“And Another Thing…….”
By Vince Nolan
literally, royal has the highest value of stolen goods in their trolley without being caught). The Chase (see previous suggestion). Pointless (Blunt Darts). Countdown (10 seconds for the right answer or blasted into space). The Great British Bake Off (Start a fire in Pudding Lane in London and see how far it spreads). Celebrity Squares (Really boring celebs). Bullseye (Abattoir based show). The Weakest Link (Follows the previous show for sausage based fun). That ought to do it, literally.
You will forgive me my Chums as I have touched on this subject before but I am literally fed up with people saying literally in every single sentence they utter. This goes right across the media, business and amongst friends. Let’s go back to school. Literally does not mean I was literally going to Tesco and I literally went to the car and I literally opened the door. Please stop and stop now. I admit I am a man of a certain age who has never seen and will never see the “celebrity factories” which are The Jungle, Big Brother, Love Island, Strictly, The X Factor, Britain’s Got Talent, Geordie Shore, Made in Chelsea et al which have spawned this new vernacular but please, literally no more.
Staying with games, the term ''Smart Alec'' apparently came from the exploits of Alec Hoag, a celebrated New York con man from the 1840s. He and his wife Melinda and an accomplice known as French Jack, operated a con called the Panel Game, a method by which prostitutes and their pimps robbed customers. Not sure how you become celebrated as a con man but enough about President Trump.
I realised that my friend’s five-year-old grandson had been watching too many reality TV shows the day we attended a relative's wedding. As the four bridesmaids walked down the aisle toward the front of the church, he turned to me and said: "Is this where the groom decides which one he wants to marry?"
I am not a Royalist but the alternative system is far worse (see above paragraph). However, I must confess to having huge sympathy with The Duke and Duchess of Suffolk. Harry was only 12 years old when he watched his Mother hounded into an early and violent death by an aggressive and out of control paparazzi. He was then made to walk through the streets of London behind her coffin, filmed by the same people. Fast-forward to when he voluntarily spent 10 years in the Army which involved front-line action on two tours of Afghanistan. History has given us wastrel, alcoholic and womanising princes, Nazi sympathisers, despotic kings and queens and short memories. I for one am glad they have said enough. Good luck to them.
Staying with “Celebs” I have some reality TV show ideas of my own: Celebrity Join the Dots (Celebs have to draw an identifiable picture on a leopard in London Zoo without being maimed). Celebrity Supermarket Theft (The winner is the celeb who
I do not do man-flu (ask the Current Mrs Nolan) nor do I believe that it exists, but I have been laid pretty low recently with a chest infection which was not treated for many weeks as I was unable to convince my GP that I was at death’s door. Finally, I presented myself at the surgery dressed in a shroud, carrying a wreath and had booked the crematorium, (I had cleverly asked him to do the
52 52
FEBRUARY 2020 - PART 1 page 52
Monday, 27 January 2020 14:19 Magenta Yellow Cyan Black
