Thirty-two anniversaries…and counting

Thirty-two anniversaries... and counting by Wyn Evans

I’m writing these lines on the day The Boss and I celebrate our thirty-second wedding anniversary. In fact, we never quite know whether to focus our celebrations on our wedding anniversary (23rd August) or the anniversary of how long we have been together as a couple (which was some twenty months before our wedding). Either way - thirty two years or thirty three and a half - it’s a tidy sum and worthy of celebration. The trouble is, it’s one of those ‘in-between’ anniversaries isn’t it? We consulted Wikipedia to see what we could glean.

We learned that ‘the names of some anniversaries provide guidance for appropriate or traditional gifts for the spouses to give each other; if there is a party these can be brought by the guests or influence the theme or decoration. These gifts vary in different countries, but some years have well-established connections now common to most nations: 5th Wood, 10th Tin, 15th Crystal, 20th China, 25th Silver, 30th Pearl, 35th Jade, 40th Ruby, 45th Sapphire, 50th Gold, 60th Diamond, and 70th Platinum’. It seems that ‘the modern tradition may have originated in Medieval Germany where, if a married couple lived to celebrate the 25th anniversary of their wedding, the wife was presented by her friends and neighbours with a silver wreath to congratulate them [on their] good fortune’.

It seems that the origins of the current gift conventions date to 1937. The original lists that were drawn up in the 1920s linked themes to the most recognised anniversary years. The first ten years of marriage were picked out for recognition followed by every fifth marital year; thus only the 1st-10th, 15th, 20th, 25th, 50th, and 75th anniversaries had an associated gift. What happened in 1937 I hear you ask? Well, as far as I can tell, shopping and marketing happened. The American National Retail Jeweller Association introduced a more comprehensive list for wedding anniversary themes, and this is the one that is commonly followed today. Apparently, ‘each of the themes has been chosen for a special reason and represents the various stages that you pass through in your marriage’.

So, just as much of the Christmas celebration has slipped away from its religious roots and become a shopping festival, so the ‘traditions’ surrounding the celebration of wedding anniversaries are strongly

influenced by commerce. As one of the websites referred to in the footnotes puts it: ‘when it comes to the best anniversary gifts for her, your special lady wife, you can use the list for inspiration’. Gee whiz, ya don’t say?!

The Boss and I then spent some time looking at what such lists recommend. According to the modern list of anniversary themes compiled by the librarians at Chicago Public Library in 2000. There are gift suggestions for every year, right up to the fiftieth anniversary, after which it becomes a little more spread out. They assure us that ‘there should be no problem finding a gift that matches the relevant theme, should you decide to follow the modern list of anniversary gifts’. For a thirty-second anniversary, the theme is ‘conveyances’. The Boss’s eyes lit up: “it means you have to buy me a second home; one of our solicitor friends can see to the conveyancing!”.

I was quick to put her right. “It says here”, I said, quoting the list, “that conveyances in this context means ‘modes of transport’ not buying another house. Besides, there are whole villages in west Wales, like Cwm-yr-Eglwys, where all bar one of the village properties are owned as second homes by outsiders. The resident locals cannot afford to bid for the properties when they come on the market. Either richer townies move in which usually means local young families moving away and Welsh-speaking communities being destroyed, or the properties are kept vacant as holiday lets for large parts of the year. Nobody needs a second home”, I concluded dogmatically.

We turned back to the suggestions on the lists. Time for my eyes to light up! “It says here you could get me a Ferrari love.” The Boss snorted her disapproval: “In your dreams! Or rather, on your bike! Is that conveyance-based enough for you?!” The website notes that ‘conveyances’ does have a symbolic meaning. “The happily married pair have journeyed together on life’s path for 32 years. They have travelled across every type of surface from the rough to the smooth and have experienced the same joyful sights and the same frustrating delays. A gift that is connected to this traditional theme reminds the pair to look towards the journey that they have still to make together and the road that they are still to travel.” I don’t know about you but that sounds to me more like something a sales and marketing focus group would come out with than an inspiration for an anniversary message or gift.

There were a few suggestions however: a hot air balloon ride with a delicious champagne breakfast included; a sightseeing trip on a steam train, maybe with a romantic meal thrown in; a short helicopter buzz flight; a segway tour in their local area or a day at the roller or ice rink. We ruled these out. The Boss is bad with heights and is allergic to alcohol; the words ‘romantic meal’ and ‘steam train’ should never appear in the same sentence; a segway tour requires balance that neither The Boss (Multiple Sclerosis) nor I (Parkinson’s) possess.

In the end, rather than give up hope, we settled upon a nice meal out with our daughter, The Girl, at her favourite Chinese restaurant, in Canton; some flowers; and a quiet night in with slippers and a good book each. After thirty-two years we’ve maybe become set in a comfortable furrow but it suits us and we don’t need to invent reasons to enjoy our life as a family. And, well, there’s always next year!