What dementia taught me As a nurse, it was easy to assume that I’d know exactly what to do should one of my loved ones be diagnosed with dementia. However, while I had a lot of knowledge of the practical realities of dementia, the emotional reality is something you can never predict. ‘My mother, Josie, was diagnosed with vascular dementia aged 69. My husband and I noticed that she started to repeat herself during our conversations, and suggested she go for an assessment. As it happens, my mum had had the same idea; she had already made an appointment.
‘My mum moved into an apartment at Belong and made the most of the fantastic home care service, Belong at Home. She also went along to the Experience Days, which are activity days for people with dementia to help them get involved and interact with others in a similar situation to their own.
‘Even though we’d had our suspicions, the diagnosis was still hard to hear. In a way it didn’t really bother my mum, because she quickly forgot about it and carried on. But I couldn’t do that. Finding out that a loved one is ill is never easy, but that’s only the beginning. You don’t think about all of the things that come with it.
‘I honestly couldn’t recommend them enough. Even with a big network of friends and family, dementia can be incredibly isolating, but my mum was able to make new friends who understood her situation and get back some of her independence. It was also an opportunity for me to take some time for myself, which was something I often neglected.
‘It was hard, but I eventually learned to accept help when I needed it. For a long time I felt I was the only person who could look after my mum, but it became overwhelming, especially as her condition worsened. I’d advise anybody in this position to get in touch with your local services, and remember that support is there for you, as well as your loved one. ‘About three years after her diagnosis, living independently, or even semi-independently, was no longer an option. It was devastating for my mum to leave the family home, which made it a traumatic experience for us all, but I knew moving into some kind of sheltered accommodation was the best option. My research led me to Belong Warrington.
‘Looking back, I can see that it has been a learning curve, even after working as a nurse for many years. If I’d known how brilliant the staff at Belong would be, especially during mum’s transition into a full-time care household, where she currently lives, both of our lives would have been much less stressful. ‘While it can be hard for somebody living with dementia to move into a new home, remember that you’re doing it for their wellbeing. ‘I’d also recommend looking around your local area to find activities that they can get involved in and accept the help that’s out there – for your loved one and yourself.’
With thanks to Gill Byrne and Belong Warrington.
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www.carechoices.co.uk/dementia
