Flounder Mag Issue #3 by MagLab Cardiff

MENTAL HEALTH

FLOUNDER VACCINATIONS Our WELL BEING collective RE EN TERING anxiety GUIDE LINES SOCIAL ISNG HUMAN TOUCH OUR ANXIETY STRESSED OUT Every fail has a tale

Wellbeing Issue

COME F LO U N D E R W IT H U S

The wellbeing issue Dear Reader, Wellbeing is the word on everyone’s lips right now, but it turns out it’s a really difficult skill to master. With the end of lockdown now in sight, we’re all worried about how a year in isolation has affected us - in every aspect of our lives. Which brings us to our third issue of Flounder: the wellbeing issue. But not in a “honing your zen, mastering your chi” kind of way, because where’s the fun in that? No, in true Flounder style, we’re looking at some of the aspects of wellbeing that don’t get talked about all that much. Our cover feature examines the emerging phenomenon of PLSD: post-lockdown stress disorder. With over a year spent indoors, it’s almost scary to think about venturing out into the big wide world again, and we’ve spoken to some people about both their feelings and the science behind them. Elsewhere we’re exploring the effects of toxic masculinity on 21st century men, figuring out how to manage our relationships with our inner demons, and sharing some pearls of wisdom from our lovely grandparents. But more important than all that is the reminder that your mental wellbeing doesn’t define you: things might be tough right now, but that’s okay, because there will be a whole host of things to worry about soon enough. Can we hold a conversation with a stranger for more than ten seconds? How do we react when that good-looking person makes eyes at us from across the beer garden? What even is a press-up? So if you’re lonely or struggling, scared, bewildered or overwhelmed, fear not:

This one’s for you.

@flounder_mag

Polly Angelova Harriet Argent Rebecca Astill Ellie Ball Chloe Coules Jack Cousins Jack Fittes Laura Dazon Jessica Downey

Jacob Moreton Anoushka Nawaz-Khan Tereza Nováková Kellie Williams Ellen Redman Eve Rowlands Matt Taylor Annie Wheatland- Clinch Josh Ong

IMAGE CREDIT: SARAH BROWN UNSPLASH

Contributors

C O NTENTS

4 Dear House

5 Your Social Five a Day 6 Expectation vs Reality

8 Unfinished Business Voxpop 9 The 2021 Pin-up Girl Diet

1 0 Ditch the list End Meeting For All

14 Down With the Patriarchy

17 The Female Response

18 24

Next Stop: The Unknown

Fake it til you break it

28 Is Remote Working the Enemy? 30 Which Post-Pandemic Person Are You? 32 Goldies From the Oldies 34

Relationships with our demons

3 6 You and Food 37 Things I Didn’t Achieve in Lockdown

3 8 Agony Aunt

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An open break up letter to houses across the nation as we begin to return to “normal” life

t’s been a whirlwind. Who knew that we’d go from rushed mornings and knackered evenings together to the inseparable duo. I know more about your character, your strengths, your imperfections than I know about my own best friend. What time your windows creak in the sun, where you like to hide the remotes and the socks - actually the socks are still a mystery. It goes both ways though. I’ve never spent so much time confined by the same four walls, adrift in a world stood still. A pocket existence, and a tough one at that.

The thing is, I’m getting this in early as I know it’s a big change. But we’re allowed out now and I’m not sure we’ll ever be the same again. It’s time to get back in the world, if I remember how, and we’re going to right back as brief passing acquaintances. It’s going to be weird for you. But you’ll still have the dog… it’s been a ride.

Thanks and for now, goodbye. 4

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IMAGE CREDIT: UNSPLASH.COM

You could have been disgusted with my three day no shower depressions. The sofa slump covered in the remains of an entire pack of hobnobs. With the 25 attempts to quit smoking. With my displeasure for the Netflix reminder that I have been watching for 8 hours, and yes I’m sure I want to continue - judgmental prick. Sorry. What I’m trying to say is thanks for being there and seeing me through this. Sorry the puppy pissed all over you.

S A N I T Y S O L U T I ONS

your SOCIAL Five a day To help you emerge from your duvet cocoon as a social butterfly By Chloe Coules

cientists recommend that you get 5 types of social interaction a day to stay happy and healthy – a bit like with your fruit and veg. That’s all well and good, but it is more complicated than it seems in a pandemic, when you haven’t left your room in weeks, and your under-watered house plants have become your closest friends. However, if you take a leaf out of the Flounder book and set your expectations REALLY low, it is possible to convince yourself that you have a thriving social life. Give yourself a pat on the back if you’ve managed any of these thrilling social interactions recently:

Spend an hour shouting down the phone at your well-meaning grandparents who can’t figure out how to work the volume buttons on the smartphones they reluctantly own

IMAGE CREDIT: PIXABAY

Pet a dog in the street, then awkwardly remember there’s a human attached to it at the other end of the lead and exchange shy pleasantries

Overshare about the contents of your basket to the corner shop checkout worker, who knows , despite your protests, the three tubs of Ben & Jerry’s are all for you

Make small talk with work colleagues about the posters, wall art and intellectual books they have carefully curated in the back of their zoom frame to appear well-adjusted and chic

Catch up with friends in a socially distanced and respectable way by getting drunk on cheap cider in the park, even though you stopped being able to feel your hands two pints ago

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FREQUEN T FA I L S

Is a the lockdown we ALL need? A Vipassana retreat with Dan Wyn

By Jack Fittes

“ Yo u w e r e n’ t al l o w e d to b ri n g a n y r e a d i n g m ate ri al s , a n y w ri t i n g m ate ri al s , a n y te ch n o l o g i e s” Dan explains that by stripping away any kind of stimulation and entertainment, it enables you to figure out if you have benefited from the process. Otherwise you might have just really enjoyed reading your book in some peaceful silence. So he headed to the Dhamma Dipa centre in Hereford with nothing but his comfies, signed up, locked away his phone, keys and wallet and with a pang of stark reality he was in.

NW By JackAFittes

IMAGE CREDIT: JACK FITTES

he last year or so has been its own strange form of retreat for all of us, hunkered down in the stillness of our abodes. Now, retreat might seem like a strong word for laying around in pyjamas and staring out the front window dreaming of the pub - but retreats aren’t always escapist bliss. Maybe helping monks prune their bushes or raking swirls into their pebble gardens would be pretty delightful, but what about the retreats that challenge you, laying you bare to help you pick up the pieces. Have we in some way been on our own retreat, but without the guidance wand structure to make it useful? Vipassana is a form of retreat that uses extended meditation and an enforced silence to help people reach states where they can deal with their internal mental activity. These usually take place over ten days - a gruelling challenge that can have an array of effects on the body and mind. Considering many of us have discovered our mental health looks more like the wobbly tube dancer outside car showrooms than Fort Knox, we thought now was as good a time as any to hear more about the experience from someone who has braved it before... Dan Wyn is a 32-year-old independent advocate for people with special needs and the artistic director of new CELF (a multi-disciplinary arts organisation). He was advised to try a Vipassana retreat by a therapist he was seeing at the time, who Dan was struggling to engage with - finding himself increasingly frustrated and angry in their sessions. Dan made the decision to pack a car full of sweat pants, jumpers and blankets and leave for Vipassana.

Wakeup call “A standard day would start at 4am with a gong. A genuine gong at 4am - that was wild.” Slightly zombified and completely freezing at the crack of dawn on a February morning, Dan made his way to the meditation hall. What ensued were 10 days of intense silent meditation, with brief breaks, lasting until 8pm every day. For the first few days attendees were allowed to adjust themselves, but by day three you had to sit completely still. “Basically what you do is you focus on parts of the body. So just start with the top of the temple. And then you notice what sensation is there? Is it itchy? Is it buzzing?” said Dan. “The theory in the practice is that like, basically, you learn not to respond to these physical things. So if there’s an ache or an edge or like cramp, you just acknowledge it, and then move on. It’s fu**ing gruelling!” Alongside this interesting brand of internal torture, they were also not allowed to masturbate or to commit murder (which luckily meant eating vegetarian food, and wasn’t a presumption that by day six you might smother someone with your yoga mat).

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One day Dan remembers finishing a meditation session and finding that he couldn’t move his legs at all! Although this only lasted for about six minutes and he eventually dragged himself out of the hall, the experience has clearly left a mark. He laughs it off, scratches his head and scrunches his face at the sky as he pictures this version of himself helpless and defeated on the floor. Although he manages to laugh it off now and is clearly proud of making it through, Vipassana is a hardcore and affronting way to pursue personal growth that not everyone could hack. Dan reckons that around half the people had left by the end.

“Pe o p l e d i s a p p e a r e d i n th e d a rk . . . p e o p l e w o u l d n’ t b e th e r e th e n ext d a y ”

Art of meditation Although Dan didn’t get the emotional breakthrough he hoped for, he does now practice this body scanning Vipassana style meditation regularly. What Dan did leave with was a whole host of musical ideas to put together when he got home inspired by a storm that took place during his meditation. “There was a rainstorm, and it lasted 45 minutes. It was the best thing ever. It was like a beautiful soundscape piece, and I was fu**ing obsessed with it. It was the highlight!” Dan says with a giant grin. “So I just listened. And I actually stopped meditating. After six days of no stimulus - yeah. It was immense. And you could hear the waves of rain and there were real crescendos and those loud periods and quiet periods and little like counter rhythms and stuff. And it was just this immense moment.” Dan also left with a reminder to appreciate the simple entertainment that life and nature can provide. One day he was strolling through the gardens on his lunch at the Vipassana centre, he discovered a middle-aged man sneakily and joyfully feeding a little fat robin. “I saw a guy, and he’d taken some sunflower seeds from breakfast. He just sat feeding this one fat Robin and he’s having a great time. Then this other guy comes and sits next to him, he pulls out a Ryvita and they’re both feeding him. Then this kind of younger guy comes out, gets so excited and

THE SIMPLE THINGS There is more than one type of Vipassana and you don’t have to dive right in for 10 days. At the Amaravati Buddhist Centre the practice involves nature walks and there is a closer more vocal relationship with the teachers. Most centres are donation based, but if you have £600 spare, you can go luxurious and attend The Art of Meditation! The silence sounds intimidating but it can create the space to relax that you don’t

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IMAGE CREDIT: PIXABAY

Another time Dan found himself insanely aroused and had to wait about an hour to rid himself of an erection which he had to observe and do nothing about… in a room full of a hundred people. He likened it to the dreaded teenage moment your teacher asks you to hand out books as you try to use your mind powers to force back an unexpected rise. Ahh, teenagehood: what a complete nightmare that was.

forces his way in between these two guys. He pulls out two Ryvitas!” Dan pulls two invisible Ryvitas out of pocket on the park bench, imitating the young lads sneaky joy. “I look around in this moment of clarity and see there’s about 12 fully grown men all watching this one bird being fed and having the fu**ing time of their lives. Like it’s the best thing they’ve ever seen. Because of that lack of stimulus. And I actually genuinely started laughing and you’re not supposed to. So I ran away.” He says he would never suggest someone do a Vipassana, but if they are intrigued or tempted - absolutely go for it. Dan hasn’t spoken about this experience for a while, and while he remembers the physical pain in incredible detail, he is very aware that it has helped him in some way to deal with his mental health and was certainly worth his time. After ten hard days, Dan paid his donation, hopped in the car and blasted death metal all the way home - screaming at the top of his voice down country lanes - preparing himself for whatever reality might bring.

EXPECTATION VS REALITY

Still vivid

7 7

VOX -PO P P ED

Unfinished business The lockdown hobbies and projects that flopped

Jog on

Going bananas

I’ve had two stints of jogging since the lockdown saga began. Both have started with the same revelation: “This feels amazing, why on earth have I not been doing this every day of my life? I am totally going to do this every day of my life!” This is then shortly followed by, “Hmm maybe not today, I did a bit of work today. I deserve to sit and then maybe sit some more.” Next thing I know I’m jogging off four days sitting, nursing a stitch with my stupid dry eyes streaming like I’m having a breakdown. Door. Pant. Hand on wall. That’s enough of that thank you very much, see you in 6 months. And repeat. Round two certainly lasted a while longer, maybe even a couple of weeks - but that was mostly down to the guilt of buying running shoes. Now I don’t even feel guilty… I even give them a smug glance as they catch my eye from the back seat of my car that takes me places with no effort whatsoever. Maybe next time, eh?

Didn’t most of us go through a baking stint last year? I sure as hell did. In an attempt to try and be healthier (which also didn’t last long, I have to say), I bought a metric ton of bananas every time I went to the shops. Unsurprisingly they went brown very quickly, but ended up proving very useful for banana bread. I made one to try and kill some time one Sunday afternoon, and my life was changed. I loved it. So I made more. And more. And more. For about a month I was baking almost non-stop, but baking exclusively banana bread. My family, only one of whom actually eats banana bread, were less than impressed. But the fad didn’t last long: a little over a month later I suddenly stopped, and the baked goods were no more. RIP Matt’s banana bread, we hardly knew you.

Jack Fittes

Matt Taylor

Crystal vision Like many people, lockdown set me off on a wellbeing kick. Once going to the pub was off the table, I spent a lot of energy on self-care, dedicating time to the mindfulness practises that I always promised myself I would take up and reconnecting with nature (i.e. walking aimlessly around the park). This culminated in a very brief obsession with crystals. Sold on their healing benefits by Instagram gurus and wellness blogs, I invested in a rainbow of pretty rocks with varying promised effects. However, I quickly decided I felt a bit silly using them in practise, so now they accessorise the growing pile of junk and dust on my bookshelf.

Chloe Coules

A hole in the plan After the novelty of being furloughed wore off, I realised that I really did have absolutely nothing to do now I was back living in my parents humble, but uneventful, abode. Most nights saw me scroll through TikTok, wondering when lockdown number one would end and if and when it does – will people’s only dance moves in clubs be a 15 second routine from an annoyingly catchy song on TikTok? Putting dancing to Doja Cat aside, I did find some satisfying videos on how to crochet. I immediately ordered a ‘Learn to Crochet’ kit and envisioned the beautiful designs I would embellish all of my denim with. This romanticised image fell through far too quickly. I read through the first few steps and felt like I was reading another language as I attempted to follow the instructions and very dramatically buried away the kit under a blanket, and chose to marinate in the sun for the remainder of the day. I like to keep my failed hobbies out of sight and out of mind.

Jess Downey 8

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F R E Q U E N T FA ILS

THE 2021 pin up girl DIET Shambolic:

a word not only used to describe my social life but my expanding lockdown waistline

By Eve Rowlands Having gained some unwanted baggage this last year, Regina George, you are not alone. All that fits me right now are these elasticated joggers. So, as the world slowly reopens, I’m taking now as the perfect time to Khloe Kardashian my way to skinniness with some saucy tips from the absolute worst: Instagram-influencers.

DAYBREAK

LUNCH

DRINKS

First things first. Coffee. But not your regular Joe. I’m starting my day with a Skinny Coffee. It may contain a “hotch potch” of ingredients and have zero scientific evidence behind it, but if supermodel Katie Price suggests it then why not... Despite the amount of plastic surgery she’s had, she still needs help with bloating, energy and weight loss and this, apparently, is the remedy. She lost a cheeky 3lbs in five days, #winner. She really is one of us.

I’m starving. Luckily I’ve got my carb-free keto-friendly tuna salad with celery and tomato on a bed of greens. Yum. I’m going to tuck in. Health professionals say I’ll become fatigued, lose muscle definition and possibly acquire gout … But what do they know? LA GOOP queen Gwyneth Paltrow is an advocate for this carb, guilt, and fat-free fad which is predicted to be worth £11.9 million by 2027.

To continue the Vogue trend, wine is suggested at all meals in Helen Gurley Brown’s ‘Wine and Eggs’ diet: white wine, a chablis to be exact. Essentially a broken down grape, I’m understanding it to be one of my five-a-day, and I am certain I’ll feel a definite energy buzz by the end of the day - it must be the weight-loss talking, surely.

DINNER BREAKFAST Now, a gal’s gotta eat, and although nutritionists say you should chew food blah blah blah - drinking is quicker, so I’m going to SlimFast with a shake for breakfast. Now it may induce a, uh, laxative effect, but breakfast shakes, like Flat-Tummy Shakes, will help “kick those cravings” we know (and love). Supposedly “3 x more effective than diet and exercise alone,” this shake will get me “looking good, feeling fiiine”, and resembling a Kardashian in no time.

Vogue is timeless. And what better advice to follow than its very own 1977 Body and Beauty Book’s crash diet dinner. Composed of steak grilled with black pepper, lemon juice and… oh, that seems to be it. I hope I don’t get too bulky with all this protein.

Want a healthy tip? Eat half a grapefruit before every single meal. This citrus fruit contains enzymes (apparently) that when eaten before other food, will help burn fat. this diet tip that has been around since the 1920s, so it must work, right? Who cares if you look like a toddler trying a lemon every bite?

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SAN I TY S O LU T IO N S

Why you should

DITCH THE LIST

a sic

Jes By

wn Do

and find your own ways to manage stress

o you ever try to fall asleep while anxiously running through the day’s unfinished tasks, knowing you will wake up to confront the same fearful panic the next morning? This is only intensified by the eight hours of time wasted sleeping. Eight? In actual fact you probably had five hours of restless sleep, tossing and turning in what you thought was a bed – but is in actual fact a giant pit of despair. You are not alone, fellow warriors. In fact, it is very common. A study carried out at the beginning of 2021, by VitalSmarts, found that three in five people already felt frantic as a result of agreeing to accomplish more tasks than is actually possible to complete in the time they had available. Subsequently, 50% of people were left feeling “moderately stressed” which caused a negative impact on their mental health due to nonstop to-do lists. So, is there a prescribed way of tackling organisation that works for all? I am by nature a portrait of organised mess. I have spent 22 years avoiding diaries and calendars as the sight of anything unfinished leaves me feeling out of control. Viewing Instagram posts including lists and multiple daily accomplishments from successful influencers can be rather exhausting. For example, spectating the endless achievements of 24-year-old CEO, GraceFit, the Natwest GBEA Young Entrepreneur of the Year, who is just two years my senior leaves me feeling like a bit of a lazy-bum. Sometimes you can’t help but feel like your journey isn’t as important. In a bid to take control of my own time, I purchased an overpriced leather journal for 2021. Providing me with a double page of planning for every day of the week, my new system requires a quote for the day, general tasks, each meal, drink & snack consumed, daily expenses, any exercise, extra to-do tasks. What more could I possibly write down that I have time to do in a day?! Thank goodness for the last little section that requires me to record any act of self-care. Having these impending deadlines written down certainly eased

n Liam Carlto my mind temporarily, at least now I wouldn’t forget them. However, I did and still wonder what to do with the tasks that I didn’t complete that day. Do they just get carried over every day and become mere page accessory? I also found that I lied in the expenses section as if an ulterior diary god exists that would judge me for the £12 I spent on a candle. Perhaps more concerning was the fact that I pencilled in self-care activities to do in the morning, never found the time to carry them out but would still tick it off at the end of the day. Regardless of my rocky relationship with this inanimate object… I have gained some degree of stress management.

Which strategies work best? After speaking to others who have established their own strategies and thoughts on productivity, there is a lot to be said about doing what works for YOU. Liam Carlton, 23, has just completed his penultimate year of training in Aberdeen to become an architect. Contrary to popular opinion, architects are not pro-Lego builders or wizzes on Sims build mode, they actually have to produce drawings, plans, sections and elevations

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to bring a building into reality. After four years of training, Liam has accepted the unavoidable fate of endless deadlines to sleeping in his studio and has taken to using check-lists. He likes to break down the bigger things and rationalise what is ahead of him without setting strict time restraints. If he reaches the end of a day and things aren’t complete, “I accept that things are going to take longer and leave it there,” he says. Reflecting on social media and the way others display their daily to-do lists and productivity, Liam thinks time can be better spent than showing what you plan to do in a luxurious journal. He admits to owning a weekly planner that has sat empty on his desk since his first year of training. “I think I am an organised person, but I don’t need to sit and write it out to prove to other people that I am organised,” expresses Liam. Ellie Ganson, 22, is a music teacher based in Perth and is all too familiar with the everyday chaos of secondary school teaching. Ellie uses lists and planners in both her work life and personal life. Teaching is not for the faint-hearted. If you aren’t designing seating plans for cheeky high school kids, then you are marking assessments, lesson-planning, filling out reports and trying to remember every student’s name. Keeping lists is a crucial part of Ellie’s work. If she doesn’t plan ahead then the kids won’t have work, and she won’t be good at her job, “Which I don’t like. So, I’m very strict with myself,” says Ellie. School inevitably brings a lot of structure into Ellie’s life which she is really grateful for. On a personal level she uses lists to keep her brain level during periods where she feels overwhelmed or disorganised. Ellie appreciates the level of calm that to-do lists bring her. For example, after a fun ‘teacher off-duty night out’ she lost the entirety of her purse contents and found herself building a to-do-list to make sure she got everything back and she counts this as being productive. Ellie also uses lists to get through mornings that require her to rise at the crack of dawn to complete work before seeing family or other social events. Working through her to-do list on Saturday mornings like this proves so efficient that

Lau

ren

Cam

pbel

she gets time to play Animal Crossing and chill out before socialising later. Ellie doesn’t think our success should be measured by lists and what we have achieved from them, but by the happiness that doing these things brings you. “Being productive and self-care go hand in hand,” says Ellie. Lauren Campbell is in her final year of a history degree and is a serial user of diaries and to-do lists. Growing up with anxiety resulted in her finding refuge in daily journaling. Recording herself everyday has been a staple part of her life ever since childhood. Having just bought her first flat at 24, balancing two jobs and in the process of completing her final year dissertation, this period will naturally feel very AGH. However, Lauren says keeping track of everything going on through her lists and diaries means that she isn’t moaning to others and that it is “a release without it being vocal.” Right now, she enjoys writing down affirmations and goals to keep herself in check. Despite her finding calm in this, she stresses that list-keeping is not a measure of her success. Lauren talks about times where she has felt guilty working from home or even now when she gets a day off. “When I am at home, I sometimes feel guilty for not being productive,” she says, “and that is just mental.” She is an advocate for finding productivity in just sitting back and thinking. Lauren believes productivity is also found in doing things that will make you feel good in the long-run. She shares an important reminder that we all perhaps could take with us as we emerge from lockdown: “You might not get this time to yourself again when things go back to ‘normal’,” she says, “so take this time to chill.” We all have things to do and that can make us feel like little fragile bubbles of stress, waiting to be popped by other impending tasks. Don’t waste your worries and time comparing your productivity against others. Find what works for you and truly honour any free time you get.

IMAGE CREDITS: ELLIE GANSON, LAUREN CAMPBELL AND LIAM CARLTON

When I am at home I sometimes feel guilty for not being productive and that is just mental

Ellie Ganson

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plankton The multi-media consultancy service finding ways to communicate with everyone the other marketing agencies ignore

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Contact:

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S A N I T Y S O L U T I ONS

End meeting for all

It’s time to say goodbye to your Zoom anxiety

by Tereza Novakova

That’s okay. I can get through this, as long as I don’t have to talk. But of course, you’re asked questions and have to speak. After a few seconds, someone interrupts you: “Sorry, we can’t hear you, can you turn your mic on?” There hasn’t been much for you to master over lockdown, but the mute button seems to be getting the last laugh every time. Not long later, it’s over, and you think you can relax.

“Don’t forget about the Zoom quiz tonight!” You were wrong; it’s never over, and having a quiz night every week for a year is actually not that fun.

73% of people have suffered zoom anxiety this year According to Buffalo7

Is it time to say goodbye to online work meetings? If so, how are we even going to cope? Are we ready to socialise again? We have spent so much time in comfortable clothes, with little to no make-up and without a haircut for far too long. Though we struggled with the zoom anxiety, it had one (well, maybe even a few more) benefit you were able to turn your camera off when it started to get a little bit too much. We might not be moving back to the old “normal”, but it is time to say goodbye to the never-ending video calls as we (hopefully) slowly crawl back to office life. We have all complained about our lives during the pandemic, but we learnt to care less about our looks. Now the question is: are we able to keep some of the comfort and feeling of safety we got from working at home? We love to hate and hate to love the video calls and the anxiety they cause us, but it gives us a way to stay close with our friends and families. As we are slowly allowed to socialise again, let’s say goodbye. One thing is for certain: the anxiety will not be missed.

Zoom anxiety and fatigue is becoming a struggle for many of us, prompting several studies about it. At the start of the first lockdown, we saw it as a great way to keep in touch with our friends, families and colleagues, but that quickly changed as we felt exhausted and drained after finally pressing “leave”. According to research at Stanford University, one of the primary triggers is the increase of self-evaluating. It is difficult to avoid checking what you look like every two minutes when you can see yourself the entire time. Even if we are conscious about our looks when meeting someone in person, it would slowly disappear at the back of our mind and allow us to focus on the conversation.

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IMAGE CREDIT: FREEPIK.COM

s lockdown restrictions are slowly being lifted, we are all wondering about the same thing: how many more zoom meetings do we have to go through? Click here to join a scheduled zoom meeting. Another video call to turn on - wonderful. You make sure both your microphone and camera are turned off when you’re suddenly asked to turn the camera on. Panic! This is not what you wanted, but there’s no choice. It’s time to sort out hair and put on a smile. Even though there is no proof for it, you are certain everyone is looking at your little window, secretly judging. And so, you spend the whole call looking at yourself, looking for every little thing that could be wrong with you. Little do you know, that is what the rest are doing, and they’re not actually paying you that much attention.

DOWN WITH THE PATRIArCHY Why it’s time to leave toxic masculinity behind By Matt Taylor

icture a man. Don’t think about it, just do it. Who do you see? Perhaps you see a celebrity; an Arnold Schwarzenegger or a Jean-Claude Van Damme. Maybe you see a fictional character; a Rambo, a Superman, a Captain America. Or perhaps you see someone closer to home; your dad, your brother, or your boyfriend. Maybe you see none of these – maybe all you can picture is the ripped guy from the chad meme. That’s okay too. The point is, being a man is hard because no two are the same. But looking at how men have been portrayed in films for decades now, you probably wouldn’t think that. As dating expert David Chambers notes, this is something that’s had negative effects on young men for years. “A lot of the movies I grew up with were things like James Bond, Rocky, and The Terminator,” he says. “It’s all super manly men, [who are] very masculine in a traditional big, strong, muscly, quiet, broody, stoic [way].” In only seeing a certain type of man presented on film, young men are only given one type of man to look up to – and that’s exactly how we ended up with toxic masculinity.

S A N I T Y S O L U T I ONS Toxic masculinity, if you’re somehow blissfully unaware, is basically all the bad things to come out of this way of ‘being a man’. Things like not crying, not talking about emotions, seeing sex as some kind of competition that needs to be ‘won’, seeing women as objects rather than people – you get the gist. The thing is, this toxicity is so deeply instilled into men that it’s hard to move away from, but that’s something we desperately need to do. With the tragic murder of Sarah Everard earlier this year came the beginnings of a conversation about men, masculinity, and rape culture. It’s become clear that the onus is on men, not women, to change their behaviour. But to do this, we first need to understand what that behaviour is and where it comes from. Only once we do that can we even think about moving forward.

THE MANLY MEN CAN‘ T There are a lot of things that contribute to toxic masculinity, but a big one is the idea of the alpha male – that one guy who’s better than all his peers, who brings home the meat, and gets all the women. It’s a caveman mentality that’s damaged men for decades. We’re told not to show an ounce of emotion, because emotion means weakness, and weakness will not be tolerated. For some reason, this never occurred as a bad idea to anyone until recently. David, who is currently relaunching his Authentic Dating Series brand (which includes dating and intimacy coaching for men, as well as a dating podcast) explains, “It doesn’t even occur to most men that they can talk about how they feel because the message we’ve been told is that they can’t, but then because of that, they don’t even know how they feel.” If we don’t know how we feel, we can’t talk about it, and that leads to difficulties. Caleb Webster, a 21-year-old postgraduate student living in Birmingham, feels this lack of conversation does men a lot of harm. “Weakness [is] seen as something that a man shouldn’t have,” he says. “As a result, it’s harder for people to talk about things because it means that if [a man wants to discuss an issue with his friends] he worries that either people will mock him for it, or it’ll be trivialised by people who are unable to respond to it correctly or appropriately.” Having attended a single-sex secondary school for seven years, Caleb is all too aware of the ways toxic behaviour is normalised as so-called “lad culture.” In a group of all-male teenagers, “The sorts of things people said regarding gender, race, sexuality and religion were very shocking,” he explains. He does note that none of these young men would now call themselves racist, sexist, or homophobic – but that doesn’t mean these things aren’t normalised at those younger ages, and that makes it quite hard for people to get out of them. But it doesn’t matter how hard it is: we need to get out of this toxic mindset before it’s too late. Because not only does toxic masculinity have severely negative effects on men, it also affects those around us. Where do we draw the line? Even if we don’t know where to draw the line just yet, it’s becoming

increasingly clear that a line is something we need. A survey conducted by UN Women UK found that 86% of 18-24-year-old women in the UK had been sexually harassed in public spaces. When this news broke around the same time as Sarah Everard’s disappearance was announced, people decided it was time to take action.

hOW MANY IS TOO MANY? One of these people was 22-year-old Lydia Waller, who single-handedly organised a candlelit vigil in her hometown of Harpenden. She admits that the news of Sarah’s disappearance scared her, but felt that she “couldn’t let it lie.” With Covid fears making in-person protesting a risky affair, Lydia felt a candle in the window was a safe and unobtrusive way of bringing attention to the issue of women’s safety. She explains it was not only “symbolic that we’re shining a light on this issue and bringing a light to this darkness that women and marginalised genders live in every day,” but “something that I felt we could all access, and I think that’s something this issue should be: it shouldn’t be scary.” If the issue itself isn’t scary, then what is scary is lad culture. This includes the way men are taught to focus themselves on pointless things that don’t really matter – like how many girls they’ve snogged or slept with in the last week. “That doesn’t help anybody,” Lydia says. So how do we fix it? We talk. Calling people out on their shit is one way we can make progress. “It doesn’t have to be inflammatory; you don’t need to start a big political debate,” Lydia explains. “Just small actions [that tell people] no one’s tolerating that behaviour anymore, because it isn’t good for anyone.” But men are stubborn, and a lot of us don’t like listening. So where does that leave us? In a bit of a fix, to be honest. The men that don’t like listening aren’t exactly keen to change their behaviour – especially when they have a habit of shutting down a conversation with the overly simplistic response of “not all men!” This isn’t helpful for anyone, but in some ways it’s an understandable reaction.

weakness is seen as something a man shouldn't have

Dos & Don’ts of being a male friend to women Do: - Offer to walk your female friends home after a night out - Keep them away from that creepy guy in the corner of the bar that’s been eyeing them up for hours - Ask them if you can help them feel safer Don’t: - Expect sex in return for the bare minimum effort - Be that creepy guy in the corner of the bar that’s been eyeing up someone for hours - Buy a fedora and assume you’re one of the good ones – no one needs that dude, c’mon

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David explains that #NotAllMen comes from a place of defensiveness and discomfort. “It’s not stopping, listening, and being compassionate,” he says, “it’s a reaction that pushes back against something because it’s seen as an attack.” It’s a deflectionary act that tries to push the conversation away from the individual because they don’t see themselves as part of the problem. In a lot of ways, David elaborates, #NotAllMen is pretty similar to #AllLivesMatter – and he isn’t the only one to feel this way. Caleb also feels that #NotAllMen is a way of “derailing a productive conversation,” though he does admit a lot of it isn’t necessarily done in bad faith. Most of the men spouting this stuff, he says, “are missing the point of the protests, which is why the protests need to go on … a lot of it is either insecure, slightly misguided, or ignorant men who don’t understand that it’s not about them.” The effect that this has on the wider conversation about masculinity and rape culture is to stop it completely. “It makes me feel like people aren’t listening,” Lydia says. “And this is the thing: nobody’s saying it’s all men, nobody’s ever said that; we’re just saying that it always is men … that are the perpetrators.” She isn’t wrong: when 4.9 million women in the UK have experienced sexual assault in their lifetimes, and are also more likely to know their attacker, who’s doing the attacks? Because, on the whole, it isn’t women.

step? Acting on that awareness. “Once you’re aware, you then need to know, ‘Well, what can I do?’” It’s a fair question, with more than one answer – but a common response is to actively participate in the ongoing conversation. Caleb feels “a lot of what we can do as adults is to call people out,” regardless of how serious the comments in question are. Lydia agrees, and feels that “Men need to be part of this conversation, because they’re the ones with the tools, not women. There’s only so much [women] can do because we don’t, on average, do the bad thing when it comes to this issue. We can say to [men] that they need to be part of this discussion, but it’s then down to [them] to do the work.” But solely being part of the discussion isn’t enough: we need to choose to make a difference. “If you’re in a room,” Girish asks, “are you truly present [in that space], listening to everything that’s going on? Or are you just part of the furniture?” It isn’t enough for us to just be part of the furniture, lads. We need to do better. Toxic masculinity has forced us to fail our loved ones, and that isn’t good enough. We need to stand up for the women in our lives and show them we’re willing to make a change. It won’t be easy, and it won’t happen overnight, but it needs to be done. Lydia is especially keen to help bring about change, for the sake of the future. “As women, we are scared of [harassment and assault] every day of our lives, but we are optimistic that this can change, because it has to,” she says with finality. “I’m not having daughters that have to carry rape alarms all the time – no way. We’ve got work to do.”

But men are stubborn, and a lot of us don't like listening

don‘t be a chair It’s clear that something needs to change inside the male mind – but what, and how? Mind reader Girish Tailor feels that it comes down, in part, to emotional intelligence. “The first step,” he says, “is to be aware that the conversation is not happening, or is not happening as much as it could.” The next

Damn straight we do, fellas – let’s get to it.

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The female response In solitude with women affected by gendered violence

IMAGE CREDIT: REBECCA ASTILL

By Rebecca Astill Sarah Everard’s murder has encouraged women to reflect on measures they take to stay safe, and men to consider how they can help. Sarah’s disapperance made headlines during March, and it was revealed a week later that she was murdered. She was originally reported missing after walking home from her friend’s house in Clapham and was last caught on a doorbell CCTV camera at around 9pm on March 8th. A serving Met police officer, Wayne Couzens, was charged for her murder after Sarah’s remains were found in Kent. In Britain alone, someone is reported missing every 90 seconds. So why has Sarah Everard’s case gripped the nation with such force? Well, this is a situation nearly every woman in the UK can relate to. According to a recent UN Women UK survey, 71% of women have been sexually harassed, which goes up to 86% between the ages of 18-24, reports The Guardian. Applying the 80% statistic to ONS estimations of population, nearly 20 million women in the UK have experienced some form of sexual harassment. Nia Morris, a 29-year-old theatre director from Cardiff, said she doesn’t know a single woman who hasn’t felt unsafe as a result of gendered violence. She said, “Anyone who is shocked by that figure needs to have more conversations with the women they know and think about why they might be shocked by that. “The incident brought up a lot of anger around the times I’ve experienced this. On Mother’s

Day I went to see my mum and ended up having a big cry about it in the garden. I think it surprised my brother but I’m glad he saw how upset I was about it.” Sarah Everard was a young woman, only 33-years-old, who went missing while walking home alone. Sarah did everything right. She walked on well-lit streets, in bright clothing and running trainers. She had a 15-minute call with her boyfriend on the way home. Then she seemingly vanished into thin air. On social media, women shared personal experiences and how they stay safe on the streets. One tweet said, “Like this tweet if, as a woman, you’ve walked home with your keys in your hand in case you need to use them in self-defence. If you’ve faked being on the phone as you walk past the man coming towards you. If you’ve changed your route. If you’ve started to run in fear.” One reply said, “Girls are taught to hold keys protruding outwards between our fingers.” Another Twitter user said she was taught to shout

“fire” if she was ever sexually assaulted because people would care more. Other tweets talked about avoiding gaps in hedges or entrances to alleyways, not wearing headphones, and crossing the road to avoid suspect men. None of these are things women were born doing. This is the result of every single story women have heard on the news, in stories, and from friends about sexual harassment. Women’s days end as soon as the sun goes down. If you haven’t walked your dog, or if you’ve been stuck at the desk all day and haven’t made it outside, you’ve lost your chance. What’s even more terrifying about this situation is that the man charged is a member of the very institution women look to for safety. Men also took to Twitter to ask what more they can do to make women feel safe walking alone on city streets. There is a long way to go, but the first step is education. “Get home safe” is more than a pleasantry for women, it’s a necessity. Sarah was pretty, blonde and fits the damsel in distress criteria required to become a famous case. But her notoriety goes deeper than that. The circumstance of her disappearance is one which every single woman around the UK has either experienced first-hand, or knows of friends who have. It could have been any of us.

Signs and flowers left in Bute Park following the Cardiff vigil for Sarah Everard

The Unknown

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SANITY SOLUTIONS

ubs, parties, festivals, holidays. On the day of Boris’ “roadmap out of lockdown” announcement, you didn’t have to scroll far on your phone to be met with an eruption of excitement. While many embraced the joy of soon-to-be freedom, there were plenty left feeling anxious as thoughts turned towards the unchartered territory of life after lockdown. Meanwhile, in an Anxiety UK survey, 36% stated they are happy to stay home, and another 27% had no strong preference either way, therefore revealing mixed feelings towards imminent easing of restrictions. Being locked in our houses, devoid of tangible human connection for well over a year, has shifted our sense of ‘normal’ to a point beyond what was previously natural to us. Fear of social reintegration, a lack of trust in the government, and job anxiety are just a few reasons people are feeling nervous as ‘normality’ sets to make it’s comeback. The fact is, we’re all on the brink of experiencing new and undetermined ways of working, interacting, and living. Trauma and change therapist Victoria Browne notes that post-lockdown anxiety is a normal human response to change, particularly as the idea of ‘normality’ has altered so greatly. “I think people keep using the expression ‘go back to normal’, but this is normal now,” she says. “Habits and routines are easier to adapt than we think they are, with the average implementation of a habit being around 21 to 30 days. To put it into perspective, we’ve had 12 blocks of that, so pandemic living is now normal,” She says.

The stress is real

Katie Huxtable, 22

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To put it bluntly, experts predict people are, and will be, emerging from the other side of the Covid-19 pandemic traumatised. Research by King’s College London found that a quarantine period lasting just ten days can lead to mental health issues spanning three years or more. Similarly, another study by the Society for Disaster Medicine and Public Health has indicated one in four of us could suffer from a form of post-traumatic stress disorder, otherwise known as ‘post-lockdown stress disorder’ (PLSD). Victoria agrees that lockdown has “had the potential to spark a trauma response in many people,” which stems from lack of control, and triggers feelings of fear and helplessness. “Lots of people have lost people, had financial uncertainty, and have had health concerns – all these things create the trauma response of fight, flight, freeze,” says Victoria. Worryingly, she suggests we may not even understand the pandemic’s full mental health implications for years to come. “As a trauma and change therapist, I often see people sweeping things under the carpet for years,” she says, which hints at a worrying picture for the future state of mental wellbeing in this contry.

It's been a hot minute Having been surgically attached to our sofas for the past year and in a bid to make up for lost time, there is mounting pressure to commit to social plans when we may not feel we are ready to do so. While being separated from friends and loved ones for well over a year, stepping straight back into the regular ebbs and flows of relationships can be a daunting thought. To put it simply, many of us have forgotten how to ‘do’ life. Katie Huxtable, a 22-year-old social media and marketing assistant, moved away from home at the start of the pandemic to begin her first job since graduating university. She describes lockdown as a “great excuse” to remain in her comfort zone which, as a result, has made the thought of socialising with lots of people overwhelming. While not having to commit to plans for a long period of time, Katie is already feeling the demand to meet social expectations.

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SANI TY S O LU T IO N S “It’s easy to use lockdown as an excuse for not doing things, but with all the talk about June 21st and the new normal, you expect yourself to have a full schedule booked up for the rest of 2021 when perhaps you’re not quite ready to do so,” says Katie. Additionally, having been apart and lost touch with friends during the past year, Katie is anxious about what this means for her relationships. “It’s things like booking trips and tickets that make you question which friends you are still close with,” she adds. Like Katie, 22-year-old Georgia Bulpitt feels it will take some time to get used to socialising again with the rules and restrictions being so ingrained in everything she does. Describing how she has “forgotten” life before Covid-19, she says she now sees planning and organising social events in a different light – feeling more wary than before.“The restrictions make the once normal social experience very overwhelming as we’ve been in and out of lockdown for so long,” she relates. “These cautions have just been built in my mind and it will continue to be there subconsciously whenever I do go out.” In addition to getting used to socialising again, the thought of shifting back to pre-pandemic work styles makes Katie nervous as she’s only ever experienced working life during lockdown. “I graduated from University in a lockdown, so not only am I comfortable in my routine, but I also don’t know what life after graduating without the pandemic looks like. “This definitely makes me feel anxious because it’s pretty much impossible to imagine how my full-time job, socialising, and just life outside of work fit together when I have nothing to compare it to,” she explains.

Facing re-entry anxiety With Covid-19 completely upending the way we carry out the nine-to-five grind, some fear they may never get the opportunity to experience that traditional office environment. 22-year-old Becky Haye* is in her final year of university and feels she is having to face job anxiety on top of re-entry anxiety. “It’s definitely a big worry for me that when I get a job it will be remote as I think the office atmosphere is so important for collaboration and learning from more experienced employees,” she says. “I don’t really want to go from a year of lockdown, where I’ve sat at my desk on my laptop, into a job where I have to do the exact same thing.”

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It is the fear of the unknown that is rooted in many people’s post-lockdown concerns. “People fear change because it’s the uncertainty,” Victoria explains, “if people thought they were going back to ‘normal’ they probably wouldn’t fear that because that’s a known quantity.” For this reason, lockdown has proven to be a comfort to many people, especially with research showing that nearly half of UK adults have enjoyed not feeling pressured to socialise. Maria Ivanova, a 26-year-old PhD student, describes feeling “guilty” about her conflicting feelings towards the release of restrictions, explaining that due to her anxiety, she almost doesn’t want restrictions to lift. “It’s weird – I feel guilty that I’m having this anxiety because it sounds like I want to stay in this pandemic forever,” she says. Understanding that Covid-19 has been devastating to many people, she saysthere is a part of her that doesn’t want things to change. “Coming to terms with the first change of being in lockdown and having to cope with that was hard enough, so just the idea of having to change once again is scary,” she adds. Being locked up in our homes and removed from support networks has had a particularly devastating effect on those already suffering from pre-existing mental health conditions. With society re-opening, many are being forced to confront these in an abrupt way, creating worries over what position they will be in when emerging from restrictions. For 26-year-old Max Price who struggles with social anxiety, being in lockdown has made him regress in the progress he was making with his confidence before the pandemic struck. Having suffered with his anxiety for many years, prior to lockdown, he had only just begun feeling comfortable in social situations, and started attending events with colleagues at his workplace. He explains, “Although I am happy to be coming out of lockdown, I fear I will have lost the confidence I had started with to get going to social meetups.”

Laura Satterly,21

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William Cotterill, 29

“I think people are saying yes to more than they can cope with” Another person who fears for their wellbeing after lockdown lifts is Jo Bembridge, who suffers from OCD and anorexia. Jo is a 50-year-old project manager within the civil service who had been making “momentous” progress before lockdown, getting the train into London on her own and going out for dinner with friends – things she previously could have never imagined doing. Taking her well over two years to get to that point and coming on “leaps and bounds,” lockdown put a stark end to all that, forcing her to stay in and be consumed with negative thoughts once again. Jo’s OCD, typically intrusive thoughts, leaves her in fear of what she may do in public that could lead to humiliation, causing compulsions to seek constant reassurance from family and friends, in particular her husband. “What if I go out and I’m sick and everybody sees that I’ve been sick? Or what if I go out and have a complete breakdown while I’m out and everybody sees me?” she explains. “It’s quite restricting, so the easiest thing is to avoid those situations, which is what I’ve always done.” Her constant fear has prevented her from doing many things in her life such as going to university, and the longer the pandemic continues, the more she fears she will never get better.

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“I was starting to make progress and I just feel that has all been snatched away from me now,” says Jo. “I’m worried I’m not going to be able to snap back after this time and it will affect my well-being, my job, and my relationship. “It’s been quite a period since something like going on a train, and the thought of having to push myself again is tiring,” she says. Also contributing to Jo’s anxiety is the expectations people have for life after lockdown, with growing pressure to make plans. She reveals that she does not share other people’s excitement, despite desperately wanting to, and has enjoyed the lack of expectation during the pandemic. With the buzz of re-opening comes the assumption everyone will become a ‘yes man.’ Life before lockdown has been romanticised to such a point, it seems, we’ve created high expectations for ourselves to live up to in regards to making the most of new-found freedom. People are already finding themselves filling up their diaries well in advance which can become another source of anxiety, something Victoria is increasingly concerned about. She states, “I think people are already saying yes to more than they think they can cope with because it is expected of them.” “I believe it’s going to cause a lot of overwhelm, a lot of discomfort and cause them to have to put themselves in situations they might not actually choose to be in, but feel they have to be in,” she says. Victoria’s worry as a therapist is that people will start to act according to expectations, rather than according to how they truly want to spend their time.

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SANI TY S O LU T IO N S

Adding to the complications, none of them can get the vaccine because of the potential side effects which in itself could lead to hospitalisation. “I know lots of people reporting vomiting and headaches from the vaccine which for most people would just be a minor inconvenience, but for us it’s a medical emergency,” she says. If society reopens at the position we are currently in, Sarah states her and her family face the same fatal risks that were posed when the pandemic began, therefore ensuring she remains a prisoner in her own home.

“The caring is continuous. The anxiety is continuous, it isn’t going anywhere”

Jossie Turner, 21

A never-ending nightmare

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The UK government has failed to effectively manage the pandemic, leaving public trust at an all-time low, with many unsure whether the end really is in sight. If last summer’s Eat Out to Help Out scheme and partial reopening is anything to go by, then there isn’t much hope. But for those who have spent over a year of their life shielding, the prospect of society reopening when coronavirus has not been eradicated altogether elicits a whole other level of anxiety. Sarah Spoor is a 58-year-old full-time carer for her disabled sons, aged 20 and 23, who suffer from polyglandular autoimmune syndrome type two, as well as type one diabetes, and other complex health conditions. Sarah also has polyglandular autoimmune syndrome type two, which has left her unable to leave her home for the last 14 months. Speaking of the risks, Sarah explains that if they were to leave the house and catch the virus, they would be at a high risk of dying. This is especially the case as medical staff don’t completely know how to deal with her son’s complex needs, something Sarah assists with during hospital visits.

Although her eldest son is eager to go out and see his friends, this is not a risk that can be taken as he could bring the virus back into their home. “Now I’m thinking I need to get wills for the boys because the likelihood is we’re going to catch it and die,” she says. “The caring is continuous. The anxiety is continuous. It is not going anywhere and I think a lot of disabled people will be thinking that too.” Sarah is not alone in feeling let down by the government and fearing the virus is still around. Self-employed 28-year-old Emily Lloyd-Gale struggles with the thought of trusting people after restrictions ease as normal life has become such a novelty. She doesn’t see people taking the rules as seriously as before, which could lead to another spike. Emily notes the virus will be far from history, and fears that if another lockdown was needed, people won’t comply and try to stop the spread. “My anxieties are that the virus is still a threat,” she explains. “The virus hasn’t gone, and may never fully go away, and once lockdown eases, people will still die from it.” Faced with the constant need to adapt over the last year or so, there is yet one more adjustment we as a society have to make – perhaps the biggest of them all: an adaptation to ‘normal’ life. For now, we can all forgive the mismatched socks and dodgy small talk as we emerge from the dark depths of the duvets we’ve resided in for the past year. It’s okay if you’re still finding your feet amid the chaos of ceaseless rule changes, because let’s face it, who isn’t? No one knows what lies in store next, but if it’s any consolation, we’re going to face it together.As the saying goes: all good things come to an end. And if the good things have to end, then surely the bad do too – it’s just a matter of time.

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FAKE IT 'TIL YOU BREAK IT Beauty editing apps have taken social media to a new level of toxic, but what is it doing to us and how can we fight it? By Chloe Coules

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S A N I T Y S O L U T I ONS

Instagram was once a place for posting cute photos of your dog and seeing what variety of sushi your friends had for lunch. It had its problems, sure, but as far as social media goes it was a wholesome haven of holiday pics and heavily filtered sunset shots. Then came along beauty filters. Beauty filters use artificial intelligence to automatically detect and edit facial features. They were created to expand on the selfie trend, with Snapchat launching its “Lenses” feature in 2015 and setting the path for beauty filters to take over social media. They started out as a gimmick, used to play dress up, but as demand rose they became more sinister, giving users virtual plastic surgery and weight loss in just a few simple clicks. We’re left with a desolate wasteland of perfectly posed Barbie dolls in #sponsored sweat-shop clothes when we venture onto platforms like Instagram. We smooth, stretch, and tuck our likenesses in secret, and we’re shamed for it if we’re ever caught. Nothing has exemplified this more than the recent unedited photo leak that left Khloe Kardashian crucified on the social media cross. The reality TV star’s team accidentally shared a photo of her by the pool, and it broke the internet because it showed her real body, something we’re not used to seeing much of online these days. She ended up caught between criticism from fans and bodypositivity activists for perpetuating unrealistic beauty standards and fat-shaming from trolls – even a Kardashian couldn’t put a positive spin on the situation. It’s not just celebrities that buy into extreme photo editing anymore. Popular editor FaceApp has seen 150 million downloads and counting as of July 2019,

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topping both the Android and iOS App Store download charts at different points.

The pursuit of perfection The problem is, the more we strive for physical perfection online, the further we feel from it in real life. A recent study in the International Journal of Eating Disorders found that editing photos may make you feel better about yourself in the short term by decreasing weight and shape concerns and sadness, but posting the photos increases those concerns, reinforcing urges to exercise and restrict food intake and increasing anxiety. It also found a link between support for editing photos and signs of developing eating disorders and anxiety.

We smooth, stretch, and tuck our likenesses in secret, and we're shamed for it if we're ever caught Amy, a social media user, does not edit her photos, but she experiences anxiety when posting things because she compares herself to others online who do. She has previously stopped eating or exercised without eating to lose weight in order to try and live up to the “toxic

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expectations” she sees on social media, and she is anxious about going out and taking photos as she believes she will never look as good as other people. These concerns are shared by her friendship group: “My friends who do dance won’t even leave the house without doing two hours of makeup as they are scared of seeing people.” Natalia, who stopped using some social media because of the toxic beauty standards, told us why she edits her photos. “I do use beauty filters sometimes; I think that definitely stems from insecurities I have about certain features, but then I feel quite guilty when I post them because it’s not 100% accurate,” she said. She finds she compares herself to others even though she realised their photos are also most likely edited. “When I see photos of other people, I compare a lot, even though I know theirs are probably filtered too, but that logic kind of goes out the window because you’re just inundated with all these pictures and can’t always tell what’s fake and what’s not,” she explained. Natalia is not alone in struggling to tell when photos are edited or not. A study in the International Journal of Virtual Communities and Social Networking found that people only recognised edited

SANI TY S O LU T IO N S photos online 60-65% of the time, while 12% of photos tagged under #NoFilter were in fact filtered.

Life in plastic In the fast-paced world of ever changing feeds and constant social exposure, we lose track of what the people in our lives really look like – you know, when they’re tucking into a kebab after a night out or when they’ve forgotten to shower for a week in a deadline panic. We’ve all been there. Instead, we’re tricked by their cultivated digital presences and forget about the person behind the pout, punishing ourselves for not meeting the impossible standards set by the latest editing technology. This desire to meet unrealistic standards has led to a massive increase in young people considering plastic surgery. According to a report published in the journal JAMA Facial Plastic Surgery, over half of plastic surgeons are reporting that patients are seeking procedures to look better in selfies – a trend that the article has coined “Snapchat dysmorphia,” a type of body dysmorphic disorder.

BEFORE

AFTER

So what is being done to tackle the growing threat of filters? Well, after a campaign by model and makeup-artist Sasha Pallari under #FilterDrop, the Advertising Standards Agency ruled that influencers should not use filters to advertise beauty products, and she continues to fight to get face-altering filters removed from Instagram. However, there is still a long way to go to tackle this issue. One problem is how to police filter use, when often it is hard to detect. Natalia believes celebrities and influencers should be banned from using beauty filters altogether, but she thinks that tackling the everyday filter user will be more complicated. “I would struggle to say, ‘oh yeah by the way this photo is filtered,’ because then I would feel like people would judge me badly,” she said. Until the toxic culture behind the rise of beauty filters is tackled, we won’t be able to fix the issues they present. It’s not an issue of banning apps, but a case of changing how we talk about how people look online, so that young people can feel comfortable being their authentic selves and taking off their computergenerated masks.

#FREEFROMFILTERS Join Flounder's campaign and free your social media from filters now We’re fed up with impossible beauty standards on social media, and you should be too. Research shows that filtering photos is linked with symptoms of eating disorders and anxiety, and can have a massive impact on your mental health and body confidence. That’s why Flounder is launching the #FreeFromFilters campaign, so you can join us in embracing our imperfections. Post your filter free pics online and tag our Twitter and Instagram @flounder_mag for a share. At Flounder, we aren’t fake about our failures.

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Melt down

2020

Missing an issue? MENTAL HEALTH

FLOUNDER VACCINATIONS Our collective WELL BEING anixety RE EN TERING GUIDE LINES Every fail has a tale

Wellbeing Issue

Why we’re shutting down as the world opens up

SOCIAL ISNG

HUMAN TOUCH

OUR ANXIETY STRESSED OUT ISSUE ONE

ISSUE TWO

ISSUE THREE

Millennials are mad as hell...

Single & unwilling to mingle

Our collective anxiety

Visit cardiff.journalism.co.uk/flounder for back issues and digital versions FLOUNDER

IS REMOTE WORKING The enemy? Now seems like a good time to reassess our remote lifestyle By Jack Fittes

e have all been forced to ditch the office, getting comfy in our isolated cocoons. How’s that looking? For some people that might be perfect, it’s set up just how they like it and they are in it for the long haul. But some people have to deal with their manager picking up their cocoon and hitting it like a pinata three to five times a day, maybe shout at them a bit too for good measure. If your company has said the word productivity more than happiness or wellbeing to you in the last year - there is another way?

Breaking it down

A study in the New Technology, Work and Employment journal claims keeping workers at home to avoid Covid-19 does not equate to a “healthy” workforce. The report goes on to say people work harder from home to try and get noticed by their superiors, but they may experience insomnia, distress and wavering resilience. The report also claimed that British remote workers were admitting to unhealthy eating and boredom that was leading to heavy drinking… at this point we are starting to get suspicious that they have been spying on our editorial team. So let’s assume the office in its traditional form is gone and we are all stuck in this world. What do we do to fix it? Do we really miss the office or do we just miss people? Is remote working the problem or has the transition just been badly managed

Time for a guru

We decided to seek the advice of people who chose remote working as a lifestyle choice to see if they had any words of wisdom or guidance for the lost souls of Covid-19. Robert O’Kruk has been working remotely for several years, founded the 20,000 strong Digital Nomads Forum and now works full-time, giving personal guidance to people looking to either get going online or to level-up their current remote scenario.

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According to Robert, things are changing whether people like it or not. What’s happening now is people are more aware than ever how much of their time, behaviour and work style is dictated by their employer. They have also had the biggest opportunity to take a step back and look at themselves, to see their strengths and weaknesses when it comes to work. “They might notice, oh, wow, I’m actually quite self independent,” says Robert. “All I need is my laptop, Wi Fi and internet connection,” he states. On the flip side of that, some people will realise they actually need a lot of guidance from a mentor, or management to push out their best work. You know, someone to stop you staring into the abyss of your screensaver. In terms of turning remote working for an employer into a more healthy, happy and productive process, Robert is quite blunt. He says making sure you have a clear work space in a separate area is a solid start. Try not to be surrounded by a weeks worth of clutter in a busy, core place like the kitchen. Ok, got it. But the pursuit of remote happiness, for Robert, doesn’t lie in small logistical tweaks. His theory is there are two major brackets of personalities when it comes to work.

C A R E E R TO L L S

IMAGE CREDIT: JACK FITTES

Option one is people who flick open their laptop, do the work that has been asked of them, be done by 5pm and get paid regularly. The trade off is less pay, your boss sets your routine and you have to do whatever they ask. These people cut out the middle man (your employer) and find the person requiring services directly through platforms like Upwork. Option two gives you more freedom in the specific work you are doing, control over your schedule and more money in your pocket. There are a world of options for online work, but anyone that is computer literate can work as a virtual assistant and seize the flexible life. Another great option is online English teaching, but it can require some odd working hours if you are planning to stay in the UK. The downside of self-employment is you are constantly chasing clients, pay cheques and being able to work without the manager looming over you.

“I would say that’s the beauty of teaching English online, you can bounce around from place to place and still earn an income,” he says. While bouncing around is more likely to be a week in The Lakes than

Chasing happiness

Bouncing around

THE WFH GURU ROBERT O’KRUK SAYS, “ALL I NEED IS

Curtis Haran has been a remote English teacher in both Thailand and the UK. He advises that anyone bored of the rigid 9-5 and their own four walls should strongly consider switching to online teaching.

MY LAPTOP, WI FI AND INTERNET CONNECTION”

IS POSITIVE Flexible income

an exotic Thai beach, Curtis says that controlling your own schedule should be a major pull, and makes these small trips a welcome possibility. Andrew Lentz has worked all over Asia as a freelance digital nomad and is now set up in Berlin, he has some practical advice for actually landing projects. “Stick to a niche if you can, or a few niches, in the beginning as it is easy to get overwhelmed and feel you have to apply for every work opportunity that comes up,” he says. Another top tip from Andrew is to avoid bidding for projects on an hourly rate, even if the client has set it up that way! “Just ignore it and type out your proposed rate in your cover letter,” he says. “Personalize your cover letters as much as possible, it really makes a difference - most freelancers send generic crap!”

For Brad Jameston, who works as a remote life coach from his converted van, it’s all about chasing what truly makes you happy and being brave enough to pursue it. He says he heard a quote from Jim Carey years ago that has stuck with him as his career mantra. “Listen to your intuition and go for it,” says Brad. “You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.”

TICK

NEGATIVE Lack of social interaction

Flexible hours Work from anywhere More time with family and pets

Increase of alcohol consumption Unhealthy eating Insomnia

Travel opportunities

Chasing pay cheques

Total

working for you

FLOUNDER

TICK

Which post-pandemic are you? It’s a sunny day, you...

Go for a run

Meet friends for a pint

Do you put your height in yourdating profile?

Gym addict

Sushi

Burger & chips

What are you saving up for?

House

Are you an introvert or an extravert?

What’s your takeaway order?

Yes

Stay in bed until lunch

Extrovert

Sloth

Do you have potted plants?

Travel

Yes

Hippy

Raver

IMAGE CREDIT: UNSPLASH

Adult

Introvert

You’ve replaced

You moved in with

You’ve reconnected

You’ve gone slightly

You realised that

your personality

your partner, got

with nature on all

insane without

going outside is

with extra reps

a cat and started

your daily walks

cheap shots and

overrated after

in the home

spending your pay

and have spent the

sweaty clubs, so

months of

workout, and now

cheque on

lockdown growing

the first thing you’ll

working in your

you can’t wait

home decor.

your crystal

do post-pandemic

pjs and

to show off your

Don’t worry,

collection- now

is get your rave on,

socialising

#lockdowngains on

not everyone is

that it’s over you’re

just remember your

through a screen,

June 21st. It suns

suited to the Peter

going to party like

tolerance isn’t what

and now you’re

out guns out

Pan life- enjoy

it’s 1969.

it used to be.

ready to embrace

from here.

adulthood.

your introversion.

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If you’re worried about re-emerging, you are not alone. Join us for our tea break where we’ll be getting together for some goss over a good cuppa.

The finest up-and-coming comedians in the UK will be dishing out their best one-liners to help deflect the post lockdown small talk

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12th JUNE 2021 tO REGISTER OR BOOK TICKETS PLEASE VISIT cardiffjournalism.co.uk/flounder FLOUNDER

FAI LATI ON S H IP S

Goldies from the

OLDIES

Who needs Headspace when you have years of wisdom? Our grandparents give their lived and learned advice for a post-pandemic world By Ellie Ball and Jessica Downey

Terry Ball, 81

CAREERS In the past year, under-35s have accounted for almost 80% of job losses, taking the brunt of the catastrophic impact Covid-19 has had. Whether laid off or just starting out in your career, saying that today’s job market is uncertain is the understatement of the century. According to our elders, it’s all about jumping back on your feet and simply working your way to the top. Any job is better than no job right?

Brian McCarthy, 83

“You can only do what you’re going to do to the best of your ability. If you do your best, and you feel you’ve given all you can, you’ve got to be fairly confident.”

Gloria Haynes, 74 “If you’re working, you’ve got more chance of getting another job rather than if you’re unemployed. I’ve done all sorts of things to earn money and there’s no shame in doing anything as long as you’re earning.”

“Don’t cut yourself off trying to aim too high. A more successful career can be created if you strive to be the better of the bottom rather than the bottom of the top.”

FLOUNDER

VALUES When all is said and done,

MONEY

it seems, is to simply keep

what are the things that really going and remain grounded matter in life?

through the mishaps in all

The blueprint for getting by, their glorious forms.

Isobel McCarthy, 85 “If you have anything negative in your life, get rid of it quickly. You have got to have positives in your life.” “There is no point in living and regretting everything to be honest with you. You can't do anything about it once you've gone past it, really. You know, yeah, sometimes when you're feeling down, you think, ‘Oh, we should have done this or done that’ but you can't live on regrets otherwise you'd spend your whole life regretting.” - Gloria

Making the most out of a little has never been so important as in today’s rocky financial market. While economists are warning that the worst recession in 300 years awaits us on the other

Brian Haynes, 78

side of this pandemic, it’s the young people who are likely to be the worst off. So when it comes down to saving those all important pennies, don’t overcomplicate it.

“Always save some of your money so you’ve got a bit put by to rely on cause you never know what is going to come up. People seem to spend what they haven’t got and get these great big bills and get into debt. You don’t want that pressure.”

“I think that not living within your means can cause anxiety and the best advice I can give is to only spend what you can afford to. We have advanced through life gradually and there is no doubt in my mind that our contentedness now is aided by our financial position.” - Brian M

MENTAL HEALTH One thing is certain: the mental health of young people has taken an absolute battering in the past year. Faced with job losses, financial uncertainty, and separation anxiety, just to name a few, the result has been devastating. Feelings of hopelessness have

been consistently higher among those aged 18-24 compared to the general population, with 35% reporting this in February 2021. As we look forward to the future, we are reminded that, like our grandparents, we can always bounce back from hard times.

Maralyn Elkin, 73

“Something I read a long time ago is a Japanese saying: ‘Everything passes’. So if times are hard now, they'll get better. Times have been hard in the past, and they've got better. Just work as hard as you can and eventually you'll be repaid.”

FLOUNDER

“Just look to the future and don't be scared of your own shadow. As long as you're looking after yourself and keeping yourself well, just try to make the most of everything, because let's face it, none of us know what's around the - Gloria

Relationships with our

by Tereza Novakova

How our inner voices got louder with each day of lockdown

architect, when asked about her experience with mental health and lockdown. Many of us moved from a hectic life to being home, expected to relax and focus on hobbies with few to no distractions. We were left alone with our thoughts, and quickly, the mental effects of lockdown appeared. According to The Health Foundation, many people reported feelings of stress, sleeplessness and anxiety.

A chance to slow down When the first lockdown was announced way back in March 2020, we were trying to look at the positives. Some of us got time off work or transitioned to working from home, which didn’t sound too bad at first.

We wouldn’t have to commute to work and would have more time for our families. While some of us adapted to a home office, we realised it’s not for everyone. As we hoped, it gave us more time to relax and reflect on our lives, but we forgot to be careful what we wished for, ending up with more free time than expected. “I went from having a busy schedule to sitting at home all day. It was good to get a break at first, but then I was constantly thinking that I was wasting my time,” said Barbora. She wasn’t the only one who felt the pressure of keeping herself busy. Lea Fuis, a 23-year-old barista, explained how she felt

IMAGE CREDIT: BARBORA STYCHOVA

oving yourself can be tricky. We learnt that way before the pandemic, and to everyone’s surprise, influencers preaching self-love somehow didn’t solve everyone’s mental health problems. Just like liking a post can’t solve most of the world’s problems. Then 2020 happened, and we found ourselves being our own company 24/7, without access to usual distractions such as co-workers and friends. One of our most important relationships began to crumble, and we were forced to stop ignoring our inner demons.“The sudden free time with no distractions made me think more about my past trauma and my mental health worsened with every day” said Barbora Stychova, 24-year-old garden

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FA I L AT I O N S H IPS she should be rethinking her whole life and maybe even start a small business. “Whenever I opened Instagram, I came across someone focusing on their art and starting their business. It just felt like I lacked behind,” Lea explained. Not only were we unable to regularly catch up with friends

every detail, but she decided not to apply that to the comics. It was therapeutic, like writing a diary.

Exchanging city scenery for greenery Lea found being in nature helped her enormously. She and her partner moved to his parent’s home in the countryside for the

Sam said:

Suddenly things that used to help my mental health were making it worse

FLOUNDER

HOVA

Repairing any relationship is never easy, but we tend to be extra harsh on ourselves when we don’t see results immediately. With mental health, it takes time, and small steps are vital. Rebecca, an artist in her 40s, has been dealing with body dysmorphia for much of her adult life, and she struggles to find anything to like about herself, even with regular exercise and a healthy diet. In the past year, she tried to occasionally look in the mirror for a little bit longer and say out loud one thing she liked about herself that day. It wasn’t easy for her, and she admitted she couldn’t always do it, but she tried. A more significant challenge came when she went to a hairdresser. She would usually hate staring at her reflection for that long and often cry after the appointment, but something was different this time: “I found it’s not so bad with a facemask because I actually like my eyes.” Barbora, on the other hand, realised she couldn’t simply “get through it” on her own. “I saw myself getting worse, and in a way, the lockdown gave me the needed push to go to therapy,” she said. One of the things her therapist suggested was drawing comic strips. If she felt overwhelmed or depressed, she would sit down and put it on paper. The quality wasn’t relevant, only the feeling of letting things out. Barbora would often spend hours working on her art to perfect

IT: BARBOR A STYC

Art as mindfulness

summer where she had a chance to spend days in the sun, practising her photography. “Moving from the city was incredible, especially since we lived in a shared flat before. Suddenly I was surrounded by greenery in the middle of nowhere.” She tried meditation and yoga but realised they weren’t for her. Instead, she focused on her art. We all have different ways to cope with our bad days, and we’re trying our best to find a way to build up a healthy relationship with ourselves. There isn’t a guidebook that’ll work for everyone, and just because everyone on your social media accounts is meditating on a lake in the middle of winter, it doesn’t mean you have to do the same. Whether you use games, art or crafts to be mindful, it is always about balance: you don’t want to burn yourself out. Just try to be kind to yourself every once in a while, and tell the annoying voice inside your head to shut it. Because how could he know what is best for you anyway?

IMAGE CRED

as we used to, but for most of our social interaction, we used social media. There came the traditional issue – everyone was only showing the good parts. While that makes sense, it’s easy to fall for the idea that everyone else has better lives. To make the situation even worse, some of us started losing passion for our hobbies. Things that used to make us happy were making us feel worse. Sam Taylor, who works as a carer, said his hobbies started feeling almost like chores at points. Usually, he would spend his day off playing games or watching a movie. It was, in a sense, a reward after a long week - but suddenly it was the only thing he could do in his small apartment. He started to think he didn’t deserve to game or live in such a nice place.

FAI LATI ON S H IP S What it means to have a good relationship with food

Y o F U

F o O D 36

orget finding your soulmate: one of the most important relationships you will have in your life is the one you nurture with food. It sounds corny, but it’s true, and many of us spend our lives wrestling with it. I’ve had my own rollercoaster relationship with food, Bella and Edward style; I love it so very dearly but fear it at the same time. While this relationship has improved, getting locked up indoors for a year with the only highlight of my week being a takeaway on a Friday night has put a strain on things. Apparently this is a common feeling, as the pandemic has facilitated an increase in the number of people battling with their own relationships with food. According to a survey by the RCPCH, healthcare providers have seen a spike in patients with food restriction disorders compared to last year. On top of this, Priory Group, an independent provider of behavioural care in the UK, noted a 61% increase in the number of inquiries about anorexia and a 26% increase in inquiries for binge eating disorders. The thing is, life is far too short to be worrying about how many chocolate hobnobs you stress ate last night or how many calories are in your takeaway pizza, but finding a place where you are at ease with food is not that simple. So, what does it mean to have a good relationship with food, and how do you nurture one?

should be treated as a personal one. “There has to be an ease and a feeling that food is there as a support and there to nourish you,” she said. “It’s about understanding the personal relationship you have with food, and that might look different than what you expect it to.” Being healthy around food doesn’t necessarily mean eating a ton of vegetables or complying with official nutrition recommendations, but, after years of being inundated by fad diets, NHS infographics and daily targets around food, it is no surprise our idea of ‘normal’ eating habits has been warped. “You get bombarded with information about food,” Jen said, “The diet stuff, the Instagram accounts, the dieticians, the NHS, even what your friend says at work. It all confuses your true relationship to food.” “We’re stuffed full of this information and then we start to feel really self-critical when we’re not eating the way someone else says is right,” she said. When we are young children, we have an intuitive sense of what our body needs to gain energy, but this intuition is something Jen says we have lost due to diet culture and those rules we have around food. So, how do we get it back? Well, according to Jen, we need to reconnect to our body’s needs and signals in order to understand what will best nourish us. “What my brain wants and what my body wants might be two different things,” she said. “It’s difficult to balance those things, but, actually, a good and healthy relationship with food is about balance.” It seems ‘normal’ eating habits and a good relationship with food are about tuning in to your body’s natural signals and learning how to trust them over the masses of information we have learned from outside sources. It’s about enjoyment, respect and appreciation of what a healthy body looks like for you. Listening to your body and nourishing it with what it wants is better for you than any diet, and far more enjoyable too.

“There has to be an ease and a feeling food is there as a support”

An emotional connection

The biggest thing I had to learn in order to change the way I perceived food was that my relationship with it had everything to do with my emotions, and not much to do with my actual diet. Everyone has different eating habits, but it is about how and why we choose the food we do. Jen Evans, a life coach who deals with clients with food related issues, said our relationship with food

FLOUNDER

IMAGE CREDIT: PIXABAY

by Harriet Argent

T E A R M E OUT!

THINGS I DIDN'T ACHIEVE IN LOCKDOWN Write it, cut it, burn it, forget it.

I planned...

I'm over it. FLOUNDER

a e r

Agony aunt Sport Special

Dear Agony Aunt, I’m really struggling with this yoga class I’ve taken up since group sports reopened. First of all, my favourite Gymshark leggings and top combo have been sold out, so I can’t get a fresh new look that I can Instagram. Plus, no matter how much hairspray I apply on top of my full face of makeup, the contouring is all smudged by the end of the class. Not to mention how unflattering the Downward Dog is for my voluptuous thighs.

Where are my gains? I’ve been pumping an unholy amount of iron since gyms have reopened and I’m not seeing any change. My arms look more like a bacon sarnie than Arnie.

It was supposed to be an uplifting, motivational experience for myself and all my Insta-pals, but it’s turned into an actual workout, which is a lot of effort. Please help!

I just wanted to have the biggest guns come June 21st, so I can walk around gratuitously topless to bask in the British sunshine. Is there a way to fix this?

Good morning Claire,

Dear Agony Aunt,

We, too, hate it when our cards don’t play out the way we wanted. What’s the point even doing a workout if we don’t look good while doing it, right? Wrong. One of the few advantages of yoga is that it does actually create a serene environment and generally soothing ambience, all of which can thoroughly help you enter a more mindful state of mind.

Dear Callum, Honestly, the best thing you can do is embrace your pork sandwich arms and make the most of a bad situation. Don’t forget, we live in the UK, so guns are not all that fashionable, and let me assure you, size doesn’t matter if you have the personality of a rotten fish (no Flounder pun intended). So I’d say, focus on providing some nurturing conversation instead of proudly showcasing your man nipples, which we know from the media are different from woman nipples, and you just might be okay.

That, however, is almost entirely reliant upon you actually believing in it. Do yourself a favour and leave your stresses, anxieties, and any resounding thoughts about your thighs’ voluptuousness at the door. Nobody inside that yoga room cares what you look like, and neither should you. The age-old adage of ‘fake it till you make it’ does work in some areas, but from our experience, it butters no parsnips in the realm of societal unrealistic beauty standards. We fully support you if you’re doing the workout to truly help yourself. We do not have any time for anyone who facilitates this pointless quasi-fashion show charade. Nobody likes a showoff.

Need help from our agony aunt ? Send in your burning questions via our

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