Capt. Larry Smith's Daily Life Plan Journal For Use With The
Starter Kit to Recovery at Home DVD Series
Your Name: _____________________________________________ www.dailylifeplanjournal.com
www.starterkittorecovery.com
C a p i ta n L a r r y S m i t h
Capt. Larry Smith’s Daily Life Plan Journal Condensed Online Version for use with the Starter Kit To Recovery at Home Created and written by Larry Smith
Because you’re worth it! You may feel that you don’t deserve a wonderful life. You may believe that on some level, maybe subconsciously, you are “not worthy”. The feeling of not measuring up to the expectations of others may have been instilled in you by your parents, peers or educational systems. You may have unrealistically compared yourself to high achieving role models such as athletes, movie stars and celebrities. Some of which don’t deserve your esteem. For whatever the reason, it is important to be cognizant of a distorted self-worth. This underlying fear of “not being enough” is a major pretext for using mind-altering chemicals. The journey in recovery teaches you to be honest, open minded and willing to change. Once you’ve internalized these concepts and are taking steps to correct your character defects -- you can now accept yourself for who you are without further judgment. It’s time to recognize, you are one of God’s children and a miracle of life. You are worthy of the gifts of recovery and the bountiful rewards life has to offer.
You have valuable traits that make you special. To reinforce your selfworth, discover and use those traits to help others. To feel deserving of a meaningful life, develop and maintain your sense of purpose. Your time on this planet is short compared to the enormity of the universe. You choose how to utilize your time and the legacy you will leave behind. You do not have to accept the standards set by others as your standards, raise the bar and you will rise above the petty indifferences that consume so many. Identify with being a person in recovery. People in recovery can’t afford triggers such as self-pity, self-centeredness, resentments, and prejudice. Instead we strive for the qualities listed on the following page. By incorporating these into your daily life, you will no longer be concerned with other’s perceptions and expectations of you. You will intuitively know what is right and that “you are enough”. You will enjoy love, peace and serenity... because you are worth it!
D a i ly L i f e P l a n J o u r n a l
Start this workbook by saying these affirmations. “I am ______________________________.� (Fill in the blank with each word from below.)
Alert, Genuine, Supportive, Appreciative, Generous, Truthful, Attentive, Grateful, Vulnerable, Authentic, Humble, Clear, Joyous, Compassionate, Kind, Creative, Loving, Dependable, Loyal, Empowering, Open, Enthusiastic, Present, Flexible, Punctual, Focused, Receptive. Be true to yourself and trust in the goal setting and journaling process.
C a p i ta n L a r r y S m i t h
TABLE OF CONTENTS 1. INTRODUCTION 2. WHY THE TITLE? 3. ABOUT THE AUTHOR 4. A NEUROLOGICAL CASE TO JOURNAL 5. WORKBOOK ELEMENTS 6. GOAL SETTING IN ACTION 7. GOALS: MONITORING YOUR PROGRESS 8. ESTABLISHING LONG TERM GOALS 9. GOAL SETTNG BREAKDOWN 10. GAUGE INSTRUCTIONS 11. CAPT. LARRY SMITH’S - DAILY LIFE PLAN JOURNAL
D a i ly L i f e P l a n J o u r n a l
Daily— Daily is how you live your life. “Yesterday’s history and tomorrow’s a mystery, today is a gift.”
Life Plan— Life planning is goal setting for all areas of importance in your life. You
may think of goal setting as planning for a career, paying off debt, losing weight or accomplishing an educational degree. Life planning also encompasses goal setting for your personal relationships with loved ones and God. Having a written plan for your life will provide balance, organization, discipline and a tool for measuring progress toward stated goals.
There are many metaphoric references to aviation in this workbook. Just as you set personal goals with a “life plan”, a commercial pilot uses a “flight plan” to arrive at a destination safely and hopefully on time. Both life plan and flight plan recognize that a safe arrival at your destination is more important than an on time arrival. Both plans start out with specific estimations of time in route, speed and course. Also, both plans should prepare you or the pilot for obstacles that could cause you to deviate from your desired course and hamper your arrival. Energy and outside resources play valuable roles in planning and execution of any worthwhile plan. The life plan and flight plan are valuable instruments that are referred to constantly on either journey.
Journal— Journaling brings you into the moment and allows you to focus on
the specific goal you are perusing in the present. Journaling allows you to express feelings and emotions minus the concern of judgment from others. Journaling is sharing privately on paper. The act of writing down fears and resentments will open your mind to clarity and truth. The Daily Life Plan Journal is a practical tool that will help you plan and set meaningful goals. It will assist you in monitoring your progress towards your goals and will keep you in touch with your state of mind, feelings and environment. Remember, it will only work if you use it. Larry
C a p i ta n L a r r y S m i t h
THIS IS MY STORY pic
My name is Larry Smith I am a Recovering Alcoholic and Addict To some that sounds sad or shameful, for me it’s just who I am. I carry no shame with identifying myself as an alcoholic/addict and I relish the irony that today I live a wonderful life despite the depths and despair that my alcoholism and drug addiction took me. In recovery I experience more love, joy and sense of purpose than I ever could have if had not experienced those empty years living with an active addiction. This Is My Story: I was born November 27, 1950 in an Ohio town ironically named Defiance. I spent the first 17 years of my life in my hometown, Deshler, Ohio. Deshler was a close knit, predominately farming community, and I went from Kindergarten through Senior High School in the same building. Deshler had two stoplights and six bars. August 23, 1968 at the ripe age of 17, I enlisted in the Air National Guard. I stood 5’5” and weighed 112 pounds. I shaved once a week whether I needed it or not. I thought I was going to be a trained killer, but instead I was assigned a support squadron in the Accounting and Finance Office at Toledo Express Airport.
My job included preparing the payroll for the base personnel and as a result I knew almost everyone by name. Being extroverted, I enjoyed helping the troops with their payroll concerns. Most of all I loved working with the 25 fighter pilots of the 112 Tactical Fighter Squadron. The thrill and mystique of flying super-sonic single seat fighters created a burning desire within me to be “one of them.” Although I was a fast burner in the enlisted ranks by making Technical Sergeant (E-6) in four years, my lack of education and the fact I flunked the pilot training entrance exam greatly diminished my chances of ever being chosen for Officer School and USAF Pilot Training. I was told by the Personnel Officer, “no one on this base ever became a fighter pilot after working in an office.”
D a i ly L i f e P l a n J o u r n a l
Still, I cut out a picture of the T-38 jet trainer just as it was lifting off the runway. I kept it under the glass on my accounting desk. I would visualize myself as the pilot in the picture, screaming down the runway, pulling back on the stick and lifting that sleek white jet into the air. I realized then, visualization without action is merely daydreaming. I started taking night classes to get some college credits. This was my first experience with setting goals. Through persistence and hard work, I achieved what I set out to do. After four years of night classes, I completed two years of college.
had to complete Officer Training School in Knoxville, Tennessee and Flight Screening School in Hondo, Texas. In October of 1974, I arrived at Undergraduate Air Force Pilot Training at Williams Air Force Base in Chandler, Arizona. It was the Mecca of pilot training bases, and was attended by many of the graduates from the Air Force Academy. No one could figure out how a guy with only two years of college even got there. The fact was that Col. Bell had to obtain a special wavier from the Pentagon to send me because I was not a college graduate.
A sad note to this story is that while I was in pilot training Colonel Bell crashed an F-100 while landing at Toledo Express The year was 1974, and the unit had one Airport and died at the end of the runway. pilot training slot allotted for that year. He was loved by the men and women There were six potential pilot candidates, in the unit, and was very active in the two having Master’s degrees, three having community. I heard his funeral was the Bachelor’s degrees and myself with two largest in the history of Ohio. years of college. We had all passed the written exams (for me it took two tries) and Air Force Pilot Training was a blast. The the stringent Air Force Pilot physicals. We long hours of studying was paid off with waited for Colonel Charlie Bell to decide the thrill of strapping into a super-sonic which one of us six men would be his jet doing things in the air I could have choice to attend pilot training. never imagined. Acrobatic maneuvers, fingertip formations or buzzing just above One evening after work, I was drunk out of the treetops at 500 mph, were part of my mind at the base’s NCO/Officers Club. everyday activities. God, I loved the thrill. I was rolling on the floor with my best buddy Jeff when Colonel Bell pulled me In T-38’s, I was assigned to the best and up by my hair, looked me in the eye and hardest instructor on the base. Lieutenant stated, “Smitty, anybody that gets as drunk Don Teeples was a skinny red head from as you will make a damn good fighter Oklahoma. He was so tough he didn’t pilot, I’m sick of sending these college even wear an “anti G-suit” when he flew. preppies to pilot training and having them The anti-G suit squeezed blood from wash out—I am sending you.” the lower body to the brain when pulling excessive G forces while performing overThe vision of pulling that T-38 off the the-top acrobatic maneuvers. runway just became closer to reality. First I
C a p i ta n L a r r y S m i t h
On the way to our first flight he told me that the takeoff in a T-38 happens so fast most students don’t get the gear up on time consequently over-speeding the gear doors. He threatened: “Smith, if you don’t get the gear up on time I’ll break your f---ing arm!” That motivated me so much that on takeoff roll, after I pushed up the throttles and lit the afterburner, I immediately put my left hand on the gear handle, and the instant I pulled back the stick to lift off with my right hand, I raised the gear handle with my left. We were only three feet off the ground, going 180 mph with the gear up—My years of envisioning this very moment had actually arrived. Lieutenant Teeples, in the backseat of the jet shouted, “Hot damn, you’re no weak dick... you’ll be fine.” He later gave me a great evaluation to insure I got my fighter assignment. On October 18, 1975 I received my silver wings. Next, I attended Water Survival training in Florida, as well as Ground Survival and POW training, in state of Washington. Immediately after, I attended a sevenmonth transition course into the F-100 in Tucson, AZ. Now a fighter pilot, I began considering flying for a commercial airline. First, I had to acquire a Bachelor’s Degree. In August of 1977, I finished my Bachelor’s degree at the University of Toledo. I graduated cum laude, with a BS in Business Management and with a minor in Psychology. I now had my sights set on getting an airline job—so much so, I did not bother to attend my own college graduation—arrogantly looking at it as an insignificant event. Ironically, the last
elective I took my final quarter of college was a class called “Alcohol.” I got an A in the class. I paid to get certified as a Flight Engineer on the 727 and in May of 1978 Braniff Airlines hired me. I partied hard my three years at Braniff. I loved being paid to fly commercial jets to exotic destinations and on my days off shooting guns, dropping bombs and dog fighting in the F-100. In 1981, I abruptly quit the Air National Guard, even though I had just spent two months learning to fly the A-7 Corsair. During my time at A-7 school, I had gotten into some serious trouble after a wild night of drinking at the Officer’s Club. The unit commander was getting tired of seeing my face in his office and was relieved when I made the request to resign. Little did I know that Braniff would be filing Chapter 7 Bankruptcy and soon I would be unemployed. I had burned my bridges with the Toledo Guard and had nowhere to turn. My wife and I had been separated, but we decided to make one last effort to make our marriage work. With little hope of finding another flying job, I took classes and got a real estate license. My timing appeared to be off as mortgage rates were over 16% and many realtors were running for the hills. Seizing an opportunity, I specialized in alternative types of financing. Soon I became the sales leader in my company. My success was drawing attention from many of the real estate companies in Toledo. Several brokerages and builders started recruiting me. I was most impressed with a company that offered me an
D a i ly L i f e P l a n J o u r n a l
interesting package. It included $1000 per month salary, (almost unheard of for real estate agents) a free all expenses paid condominium, a membership to Brandywine Country Club and the best of all... an abundance of cocaine.
loved. I wanted good friends, and was incapable of being a good friend. Soon, there was only one thing that could make me feel better about myself... and it came in a beautiful white powder, called COCAINE.
This venture lasted a year before reality set in and the company failed. I then turned to buying, selling and rehabbing foreclosures. An Air Force Reserve unit at Selfridge Air Base in Michigan, offered me a position to fly C-130s and I jumped at the chance.
One thing about coke addicts... we can spot each other in a crowd. Before long I was well connected and getting the best drugs around. My drug dealer called me “iron-man” because of the large quantities I could do in a single setting. I would use coke to get high and booze to bring me down. I thought I was hiding my behavior from my sons, but I wasn’t.
In 1985, I completed the Series 7 and Series 63 testing and became a Licensed Securities Advisor. I was now selling real estate, marketing securities, managing five partnerships, flying for the Air Force Reserves and raising two sons. As if I didn’t have enough on my plate, in 1986 a major International Airline hired me... soon after, my marriage ended. At the time, joint custody was not common and my wife obtained full custody of my sons.
For me, the real truth about alcohol and drugs is that they robbed me of everything decent in my life. For years, they lied to me and told me I didn’t have a problem, then they destroyed every healthy relationship I had, ultimately costing me the respect of my sons. I couldn’t look in the mirror without screaming at myself over what a piece of crap I had become. I hated myself and I had no idea what to do. I believed to my core I was unique and that AA or rehab would not help. I had accepted I was going to die from my addiction.
I retired as a Major from the Air Force Reserves in 1991. I built a new home in Sylvania, Ohio, so I could be close to my boys. I had several disastrous relationships—each time failing to see that I was the problem. No matter how much I There is a saying, “God does for us what worked, drank, or gambled, nothing could we can’t do for ourselves.” That saying fill the void within me. applies to what happened next in my life. Instead of doing something meaningful with this extra time, I chose to fill my body with alcohol and cocaine, and my head with resentments and self-pity. I believed I had failed at everything because I had failed at relationships—intensified by the fact that I had an insatiable need to be
The evening of February 3, 1999 started out similar to many other evenings. I had a fully-stocked liquor cabinet, a frig full of beer and my drug dealer had dropped-off four grams of high-quality cocaine. My drug dealer serviced professionals and
C a p i ta n L a r r y S m i t h
never cut the drugs, so they were always very potent. Like Domino’s Pizza, he promised delivery in 30 minutes or less or you received a free gram. His motto was, “I may doze but I never close.” I had filled the large Jacuzzi tub, unwrapped a Cuban cigar, poured a snifter of cognac to dip the cigar in, and cooked a small amount of the cocaine so I could smoke it. I wrapped a towel around me since I had already taken my clothes off for the tub and went to fetch a cold beer out of the refrigerator. I thought I noticed some movement from outside the dining room window, however, knowing I suffered from drug induced paranoia, I blew it off. Suddenly, BOOM! The front door flew off and hit the floor. Splinters from the door jam came down like confetti all over the foyer. What seemed like a dozen men in black ski masks carrying guns and riot batons, came running directly at me, knocking me to the floor, stripping me of my towel. I never thought I would find myself like this: naked and shivering, facedown on my cold kitchen floor, with the business end of a cop’s shotgun pointed at the back of my head. Denial, fear, pain and embarrassment were almost more than I could take, when I suddenly experienced “a profound moment of clarity”. I looked up the barrel of the shotgun, into the steely eyes of the masked narcotics agent, and uttered the most amazing words that marked the turning point of my life: “I’m glad you’re here.” Two days later, on February 5th, at 1:30
pm, I walked out of the Lucas County Jail. I hadn’t showered or shaved for several days. My mind was spinning with questions and uncertainty. The minute I hit the sidewalk, I was confronted by the local TV reporters and their cameramen. It felt like an attack, and I was not in the mood to chat. They got footage of me almost punching a reporter who stuck a microphone in my face. Once home, I received a call from my Chief Pilot. He had received news of my arrest and to my disbelief he asked me if I wanted help for my addiction. He denied that he was calling to fire me, which was what I expected and felt I deserved. He had already arranged for me to go to treatment at Fireside Hospital in Sandusky, Ohio. Although his words were comforting, I thought they were meaningless because I believed I was headed for prison. I agreed to treatment however, I was dumbfounded when he said to go right away because they were holding a bed for me. I said “okay” and informed my family of the plan. It was just after 3 p.m. and my sons would now be out of school. I called them and said I needed them to come over for a talk. It was the most humiliating experience of my life. I was face-to-face with my sons, explaining to them that their Dad had been arrested for possession of drugs, and that I was going to be on the evening news. Nathan, 19 and Lucas, 17 witnessed my shame and out of compassion pretended not to be upset. Still, I could see their pain, and I was well aware of the pending embarrassment that was soon to come.
D a i ly L i f e P l a n J o u r n a l
Before my father left the house, he stated, “Go get help for the stuff you’ve been putting up your nose and when you get home we’ll just drink beer together.” I agreed. I was oblivious to anything having to do with sobriety and recovery. I had no idea what the journey ahead would bring. I only knew I had to change... change my thinking and my behavior. My old way of living was over and I had no clue about how to live without getting high. That was February 5th 1999 and I have been clean and sober since. I spent 10 days at Fireside Hospital in Sandusky, Ohio, detoxing from the drugs and alcohol. It was suggested by my company’s EAP that I change rehabs. On February 22, 1999, my youngest sister, Lois, drove me to Cornerstone, in Tustin, California. The first person I met was the intake coordinator and counselor Nora Metcalf. It was obvious that Nora didn’t know who I was, as she insisted on treating me like everyone else. She didn’t seem to like me much, and the feeling was mutual. My first obstacle in recovery was accepting that I wasn’t unique. I discovered that my legal woes were small compared to most. Also, I learned that my past pathetic behavior was quite typical for a “crack-head.” (The name that my case manager John Patty (AKA, King John) gave me, because of my insistence that, since I cooked my own cocaine and avoided street crack, I really wasn’t a crack-head) While attending groups, I began to have peculiar thoughts. I would visualize myself doing what King John
was doing. It was much like visualizing the take-off of a T-38—remembering a picture I had on my desk years ago. I could see myself guiding people in recovery the way John was guiding me. This place of healing was actually a garage set up as a classroom. A garage that seemed sacred to me. I remember like it was yesterday, the day I was discharged from inpatient care with orders to check into a sober living home. Lois loaned me an old Nissan truck to drive, while in sober living. As soon as I drove away from Cornerstone, my first thought was, “Larry, there’s a SevenEleven two blocks behind you. You can go toss down a couple beers, rinse with some Listerine and then go to sober living, and no one would ever know the difference.” Wow! With everything in my life on the line, I was still thinking like a fool. I was facing prison along with the loss of my family, career, and health and still my brain told me to go ahead and drink just one more time. This is the truth about alcoholism. It is cunning, baffling, powerful and patient. I was fortunate to recall something a young man said the day before. “Just don’t act on your craving today.” Tell yourself, “maybe tomorrow but NOT today.” Even though fear and reasoning had not kicked in, the thought that I could put off drinking until tomorrow worked in that crucial moment. That was the closest I ever came to relapsing. In July, three doctors, the EAP Representative, the Union Representatives, and the Chief Pilot
C a p i ta n L a r r y S m i t h
agreed to submit my paperwork to the FAA, requesting they issue me a Special Issuance Medical Certificate. A very thick stack of paperwork went to the FAA Office in Washington, D.C. and then would be forwarded to the FAA Office in Oklahoma City. Several more doctors and psychiatrists would have to determine my fitness to fly and under what conditions they would allow me to get back in the cockpit. Nine months after being arrested, I strapped into a 747 at San Francisco International Airport and flew it to Kona, Hawaii. Climbing through 10,000 feet, I looked back as the Northern Coast of California disappeared behind the wing. I was flying again. The check pilot that was with me did not know why I was requalifying, let alone why there were tears in my eyes. Here’s a bit of irony... As we were completing the flight plan the Check Captain received a call and I heard him say, “Alcohol Test, you’ve got to be kidding? We’re suppose to push back in 50 minutes”, I thought oh boy, here we go the first day back to work and I’m being alcohol tested Instead “he” had been selected for a rare Random Alcohol Test — “not me.” What a God shot. I laughed all the way to the aircraft. I (the alcoholic) setup the entire cockpit while my check Captain was peeing in a bottle.
her tough love, while I was in treatment, was exactly what I needed. Years later, while at a meeting, my sponsor introduced me to Lori. I thought she was attractive, nonetheless, we didn’t talk much. A few weeks later, after the same meeting, she was standing by my car, as I made my way to the parking lot. We got together that week, and before long we started seeing each other exclusively. That was in January of 2003, and we’re still together. Lori and I not only shared our unreserved commitment to recovery, we took classes and became certified addiction counselors. I became fascinated with the neurological aspects of addiction after hearing Dr. Drew Pinsky speak at a luncheon. Lori and I took EEG Neurotherapy classes and we became certified to do this form of biofeedback for the brain. Lori actually practiced as a Neurofeedback Technician, until she was hired as a full-time addiction counselor. At the end of 2004, I was released from the FAA mandated monitoring. I vowed that I would not cut back on the time I was spending in my recovery program. My passion actually grew stronger, as I immediately became a union (ALPA) representative to my companies Employee Assistance Program.
While on the staff as a counselor at February 5th, 2000 I celebrated one year Cornerstone, another vision became clean and sober at the Alano Club in reality. I was now facilitating groups in the Newport Beach, CA. Nora, the counselor same “garage” that five years earlier I had that I had once despised presented me sat in as a client and envisioned myself with my chip and cake. Nora and I remain doing what King John was doing. I love friends today. I realize more than ever, that looking the clients in the eye and stating
D a i ly L i f e P l a n J o u r n a l
figuratively and literally, “I was in your seat.” With my newfound knowledge of addiction recovery and the brain, I developed a few educational lectures. It was then I discovered I had a knack for speaking. Although this talent is fueled more by my passion of the subject matter than true speaking ability, I’ve been told that my presentations are informative, entertaining and inspirational... works for me! In August of 2009, I spoke at The International Airline Pilots Association’s Safety Forum in Washington D.C. The very group of professionals I had embarrassed with my actions ten years previously, now had me doing presentations on alcoholism, drug addiction and recovery. Today, I am on staff at several Southern California Treatment Facilities. I have expanded my education lectures to any venue seeking education and straight talk about alcoholism, addiction and recovery. In order to maintain the incredible life I have today I must always remember, “My recovery comes first.” Observing successes and failures in recovery has always puzzled me: • Why do some people succeed in recovery and others fail? • Why do so many people in recovery relapse? • Why do pilots have better recovery rates than other people? • What traits do alcoholics and addicts share? • Is there something different in the
personality make-up of pilots or is it their rigidly monitored program that accounts for most achieving long-term sobriety? My answers to these questions are the reasons and essence behind this Daily Life Plan Journal. Pilots, by nature and necessity, must have the discipline to follow directions. For every flight, it is essential for us to follow SOPs (Standard Operating Procedures) and exact checklists. In the event something goes wrong, we have precise directions to follow. This workbook provides the tools for people in recovery to find direction, discipline and assessment in the tasks they face each day. Successful people in every facet of life set goals, monitor progress and are aware of their obstacles. They visualize results before they happen and take action daily toward their goals. The Daily Life Plan Journal and the workshops that go with this workbook will uncover these principles to anyone willing to try.
C a p i ta n L a r r y S m i t h
A NEUROLOGICAL CASE TO JOURNAL By Captain Larry Smith Early in my recovery, Dr. Drew Pinsky spoke at a luncheon for recovering pilots. He stated, alcoholism and drug addiction “hi-jacks” the brain. The term stuck with me, motivating me to learn more as to how this takes place. Dr. Pinsky also said, “people use alcohol and drugs because they work.” We have an expectation that when we drink or use, something will happen... and it does. The problem arises out of the fact that what happens within an alcoholic or an addict is quite different than what happens to your average “Normie.” What I discovered during my years of research on this subject was truly remarkable, and is the foundation for both my lectures and this journal. There are many opinions concerning the “disease concept” of addiction. It is important to understand that no one chooses to become an alcoholic or an addict, however we did choose to try alcohol and drugs. This is where the aspects of “guilt versus shame” should be mentioned. Alcoholics and addicts are guilty of trying alcohol and drugs. The concept of “shame” meaning “you are a bad human being” should not apply to a person who is “guilty” of the mistake of trying alcohol or drugs. Statistics
indicate that a large percentage of the population experiments with mindaltering substances however most quit or never abuse them. To the addict, the ability to choose to moderate or quit is taken away because their brains react differently to drugs. The same is true for alcoholics. Then comes the highly debated subject of genetic predisposition to alcoholism and addiction. It is true if alcoholism runs in your family you have a higher risk of being an alcoholic. Science suggests that there are many genes associated with addiction so it is impossible to predict accurately if someone will become an alcoholic or addict, based on family background. Regardless if a person has a predisposition to addiction or not, if you don’t pick up the “first one” addiction will never be triggered. Also many drugs such as methamphetamine and opiates are so addictive it’s almost humanly impossible to use them consistently in moderation. Think of addiction as a self-induced “neurological disease.” Just as some people are more susceptible becoming diabetic some people are more susceptible to alcoholism or addiction. Also, for some it takes only a small amount of a substance to trigger the symptoms of the disease. Opinions on the “disease concept” of addictions are often argued however,
D a i ly L i f e P l a n J o u r n a l
what is really important to understand is the devastation that addiction takes on the addict’s life and the lives of the people close to them. The biggest problem most people have with understanding addiction is NOT recognizing the incredible power that alcohol and drugs have over a person who’s addicted. In the next few pages, I will not only show why the brain becomes hi-jacked by addiction, I will validate the statement, “once an addict always an addict.” For the purpose of this journal, the terms “addict” and “alcoholic” are synonymous. The repetitive behavior and obsessive thinking behind addiction permanently alters the brain. Therefore, in recovery, we must again rewire the brain through changing our belief systems and reinventing ourselves. Alcohol and drugs affect the brain in very powerful ways. The brain is an electrical and chemical organ that communicates with itself and the rest of the body. This communication in the brain takes place as one neuron (brain cell) connects through synaptic connections to another neuron. An electrical charge (caused by ions) running along the axiom (shaft) of the neuron causes the release of neurotransmitters (chemicals) into the synapse, a small space between the sender and the receptor of the neuron receiving the neurotransmitter. As the receiving neuron metabolizes this neurotransmitter molecule, the magic begins to happen. There are many types of neurotransmitters, but the one most
associated with addiction is dopamine. Dopamine is normally released (in regulated amounts) within the brain, so that we feel pleasure. That’s the magic I was referring to... the pleasure, as felt when eating a good meal, seeing a beautiful sunset or having sex. Addictive drugs increase the amount of dopamine that is released, and some drugs release an inordinate amount of dopamine that creates intense pleasure. Crystal meth causes 13 times the amount of dopamine release as having sex. The drugs that release the highest amounts of dopamine, in descending order, are: methamphetamine, cocaine, heroine, nicotine, alcohol and marijuana. The duration and intensity of the dopamine pleasure surge is different for different drugs. For example, cocaine’s enormous pleasure surge lasts for a short period of time, while the pleasure surge from marijuana, though not as intense, will last for many hours. The bad news is, the dopamine receptors can become overloaded and cannot metabolize all the dopamine the sender cells release. Over time, the dopamine levels in the brain cells are depleted—which takes time to replenish, and during this time, it’s practically impossible to feel pleasure. I want to note that drugs cause the release of many different neurotransmitters, such as serotonin (associated with mood swings), and GABA (associated with euphoria, impulsiveness). Norepinephrine has dual roles, one as a neurotransmitter and the other as a stress hormone. As a neurotransmitter it increases heart rate triggering the release of glucose needed to trigger the fight-or-
C a p i ta n L a r r y S m i t h
flight response. Others are listed on the following diagram. When we drink or use, it has a profound electrical and chemical effect on our brain. Alcohol and drugs slow brain activity and disrupts normal brain regulation. The excessive volume neurotransmitters released creates emotions and feelings that, when repeated, becomes familiar. Familiar repeated, in this context, becomes addictive, which simply stated, means “I Can’t Stop.” In spite of continuous negative consequences, or even intellectual awareness, “I am powerless” over my addiction.
The “ELECTRICAL” graphic, within the preceding illustration, deals with brain waves and activity levels. The brain usually is operating between .5 and 40 Hz (cycles per second). Our normal conscious state falls within the Beta ranges, 12 to 26. Other brain states are: • Sleeping—Delta .5 to 4 Hz Meditative —Theta 4 to 8 Hz Calm—Alpha 8 to 12 Hz • Landing a 747 on a short runway, in the dark of night, with high, gusty crosswinds and poor visibility, escalates your brain into the Gamma Levels, 26 to 40 Hz.
D a i ly L i f e P l a n J o u r n a l
In recovery, we strive for the brain to be calm and alert simultaneously. This is not the natural state for alcoholics and addicts. EEG Neurofeedback, a non-evasive, biofeedback technique addresses the issues of irregular brain waves. Irregular brain waves are usually the result of some sort of head trauma. This could be from a blow to the head, too many roller coaster rides or my favorite excuse, pulling 7Gs flying a jet fighter. It is known that people with irregular brain waves will display character defects ranging from rage attacks to extreme benevolent behavior. There are many studies on the effects addictive drugs have on the brain’s electrical activity. Besides neurotransmitters, other brain chemical molecules are also associated with addiction, such as: endogenous opioid polypeptides (endorphins), hormones and cannabinoids. Our brain normally releases endorphins, our body’s natural opiates, in regulated amounts for pain and stress relief. Of course, what occurs in the human brain is far more complex than illustrated here, however this diagram illustrates the progression that takes place from the initial event of using through the entire addictive process.
C a p i ta n L a r r y S m i t h
The hijacking takes place as millions of neurons, with tens of thousands of synaptic connections, fire simultaneously, releasing high volumes of dopamine and other neurotransmitters. Every hit, toke, line or drink re-fires the same chains of neurons. These chains are called neuropathways. The saying around “brain people” is “when they fire together they wire together”, meaning repeated use creates permanent addiction pathways in the brain. The illustration on the previous page, gives you a basic blueprint of the neural circuits in the brain that affects the addict’s decision-making abilities. You will find the location of each of these areas on the Human Brain Anatomy diagram (below).
The first area of the brain that drugs affect is the VTA. The Ventral Tegmental Area is a small, primitive area that is located in the bottom of the mid brain (the reward center). When drugs hit the brain the VTA is the first place that dopamine synthesizes, and a signal is sent to the nucleus accumbens. This area of the brain makes food taste better; music sound better, and most importantly, sex and drugs feel better. The nucleus accumbens, in turn, releases dopamine, serotonin, GABA, and endorphins. It then sends messages to the thalamus, which is the main relay connecting almost all the areas of the brain, from the cerebrum to the spinal cord.
D a i ly L i f e P l a n J o u r n a l
The thalamus relays signals to an area in the frontal lobe (blue) called the prefrontal cortex. This region of the brain houses our higher-level thinking, and is responsible for moderating social behaviors in humans. It does this by sending a signal to the mid brain (the reward center) to behave and act appropriately, in dealing with primitive desires. This signal is sent via the fasciculas retroflexus to the mid brain... but guess what?
hypothalamus, and the basal ganglia control heart rate, breathing, temperature, and are also affected negatively by the use of drugs. Wow... a little knowledge of what happens in the brain with addiction can be powerful yet frightening! Too bad the “Just Say NO” campaign, of the 1980’s, was so ineffective—and now we know why.
We all know humans love the familiar, Alcohol and drugs destroy the fasciculas rather it be, daily routines, addiction, retroflexus, thus causing the addict and negative thoughts, or habitual behaviors. the alcoholic to lose the ability to reason Just as we can become addicted to the and to exhibit good moral behavior. chemicals we ingest, we can also become The drug methamphetamine poses the obsessive compulsive in regards to our greatest danger to these elongated thoughts and feelings. You don’t have to tubular nerve fibers. While alcohol can be an alcoholic or an addict to experience take years to damage this area, crystal obsession with negative thoughts... just meth can practically destroy the fasciculas ask an Al-anon member. retroflexus in a single night of using. This With addiction, we create many very brain damage is why a meth addict can strong neuropathways and they’re not shoot a clerk while robbing a convenience going away. This is the reason that store, and at the time, feel no remorse. “once an addict always an addict.” The solution is to create new neuropathways It is known that alcohol actually reduces with totally new thoughts and behaviors. the brain activity in the prefrontal cortex, We do this by doing and thinking the which causes the intoxicated person UNFAMILIAR. to lose the ability to reason and make competent decisions. This is where the “60,000?” graphic, on the first diagram, comes into play. Sixty The VTA also sends signals to the thousand is the approximate number of amygdala, which regulates hormonal thoughts we have each day. The human secretion, and the hippocampus, which brain can store 10 trillion bites of memory. sends and retrieves messages to memory. Every thought has an electrical and The cerebellum (the part of our brain that chemical action in the brain. Thoughts controls mental/physical dexterity and that have emotional ties are more likely balance) sends out billions of signals to to make it into stored memory. There is nerves and muscles. Alcohol and drugs no specific area allocated for memory disrupt those signals causing the user in the brain, it is believed that memory to lose balance and motor skills. Other is stored in the area that generated the parts of the brain like medulla oblongata, original thought or emotion. As repeated
C a p i ta n L a r r y S m i t h
emotional thinking becomes familiar, we reinforce those neuropathways, just as with chemical addiction. This is why the family member, who “obsessively” thinks about the alcoholic or addict in their life, is also sick. The addict and the codependent must make drastic changes in their thinking, for healing to take place. In order to change years of addictive behavior and obsessive thinking, a connection of a “spiritual nature” will insure scientific results. That’s why “living in the present” is omnipotent in recovery.
constructive thinking and over analyzing. “Taking action” such as calling a sponsor, reaching out to newcomers and going to 12-step meetings must become second nature. The dilemma remains that our new way of life demands practice and repetition—always remembering that we have a formidable enemy... our very own brain’s wiring for addiction.
The good news is that we have 100 billion neurons—all with up to 100,000 possible synaptic connections, which means we have the potential to create almost unlimited new neuropathways. The more The fears that addicts and codependents the new pathways are used the stronger experience needs to be redirected. Twelve they become. The old neuropathways, step programs guide people away from although still there, are not as active and fear by advocating being of love and start to dissipate. service. This is a major change for those who have been living self-centered lives. Meditation has the opposite effect of Anyone who is addicted by nature is selfalcohol in the prefrontal cortex as at it centered, the booze and drugs demand it. increases overall brain activity. The frontal They are not bad people, only people who lobe actually increases in volume through have lost control to powerful substances this practice. and stinking thinking. These facts allow for the remission from the terminal disease of addiction. People in recovery can no longer afford By thoroughly following a disciplined self-pity and resentments and must strive program of recovery, planning your time to to develop an “attitude of gratitude.” accomplish self-enhancing behaviors and Although it doesn’t happen quickly, this constantly monitoring your progress, you new way of living actually creates healthy will become what Dr. Joseph Pursch refer neurological changes in the brain. The to as, “Weller than well.” practices of prayer, meditation, volunteer service, good nutrition and exercise are WORKBOOK ELEMENTS helpful in reclaiming our brains as they all The workbook part of the Daily Life Plan create new neuropathways. Journal (DLPJ) is divided into three areas: It is important for people in recovery to have the tools required to assess feelings, emotions and behaviors. Also, they must distinguish the difference between
1) Goal setting 2) Journaling with gauges 3) Monitoring your progress