ALTER by Carina Allen

alter for the love of fashion

contri writing alexa barrett sahalie martin rraine hanson kenzy peach luna slater ellen rothfuss mariah freire willie burnley jr. photography addis fouche-channer nydia hartono adrianna tan

butors special thanks andi keyes makayla mcrae mikayla bishop carly miller jessica gomes lisa diercks freepik from flaticon.com editor-in-chief, designer, writer, photographer carina allen

table of contents 4

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6 letter from the editor 8 the power of personal style 16 a conversation with makayla mcrae 20 squad style 30 a conversation with andi keyes

36 in my own skin 40 instant inspiration 42 a queen in her element 54 on fashion and aesthetics

letter from the editor

Thanks to everyone who has made this project possible and to everyone who takes the time to read it. It means the world to me.

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what do i love about fashion? fashion presents a world of opportunity for those daring enough to enter it. fashion can help those struggling with their identity, self-image, or overall confidence. in today’s hyper-attentive world full of social media presences, millennials are often criticized for caring “too much” about our appearances. to that i say, no, you are wrong. fashion is a form of expression that can be accessed by almost anyone. of course, there are limitations to what is truly acessible to all people, and this is something that also resonates with me deeply. although i am not yet “in” the fashion industry, i feel our world is on the path to a revolution, both socially, politically, and artistically. radical fashion is on its way, but before we can see fashion as an agent for change, we must step back and think about why we really love clothes so damn much. and with that, i give you:

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the power of personal style

how what you flaunt on the outside can alter how you feel on the inside

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THE POWER OF PERSONAL STYLE

i’m still chipping away at “ myself to see what’s underneath and fashion has been a big part of that.

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sahalie, 21 For a lot of my young adult life I really rejected femininity. I think I was embodying a lot of toxic ideas about weakness and frivolity associated with teenage girls. I wore a lot of boy’s clothes and t-shirts when I was younger that hid my figure, which I developed really early and was ashamed of. Then came a lot of very tight clothing in high school that reflected my desperate attempt to look as skinny as possible. It took a lot of Audrey Lorde and self-love to get me to the point where I feel like I can present my authentic self to the world, and I think that’s really been reflected in my clothing choices over the years. I’ve started to wear clothes not because I think they will make other people think a certain thing about me, but more because I feel comfortable in them. I feel like I’m still chipping away at myself to see what’s underneath and fashion has been a big part of that.

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ellen, 21 To me, personal style is wearing what makes you feel comfortable in a way that brings out the best parts of your personality. The combination of comfort and personality is especially important to me because when I don’t have to think about what I’m wearing all day, but still feel like it is uniquely my style, that’s when I truly feel like my whole self and I perform best in all areas of my life.

style “is personal wearing what makes you feel comfortable in a way that brings out the best parts of your personality.

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kenzy, 20 The most killer birthday spot in my town is called Olivia’s Tea House. The kitschy venue, decked out with racks and racks of beautiful dresses, a makeup station, and a glamorous tea table, hosted a handful of my childhood birthday parties. I loved it there as a kid. I loved dressing up, and looking glamorous and unique and important: exactly how I felt inside. That feeling of validation through fashion stuck with me for a long time. It stuck with me through puberty, a time when I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin that it was hard to cling

THE POWER OF PERSONAL STYLE

to anything else. Instead of identifying with my frizzy hair and disproportionate body, I identified with goofy pants, or cool dresses, or striped shirts. Of course, looking back, my outfits were pretty horrendous, but I have a deep-seated sense of pride in my young self for being unafraid to explore what made me feel good.

fashion feel like a sport- scoring something that looked good was the best feeling in the world. And it’s been that way since. At first dressing for my body felt like a curse, but nowadays it feels like more of a blessing. I never know how clothes will look on me- sometimes they’ll

first dressing for my body felt like a curse, “butatnowadays it feels like more of a blessing. ” Nowadays, it’s less zebra-print and more stripes, but regardless of how my style shifts, I still try to feed that sense of exploration. It’s sort of a cathartic process. It’s really tough to decide how other people perceive you; you can be kind and true to yourself and still not get the right message across. Fashion, to me, is a way of representing myself outwardly in a way I can control. And more importantly, a way that makes me feel honest and self-aware. Still, I can’t talk about this journey without mentioning physical self-acceptance. I’ve always been curvy, and though I love it now, before my fat settled in post-pubescent places, it made me feel like a potato or paper bag or anything other than a girl. With adolescent insecurity constantly looming, I turned to clothing. I had no choice but to work harder to look good. I couldn’t just throw on a t-shirt and jeans and still feel beautiful. But that made me more invested in my clothes from the start, and made

make me look like a 1800’s prairie woman, but sometimes, they’ll look so damn fire in a way that only I can rock. Not to mention, this lifelong scavenger hunt for perfect outfits has forced me to cultivate a style, and to sharpen my eye for pieces I love. I ultimately end up finding unique outfits that I’m utterly obsessed with. My style is completely separate from trends, because growing up, trends didn’t always look good on me. Though it was rocky, the accidental relationship between me and clothes is something I now find endless joy in. It’s made me realize that no one has a perfect canvas, and that outward appearance only matters in the ways that it can tell us about ourselves and each other. There’s no wrong way to dress, no wrong way to love yourself, and no wrong way to look. There’s only delving deeper into self-exploration and self love.

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i want to look “ weird, stand out, and eat chocolate until i feel sick. alexa, 20

For years I regarded shopping in-store with dread; the “no” piles grew ever larger as my brave attempts at tight, cropped shirts and (barely) mini skirts proved insulting, damning, heartbreaking time and time and time again. It hurt twofold: I barely understood how I wanted to look, and the pieces I liked didn’t like me back.

How many times have I plopped down on a stool in a Lord and Taylor dressing room and pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes, crying silently, so as not to tip off my mother? How many times has she watched hope fade out of my eyes in the mirror’s reflection as another pair of pants fails to stretch over my calves?

Today, you’d be hardpressed to find me in a shirt that doesn’t feature some sliver-to-chuck of my belly. Months of staring at Nylon covers on Instagram, adding hundreds of dollars worth of vintage midi sweaters to my Etsy cart without ever clicking “purchase,” and lots of delicious cups of hot cocoa and whipped cream that

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I’ve refused to part have revealed some shrouded priorities in my heart. I want to look weird, stand out, and eat chocolate until I feel sick. Why shouldn’t these equally important facets of my identity mesh coherently, or even work in tandem? Nowadays, I beam when I am complimented on the cat bucket hat that accentuates my worry linestreaked forehead and when I examine my squishy stomach curling over the waistline of my favorite mom jeans in the mirror. I’m working towards total self adoration, whatever that looks like, and I’m doing so in geometric harem pants with Hershey kisses in the pockets. I am a process, but one I’m growing to love.

THE POWER OF PERSONAL STYLE

“myareclothes me, my fashion is me!

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luna, 20 I used to be a size 16. I am now a size 10, but at first I thought I’d always have to wear clothes that resembled potato sacks. Then, I discovered dresses. As a child, I thought I could only wear jeans because I was such a tomboy, but as I got older I started falling in love with femininity. Eyeliner wings and lipstick. Being fat and fashionable was so incredibly important. I wanted to be pretty. I also enjoyed showing how “alternative” I was originally in middle school with atrocious tripp pants and other hot topic things. In high school, I started wearing cute babydoll dresses with flowers and polka dots, overall dresses over striped shirts covered in buttons. I fell in love with platform shoes even though I already stand tall at 5’9”. My fashion was the only way I was

able to develop confidence in a body I used to be ashamed of. I began wearing crop tops with high waisted skirts and rolled tights with platform goth boots. I bleached my hair to gray and lavender tones. Fashion showed everyone who I was and what I liked before even speaking. Fashion helped me meet all of my high school friends, because they liked the same fashion I did. I made myself this way. Thrift stores became my favorite places on the planet. That mixed with beautiful makeup and bleaching my hair and then toning it made me who I am today. I have lost about 50lbs since then, but I will never forget how fashion made me embrace my body. I’ve always had a small waist and thick thighs and wide hips. I still do, just a bit smaller. I still wear similar things,

dresses and knee high or thigh high socks. Now I can even wear pants again without being ashamed. My tattoos are also a huge part of how I represent myself. I have twelve tattoos and they’re all black ink except one with minor color. They’re all on my arms and hands besides one thigh tattoo, and I love the way they look with my clothes. They make the pink and sweet outfits look darker and more “punk” or whatever, and then they make the black and grey outfits even better. I look like all the “cool girls” I aspired to be in middle school. I finally feel like me. Days where I have to dress “boring” are always dreaded for me. My clothes are me, my fashion is me!

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rraine, 20 I still remember walking into that party in 10th grade wearing a floral romper and light brown oxfords and being surprisingly welcomed with compliments. This was back home in Jamaica in 2011, where American fashion trends take a while to reach, so the “compliments” were more in the form of “Wow, I’ve never seen shoes like that before!” and “Where did you get that dress? Is it a dress?” but still... it was positive feedback in my eyes, considering it was my first time wearing an outfit that was outside of the norm set by my peers. This is the moment I feel that began my true rapport with fashion. Before then, I never had the confidence to dare beyond the Abercrombie & Fitch T-Shirts my friends all wore; I never had the confidence to do anything but try to fit in. Tumblr, and the internet on a whole, became my gateway to styles around the world. I didn’t know what my style was yet but I began molding it after that night with every purchase I made, whether it was Urban Outfitters or-more commonly recently--some thrift store, and I became increasingly experimental with my choices. Since then, moving to places with actual seasons and environments where I was more exploratory

one thing “thatit’shasthegiven me a

with my sexuality has also shaped my current style a lot. I’d like to think I’ve reached a comfortable plateau in my fashion sense now: I know what I like when I see it and I’m not afraid to wear it.

modicum of confidence — a confidence that i desperately needed.

What I’m really getting at here is that my style has become the one aspect of my identity that I’ve been able to shape and present of my own accord and that I don’t spend hours critiquing myself about. If I’m being honest, it’s the one thing that has given me a modicum of confidence -- a confidence that I desperately needed and am hoping to develop on.

I want to say though that my style is only one small aspect of me, as it is for everyone. Fashion helps us gauge the people around us but it should always be just introductory. So I hope when people see me, they want to say more than just hello.

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a conversation with

MAKAYLA MCRAE

the 17 year old model, writer, artist, and online student talks about daily expression, modeling & fashion as art, and her new website

INTERVIEW BY CARINA ALLEN PHOTOGRAPHY BY CARINA ALLEN / ART BY MAKAYLA MCRAE

CA: How do you see fashion as a part of your daily life? MM: Well, when I wake up in the morning I decide what I am going to do that day, and what I want to portray that day. So if I’m going out with my friends for coffee, I’m dressing like a coffee shop writer. It’s me expressing myself and being an actor in a way. I don’t know how else to describe it, it’s kind of just an expression of myself, another form of art. Because I look at everything in life as an expression or form of art. CA: How has fashion helped you shaped your identity over time? MM: When I first started getting into caring how I dressed, I noticed that I was a lot more fluid. I started to notice all these different aspects of myself that I didn’t before. When I was feeling more masculine qualities of myself, I got to express that with my clothes, and come to peace with those different aspects that I wouldn’t normally have been able to if I didn’t have the clothes for them. With feminine clothing it’s the same thing, it allows me to come to peace with the feminine aspects of myself. So fashion kinda just brought me the awareness of all the different parts of myself and how I can express those to the world in different ways. CA: Do you think there’s a difference between fashion as art and fashion just for daily use, or do you think that fashion is always art? MM: I feel like there are definitely the people who just dress for everyday, and they’ll see a magazine and think, ‘I want to look like that,’ but then there are people who really just use it as art. You know, there are some days when I really don’t feel like getting dressed up at all, like if I’m just lazy I’m wearing sweatpants, but even then I sort of feel like I’m just

expressing that. In my head, I’m in an indie movie or something. So for me, most of the time, it’s an expression no matter what. But originally with modeling and what not, I wasn’t wearing what I wanted to be wearing. I had no clue how easy it is in Boston to get started, so I was like, ‘Oh I’m just gonna wear the mainstream, I’m going to wear what’s going to be accepted’ but now I’m getting way more comfortable wearing what I actually want to be wearing to these shoots and stuff.

CA: Can you tell us about your art specifically? MM: I’ve been writing since I’ve been a kid. I’ve been writing stories and books, so I’ve always had writing at the basis of me. I like to draw a lot, paint a lot. Film, photography, modeling, I’m basically anything that I can get my hands on creatively. I’m just very artistic in every sense of the word, I guess. I’ll just have ideas, and sometimes I don’t know how to describe them with writing, so then I jump to photography. It depends. And

“art does that to everyone, it makes every MM: Yeah, exactly. I tried it, and then I started realizing how commercial Boston is, and that’s when I started being more picky with what I say yes to. I don’t want to feel drained after a shoot. A lot of times after shooting I felt disappointed in myself, like, this isn’t what I wanted to express at all. But it’s good when you get to chose the concept and work on a idea with someone, that’s always more fun.

then sometimes I’ll just see something that looks cool and I’ll want a picture of it. I like to make myself art too, with fashion and modeling. CA: When you’re modeling, since you have what some might consider to be such little control over what the final image looks like, do you see that as you making art or do you feel like you’re just part of the picture? MM: A little bit of both. It depends what the concept of the shoot is. I’ve had shoots before where I didn’t feel creative at all, I felt like I was just posing and it wasn’t feeding anything. But with certain photographers, we’ll come up with a concept and build off that, so it feels like there’s a storyline, and that feels more like art to me. Then I feel like I’m creating something.

CA: I feel the same way. I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve done enough shoots where I’ve felt so disconnected from what their concept is, and I’m just there thinking…’What are we doing?’ MM: Yeah, I’m a very “yes” person, I want to try everything, so I’ve regretting a lot of the shoots I’ve done. CA: That’s definitely how I was when I was 18, a freshman in college. I was like, ‘Ok, I’m gonna throw myself into this, I’m going to do modeling,’ and I definitely did so many shoots where I look back thinking, ‘What the hell? Why did I spend my time doing this?’ But, if you’re into it, you have to get started somehow so a lot of it is having that “yes” mentality of ‘Sure, I’ll try that.’

CA: So with that, do you want to pursue modeling to a point where you feel you would have more creative control? Do you think as you gain more traction you might have to let go of how much say you have in the shoots you’re doing, or do you think as you grow you might have more opportunities to pick from? MM: Maybe if I went to NY or something…because if you go to a bigger city, you are going to have more creative people around in general. And once you get exposure to a certain kind of world out there, you meet more people. So if you do an ad for a certain company, and it’s a creative project that you’re enjoying, that will sort of attract more projects and jobs that are in the same vein. So yeah, I think I’d always be okay doing a few projects that I’m not sure about, because one, it’s experience, and two, you’re making money, so it’s alright. But generally, yeah, even for the money, I don’t want to constantly drain myself for a pretty picture. CA: Where do you find inspiration for your art? MM: Everyday life. If I’m going through any situations with people, that will inspire me. A lot of times, other musicians and artists inspire me. I love watching interviews with musicians. I don’t know why. I could watch them for hours, even musicians I don’t care about, I just love hearing

one look closer and think twice about life.” them talk about it. I pull inspiration from everything, basically.

CA: How do you think art and fashion can be put into use, socially and politically, if you think that’s possible? MM: I think it’s possible. I think that you can express anything artistically, like I said, so if you have something you want to say you can make a statement with it, politically or socially. That’s the thing about being an artist, you can take information and process it a whole different way than normal people can. Then you can put that into a picture, into an editorial, into a drawing, and you can create a whole new concept out of it that allows people to understand your point of view on whatever it is. CA: How do you think we as artists can gain enough traction to our work so that the people seeing it aren’t always just the same like-minded people that are already in our own social circles? MM: I definitely think that the like-minded people are going to be the first people to jump in and share your work and applaud it, but I think that with social media, everyone is much more open minded now, and I think that also means that people are persuaded more easily. I think if people see something intriguing about a piece of art, they will stop and think twice about it. Art does that to everyone, it makes everyone look closer and think twice about life. CA: I’d love for you to tell me more about your website (transcendingon. com). What the idea behind it was, what your goals are for having it grow are, etc. MM: I started Transcending because I wanted to have a creative project where people could be individuals, express themselves, focus

on the happiness in life, bring artists together, that sort of thing. I wanted a place where people could celebrate their art and encourage it. Because at one point, I felt like my art did not matter whatsoever. I couldn’t draw realistically like my friends, I didn’t really have any special talents, and people never applauded my art, so I just felt like it was useless. I wanted to make a site where everyone can get together and feel like their art matters and encourage that creative process. I put my art up

there of course because I want to get my work out there, but it’s not just about my art, and it’s not just about publicity, I genuinely want it to be a community. If I can figure out how to add comments to the site I will. I really just want people to get together and communicate. I feel like there’s a lot of that in the music world there’s a lot of applauding each other’s work and getting together and communicating, but there’s not a lot of that in the art world. There’s not a lot of encouragement, and I want to change that.

squad style does style run in social cirlces? four photographers gather their crew to capture them in their finest.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY ADDIS FOUCHE-CHANNER, NYDIA HARTONO, ADRIANNA TAN and CARINA ALLEN

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SQUAD STYLE

hana maddy brandi alyssa sasha addis

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artie michael claudia alejandro kaili naomi nydia ari amy 25

lily anne maja sheree shreya galen

ryanna carina julian jess mikayla carly matt

ANDI KEYES

a conversation with

andi keyes the 22 year old trans-woman talks about discovering fashion, toxic masculinity, and trendsetting in the facebook age

INTERVIEW BY CARINA ALLEN PHOTOGRAPHY BY CARINA ALLEN / COURTESY OF ANDI KEYES

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CA: How would you describe your own personal style? AK: Well I feel like it’s been shifting lately, I feel like I didn’t really have a personal style for a while so I’m kind of still forming it, but where it’s at right now, I like loose and flowy garments, and I love floral. I like a warm palette. I think I almost need to wear “basic” clothing first before I grow out of it, so maybe my style is a little basic right now, to be honest...I mean, I have a lot of cardigans. I think it’s a little bit of prep meets something more bohemian, or at least that’s my goal. Delilah (my girlfriend) has really helped inform my ideas on fashion, she’s not afraid to tell me that a garment’s too basic or looks like her mom would wear it or something, which happens all the time. I think I also sometimes dress slightly androgynously. Like when I wear these overalls I sometimes get read as male, or even just as non-binary. I’m still kinda figuring it out. CA: How has your style shifted over time? AK: Since I only discovered very recently that I identify as a woman, for a long time clothing didn’t really mean all that much to me. I’d kind of only express myself with whatever color graphic tee I was wearing. I had a few nice collared shirts, but that was kind of the extent of it. I thought of clothing as function, but now I think of clothing as being very tied to how I see myself and how I want others to see me. How I want others to see me is really the bigger one, because I really do want to be seen as the gender I identify with. So with that, I’ve discovered, yes, I am a woman, I want to present myself as a woman, but now going through hormones is kind of like having a second puberty, and with that I’m going through the same

“what kind of woman do i want to be? fashion is a way to explore that.

phases that you go through in puberty. “What kind of woman do I want to be?” is really the question I’ve been asking myself recently, and fashion is a way to explore that. CA: How do you feel fashion and personal style has helped shape your identity either negatively or positively? AK: I’ll start negatively first. When I saw myself as a man, and only accepted myself as a man, fashion didn’t really mean much to me because in a way I felt like it was kind of a trap. I think back to middle school and high school, and I lived in the suburbs, so pretty much the only fashion I knew about was Abercrombie and Hollister, and I would ask my mom to take me like, “Please, I just need to fit in!” So I got two or three pieces from there and it never really felt right but, you know, I was trying to reach this ideal. Then later, it was graphic tees, and band tees, and element shirts. I didn’t even skate much but I would try to cop that sort of aesthetic. So it was all me trying to fit this image that I didn’t necessarily identify with but I felt the need to. But then, come more recently, I think in college I did start to develop a more personal style even

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when I presented as a man. But then when I identified as a woman, fashion was like, “Wow, I can really tell people how I identify.” I think the really important and positive aspect of dressing how I want is being seen by other women as a woman, which means a lot to me. Or being seen by other non-binary folk and femmes as femme. That’s so important. I’ve formed a lot of new relationships based off of that choice, and that openness with my identity. I’ve been going to this woman filmmaking group in Boston called Film Fatales, and it’s great. It’s all adults, really, I think I’m the youngest one there. But I’m just in this group of women and they see me as a woman. I got misgendered once the first time I went but since then, it’s been seamless, and it feels great, and I think fashion’s part of that. As far as the actual practical nature of walking down the street and all that, the negative aspects are that I get a lot of, not only confused looks, but also looks of scorn. Now, I look ahead and I don’t look at people’s eyes. On the bus I draw or I read, because I know that at any given point, someone’s looking. The best case scenario is if they’re

A CONVERSATION WITH ANDI KEYES

just confused or interested, and the worst is if they look angry at me for the choices I’m making. I’m a very sensitive person so seeing that really gets to me. I don’t like to even let it enter my mind, because they don’t deserve to even be in my mental space. On the other hand, the positives are that I have gotten random compliments from people on the street who like my outfits, which is really cool. People from Emerson, too. This one girl in my literature class commented the other day, “It’s an 8am class, why do you always look so great every day and I just look like a thumb?” So that’s a positive, and those positive compliments go so far, and really can neutralize all that other garbage I have to deal with. Some days it’s really hard. I have bipolar disorder so I have my depressed days, and it’s hard to summon up the courage to possibly face harassment. And harassment is usually not direct. That’s what I feared when I first started presenting femininely, that I’d be facing direct comments and verbal harassment. But it’s mostly through looks, it’s far more subtle. But it still hurts. This means that my decisions in fashion can be very polarizing, because I can get really positive feedback and form new friendships based on the way I present myself, but I can also distance myself from a lot of people and receive feedback verging on aggression, which is scary. I think the myth that I hate the most is that of, seeing trans-women as wearing a “disguise” or trying to “trick people” because they’re really “a man underneath.” That shit really gets to me, because I feel like some of the looks I receive are looks of, “What are you trying to do? I know what you really are.” I don’t know how to get through to those people and I don’t

feel like I really need to. We need better representation in media so people see that it’s not a “false identity.” Because if you’re initially being seen by someone as false, or being seen as trying to trick people, you really can’t form any further relationship from there. CA: Do you feel like there is a significant difference between the expectations for women’s fashion and men’s fashion regarding how it can limit or affect people? AK: There’s a bunch of weird shit as far as high schools and dress codes telling women what to do. I guess the expectation at first is to not have girls “distracting men sexually,” making sure your short shorts aren’t too short or that your mini skirts aren’t too mini, or that you’re not showing too much leg so that the boys aren’t getting too...aroused. As far as for men, I was socialized as a man for 21 years and there’s a huge fear around dressing femininely. It makes locker rooms a really terrifying place. I don’t even remember gym locker rooms from high school, I totally blocked that out because it was so horrifying. Even by wearing a crop top or skinny jeans, everyone’s going to read that as “you’re gay” and they’ll let you know that they think you’re gay. But what they don’t know is that I am gay, but I’m actually a lesbian, so ha-ha, jokes on them. It’s hard, masculinity is a prison, as they say. That’s why I felt like I could only express myself through a graphic tee. I didn’t understand why, but I always thought myself as more of a boy than a man, and my fashion kinda spoke to that. It was very youthful looking. I think it was because I was never meant to take that route, to become a man. If anything, “boy” fashion is verging on more androgynous, and

I know women that dress more butch or soft butch, and that sort of style definitely intersects with that boyish look. CA: When do you feel most powerful, most confident, or most yourself, regarding what you’re wearing? AK: A lof of what affects how I feel comes before fashion, like shaving. Shaving is important. Shaving is really important. I shave my face every morning. I don’t have the energy all the time to shave my legs, and I am on hormones so my hair is literally becoming lighter, but a lot of my leg hair is still really thick. It’s very scientific, testosterone makes your body hair thicker. Seeing [my body hair] does the opposite of what you’re saying, it really takes me out of my element. But say that I’ve shaved and I’m smooth, that’s the first step in my identity, because it makes me feel more feminine. Not to say that hair isn’t feminine, but for me at least. Honestly, mostly when I’m home by myself I can get really done up and feel good. I had a lot of days over the summer where I didn’t really feel like going out but I wanted to get dressed up, so I’d put on some music and just take some selfies. As far as social scenarios, going to a party or some sort of gig or house show is probably when I feel most in my element because I can own a more fierce look that I wouldn’t necessarily wear to class or just everyday. I generally get nice feedback there too, which makes it even better. I think that being in a safe space with people that are getting maybe a little inebriated is nice, that’s another place when I feel really in my element. On the other hand I have been in some party atmospheres where the opposite has happened. Getting ready to go out one night, my friend had curled my hair and I was feeling

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;my decisions in fashion can be very polarizing, because i can get really positive feedback and form new friendships based on the way i present myself, but i can also distance myself from a lot of people...

â&#x20AC;?

A CONVERSATION WITH ANDI KEYES

really good about myself, but then upon arriving at the party, the guy at the door called me “man,” and it really got to me, and I just left. So while I can feel very in my element in a party environment, I’m also almost at my most vulnerable there. CA: Do you feel like there are any specific shifts in the fashion industry or in the ways people are finding inspiration and trends right now, and do they affect you? AK: I think what’s interesting is, again, since I wasn’t socialized as a girl or a woman for a long time, I was kind of unaware of fashion. I had this one friend Christie from home, who was really into fashion and started to open my eyes a bit to what it could actually do and how it has the potential to be very artful. Regarding the shift that you’re talking about, I feel like instead of noticing the shift, I’ve kind of entered with the shift. For me, that entrance

was the group Outfit Aesthetic on Facebook. Like I said, I often would feel most in my element at home taking selfies and listening to music, so I would post those outfits [in Outfit Aesthetic] way before I would dress that way publicly. There’s probably outfits on that page that I’ve put up that I still haven’t worn in public. But it’s still a public safe space where you can express yourself and receive feedback. I also get a ton of inspiration from that page. People usually list where they bought the stuff they’re wearing so it shows how you can actually grow your own style. It’s far more doable and attainable. Another great thing about OA is that they recognize that living in America, we’re all biased towards Western European beauty standards, and with that, it’s very unfortunate, but thin white women or femme presenting people naturally get the most attention. It’s unfortunate, but it happens.

OA to counter that instituted four days of the week where you have to be either a POC, trans or non-binary identifying, identifying as more fullfigured or fat, or Disabled. That’s so great because it provides a platform for people and voices that often get drowned out. You really get to see what’s happening in different fashion communities, stuff that you wouldn’t normally see in Vogue. CA: What direction do you think fashion and media could realistically go in that would be a positive shift in what we’re used to seeing? AK: One big thing is access. You can make a magazine, but how do you distribute that to people? Printing costs a lot, then you get it out on the racks, but are they really even being seen by people? Are they accessible to everyone? All that kind of stuff. So I think accessibility is a big thing, and that goes along with the Internet. More web content is really important.

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So that’s more of the practical way of getting content into people’s hands. As far as the actual content, I know that there’s someone making a magazine out of the group Aesthetic Smartphone Pics, which is cool. So it’s that sort of user-generated idea, and I could even see channeling posts from Outfit Aesthetic into some sort of magazine, and maybe that’s a little idealistic because I know magazines work a little differently than that, but still, it’s the idea of user-generated content. As far as diversification, I think that fashion is a conversation between the industry and the people that wear the clothing. As long as there’s a demand for more diversification from the people actually wearing the clothing–and it takes a while, it’s not an immediate thing–I think we will start to see it happen. H&M put out that ad recently that promoted this sort of open minded idea of what a “woman” is. And while it

seemed like an active attempt to shift the diversity of their campaigns, H&M is definitely a problematic company, and there’s also a difference between co-opting that message to sell your brand and actively standing by that stance, so it raises some questions. Another thing I think we could see is that in opposition to big companies like H&M and other large, international conglomerates, we might see the growth of more small shops through the internet. I think it’d be really cool to see not only the diversification of models but also of where the clothing is coming from. Showcasing clothing from smaller shops cuts out both the middleman and a lot of terrible abuses that are being made by corporate companies. The focus should be minimizing the distance between where the clothing is coming from and who is wearing it. Closing that gap seems like what we are starting to see right now and is what I would like to see more of.

CA: Where do you shop? AK: I totally just shat on H&M but I do get basics there. Things like jeans, tights, and underwear. It’s cheap and I don’t have infinite money. I go to Buffalo Exchange a lot, and it’s definitely pricier than a Goodwill, but instead of thrifting becoming a treasure hunt, it’s more curated. Honestly, a lot of my clothing–and I’m really grateful for this–has come from friends. When I first came out, I had to change my entire wardrobe, and it took time, but I kind of have it now. A lot of my other stuff is in boxes that I’ll never look at again, unless I go to donate them or sell them. I also passed on some of if on by giving some of my nicer collared shirts to my guy friends. But surprisingly the majority of my clothing has come from friends who were just trying to get rid of some stuff, but in the end they helped me.

in my own skin self portraits, wearing four outfits that are totally me

MODELED, STYLED, and PHOTOGRAPHED BY CARINA ALLEN

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IN MY OWN SKIN

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instant inspiration WRITTEN BY MARIAH FREIRE

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I check Instagram every day. In fact I check Instagram multiples times a day, throughout the day, at the beginning and at the end of the day. If I have time, even in the middle of the day. Yet every morning, I stare at my closet and dresser, and wait for something to pop up at me. I stand and stare, as if the shirt of the day will walk out of its place and fling itself onto my bed. Like a magic closet. God, that’d be ideal. A la Hannah Montana’s closet. A dream, a luxury beyond luxuries. But I don’t have these things. It’s up to me to decide what I wear each day, which is a luxury in and of itself. And yet Instagram remains with its idols, its “it” girls, claiming titles and popularity for cool style, good lighting, and expensive food clothes. How did they get there, and yet I’m still here? Technology has given us so much and yet it remains a jungle left to be explored. Once you get passed the cat videos, and the ballerinas and gymnasts, there

I could live through Instagram, I honestly would (mostly just for the clothes). If I could use every photo to purchase something directly (which you basically can, but that doesn’t make designer clothing any less expensive) I would be fitted with an entirely new wardrobe at the tap of a finger. Unfortunately real life doesn’t really make these things possible. Before inventions like Instagram and Facebook Live, we wouldn’t be able to see a Prada or Chanel show. We’d be sitting online, waiting for Vogue to upload photos, show by show. Of course, if you were in the industry, life was made a lot easier. But for those of us who’ve been admiring from afar, we’ve found fashion in the palm of our hands. So what do we do with it? How have I been afflicted into devouring content I can’t have? What do I do be the “it” girl? Until then, I’ll be staring at my closet.

is a whole world dedicated to cool girls. They give us inspiration, ideas, trends to follow. But even with all that, it’s so unattainable. Maybe that’s secretly what we like the most. Vanessa Jackman is the woman behind the popular street style blog that became my favored place to go to for style inspiration in high school- before the real advent of Instagram’s it girl. Whimsical dresses, sequined skirts, embroidered bags, real looks to aspire to reach at a distance, and I find myself searching for it all on eBay. How accessible is all this inspiration, especially if we don’t know how to use it? Instagram makes it particularly easy to find the things you like with the ability to search by similar style and the ability to look at the posts that those you follow are liking as well. The world is essentially at your finger tips- quite literally. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care about it all. If

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MODELING BY MIKAYLA BISHOP PHOTOGRAPHY BY CARINA ALLEN

on fashion & the aesthetic dear carina, As analytical as I believe I am, I wish to be artistic. I’m sure we share some commonality in this regard. As such, I crave a good aesthetic. I positively soak in it when I find one. So when you ask me about fashion, my mind speeds past fabric, runways, and trends into an abstract realm of colors and tableaus. So much of fashion, to me, is in aspiration to this. The aesthetic is at once beauty’s ideal and seduction. Usually, it is cohesive and comprehensive in its achievement. These are things I saw in The Portrait of Dorian Gray. Oscar Wilde, I think, saw how cruelty, pain, and beauty can all be wrapped up together. He could make even the cruelest tonguewranglings as smooth as a lick. That was why he was an artist. Please indulge me in a simplification: to make pain beautiful is art, to make beauty painful is the artist’s great despair. Where fashion fails us, which is to say where the fashion industry fails us, is in its unsuccessful imagining and

manifesting of a reality in which everyone can take part in the aesthetic. Now why is this? The prudent questions to ask seem to be, firstly, what is the goal of fashion and, secondly, what is the goal of industry? The goal of industry is quite clear: the profit motive. The logical means by which industry often accomplishes the goal of making money is by fulfilling society’s demand, but this is not always necessarily the case. At times, industry—particularly that which has sometimes distortedly referred to as the “beauty industry”—creates demand by cultivating insecurity and division. At all times, the means justifies the ends for industry because the capitalist aim is survival and or dominance. The goal of fashion is more elusive because fashion is art, expression, and function, though not always at once. Perhaps there is no goal at all. What I can say is that currently, in general, the fashion industry still

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seems to make beauty painful for those who it excludes based on size, color, gender, and more. In some ways, this has begun to change. However, in thinking of fashion in a way similar to collective liberation, I believe we are all impoverished when the wealth of beauty that could exist for everyone is systematically obscured. I am not sure I can say yet that being able to feel beautiful is a human right. I can say, though, that ensuring all just people feel valued and included should be the goal of all just societies and their various institutions. This will be something that we will have to work on moving forward. In that spirit, I look forward to seeing more of your work.

wishing you all the best, willie