Onion june

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June 2014

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Also inside:

Going Crackers about Alpacas

Meet motor racing legend John Surtees Baking Whoopee Noticeboard Win giveaway prizes


WEALDEN BUSINESS GROUP Business networking that is friendly, supportive, sociable – and a great return on investment Do you own or manage a business? Would you like more business referrals? Is the support of like-minded professionals important to you? If the answer to these three questions is ‘Yes’, then why not apply to join The Wealden Business Group. No hard sell, no pressure, but definitely a sound return on investment. In our current financial year, our 34 members are on track to exchange more than 700 business leads. We meet every Wednesday for a networking breakfast at The Little Silver Country Hotel, Tenterden. We’re friendly, supportive and sociable, with a curry club, golf days, regular outings and an annual charity fundraising drive. In the past three years we have raised almost £15,000 for good causes. Join us for an initial free breakfast by contacting secretary Dee Bateman on 07958 612937, email deebateman@hotmail.co.uk. Membership of WBG is limited to one member per profession or trade. Check out our website – www.wealden-business-group.co.uk - and if your trade or profession is not already represented, then we’d love to hear from you.

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I must start by thanking everyone who took the time to write, phone and email us about the first edition of The Onion; your kind and supportive words are much appreciated.

Advertising and Editorial:

01797 253668 Publication date: 1st of the month Entries for Noticeboard email: noticeboard@onionpublishing.co.uk To send editorial/advertising material email: carol@onionpublishing.co.uk For advertising sales enquiries email: sales@onionpublishing.co.uk www.onionmagazine.co.uk Twitter: @OnionMag1

The Onion magazine is published by Onion Publishing Limited The Studio at Friars Cote Farm, Crockers Lane, Northiam, East Sussex TN31 6PY. Editor & Publisher: Carol Farley Director & Publisher: Nicholas Farley Contributors: Caroline Boucher, Jessica Harding, Jack Hebden, Sally Russell Print: Polestar Stones Cover: The Lightfoot Alpacas Designed and produced for Onion Publishing Limited by Vantage Publishing Limited, Godalming, GU7 2AE.

June 2014

There are some amazingly talented and interesting people in our area, and it’s very exciting to meet some of them. This month we have been talking to John Surtees, a world motor racing star who is also very much a local. It’s his 80th birthday year. In complete contrast, I have been totally besotted by the really cute and docile alpacas which you see in the fields near Hawkhurst. These belong to Barbara and Graham Reed who talked to me about how a small hobby has turned into something much more important for them. Our regular features on gardening, food, books, walks competitions and other activities are all here too and don’t forget that one of the major reasons for publishing The Onion is to publicise local events – your local events. We are keen to publicise any event with which you are associated. So please let us know about your club, group or charity and we will try our hardest to make sure that your events, announcements and club nights are included at no charge in the ‘Noticeboard’ columns. Carol Farley Editor PS: Last month’s Sounding Off article was about unnecessary noise and it mentioned the irritating bleeping noise which reversing lorries make. Within two days one keen-eyed reader had spotted this truck in traffic in Bingley, West Yorkshire.

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© National Trust Images/National Trust. Registered Charity Number 205846.

Contents

Polesden Lacey

Noticeboard What’s on in your local community

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Baking Whoopee Learning to bake bread nr Bodiam

11 Local Boy Makes Good Motor racing legend John Surtees

House open daily

15 What an Alpaca Cracker

PLUS a new display in the private apartments of former owner Mrs Greville, reveals more about this intriguing society hostess...

20 A Good Book 26 Wacky Races

The house with its rich collection of art and stories provides a fascinating insight into the Edwardian era.

uncovering the stories

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01372 452048 nationaltrust.org.uk/polesdenlacey

Beth Wilson

Professional singer available for weddings, private and corporate events

The Lightfoot Alpacas

Crafts for boys and girls

29 Farmers’ Markets 30 Sounding Off 36 Terrific Terrine A great idea for National Picnic Week

39 Good Gadgets 40 Gardening 42 Eat The Avocet Gallery and Tea Room

44 Walk Benenden and Rolvenden

46 Business Cards Small ads for trades and services

47 Win Enter our giveaway competitions

Please call on 07940 736577 www.Bethwilsonmusic.co.uk 4

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The contents of this magazine are protected by copyright and nothing can be reprinted without prior permission of the publisher. The publisher has tried to ensure that all information is accurate but does not take any responsibility for any mistakes or omissions. We take no responsibility for advertisements printed in the magazine or loose inserts that might be delivered alongside it. © Onion Publishing Limited.

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OPEN GARDEN IN AID OF THE SARA LEE TRUST by kind permission of Rae Festing

Saturday 21st June 11 High Street Rye, East Sussex TN31 7JF 11am-4pm Free entry Refreshments and fundraising stalls kindly organized by The Friends of The Sara Lee Trust For further details – call 01424 456 608 visit:www.saraleetrust.org https://www.facebook.com/SaraLeeTrust https://twitter.com/saraleetrust Registered Charity No:1055048


Noticeboard... EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS … THINGS TO DO

Don’t forget to contact noticeboard@onionpublishing. co.uk about any events you want to promote. This is a free service for all local clubs, associations, societies and projects to make announcements and to tell people about your events. Perhaps you’re looking for volunteers, or more members, or have a great event you’ve organised. This is a regular feature of The Onion each month so do tell us about it and we’ll pass it on to everyone in these Noticeboard pages. Uncovering Bodiam’s Secret History Daily throughout June 10:30 to 16:00 Since its construction in 1385, Bodiam Castle has stood as a symbolic part of England’s history. It has survived sieges, two world wars and been a home, a fort, a film location and a tourist destination. Join the team at Bodiam to discover Bodiam’s medieval beginnings and explore some of its later history. Bodiam Castle, nr Robertsbridge, TN32 5UA. Telephone 01580 830196. Email bodiamcastle@ nationaltrust.org.uk, www.nationaltrust.org.uk/ bodiamcastle. Sand Sculpture Festival at Brighton Seafront Open daily until 28 September 10:30 to 17:30 From now until the end of September, visitors can experience the wonder of this magical art and will also have the chance to get involved. Sand sculpture workshops, live demonstrations, unique photo opportunities, a children’s sand pit, café, gift shop and much more will be on offer. This year the Festival will also welcome the Tremendous Tipi’s from OhSo Social. Look out for them arriving in June! Adult £4.50, concessions £4, children 15 and under £3, under 3s are free. Family

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ticket (2 adults and 2 children) £12. Madeira Drive, Black Rock site, Brighton, BN2 1DZ. For more information www. brightonsandsculpture.co.uk. The Iden & Frewen Educational Foundation - Northiam The Trustees will be considering applications for grants at their next meeting, to be held on 30 June. Cash grants are available for educational purposes to residents of Northiam who are under 25 years of age, undertaking further or higher education, an apprenticeship or equivalent, or sporting activities at county level. Applications may also be made by charitable organisations operating within the village, such as clubs, societies and institutions, which exist to promote educational, religious, physical or mental benefits for young people through their leisure-time activities. For more information and application forms please contact the Clerk to the Trustees. Applications by individuals must be made using the appropriate form. Email christinelcbrowning2gmail.com or telephone 01797 253254. Breeding Birds at the Rye Harbour Nature Reserve (2 miles) Sunday 1 June 16:00 to 18:30 Come and see how the breeding terns, gulls and waders are doing this year in their struggle to raise chicks. Meet at Rye Harbour car park.No booking necessary. Donations appreciated. www.sussexwildlifetrust.org.uk/whatson, email rhnroffice@sussexwt.org.uk, telephone 01797 227784.

YOUR COMMUNITY NOTICE BOARD IS FOR LOCAL EVENTS AND INFORMATION. TO FEATURE HERE, PLEASE EMAIL US AT NOTICEBOARD@ONIONPUBLISHING.CO.UK

Delivered by the Royal Mail to 22,873 local homes every month in Appledore, Benenden, Brede, Brightling, Broad Oak, Burwash, Camber, Cranbrook, Cripps Corner, Etchingham, Hawkhurst, Hurst Green, Icklesham, John’s Cross, Northiam, Peasmarsh, Robertsbridge, Rye, Salehurst, Sandhurst, Staplecross, Tenterden, Udimore, Winchelsea, Wittersham and surrounding villages. 6

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Baking whoopee Carol Farley takes a trip to the Lighthouse Bakery School for a one-day course in bread making. Take two inspired bakers, add six eager pupils and you’ve got the recipe for an incredibly fun day. Just a mere trebuchet throw from Bodiam Castle, deep in the East Sussex countryside, there are indeed two inspired and awardwinning bakers who run an independent artisan bakery. Elizabeth Weisberg and Rachel Duffield, who, after having won all sorts of plaudits and awards for their bakery and shop in Battersea, decided they’d had enough of London and the city life and so moved out to the country to run their small wholesale bakery, making delicious artisan bread, and to start a bakery school to inspire others to do the same – bake bread, that is, not start a bakery in Sussex. The Lighthouse Bakery (oddly named since the nearest water is in Bodiam’s moat) is run by Elizabeth and Rachel who, both having had careers in the arts – one in New York and the other in West Sussex - decided in the late 1990s that they needed to turn their passionate hobby into a business. So Elizabeth moved from New York to London and trained at the National Bakery School and then between them she and Rachel started their new baking venture. I had decided to take their Traditional British Baking course; they do many different one-day courses but that seemed most fitting for a day in the English countryside. 8

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The course is literally hands-on, as you’d expect really, and an exhausting morning followed; but guided by Elizabeth’s encouraging and informal, laid-back, American style and dry sense of humour, we moved comfortably from task to task, working strenuously at kneading, knocking back (that is, thumping very hard) and shaping dough to produce white rolls, wholemeal round loaves as well as the dough for the bloomers and cottage loaves which we were due to bake in the afternoon. Amazingly, while all we learners were stumbling about in the bakery getting in each other’s way, the lovely in-house baker, Tony, picked his way around us as he produced the bread to fulfil The Lighthouse’s commercial orders for the many local shops, hotels and delicatessens which they supply with their delicious spelt loaves, white loaves, rolls and chocolate bread plaits. After a very full morning all packed into what seemed like only five minutes it was time for lunch, and we had a marvellous English Ploughman’s lunch served in the bakery with Elizabeth and Rachel. We easily scoffed our way through all the rolls we had baked during the morning as well as all the various local Sussex cheeses they had laid on. The afternoon was another hard working, but hilarious, session consisting of weighing the ingredients, making the dough, and then shaping, assembling and cooking trays of English muffins, Chelsea buns, Yorkshire teacakes and Bara Brith (Welsh fruited, spiced bread). The aroma of fruit and spices was heady and heavenly.

On the day of the course, I and my five fellow pupils were greeted by Elizabeth and Rachel with delicious coffee and scrumptious, homemade biscuits and muffins. A good start. We were a mixed bunch of men and women comprising an hotel owner, a French chef, a woman who’d been bought a place on the course as a birthday gift, a young woman who was simply hoping to hone her skills, a retired chap who just loved bread, and me. After having been given our welcome packs, which included our Lighthouse Bakery School aprons, head baker Elizabeth, first gave us a short talk on how bread is made and what the key ingredients and processes are, before setting us our first task of making some white bread rolls which we were later going to eat for our lunch. June 2014

Finally the sun went down and sadly it was all over. We each staggered away with our aprons and an enormous box laden with all the delicious goodies we had made during a very full and fascinating day; we all agreed we’d learnt a lot; we’d certainly laughed a lot and for myself I can say that I have been inspired to bake my own bread and buns successfully at home, but I promised my husband I wouldn’t start a bakery. FIND OUT MORE

The Lighthouse Bakery School provides 11 different courses ranging from the Introduction to Bakery course, through to an Advanced Baking course, taking in French Baking, Italian Baking, European Baking, Jewish Baking, among others, along the way. Courses are held twice a week at their working bakery near to Bodiam Castle in East Sussex. Lighthouse Bakery, Ockham, Dagg Lane, Ewhurst Green, Robertsbridge, East Sussex TN32 5RD. Visit their website www.lighthousebakery.co.uk or telephone 01580 831271. They have also just opened a retail shop in Ticehurst: The Lighthouse Bakery, 28 High Street, Ticehurst, East Sussex TN5 7AS. 01580 201302. In addition to the bread, they are selling a range of sweet and savoury things as well as freshly made sandwiches with their own homemade fillings - in their own homemade bread of course.

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EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS ... THINGS TO DO <6 14>

Pub Quiz at The Vine Inn Sunday 1 June 20:30 to 22:30 Entry £1 per person. Teams of up to 6 people. The Vine Inn, High Street, Tenterden. Robbie Graham Exhibition at The Woolpack, Tenterden Monday 2 June to Wednesday 4 June Internationally acclaimed wildlife artist Robbie Graham’s work will be on display at The Woolpack in Tenterden. Wittersham Community Market and Post Office Tuesday 3 June 09:00 to 11:00 Fresh produce, bread, homemade cakes and savouries, vegetables, bird seed, plants, books, magazines, cards available. Contact the market coordinator 01797 270757. Tenterden Chamber of Commerce Networking event Tuesday 3 June 17:30 to 20:00 After work Chamber of Commerce informal networking evening. Stay for half an hour or much longer. Network with friends, colleagues and business associates. The CoC meets monthly on the first Tuesday of the month at different venues in and around Tenterden. This is a valuable opportunity to meet some of the 200 member businesses in Tenterden and the local area. Clubs and societies welcome, meet the business community. For further details please contact the networking coordinator Daniel Warren. Daniel@mintfreshservices.

OSTEOPATHY A lifestyle choice

co.uk. All members and potential new members are very welcome. Tenterden Lions Club Wednesday 4 June 19:00 Meet first Wednesday of every month at 7pm at the White Lion, Tenterden. New members welcome. Tenterden Lions Club – Serving the Community. Contact 0845 833 9842. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time at the Kino, Hawkhurst Wednesday 4 June 14:45 Following its smash-hit live broadcast in 2012, the National Theatre production returns to cinemas. Based on the acclaimed novel by Mark Haddon (his latest book is reviewed this month in our A Good Book column, Ed.), winner of 7 Olivier Awards in 2013 and starring Matthew Barker, Una Stubbs and Niamh Cusack. www.kinodigital. co.uk, Rye Road, Hawkhurst, TN128 4ET. Telephone 01580 754321. Wednesday is Quiz Night at The Caxton Wednesday 4 June 20:00 to 22:30 Fun pub quiz every Wednesday evening. £1 entry per person. The winning team (up to six people) has a chance to win a jackpot. Quiz special meal served at halfway stage for £5 or usual menu available. Booking advisable 01580 764417. William Caxton pub, Tenterden.

Bill Ferguson Osteopath Headaches are more common than Back Pain

01580 762754 Tenterden

www.billferguson.co.uk 10 The Onion magazine

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On the starting grid in the 1960s

LOCAL BOY MAKES GOOD!

Nick Farley talks to motor racing legend John Surtees John Surtees OBE is definitely ‘local boy made good’. Made very good, in fact. He truly is a World figure and yet he has always lived and been based in our small corner of that world. He was actually born in Tatsfield, which is just in Surrey but his business has been based in Kent at Edenbridge and it was at Brands Hatch that he first made his racing name. His office is still in Edenbridge and he still lives locally. If you are not interested in motor sport, or if you are but are of tender years, you may not know too much about him other than the endlesslyquoted fact that he is the only man to have won World Championships on two wheels and on four: for the record he actually won seven World titles on motorbikes between 1956 and 1960 and he was F1 World Champion driving a Ferrari in 1964. All of which is remarkable enough and a truly amazing achievement, and one which is unlikely ever to be repeated, but how about this: the very first car race he ever saw was one in which he was actually taking part; not only that, it was one in which he came second to Jim Clark! Moreover, it could be argued, June 2014

and I would certainly argue it, that had he been a little more prudent and perhaps a little less ‘emotional’ (his word, not mine) he would have won more F1 Championships. Perhaps because of ‘emotion’ he didn’t, as he put it to me “….. always find myself sitting in the best (F1)seat”. Right seat or not he’s had an incredible career in a dangerous sport. He celebrates his 80th birthday this year and that’s provided me with a jolly good reason to talk to him. I actually first met him in 1971 when I was working for The London Evening News which was sponsoring every race meeting of the season – cars and motorbikes – at Brands Hatch, and it was therefore decided that editorially we needed an expert who could talk knowledgably both about bikes and cars. Who fitted that description better than John Surtees? The fact that he also knew Brands Hatch about as well as he knew his own kitchen was a bonus. My role? I was the humble gobetween twixt him and the Evening News. The thing that I remember about him from that time was his single-mindedness, his determination and the breadth of his knowledge. Remember that by 1971 he had already been a top F1 driver for over ten years and he’d been World Champion in 1964, but not only was he still driving and winning in F1 cars in 1971, he was also designing and building his own Surtees F1 cars, and other racing cars, notably the championship winning F2 cars, at his Edenbridge factory. The Onion magazine 11


secure as the Number One driver for Ferrari, he had already won the Syracuse Grand Prix and the Belgian Grand Prix of that year and he was leading the World Championship when, on a matter of principle and because of ‘politics’, he walked out of Ferrari. Just imagine that. In that position he simply left Ferrari! Who else would have done that? Had he swallowed hard, bitten his tongue and stayed he would probably have been the F1 Champion again in 1966. But swallowing hard and biting the tongue are not Surtees traits, so off he went and drove the rest of the 1966 F1 season in a Cooper Maserati ending up with a couple of podium finishes and a win at the Mexican Grand Prix. That’s the determination bit. When I asked him about this he said “The most important person you’ve got to please is yourself. I got carried away with the emotional challenge. Walking out (on Ferrari) while I was leading the World Championship wasn’t what I planned.” Flying over Ballaugh Bridge in the Isle of Man TT 1957

Left: The new book published this month which will help fund the Foundation Right: John at the inauguration of the Air Ambulance blood transfusion service funded by the Henry Surtees Foundation

Let me give you a feel for what I mean about his ‘emotional’ responses, his occasional imprudence and his ever present determination: in 1964 he was the Ferrari Number One driver and he won the World Championship that year in a Ferrari. In 1965 he had numerous F1 podium positions for Ferrari, but he finished the year with a monumental racing accident in Canada which he was lucky to survive. Then, in 1966, still getting over the crash, he was living in Italy in a Ferrari apartment, he was 12 The Onion magazine

It’s clear when talking to him again after a gap of 43 years that nothing has changed: there’s still the same enthusiasm, the same drive and energy and the same humour but the proverbial spade is still going to be called a spade. Has he mellowed over the years? “I think I’m the same, but experience teaches you……one or two things I did in life were a bit too emotional.” One of the things which I admired about him all those years ago was his obvious enthusiasm for those race tracks which we mere spectators regarded as the ‘real’ race tracks; those spectacular tracks which were ultimately dropped from the championship calendar because they were deemed to be too dangerous; tracks such as the old 14 mile Nürburgring – his very first F1 victory was at the Nürburgring - and the old 9 mile Spa circuit as well as the 37 mile motorcycle Isle of Man TT circuit. Tracks which had indeed claimed many lives. These were tracks at which Surtees excelled. Thankfully the Isle of Man TT continues, although it is no longer part of the World Motorcycle Championships, and there are, of course, still F1 Grand Prix held at Spa and the Nürburgring, but those two tracks today are much shorter and tamer than onionmagazine.co.uk


they were in Surtees’s day. For example, in the mid-1950s, and that’s 60 years ago, his 500cc MV motorbike was achieving speeds of over 170mph along the old Masta Straight at Spa and I simply can’t imagine what that must have felt like on the bikes of that era, but he is glad to have been able to ride and drive on those dangerous circuits “I would have regretted missing the sheer thrill of riding and driving the old Spa circuit, the old Nürburgring and the Isle of Man”. It was in the Isle of Man that “I hit a cow….that was another experience!”. That’s one way of putting it I suppose. The cow apparently made a full recovery and fortunately John was unharmed too; only the bike suffered. However, the danger of motor sport is not something that Surtees has escaped: in 2009 his 18 year old son, Henry, was killed while racing at Brands Hatch when the wheel of another car came off and hit him. As a result of that tragic accident, and to commemorate Henry’s life, John started The Henry Surtees Foundation which, among other things, provides help and support for people with brain or physical injuries to return to community living. And last year, in partnership with the Kent, Surrey and Sussex Air Ambulance, and SERV (Service by Emergency Rider Volunteers) The Henry Surtees Foundation provided the Air Ambulance helicopters with blood transfusion equipment and also funded two Honda cars to transport blood in temperature controlled containers to the helicopter bases at Marden and Redhill. This valuable funding enables blood transfusions to be carried out at the scene of accidents rather than patients having to wait until they reach hospital before they get what may be a life-saving transfusion. In the first year 69 emergency transfusions were carried out. Raising funds for the Foundation’s continuing work is now the focus of John’s enthusiasm, drive and energy and in this year, his 80th birthday year, and the 50th anniversary of his F1 Championship year, he still has a very busy schedule of appearances to help raise money. A marvellous new book, a pictorial celebration of his amazing career, will be published this month and will raise further funds for the June 2014

In 2013 John was awarded the prestigious Segrave Trophy at The RAC Club in Pall Mall.

Foundation. (See panel.) He’s still driving his racing cars and riding his racing bikes at displays and exhibitions and he will be driving a 1964 Ferrari F1 car at the Goodwood Festival of Speed at the end of June. There are those who say he should be Sir John Surtees and there has long been a campaign to bring this about. I had to ask him what he thought about it and the embarrassed response was “...it’s up to others. If it happens it happens, but if it doesn’t it doesn’t”. Well in my opinion it’s a crying shame if it doesn’t. Henry Surtees Foundation: www.henrysurteesfoundation.com New Book: John Surtees: My Incredible Life on Two and Four Wheels. A pictorial history of Surtees’s racing life published by EVRO Publishing, 19 June 2014 Jacketed hardback • Price £50 • 304 pages • 295x240mm • ISBN 978 0 99282 092 Goodwood Festival of Speed: June 27th 28th 29th. John will be driving. Mercedes Benz World Brooklands: June 29th display of Surtees cars and bikes. The Onion magazine 13


EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS ... THINGS TO DO <10 18>

The South of England Show Thursday 5 June, Friday 6 June and Saturday 7 June 09:00 to 18:30 Best of British rural life mixed with the finest entertainment. Horticulture is the central feature of this year’s Show. Plus, watch the Shetland Pony Grand National. For a full list of events and exhibits visit www. seas.org.uk. Adults £20, Seniors/Students £18, Children aged 5-16 £7, Children under 6 Free, Family Ticket (2 adults, 2 children) £40. Free car parking. South of England Showground, Ardingly, West Sussex, RH17 6TL. Driving Miss Daisy at the Kino, Hawkhurst Thursday 5 June 15:30 A comedy drama play based on the 1989 film of the same name starring Angela Lansbury and James Earl Jones. The production was filmed at The Comedy Theatre, Melbourne and will feature a Q&A session with Angela Lansbury providing an insight into her motivations for doing the play and a look back at her incredible career in film and on the stage. www.kinodigital.co.uk, Rye Road, Hawkhurst, TN18 4ET. Telephone 01580 754321. South East Open Studios Friday 6 June to Sunday 22 June A choice of 300 artists to visit as part of one of the largest Open Studios events in England. With venues across Kent, East Sussex and the Surrey borders, the South East Open

Studios creates an opportunity to see behind the scenes of an artist’s workspace and to meet the artist in an informal atmosphere. We have oodles in our area and you can find more detailed information on www.seos-art.org. Golf Day at the London Beach Hotel Friday 6 June For the Tenterden & District Day Centre. Teams of 4, 9 holes inc lunch £30 per player. Contact 01580 762882. Quiet Riot at the Woolpack Barn, Tenterden Friday 6 June to Sunday 8 June The Quiet Riot returns taking over the Woolpack Barn in Tenterden. Quiet Riot is a sensational little acoustic festival to raise funds for the charity, Meningitis Now. You will be able to hear 34 acts over 3 days, all of whom are giving up their time to play for charity and to provide an allround good time. See Gig @The Woolpack, Tenterden on Facebook for details of who’s playing when. Showtimers present ‘Magical Musical Moments’ at Northiam Village Hall Friday 6 and Saturday 7 June at 19:45 An entertaining journey featuring songs and dances of more recent stage hits of London’s West End and Broadway, performed in Showtimers’ style rather than copying the originals. Features live music, mime and dance, along with a large helping of comedy. Licensed

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What an Alpaca Cracker By Carol Farley

When driving through Hawkhurst several years ago I became aware of some handsome woolly animals, which were very obviously not sheep, gazing at me rather haughtily from a field. They were, of course, alpacas - and I don’t know why I say “of course” because there is nothing very obvious about finding a herd of South American animals in Kent – anyway, we have all now become used to seeing them over the years and seeing them has become the norm. However, they have always seemed such attractive animals I wanted to find out more about them and how they came to be here. The Lightfoot Alpaca herd in Hawkhurst belongs to Graham and Barbara Reed. Alpacas have always appealed to Barbara and it was in 1997 that she finally took the plunge and bought her first breeding animals. The whole thing started out as Barbara and Graham “just getting a few animals because we liked them - we wanted a small hobby”. That hobby has now turned into 499 alpacas in Hawkhurst and another 100 over in North Chailey. Add to that their numerous chickens, an Irish Cob horse, sheep and twelve miniature Mediterranean donkeys and you realise that this has become quite some hobby, and this is as well as still being extremely involved in their very successful electrical business, Genalog, in Gills Green. Why alpacas? Well, as I found out, you only have to be around alpacas for a few minutes to be completely captivated by them. They are so docile and affectionate and are the most relaxed, calm, quiet and friendly animals I’ve ever known, and they’re bright animals too with similar intelligence to a horse. June 2014

Graham drove me to a paddock at one of the highest points of the Weald on a sunny but breezy day. It was beautiful and tranquil but all I could see was acre upon acre of empty grass field and fencing, then Graham let out an almighty whistle and whole lot of hilarious faces suddenly appeared over the hill and about forty male alpacas began to run gently towards us and nuzzle up to us like a pet dog would. The males and females are kept separately and later in a female field I was treated to the same sort of display with one of the females even deciding to lay down with her legs in the air. Barbara laughed at my amazed look and explained that the alpaca was actually sunbathing. Apparently they can suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder and they get a lot from the sun’s rays, so they are real sun-worshippers. I did wonder about the temperature in the UK as opposed to their native land of Peru, but apparently they can cope with plus 30⁰C degrees and minus 20⁰C degrees very well. The fleece keeps the heat from getting to the animal and at night regulates the temperature. In fact, as Graham explained “if we have snow it melts off the fields before it melts off the backs of the animals, it just sits there (on the alpaca’s back), there’s almost no heat loss (from the animal)”. The Onion magazine 15


The whole time I was talking to Graham and Barbara various little faces and rubbery lips nuzzled into my clothing, nibbled at my toggles and zip fasteners and generally tried to ingratiate themselves with me. These animals are very easy to love and are also very calming, and because of their calming influence Barbara has taken them to West View care home in Tenterden and even took one of the alpacas inside some of the rooms of people who were immobile or blind. One of the reasons for the animals’ calmness and friendliness is the way that the Reeds treat them: from when they are quite young they are cuddled and loved and become very used to human contact. I was also struck by the way in which Barbara and Graham farm because, despite it now being a business rather than just a few pets, the alpacas are treated as members of the family. For example, in a purely commercial venture they would be ‘removed’ when they were too old for breeding, but that doesn’t happen at Lightfoot where all the animals are kept until they die, indeed, they have still got some of the females that they started with back in 1997. Neither do Barbara and Graham expect their animals to breed every year - “We have enough breeding females without having to make them breed 16 The Onion magazine

every year, we like to give them a good life and a rest….(and eventually) a happy retirement.” Although originally used for food and for their fleeces in Peru the animals here are farmed only for their valuable fleeces and Lightfoot fleeces are particularly valued as they have very high yield rates of 90% plus; that means that a tonne of fibre will yield 90% or more of usable material for the buyer whereas a more normal figure might only be 60%. In a year Lightfoot produces about two metric tonnes of Grade 1 fibre (that’s roughly two good old British tons) and about 500kgs of Grade 2 fibre. The fleeces are sold all over the country, some in blocks of 250-300kgs to commercial mills, but individual buyers also value the quality of the Reed’s fleeces and one lady comes and selects the particular fleece she wants while it’s still being worn by its original four-legged owner. Another lady came from Scotland to buy just 30kgs of fleece but in the end crammed her car full of fleeces. onionmagazine.co.uk


Quality in everything Graham and Barbara do is paramount and is reflected in every aspect of their farm and their approach to their animals. The fields, paddocks, fences and animal sheds are all immaculately kept, and this is also a ‘closed herd’ “We pride ourselves on that fact” which means that you won’t find them at any county shows. This is to protect the health and well-being of the herd: alpacas are susceptible to TB apparently, and to foot and mouth disease. But Lightfoot is not just about alpacas, there are also twelve Mediterranean miniature donkeys which arrived five years ago and are almost as beguiling as the alpacas, and there are sheep and chickens too. The alpacas seem to deter the foxes so the chickens are able to run completely free and untroubled. June 2014

You can probably tell that I was totally smitten by everything I saw and instantly wanted to bring home alpacas and donkeys for our own paddock. Alpacas do make very good pets, they’re easy to look after, they’re affectionate and the fact that alpacas keep the foxes away would be a bonus as we have lost chickens in the past. Surprisingly, males are ideal as pets as they don’t fight even if you have several and they are much cheaper than females. This was the argument I used to try to persuade my husband – it didn’t work, but I’ll keep trying. I’ll try to reel him in by taking him along to the Lightfoot Alpacas Open Day on September 6th. Watch this space. FIND OUT MORE

Barbara and Graham Reed, Lightfoot Alpacas, Lightfoot Cottage, Slip Mill Road, Hawkhurst TN18 5AB. www.lightfootalpacas.co.uk. Contact Graham & Barbara tel: 07802 263589 The Lightfoot Alpacas Open Day will be held on 6th September this year. You will be able to meet and touch the animals. They might also have a new baby donkey by then too!

The Onion Magazine 17


EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS ... THINGS TO DO <14 22>

bar. E-tickets £8 (plus booking fee). Available from www. ticketsource.co.uk/showtimers or phone 01797 252918 for local collection (no booking fee). An introduction to Rye Harbour Nature Reserve (2.5 miles) Saturday 7 June 10:00 to 12noon The second in the series of introductory walks will take you through Castle Farm, past Camber Castle and into the birdwatching hide at Castle Water. Meet at Brede Lock. No booking necessary. Donations appreciated. www. sussexwildlifetrust.org.uk/whatson, email rhnroffice@ sussexwt.org.uk, telephone 01797 227784. Fete at the Rye Winchelsea & District Memorial Hospital Saturday 7 June 14:00 to 17:00 An inaugural, new-style Fete takes place at the hospital. There will be stalls, games and live music. Grand Raffle tickets will be on sale and lots more. Tenterden Business, Tourism and Community Fair Saturday 7 June at Tenterden Town Hall Promote your business, tourism business/organisation, or community group/event to local people and other businesses in the area, display your products and services. For more information visit the Tenterden Chamber of Commerce website www.tenterdentown.co.uk.

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International Classical Concert at Vinehall Pianists Martin Roscoe and Peter Donohoe Saturday 7 June 19:30 – with complimentary Pimms at 18:45 The final concert of the season. It is many years since Vinehall has had a piano duo and it will be a real treat to hear two most distinguished British pianists, Martin Roscoe and Peter Donohoe. They have chosen a programme featuring probably the greatest piece written for piano duet, Schubert’s F minor Fantasy, as well as works by Ravel, Dvorak, Debussy and Mozart. As usual, concertgoers will be welcome to picnic in the grounds before the concert. For full details/free mailing/tickets phone 01580 883092 or write to AG Whitehead, Vinehall School, Robertsbridge, East Sussex TN32 5JL. Email geoffreywhitehead@vinehallschool.com. Wardsbrook Concerts – Christiane Karg and Joseph Middleton Sunday 8 June 11:00 Christiane and Joseph have chosen to present songs that explore the European mindset at the turn of the 20th century. After opening with Nachruf by Schoeck she will sing four songs from Wolf’s characterful and direct Spanisches Liederbuch. Then Schönberg’s Op12 followed by five songs by Strauss. She completes her recital with two settings of Baudelaire texts by Debussy. Doors open at 11am. Guests enjoy a short and informal talk about the

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A GOOD Book

In this regular column we’ll be featuring books that we, and our reviewers, like. They may not necessarily be new books, but they’ll be fiction and non-fiction books that we have enjoyed. We’ll always include at least one children’s book in the selection each time. We’d love to hear your thoughts on anything you feel we should be reading and sharing with others.

Instructions for a Heatwave By Maggie O’Farrell Published in 2013 by Tinder Press ISBN: 978-0-7553-5879-3 Price: £7.99 Paperback Fiction

Maggie O’Farrell’s inspiration for this novel was geo-thermal – the recent eruption of the volcano in Iceland which covered most of Northern Europe in ash. The effect this had on society and day-to-day life was widespread and significant, reminding us that nature can at times render us powerless. The heatwave of 1976 provided a similar state of disruption and fear. It was the hottest Summer on record with a severe lack of rain, resulting in the Government declaring an official drought. This provides the background for the Riordan family to play out their jealousies and rivalry. Three very different adult children – the brother on the brink of divorce, trapped and frustrated in his teaching job, and two estranged sisters who have a mass of hangups and problems, both inherited and domestic – come together to deal with a family crisis and cope with their mother. Their father, for 20 The Onion Magazine

no apparent reason, has suddenly disappeared. The family is vulnerable, unhappy and unfulfilled and we follow the sniping and arguing as their past reveals some uncomfortable truths amongst the oppressive heat, which is a constant presence in all the unravelling of the facts. Maggie O’Farrell’s observation of family life is detailed and powerful. The characters may not be likeable but they feel very real and provide a strong storyline. An enjoyable and easy read, well-written, humorous (despite the above) and poignant. This was shortlisted for the Costa Book Awards in 2013. Reviewed by Sally Russell

The Tour de France The history, the legend, the riders. By Graeme Fife Published by Mainstream Publishing ISBN: 978-1-780-57625-1 Price: £14.99 Paperback Non-fiction

On Saturday July 5th The Tour de France starts in Yorkshire! So, if any of the incredible cycling success we Brits have had

in the last few years – umpteen Olympic Golds, several World Championships and two successive Tour de France wins – has made even the tiniest scintilla of a blip on your radar then you must get this book: “Tour de France, the history, the legend, the riders” by Graeme Fife. It is riveting. The Tour must be the most gruellingly difficult and cruel sporting event on the planet. It is three weeks of murderous mountain climbs, blistering heat, freezing cold, drenching rain and occasionally snow. Even on drugs, and there has been the odd druggy moment as we all know, but even on drugs you have to be beyond human just to ride The Tour, let alone to win it. This splendid book is the portal to this magnificent sporting spectacular. Here is the history of an event which began 111 years ago, and never mind the modern drugs scandals you simply can’t imagine the incredible hardship of those early races nor the amount of blatant cheating and skulduggery which went on in the past; here too are the tales of epic personal rivalries and the stories of some of the great riders of all time, Merckx, Coppi, Anquetil, Simpson et al. They’re all here and their stories will grip you to the very last syllable of the very last chapter, and the last chapter is the story of last year’s onionpublishing.co.uk


Tour, the 100th race, won by British rider, Chris Froome. Graeme Fife is a writer and broadcaster who has been an avid follower of The Tour for twenty five years. Above all he’s a keen cyclist himself and he has ridden all of the legendary cols and passes of The Tour. His encyclopaedic knowledge of the race together with his obvious love for it, have resulted in a super book about a superhuman event. Reviewed by Nick Farley

Colour Me Beautiful Expert guidance to help you feel confident and look great Revised edition published in 2014 ISBN: 978-0-600-62817-0 Price: £15.99 Paperback Non-fiction

This book is about real women. How real women with lumps, bumps, with the odd wrinkle and imperfection can make the best of their assets. It shows you how to give yourself a colour and style make-over and how properly to find the style and colour scheme (for make-up and clothes) that is, frankly, going to flatter you the most. But do beware, buying this book will make you seriously want to empty your wardrobe and head for the shops. What is so refreshing about this book is that it doesn’t portray stickthin models who clearly would be able to wear anything, it shows real people – tall people, short people, and people who stick out in the June 2014

places that real people stick out. It helps you assess your body shape and then tells you what clothing styles are going to enhance and flatter your shape. This book also gives you handy tips about organising your wardrobe, how to keep current, how to achieve the perfect packing and put together a travelling wardrobe. Perfect for a cathartic Summer clear-out. Reviewed by Carol Farley

The Red House Published in 2013 by Vintage ISBN: 978-0-099-57016-5 Price: £7.99 Paperback Non-fiction

Brother and sister, Angela and Richard, have seldom spoken over the past 20 years until meeting up at their mother’s funeral. They have little in common; Richard is a successful hospital consultant, Angela a frazzled, overweight despairing mother of three whose husband, Dominic, is a failed musician who works in a bookshop. ‘Bespoke or chain?’ asks Richard about the bookshop on the first night of the joint family holiday he has organised and paid for, renting the rambling red house on the Welsh borders. Richard has recently married glamorous divorcee, Louisa, and in the process acquired her sulky teenage daughter, Melissa. Four adults, four children, all very different and all, over the space of a week, behaving unpredictably as the inflexible

company gradually unravels. Haddon proved himself an adroit handler of human emotions with The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time and this clever book is just as absorbing. Reviewed by Caroline Boucher

Amazing Jobs Published in 2014 by Lonely Planet ISBN: 978-1-74321-919-5 Price: £9.99 Hardback Non-fiction For Children aged 5 and up

Each of the seven double page spreads in this fabulous book shows many people busying themselves at play and at work all around the world – there are gauchos in Argentina, vets in Central Africa, French police officers in Paris, sherpas on Mount Everest, rangers in Yellowstone Park in the USA, flying doctors in Australia and movie makers in Bombay. There are flaps with amusing pictorial jokes underneath, things to find and each page shows the appropriate national flag – and there’s a page of stickers at the back too. This is a really fun book for boys and girls with lots of really interesting things to find and look at. I loved the fact that the topic was different from the usual ‘animals’ or ‘countryside’ and the professions they chose were also different and intriguing. Definitely a book children will want to keep dipping in to. Reviewed by Carol Farley The Onion Magazine 21


EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS ... THINGS TO DO <18 24>

music, composer and singer before the concert. Coffee and tea will be served from 11am in the barn or garden before the performance. A two-course lunch with wine and coffee is included in the price of the ticket. Ticket price £75. Box office 01424 456377. www.wardsbrookconcerts. org.uk. Wardsbrook Farm, Wardsbrook Road, Ticehurst, TN5 7DR. Taste the best of ‘Produced in Kent’ at Biddenden Vineyards Sunday 8 June 11:00 to 16:00 Biddenden Vineyards’s annual food day. Free admission with donations being taken for the Kent Air Ambulance. An exciting opportunity to meet, taste and buy from the producers of a wide range of local products. With around 40 producers taking part, there will be food and drink to suit every taste, ranging from jams, chutneys and honeys, to beers, pies and cheese, as well as olives, game, liqueurs and more. Ploughman’s lunches will be available throughout the day, as well as refreshments. The vineyard will be open as usual offering tastings of the award-winning wines, ciders and juices, and also the chance to walk through the vineyards on a choice of routes. Biddenden Vineyards, Gribble Bridge Lane, Biddenden. Der Rosenkavalier at the Kino, Hawkhurst Sunday 8 June 16:30 Glyndebourne’s 80th anniversary season opens with Strauss’s Der Rosenkavalier, not seen at Glyndebourne

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since 1982, in a new staging by Richard Jones with the London Philharmonic Orchestra. Tara Erraught makes her role debut as Octavian, Kate Royal is Marschallin and Teodora Gheorghiu makes her Glyndebourne debut as Sophie. Sung in German with English supertitles. Running time approx. 240 minutes including one interval. www. kinodigital.co.uk, Rye Road, Hawkhurst, TN128 4ET. Telephone 01580 754321. Meadow Gardening at Great Dixter Monday 9 June 10:00 to 16:30 Head Gardener, Fergus Garrett, will lead this Study Day held at Great Dixter House and Gardens. Discover the secrets of meadow gardening using the marvellous Great Dixter meadows as an example. You will be taken through the process of creating your own meadow and maintaining it. Includes slides and talks in the Great Hall and practical sessions in the meadows. Refreshments and lunch are included and Great Dixter is offering a 10% discount on plant sales for attendees in the nursery on the day. £100 per person. To book contact Perry Rodriguez on 01797 253878 extn.3, or book online at www.greatdixter.co.uk. Roses, Raspberries and Radishes: A Celebration of Flowers and Fruits of the Garden From Tuesday 10 June and then every day until Penny ad_Layout 1 14/08/2012 Page 1 Saturday 21 June 11:00 to 17:00 at16:23 Pashley Manor Gardens

HOLIDAY HOME SOUTH OF FRANCE Comfortable village gite to let, sleeps 8, in picturesque Languedoc ‘Cathar Country’. Near castles, dramatic gorges, Carcassonne and Canal du Midi. Visit the website www.bugarachgite.co.uk Tel 01252 712233 or email penny.kitchen@btopenworld.com

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20mins from Lourdes and an ideal base for walking, cycling and exploring this beautiful region. Friendly, helpful hosts and delicious evening meals. Tel: 00 33 5 62 91 21 98 www.allezpyrenees.com 22 The Onion Magazine

Tel: 01872 501187

No answer? Leave us your number and we’re always happy to ring you back. Sorry, no pets & smoking onionpublishing.co.uk


‘The real taste of Italy’ Fabulous Italian deli and cafe serving delicious Italian food including panini, cakes and pastries. “My favourite coffee shop. Always something tasty and unusual on offer too”

Fabio’s Italian Cafe, 16 Stone Street, Cranbrook. Tel 01580 720555


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EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS ... THINGS TO DO

The gardens are spectacular all summer and it is in midJune that the fragrant, colour-themed plantings of roses and the Kitchen Garden, hidden within its soft pink brick walls, are at their best. Throughout these twelve days there will be the opportunity to: take a rose themed walk round the gardens with the Head Gardener; ask the Kitchen Gardener questions; buy a good selection of potted roses from twenty time Chelsea Gold Medal winner Peter Beales Roses, and see how produce from the garden is used in the café. www.pashleymanorgardens.com, email info@pashleymanorgardens.com, telephone 01580 200888. Brede WI Wednesday 11 June 14:00 Brede WI meets on the second Wednesday of each month at Brede Village Hall. There is a programme of interesting speakers and events throughout the year and we are always delighted to welcome guests and potential members. Just turn up to try us out and have a chat! For further information contact Beryl Jenkins on 01424 883475. Winchelsea during WWII by Peter Mackenzie-Smith Wednesday 11 June 14:30 A talk organised by the Winchelsea Second Wednesday Society, at the New Hall, Winchelsea. For details contact Richard Feast, telephone 01797 222629.

‘The Gardens of Impressionism’ – Rye & District National Trust Association Saturday 12 June 19:00 Talk by Martin Heard about Monet and other Impressionists, and painters of gardens. Rye Community Centre, Conduit Hill, Rye. Association members £2, Non-members £3. For more information contact Maggie Brown on 01580 764013. The Showstoppers Improvised Musical Thursday 12 June 19:45 The UK’s finest musical theatre improv group creating a unique and brand new fully-realised musical, with the assistance (and often mischievous influence) of the audience, each and every night. Tickets £10. Queen’s Hall Theatre, Cranbrook School, Waterloo Road, Cranbrook, TN17 3JD. Box Office and enquiries 01580 711856. Tenterden Golf Club Charity Golf Day in Aid of Pilgrims Hospices Friday 13 June 08:30 Charity golf day at Tenterden Golf Club. Tee times from 08:30. Teams of four: Stableford Competition. Several other competitions during the day. Plenty of prizes. Coffee and bacon rolls from 08:00 and delicious buffet lunch after your round. Price £40 per individual (£30 for Tenterden Golf Club Members). For application form and further information email Vicki Dodds doddsied@aol.com. All proceeds in aid of Pilgrims Hospices.

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EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS ... THINGS TO DO

Talk by Mr Robin Page of the Countryside Restoration Trust for the Tenterden & District Horticultural Society at Tenterden Town Hall Friday 13 June 19:30 Robin Page is the Founder and Chairman of The Conservation Restoration Trust. He will be talking about its aim of promoting wildlife, friendly farming and a living working countryside. The mission of the Trust is to protect the farmed countryside that we live in, its wildlife and its people. Admittance by ticket only. £5. Available from Mr Adrian Higgs 01580 762774 or Mrs Jan Page 01580 766521. Tenterden Town Hall, High Street, Tenterden. Annual CAMRA Real Ale & Cider Festival in Tenterden Friday 13 June 18:00 to 22:30 (quiet session – no music – ticket only) Saturday 14 June 11:00 to 22:30 (or until the beer runs out) Held at Tenterden Town Station, Station Road, Tenterden, this is a popular social event in the calendar. Visitors can try a diverse range of around 50 of the finest ales, ciders and perry in the beer tent whilst enjoying a varied mix of live music. This will all be complemented with a delicious selection of food from a BBQ or the Kent & East Sussex Railway station’s licensed refreshment room. The bands performing will include Atlantic Currants at 12noon and Porch Swing Blues at 2.30pm. Morris dancers will also be performing during the festival at around 5.30pm. A 20%

Join us!

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discount will apply to K&ESR fares for CAMRA members on production of a valid membership card. Entry to the event is by platform ticket £2 and is free to CAMRA members on production of a valid membership card. A full steam service will be running throughout the weekend. Craft Market at Highbury Hall, Tenterden Saturday 14 June 10:00 to 16:00 Held on the second Saturday of each month, Highbury Hall Craft Market offers a wide variety of crafts and produce from local artists, craftsmen, producers and retailers. All the stallholders are from Kent & East Sussex and offer something for everyone. Free admission. Refreshments, freshly made sandwiches, home-made cake and other treats are available all day. All profits from organising this event go to Tenterden Youth Club for the Youth Café Project. Kellys Keepsake Cards also donates 10% of all her sales to the Air Ambulance. For more details contact 07956 295076. Canterbury Cathedral Boys Choir at All Saints Parish Church, Woodchurch Saturday 14 June 19:00 to 20:30 A chance to hear the wonderful voices of the boys of Canterbury Cathedral led by Dr David Flood, Cathedral Director of Music. The concert will raise funds for the Canterbury Oast Trust, which is based in Woodchurch. The Trust provides homes, support, training and opportunities

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The Onion Magazine 25


Wacky Races

Things to make for and with boys (and girls)

After talking with John Surtees we were inspired to create our own racing car grid line up. Here’s how to hold your own Wacky Rally with your friends and race your fastest cars against each other. Use jam jar lids, juice and milk carton tops, cotton reels, buttons, old CDs or discs cut from card for the wheels and anything you like for the body. The Batmobile was made by taping straw axles to the bottom of a plastic drink bottle. Design a sign and a chequered flag and get set to go! Here’s how to make some of the cars on the grid …

Balloon Car

Use wind power to propel a junk car across the floor. The body of the car can be made from any kind of box - the trick is to angle the bendy straw upwards to keep the balloon off the floor. Remember, the car will go in the direction of the balloon. Tape two pieces of straw to the base of the matchbox. Cut two axles from wooden skewers a little wider than the box, push through the straw and fix a wheel on each end (as for the Elastic band car).

You will need: • Large match box or a small square of cardboard for the base • 2 drinking straws • Milk/juice carton lids • Wooden skewer • Balloon 26 The Onion Magazine

Cut the lip off the balloon and tape the balloon firmly to the bendy end of the straw. Bend the straw upwards and tape to the top of the box. Trim the other end of the straw leaving enough so you can blow through it to inflate the balloon. Decorate it if you like. Blow up the balloon, set the car on the ground and watch it go!

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Elastic Band Car You will need: • Sturdy cardboard tube, such as from a roll of foil • Drinking straw • Wooden skewers • Plastic lids for wheels • Glue • Thick elastic band • Plastic milk bottle to cut up for the nose and tail

s

Elastic bands have been silently powering thousands of junk cars across pavements and living rooms for decades. Once you’ve mastered the technology you can adapt it to your own vehicle design. Think of this one as a starting point. You’ll find lots of other ideas on the internet on makers’ forums. Although simple in design, it can be quite tricky to get these cars to run properly because if the axles aren’t straight, or the wheels aren’t fixed really securely to the axles, they won’t turn.

s

Make two holes at opposite ends of the cardboard tube and insert two short lengths of drinking straw. Push short lengths of a wooden skewer through the straws and attach wheels to each end. Plastic milk bottle and jar lids are good here. Put them on a wooden board and pierce the centre with a sharp skewer, knitting needle or nail. Then push on to the skewer. They should stay, but if not, glue with a blob of strong plastic model making glue. Push a third short skewer through the tube about three quarters of the way down. This should be really snug – you may want to glue it in place. Cut a thick elastic band into a long strip and tie one end to this skewer and one end to the back axle. You can experiment with a second elastic band on the other side too. To run your car, turn the back axle to wind the elastic tight, then put it on the ground and release.

FIND OUT MORE

This project is just one from the excellent book called ‘Boy Craft’ by Sara Duchars and Sarah Marks. Published by Frances Lincoln (www.franceslincoln.com). There are over 50 things to make and do. Some of it is quite American, but it’s crammed full of great explanatory drawings and photographs so is easy to use. Great fun. June 2014

The Onion Magazine 27


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THINGS TO DO...

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for over 150 adults with a learning disability. It also runs a number of social enterprises, including the Rare Breeds Centre in Woodchurch and Poulton Woodworks at Aldington, Ashford which offer work experience and training as well as creating an income for the charity. Wine and nibbles will be provided on the night. Adults £8, under 12s are free. Contact Margaret Hanlon on 01233 732684, email hanlon1@btinternet.com. ‘Drawn to the Page’ at the Jerwood Gallery Saturday 14 June 14:00 to 17:00 ‘Drawn to the Page’ is a special creative writing workshop which takes inspiration from art. Fun and revealing creative writing exercises in prose, poetry and autobiography will get you thinking and developing your own creative responses to the paintings and drawings on display. The workshop is £30 (including entrance to the gallery). The Jerwood Gallery, Rock-a-Nore Road, Hastings TN34 3DW. www.jerwoodgallery.org. Treat Dad to a Beer and a Vintage Steam Train ride on Father’s Day Sunday 15 June The Kent & East Sussex Railway has a memorable day planned for fathers which includes a return journey on one of the railway’s steam trains, with a choice of a generous home-made ploughmans lunch or a delicious afternoon cream tea. This will be served at your reserved table and includes a bottle of the railway’s own beer “Dad’s Delight” together with a K&ESR glass tankard. £26.50 for Fathers. The cost of food applies for the remainder of the party. There will be a choice of two trains from Tenterden Station for the Father’s Day treat leaving at 13.15 and 15.30. Perhaps visit The Mill Toy & Pedal Car Museum at Northiam Station. Visitors presenting a valid K&ESR ticket will be treated to £1 per person off the standard admission charge. Father’s Day Barbecue at Bodiam Castle Sunday 15 June 12noon to 14:00 Make your father feel like King of the Castle with this special Father’s Day barbecue outside the Wharf Tea Room. Bodiam Castle, nr Robertsbridge, TN32 5UA. Telephone 01580 830196. Email bodiamcastle@ nationaltrust.org.uk, www.nationaltrust.org.uk/ bodiamcastle. Father’s Day Lunch at Chartwell Sunday 15 June 12noon to 14:00 Treat your father, on his special day, to a delicious and traditional three-course set Sunday lunch in the Mulberry Room. Normal admission charges apply. £25 per adult, £19 per child. Booking essential on 01732 861161. Open Garden for NGS - Beauchamps, Udimore, TN31 6BY Sunday 15 June 14:00 to 18:00 The ¾ acre garden at Beauchamps is in a beautiful position. Half a mile down Float Lane from its junction with B2089, it offers extensive views across the lovely June 2014

Farmers’ Markets EVERY TUESDAY 09:00 to 11:00

Wittersham

Wittersham Village Hall, The Street EVERY WEDNESDAY 10:00 to 13:00

Rye

Strand Quay, Rye, East Sussex, TN31 7AY EVERY THURSDAY 09:00 to 12noon

Rolvenden

St Mary’s Church, Rolvenden, TN18 5PN Rolvenden Village Hall, Maytham Road, Rolvenden, TN17 4ND EVERY FRIDAY 10:00 to 12noon

Brede

Brede Village Hall, Cackle Street, Brede, East Sussex, TN31 6DX EVERY FRIDAY 07:00 to 15:30

Tenterden

Market Square, behind Savannah Coffee Shop, Tenterden & Tenterden High Street from 08:30 to 12noon FRIDAY 11 JUNE and FRIDAY 25 JUNE 10:00 to 15:30

Sissinghurst Castle

Sissinghurst Castle, Biddenden Road, Cranbrook, Kent, TN17 2AB SATURDAY 28 JUNE 9:30 to 13:00

Cranbrook

Vestry Hall, High Street, Cranbrook, TN17 3HF

The Onion Magazine 29


Soundingoff By Caroline Boucher

you consult the computer for a few difficult items which assures you they are in stock. They are, but in pink. Almost there, some small shelves elude you. ‘Oh they’re upstairs,’ says an assistant who has taken several minutes to locate. The colossal trolley doesn’t do upstairs, so the simplest solution is to check out, load into car and return. There is always a queue at the checkout, even for we smug self-scanners, but as you can barely lift your items you join the line for a person.

Let’s start at the beginning; the location. Obviously, for reasons of stringent economy, Ikea has to be situated on a ring road out of town. Usually a fierce dual carriageway inhabited by angry builders vans and lorries, you will miss the turning first time around and eventually arrive in a state of blind fury. Also, Satnav has a habit of dropping you at the back door, usually barred by a padlocked fence and requiring a U-turn and total renegotiation of the dual carriageway system. Because you have been before (let’s face it, we all go there at some point because it’s ridiculously cheap and annoyingly useful) you have attempted to minimise the pain by doing your homework. You have looked online; you have made a list; you have copied down serial numbers in the hope you can bypass the yellow brick road route, imposed on you to wind through every aspect of home furnishing, and can go directly to the warehouse. Above all, you have vowed to keep your temper, breathe deeply and just get through it. This resolve will be partially undermined by having to park in the overspill car park. You smile and walk purposefully to the door despite several near misses from cars so overloaded with flatpacks they can’t see to reverse. There are also crocodiles of people being shepherded in who have clearly booked for a day’s outing. The modern equivalent of the stately home? Who knew? So off you head to the warehouse – huge, cold, but with logically numbered racks that should provide what you need. Foolishly you have told a few friends you were coming so the list has got quite a lot longer. The warehouse trolley is industrial in size and weight and you sense all the osteopath’s recent hard work being undone. Grimly you locate, load and tick. Smugly 30 The Onion Magazine

Forty minutes later you re-enter the shop. Reasonably light of heart having done the worst of it you head upstairs for the elusive shelves. There is no shortcut. You have to follow the designated route, marvelling at the ingenuity of its inventor. And invariably you find another useful item as you do so – a candle, a throw, a loo brush holder; they’re all so much cheaper than anywhere else that you are obliged to purchase. And back to the checkout. This time to self-scanning. The end is in sight. Home beckons. But no… the loo brush won’t scan. An operative strolls over and informs you that it’s the demonstration model and not for sale. It takes a few moments for this ludicrous statement to sink in. There are at least 30 more brushes up there, but he is adamant. Controlling the urge to stuff the brush somewhere unseemly you purchase the rest of the items and run for the safety of car, home and tranquillity. If you would like to Sound Off about anything, then please feel free to do that here. This column is open to everyone to say what they like about anything, provided, of course, that they don’t break the law. We obviously won’t print anything that is libellous or that is in some other way illegal. It’s your opinions that we’re interested in. If you have something to say about anything at all, and if you can say it in about 500 words, then let us have it. We don’t have to agree with you, but if you have an interesting point of view we will print it. Send your piece to carol@ onionpublishing.co.uk. The article can appear with your name or anonymously, you can choose, but do make sure that you include your name and address when submitting your piece. onionpublishing.co.uk


EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS ... THINGS TO DO <29 32>

Brede Valley. The main garden features a wide range of trees, flowering shrubs and herbaceous plants, including fine specimens of Cornus controversa ‘Variegata’, Crinodendron hookerianum, Baptisia australis, and many other unusual plants. Shady paths through a small copse lead to a recently planted stumpery; and a very productive kitchen garden adjoins a small orchard, with apple, pear, mulberry, apricot and fan-trained plum trees. Entry £4.50, children free. Teas available, with home-baked cakes, and many home-propagated plants for sale.

cakes and pastries then you and your father are in for a surprise. Instead there is a hot mini Yorkshire pudding with gravy, posh fish finger roll, home-made mini pasty, a rustic sandwich and the ever popular Bateman’s classic cream tea, washed down with a good strong cup of tea. £14.99 a head and normal admission charges apply. Booking essential on 01435 882302.

Music at Sissinghurst Castle Sunday 15 June 13:00 to 15:00 Enjoy music from the East Grinstead Concert Band’s family-friendly repertoire with songs everyone will know whilst relaxing on the plain. Free event. Normal admission charges apply.

The Reduced Shakespeare Company at The Sinden Theatre, Tenterden Monday 16 June 19:30 The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (abridged) (revised). An irreverent, fast-paced romp through the Bard’s plays. The Complete Works of Shakespeare (abridged) was London’s longest-running comedy having clocked a very palpable nine years in London’s West End at the Criterion Theatre. Join these madcap men in tights as they weave their wicked way through all 37 plays in 97 minutes. All Shakespeare’s Comedies, Histories and Tragedies in one wild ride that will leave you breathless and helpless with laughter. “If you like Shakespeare you’ll love this show. If you hate Shakespeare you’ll love this show!” The Today Show. www.reducedshakespeare.com. The Sinden Theatre, Homewood School, Tenterden.

Father’s Day Hearty Tea at Bateman’s Sunday 15 June 14:30 to 16:30 If you imagine an afternoon tea at Bateman’s is just dainty

Tenterden Arty Crafty Club Tuesday 17 June 19:00 to 21:00 Calling all Crafters. Are you an avid crafter or are you

Father’s Fun Day with Fishing at Ightham Mote Sunday 15 June 11:00 to 16:00 A fun day for all the family with fishing in the moat and beer tasting. Those aged 12 and over need to bring a valid rod licence to take part in fishing. Normal admission charges apply. No booking needed.

June 2014

The Onion Magazine 31


<31

EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS .. THINGS TO DO

hoping to learn a craft? Join the Arty Crafty Club and enjoy an evening with like-minded people. Meet every third Tuesday of each month from 7-9pm. Tea, coffee and biscuits are provided. If you are interested please phone Patricia on 01580 762994. ‘War Shorts’ from Cranbrook Operatic and Dramatic Society Friday 20 June and Saturday 21 June Six Cranbrook locations. Six short performances on a theme of war. Check the website for details www. cranbrookods.org.uk. Or visit Ubertogs or telephone 01580 713887. New Design and Craft Fair at West Dean College, West Sussex Friday 20 June to Sunday 22 June A major new Design and Craft Fair is to take place in the grounds and workshops of West Dean College over three days this month as part of a collaboration between the College and the team behind the highly successful MADE London, MADE Brighton and Brighton Art Fair. This new event will include around 80 innovative and original makers and designers who will show and sell their work to the public, alongside hands-on taster workshops and demonstrations in contemporary art and craft run by the College. Visitors will be able to make a day of it with plenty of delicious food and drink options and free entry to the award-winning Gardens at West Dean. Early Bird booking £7.50 Adult. On the door £8.50 Adult. Taster

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workshops £8 (pre-book online) Ages 16 and over. 16 & 17 year olds must be accompanied by an adult. Children free entry. Visit www.westdean.org.uk/event to book online. Rye Castle Museum events Friday 20 June 09:30 to 15:00 & Friday 27 June 09:30 to 15:00 The Women and Children of Rye Project are holding a Family History workshop on the 20th and 27th June from 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. If you would like to book a space please call Tina Hall on 01797 229600 or email her on tina.hall@ryepartnership.org. A Family Drama Course will begin soon. Call Tina if you would like to join in. Other proposed courses are on Photography, DIY for Ladies, First Aid, Information Technology … possibilities for everyone! Courses depend on the interest expressed, so do register your wishes with Tina — no commitment required. Courses are organised jointly by Rye Partnership and South Coast College. For updates on courses see the Museum’s Facebook page. www.facebook.com/RyeCastleMuseum. Paint the Garden at Bateman’s Friday 20 June 10:00 to 16:00 Capture the colours and textures of this beautiful garden in watercolour with artist and tutor Julie King. £40. Book in advance. Telephone 01435 882302. Bateman’s, Burwash, Etchingham.

Owning a holiday home: one decision you’ll never regret! For many people, owning a holiday home by the sea can be the perfect way to make the most of their leisure time. You can escape to it anytime without having to pre-book, or you could spend weeks or even months in your beachside bolt-hole. An impossibly expensive dream? Not if you look at the amazing deals from one of Britain’s most respected park groups: Park Holidays UK. At their 10 parks in Kent and Sussex, prices for a preowned caravan holiday home, fully equipped and furnished, start from just £9,995 or a brand new model could be yours for under £20,000. With the increased demand for homes, Park Holidays UK now even offer spacious luxury

lodges at a number of their parks. A real home from home and a great place to stay. You’ll be getting the keys not just to an attractively designed modern second home. You’ll also be unlocking a leisure lifestyle you might not have thought possible. Your second home can also bring the family closer together if you choose a location near to where other members live. With such benefits on offer, it’s no wonder that many folk sell up their existing home, move to somewhere more manageable, and use the residue to buy a holiday caravan. In fact, Park Holidays UK can even help with this by arranging the quick sale of your current home with their Home Exchange programme. For more information call 0800 138 0477, or see the parks and properties currently available for sale at www.ParkHolidays.com ADVERTORIAL

32 The Onion Magazine

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EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS .. THINGS TO DO

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Northiam Midsummer Festival – Family Fun Day Saturday 21 June 11:00 to 21:00 Northiam Bonfire Society invites you to bring the whole family to the Playing Fields to enjoy a small Beer festival (come early for the best choice from 10 local beers), Craft Fair and stalls including two specialist plant nurseries, Fun Dog Show with 10 categories (registration from 11am), and funfair attractions, displays and demonstrations. The barbeque, bar and tea tent continue into the evening once the stalls and demonstrations finish at 4pm, with live music and Open Mic sessions until 9pm. Please register via the website: northiambonfiresociety.co.uk. Parking by kind permission of The Blue Cross. Birds and Moths for all ages Rye Harbour Reserve (2 miles) Saturday 21 June 10:00 to 12:30 A family event led by Lucy from the Sussex Wildlife Trust and Mark from the Sussex Ornithological Society who will introduce you to the moths and birds at Rye Harbour Nature Reserve. Take a look at the catch from last night as the moth trap is opened, and then head on over to Ternery Pool to see the nesting terns and gulls, and hopefully a few waders too. Meet at Rye Harbour car park. No booking necessary. Donations appreciated. www. sussexwildlifetrust.org.uk/whatson, email rhnroffice@ sussexwt.org.uk, telephone 01797 227784.

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Milton Jones - in Northiam Sunday 22 June 18:00. Gates open 16:00 Milton Jones brings an evening of music and laughter to the Playing Fields in Northiam in aid of St Mary’s Restoration Project, with jazz from Victoria Howarth and Milton’s own brand of hilarity. Tickets are £20 (under cover) and £5 (open air), and you are invited to picnic and ‘party in the park’ from 4pm. Tickets will be sold on a first-come basis from miltonatnorthiam@gmail.com or call 01797 253118. Teas and beer from Northiam’s Rother Valley Brewery will be on sale. Midsummer Gardens - Open Gardens Weekend in Playden Saturday 21 and Sunday 22 June Visit some pretty gardens in Playden and enjoy a stroll around the village. Refreshments of home-made cake and teas will be available. The start point is by the gate of St Michael’s Church, Playden. A stall by the gate will be selling plants, produce and preserves. One ticket costing £5 covers all gardens on both days. For further details telephone 01424 815247. Organised by The Friends of Playden Church. Summer Show at the Avocet Gallery Saturday 21 June 10:30 to 17:00 Lovely Summer-themed work, based on landscapes, wildlife and coasts. (For more about the Avocet Gallery & Tea Room see our ‘Eat’ column this month.) Avocet

THE ONION’S REVIEWING POLICY From time to time in the magazine we review places to eat, places to visit, things to see, books to read and, as in this issue, ‘Good Gadgets’. Our policy is to be at all times objective and to base the reviews on our own experience and not on press releases, advertising blurb or second-hand information. So, for example, we go to restaurants or pubs incognito and pay for our food and drink. It would be impossible to be objective if that were not the case. Opinions expressed about things are always based on our actual experiences. The one exception to this rule is books: we do receive free books from publishers, but we only include in ‘A Good Book’ those books which we can recommend. The other books which, in our view, are not a good read are simply not included. In other words, we think that there is no point in telling you not to visit a particular restaurant, or not to buy some gadget, or not to read a certain book. Rather, we prefer to tell you, in our opinion, or sometimes in the opinion of a trusted correspondent, where it is worth eating, what is worth reading and so on. When we have a bad experience it will simply go unreported. 34 The Onion Magazine

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Terrific Terrine Did you know that June 16th to 22nd is National Picnic Week? No, nor did I. But Summer is here and thoughts turn naturally to picnics or simply to eating in the garden, and perhaps like me you begin to dream about sitting in the sun eating a good hearty terrine with a fresh baguette and a glass of wine. If so, this is that terrine. (We’re celebrating National Picnic Week on our Competitions page with a great giveaway - see page 47, Ed.) Making your own terrine is pretty straightforward and it is so much nicer than the bought, ready-made stuff. This recipe will be enough to feed eight people generously. What you don’t use you can freeze.

Coarse Pork Terrine Ingredients A good dollop of butter 2 large shallots – that will be about 120 grms in total (Use onion if you like) 4 cloves of garlic A generous slug of brandy – about 5 tablespoons 1 kg of pork – it can be a mix of cuts, you don’t need to buy a joint 130 grms of chicken livers 130 grms of smoked bacon lardons 4 tablespoons of duck fat 1 medium egg 3 tablespoons of cream 4 teaspoons of salt A generous handful of breadcrumbs – just blitz any old bread you’ve got left over. Small bunch of coarsely chopped parsley Small bunch of coarsely chopped thyme 6 bay leaves

36 The Onion Magazine

1. First roughly chop the shallots and cook them gently in the butter in a pan. Squash the garlic cloves, or put them through a garlic press, and add them to the shallots in the pan. When the shallots are soft and transparent turn the heat off and add the brandy to the pan.

2. Prepare the pork for mincing by cutting it into manageable chunks, removing the sinewy bits and the skin as you go. Mince the pork, the chicken livers and the bacon lardons. The essence of this terrine is a certain country coarseness, as the title suggests, and I use our old Spong mincer onionpublishing.co.uk


on its coarsest setting to achieve this, but you can use an electric mincer or, I suppose, you could buy ready-minced meat if you prefer. But, I emphasise, you don’t want it too finely minced. 3. Then throw all this mince into a large bowl and add the duck fat. Do make sure that it is a large bowl because you will shortly be putting your hands in to mix it and there’s nothing worse than not having enough room in the bowl to enable you to get stuck into the job with some vigour. Everything ready to be mixed

The cooked terrine still in its water bath (bain marie)

4. Whisk the egg and the cream together with the salt and add this to the mix along with the shallots and brandy, the chopped parsley and thyme, and the breadcrumbs. Now dive in and mix all this together with your hands making sure that it is all really thoroughly incorporated. At this stage if you take a spoonful of the mixture and fry it you can try it to get some idea of whether you have seasoned it properly. 5. Arrange the bay leaves in the bottom of the dish in which you are going to cook the terrine. I use a non-stick loaf tin 13cm wide by 23cm long and 7cm deep, which is just about the right size for this amount of ingredients. The bay leaves in the bottom of the tin will form an attractive finishing touch on top of the terrine when it is turned out. Spoon the mixture carefully over the top of the leaves. Don’t fill to the top of the tin otherwise it will all come bubbling over when you cook it. 6. Put the tin into a large baking tray and fill that tray with water until it comes about halfway up the side of the loaf tin, or whatever dish you are using, and then put the whole lot into a pre-heated oven at 180⁰C and cook for 90 minutes.

Weight with a house brick and cool overnight

7. When cooked, remove the loaf tin from its water bath. Cover it with foil and put a weight on top – a house brick is ideal, even two, one on top of the other – and allow the terrine to cool down overnight. Place in the fridge for a couple of days and then it’s ready for the al fresco eating. The perfect accompaniment to a robust terrine is a good supply of little gherkins and the very best I have found over many years of searching are Opies cocktail gherkins which are certainly available from Jempsons, and elsewhere too I have no doubt, and Opies are a local-ish firm in Sittingbourne. I’m not waiting for National Picnic Week – the terrine’s ready and so am I.

June 2014

The Onion Magazine 37


EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS .. THINGS TO DO <34 43>

Gallery and Tea Room, Rye Harbour, TN31 7TY. www. avocetgalleryandtea.co.uk. Telephone 01797 223005. Wardsbrook Concert - Gyula Orendt and Axel Bauni Sunday 22 June 11:00 This will be Gyula’s recital debut in the UK. He has already made a name for himself in Berlin as a principal member of the Staatsoper where he regularly takes principal roles including Orfeo and Figaro in Il Barbiere di Siviglia. In his recital he has chosen to sing Gustav Mahler’s first song cycle. He follows this with Robert Schumann’s Liederkreis Op24 and completes his programme with songs by fellow Hungarians, Kodaly and Bartok. Doors open at 11am. Guests enjoy a short and informal talk about the music, composer and singer before the concert. Coffee and tea will be served from 11am in the barn or garden before the performance. A two-course lunch with wine and coffee is included in the price of the ticket. Ticket price £75. Box office 01424 456377. www.wardsbrookconcerts.org.uk. Wardsbrook Farm, Wardsbrook Road, Ticehurst, TN5 7DR. Kent Baby & Toddler Show Sunday 22 June 10:00 to 15:00 Up to 100 exhibitors showing everything for parents and young families. Plus expert advice, free activities and a packed stage programme with entertainment. Kent Event Centre, Kent Showground, Detling. www. kentbabyandtoddlershow.co.uk.

38 The Onion Magazine

Miniature Hurdle Making Workshop at Great Dixter Monday 23 June 10:00 to 16:00 Miniature hurdles, made to a traditional Sussex design, are used as plant supports in the borders at Great Dixter. Using a cleaving brake and shave horse, resident expert Simon Johnson will guide you through the steps needed to make your own hurdles using sweet chestnut from Great Dixter’s own coppiced woodland. The workshop includes homemade refreshments and a hearty lunch, and will take place at the Great Barn at Great Dixter. £100 per person, which includes two completed hurdles made by you. Places are limited to 6. To book contact Catherine Haydock, education@greatdixter.co.uk, telephone 01797 254048 or go online at www.greatdixter.co.uk. Discounted Rail Travel for the over 60s on the K&ESR Tuesday 24 to 26 June If you are over 60 you can travel by steam train on the Kent & East Sussex Railway for a special £10 all day unlimited travel rover ticket (usually £16) between the 24th and 26th June. The return journey from Tenterden to Bodiam takes around 1hr 45 minutes. Visitors can choose to pre-order a cream tea or ploughman’s lunch or, if you prefer to picnic, there is an alfresco lunch option and a pre-ordered picnic hamper can be ready to collect when you arrive at Tenterden station, complete with napkins, cutlery and condiments. For more information and train times visit www.kesr.org.uk or telephone 01580 765155.

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Good GADGETS Bosch Jet Washer I never thought that I‘d ever be writing a paean to a jet washer but here I am just about to do that. An early experience with a particularly nasty vicious little Kärcher rather soured my relationships with jet washers and it has taken a long time for me to get over it. Yes, yes I know that Kärcher are the brand leaders and perhaps mine was the black sheep of the Kärcher family, the exception to an otherwise perfect rule, I don’t know. Anyway, it was so unpleasant to use that we - it and me - finally had the row to end all rows and I chucked the wretched thing away. However, and despite that unsuccessful liaison, I could see that, in principle, jet washing would be a big help in all sorts of ways. Thus it was that I found myself buying another one: this time a Bosch – a Bosch AQ 3713 to be specific – and it’s good. Where the Bosch has been all becomes sweetness and light. So how did this come about? The thing that prompted me to buy again was the mountain of jobs that had been piling up for two or three years that I knew would be back-breaking and for which I knew a good jet washer would be ideal. But did good jet washers exist? That was the question. The jobs included, for example, cleaning the algae off the decking. Our decking was so slippery when it was wet

Before

that we held skating barbecues on wet Summer days. We had garden furniture so encrusted with lichen that even workmen in boiler suits preferred to stand rather than sit down to drink their coffee lest they damaged their clothes, and the stone terrace, like the decking, became lethally slippery when wet, the only difference being that it hurt slightly more when you fell on it. Since the chucking away of the Kärcher, a small fortune has been spent on completely useless proprietary products which purport to clean decking and furniture and stuff. They don’t work of course, but you already know that, I’m sure. What does the work is the huge amount of elbow grease needed to apply these useless quack remedies, but I’m not good at elbow grease which is why everything outside needed cleaning in the first place. Enter the Bosch AQ 37-13. This is one of the most satisfying gadgets to use that I have ever come across. It is practically effortless to use and it’s so, so effective. There’s no point in giving a detailed description of how it all works: it’s simple – you point it at something and it cleans it … instantly. We cleaned our 30ft by 10ft (roughly 3metres by 9metres) decking in about two and a half hours, whereas last year in two and a half hours we cleaned virtually none of it by vigorous scrubbing and then we had to lie down in a dark room for several days afterwards to recover. The before and after pictures say all that needs to be said about the wonderful work of the mighty Bosch.

After

Close-up on the back of a chair

All the existing jet washer owners are giving each other knowing looks now and raising their eyebrows wondering what all the fuss is about. That’s because they’ve always known about the virtues of jet washing, but I haven’t and I’m guessing that many of you haven’t either. So, I say now, go forth and jet wash and you’ll actually enjoy cleaning stuff. You’ll even go looking for more stuff to clean that doesn’t need cleaning. How bad can that be? And Bosch versus Kärcher? Well, you know where my money went, but what I’m trying to say is that a jet washer of some kind is really good and has a lot of uses. There is a wide range of sizes and I can only write about the one that I have, although I can’t imagine that you need anything bigger or more powerful for use at home. I could write another page about cleaning the cars and the undersides of mowers and motorbikes and ... but you get the picture, this is a good gadget.

Terrace steps June 2014

The Onion Magazine 39


JUNE GARDENING

By Jack Hebden June is the month when the books tell us to dig up the bulbs which have flowered in the Spring. I’m sure that no one bothers to dig up daffodils any more but there are still many people who certainly do dig up their tulips when the foliage has died down, and who then replant them in the Autumn. This, I think is (a) hard work and (b) a waste of time. I haven’t dug up a tulip bulb in years. Life is too short. There is no doubt that tulips do not ‘naturalise’ in the same way that daffodils do, and if left in the ground some tulips do not re-appear the following year, or appear only weakly or even ‘blind’. However, many varieties are very happy to be left in the ground and will go on flowering vigorously year after year with no effort on your part whatsoever. The trick is to find those varieties that will behave in this way. Which varieties are they? Well, I’m afraid that is a matter of ‘suck it and see’. It depends on the conditions in your garden. For example, Praestans Fusilier is a beautiful red tulip which is always being touted as one that will happily re-appear, but not in my garden. If I’m lucky a few will flower for two years, but that’s all. Over the years I have found other varieties which will ‘do’ in my garden and those varieties are re-ordered so that my in-ground stock of tulips continues to expand. Each year I experiment and try some new varieties and those that don’t like being left in the ground naturally disappear and are not re-ordered. 40 The Onion magazine

Later in the year, when we are all thinking about buying the bulbs to flower next Spring, I’ll name a few that have worked for me. The yellow tulips you see on this page, for example, have been flowering in the same plot in my garden for 10 years and they were planted by the house’s previous occupants, so they could have been there for 20 years or more. The point is they are still there and they are not dug up each season. What are they? I’ve no idea, but I wish I did know because I’d certainly get some more. June is the month when the weather can easily catch us out. In 1975, I remember, we even had snow at the beginning of June, and this was followed by a record drought which lasted right through until September of the following year. We are unlikely to get either snow or a record-breaking drought, but June is one of the dryer months and it’s also when the sun is at its height in the sky. We live in one of the driest parts of the country too, so don’t neglect watering at this time of year. Pay particular attention to plants in tubs; they dry out very quickly and need watering daily. Even if it rains onionmagazine.co.uk


both of which were showing signs of black spot as early as March. Coincidentally, I was looking at an old(ish) gardening book the other day and it said “…and continue weekly (my underlining) spraying against pests and diseases.” It was certainly accepted practice in the 1960s and 70s to spray anything and everything all the time, whereas today the ‘organic’ approach to gardening is deemed to be good and, I suppose, the corollary to that is that spraying with chemicals is bad. Well, I may not spray every week but I certainly do spray the roses a couple of times in the season and I shall be using a fungicide spray this month without any feelings of guilt. Left: The geraniums which survived the Winter and were flowering outside in mid-April. Above: Tulips which have been growing undisturbed in my garden for at least ten years. Below: If left untreated black spot will ruin this rose well before the end of the season.

it will probably not make much impact on your tubs and baskets. Tubs will need watering frequently throughout the Summer even if we get a spell of dull wet weather. It’s also about now that I might think about spraying roses with a fungicide to control black spot. I have already had to spray a couple of climbers – Golden Showers and Galway Bay – June 2014

We who spray are sometimes made to feel like pariahs by the Monty Dons of this world but we don’t have an army of BBC gardeners to look after our plots; we live in the real world and, frankly, without the odd squirt of fungicide or the judicious use of glyphosate weedkiller, I wouldn’t be able to maintain my garden and live a normal life.

Finally a bit of good news which shows that sometimes the lazy gardener prospers: my last year’s Summer tubs of geraniums didn’t get emptied and cleaned out at the end of the season, they just stayed around in a corner of the garden with ‘dead’ brown stumps of old geranium still in them all through the Winter and were a constant rebuke to me. Last Winter, however, although very wet was also very mild and before I finally got round to doing something about the unsightly geranium pots the ‘dead’ geraniums therein began to shoot. I fed them assiduously and lo and behold they thrived and were beginning to flower by early April and they all look as healthy as can be. Not something I’ll try every year but I’ll grab the bonus while the going’s good this year. The Onion magazine 41


EAT BY NICK FARLEY

The Avocet Gallery and Tea Room at Rye Harbour

A windy but sunny morning found us down at Rye Harbour at coffee time, and Rye Harbour at coffee time, or indeed at any old time, means a visit to The Avocet Gallery and Tea Room if at all possible. We intended to have just coffee and cake but the first thing that we saw as we walked in weakened our resolve: a small blackboard announced that fresh crab, landed that morning, was on the menu. Well, one thing led to another and as it was nearly lunchtime the coffee and newspapers morphed easily into a crab lunch. This was nothing elaborate; it was simply dressed crab served with beautiful fresh bread, home-made tartar sauce, green salad and dressing, and it was absolutely delicious. Fresh crab and these simple accompaniments make such an obvious dish, and as we all live close to the sea you would think that we’d be tripping over such meals all the time, but we aren’t, which is why the Avocet lunch was such a treat. I can’t promise that the Avocet will always have crab either; that depends on what has been caught locally. I can, however, promise that you will always be welcomed and well served by the owners, and they will always have wonderful home-made cakes and scones. They really are home-made too and are all made on the premises using local ingredients, some from their own garden, while the scrumptious bread comes from The Lighthouse Bakery, which you’ll find mentioned elsewhere in this issue. Naturally we followed our crab with an excellent rhubarb and ginger cake and more very good coffee. Under normal circumstances that would be enough for any tea room to get my vote but the Avocet bonus is its art: the place is simply heaving with super pictures, prints, photographs, jewel42 The Onion magazine

lery and other clever and attractive pieces. Some things are quite expensive but much is very inexpensive and as I write this I’m regretting not having bought a very simple little wooden boat ornament which caught my eye. It was made from a small piece of driftwood and it cost £16. Obviously, you don’t have to buy anything in order to eat there, other than the food, of course, but you do get the chance to see some really interesting art which alone will make your visit worthwhile, and they also have the best selection of cards I have seen locally – in fact the whole place could justify its existence as a card shop on its own. The only thing to remember before you go rushing off there is the opening times: they are open from Thursday to Sunday, 10.30am to 5pm. Avocet Gallery & Tea Room, Rye Harbour, East Sussex, TN31 7TY www.avocetgalleryandtea.co.uk Tel: 01797 223005 Summer Show: 21 June: Lovely Summerthemed work, based on landscapes, wildlife and coasts. Seaside Special: 13 September: Seabirds, sand dunes, sea glass and blue sea... masses of work inspired by Rye Bay. onionmagazine.co.uk


<38

EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS .. THINGS TO DO

Head Gardener Walk at Sissinghurst Castle Thursday 26 June 09:45 to 12noon Join Troy on an exclusive tour of the garden before it opens. Enjoy the chance to hear from the expert about the world famous garden and his future plans. Tea and cake included. Booking essential 0844 2491895. Suitable for Groups. Please dress warmly. Please meet by the garden gate. Supervised children are welcome. Price £25. Email sissinghurst@nationaltrust.org.uk. Pack up your Troubles: The Great War Weekend at Tenterden Station Saturday 28 June 10:00 to Sunday 29 June 17:00 Accordion music from Louise Denny and a packed programme for the weekend. For full details visit www. kesr.org.uk. ‘Bur-Fest 2014’ at The Bear Inn, Burwash Saturday 28 June 12noon to 17:30 (approx.) then 18:30 to 23:00 (approx.) Raising money for The Teenage Cancer Trust (South East) Appeal. Starting with the Pentacle Drummers drum troupe marching through Burwash High Street to the festival site, followed by The Skarlettos, Snakebyte, Railroad, XYZ and then Proud Mary, Foul Play and Pearl Handled Revolver during the evening session. Bur-Fest 2014 will be held in the fields over-looking the stunning Weald Valley behind The Bear Inn, the festival is limited to 499 people which will be strictly ticket only and available only through the Bur-Fest website. www.bur-fest.co.uk. Tenterden & District Horticultural Society ‘Summer Show’ Saturday 28 June 14:00 to 15:30 Extravaganza of show bench quality vegetables, flowers, floral art, cookery and children’s section. Small admission fee. Light refreshments available. Bring & Buy, raffle and plant sales. All are welcome. Tenterden Junior School, Recreation Ground Road, Tenterden. Wild Woodland Weekend Club Saturday 28 June 10:00 to 13:00 This month we are celebrating International Mud Day so please come dressed appropriately! Forest School activities for children aged 6 to 11 years, held in private woodland in Beckley. The Wild Things get together on the last Saturday of each month and activities may include campfire cooking, woodland crafts, games, den building. Parents/carers do not accompany children. Meet at Swallowtail Hill Farm, Hobbs Lane, Beckley TN31 6TT. Booking is essential. Charge £10 per child. www. sussexwildlifetrust.org.uk/whatson, email rhnroffice@ sussexwt.org.uk, telephone 01797 227784. Teddy Bear Parachute Jump from the Church Tower Sunday 29 June from 14:00 at St George’s Church Brede Bring your teddy bear or other intrepid cuddly toy and it will be able to leap from the church tower (wearing a parachute, of course). Tea, cake and games will be available. Great fun for children and adults (and bears). Enquiries telephone 01424 882549. June 2014

Trapping Sharks, Tigers and Elephants! at Rye Harbour Nature Reserve Sunday 29 June 10:00 A chance to see some of the moths which occur on the reserve as Chris, the warden, opens up the moth trap to look at last night’s catch. Meet at Lime Kiln Cottage Information Centre. Wheelchair accessible. No booking necessary. Donations appreciated. www. sussexwildlifetrust.org.uk/whatson, email rhnroffice@ sussexwt.org.uk, telephone 01797 227784. Classic Motorcycle Show & Motorbike Jumble, Hamstreet Sunday 29 June 10:00 Hamstreet, nr Ashford, Kent, TN26 2JD (A2070). For more information contact Elk Promotions 01797 344277, www. elk-promotions.co.uk. ‘Songs of the Great War’ in Etchingham Church Sunday 29 June 15:00 The Etchingham Singers, conductor Mary Barnes, Musical Director Courtney Kenny invite you to ‘Pack Up Your Troubles’ and take ‘A Long, Long Trail A-winding’ to ‘Keep the Home Fires Burning’. Admission and afternoon tea free – but there will be a Retiring Collection in aid of The Royal British Legion. Summer Plant, Garden and Produce Fair at Pashley Manor Gardens Sunday 29 June 10:00 to 17:00 Selected nurseries, garden-related companies and local food and drink producers will be exhibiting, including suppliers specialising in unusual plants as well as a wide range of perennials, shrubs, bedding plants, vegetable plants, herbs and more. Special entry price of £8 includes entry to the fair and gardens. www.pashleymanorgardens.com, email info@ pashleymanorgardens.com, telephone 01580 200888. Kent Life Heritage Farm Park is holding a Vintage Vehicle Show on Sunday July 20 and they would like to hear from you if you have a classic or vintage vehicle that you’d like to take along. You can download a booking form from their website: www.kentlife.org.uk. Kent Life Heritage Farm Park, Lock Lane, off junction 6 of the M20. Telephone 01622 763936. Tenterden 365 – a year of pictures from the community Take part in a community photographic project designed to record a year in the life of Tenterden during 2014 with 365 photographs, one for each day of the year. There will be as few rules as possible so ANYONE, of ANY age can take pictures of just about ANY subject and with ANY type of equipment. The subject must be in or around Tenterden. Tenterden 365 is a ‘Not for Profit’ project run by Stuart Kirk of Tenterden Photography. Telephone 01580 764899, email stuart@Tenterden365.co.uk, www.tenterden365.co.uk. The Kent Show at the Kent Showground Friday 11, Saturday 12 and Sunday 13 July See competition for free tickets on page 47. The Onion magazine 43


Benenden and Rolvenden Following the High Weald Landscape Trail, this peaceful rural ramble explores gently rolling countryside between the classic Wealden villages of Benenden and Rolvenden. Set on a high spot of the Weald, Benenden is notable for its glorious village green, old timbered houses, chestnut trees, a cricket pitch and a great pub. In Rolvenden allow time to visit the 14th century church (which contains a curious upstairs pew originally meant for the Lord of the Manor) and the quirky CM Booth Motor Museum on the High Street. The walk Starting in Benenden Village Hall car park (GPS waypoint TQ 810 328). Turn left out of the car park, pass The Bull pub and turn left beside the green. Pass the church lychgate, take the track ahead and bear left around the churchyard. At a fork, take the narrow path on the left and walk downhill to the road. Keep to the left verge and climb a stile beyond the drive to Woodside. Bear half-right across the field to the end of the hedgerow ahead, then walk down the left-hand edge to a footbridge and gate and enter Iden Green Wood. Walk through the coppiced woodland, keeping left on merging with another path and follow it down to a stile. Exit the trees, the now fenced path leading to a stile and lane (TQ 814 315). Turn left along the quiet lane, soon to bear right at a junction by nurseries, then left at a fork to join a dead-end lane. Soon after the tarmac ends at Dingleden Farm, fork left along the grassy track to pass a tennis court, the track eventually narrowing to reach a stile and gate. Bear diagonally left to where the line of trees ends ahead and follow the right-hand field edge to a stile. Pass through a band of trees, cross a stile and turn left along the edge of an orchard. Go through a gap in the far left-hand corner to follow the marked path along the right-hand edge of the next orchard to a gate. Follow the right-hand field edge to another gate and a lane (TQ 831 311). Go through the gate opposite, bear half-left towards a lone tree and a bear right after it to drop down beside woodland to a stile. Cross a plank bridge, ascend through trees to another stile and follow the right-hand field edge ahead, with Rolvenden Windmill soon coming into view away to your left. This fine old post mill, considered the oldest in Kent, was 44 The Onion magazine

restored in 1956. Cross a stile, pass through the gate ahead and bear diagonally left to locate a stile in the field corner, between a corrugated barn and Rolvenden church tower. Head towards the church, crossing two fields, then walk along the right-hand field edge, soon to bear right through trees on nearing houses to reach a recreation ground. Keep left to a gate and the A28 in Rolvenden (TQ 844 312). Turn left along the pavement and then turn left at the junction with the B2086. Cross the road, pass the Bull Inn and take the bridleway between the pub car park and a barn. Head north along the hedged track, pass through two gates and descend steeply along the field edge, with views across Hole Park, to reach a gate and woodland. Turn right, then fork left in a few paces to cross a footbridge and climb steeply to a gate. Walk straight on, then head across the field when the woodland to your right ends, to locate a concrete track to the left of Rawlinson Farm. Follow it right, around the farmhouse and turn left just beyond the oast house to pass close to a pond to reach a stile (TQ 839 326). Walk down the right-hand field edge, climb a stile and bear left down the field edge into woodland. Cross two bridges, go up onionmagazine.co.uk


steps and enter a small plantation. Go left at the fence ahead, cross a stile on the right and bear diagonally left across the field to join a track by trees in the field corner. In a few steps, follow the path right uphill beside the trees, bearing left before turning right along a track to a tarmac farm road by Maplesden Farm. Turn left and follow it to the lane. Turn right, then left across the stile in a few paces and walk down the right-hand field edge to cross the left-hand stile in the field corner at woodland. Cross the footbridge in the valley bottom, then climb through the field ahead to a waymarked gate. Continue uphill to locate a stile just to the right of a pond. Cut across the corner of the field to an oak tree and then follow the left-hand field edge to go through double gates to the left of a barn. Turn left at the farm road by Pagehurst Cottage, the tarmac lane giving way to a hedged track at an oast house (TQ 827 336). Keep to a wide track as it wends west, passing woodland and ponds on the left, to reach a junction of tracks. Turn left and remain on this track as it curves right through the wooded valley to eventually reach a lane below a cottage. Turn left and follow the road back into Benenden.

DISTANCE: 7 miles (11.2km) OS MAPS: Landranger 188 (Maidstone & Royal Tunbridge Wells), Explorer 125 (Romney Marsh, Rye and Winchelsea) ROUTE TERRAIN: Field paths, woodland trails, quiet country lanes. STARTING POINT: Benenden Village Hall car park. Image above: The path behind Benenden church.

This is Walk 15 from the Pathfinder Guides No.8: Kent Walks book, published by Crimson Publishing (www. crimsonpublishing.co.uk). OS maps available (Landranger 188; Explorer 125).

Neither the publisher nor the author can accept any responsibility for any changes, errors or omissions in this route. Diversion orders can be made and permissions withdrawn at any time.

June 2014

The Onion magazine 45


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WIN WIN! WE HAVE THREE FAMILY TICKETS (TWO ADULTS AND TWO CHILDREN) WORTH £45 EACH FOR A DAY AT THE KENT COUNTY SHOW 2014 TO GIVE AWAY.

This year the Kent County Show is on 11, 12 and 13 July at the Kent Showground (postcode ME14 3JF) The Kent County Show is the region’s showcase event for farming, countryside and rural life. The three day show brings together the very best of Kent with animals, food, fun and excitement giving a true feel of what The Garden of England has to offer. Experience the Flower Show, Food Tent, Creative Crafts Show, Canine area, show jumping, vintage vehicles and hundreds of cattle, sheep and goats. New for 2014, the Husqvarna 25m UK Pole Climbing Championships. Marvel at the speed the climbers can race up to the top of these impressive trees. Meet Titan the Robot, watch the motorcycle stunt team and listen to the Band of the Corps of the Royal Engineers. There really is something for everyone. www.kentshowground.co.uk .Ticket hotline: 01622 633060. For a chance to win a family ticket to the Kent Show please send your name and address/ email address to competition@onionpublishing.co.uk with Kent Show in the subject line. Winners will be drawn and notified after the closing date. The closing date is 23rd June 2014.

WIN! A SISTEMA PICNIC RANGE SELECTION To celebrate National Picnic Week (16th - 22nd June 2014) we have one prize of a selection of Sistema’s TO GO range worth about £45 to give away (see picture). The range includes two special salad lunchboxes, both featuring a little pot for the dressing and neatly stored cutlery. One is ideal for hot days as it has an in-built ice brick (Chill It To Go) and the other one benefits from three compartments to keep ingredients separate (Salad To Go). New this year is a range of small containers for transporting delicious little appetisers and snacks, dressings, sauces or seasoning for your picnic. The Sistema food storage solutions are made in New Zealand (not China!) from BPA free material and are dishwasher, freezer and microwave safe. They are widely available including from Steamer Trading, John Lewis, Lakeland, online at Amazon. To see the whole Sistema range please visit www. sistemaplastics.com. For a chance to win, please send your name and address/ email address to competition@onionpublishing.co.uk. Winners will be drawn and notified after the closing date. The closing date is 23rd June 2014.

WIN! WE’VE THREE COPIES OF THE GREAT WAR: A PICTORIAL HISTORY TO GIVE AWAY. The Great War is much in the news and will remain so during the 100-year anniversary period to 2018. After 100 years it seems unlikely that there is anything new to say about this disastrous conflict which shaped the 20th century, however, reading this book from Atlantic Publishing supports the view that a picture is worth a thousand words. Combining historic photographs and daily reports from the newspapers of the time, the book brings home the realities of World War One - of cheerful bravery, devastating injury and death and the grinding attrition of trench warfare. The Great War (Atlantic Publishing, £8.99) www. atlanticpublishing.co.uk. For a chance to win a copy, please send your name and address/email address to competition@onionpublishing. co.uk. Winners will be drawn and notified after the closing date. The closing date is 23rd June 2014.

Please enter as directed above. Postal entries can also be sent to us at the address given on page three.

TERMS & CONDITIONS OF ENTRY: By entering these competitions you agree to receive periodic emails from The Onion magazine, Onion Publishing Ltd and the originator of the competition you are entering. You can opt out of receiving these at any time and your data will never be passed on for use by third parties. The prizes are non-transferable and have no cash alternative. Only one entry per person per competition and prizes will only be sent to homes with a TN postcode.



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