CARDBOARD GAMING MAGAZINE
JUNE 7, 2013 ISSUE 3, VOLUme 1 CARDBOARDMAG@GMAIL.COM @CARDBOARDzINE
We’re counting down. DETAILS FOR THE NEW XBOX ONE HAVE BEEN RELEASED. NOW IT’S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME AND A QUESTION OF WHAT WILL BE LEFT BEHIND. With Microsoft reportedly revamping the achievements system for the Xbox and the inevitable influx of new games with the upcoming console, many things will be left behind. Cardboard Magazine delves into 50 achievements to guide you on a farewell tour of games soon shelved as “classic.”
THE XBOX ONE
8GB RAM BLU-RAY DRIVE GDDR3 or GDDR5? HDMI I N /OUT 8-CORE CPU USB 3. 0 500GB Hard drive 802.11n wireless PROCESSING? UPDATED KINECT TV, SKYPE, SNAP FUNCTIONS
ANNOUNCED GAMES CALL OF DUTY:GHOSTS, FIFA 14, FORZA 5, MADDEN NFL 25, NBA LIVE, QUANTUM BREAK AND UFC.
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GAMECEPTION
These achievements inside games reference other games.
MY BROTHER IS AN ITALIAN PLUMBER 15G BORDERLANDS
Kill an enemy by stomping on its head. And followed in the next game by...
DEFINITELY AN ITALIAN PLUMBER 15G BORDERLANDS 2
Killed Donkey Mong. And because we love Borderlands achievements so much, there’s another to follow in the “just like in the movies” section.
ARROW TO THE KNEE! 20G CRYSIS 3
Single Player - End an enemy’s career as a CELL operative by wounding him in the knee with an arrow!
THIS ONE’S FOR JENKINS! 10G HALO
Kill 50 Flood Combat Forms on the level “343 Guilty Spark” on Heroic difficulty or higher.
SOLI: D SNAPE 15G LEGO HARRY POTTER YEARS 1-4
Lego games are the best for references. Better are ones that reference this magazine’s namesake - the infamous cardboard box. Hide in a barrel as Snape.
THE LIE 40G MINECRAFT
Wheat, sugar, milk and eggs! Get back in the kitchen and go make me a cake.
FORMER ADVENTURER 15G TOMB RAIDER
Incapacitate 25 enemies with dodge counter (stabbing them in the knee with an arrow).
JUST LIKE IN THE With achievements like these you’ll never need to scale Mt. Netflix Queue ever again.
MOVIES
PANDORA-DOG MILLIONAIRE 50G BORDERLANDS
If you can’t figure out what this one references I can’t help you. Earn $1,000,000.
ALIVE WITHOUT BREATH 10G DISHONORED
You took possession of a fish. Technically this is a book reference too, but since the Hobbit movies are just releasing now I figured it should be slotted here.
AFFINITY AND BEYOND 10G DRAGON’S DOGMA
Raised a person’s affinity to the maximum. I’m a sucker for Toy Story references.
YO, ADRIAN! 15G FEAR 3
Find something worth punching. Melee the punching bags in the training room in the final level.
MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK 30G GEARS OF WAR
Defeat a Berserker on Hardcore Difficulty. Chicks think it’s sexy.
FED THE FISH 5G GTA IV
Complete the mission “Uncle Vlad.” Let’s be honest, the first couple GTA games were all basically trying to be the Godfather anyway.
THIS IS PERSIA! 20G
PRINCE OF PERSIA: become a classic reference point, I think.
Kick twenty enemies off of ledges. 300 has really
THE FORGOTTEN SANDS
POP CULTURE REFERENCES
This section houses achievements that reference the internet or culture in general.
OM NOM NOM! 10G BULLETSTORM
Feed a flytrap with a Nom parasite.
ONE SMALL STEP 10G dead Space 2
Get through the first Zero-G area.
TWO CUPS ONE GIRL 10G DiRT 2
Win two team events with the same female teammate.
PUT DA TEAM ON MY BACK 50G MADDEN NFL 12
Catch a 99 yard TD pass with Greg Jennings (No OTP or co-op).
LADIES’ MAN 40G MAFIA I
Find all of the Playboy magazines.
FEAR THE REAPER 10G MEDAL OF HONOR
Singleplayer: In Dorothy’s a Bitch, destroy the entire AQ Camp with the AC-130.
IT TAKES A REALLY BIG VILLAGE.. 50G SKATE 3
Reach community board sales target.
Achievements in this section reference TV shows.
AS SEEN ON TV
HELLO NURSE 30G In Castle DLC matchmaking, heal a near-death teammate with Regen Field 5 times. I can’t help but love an Animaniacs reference.
HALO 4
I See You Favour A .45 10G Killed 10 enemies in a Firefight or Campaign session with the M6G pistol.
HALO: REACH
PIT BOSS 30G Show that pit who’s boss.
MISCELLANEOUS Everything else.
THE BIRTH OF AN ASSASSIN 20G ASSASSIN’S CREED 2
Let’s be honest, this one was unforgettable. Be reborn as Ezio Auditore Da Firenze.
. .- -- .- .-. . . .- . 20g ASSASSIN’S CREED: BROTHERHOOD
Solve all of Subject 16’s Puzzles. I am alive.
INVOLUNTARY EUTHANASIA 25G BATTLEFIELD 3
Kill the 2 soldiers before the building falls on them in Uprising.
ET TU, BRUTE? 15G BATTLEFIELD: BAD COMPANY 2
Knife five friends while online. Technically this is a play reference, but it didn’t fit in anywhere.
PORTAL
HEARTBREAKER 50G BIOSHOCK INFINITE
Killed a Handyman by only shooting his heart.
MILE HIGH CLUB 20G CALL OF DUTY 4 MODERN WARFARE
This goes in my list of “not worth it” sheerly because of the time it takes. Sky dive to safety on Veteran difficulty. This one is just a matter of pride.
MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DOOM 15G CALL OF DUTY BLACK-OPS 2
Multiplayer — In Diner Turned, retrieve a chained Cymbal Monkey in a Public Match.
THE DOLLCATCHER 10G Fable I
Collect all the hero dolls. This one also goes under puny reward for effort spent.
CORONATION CHICKEN 10G FABLE I I
Perform a royal judgement while dressed as a chicken.
HIGHER THAN A KITE 20G FAR CRY 3
Use your wingsuit to reach the Southern island.
THE ONE FREE BULLET 40G HALF-LIFE 2
Beat Episode One firing exactly one bullet. Grenade, crowbar, rocket, and Gravgun kills are okay!
BRIDGE LIMBO 20G JUST CAUSE 2
Fly an airplane under 30 unique bridges in Panau.
KEEP A LID ON 15G L.A. NOIRE
Complete a brawl without losing your hat as an LAPD Detective or Investigator.
GUARDIN’ GNOME 30G LEFT 4 DEAD 2
Rescue Gnome Chompski from the Carnival.
I SWEAR! I DID IT BY MISTAKE! 10G LOLLIPOP CHAINSAW
Peeped under Juliet’s skirt once.
PARAMOUR 25G MASS EFFECT 3
Establish or rekindle a romantic relationship. The achievement really wasn’t anything amazing for this, but character interaction in Bioware games deserves a shoutout.
FULL MONTY 10G MAX PAYNE 3
Single Player — Complete One Of Each Game Mode Including All Gang Wars.
PTURRETDACTYL 5G PORTAL 2
Use an Aerial Faith Plate to launch a turret.
DASTARDLY 5G RED DEAD REDEMPTION
Place a hogtied woman on the train tracks and witness her death by train. Possibly one of my favorite achievements of all time.
BAPTISM BY FIRE 15G RESIDENT EVIL 5
Defeat 3 Majini at once with a drum or gas tank explosion.
SHADES OF JAMES 20G SILENT HILL HOMECOMING
Defeated 1 Siam. This originally made the list as “funny in hindsight” due to the 50 Shades of Grey books. I, of course, forgot that the protagonist’s name is Christian - not James. Close enough.
A PINT AND A SHAG 10G The SABOTEUR
You got lucky with Skylar. Found before the first race.
THE ReVILER 30G
Became a public menace.
THE SIMS 3
TOUGH HOMBRE 30G TOM CLANCY’S RAINBOW SIX
Completed Border Town in single player Story Mode.
1000 GAMERSCORE
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