Three flat pheasant, dead deer, departed dolphin byVince Nolan As titles go, you have to agree it’s a bit of a belter. No, not a lunch menu in a fancy fusion restaurant either. The Current Mrs Nolan and I were once again undertaking missionary work in Devon which at any given time is teeming with wildlife but on this particular weekend it was teeming with death. We have never witnessed so much road kill (apart from the dolphin) which was washed up on the beach at Westward Ho. All very sad to see. I think the increased roadkill is down to a certain arrogance which some of our creatures seem to have developed post-Covid and avian flu epidemics. By way of example check out the above picture what I took recently. This is a hotel in Tewkesbury. The stuffed Eagle Owl is there to frighten away the pigeons in order to prevent them making a mess down the building. This pigeon did not appear to have received the memo. Alternatively he may have misinterpreted what a bird of “pray” was, it being a Sunday. Which reminds me, we went on a sponsored camping trip run by a charity to “Save the Dolphin.” It was a waste of time for all in tents and porpoises. I don’t know about you but our computer spellchecker annoys me on so many levels. In the first instance it is American so cannot speak English as good as what we does. In the second, it insists it is right with occasionally embarrassing outcomes for my email recipients. Funnily enough, I used to work as a spellchecker but they fried me for no raisin. Anyway, I was just reading that the bloke who invented it has died. Restoration in peace or may he restaurant in peanut I always say. So a spellchecker walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he would like to drink: “I’ll have a bear, bare, bra, boar, oh forget it.” He slumps into his seat defeated and deflated. The bartender says: “Hey, hey, hey, why the log fence.” Saw this the other day. An interesting optical 10 CARDIFF TIMES
illusion or trompe l’oeile as the French would say. Spell check that! Just been reading about Welsh Governments’ new source of funding: The Woodland Investment Grant or TWIG which I think is rather neat. I have written before about the overuse of the word actually in everything we hear, read and watch these days. I am heartily fed up of this meaningless word being inserted at every opportunity whilst the numpty who has delivered it is busy thinking up the next word to add to their now meaningless sentence. I have therefore adopted the word Alsatian (other words are available) which I now substitute every time I hear somebody say actually. It works every time Alsatian and mightily pees them off. Their usual reaction is “that doesn’t make sense.” My response, “Exactly, Alsatian.” I formed a small queue with another lost soul at the supermarket pharmacy counter the other day, (I know, living the dream), when an older lady said to me: “We don’t usually queue this way.” I said: “We do today Alsatian.” I took her “usually” to mean she was a regular which goes some way to explain why I’ve been unable to see a doctor for three years and forgotten the art of queuing. And another thing, queue sounds like “q” followed by 4
