad Smith picked teammate Dan’s book. Netball CEO Carolyn Young talks about the three-year path to winning ahead for the Central Pulse. John Kerr writes about tsunami warning lines, and Sarah Lang talks to mother-of-five Sarah Christie about her speedy house renovation. And much, much more.

In London earlier this year, staying with English friends in Wimbledon, our “broad New Zealand accents” occasioned remark. We, my husband and I, were amused and not at all dismayed that we sounded like Kiwis, but “broad” was new to us. With that in mind, and as I said last year, “we hate to let a good idea drop,” (Mary Christmas 2013, Christmas Carols, 2014) so this year we asked three Murray Christmases to share their festive treats with our readers.

We will return in January with a fresh new issue. Look out for our special summer cider tasting.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Alison Franks Editor editor@capitalmag.co.nz

CONTENTS

M U R R AY C H R I S T M A S Three local Murray's share their Christmas treats

28

GOING FOR A REB OUND

THE GINGERBREAD HOUSE

SUMMER READS

A ballsy game plan set to rebound the Central Pulse into success

The perfect Christmas centrepiece - Unna Burch shows how to create your masterpiece

We ensure you won't be caught holding a bad book this summer

38

50

58

10 LETTERS

54

LIQUID THOUGHTS

12 CHATTER

56

PERIODICALLY SPEAKING

14

NEWS SHORTS

62

BY THE BOOK

16

BY THE NUMBERS

63 HE-HE

18

NEW PRODUCTS

64

MONEY, MONEY

20

TALES OF THE CITY

66

HOUSE

24 CULTURE

74 ABROAD

26

HAERE RA

78

TORQUE TALK

36

WHAT THE FLOCK

80

WELLY ANGEL

42

TILE-O-FILE QUEST

82

BABY, BABY

44 FASHION

86

CALENDER

48 EDIBLES

88

ON THE BUSES

7

CONTRIBUTORS

S TA F F Alison Franks Managing editor editor@capitalmag.co.nz Campaign coordinators Lyndsey O’Reilly lyndsey@capitalmag.co.nz Haleigh Trower haleigh@capitalmag.co.nz Dagula Lokuge dagula@capitalmag.co.nz John Bristed General factotum john@capitalmag.co.nz Shalee Fitzsimmons Art direction shalee.f@live.com Rhett Goodley- Hornblow

Design design@capitalmag.co.nz

Tod Harfield Accounts accounts@capitalmag.co.nz Craig Beardsworth

Factotum

Gus Bristed

Distribution

CONTRIBUTORS Sharon Greally | Melody Thomas | Kelly Henderson | Janet Hughes | John Bishop Ashley Church | Benjamin & Elise | Beth Rose Evangeline Davis | Laura Pitcher | Unna Burch Joelle Thomson | Anna Briggs | Charlotte Wilson | Griff Bristed | Dean Watson

E R I NA WO O D Ph oto g r aph er

LAURA PITCHER D e si g n er

Erina comes equipped with a Bachelor of Design Degree where photography was her major. She has also completed a Media Studies Certificate, worked many years in TV, and in a professional photographic lab. Currently based in the Wairarapa.

Laura is a design and marketing student heading into her honours next year at Massey University Wellington. Born in England, Wellington has become her home away from home. Fashion enthusiast, environmentalist and passionate photo-shopper, Laura’s eager to lend a hand behind the scenes where needed.

AIDAN RASMUSSEN Writer

SARAH LANG Journ a li st

Aidan is a freelance writer who has spent much of the past decade working as a web copy writer and editor. Though Wellington will always be home, his love of other places' means he's often far away from it.

An award-winning magazine feature writer and North & South alumna, freelancer Sarah Lang, 33, is a self-confessed bookworm who lives in Mt Cook with her husband Michael.

STOCKISTS Pick up your Capital in New World, Countdown and Pak’n’ Save supermarkets, Moore Wilson's, Unity Books, Magnetix, City Cards & Mags, Take Note, Commonsense Organics, Wellington Airport, Interislander and other discerning region-wide outlets.

Ask for Capital magazine by name.

Distribution: john@capitalmag.co.nz.

SUBMISSIONS We welcome freelance art, photo and story submissions. However we cannot reply personally to unsuccessful pitches.

THANKS Nat Fisher | Laura at GF Hair | Kirsty Bunny

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Embrace the organic Christmas with Seresin Fine wines | Olive oil Certified organic Phone 03 572 9408 or visit www.seresin.co.nz

LETTERS

A BEAUTIFUL DISASTER

AND NICE TO O I was astonished to read about Miss World New Zealand (#26, November) in your magazine.

Beauty contests have fallen out of favour, so congratulations on the story. Once upon a time, beauty contests were the preserve of beautiful young women who were frequently not very bright. This one, Miss Deborah Lambie, medical doctor, athlete and entrepreneur seems to have it all. Move-over all bimbos. I am full of admiration for her and enjoyed the article.

H Walker, Wellington

I was very interested to read about (#26, November) the involvement of some of the marae in Wellington in preparing for earthquakes. I had no idea that such work was going on. Thank you for the information and, of course the lovely pictures I always see in Capital.

S Williams, Wellington

WEIRD AND WONDERFUL Yet again Capital manages to champion our city’s quirky events and unique character. In this instance I refer to Literature Lovers on p 68 of your November issue. I happened across Lit Crawl (the pub-crawl for those who want to imbibe more words than beer) last year because of Capital and went to two events – some slam poetry at Meow and a more sedate (but no less enjoyable) anecdote time with some local luminaries in the upstairs foyer of the Embassy. These unusual and niche events are what make our city so great to live in – there are cities twice our size that can’t muster the numbers to support things like this. Thank you Capital, for highlighting the weird and wonderful.

Catherine Dobson, Wilton

SHELTER FROM THE WIND How pleased I am that finally the council is planning to sell Jack Illot Green and that finally Civic Square might be enclosed and enhanced by creating a sheltered space as originally conceived by the architect and designer, the late Sir Ian Athfield.

I see once again the “no lobby” are gathering, complaining about needing green space. Green space is always good, but in this case let’s not keep a diminished and ineffective space just to keep it green.

There is green space just over the road and along at windswept Waitangi Park as much green space as anyone could surely wish for.

S Leigh, Wellington

NEW COLUMNIST I like your new humour column, introduced in the October (#25 )issue. Although I didn’t laugh out loud, it made me smile and I really appreciate that you keep adding to the mixture of articles that I am able to enjoy in Capital each month.

S Brass, Kapiti

Letters to editor@capitalmag.co.nz with subject line Letters to Ed or scan our QR code to email the editor directly.

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JEWELLERS UNITE Nook Gallery, specialising in contemporary jewellery, opened on Marjoribanks St recently. It’s the brainchild of Wellington jewellers and business partners Chloe Rose Taylor and Moniek Schrijer. “We aim to be a fresh platform for local makers,” Taylor says. Over at Workspace Studios on Abel Smith St, pop-up shop The Makers is selling Wellington-made artisanal jewellery until Christmas Day.

LIBBY MCLEOD

FESTIVE FAIRS

Art or rebellion?

I think at the time it was just being 16 and thinking I was rebellious, the art part came later.

The Thorndon Street Fair – Thorndon School’s 39th annual fundraiser on Saturday 6 December – will have 250 stalls chocker with Christmas gifts, food carts, kids’ rides, and cultural performances by schoolkids. Twenty thousand are expected.

Up the road, the Kelburn Village Party on Wednesday 9 December will be a much smaller affair, running from 3.30 to 7pm so kids can come after school. All 20 Kelburn shops throw open their doors, many offering free nibbles, and each donating contributions to the hamper raffle.

Why you chose the design?

I already had the outline of the circle and wanted the crystals, my tattoo artist Naith's magic eye did the rest!

Family – for it or against?

Against initially (there's been some home jobs they weren't pleased about) until I got a tattoo in honour of my parents, now my dad wants to get his first one.

Where is the tattoo & why?

On my forearm, the placement just worked with what I already had.

12

C HAT T E R

WELLY WORDS STEAMED UP

Photo by Benjamin & Elise

A Wellyworder who ventured into the gym (something we strongly advise against) went to the steam room after his workout to relax his muscles. Inside were two gym bunnies in the middle of a cinnamon scrub massage (you thought we were going to say something else didn’t you). He stayed for a while to be polite but had to leave as he was getting peckish. Next time he should bring dumplings and bok choi.

OVEN LOVIN’ From the “they don’t make ‘em like they used to” files: a Wellyworder who is selling the family house after 50 years reports that the first real estate agent who visited was so shocked at the pristine condition of the original oven he called a colleague over for a photo-shoot in the kitchen. The enamel remains unchipped after 18,000 odd days of pavlovas, roasts and pikelets. Somewhere we understand there’s a notice-board with a picture of a Shacklock and two guys doing a goofy thumbs-up.

BIRD BRAIN Witnessed at Zealandia a couple of steps away from the ‘Takahe can bite’ sign...“Don’t be scared kids, they won’t bite, don’t be scared, Takahe are ok”.

We’ll let you fill in the final chapter.

IT'S COOL TO KORERO Summer hols mean road trips. Since it’s illegal to leave the kids at home this may come in handy.

Kaua e hanga e araia e te motokā!

Don’t make me stop the car!

FLORA A N D FAU N A A love of nature and a whimsical style made illustrator Flora Waycott the perfect person to create Capital’s third annual Wellington teatowel. “I wanted my design to celebrate all my favourite things about Wellington,” says Flora, an English lass who’s lived here for seven years. “The quirky and unique houses have always captivated me, and I love the strong coffee.” Teatowels are available free with Capital subscriptions, see page 17 for more details.

CONFER WITH A CONIFER Ah, Christmas time – time for a real tree in the corner of the sitting room, festooned with tinsel and fairy lights. Don’t ya love it?

The smell of fresh pine needles, the hay fever, the constant vacuuming, the late night calls to the fire station when the lights short out, the yuletide insurance claim.

Through the fake frosted windows of neighbourhoods across the world you’ll see various types of trees. Here you are likely to have a Monterey pine, Douglas fir, macrocarpa or Lawson’s cypress propped up in a bucket of water near the telly.

To prolong its life, don’t whittle the trunk down at the base – water is taken up by the outer layers of the trunk.

13

NEWS SHORTS

GOLDEN TICKETS Hate paying more than $2 for the bus? You’re in luck this month. During the weekends leading up to Christmas, Wellington buses will charge just $1 for one zone, and $2 for adults and $1.50 for kids travelling two or three zones.

Wellington City Council is budgeting $200,000 to cover the extra subsidies. The plan is to entice shoppers into town to buy Christmas presents, reduce traffic congestion, and work out how many more people use public transport once the fares fall. The average Wellington bus and train fare has risen more than 30 per cent since 2006.

$

WHAT GLASS CEILING?

NOT TAKEN FOR GRANTED

BUT TING HEADS

The first-ever female Solicitor-General, Una Jagose, was announced last month.

Previously, Jagose was acting head of the Government Communications Security Bureau and, before that, worked for over a decade at the Crown Law Office. The Solicitor-General is the head of Crown Law, which supervises the prosecution of major criminal offences. Jagose will take up the position in February.

A Victoria University research project about the search for security in an age of anxiety won $580,000 in the 2015 round of Marsden Fund grants. The university’s School of Biological Sciences won five of the 13 grants awarded to Victoria, totalling $8 million. Nationally, 92 research projects share $53.54 million.

For the very first time, The Wellington Employers’ Chamber of Commerce has taken legal proceedings to challenge a decision by the Wellington City Council. The stoush is about the council’s decision that a private security contractor must pay its workers the living wage, which the Chamber of Commerce reckons is a) unlawful and b) a waste of ratepayers’ money. There’s been a lot of argybargy back and forth, but it will come down to an as-yet-unscheduled judicial review.

NEWS SHORTS

S A LT O F THE EARTH Earthlink Incorporated beat four other finalists to win the supreme Wellington Airport Regional Community Award on November 11. The Lower Hutt organisation helps people who face barriers to employment – such as mental health and addiction issues – to train for, find and keep jobs. Earthlink is also turning tonnes of unwanted clothing into children’s wear and women’s wear labels in partnership with Massey University. Wellington Airport and the Wellington Community Trust Award have jointly sponsored the past 12 annual awards, spending $180,000 between them each year.

GOING BEGGING

HUT T HOTEL

CLEVER CRIT TERS

Wellington City Council has commissioned a $50,000 report from strategic-design consultancy ThinkPlace on the interplay between retailers, residents and beggars. The council is facing pressure from inner-city businesses after a recent national Quality of Life Survey found that three in four Wellingtonians see begging on the streets to be “a bit of a problem” or worse, compared with one in five in Lower Hutt, Christchurch and Dunedin.

The report is due in January.

Lower Hutt is getting a four-star hotel to house the people who’ll visit its new events centre. Hutt Council has announced that USAR Commercial Assets Limited will build and operate a four-star hotel under the Sebel brand, adding three levels to the four-storey former BNZ building. The council also granted USAR a 20-year lease to operate the events centre. Both are due for completion in early 2017.

A lizard-monitoring trap by EcoGecko Consultants from Tawa, has won one of three 2015 WWF Conservation Innovation Awards – and $25,000 funding to create a prototype to track some of New Zealand’s 100 threatened or at-risk endemic lizard species. The design “Lure, Trap & Retreat,” is a big improvement on “bucket” traps which can let predators in, and let the lizards out.

NEW SEASON KIP & CO BED LINEN + HOMEWARE IN STORE + ONLINE NOW

SHOP ONLINE OR IN STORE AT 11 HUNTER ST WELLINGTON

BY THE NUMBERS

RO CKIN’ WAIRARAPA

125,000

7,000

60

years the Putangirua Pinnacles in the Aorangi Range have been forming through exposure to the environment (as good a guess as any according to Wikipedia) years since deforestation has accelerated the erosion that forms what is now one of the most amazing rock formations in New Zealand

SANTA BANTER

50,000

size of the crowd expected for the Wellington Christmas Parade

13

date in December when you can see Santa sitting atop a float

1949 200+

year of the first parade number of Santa’s helpers who volunteer every year

number of minutes it takes to drive from Martinborough to see them (head south)

GREEN WINE

1992

year Seresin Winery was established

5000

number of olive trees planted on the estate

20

number of years they have been farming organically

8

grape varieties grown across their three vineyards in Marlborough

TOWN BIKE

35

cost in millions of the newly approved seaside path linking Wellington and the Hutt Valley

2019

year the Transport Agency hopes construction will have started

1905

year a cycle path was first mentioned in Hansard (the archive of Parliamentary debate)

20

expected time in minutes it will take to commute by bike between the two cities (don’t forget to wave to the people gridlocked on the motorway)

WIND UP

GRATUITOUS SELF PROMOTION

77

height in metres of the proposed replacement Brooklyn wind turbine (the old one is 45 metres)

27

number of issues since we began in June 2013 (oh so much Capitally goodness)

21

age of the (now iconic) original turbine

10

490

number of houses the turbine is expected to be able to power

part-time workers plus a helpful cohort of journos, photogs, and biscuit eaters

3

cost in millions once completed in 2016

6,999 +

number of likes on our Facebook page (aw shucks you guys)

3

number of times per day that cheeky cat from next door saunters in and sits at reception asking to be fed

Compiled by Craig Beardsworth

Messiah

HanDel’S

N E W Z E A L A N D SY M P H O N Y O R C H E ST R A p r e s e n t s

Sat 12 December 6.30pm michael fowler centre w e l l i n gto n

nzso.co.nz FOR TICKET DETAILS VISIT

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CAPITAL M ADE

I N

W E L L I NG TON

SUBSCRIBE $77 for 11 issues of Capital, delivered to the your door.

Receive a limited edition teatowel designed

RECEIVE A FREE GIFT WITH EVERY SUBSCRIPTION

by Flora Waycott with every subscription*

• visit capitalmag.co.nz/subscribe • email accounts@capitalmag.co.nz with Subscribe in the subject line • or post your contact details & payment to PO Box 9202, Marion Square, Wellington

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L CAPITA

www.capitalmag.co.nz * valid on all subscriptions recieved before 25 December

Andrea du Chatenier, Lucky Man, 2015 (detail), clay, steel, pin-striped suiting, 2100 x 700 x 500mm

27 Nov 2015 – 7 Feb 2016

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NEW PRODUCTS

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12. Amai porcelain cups - $136 - Libby Beattie 13. Down to the woods sitting reindeer - $45 - Tea Pea 18

Food Writing: From Recipes to Reviews 10am-4pm, starts Saturday 30 January

The Body in the Library: Writing Crime Fiction 6pm-8pm starts Wednesday 10 February

Paris, Provence and the Painters of Modern Life 10am-12pm starts Saturday 13 February

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N N N HU OW TRIE LY R OP S 20 RY EN 0 T ..

EA .

M S

For more information visit our website www.victoria.ac.nz/conted

O

Satu rd ay, 27 Feb r u ar y 2016

All WomenÊs Great Vineyard Estate Race.

Get the girls together, grab your walking or running shoes and take on The YealandsÊ YAK.

WHERE: Yealands Estate, Seaview Rd, Seddon, Marlborough

THE YAK: A 6-hour all women team trail event around one of New Zealand’s largest vineyards – Yealands Estate on the stunning Marlborough Coast. Teams of 2-8 women walk, jog or run in pairs around vineyard trails of 2-8km. The team that collectively covers ers the most distance in 6 hours wins! And when you’re not hittingg the trails, it’s the perfect time to take a break, catch up, enjoy the company and have a good yak.

SECTION HEADER

TA L E S O F T H E C I T Y

OH CHRISTMAS TREE

B R E A K FA ST:

CAFE

DRIVE

Leuven Belgian Beer Cafe

Clareville Bakery near Carterton

Greytown to Lake Ferry

FAV E X M A S TREE The Norway spruce

PETS Four chickens, all called Betty

WRITTEN BY SARAH LANG | PHOTOGRAPH BY ERINA WOOD

In the Wairarapa, meteorologist Paul Mallinson is known as The Christmas Tree Man

B

y day, Paul Mallinson is a severe-weather forecaster at MetService. No, he’s not perpetually stern – he’s the guy who issues warnings when severe gales, heavy snow, or thunderstorms are in the wind. Commuting from Greytown to Wellington, Paul usually works 6am–2pm shifts; four days on, two days off. “But when I'm home, my life revolves around Christmas trees.” On their Greytown lifestyle block, he and wife Monica grow and sell 700 classic Christmas trees, planted in orderly rows across 1.8 hectares.

Nearly all the trees are pre-ordered online from October, or during a reservation weekend in late November, so only a few are left for people who drop by in December. Paul doesn’t open the gates until 5 December, as trees cut any earlier won’t last through Christmas. Four university and high-school students help them cut and wrap the trees, though some people like to do it themselves. When the gates close on 20 December, the couple can relax ready for Christmas. After a January tidy-up, they take a few months off before the cycle of planting, pruning and protecting the trees begins again.

The couple, who don’t have children, met while travelling in Greece. After 17 years in Monica’s native Canada, they moved to Wellington in 1996, when Paul joined MetService.

“We wanted to do something with a bit of land but weren’t sure what,” Paul says. They’d seen Canadian families make a ritual of choosing and cutting their Christmas trees, and wondered if a small Christmas-tree farm would work here.

They bought seven acres in Greytown, built a house, and moved there in 2004, planting radiata pines just in time to sell that Christmas.

Now pines make up only 40 per cent of their sales. People whose hayfever is triggered by pines – and people from the Northern Hemisphere – often prefer a Douglas Fir, Norway Spruce, Oriental Spruce, Leyland Cypress, or a cedar. “We offer nicely-shaped, dense trees, not just branches like you find in service stations.” They also sell Christmas wreaths, and tree-disposal bags that resemble pull-up skirts.

Monica, 59, retired as a Wellington dental hygienist last year. “She prefers to say she’s been reassigned to Christmas trees.” Paul, 63, will follow suit next year. “I don’t get much time for my amateur astronomy or trout fishing because I’m in bed at 9pm to be up at 4am for work.”

But he doesn’t mind the one-hour drive over the Rimutakas, and likes having lunch in the Botanic Garden’s Rose Garden cafe. He and Monica often drive or take the train to Wellington to stock up at Moore Wilson’s or the Sunday vege market, go for a walk along the waterfront, visit Te Papa, have dinner at Siem Reap, attend concerts like Leonard Cohen’s or shows like WOW, and visit friends. “Wellington’s so compact, and it’s a stunning place on a sunny day with light winds.”

But they like going home to the flatter land and more reliably warm climate. “Greytown has superb little cafes and businesses like the Mainstreet Deli,” Paul says “and it’s so close to Martinborough and Lake Ferry.” When they’re out and about, people sometimes recognise him as the Christmas-tree man.

Seventy per cent of buyers return year after year, especially families with young children. “It’s satisfying to know those kids will remember Christmases with our trees.”

21

STEERING THE COURSE WRITTEN BY CRAIG BEARDSWORTH | PHOTOGRAPH: TE WHAREWAKA O PŌNEKE

"Tōkihi," bellows the kaihautū. "Tōkihi" we reply as we plough our paddles into the water.

Our kaihautū (captain) Tuparahuia Pita stands in the middle of the waka, keeping 20 of us in time by declaiming haka or simple repeated words (tōkihi means "to dart along"). He has a deep booming voice that projects across the water, and we attract a bevy of on-shore spectators. I am in the middle of the Frank Kitts Lagoon on a Te Wharewaka o Pōneke Waka Tour.

The tours are organised by Taranaki Whanui ki Te Upoko o Te Ika, a collective of descendants of people who migrated from Taranaki to Wellington in the 1820s. The first tour pulled away from the jetty a year ago. Since then there have been at least two tours a week from the Wharewaka on Frank Kitts Lagoon. Operations Manager Christine Fox, a kaiurungi (steerer) on the waka, tells me about the project

before training starts. She greets me with a kiss on the cheek and I am reminded that this is not the crisp standoffish corporate world but in effect a mini marae experience. “We want this to be accessible to all people. All calls and responses are in Māori but it’s easy to learn” Fox explains.

Training begins with a formal welcome onto the Wharewaka; we must sing a song together and introduce ourselves in Māori.

The tour experience is not just a matter of paddling about in a canoe, but involves an immersive, non-threatening encounter with Māori custom and tradition. Our on-land trainer and second kaihautū Mathieson Ammunson-Fyall teaches us the calls we must listen out for, and paddling techniques. Within an hour of meeting we are out on the water and showing off our pūkana (wild stares) to the landlubbers.

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Wishes everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

CULTURE

SINGSONG Calling all secret shower singers: you’re invited to the New Zealand Symphony Orchestra’s free singing workshop at Te Papa on 5 December. If you can’t hold a tune, catch the free annual concert that afternoon. On 12 December at the Michael Fowler Centre, the NZSO performs Handel’s Messiah for the fourth year running.

Although visiting Brit Nicholas McGegan has conducted the Christmas oratorio 150 times, it’s his first time leading it in Australasia. Star soprano Anna Leese flies home to join three other vocalists and the NZSO’s Messiah Chorale, a 60-person choir formed especially for this performance.

MELTING MOMENT

FILM FRIENDLY

SHINING LIGHT

Pianists Michael Houstoun and Emma Sayers will play Wellington composer Karlo Margetic’s double concerto Melting Furniture in its world premiere at the Michael Fowler Centre on 5 December. It’s part of Orchestra Wellington’s final concert of the year and the last instalment of its Tchaikovsky series.

They’ll play Tchaikovsky’s monumental sixth symphony Pathétique and – in a nod to Tchaikovsky’s influence on Stravinsky – the latter’s light, lively Scherzo à la Russe.

Wellington’s still the film capital. According to the latest Screen Industry Survey, Wellington’s share of the country’s post-production work rose to 82 per cent last year, and its businesses earned $645 million from feature films. In this age of digital convergence, Film Wellington changed its name to Screen Wellington in November, but it’s still doing the same thing: providing free advice for filmmakers (or screenmakers) scouting for Wellington locations and crew.

Light House Cuba has won the 2015 AIDA Best New Zealand Cinema Award at the 70th Australian International Movie Convention on the Gold Coast. “I couldn’t make it over,” says co-owner Simon Werry, “but I was buzzed to get the news.” Opening in 2012 to join sister cinemas in Petone and Pauatahanui, Light House Cuba has become a firm favourite thanks to its strong indie-film line-up and big, comfy chairs.

CULTURE

SHORT AND SWEET Wellington casting director Tina Cleary, who cast Boy and Top of the Lake, was shocked to beat out well-known actresses including Kate Elliott to win Show Me Shorts’ StarNow Best Actor award. “I was so surprised when I heard my name,� says Cleary, who picked up the prize at the Auckland opening night of the national short-film festival. Director Jamie Lawrence and producer Kelly Kilgour had to persuade her to audition for their short film Cub. Another Wellingtonian, Mhairead Conner, won the Special Jury prize for producing science-fiction short UFO.

SHOWSTEALER

NEW YORKB OUND

CHRISTMAS WISHES

At four metres wide and 18 metres long, this year’s supreme Wallace Art Award winner –Tongan Tapa Cloth by Visesio Siasau – takes up a lot of space. Its sheer size makes it the centrepiece of the travelling exhibition of the award winners and finalists at Pataka in Porirua (27 November – 13 February). Showing works by 50 of this year’s 85 finalists, the exhibition spans painting, sculpture, video, drawing, photography and printmaking.

Amelia Berry, a 27-year-old opera singer from Porirua, is one step closer to becoming an international opera singer thanks to a $10,000 AMP Scholarship. She was one of 12 to win national scholarships.

Berry, who has had lead operatic roles in New Zealand and Australia, will use the prize money to spend five months in New York for the 2015/2016 audition season.

Musical comedy A Christmas Karel Capek (Bats, 4-19 December) is the first-ever Christmas show by theatre troupe The Bacchanals. Members David Lawrence and Brianne Kerr play misanthropic versions of themselves who build a robot to do all their human interaction during Christmas. Bring a can of food or unwrapped gift for Wellington City Mission and you’ll pay $15 rather than $20.

At Lower Hutt’s Little Theatre, Geraldine Brophy reprises her one-woman family comedy Mrs Merry’s Christmas Concert (16-19 December).

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OBIT

HAERE RA This year, the death of three prominent Wellingtonians left big gaps in the city, especially in the arts.

IA N AT H F I E L D New Zealand’s best-known architect, Sir Ian Athfield, died in January aged 74, shortly after being knighted for services to architecture. Rejecting bland modernist architecture, he designed striking, innovative homes, and commercial and community buildings that changed the face of Wellington. Most notably, he oversaw the redevelopment of Civic Square and designed the Wellington Central Library; many wished he’d got the Te Papa commission. His Wellington company Athfield Architects became one of the country’s leading architectural firms, also opening offices in Auckland and Christchurch. Hundreds gathered at his Khandallah home with its exterior igloos to farewell the friend and raconteur known as Ath.

JOHN TODD Sir John Todd died in July aged 88, four years after retiring from the Todd Corporation. During his 24 years as chairman, the family business grew into a $3-billion global conglomerate with wide-ranging business interests. In 2012, John was knighted for services to business. However, he was just as well known for his beloved philanthropy. In 1972, John and two other family members established the Todd Foundation. First as trustee, then as chairman, John focused on helping children and families through the foundation, which has given $59 million in today’s dollars. He was also a generous patron of the arts.

PETER M C L E AV E Y After a long battle with Parkinson's, Peter McLeavey (ONZM) died in November, aged 79. From humble beginnings selling contemporary art from his flat, Peter became one of the country's leading art dealers. For 45 years, he ran the Peter McLeavey Gallery upstairs on Cuba Street, discovering and drawing attention to important New Zealand artists including Colin McCahon, Toss Woollaston, Len Lye and Gordon Walters. He held more than 500 exhibitions. When he became too sick to continue, he handed over the gallery to his daughter Olivia in 2011. However, interested in art to the end, the month before his death, he was still hanging paintings at the gallery.

26

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F E AT U R E

M U R R AY CHRISTMAS

WRITTEN BY SARAH LANG PHOTOGRAPHY BY RHETT GOODLEY-HORNBLOW PHOTO EDITING BY ANNA BRIGGS

With another year of work nearly over, and summer days stretching out in front of us, Christmas is the time of year we can sit back, relax and spend quality time with our families.

SARAH LANG asked three Murrays to tell us about their Christmas and serving their signature dishes on Christmas Day.

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marae

F E AT U R E

M U R R AY M A C R A E Most people who make meringues use electric beaters, but not Murray MacRae. He, his wife Julie and their 18-year-old son Callum insist on beating their Christmas meringues by hand. “Hand-beating is part of the ritual. Also, we’re religious about putting the sugar in one spoon at a time and we reckon that does make them better.” It takes half an hour, and Murray is usually the last one standing after the others retire with sore arms.

Murray, who teaches marketing as Entrepreneur-In-Residence at Massey University, treats Julie’s family as his own, since his parents have passed away and his sister lives down south. “Christmas is very special to me, because everyone

is together.” Julie, who spends her working weeks in Nelson running the Suter Art Gallery, takes a long Christmas break back home in Miramar.

On Christmas Day, Murray, Julie and Callum take the meringues to Julie’s parents’ place, also in Miramar, for a potluck dinner. Julie’s sister Anita, who hunts, brings game meat; her sister Rhonda brings chocolate cake topped with pebbles; and her brother Owen is in charge of dessert. There are two dishes of everything so no one has to reach over the table. “We pull Christmas crackers, tell all the bad jokes, wear the silly hats, and explode some party poppers. Then we walk to Scorching Bay to work off all that food.”

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F E AT U R E

M E LT- I N - YO U R - M O U T H M E R I N G U E S 1 lemon 6 egg whites 2 cups caster sugar 1 tsp vanilla essence 1 tsp malt vinegar 1 tsp cornflour

Wipe a carefully cleaned bowl with the cut edge of a lemon to remove any grease or oil, which could ruin the meringues. Separate the egg whites from the yolks carefully, and place the egg whites in the bowl. Add caster sugar one teaspoon at a time, and hand beat the mixture for approximately 40 minutes. Use a tablespoon to form meringue blobs on the baking tray. Bake at 115 degrees Celsius for 45 minutes, then tap the meringues to see if they’re solid. If they’re not, cook until they are.

Makes around 24 meringues.

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F E AT U R E

M U R R AY P OT T S Murray Potts puts on his pinny and begins cooking for Christmas a month before the day itself. That’s when the real-estate agent makes a big Christmas cake for his family, and about 30 smaller cakes for his clients, in a ritual that’s been going for six years. Using a standard recipe recommended by a friend, he mixes in a generous splash of brandy and bakes three at a time. He covers them in cling wrap then cellophane, pops on a Christmas bow and sticks on a label that lists the ingredients and says "made exclusively

by Murray Potts.” “People like the cakes – and I like giving people something I’ve made myself, rather than just buying something.”

For Murray, Christmas day is a rare chance to spend time with his whole family: his partner Rolf, his three 20-something children, and his grandson Levi. One daughter lives over the road in Khandallah, but his son comes over from Sydney and his daughter from Melbourne. On Christmas day, Murray’s children and their families come over to his house after having lunch with their mother. So the kids have time to digest their previous meal, they often do presents before eating Christmas dinner around 8pm: glazed ham, chicken, vegetables. Rolf makes his traditional German dish, cold potato salad. “I love the food,” Murray says, “but mostly I love having everyone together”.

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F E AT U R E

M U Z Z A’ S C H R I S T M A S C A K E 1kg mixed fruit 1/2 cup brandy 1 apple, grated 1 tbsp golden syrup 1 cup brown sugar 70 grams of slivered almonds 250 grams of melted butter 4 eggs, beaten 2 cups of self-raising flour 1 tsp mixed spice glace cherries to top

Line a 23cm cake tin with baking paper.

Mix grated apple, mixed fruit, brandy, golden syrup, and beaten eggs into a large bowl. Mix in butter, then add flour and mixed spice. Pour the mixture into the tin and top with cherries. Bake for 90 minutes at 150 degrees Celsius.

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F E AT U R E

M U R R AY K I TC H I N G Don’t disturb Murray Kitching between midday and 2pm on Christmas day. He devotes these two hours to the ritual of barbecuing his pair of Christmas chickens. He bastes them with garlic, oil and rock salt, then spreads a little butter under the skin to make them crispy. To keep them moist, he sits each chicken on a half-empty can of beer; yes, he drinks the other half first. “I got the recipe from a Speight's cookbook,” Murray says. (Sorry, Speight's: it’s often cans of Fosters that do the job.) Murray only uses the end burners on the four-burner barbecue so there’s no heat directly under the meat, and slides a dish underneath to catch the juices. He bastes the chickens

every 20 minutes, until they’re perfectly cooked.

Chicken is the centrepiece of Christmas dinner, served around 2pm. Murray, his wife Liz and son Jack, 9, are joined at their house in Papakowhai, Porirua by Liz’s parents, and usually Murray’s parents come from Hawke's Bay. Both Murray and Liz are from big families, and often various siblings, nephews, nieces and other extended family are there too. “There are usually at least 12 of us.” They feast on chicken, new potatoes and salads, followed by dessert and Christmas cake. “Christmas dinner is the highlight of my day,” says Murray, a house painter. “For Jack, it’s the presents.”

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F E AT U R E

SMOKED BEER-CAN CHICKEN Ingredients: (I double these quantities) 1 chicken (around 2kg) 1 tsp runny honey 1 tbsp soy sauce 4 cloves of garlic, finely chopped ground pepper sea salt 1 can of Speight’s Gold Medal Ale handful of roughly chopped thyme 1 lemon

To make the baste, combine the honey, soy sauce, garlic, thyme, a squeeze of lemon and a few grinds of pepper. Season inside the cavity with salt and pepper, then rub the outside of the bird and under the skin with the baste. Sprinkle the skin with a little salt.

Pre-heat the BBQ to 200 degrees Celsius, then insert a half-empty can into the cavity of the bird. Stand the chicken upright, using its legs and the can to support its weight. Place on a baking dish, and put the dish on the grill. Cook for between 60 and 90 minutes, basting every 15 minutes or so. You know it's cooked when you prick it with a knife and the juices run clear, and when the drumstick can be twisted easily.

Remove the tray from the BBQ and let the chicken cool for 5 to10 minutes. Carefully remove the can, and carve the bird.

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W HAT T H E F L O C K

M A MA H E RON Name: White-faced heron. Māori name: Matuku moana or matuku. Also known as blue heron or blue crane.

Status: Native (self-introduced) and abundant.

Habitat: Occurring throughout Australia, New Guinea and New Zealand, white-faced heron first appeared here in the 19th century but were rare until the 1950s and 60s after which the population exploded.These days they are our most common heron, and can be found in estuaries, mudflats, wetlands, river and lake margins, on both sandy and rocky shores and even damp paddocks and sports fields around the country.

Look for them: Near the water. Sightings are numerous around Wellington according to ebird.org, from the south coast to Miramar, Matiu/Somes to Zealandia. If you want to increase your chances travel further afield to Pauatahanui Inlet – where the birds are regularly to be seen – or to Lake Wai-

rarapa. Look for the classic heron shape – long legs and neck and a spear-like bill – and elegant, even haughty walking posture. White-faced heron are a pale blue-grey with a white forehead, crown, chin and upper throat, and are not likely to be confused with New Zealand’s other heron species, which are all fairly uniform in colour.

Call: A harsh croak, usually in flight.

Feeds on: A varied diet that includes crabs, small fish, frogs, tadpoles, grasshoppers, large flies, mice, spiders, lizards and dragonflies.

Did you know? Like other herons, white-faced herons share in the building of their nest and take turns incubating eggs and feeding nestlings.

If they were human they would be: Inspiring their friends, family and neighbours with their modern parenting approach – with both Mum and Dad continuing to work part time as well as contributing equally to the household.

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F E AT U R E

GOING FOR A REBOUND WRITTEN BY MICHELLE DUFF | PHOTOGRAPHED BY ANNA BRIGGS

How does the Central Pulse plan to bounce back from the worst season in its history?

Chief executive Carolyn Young outlines the game plan to resurrect the Capital’s professional netball team.

I

t was a catch-phrase that never quite connected.

All Charged Up, the Central Pulse’s 2015 slogan shouted. Let’s win this thing!

As anyone familiar with the central region’s elite netball team knows, the past season was anything but electric. Loss followed loss, the Pulse finishing fourth out of five New Zealand teams in the ANZ Championship. Only the top three teams in the competition play the best three Australian teams in the finals – and despite all the pre-season hype, and despite having some of the country’s best players, the Pulse were not among them.

In fact, since the Pulse’s creation in 2008, the franchise has struggled to put together and sustain a team that has made it to the play-offs or beaten an Australian team on their soil. This season was meant to be theirs, and it was the worst in their history. So how does a team that has gone so far downhill pull itself back to the top?

Netball central zone chief executive Carolyn Young took on the role in 2013. Hers was a new job, created when Netball New Zealand restructured the nationwide governance of netball in December 2012.

In place of the previous 12 regions, the country was sliced into five zones, each responsible for running community netball and its own elite team. The idea: to streamline the way netball was run, to help to identify talent and begin to foster players at a younger age, and to become competitive financially with the Australian teams.

As well as looking after the Pulse, Young oversees netball in the Central Zone, which covers the lower

North Island including Taranaki, Manawatu, Hawke's Bay, Wairarapa and Wellington. If it sounds like a vast area, that’s because it is; the region has the most players of any zone in the country, with 38,000 netball players from Saturday schoolgirls to national representatives.

Netball has been part of Young’s life for as long as she can remember, ever since she donned her first pleated skirt at primary school in Masterton. She played representative netball while at Wairarapa College, and continued playing competitively until her mid-30s.

Formerly the deputy registrar of the Dental Council and team manager at Jacques Martin, Young is the ninth person to have a crack at the top job since the Pulse’s inception. When she took the role in which many others had failed, Young said, “I’m in for the long haul. I would be really disappointed not to be here in four or five years' time.”

Two years later, and Young is still at the helm of a franchise she remains determined will succeed.

“Sometimes it doesn’t seem like two years, and sometimes it seems like ten. It’s a pretty big role, but I took it because I wanted to make a difference and move the organisation forward in terms of sustainability and performance.”

This year has seen more change than any other, with former Silver Ferns defender Tanya Dearns confirmed to replace veteran Robyn Broughton as coach. Former Canterbury coach Tania Hoffman will be assistant coach, and this year the team will welcome several new players when training begins on 18 January.

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F E AT U R E

What exactly has been wrong with the Pulse is difficult to pinpoint. On paper the team has looked great, but captain and Silver Fern Katrina Grant told a reporter earlier this year:"We're all experienced players and we all know what we need to do, we're just not all doing it together, which is unfortunate. We're a good side, we're one of the best New Zealand sides and we're just not showing it and the table's not reading that.”

Dearns has said she thinks the team has an “inherent fear of failure” which has affected their performance.

The squad for this season’s campaign was confirmed in August, with Silver Ferns goal attack and star shooter Jodi Brown the last name added to the roster.

The delay is understood to have been because new coach Dearns wanted all players to be based in Wellington during the season. Dearns herself will be commuting three days a week from Hawkes Bay. Young has faith Dearns has what it takes to lead the Pulse to a trans-Tasman championship, and the pair have set a goal of 2018 to get it done. They have a great relationship, Young says, and share the same philosophy about what it takes to win. Which seems to be, in a nutshell, hard work, a cultural shift, and laying the groundwork for fresh talent.

First, Dearns wanted players to be based in Wellington to improve the team’s culture and cohesiveness. In previous years many players commuted for twice-weekly practices. Young agreed it was a great idea. ”If we can get those good connections, get a good culture around what we want to achieve, we can effect change. There can be no excuses. We’ve got to be training hard .”

One of the first psychological hurdles will be beating a team in Australia, which they want to achieve this season. Young admits the elusive Australian win is a “monkey on our back,” but thinks it can be heaved off by focusing on matching the physicality the Aussie players bring to the game.

Another area where Young sees room for improvement is identifying young players with potential and pulling them through the ranks. This season,

Blaze Leslie, Kate Wells and Samon Nathan are in the squad as development players. “We need to be quite considered about how we develop and grow the team,” Young says.

Then there are the ghosts of seasons past. Irene Van Dyk, an international legend in netball, spent most of last season on the Pulse’s bench. Netball commentators suggested this created a psychological barrier which was difficult for the team to get past. Young won’t comment on this. “I only know that she added a huge amount of value, she trained extremely hard.”

This season Van Dyk will be involved with the squad as a mentor, and will probably step in to help at some training sessions too, says Young. “We’re still working on how she can best be involved, we’ll be looking at how she can be brought in to work with the attacks and shooters throughout the season.”

The other challenges are perennial. Despite being the second most popular sport nationwide after rugby, with 148,000 players, netball struggles to get a fraction of rugby’s coverage and financial support. “We just don’t get as much funding as the boys do. It’s a little bit like how women have broken through the glass ceiling, but we still have to work so much harder.”

The franchise is now trying to attract sponsors to sign on for three years, rather than one, to get some financial stability. This has been difficult in Wellington, a city where government departments rather than private enterprise dominate, but it will undoubtedly be easier as the side starts to win more games. Young is confident it will.

“The Pulse is so important to Wellington, and to the lower North Island. If you come to a game you are watching fantastic athletes display their skills. If you’re a kid, you can think: 'I want to be one of them one day.'

And if you’re an adult, you can coach from the side and umpire from the side. It’s aspirational.”

The Pulse begin their 2016 campaign against the Waikato-Bay of Plenty Magic at TSB Bank Arena on 4 April.

40

spare 42

F E AT U R E

TILE-O-FILE QUEST

WRITTEN BY CRAIG BEARDSWORTH | PHOTOGRAPHED BY ANNA BRIGGS

H

ow many art works or taonga are languishing long forgotten in boxes or cupboards around the country? Massey University PhD student Bronwyn Holloway-Smith was researching the history of the Southern Cross Cable in 2014 when she happened across a mysterious collection of tiles stored in cardboard boxes. The tiles turned out to be a mural by artist, craftsman and designer E Mervyn Taylor. Taylor, better known for his engravings and woodcut prints, practised from the 1930s to the 60s.

Near the end of his career he created murals, mostly for government departments and institutions.

The ceramic tile mural Holloway-Smith discovered depicts Te Ika-a-Māui, the story of Māui fishing up North Island. It was commissioned by the New Zealand Government to mark the 1962 completion of the Commonwealth Pacific Cable – a huge submarine telephone cable system connecting New Zealand to its Commonwealth allies in the aftermath of World War Two. The discovery piqued the interest of fine arts student Holloway-Smith, and she set about restoring the mural and finding the whereabouts of the other murals by Taylor.

Te Ika-a-Māui had sixteen missing tiles, which have been replaced with colour-matched, full-scale gouache paintings; the work was then cleaned and digitised. It will return to Auckland where Spark (the current owner of the building that originally housed the mural) will reinstall it.

Taylor’s generation of artists in the 60s, including among others Colin McCahon and Rita Angus, was keen to find an artistic voice for New Zealand. Taylor

43

wanted to move away from European and colonial influences and find a distinctive South Pacific way of seeing the world. “His work provides us with a fresh perspective on New Zealand history that hasn’t necessarily been protected, but is essential in ensuring a more accurate understanding of what we represent as a nation,” says Holloway-Smith.

Taylor was an alumnus of Massey’s College of Creative Arts (at the time Wellington Polytechnic) and the college is aiding Holloway-Smith in her quest to track down the 13 known murals created between 1957 and 1964. The college commemorates its 130th year in 2016, and is dedicating resources to the research and documenting of the abandoned murals.

Five have been found still intact (in the Khandallah Presbyterian Church, Otaki War Memorial Hall, Boardroom of Radio New Zealand House, Masterton War Memorial Stadium Hall of Memories and Puke Ariki in New Plymouth). A further three are thought to have been in Wellington (National Mutual Life Assurance Building, now the Ibis Hotel, Cable Price Downer House at 108 The Terrace, and NZ Meat Board Director’s Room at 154 Lambton Quay). Holloway-Smith has heard anecdotal evidence of a possible additional mural in the St George Hotel on the corner of Boulcott and Willis Streets, but no record of it has been found thus far. Delving into Taylor’s murals has become a part-time job alongside work on her PhD thesis. If anyone has recollections of murals in the 60s or has discovered some boxes of tiles at the back of a dusty cupboard, please contact the university.

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EDIBLES

SINGLE USE S U S TA I N A B E AU T Y Sustainable packaging company BioPak make environmentally friendly single-use packaging products. Recently they have brought out an “art series” with work by various New Zealand artists on the cups. One of the artists featured is Wellingtonian Johnson Witehira, who has used a variation on the traditional Māori puhoro pattern which signifies speed, flow and continuity. These patterns are often found on the roof of a marae or the hull of a waka. Here, they are representing the kick or boost we get from a cup of coffee.

CO CONUTS ROUGH

CAFÉS CAPTIVATE

Natural, locally-produced nut milk is making its presence felt in Wellington. The Local Mylk offers five different varieties of milk made from nuts (almond, hazelnut and cashew) or seeds (pumpkin and sunflower). With deliveries now up and running, you can order online or pop in and see them at the Saturday underground waterfront market on Jervois Quay. We are sure they will give you a sample.

A recall of coconut milk products in New Zealand has prompted Allergy New Zealand’s call for tighter controls on food allergen labelling on imported products. There have been no reported cases of anaphylaxis in New Zealand due to a milk-allergic child drinking coconut milk believing it was safe. However in 2013 an Australian child died from doing so. Over the past 20 years, food allergies amongst young children have increased, now affecting one in ten children under two years of age. Cow’s milk, eggs and peanuts are the most common culprits.

The finalists for New Zealand café of the year have been announced. There are four categories this year, to allow a wider range of entries. Amongst Wellington’s nominees Prefab Eatery features in the Urban/Metro category, along with Flight Coffee Hangar, and the Victoria St Café.

Benedict’s café in Lower Hutt is one of the suburban nominees along with Franco’s Trattoria and Café Polo.

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LIQUID THOUGHTS

WELLINGTON W I N E C O U N T RY The Wairarapa wine industry is rebranding itself as Wellington Wine Country, following months of discussion between the region’s various marketing organisations. “We needed an umbrella identity for the wines that are made in and around Martinborough, Masterton and Gladstone because we are in danger of confusing drinkers all around the world with Wairarapa and Waipara (in North Canterbury),” says Pip Goodwin, the new CEO of Palliser Estate and member of the board discussing the name change. New Zealanders may think that they know what the various place-names designate, Goodwin says, but when they travel to promote their wines, they invariably encounter some confusion.

PINK BUBBLES What do you do with Pinot Noir grapes when you want to make a top pink drop? One option is to turn it into sparkling wine, as Simon Groves is doing on Te Muna Road, Martinborough. The wine will wear the Redbank Estate brand of Colin Carruthers and Deborah Coddington’s vineyard. Groves is their winemaker. He stuck to the classic formula for high-quality sparkling wine production, picking the grapes at pretty low sugar levels to create a sparkling wine with high natural acidity; this makes it taste fresh. The wine’s pale pink colour comes from minimal skin contact and Groves expects the price to be “accessible rather than high”. This wine is a traditional method – which means that its second fermentation (when the CO2 dissolves, causing the fizz) will take place in the bottle, and the wine is then aged in the bottle to gain flavour. About 2,000 bottles will be released in late in 2016.

MARTINI MIXOLO GY Ray Letoa, our capital’s finest cocktail-maker, was brewing fireworks of his own at the Roxy James Bond night on Guy Fawkes. With an ice sculpture of his own creation pouring martinis along with beds of oysters and sultry burlesque dancers on display, everyone was certainly shaking not stirring. Ray came second at the Diageo Reserve World Class New Zealand final earlier this year, which over 15,000 bartenders had entered. He can be found at the Roxy in Miramar more often than not.

It’s the ingredients that make it taste so good.

Find it all at labocaloca.co.nz

Gourmet Mexican Supplies 49

FOREST CANTINA

THE GINGERBREAD HOUSE UNNA BURCH

I

used to love the book Hansel and Gretel, and the idea of living in an edible house, lined with the lick-able wallpaper from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, was my ultimate kid dream. And now as an adult who is 100% Christmas obsessed, I cannot believe that I have never before made a gingerbread house. I’m pretty chuffed at my first ever attempt. Let me tell you though, it was no walk in the park. I tried many different recipes and templates until I found one that worked, and even then, there were challenges. You must have patience, a knack, and a few shots of Baileys and milk (and maybe Mariah Carey’s Xmas album on repeat) to get the creative festive juices flowing. If you are the sort of person who just wants to get to the decorating (I bet you are like

INGREDIENTS For the dough 3 cups all-purpose flour (plus extra for kneading) 1/2 teaspoon baking soda 1/4 teaspoon baking powder 120g (1/2 cup) butter, softened 1/2 cup brown sugar 1 large free-range egg 2 1/2 teaspoons ground ginger 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 1 teaspoon allspice 1 teaspoon salt 3/4 cup molasses

that with cupcakes too, huh?) they sell pre-made kits at Moore Wilson's, so all you have to do is ice...ice baby.

This recipe is enough for a large house or a good batch of cookies, which you can make as gingerbread men or ornaments for the tree. See my website, www. theforestcantina.com, for the template I used for this house. Or find a design you like by searching for “free gingerbread house templates” online. It makes the perfect Christmas centre piece for your table (and it smells amazing!) or a wonderful homemade gift. Placing it on a gorgeous chopping board or in a large dome cake stand so it looks like a snow globe would make this present extra-generous.

I did this over a two day period.

METHOD

To make the dough Combine the flour, baking soda and baking powder in a bowl by whisking together, then set aside. In a stand mixer (or you can mix by hand) cream the butter and the sugar. Once the mixure is fluffy and pale, add the egg and mix well. Then add the ginger, cinnamon, allspice, salt and molasses and mix well. Fold in the flour mixture bit by bit until fully incorporated.

Bring together into a ball, then divide into two portions. Wrap, and chill in the fridge for one hour. While the dough is chilling, cut out your chosen template. Mine had lots of windows, which I cut out with a craft knife.

Preheat your oven to 180°C. Take a ball of dough and knead, adding just enough extra flour bit by bit until your dough is soft but not sticky to touch.

If it is too sticky it will be hard to roll and cut. You want to bake same-size shapes at the same time. I baked and cut one tray at a time, starting with the larger walls, then the smaller walls and roof pieces (individually as they were quite large), and then the smaller chimney bits and door separately.

Smaller pieces take only a few minutes, larger pieces take longer to bake.

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SECTION HEADER

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FOREST CANTINA

For the caramel glue 1 cup fair trade sugar 2 teaspoons water For the royal icing 4 free-range egg whites 4 cups icing sugar, sifted 1 teaspoon lemon juice + 1 disposable icing bag and a number 2 (very small round) metal icing tip To decorate 1 x large chopping board extra icing sugar for snow.

Trees, I purchased online and cinnamon sticks for logs

Roll dough out on a sheet of baking paper, (the paper is important for easy transfer to the tray) making the dough quite thin, about 1/2 cm. If it's too thick, it bakes puffy. Once it’s thin I trimmed off the excess around the edges to give a large rectangle to work with. Place your template pieces on one at a time, and then cut. I used my pizza cutter to cut around the edges and a small paring knife to cut out the details like the windows. Remove and peel away excess dough from the shapes. Slide the baking paper with shapes onto a tray. Bake large pieces for six minutes to begin with, then rotate the tray and time for another two–four minutes. You want the shapes to be quite dark – almost burnt, but not quite, rather than just golden, so that they are super crisp. If not baked long enough, they will be too delicate for construction. Cool completely on the tray before transferring to a wire rack. If some of the edges of your pieces have curled up slightly, hold them down gently with a tea-towel to flatten. Also, if you need to trim bits (e.g. if the windows aren’t quite square or edges aren’t exactly straight) after baking, trim immediately they are out of the oven. As soon as they cool trimming will become impossible. Repeat the process until your entire template is complete. Any leftover dough can be made into cookies or edible ornaments.

Lots of blog posts on making Gingerbread houses recommend you dry the pieces over night before assembling to ensure they have completely hardened, but as long as they are 100% cold, it will be fine.

For the caramel glue This is a really strong edible adhesive, and like any sugar work it can be a little temperamental. Heat sugar and water over a medium heat, and I stir with a metal spoon until it has all fully dissolved. It will cluster up and crystalize, but it does melt back down – just have patience and don't be tempted to turn the heat up or it will burn. Any big chunks of sugar you can discard. Once the sugar has fully melted don't stir it, just swirl the pan. Once it is a dark amber colour and completely melted, it is ready to use. Dip the ginger bread in the glue, working one side at a time, sticking it together (I did a practice run first, just holding each piece in place so I knew where it was to go, then applied the glue). You can also use a pastry brush or a spoon to apply the glue. Work quickly, as it cools and sets fast. Re-heat the caramel glue to re-soften as often as you need to.

Go over any cracks or joins with the caramel, smoothing it with the back of a teaspoon to get it nice and flat. Don’t be too worried if it’s not perfect, though, as the joins can be covered with royal icing. Once the house is assembled, set it aside while you prepare the icing.

To make the icing In a clean bowl (has to be 100% clean, with no grease otherwise the eggs won’t whip and your icing won’t thicken) add the egg whites and beat until soft peaks form. I did this in my stand mixer with the balloon whisk. You can also do it by hand. Gradually add the sugar and then the lemon juice. Whip for 10 minutes on medium/high so it is thick and holds its shape. Put the piping tip into the bag and cut off the end off the bag to push through. Fill the bag with icing, about 2/3rds full to begin with. I practised my piping on some spare gingerbread before I worked on my completed house. This helps get your rhythm and flow. Pipe designs of your choice over your house or biscuits – lots of ideas on the internet.

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To finish I dusted the roof of the house with icing sugar. Dust the board the house is going to sit on with a generous amount of icing sugar, as this is much easier to do BEFORE the house goes on. I made it thicker in the middle and thinner toward the edges for an “ombre� effect. Place the house on the board. Then I put icing sugar in random clusters to look like snow drifts around the house. I added the trees, with more icing sugar clustering around their bases. I then finished the look with a cinnamon-stick woodpile at the side of the house, dusted with a little icing sugar. Done! Hope you enjoy, and Merry Christmas.

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LIQUID THOUGHTS

F R O T H Y, FOAMY AND FUN PROSECCO IS ON A ROLL

WRITTEN BY JOELLE THOMSON | PHOTOGRAPHED BY ANNA BRIGGS

W

hen a high-quality, low-priced sparkling wine overtakes Champagne in sales for the first time ever, you know someone is doing something right; and over the past two years that something has been Prosecco.

It surged ahead in 2013, with global sales of 307 million bottles, leaving Champagne trailing with just 304 million.

The year before, Prosecco producers expanded their production by 24% and, three years previously, they had converted 27 vineyards and hundreds of hectares of land to growing grapes for this foamy fizz.

Prosecco is on a roll everywhere, including the United Kingdom (which has a bar dedicated entirely to Prosecco), China (the fastest growing market), and New Zealand, a small fast-growing market.

While we are a miniscule market in global terms, Kiwis are beginning to lap up the tidal wave of Proseccos that are pouring onto our shores. In the past month, several new brands have arrived, the most prominent of which are Riccadonna (that old Asti Spumante production company, which now has its own Prosecco) and Jacob’s Creek from Australia.

Price is the main reason that Prosecco is winning market share. Here is a fizz, from $10–$18 that is affordable.

The other reason, of course, is the fizz factor. Prosecco is frothy, foamy and fun, delivering almost as much fizz as champagne (which, strictly speaking, has a higher density of bubbles per bottle).

Like Champagne, most Prosecco tastes dry but contains added sweetness to balance the naturally high acidity in the wine, which is made from early-harvested grapes. The early harvest keeps sweetness (and therefore the ultimate alcohol content) low, so that the second fermentation can add the bubbles, boost the alcohol (slightly) and, deliver the fun factor.

Like Champagne, Prosecco comes from an extremely fragmented region of production; 3,000 grape growers and 166 bottlers are involved in its making. Prosecco’s accessible price, its wide availability and its fresh lemony flavours have made it the numero uno sparkling wine globally.

Prosecco is not legally permitted to be produced anywhere other than the province of Treviso in north east Italy, but trust the Australians to work around the law – they are the only producers outside Italy to have obtained permission to use the name.

New Zealand winemakers are innovating when it comes to bubbly wine. The use of crown seals (beer-bottle-type tops) on sparkling wine is something Villa Maria is doing well and creating very fresh wines. The Methode Marlborough group of winemakers in Marlborough is championing the 100% regionality of their high quality, bottle fermented sparkling wines. Closer to home, Martinborough winemaker Simon Groves is putting spare pinot noir grapes to good use in the first ever Te Muna Road bubbly. Wairarapa’s Cambridge Road and Porter’s Pinots producers are making very good quality, adventurously different bubbles.

Enjoy the Prosecco but when it comes to New Zealand bubbles, vive la difference.

TOP PROSECCO DROPS Scanavino Prosecco $18.85 Excellent value from Moore Wilson’s Carpene Malvolti Prosecco Superiore $23.95 This wine rocks with high quality delicious X-factor because it comes from Prosecco’s heartland; Conegliano-Valdobbiadene (the good news is: you don’t have to pronounce the words to enjoy this outstanding Prosecco). From Moore Wilson’s.

Riccadonna Prosecco $20.99 The words ‘extra dry’ on the front label of this new addition to the Riccadonna stable mean that this wine is actually a off-dry in style, but well balanced by the fresh acidity of the Glera grape. Widely available.

Jacob’s Creek Reserve Sparkling Prosecco $17.29 The first Jacob’s Creek Prosecco with just 9.5% ABV and typical flavours of rock melon, green apple and citrusy lemon zest.

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P E R I O D I C A L LY S P E A K I N G

WAT E R RESILIENT WRITTEN BY JOHN KERR

From high-tech to low-fi, Wellington projects are helping to raise awareness about tsunami risk – and could save your life.

I

t’s 4am on a Wednesday. Deep under the ocean, the seafloor off New Zealand’s east coast heaves with a seismic shift of tectonic plates. It’s a magnitude nine earthquake. Wellington shakes as shockwaves of energy ripple through the Earth’s crust, but because the quake was centred offshore there isn’t too much damage. Phew, right? Wrong.

It is in the next few minutes that the real problem will arrive.

A tsunami wave generated by the earthquake is en route, building up to seven metres in height by the time it reaches the coast.

What do you do?

This scary scenario was one of several posed in a new report from GNS Science on the tsunami risk facing New Zealand. While it is hypothetical (for now), it serves as an example of what can happen and why we need to be prepared.

Fortunately there is no small amount of effort being put into keeping Wellingtonians aware of New Zealand’s tsunami risk and what to do in the event of an impending wave.

One of the most visible initiatives is the blue line painted across roads in Island Bay and surrounding suburbs, marking out the edges of the area that needs to be evacuated if a tsunami is on its way.

“The idea behind the blue lines is to raise awareness around where people should immediately evacuate to after a localised long or strong earthquake,” explains Dan Neely, Manager of Community Resilience at the Wellington Region Emergency Management Office (WREMO).

Dan’s team worked with the coastal Island Bay community on ideas for building awareness of tsunamis. As well as reminding residents where to go, Dan says the lines help to spark conversations about natural hazards, and will have the flow-on effects of encouraging preparedness actions such as creating emergency kits and household emergency plans.

The project’s importance was grimly underlined when, within weeks of the blue paint drying, the 2011 Tōhoku wave struck Japan, and New Zealanders witnessed from a distance the devastation a tsunami can cause.

How would people in the hazard zones know when to evacuate? The most immediate and clear warning will be an earthquake itself, says GNS Science’s natural hazards expert Dr Graham Leonard. “The one thing everyone in the country needs to know is that if they are near the coast and

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feel a long or strong earthquake they need to evacuate all the tsunami zones. Go inland or to higher ground.”

Such a quake – lasting longer than a minute or so strong that it is difficult to remain standing – indicates that the quake is relatively nearby and a tsunami could be arriving within minutes.

“For that big earthquake people shouldn't wait for official warning. If it is a bit further away we might be able to give official warning, but don't expect that, definitely don't wait for it.”

More distant quakes elsewhere around the Pacific, say near Chile or Peru, might not be felt here but could send a tsunami our way. In these situations authorities have a luxury of a little more time, possibly on the scale of hours, to detect a tsunami and get an evacuation message out.

For alerting the public, smartphones have changed the game. The WREMO team, in collaboration with the Red Cross, has just launched a new app for Wellington citizens which will quickly notify users of hazards, including tsunamis, in their area. The app will work in concert with other official warning avenues such as radio and the internet.

“We are really excited about it,” says Neely. “It is going to give us another touchpoint with our communities to be able to alert them to hazards.”

New Zealand experiences small tsunamis every few years, on the scale of centimetres rather than metres. The real monster tsunamis – like the 2011 Tōhoku and 2004 Boxing Day Indian Ocean tsunamis – are possible but unlikely in our lifetimes, occurring every 1–2,000 years.

A giant wave crashing on our coasts, sloshing into Wellington harbour and inundating the CBD is a frightening prospect.

“A bit of anxiety is good to get people to make some plans for responding to a warning and work out where they may need to go to evacuate,” says Graham. “But too much anxiety can be paralysing.”

“You have a very good ability to save yourself in a tsunami event. We don't want people to be paralysed but we want them to be a little bit worried about it so they are prepared and they know what to do.”

The Hazard App is available free at redcross.org.nz/hazard-app.

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BY THE BOOK

SUMMER READS CONRAD SMITH A L L B L AC K A N D L AW Y E R

Are you after a book that’s the perfect Christmas gift, a breezy read for beach and bach, or one you just can't put down? Seven bookish Wellingtonians share their top picks of the year.

All books are available at Unity Books

Christmas gift: Dan Carter: My Story by Dan Carter with Duncan Greive (Upstart Press, hardback, $49.99). I know Dan wants his book to be a little different from the normal sport bio and he has such a brilliant story to tell. He’s one of the greatest rugby players of all time but he came from humble beginnings, and came through some extremely difficult times late in his career.

Summer read: The Road to Little Dribbling: More Notes From a Small Island (Doubleday, hardback, $50). To mark the twentieth anniversary of his bestselling travel book More Notes from a Small Island, Bryson takes another journey around Britain to see what has changed. I have it ready to read and, if it’s anything like his other books, it will be funny, informative and perfect for summer.

Book of the year: All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr (HarperCollins, paperback $25).

This Pulitzer Prize-winning novel is a very original take on World War Two. When the Germans occupy Paris, a blind six-year-old girl and her father flee; while in Germany, an orphan boy works as a tracker for the Resistance. My wife gave it to me for my birthday during the World Cup and I loved it. Fast-paced, moving and cleverly written.

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TIM JONES

K AT H RY N C A R M O DY

CO-CONVENOR OF THE S AV E T H E BA SI N C A M PA IG N

P R O G R A M M E M A NAG E R , N Z F E S T I VA L W R I T E R S W E E K

Christmas gift: What If? Serious Scientific Answers To Absurd Hypothetical Questions by Randall Munroe (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, available through Amazon at various prices). Don’t get put off by the word serious, because this book is all about the absurd. Graphic artist and humourist Randall Munroe, whose online comic strip xkcd has a huge following, answers the strangest science questions emailed to him by fans. Think “what if I took a swim in a spent-nuclear-fuel pool?”.

Christmas gift: Zizz! The Life and Art of Len Lye: In His Own Words by Roger Horrocks (Awa Press, $30, paperback). With the text drawn from Lye’s own notes, essays and letters, this book provides an incredible insight into the life of New Zealand’s venerated kinetic sculptor and filmmaker. You feel inspired by what one person can achieve. As Unity Books’ winter catalogue put it: “Doctors should prescribe Zizz! as an antidepressant”. Yes.

Summer read: The Year of Falling

by Janis Freegard (Makaro Press, paperback, $35). This great new Wellington novel, also set in Takaka and Iceland, is the story of a highflying graphic artist’s fall from grace, and her relationship with her wiser sister. The author once won the BNZ Katherine Mansfield Award for fiction, and this shows in the wit and quality of her writing.

Summer Read: When the Professor Got Stuck in the Snow by Dan Rhodes (Aardvark Bureau, paperback, $29, available from Amazon). It’s a farce: a fictional version of the famous biologist, writer and atheist Richard Dawkins is sheltering from a snowstorm with a vicar and his wife. What a treat. Most publishers turned it down for fear the real Dawkins would sue them.

Book of the year: Clothes, Music, Boys by Viv Albertine (Faber, paperback, $25). This book by the former guitarist and songwriter of English punk rock band The Slits is the best-written music memoir I’ve ever read, but it’s about so much more than music. Viv Albertine's fearless approach to her very challenging life will have you alternately gasping and cheering.

Book of the year: Tightrope by Simon Mawer (Little, Brown, paperback, $38). It’s a long, hard road finding the perfect book, but this one is getting pretty close. The Cold War thriller is effectively a sequel to The Girl Who Fell from the Sky, but it’s also a stand-alone read. If I could read nothing but spy novels, I would.

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BY THE BOOK

ROGER MOSES

B R I A R L AW RY

H E A DM A ST E R , WELLINGTON COLLEGE

U N I T Y B O O K S’ B O O K SE L L E R A N D R EV I EW E R

Christmas gift: Inside the Cup: Secrets Behind Our All Black Campaigns by Phil Gifford (Penguin, paperback, $40). For All Blacks fans, it’s hard to go past this fascinating book set against the backdrop of the 2015 Rugby World Cup. Veteran sports journalist Phil Gifford closely examines the previous seven campaigns, looking at the players, coaches, and the impact of the results on the New Zealand psyche.

Christmas gift: Real Modern: Everyday New Zealand in the 1950s & 1960s by Bronwyn Labrum (Te Papa Press, hardback, $75). This beautifully made and carefully curated book brings ‘50s and ‘60s New Zealand to life through images, objects and stories. Massey University professor Bronwyn Labrum, an expert on New Zealand design, has done a fabulous job. Perfect for the coffee table of a loved one – particularly a nostalgic baby boomer.

Summer read: Reykjavik Nights

by Arnaldur Indridason (Random House, paperback, $24). The topselling Icelandic author follows his popular series of novels about Inspector Erlendur with a prequel introducing the enigmatic detective as a young, green cop involved in a murder investigation. The superb Nordic noir provides a fascinating insight into the seamy underworld of this least-known Scandinavian country.

Summer read: The Heart Goes Last by Margaret Atwood (Bloomsbury, hardback, $37).

Margaret Atwood always handles the “what if?” of current issues with unparalleled skill and wit – and her latest dystopian novel is no exception. As the US crumbles around young couple Stan and Charmaine, they grab at an offer that seems too good to be true. Dark and funny.

Book of the year: Black Sea: Coasts and Conquests, from Pericles to Putin by Neal Ascherson (Random House, paperback, $40). Revised and updated in a new edition, this is the story of the inland sea that’s been the crucible of many conflicts over the centuries and continues to be contentious today.

This book is a wonderful introduction to a pivotal part of the world which, until the break-up of the Soviet Union, was largely off limits to Westerners.

Book of the year: A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara (Picador, $38, paperback). This one wins hands down. It’s emotionally fraught – best to avoid reading it in public places – but the writing is utterly compelling and immersive. Without giving away any spoilers, this Booker-shortlisted novel is a story of friendship, love and inescapable tragedy – and it’s devastatingly good.

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BY THE BOOK

TIM BROWN

SARAH LANG

C HA I R O F T H E C A P I TA L C R E AT I V E A RT S T RU ST A N D C U BA DU PA

C A PI TA L’ S B O O K S’ W R I T E R

Christmas Gift: South Sea Vagabonds by Johnny Wray (HarperCollins, hardback, $45). This 1939 memoir might be the best New Zealand book ever. It’s basically the Good Keen Man goes sailing. In 1930 Auckland, an unemployed young man with less than ten pounds builds a yacht in his parents’ front garden, then sails to Australia and the Pacific Islands. The 75th anniversary edition also covers what became of Johnny and the yacht Ngataki.

Christmas gift: Te Araroa by Mark Watson (New Holland Publishing, hardback, $49.99). Stuck for a gift for someone who loves nature, New Zealand or a good coffeetable tome? This is the book for them. Over six months, photographer Mark Watson tramped all 3,000 kilometres of our national trail. His 350 photographs and accompanying text capture the essence of each area – and make you see your country anew.

Summer read: Our Kids by Robert Putnam (Simon & Schuster, hardback, $56). Over the past 40 years, the upper and lower quartiles of American society have gone in totally different directions. The book interviews rich kids, poor kids and their parents, then backs up the anecdotes with statistics, analysis and insight. Everyone who wants to live in a society with real equality of opportunity should read this book.

Summer read: The Stories of Bill Manhire (VUP, hardback, $40). Dip in and out of this collection of new and old short stories by the master of the taut sentence, wry observation and telling detail. Surprises include an amusing choose-your-ownadventure story (remember those?), and Manhire’s candid essay about his relationship with his publican father and a childhood spent in pubs.

Book of the year: Being Mortal

by Atul Gawande (Profile Books, paperback, $35). The highly impressive author – also a surgeon, public-health researcher and New Yorker journalist – considers how to have as a good a life as possible right until the end. How? By having those difficult discussions about decline and death and communicating your wishes well in advance.

With case studies he sees as people not just patients, this book is oddly reassuring rather than unsettling.

Book of the year: The Rise and Fall of Classical Greece by Josiah Ober (Princeton University Press, $68).

There are endless excellent books about Pericles, Xerxes, Sparta vs Athens, Greeks vs. Persians, etc. But this is the first readable explanation of the social, political and economic factors behind this wealth creation, why wages didn’t catch up until the 1800s, and why we know so much about this period 2,500 years later.

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BY THE BOOK

R E -V E R SE INTRODUCED BY CLAIRE ORCHARD

I s e e t he hung r y c ater pi l l ar I see the hungry caterpillar scrounging its way across the day.

It has prickles on its back yellow-ringed eyes and a red face.

I know the blue-shaded segments of its green body the slow march of invisible feet.

Not a bird watcher, I can’t tell you which bird would eat this caterpillar but I wish one would snatch it up in its beak, throw it high like a lasso and gulp it down.

That hungry caterpillar filled with plums and sandwiches and cakes rasps closer still looking famished.

by Frances Samuel, from Sleeping on Horseback, VUP (2014)

BREAKDOWN Frances Samuel lives in Wellington and works as a museum exhibitions writer. This poem first appeared online in Turbine 2013, and also features in her first book of poems Sleeping on Horseback, published last year by Victoria University Press.

In brief:

a guide for the perplexed

www.unitybooks.co.nz

It would be a rare parent of recent times who has not come across Eric Carle’s children’s story The Very Hungry Caterpillar, with its ravenous main character who takes a solid week to gradually munch his way through quantities of fruit, cake, Swiss cheese, pickle, salami…oh, how the list goes on. Young children delight in listening to their favourite stories re-read night after night, and the faintly resigned tone of this delightfully blackhumoured poem has me imagining the speaker as a parent en route to yet another insect-themed bedtime story session.

I love the clever reframing of the caterpillar as a total ne’er do well “scrounging its way across the day”, a robotic and unappealing creature, slow-marching on “invisible feet”. Samuel’s description has my skin crawling and I’m completely on board, with wishing a bird, any bird, would arrive and snatch up this prickly, red-faced bug, “throw it high like a lasso/and gulp it down”. But wishing doesn’t make it so. Rasping closer and “still looking famished”, this hungry caterpillar will not be denied.

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HE-HE

TUNE FOOD WRITTEN BY DEAN WATSON

H

ave you ever fallen asleep with your headphones on and the music still playing? Head lolling to one side, drool leaking from the corner of your mouth, like a baby after breastfeeding? It’s not pretty. Even in Beats by Dre headphones. Perhaps you were listening to Don McLean’s “American Pie” or ABBA’s “Honey Honey” or My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard’s “Milkshake.” Food is literally music to our ears and musicians have known it for a long time.

Let’s start with the Beatles of food music, The Beatles. Have you ever listened to the White Album? Good one. The album features such songs as “Wild Honey Pie,” “Honey Pie,” “Piggies” and “Savoy Truffle.” Add John Lennon’s “Glass Onion” to the mix and you have two pies, a truffle and an onion. Hold the bacon. That stuff causes cancer. On an empty stomach, this album is dynamite. Four years before the White Album was released, Neil Young entered the food metaphor market with “Sugar Mountain,” a song some people took literally and many dentists took seriously. Similarly, The Rolling Stones showed surprising metaphorical depth with “Brown Sugar,” often misinterpreted as a song about pussycats.

Songs about food have also inundated film and TV. The Simpsons have produced an abundance of such songs – “The Lollipop Song”, “Homer’s Food Song” and “Who Needs The Kwik e Mart,” to name just a few. South Park got in on the act with Chef ’s now infamous, “Chocolate Salty Balls (P.S. I Love You).”

Whichever generation you’re from, we all grew up with food music, or is that “fusic”. At the cinema (or on Pirate Bay) we saw films like Willie Wonka And The Chocolate Factory. We learned that “The Candy Man Can” and will take advantage of those of us who don’t brush twice daily. Meanwhile, Oompa Loompas made the assumption we all eat a lot of peanuts, telling us not to eat as much as an elephant eats.

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But Willie Wonka came out in the seventies and those were different times. Except they weren’t. The public’s lust for quality food tunes has never let up. It’s given rise to bands such as Cream, Pearl Jam, Eminem, The Black Eyed Peas, Limp Bizkit, Vanilla Ice, The Smashing Pumpkins, Hot Chocolate, The Cranberries, The Red Hot Chili Peppers and Meatloaf. It’s also given rise to Oasis, a place where you’re bound to find food.

Whole classes of foods have infiltrated music. Like seeds. Who knows what seeds Nick Cave was on when he came up with the name for his band, The Bad Seeds.

Some bands name their albums after food. In 1979, Supertramp released their tribute to the most important meal of the day in the most important country of the day, Breakfast In America. However, all their good work was undone in 2008 when Madonna released Hard Candy, which, it turns out, Americans now prefer as a breakfast choice.

Some musicians are even named after food. We could list them all here, or we could list just one: Jimmy Buffet. That pretty much covers it. You’re probably aware of Coldplay’s Chris Martin naming his son Apple. Though that’s not entirely surprising when your wife (at the time) is apple-preacher Gwyneth Paltrow.

No food tunes conversation is complete without a mention of the Beatles of kids’ food music, The Wiggles. The release of Yummy, Yummy in 1994 was a landmark for food music. Suddenly, healthy eating was the order of the day. Songs such as “Hot Potato” and “Fruit Salad” changed the way the world ate.

Until 2008 and Hard Candy.

The list goes on – food is the beating heart of so much music. What better way to fall asleep than to the sounds of sex, drugs and sausage rolls. And if none of that’s to your taste, there’s always Frank Zappa.

BY THE BOOK

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M O N E Y, M O N E Y

A COOL HEAD PHOTOGRAPHED BY DANIEL ROSE

Lilias Bell has helped appoint more chief executives in the capital than anyone else in the past ten years. She is the Wellington headhunter who in 2009 discovered that the then head of the Immigration Service did not hold the PhD degree listed on her CV. JOHN BRISTED chats to her about her 25 years in the head-hunting business.

What makes a good head hunter?

To find someone to fill a job you need to find out who’s who in their industry or sector. Then you go to the good people already at the top and ask “Who’s good?”

Head hunting depends on two things, your ability to remember a lot of people, and to build and maintain absolute trust.

Is it an advantage to be a woman?

Yes, I think you need that empathy which is more typical of many women – but there are some very good male head hunters.

Men are softer on women aren’t they?

No. There are misogynists out there.

I read somewhere that women are much harder on women than on men.

Yes I think that’s true. Harvard has a little test that you can do online, about your biases, which depend on the environment you’re brought up in. For me, brought up in Africa where everything’s 50 years behind the times …. Men were dominant, women were just expected to get married and live happily ever after. When I did the test my bias was that men and work fit better together than women and work …. When you’re looking at a woman you’re inclined to put a higher bar to what she needs to do to be successful. I’m conscious of how easy it is to be judgemental in terms of how they dress for example, and you have to be much more aware of that when you’re making a call. Men come in in a suit and a tie and all look pretty much the same, but if a woman is a bit out there or a bit mumsy it can impact on what you think. Appearances can be as wrong as anything. But men can judge women in the same way – I always tell people

How do you deal with sensitive or tricky information, for example that X or Y’s partner is ... do you tell that to the prospective employer?

People in interviews tell me the most extraordinary things … they tell me about their children being drug addicts … about their wife leaving them and cleaning them out after three years … but that’s not relevant to whether or not they’re going to make a good chief financial officer for example, so that information stays private. But if it’s relevant to the job my loyalty is to my client who is the employer.

You’ve got to be very clear and empathetic, but you’ve also got to have a very clear judgement about how not to let people down. One of my colleagues noted that people hire on skills and fire on fit. So a lot of what I’m doing is judging fit … some people get really disappointed and tell me I’m all wrong when I don’t put them forward for a job … but they’re not going to fit ... their style … their approach. But they might fit well into another situation.

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not to dress like someone’s mother or someone’s wife because then they’ll put them in that bucket. Appearance is everything. I’ve told a candidate to buy himself a new wardrobe because he’ll do better if he looks a bit different, I’d be less brave telling a woman she’s not dressed in the right way.

Did you borrow any money to start Bell McCaw Bampfylde?

We were bankrolled by our English partner, but we didn’t need to actually borrow much of the money. We had very good financial advice from a good chairman and a good accountant who became our financial director.

How did you get into head-hunting in the UK? I went to university in Scotland, and won a scholarship to study for a year in the USA. Then I went to a London recruitment firm to get my CV typed up and the owner said he’d interview me. He said “I think you’d be a good head hunter, but of course nobody would recruit you.” So I went to a library, found out what a head hunter was, and the top 20 firms in London, wrote to all of them with my new CV saying I wanted to be a head hunter and had no response … except for one man who rang up at 8.30 in the morning and said “if you can get to me by 9am I’ll interview you. I made it and he took me on. His business partners said he was nuts to take someone so young (25), and he had to guarantee my first year’s salary out of his bonus. It was a great break. So I say to young people you’ve got to grasp an opportunity.

Then you came to NZ, built a good business, bought out your partners, then sold it. Why did it close its doors?

I think my New Zealand partner Elaine McCaw and I had just an incredible yin and yang, we complemented

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each other, and had developed a great business. But head hunting is exhausting and everyone rings you before work and after work, so you put in a full day’s work and then you put in a full night and it goes on and on.

She decided she’d had enough, so with the future looking rosy I agreed to pay her out. That was three weeks before the Global Financial Crisis. I was left a year later with this big debt and not enough income. So a USA company bought the business.

That company particularly wanted to know how to work with Government. They would leave everything the way it was for six months, and so on. They bought me out and I was able to pay out my partners. My contract specified that I had to work for three years before I got all my money.

Because of the GFC, endless staff cuts were ordered by head office. I hated firing people, and I did it badly because I cared too much, and then when they suggested I was being too fussy about my appointments I eventually said they’d need to find a successor. They just closed up shop. I wondered if those people actually bought us just to buy out the competition.

How did the sophisticated daughter of an English Duke end up in NZ with the son of a Wairarapa farmer?

[Laughs] I wanted a breath of fresh air. I was born and brought up in Africa, in Zimbabwe (Rhodesia, then) on a farm just outside Harare (then Salisbury). My father went out there in 1933. He wanted to run the family farm at home in Scotland but his father – my grandfather (it was just like Downton Abbey) – had said “no, that’s business, we employ a man to do that.” So he parted with his parents and took off to Africa with £100 in his pocket given to him by his grandmother,

M O N E Y, M O N E Y

and carved out a life in Africa. It really was ox-wagons, elephant guns, mud-huts …. He loved it. My great grandmother was one of the wealthiest people in Britain, but my grandfather frittered away the entire lot. He kept living the high life with private trains, endless servants, and three castles. By the time he died there was nothing left. He was the Duke of Montrose. So my farming father became the 7th Duke of Montrose, a happy Brahmin cattle breeder and slightly involved in Rhodesian politics. I went to a state school and then as a 19-year-old with a one-way ticket and my one suitcase headed to St Andrews University in Scotland, where being a duke’s daughter meant something to some people, who treated you quite differently.

But I didn’t really fit. I had no significant money. I’d come from another world and found myself constantly changing depending on who I was with. But then I had this other life with relations who lived in vast freezing houses in Scotland and pretended they were still madly wealthy.

I was working in London at the time with people who were mostly in suits. I went back to Zimbabwe where a friend was getting married, and I met the best man. A Kiwi. Later he came to London to do an MBA and turned up in my smart headhunter’s office in a pair of shorts and a backpack and a big grin.

I was smitten. I knew when he proposed that we’d have to come and live in New Zealand.

Back in Africa, Dad – born in 1907 – came out of another era. There were 120 men working on the farm, some of them had two or three wives and there were children – more than 400 people there. Pay was a pittance, but all got fed, housed, educated, their health and so on. His view of blacks was that they were not as clever, something more like children and to be looked after.

Dad was involved with the Smith Government and with incarcerating Mugabe in 1964. Prime Minister Smith kicked him out in 1967 because Smith’s Rhodesia (Zimbabwe) parliament

was all white but Dad wanted a black house as well. If Dad (who has his signature on Rhodesia’s Unilateral Declaration of Independence from Britain), had had his way democracy would have been introduced to tribal culture as early as 1967.

Just think what Zimbabwe might be like now if all those chiefs had learnt something of democracy fifty years ago. After threats from Mugabe’s henchmen in 1978 he sold the farm which was just as well because it would have been taken, but the money disappeared in Zimbabwe’s hyperinflation My grandparents had left us (grandchildren) enough to get a degree but that was all the money we had, no castles in Scotland. One went to the National Trust, two were pulled down, and my older brother got the farm.

I was very lucky to come to New Zealand, It’s such a wonderful open environment. It’s so easy to contact people, it’s so easy to make calls, it’s been just right for my kind of work. And I had a very good partner. I haven’t been successful alone.

Are you still working just as hard with your own company?

Yes but I’m taking a bit more time for myself.

What do you spend your money on?

Travel, experiences, and I like clothes. I’ve a few shares but someone else manages them. We’re not big spenders. We’ve saved hard, and much planning has gone into what we’ll do when we retire. We’ve got health insurance, professional indemnity insurance, public liability insurance. We stopped paying for life insurance when the children grew up and it was not needed any more.

What has been your biggest frivolous expense?

I’ve two actually, I like to design jewellery – not very expensive, and I love clothes but was never allowed a Barbie or a Ken, so I’ve always dressed my children as well as possible.

Are you in Kiwisaver?

Of course.

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HOUSE

OPEN HOME WRITTEN BY SARAH LANG | PHOTOGRAPHED BY ANNA BRIGGS

Sarah Christie conquered cancer, and with her husband Matt renovated a rundown house in Kelburn for their family of seven. The door is always open for friends and neighbours.

S

arah Christie may be the most positive person I’ve ever met. The former competitive runner is even grateful for the experience of having ovarian cancer three years ago. She’s fine now. “When you climb out from rock bottom you’re braver and stronger,” she says. “It brought into crystal-clear clarity what was important in my life.”

And her home reflects what’s important to her: family, friends and community. The large two-storey house, with bedrooms and bathroom upstairs, has multiple living spaces downstairs.

That way, Boston, 14, Baker, 12, Annabelle, 8, Bridie, 6, and Paddy, 3, can do their own thing without tripping over each other. The kids often bring their friends home after school, and their parents come by to pick them up. Other adults are always dropping by too: extended family, neighbours and friends.

“Having an open home full of people enjoying each other is exactly what I want,” Sarah says. “It doesn’t bother me that the house looks ransacked

at times. But I’ve got a good excuse for all the wine bottles in the recycling bins.” They just threw a party for Matt’s parents’ 50th wedding anniversary.

The Christies moved here from Island Bay in September 2014, needing a bigger home. This was the only house they could afford in Kelburn.

It was built in the early 1900s by prominent Wellington architect William Gray Young, known for his experimental architecture and, in houses like this, his tile roofs and little square windows. But, in the 1970s, the front of the house was “butchered,” as Sarah puts it, by a haphazard extension. “The house was a bit wrecked really: boxy, dated, freezing.” She wondered if it was once a boarding house, given its outdoor toilet, the shower at the end of the hallway, and the hand-basin in each bedroom.

Unimpressed, Boston, her eldest, said the best thing about the house was the fish-and-chip shop opposite. But Sarah’s husband Matt could see the potential: the space, the sun, the scope for

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renovations. He talked Sarah around. “I trusted him with all my might and he’s usually right.”

Before they signed the papers, the elderly couple selling the house had an unusual request. “The place came with Tara the poodle, who couldn’t be rehoused,” Sarah says,. “We were up for it, but Tara passed away before we moved.”

Because of bridging finance, they had to be out of their old place – and renovate the new one – in just three-and-a-half-months. With the tight deadline came a tight budget. “Even my Dad was stressed at how much work there was to do,” Sarah says. Luckily little fazes Matt, who works as a client-engagement manager for IBM. And Sarah’s friend Rebecca Ormsby helped her manage the renovation project.

Extensive renovations were made within the existing structure, with only two bedrooms left untouched. The builders put in windows as tall and wide as possible to make the most of that sun.

They knocked down walls to create the big openplan space comprising kitchen, dining, and living spaces at either end, so Sarah could keep an eye on the kids from the kitchen.

After the lino had been ripped off the kitchen floor, Sarah went against her builder’s advice and

kept the matai floorboards with their generations of stains – and the floor’s slight slant. When the plasterboard was ripped off a kitchen wall, Sarah kept the old strips of nail-studded wood.

“I love the simple rustic look of wood,” Sarah says. “Imperfections have their own beauty, and I wanted to preserve the character of the house while also putting my stamp on it.” When they moved in, the house looked like a movie set, with no time to even add door handles. “But it was liveable,” Sarah says.

The hub of the home is the huge wooden kitchen workbench with storage space underneath, bought second-hand in Greytown.

In the bathroom, rather than the usual vanity, is a wooden bench with sinks inserted into it.

The claw-foot bath is, unusually, in the master bedroom, with a view over the Kelburn valley known as The Glen. “I suppose if I can see out, they can see in,” Sarah says with a laugh.

In line with her liking for minimalist Scandinavian design, the house is all washedout creams and greys (with just a few accent colours). “The kids bring the colour to the house with all their stuff. And with a white house, you can dress it up. But I don’t like things to be

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white or perfect – I like the washed-out, textured, grainy look.” She also likes huge Kilim rugs and hardwearing sisal carpet.

An old set of scales from Matt’s rugby club now welcomes visitors from the entrance space.

The original chandelier has been moved from the entrance to the dining room, where it fits perfectly with the ornate ceiling cornices. In the garden, a statue of a girl (which Sarah once hated) has grown on her and is often dressed up. It is currently wearing a bikini. “She looks good, right? I love a bit of humour,” Sarah says. “And I love fairy lights and flowers.” The orange peonies match the colours of the Chinese headboards mounted on the wall.

“They’re meant to bring good luck.”

She certainly deserves some good luck. In late 2013, she noticed her stomach was distended but put it down to having had a baby and lots of chips.

But it was a malignant ovarian tumour. Given the grim prognosis that comes with ovarian cancer, the operation was quickly scheduled for December 27.

Sarah got through that Christmas by dissociating herself from the cancer and focusing on the kids.

The op got the lot – a 1.2kg tumour – and the cancer hadn’t spread. She’d live.

The operation took her ovaries, but Sarah was simply elated to be alive and with her children.

Paddy was only seven months old at the time.

While Sarah was in hospital, Matt brought Paddy in for breastfeeds by day; by night Sarah’s sister Kate Horan, a Paralympian cyclist, breastfed Paddy as well as her own slightly older baby. “I would have had 10 kids if I could,” says Sarah, who’s been a fulltime mother since quitting competitive running, (she won every national middledistance title and represented New Zealand at international meets). “Children are absolute maniacs but they’re so free and they teach you how to live life in the moment.”

After that tough Christmas two years ago, last Christmas felt like a gift – and so will this one.

“I love Christmas like a child does,” Sarah says, eyes gleaming. “Seeing the kids get excited is contagious.” They usually host 20 to 25 people for Christmas, with surprise themes such as moustaches, mullets or water pistols. Sarah gets in the festive mood by putting up her friend Mela Greenslade’s Summer Christmas Company decorations. “I love their clean simplicity. That’s what life is: finding beauty in the simple things.”

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ABROAD

COWS, CROWDED TEMPLES AND CLOSE CALLS TRAVELLING WITH A CHILD THROUGH INDIA

Despite his misgivings about taking his daughter away from her settled life in Wellington, AIDAN RASMUSSEN finds that the first weeks of a planned six-month trip through India and Thailand with his family has already been quite the trip.

“W

hy are there cows in the street, daddy?”

I walk over to the hotel window and peer through the blinds. Three stories below us two brown and white-speckled cows are foraging around a lamppost they’re tied to. For a moment I feel a twinge of sympathy as they have nowhere to graze, but then I realise they’ve got it pretty sweet; it’s unlikely they’re on their way to the slaughterhouse, such is the esteem in which they’re held in India.

We try to explain to our daughter, Selva, that things are done differently here, but she doesn’t understand and I know it’s not a good enough explanation anyway. The fact is, I have no idea why cows walk the streets of India other than that they’re revered. But how do you explain that to a three-year-old? Before Selva sprays me with a volley of ”whys,” our attention is drawn to a man who appears from out of nowhere with a metal pail. He crouches beside one of the cows and begins to pull at its teats as if it were the most natural thing in the world to do at 7am in the middle of a busy street.

Milk squirts like laser beams into his pail.

At moments like these you think you’ve made the right decision to take your kid away from all the things she loves – preschool, grandparents, cousins, Midnight Espresso.

But for my wife Rebekah and me, this was a decision fraught with deliberation and self-doubt.

We were going to India for a very specific reason – to practice yoga at the famous Shri K Pattabhi Jois Yoga Institute in Mysore. Was this selfish? Before we had left my father-in-law had told my wife we’d had our fun and now it was time to settle down and focus on our daughter. Deep down we knew he had a point, but we chose to ignore him and others who said we’d get sick, be ripped off and find India terribly hard work, especially with a child in tow.

How hard is it?

When we walk out of our hotel in Bangalore and the street is lined with beggars and we see a man dragging himself along the footpath on his haunches, it’s hard. When the only thing our daughter wants – but we can’t find – is a playmate, it’s hard. Not as hard, though, as driving a rickshaw all day or carrying baskets of bricks on your head, as we’ve seen people do here in India.

Things will be easier for the next two months, as we’ll be staying in Mysore’s middle-class suburb of Gokulam, which is where the yoga institute is located.

The first Asian city to undertake planned development, and regarded as the second cleanest city in India, we’ve been told Mysore is India-lite. Being first-timers it’s hard to gauge if this is true or not. But relative to our full throttle taxi ride from Bengaluru (Bangalore) International Airport to the city – a cross between F1, NASCAR and Roller Derby – Gokulam feels like a sleepy seaside village. Except that it’s filled

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with massive villas and western-style cafes, and set up for the yoga student. Perfect if you want to ease your way into India.

But we didn’t come to India to experience more of the same. On our first day off we took a rickshaw to Chamundeswari Temple. A popular destination for Indian tourists, the temple is devoted to the Goddess Chamundi who is the deity of Mysore. Our driver dropped us off at the top of Chamundi Hill, and just when we thought we had negotiated our way past the touts, we were hit up for a photo by a pair of Indian couples. We obliged, but only if we could also take our own. As I was preparing to shoot, my wife screamed at me to watch out. Below my line of sight, two water buffaloes were meandering past me. A few millimetres closer and my toes would’ve been trampled to paste.

Knowing that the temple would soon close, we went to run inside but were admonished by a security guard to take off our shoes. He pointed to three teenage boys standing behind a fence, who were taking and returning footwear. After we had handed over our shoes, for a small fee of two rupees per pair, we walked back to the temple entrance, but were distracted by a tout who was shouting at us. “No thanks,” I said, thinking he wanted to sell me something. He smiled, shook his head and pointed at an elderly woman sitting on the ground. Laid out in front of her on newsprint were several coconuts and small bunches of orange flowers.

“You need to take in an offering,” said another man on his way into the temple with his family.

We bought one and went inside, but had absolutely no idea what to do next. All we saw was a queue. In a small courtyard to our left two women were waving frantically at us. They pointed to a man standing on a bench. He

signaled for us to come over and put out his hand for the coconut. We gave it to him. He smashed it open and let the water inside spill into a big blue crate then handed the shell back.

The same two women were now silently urging us to go back inside. We rejoined the queue but were motioned forward by a priest. Embarrassed, we moved ahead and a silver tray, filled with money, was held out for us. I put a 10-rupee note on the tray and the priest dabbed a red chalk circle on our foreheads then waved us away.

A few minutes later we emerged from the temple in a daze. It had been so fast, we weren’t exactly sure what had happened. But there was a big smile on my daughter’s face and my wife was beaming, too, which meant it must have been okay. There was little time to bask in this moment as a man asked if Selva could be photographed with his children. This isn’t unusual. Not a day has gone by that people haven’t requested photos, pinched her cheeks or offered her free food. Sometimes she enjoys the attention. Sometimes she curls into one of us and hides her face away.

It’s too early to know if we’ve made the right decision in parachuting Selva into a strange new land. I think it’s going to be a bit of a mixed bag. Like life, really. What we do know is that for the next three to six months she’s going to have the undivided attention of both her parents, which is sometimes all she wants. Having said that, she’d happily trade us in for an unlimited supply of coconut water (we promised she could have one every day before we left) or a playmate. Fortunately, coconuts are abundant and cost less than 50 cents. Playmates, on the other hand, aren’t so abundant. Luckily for her – and probably us – she’s found one in the form of a four-year-old Swedish-Norwegian girl whose parents are practising yoga with us.

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T O R Q U E TA L K

BAVARIAN BEAUT Y WRITTEN BY ROGER WALKER | PHOTOGRAPHY BY RHETT GOODLEY-HORNBLOW

C

ar manufacturers regularly photograph their products posed by lakes, beaches, or somewhere lovely at dusk, hoping that some of nature’s beauty will rub off on their sometimes mediocre designs.

BMW don’t have to do this, even the worst of their designs are tidy; the best are sublime.

They make beautiful looking cars.

The design values that BMW have consistently added to their engineering, underscore their reputation as a premium manufacturer.

Before 1929, when they began manufacturing cars, they built aircraft engines (hence the famous ‘propeller’ badge).

Their succession of design directors reads like a ‘Who’s Who’.

The BMW ‘kidney’ grille, first introduced by design director Fritz Feidler in 1933, is still omnipresent on their cars.

Subsequently Wilhelm Hofmeister introduced the crease along the side in which the door pulls merge, to emphasise length in the body; the effect is reinforced by short front overhangs.

He also introduced the ‘Hofmeister kink’ reverse angle, where the rear door joins the C pillar.

He said this design feature expresses rear wheel drive; it’s certainly been much copied by other manufacturers.

Chris Bangle, perhaps the most challenging BMW design director, once said he was influenced by Frank Gehry’s architecture. Bangle promoted headlights as eyes, some even with eyelashes and it was during his tenure that Mercedes sales were overtaken for the first time by BMW. And I admire the straightforward way they develop their bloodlines. BMW have no cars called "Exceed" "Bongo" or "Wingroad."

Theirs are designated series, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7. The spectacular new I series is electric, both to look at and to drive. M versions go very fast and X versions go off-road.

So to the the X1 … completely redesigned, this smallest BMW SUV looks far more like a member of the X family than its predecessor, and sits on a brand new platform shared with the new Mini and the 2 Series Active Tourer.

The new X1 has all that BMW DNA but its kidney grille is snortier, its side mouldings are creasier, and its front and rear lights are prettier than its predecessor.

As always there are choices in specifications. The X1 20d we drove is powered by a 2.0 litre 140kW/400Nm four cylinder diesel through an eight speed auto gearbox.

They call it xDrive: that’s front wheel drive – but only until a lack of grip there magically adds power to the rear wheels too.

BMW’s engineering is of course Germanically precise, but not without soul. They build brilliant engines.

Inside it there’s a very upmarket interior with a swoopy dash and a classy cabin with plenty of soft touch leather.

The gadgetry (extras in car speak) is endless.

Heated seats, keyless start, park assist (you don’t have to do a thing it parks all by itself), reversing camera and Sat-Nav are all there. There are 11 different alloy wheel options.

Three drive settings allow you to save fuel, be normal, or go fast.

Sensors let you know about all nearby stationary or moving cars and even pedestrians if they’re uncomfortably close.

The clever gearbox changes seamlessly from auto to manual when you use the steering wheel paddles. In traffic and on the open road both engine and road noise are very suppressed.

Driving down Ngauranga Gorge, the cruise control effortlessly dealt to New Zealand’s most rapacious speed camera.

The back hatch opens and the rear seats lower electrically, so that the piano that you are trying to get in the back doesn’t require you to have an extra arm.

Inconveniently for car thieves, the car’s "connected drive" system knows exactly where it is on the planet. And conveniently, if you’ve just plunged into a gorge and an airbag deploys, it will organise someone to phone you up. There’s much more.

The BMW X1 20d is on the burgeoning premium SUV market starting at $76,500. “My” one had a whole heap of extras which can add as much as $15,000. I feel it’s a compelling mix of Steven Hawking and Scarlett Johansson. I want one.

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W E L LY A NG E L

WHAT WOULD DEIRDRE D O? Got a problem? Maybe we can help.

Welly Angel Deirdre Tarrant, mother of three boys, founder of Footnote Dance Company and teacher of dance to generations of Wellingtonians, will sort out your troubles.

EATING LIKE A BIRD Two of us regularly catch up over a meal, usually for lunch, occasionally it’s dinner. I have stopped drinking any alcohol and am a vegetarian and my share of the bill is about a third of the total. I eat much less than he does and he always has two or three glasses of wine.

I am beginning to resent that we still split the bill, between us. He doesn’t even appear to notice the difference. I enjoy the contact with an old friend so how do I suggest, without looking mean, that we each pay for our own order?

Short of cash, Churton Park It's tricky as there is clearly such a longstanding precedent, but I can totally relate to how irritating this has become. You could simply bring it up as you stand at the pay counter with others in earshot; or go for a subtler maneuver and find a reason to leave a lunch “unexpectedly” early and pay your share as you leave. I think you need to set a precedent for paying your own share, and making the first time seem circumstantial might ease the situation. An alternative is to fast the day before and go hardout on dessert on the day to get your share of the bill up there.

STILL DEPENDANTS

LOW PROFILE PREFERRED

Do you think employed adult children should pay board, if they choose to live at home?

Still working, Upper Hutt Depends on a lot of things, but mostly how you feel. It is your home and if your children are working then a contribution is definitely in order. Agree on an amount and stick to it as you would any other business deal.

FESTIVE FAMILY LOVE What is the best present to offer my former mother-in-law? She doesn’t need anything, nor does she like me, but has invited me on Christmas Day. Solo, Petone There is no one who doesn't love to get a present. Christmas is a time for giving but it doesn't need to be huge – make jam or fudge – or give flowers (or one rose) before or on the day. Does she have a favourite massage or spa place or restaurant for which you could get her a voucher? Or perhaps a basket of goodies? I am more and more committed to treats and events and consumables as gifts, since yes, there comes a stage when the people you know have everything they need. Simple or sumptuous, she will still like a surprise. It is irrelevant whether she likes you or not (too much information!)

What is your view on facebook? I do have a page and occasionally post items, maybe once or twice a month. One of my good friends is a manic user and posts daily everything that is happening in her life. However that often includes photos of activities with me and other friends and family. She takes no notice when I (and others) have asked her not to include any of us. I don’t want my activities spread across the world. She thinks we are just technologically behind, says I am being silly and takes no notice. How do I tell her?

Thin skinned, Karori You are asking the wrong person here. I do not have a Facebook page despite much urging and I know there are times when photos get posted but I am not that concerned as I never see them! In fact I was horrified when I recently Googled myself to see the stuff up there! Turn that off! We are living in a milieu of frenzied social communication, so I think you have to let it go but maybe seeing this friend needs to be a little less regular. If you are not alone and she has not respected your requests, then maybe it is an issue for the relationship? Friends should respect each other’s comfort zones and be supportive.

If you’ve got a burning question for Deirdre, email angel@capitalmag.co.nz with Capital Angel in the subject line.

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Even if it’s something you’ve been trying to do for a while, getting pregnant for the first time can be scary – like excitedly lining up for a roller coaster ride only to realise as soon as your harness locks in place that you’d actually rather stay on the ground. On top of the emotional upheaval there are varying degrees of nausea, relentless exhaustion, helplessly watching as your body stretches and bloats beyond recognition and of course the unsolicited advice of friends, family and people on the bus. This is why it’s so important to surround yourself with people you trust; a midwife who makes you feel empowered, a friend who’s been through it all before, an antenatal group whose teaching supports your beliefs about pregnancy and birth.

I didn’t attend an antenatal group when I was pregnant – the timing didn’t work and instead we sought the relevant information from friends who had kids. So last week when a friend asked me to go with her as a support person I was interested to learn what I’d missed out on. We arrived early, and I watched as, two-by-two, the parents-to-be filed in nervously and took their seats. The value in this kind of gathering was apparent immediately – over a couple of hours the educators offered a sense of calm and confidence, teaching them to replace negative thought patterns with positive affirmations, empowering partners to embrace their important roles in pregnancy and labour, and carefully undoing the damage done by all the horrific birth stories that for some reason people feel compelled to share as soon as they spot a pregnant belly.

I did, though, prick my ears up in one part of the class when the educator spoke about the roles of fear and trust in childbirth. Fear, she said, can cause our bodies to shut

down – to inhibit the release of the hormone oxytocin, responsible for stimulating contractions and facilitating cervical dilation. She used the example of an animal in labour – should danger present itself nearby, labour will cease until the animal has reached somewhere safe. The heavily emphasised implication is that turning your fears into positive affirmations and remaining calm during labour will aid a trauma-free, natural birth.

I understand the importance of empowering women to trust their bodies. To face the daunting unknown with a sense of hope and optimism. And maybe that can aid the physical task of labour. But what happens if your body doesn’t get the memo? Despite a marathon 32 hours labouring at home with our daughter I never felt afraid – not until we were informed at the hospital that our happy intended home birth was turning into an emergency caesarean. Up until that point I felt nothing but calm, safe and well supported. I trusted completely in my body to do what it needed to do, but for whatever reason it didn’t. And this kind of experience isn’t uncommon.

I’m worried for the women in those classes who may join the many who blame themselves should their labour not follow their “plan.” Who will tell themselves they weren’t calm or trusting or relaxed enough and that’s why things took a turn. Who will feel like they’ve let their children down before they’ve even had a chance to start. Because while I can get on board with the argument that the medicalisation of childbirth has gone too far, that women have been giving birth for thousands of years, and that our bodies can do amazing things – the truth is that sometimes they disappoint us. And not one bit of that is our fault.

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CALENDAR

F R E E W E L LY Feeling the pinch? Check out the following ideas...

RU NNING FREE Sweating is free, so sprint down to Bothamley Park, Porirua. Every Saturday at 8am there is a 5km run – it's you against the clock. The course tracks the original road alignment established for the early farms in the area. Its gravel surface is three metres wide and follows the Kenepuru Stream through a wooded valley. Sounds like a breeze. Register at www.parkrun.co.nz so you are timed. Exhilaration and general health improvement are free too.

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Everything short-term and ephemeral is very millennial isn’t it? Pop-up shops, flash mobs, Britney Spears’ 24hour marriage etc. If you’re in the Hutt you can catch a caravan carol concert courtesy of Nick Tansley (probably kitted out in a red tinsel-trimmed suit). Bring a picnic and sing “Good King Wenceslas” in lusty chorus. They are popping up at 6pm in Maungaraki (Dec 2), Moera (Dec 3), Waterloo (Dec 9), Naenae (Dec 10), Stokes Valley (Dec16) and Eastbourne (Dec 22).

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DECEMBER

02 THE BACKYARD CRICKET CHRISTMAS LONG LUNCH Wellington’s biggest ever game of backyard cricket followed by a very, very long lunch.

2 Dec 1.00pm, Westpac Stadium, Waterloo Quay

03 CONFERENCE OF THE ASYLUM SEEKER AT THE DECLARATION OF CONSCIOUSNESS Artist James Harcourt has created his own Aro Valley folklore, using the characters of asylum seekers to explore environmental issues.

3 Dec 2015 – 17 Jan 2016, TOI Gallery, Pātaka, Parumoana St, Porirua

SECTION HEADER

TRENTHAM CHRISTMAS AT THE RACES

HANDEL'S MESSIAH A three-hundred-year-old Christmas smash hit.

With the New Zealand Symphony Orchestra.

5 Dec 10:00am, Trentham Racecourse, Upper Hutt

12 Dec 6.00pm, Michael Fowler Centre

CHRISTMAS MARKETS AT THE UNDERGROUND MARKET Every weekend in December, Frank Kitts Carpark, Jervois Quay

06 SUNDAY CONCERT Wellington Chamber orchestra, with conductor Donald Maurice and violinist Martin Riseley.

Masterpieces from Dvorak.

6 Dec 2.00pm, St Andrews on the Terrace THORNDON FAIR Thorndon Fair usually attracts more than 20,000 people to the capital's oldest suburb.

13 SANTA PARADE — CAPITAL CHRISTMAS Wellington's annual Santa parade began in 1949. Arrive early, and use public transport or walk if possible.

13 Dec 2.–3.00pm Lambton Quay to Manners Street

14 CHANUKAH IN THE PARK Celebrate with the local Jewish community on the final day of Chanukah. Food stalls, klezmer music, Israeli dancing, face painting and more. Shalom.

14 Dec, 5.00pm – 7.00pm, Midland Park, Lambton Quay

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6 Dec 10.00am, Tinakori Rd and Hill St, Thorndon

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SING WITH THE NZSO The New Zealand Symphony Orchestra offers a chance to sing with the orchestra at its annual free concert.

IT'S GOT TO BE JAZZ Step in to the festive season with a jazz service.

WELLINGTON FIREBIRDS V OTAGO VOLTS First Class Cricket Match – Plunket Shield 17 Dec 10.30am, Basin Reserve

5 Dec 10.30am – noon, Wellington Foyer, Level 1, Te Papa HATAITAI COMMUNITY MONTHLY MARKET Items including preserves, toys, babywear, cosmetics, antiques, books, clothing, honey, ethnic food, bric a brac, plants, paintings, material, patterns and more. First Saturday each month.

5 Dec 10.00am, Hataitai Bowling Club, 157 Hataitai Rd, Hataitai SYMPHONY NO 6, PATHÉTIQUE Orchestra Wellington’s final concert in the series celebrating Tchaikovsky; with Michael Houstoun – piano, and Marc Taddei – conductor.

5 Dec 7.30pm, Michael Fowler Centre TURANGAWAEWAE, A PLACE TO STAND | NGĀ TAMA TOA 40 YEARS ON This six-part documentary "Tangata Whenua" was the first documentary series of its kind to be broadcast on mainstream television.

5 Dec 4.30pm, Nga Taonga Sound & Vision, 84 Taranaki St

6 Dec 10.00am, St Peter's on Willis, 211 Willis St SCORCHING TRIATHLON Swimming, cycling and running for participants (male, female, young and old) of all abilities.

(Minimum age 10).

6 Dec 7.30am, Scorching Bay

11 SHORT FILM FESTIVAL Alliance Française presents their new set of short films coming mainly, but not only, from France.

11 Dec 5.00pm, 12 Dec 2.00pm Alliance Française, 78 Victoria St

12 CAROLS IN THE PARK Come and enjoy a night of carols singing and entertainment and fun.

12 Dec 6.30—9:15pm, Harcourt Park, Akatarawa Rd, Brown Owl, Upper Hutt AC/DC ROCK OR BUST WORLD TOUR Shihad and Villainy, will also perform at AC/DC’s Rock Or Bust concert in Wellington 12 Dec 6.20pm, Westpac Stadium, Waterloo Quay

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19 WELLINGTON PHOENIX V SYDNEY FC 19 Dec 7.15pm, Westpac Stadium JUNGLE PARTY: FAMILY DAY Celebrate DreamWorks Animation with a Madagascar-inspired Jungle Party. Come dressed as your favourite jungle animal. Activities for kids and families.

Sat 19 Dec, 10am, Te Marae, Te Papa

20 TEAM WELLINGTON V WELLINGTON PHOENIX Round six of the ASB Premiership, New Zealand's top domestic football competition.

20 Dec 2.00pm, David Farrington Park, Weka St, Miramar

31 NEW YEAR FESTIVITIES Specially commissioned illuminations, music and midnight fireworks are planned for family revellers.

Children’s countdown is planned for 9pm.

New Year’s Eve, Frank Kitts Lagoon

ON THE BUSES

SHAUN D ORRESTEYN Bus route: 121, from Lower Hutt to Seaview

Frequency: every weekday

Work: graphic designer

“I catch the bus at 7.15 every morning. I am quite lucky that there aren’t many other people about at that time. But at 4.15 each day it is quite busy. On one occasion I saw two people sneaking onto the bus. The bus driver didn’t see it. While I was thinking about it, another man who also saw them sneak on, went up to them and offered to pay for their tickets as he didn’t believe in dishonesty and he didn’t want the two people kicked off the bus as another bus wasn’t for another half hour. It was something I didn’t think of doing and I am so glad for these moments that open your eyes to the good people in your every day moments.”

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