WELLY ANGEL

What would Deirdre do?

ADVICE FROM DEIRDRE TARRANT

PETTY THOUGHTS

Friends of mine have just been helped in a big way by their parents to buy their first house. It’s really petty and smallminded of me, but I can’t help resenting them. I’ve worked my bum off with two jobs to scrounge up a mortgage, and I’m still not there. How do I remain friends with them when I’m seething with resentment?! Simmer stress, Seatoun

Get over it! Grow up! This is totally a waste of your emotional resources! Everyone has different circumstances – jealousy gets you nowhere. It makes one feel worse so compounds rather than relieves the problem that caused it.

Be proud you are doing this on your own. Resentment is uncalled for. Stay friends.

SEX DRIVE DIFFERENCES

My partner has said it's okay if I want to find other sexual partners. Our sex drives are quite different. Does that mean I have to offer the same freedoms also? Unsure, Thorndon

Find another partner! You must have pride in yourself first and foremost.

LIFE’S A COMPETITION?

My flatmate and I have both matched with the same guy on Tinder. She says she has “dibs” on him ‘cos she matched first, but he’s asked me for a drink and not her. Is this one of those “mates before dates” things? Or is it okay for me to go out with him? Flatmate, Petone

You said it! Sounds like “mates before dates” but it is early days and up to you. No one has dibs on anyone. What a horrible use of words. PROPOSAL STRESS

I want to ask my girlfriend of two years to marry me, but the idea of coming up with a memorable, special moment to ask her is making me sweat at night! Any ideas on how to do it? She likes cats, cake, embroidery, and tramping. Anxious, Lower Hutt

You have the answer! Create a one-off event for the two of you that incorporates all of these plus something special that you like to do together and go for it.

Make it a surprise. Perhaps invest in picnic plates with cats painted on them, then take a tramp to somewhere like Butterfly Creek, with a picnic including cake, presented on your/ her grandmother’s embroidered cloth, preferably with matching napkins. Hide the ring (maybe use a placeholder ring so she can choose with you later) under her slice of cake – and complete the day with dinner out or a helicopter ride. Create your version of a themed treat day. It is the effort that counts. Stop sweating and just do it!

Good luck and happy memories.

ANTIVAXX RAGE

How do I handle the differing opinions between my antivaxxing family and my inlaws and friends. My family are completely thoughtless and infuriating in their refusal to listen to any science-related points. They are rude and foolish, but still my family and do I tell them they can’t join us at Christmas? My inlaws are immunocompromised. Not a conspiracy theorist, Tawa

This is going to be an ongoing issue with us. I am with you – we can all vaccinate and take action towards prevention of this virus that is decimating the world and will clearly continue to affect us for a long time yet. It looks like you will be splitting your Christmas celebrations this year. Be charming but stand firm. You need to care for both sides of your family and keep them apart, not just for safety.

If you’ve got a burning question for Deirdre, email angel@capitalmag.co.nz with Capital Angel in the subject line.

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Brett Graham: Tai Moana Tai Tangata Brett Graham (Ngāti Koroki Kahukura, Tainui) is known for his large-scale sculptures exploring indigenous histories, politics, and philosophies. His exhibition Tai Moana Tai Tangata addresses the New Zealand Wars and their legacy, through the architectures of warfare and war memorials.

On now until Sunday 31 Oct Te Ngākau Civic Square, Wellington. citygallery.org.nz Judy Millar: Action Movie

Auckland painter Judy Millar, famously ‘paints backwards’, wiping paint off her canvases to create exaggerated, hyperactive brush strokes that seem to float in illusionistic space. Full of drama, her works breathe life into the discredited idea of action painting—she’s a reanimator.

On now until Sunday 31 Oct Te Ngākau Civic Square, Wellington. citygallery.org.nz Tia Ranginui: Gonville Gothic

In her new series Tua o Tāwauwau/Away with the Fairies (2020–1), Whanganui photographer Tia Ranginui (Ngāti Hine Oneone) addresses patupaiarehe. In Māori myth, they were the first people of New Zealand. They lived in the forests and mountains, building their homes from swirling mists.

On now until Sunday 31 Oct Te Ngākau Civic Square, Wellington. citygallery.org.nz

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