January 2015
A REAL COWBOY’S TALE INSIDE: KEEPING CHICKENS IN THE GARDEN THINGS TO DO IN SNOW
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Enjoy a great night out for a great cause Wealden Business Group Annual Charity Dinner Saturday 31st January 2015 Little Silver Country Hotel, Tenterden In aid of Pestalozzi International
Champagne reception Superb four course meal Fabulous auction and tombola prizes The sweet sounds of X Factor singer Beth Wilson Legends Disco Only £40 a head or £400 for a table of 10 A night to remember and a chance to support bright young people from the world’s poorest countries To reserve your tickets, simply email your details to suekimber61@hotmail.com | Black tie | 6.45 for 7.30pm, | carriages midnight |
Inspiring young people to make a difference in the world
www.pestalozzi.org.uk
WEALDEN BUSINESS GROUP www.wealden-business-group.co.uk
As soon as last month’s magazine came out we were hit with phone calls from people wanting to know where The Potato Shop was; stupidly we had omitted the address from the article about potatoes. (See below.) I am sorry and I hope that you all still managed to get your Mayan Gold in time to wow the family on Christmas Day with these super roast potatoes. Advertising and Editorial:
01797 253668 Publication date: 1st of the month Entries for Noticeboard email: noticeboard@onionpublishing.co.uk To send editorial/advertising material email: carol@onionpublishing.co.uk For advertising sales enquiries email: sales@onionpublishing.co.uk www.onionmagazine.co.uk Twitter: @OnionMag1
The Onion magazine is published by Onion Publishing Limited The Studio at Friars Cote Farm, Crockers Lane, Northiam, East Sussex TN31 6PY. Editor & Publisher: Carol Farley Director & Publisher: Nicholas Farley Contributors: Caroline Boucher, Jessica Harding, Jack Hebden, Jo Jenkinson, William Wood Print: Buxton Press Cover: Barn owl in the snow © Mia McPherson, On The Wing Photography
This month we have the story of another of those really interesting people who live around here. It seems that behind every front door in the area there is a truly amazing story, but even I didn’t expect to find a real live cowboy living in our midst, but we do – see page 12. You’ll notice this month that we now have a Readers’ Letters page. We receive many letters and emails each month and we have been asked why we don’t have a letters page – a question to which, I realise, there is no good answer. So, now there is. Please write or email me with your views about anything - carol@onionpublishing.co.uk.. Christmas, which seemed to be racing towards us from about September, has suddenly whooshed by and it’s ‘next year’ already. Our first Onion Christmas has come and gone and in the coming year I am looking forward to seeing the magazine develop and grow. Our first eight months have been exciting, and not without the odd hitch, but we have been really buoyed by the encouraging comments which we have received from so many readers and advertisers. Thank you for your support and encouragement and we hope that you all have a happy, healthy and successful 2015. Carol Farley, Editor The Potato Shop, Morghew Park Estate, Smallhythe Road, Tenterden, TN30 7LR. Tel 01580 763158, email potatoshop@morghew.com
COMPETITION WINNERS The Onion’s November giveaway/competition winners Coole Swan Liqueur: V Graver, Robertsbridge P Walters, Hawkhurst K Wootton, Iden Galt Toys Barn: C Bodle, Tenterden T Roberts, Broad Oak C Rutherford, Salehurst
Orofluido Hair Mousse: S Elliott, Hawkhurst B Finbow, Robertsbridge R Harrow, Rye C Phelps, Northiam G Procter, Udimore
Designed and produced for Onion Publishing Limited by Vantage Publishing Limited, Godalming, GU7 2AE.
January 2015
The Onion Magazine
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SWEET CHARITY
TODS Presents
Book by Neil Simon Music by Cy Coleman Lyric by Dorothy Fields www.onionmagazine.co.uk Based on an original screenplay by Federico Fellini, Tullio Pinelli and Ennio Flaiano Produced for the Broadway stage by: Fryer, Carr and Harris Conceived, Staged and Choreographed by Bob Fosse
Contents
You can’t fault a girl for trying, but Charity
5 Hope NotiValentine ceboard might be guilty of trying too What’s on in your local community hard to find the perfect man, whilst singing
6 and Things to dowith in Snow dancing her girl friends in a Times 8
Sounding Off Square Dance Hall.
Iters hasto many well know songs including; 10 Lett the editor
Directed by Jack Davidson TENTERDEN TOWN HALL Wed 28 to Sat 31 Jan. 2015 at 7:30pm Matinée Sat at 2:30 pm An Amateur Production by arrangement with MusicScope and Stage Musicals Limited of New York
SWEET CHARITY
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Book by Neil Simon Music by Cy Coleman Lyric by Dorothy Fields Based on an original screenplay by Federico Fellini, Tullio Pinelli and Ennio Flaiano Produced for the Broadway stage by: Fryer, Carr and Harris Conceived, Staged and Choreographed by Bob Fosse
You can’t fault a girl for trying, but Charity Hope Valentine might be guilty of trying too hard to find the perfect man, whilst singing and dancing with her girl friends in a Times Square Dance Hall.
biglife spender’ ‘If–my friends could see 12‘Hey The of Brian a real cowboy’s taleme now’ ‘ There’s got to be something better than this’ and 18 Cock-a-Hoop! Rhythm Life’ Keeping a few ‘The chickens in the of garden
£10the & £9 (U. colour 18s £8 & makes £7) 20 What TICKETS a difference right 22 PlantSnapp On line from www.tods.me.uk A new way to help you identify plants
24 26 28
ABox GoodOffice Book Smith’s (after 6 Dec. ‘14) 16 High Street Tenterden (Next to Viyella) Amazing Uses (for everyday things) January Gardening by Jack Hebden
32 Four Winter Soups 34 Eating out 36 Walk Icklesham from Winchelsea
38 Business Cards Small ads for trades and services
39 Win Enter our giveaway competitions
It has many well know songs including; ‘Hey big spender’ ‘If my friends could see me now’ ‘ There’s got to be something better than this’ and
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‘The Rhythm of Life’
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TICKETS £10 & £9 (U. 18s £8 & £7)
0pm
On line from www.tods.me.uk
Box Office Smith’s (after 6 Dec. ‘14)
cope and
16 High Street Tenterden (Next to Viyella)
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The contents of this magazine are protected by copyright and nothing can be reprinted without prior permission of the publisher. The publisher has tried to ensure that all information is accurate but does not take any responsibility for any mistakes or omissions. We take no responsibility for advertisements printed in the magazine or loose inserts that might be delivered alongside it. © Onion Publishing Limited.
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Noticeboard... EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS ... THINGS TO DO
Don’t forget, it’s FREE to have an entry in this section. The deadline for you to send information to noticeboard@onionpublishing. co.uk for February’s Noticeboard is 9th January. Iden Green and Benenden WI You are encouraged to help celebrate this WI’s 65th birthday next year and join in with the various activities. The WI are proud of their choice of subjects discussed in parliament, varied speakers, trips out, lunches and coffee mornings. And every year they support a local charity. If you would like to find out more please phone Mrs Fidler on 01580 752232. Tenterden Duplicate Bridge Club Every Wednesday 19:00 The club meets at the Tenterden Club, Church Road, Tenterden TN30 6AT each week. They are always pleased to welcome players. Contact Sue Rolles on 01797 252753 or visit www.bridgewebs.com. Bridge lessons in Benenden If you’ve always wanted to learn how to play bridge, or feel that you’d like to improve or brush up your skills then Janet Blaydon will be organising bridge lessons in January, and possibly forming a bridge club if there is enough interest. If you would like to know more please contact Janet Blaydon on 01580 241479.
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Learn something new, fun and exotic for the New Year New Beginner Flamenco Dance classes starting soon on Tuesday afternoons at Udimore Village Hall. Times and prices still to be arranged, but please ring 07963 958262 if you think you might be interested, and for more information. Estate Walk at Sissinghurst Castle Garden Thursday 1 January 11:00 Grab your wellington boots and join Tony on a walk around the estate to burn off the Christmas excesses. Learn about the flora and fauna of the 450-acre estate. No additional charges for this. 01580 710701. New Year’s Day breakfast and walk at Bateman’s Thursday 1 January 11:00 Enjoy a hearty English breakfast before blowing away the Christmas cobwebs with an invigorating ramble around the beautiful Wealden landscape of the Bateman’s Garden and Estate. The Head Gardener will guide you to some of the best views on the estate. Booking is essential. All tickets £15. Telephone 01435 882302. Bateman’s, Burwash, Etchingham. ‘A Solo Walk across Africa’ – by Fran Sandham, Tenterden Friday 2 January at 14:30
YOUR COMMUNITY NOTICE BOARD IS FOR LOCAL EVENTS AND INFORMATION. TO FEATURE HERE FOR FREE, PLEASE EMAIL US AT NOTICEBOARD@ONIONPUBLISHING.CO.UK
Delivered by the Royal Mail to 23,000 local homes every month in Appledore, Benenden, Brede, Brightling, Broad Oak, Burwash, Camber, Cranbrook, Cripps Corner, Etchingham, Hawkhurst, Hurst Green, Icklesham, John’s Cross, Northiam, Peasmarsh, Robertsbridge, Rye, Salehurst, Sandhurst, Staplecross, Tenterden, Udimore, Winchelsea, Wittersham and surrounding villages. January 2015
The Onion Magazine
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Things to do in
Make snow buildings
SNOW
Rush outside after a fresh fall of snow and become an architect and builder. You will need plastic containers in different shapes and sizes, a flat plastic spade, and an old knife and spoon to shape the snow. How many different buildings can you make? Build a little cottage, a magical castle with turrets, a towering factory with rows of tall chimneys, or huge skyscrapers and highways for your toy cars. Or take inspiration from buildings around you – perhaps a snow church, or even your own building. Don’t forget to photograph your architectural masterpieces before they melt. 6
The Onion magazine
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Make snowtem poles
Make snow people Try a different version of your average ‘snowman’ by making realistic snow figures in unusual places. How about a lady sitting on a bench, an old man waiting at the bus stop, a child on a swing in the playground or someone leaning against a tree trunk in the park?
To make snowy versions of totem poles use large plastic containers to make snow bricks, tapping the snow down with your hands before tipping it out, rather like making a sandcastle. Build up a tower, snow block on top of snow block. How high can you make it? Push a little snow between the bricks to join them together. Use a spoon or trowel to carve animal features. Add evergreen leaves for wings or ears, berries for eyes or noses – whatever you need to bring it to life. If there’s only a light dusting of snow, stack up little snowballs to make miniature snowtem poles. January 2015
FIND OUT MORE
These are extracts from the fabulous book called: The Wild City Book: Loads of Things to do outdoors in Towns & Cities by Fiona Danks & Jo Schofield. Published by Frances Lincoln, £9.99.
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Soundingoff The Green Wellie Brigade There are many annoying journalistic clichés even in the ‘intelligent’ broadsheets: students’ lives are portrayed as one long orgy, for example, when the majority study hard, rise at a reasonable hour and party only occasionally. Worse is the assumption that, whatever our age or profession, getting drunk is fun, even clever. How many columnists, for example, moan proudly of their hangovers? However, the laziest cliché of all applies to those of us who live and work in the country. Perhaps because so many journalists live in large towns and take their metropolitan lifestyle as the norm, they think of we who are country dwellers as a different species. Either they conjure up a Hardyesque image of a straw-sucking yokel or they use the pejorative shorthand “green wellie brigade.” I confess that I do own a pair of wellington boots, as I do walking boots, shoes for the city, the beach and the sports field. I do go for country hikes and I like to suck a straw occasionally, but I reckon I am just as much at home in London, Paris, Brussels and Vienna as any man on the Clapham omnibus, to return a cliché. In fact if you see someone in spotless green wellies getting out of a shiny clean Land Rover he is probably a town dweller venturing into the sticks (another cliché) to shoot tame pheasants at £500 per day. Of course the countryside still harbours those with traditional country skills and occupations but in this internet age many others now work from a rural home in a variety of businesses. I have not seen a country bumpkin for years nor a Farmer Giles leaning on a five bar gate. It’s more likely that the latter is driving round on his quad bike or setting the satnav on his £300,000 combine harvester. Country folk are as widely read, attend the same concerts, shows, exhibitions and sporting events as their city counterparts; and whatever their financial 8
The Onion magazine
circumstances I would guess that the same proportion is as well-educated and well-travelled. From my village, I should think that between us in any given year someone visits each of the earth’s continents on business or for pleasure. I realise I am describing the Home Counties, but friends and relatives further afield share the same interests. It might be extreme to argue that the countryside no longer exists as a separate entity or as a different population, but I think it can be said that the most deprived - of darkness and night skies, of fresh air and recreation and of spiritual contact with nature - are those condemned to live in the city. It is time to abandon the sneering clichés and for urban journalists and commentators without trees to understand that really we are all the same, but that perhaps those of us who live in the countryside breathe and sleep better. William Wood William Wood is the author of ‘A Little Book of Pleasures’. williamwoodswords.com onionmagazine.co.uk
Padlock Cuttlefish by previous Undersea Art Award winner Harriet Mead (c) Harriet Mead, Sussex Wildlife Trust
Wanted: Artist to dive and show the magic of our seas! Sussex Wildlife Trust is encouraging established marine artists or those still at college in the county to apply for a national award to enable them to undergo dive training to gain inspiration for their work. The Undersea Art Award, organised jointly by The Wildlife Trusts and the Society of Wildlife Artists (SWLA), will not only pay for an artist to learn how to dive, but will give them the opportunity to exhibit their art inspired by marine life at the SWLA annual exhibition at the Mall Galleries in London. Previous winners have created wonderful art works to highlight the urgent need for Marine Conservation Zones – from paintings to sculpture. The Undersea Art Award has justs launched in Sussex. Applicants have until Friday 27 February to say how they’d make the most of the experience. The award, established in 2007, provides a bursary for an established artist to learn to dive and then to work underwater off the coast, recording the wildlife of the sea. Sussex Wildlife Trust Marine Officer, Olle Åkesson, said ‘The Undersea Art Award funds diving lessons for artists with a passion for nature who want to find out more about the astonishingly varied submerged landscapes around UK shores. The idea is to create art inspired by the creatures which live in our wonderful cold water coral beds, sponge meadows, canyons and sandbanks.’ Marine Conservation Zones are a type of protected area at sea where human activity is restricted to protect wildlife and habitats. The Government is creating these zones in the seas around England, following the passing of the Marine & Coastal Access Act (2009). These protected areas will allow sustainable use of the sea whilst protecting a range of species and habitats found in English waters from damaging activity. For more information and an application form please visit: http://www.wildlifetrusts.org/undersea-art-award
Letters to the editor Dear Onion, I love receiving your magazine once a month and find it full of interesting reading. However I am very intrigued as to why you call it “The Onion” magazine. Perhaps you could enlighten me? Many thanks, S Carley (Mrs) Dear Mrs Carley, Why The Onion? Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. We were trying to think of a name which combined all that we wanted to convey about the magazine; a name which said that it was ‘local’, light-hearted and that it was an editorially orientated magazine and was not just advertisements. Nothing we thought of excited us. We were discussing it for the umpteenth time in the kitchen one day and we decided that Onion sounded good, was easy to understand, say and remember. We thought that it means nothing but at least it’s distinctive and light-hearted and won’t get confused with Wealden this or Wealden that or be tied to any particular town. Many people have suggested that it is because it’s many layered, which is a nice thought, but it was actually just one of those impulse things. Thank you for asking and we’re so pleased to hear that you like it and find it interesting. We have fun writing it. Dear Editor, Penelope Goodare was right to be critical of bonfires (Sounding Off, December) but garden bonfires are a minor irritant compared to the 10 The Onion magazine
smell and smoke from burning stable litter. A typical mix of straw and horse dung can smoulder for days on end with an overpowering acrid stink that spreads everywhere. Even right out in the country it’s bad enough during the day but it’s at its worst on hot summer nights when windows need to be wide open to keep bedrooms cool - and to let the many good smells waft in from the garden and from nearby hayfields. Instead the house has to be shut up tight against this pervasive stench. Laws exist to deal with persistently inconsiderate neighbours but there’s a better solution: stable litter can make good compost! Nick Horton Bodiam Dear Onion, We absolutely loved the article on St Michael’s Hospice in The Onion (November issue), thank you so much. I do hope it really gives an insight into what we do and will open people’s eyes to us as a Hospice. We are loving The Onion - it has really made an impact locally. If you ever want to come and volunteer for us we’d love to have you. Thank you. Bruni Llovet Head of Marketing St Michael’s Hospice GET IN TOUCH
Do write to us, we’d love to hear from you either by letter or email. Letters Page, The Onion magazine, The Studio at Friars Cote Farm, Crockers Lane, Northiam, TN31 6PY or email carol@onionpublishing.co.uk. onionmagazine.co.uk
EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS ... THINGS TO DO <5 15>
Go along to St Andrew’s Parish Centre, Turners Avenue, Tenterden TN30 6LL to be inspired to get out your walking boots. “He did the walk completely alone, no support team and no backup!” Hosted by the Weald U3A. Nonmembers are welcome (£3 entry). The Weald U3A is for the dynamic over-50s, there is a wide choice of interest groups. These groups aim to provide leisure, creative and educational opportunities in friendly sociable surroundings. www.u3asites. org.uk/weald or contact Roger Berman, 01233 850859, email: rogroger@tiscali.co.uk.
Ad Hoc Artists in Rye Art Gallery To Sunday 4 January 10:00 to 17:00 The Rye Art Gallery will be playing host to the Ad Hoc Artists. The group will be offering their work at affordable prices – including ceramics, charcoal drawings, etchings, jewellery, lino cuts, photography, stained glass and watercolours. Also for sale, postumously, will be paintings, prints and books by well-loved local artists Neil Meacher (1934-2010) and Jill Stott (1945-2008). For further information contact Will Taylor on contact@ willtaylorart.co. or telephone 01797 226164.
Coastal walk at Rye Harbour (2 miles) Sunday 4 January 10:30 to 13:30 See some of the waders and waterfowl (and perhaps the odd bird of prey) which make the reserve their home during winter. Meet at Rye Harbour car park. No booking necessary. Donations appreciated. www.sussexwildlifetrust. org.uk. Telephone 01797 227784.
Choral Evensong and Organ Recital in Benenden Sunday 4 January 17:00 Choral Evensong will start at 5pm. Refreshments will be available. Then at 6pm there will be an organ recital by Martyn Williams. Martyn Williams teaches at Benenden and Cranbrook Schools and is involved with choir training, the Beresford Sinfonia, solo recital work, examining, adjudicating and composition. He is the Choir
Is your New Year’s resolution to improve your current health or improve your sporting performance? Then read on……….. The New Year is so often a time for addressing our health and embarking on the dreaded “diet”. Yet Nutritional therapy is more than just a weight management tool. Did you know that a Nutritional therapist will assess your individual needs based on numerous variables such as your age, gender, how active/inactive you are, if you have any known illnesses (e.g. irritable bowel syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome, diabetes, elevated cholesterol or high blood pressure etc.) Furthermore your current diet and lifestyle choices will be assessed. Often minor changes can help to optimize your health and promote healthy ageing as well as improving performance. Yet we are often afraid of change, so fear contacting a practitioner when we believe we will be confronted with change. But it doesn’t have to be difficult. Using specialist coaching techniques it is possible to look at our current behaviour in quite a different way, which can then make making changes very easy. With a unique approach, Fiona combines a comprehensive nutritional and lifestyle assessment with specialist coaching techniques to accelerate changes in behaviour that promote a healthy lifestyle. For more information on managing your health please contact Fiona Brenninkmeijer BSc Nutritional Therapist, MSc Sports Nutritionist and Master NLP practitioner at www.mylifestylemenu.co.uk or call 07980 611668.
British Association of Applied Nutrition and Nutritional Therapy
Learn how to take control of your health
.... and feel well again Fiona Brenninkmeijer MSc BSc Nutritional Therapy MSc Sports Nutrition Master Practitioner NLP
07980 611668 www.mylifestylemenu.co.uk
ADVERTORIAL January 2015
The Onion magazine 11
The life of Brian by Nick Farley
If you are of a certain age you will remember the time when television was wall-to-wall ‘westerns’ with such wonderful shows as Rawhide, Bonanza and Gunsmoke, and in the cinema you could see the films which we now recognise as classics, films like The Magnificent Seven, The Big Country, High Noon and Shane. As young boys we all had toy guns and wore fancy holsters and played ‘Cowboys and Indians’. I don’t suppose you’re allowed to do that in the Politically Correct 21st century; you probably have to play ‘Cowpersons and Native Americans’ which somehow doesn’t sound quite so much fun. Anyway, when we were young we all wanted to be cowboys although my fear of horses might have been a handicap, if I had ever got that far, which is why I took a more orthodox career path and began a lifetime of commuting to London. However, I recently met someone who, simply because of his dislike for commuting to London, did become a proper cowboy. I first met Brian Borrer when I went to see him at his home in Beckley to discuss his advertisements for Artistry in Leather which you will have seen in The Onion, but we were soon talking about motorbikes and other stuff and he showed me the most magnificent western-style horse saddle in his workshop and that’s when I learnt that Brian had been a cowboy; yup, a proper cowboy, not a dude ranch English cowboy; no sirreee, a ten hours a day, seven days a week, North American cowboy with a lasso and a stetson. And, what’s more, he had actually made the very fancy saddle I was looking at. Brian – such a shame his name isn’t Tex – started his working life very conventionally as a 17 year old doing the advertising layouts for The Economist Magazine in London, and this is what involved him in the dreadful commute from his home in rural 12 The Onion magazine
Above: Brian complete with lasso and stetson in Alberta in the early 1960s. Below: Breaking a horse.
Hertfordshire. He quickly got very fed up with commuting and instead found work on a local mixed farm working with sheep and cattle. This local job also meant that he was able to ‘commute’ to work on his Greeves trials motorbike and en route he could do a bit of ‘off-road’ practice for the motorcycle trials which he had begun to take part in. However, onionmagazine.co.uk
Above: Part of a huge corral holding 2500 calves on the right which Brian and the other cowboys had separated from their mothers on the left. Left: 20 degrees below and Brian with an orphan calf slung over his saddle.
and much more important, it was while he was working on the farm that one of the other workers introduced him to horse riding, and, “It was then that ‘horse’ became part of my vocabulary,” he says. He was 18. Shortly after this a workmate who had recently finalised his divorce found that he had time and money on his hands and so he and Brian booked themselves into a western-style ‘ranch’ in Sussex for a week. They were the only two booked in at that time and the workmate quickly decided that horse riding was not for him, which left Brian with the ranch owner/ instructor all to himself for a week. He, the ranch owner, had been a cowboy and had worked on big ranches in Texas, New Mexico and California and had also worked as a stunt double in American films. During the week riding with this man on his calm, responsive ‘western’ horses Brian learnt a lot and at the end of the week the ranch owner must have known that Brian was hooked because as he said goodbye he added “When you go out there don’t go south, it’s way too hot for an Englishman.” “Those words have stayed with me forever and would have meaning in the future,” said Brian. When he returned to work on the farm he couldn’t shake the experience of that week January 2015
from his mind and he investigated emigrating “out there” to America, but it was a difficult and lengthy process and so he looked instead at going to Canada. He wrote to the Canadian Embassy and got a reply by return. An interview and a medical immediately followed and pausing only to sell his beloved Greeves trials bike and to work out his notice on the farm he was flying off to Calgary where, after a false start working on a hog farm for a week, he landed a job on a 2500 acre horse ranch in the foothills of The Rockies. It was, he says, “A great place, great horses, great experience, but no cattle.” It was then, aged only 21 in 1963, that he was offered his “dream job” on a 100 square mile cattle ranch in Alberta with 5000 head of purebred Herefords. Brian was one of only six men looking after all these cattle. Each man was allotted a string of four or five horses and was entirely responsible for their well-being and for getting the job done with them. They rode ten hours a day, seven days a week, winter and summer. “The summers were great but the winters were long and cold,” says Brian, “with temperatures dropping to 30⁰ or 40⁰ below on many occasions. 20⁰ below would be quite normal for long periods and coupled with the deep snow and wind chill things could get pretty tough.” Don’t go south, it’s way too hot for an Englishman. He certainly hadn’t gone south. The need for a trusty, dependable mount in such conditions is obvious and Brian learnt that riding in that environment hones the skills of the rider and develops the partnership with the horses. It was here that his desire to train and work with these types of horses, like the famous American Quarter horse, was born. Forget the western movie scenario and the western horse The Onion magazine 13
show world, this is a job for those who can endure harsh conditions and cope with unpredictable and sometimes dangerous livestock, and it’s definitely for those who don’t mind remote and solitary locations. The wear and tear on man, horse and tack in this raw environment is considerable and relentless and coupled with the need for self-sufficiency it meant that Brian was frequently having to repair broken equipment and make new pieces too. Not pretty pieces but strong and reliable pieces. “The die was cast,” he says, and he decided that it would be horses and leather for him from then on.
A beautiful western saddle and bags made by Brian
He eventually spent four years as a cowboy in Alberta before returning to England where, in another twist of fate, he ended up running a ‘guest ranch’ in The New Forest. This was a successful liaison between a businessman who knew nothing about horses and Brian who knew nothing about business and it lasted for ten years, although he did go to Texas in 1972 and again in 1976 during that time and he says that he worked there with some of the best cutting horse trainers*of all time. Eventually the call of America again became too strong to deny, “There’s always the desire to ride new horses and new ranges,” he says, “and it was time to move on.” America, however, didn’t want horse trainers, but fortunately his leatherwork skills enabled him to get a job in a saddlery in Scottsdale, Arizona, and in 1978 after 18 months of form filling, “We (Brian had by now met and married Shirley) left a cool, showery Hampshire and 16 hours later we were bathed in sunshine in a horseman’s and saddle maker’s paradise.” Don’t go south, it’s way too hot for an Englishman….or perhaps it’s not. In Arizona Brian was making saddles and tack as well as a variety of non-equestrian pieces too, such as handbags, briefcases and belts. The competition was fierce and, “You had to up your game and increase your skill level to compete,” he says. But he sold all he could make and in addition to the Arizona sales he was selling saddles and horse gear to buyers all over America including World Champion cutting horse rider, 14 The Onion magazine
Al Dunning. He, of course, was also riding and training horses all the time besides doing his leatherwork. But then in August 1987, after nine successful years in Arizona, he and Shirley had to return home and they settled back here in Beckley. Fortunately, they found that western-style riding had begun to take hold here and provided a market for Brian’s saddles. His beautiful saddles now go to France, Germany, Sweden and even as far as Australia. Obviously not everyone wants a saddle, but, as he says, “Saddles may be a specialist commodity, but all women like a nice handbag and most guys wear a belt with their jeans.” Much as horses and the associated leatherwork were perhaps his first love he loves too making beautiful and delicate leather handbags, briefcases and all sorts of other items in leather. In fact, if you want an individual handbag to your own design, or a leather anything come to that, there’s a cowboy in Beckley who can make it. He’s currently got his eye on the Harley Davidson market as it is well known that the owners of these motorcycles like to dress them up in custom leather panniers and fancy saddles. Brian is still riding his horses every day and still starting colts for clients, with particular emphasis on the American Quarter horse which is the breed most favoured for ranch work, cutting and show work. And he still looks like a cowboy. It’s funny, isn’t it, where a simple dislike of commuting can take you. *A cutting horse is a horse trained to cut, or separate, a single cow from a herd. Cutting is obviously an essential working skill on a ranch but there are also cutting competitions at horse shows and rodeos in America. NB: the Alberta pictures are 50 years old and have suffered a bit over the years, but we thought they were too good not to use.
FIND OUT MORE
Brian Borrer, Artistry in Leather, Beckley. Telephone 01797 260361.
onionmagazine.co.uk
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EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS ... THINGS TO DO
Director at St George’s Church, Benenden, the venue for the evening. It is free entry. Tenterden Lions Club Wednesday 7 January 19:00 They meet the first Wednesday of the month at the White Lion in Tenterden, and are always happy to welcome new members. Contact 0845 833 9842. A talk on ‘Edith Cavell’ by Laton Frewen Thursday 8 January 14:30 Laton Frewen will be speaking on Edith Cavell at the Church Hall, Church Road, Tenterden for the Tenterden and District National Trust Association. Members £4, non-Members £5. Visitors are welcomed. For more information telephone 01580 764791. Tenterden Rotary Club Every Thursday 19:00 The Rotary Club meets every Thursday evening at the Tenterden Club, Church Road, Tenterden.
January 2015
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They are always happy to welcome new members. Contact Club Secretary Chris Northen. Telephone 01233 851020 or email chris@northen.net, www.tenterdenrotary.org.uk. Conquering Kilimanjaro Thursday 8 January 10:00 to 12:00 As part of Hawkhurst’s U3A meeting Dr Clive Dewing will be recounting his recent ascent of the highest walkable mountain in the world (over 19,000 feet), raising funds for Starfish Malawi. New members are always welcome. For more information contact John Read on 01580 753535 or www.hawkhurstu3a.org.uk. Venue: British Legion Hall, Hawkhurst. Winter Warmer Hike at Scotney Castle Each day from Saturday 10 January to Friday 16 January Free event (normal admission charges apply). The Scotney Castle estate is a fascinating place in winter. It is quiet, peaceful, but still with a
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EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS ... THINGS TO DO
lot to see. You are invited to walk with them to different parts of the estate spotting flocks of over-wintering birds, mammal tracks and historic landscape features. At the half-way point, rest by a bonfire in the woods with the best views the estate has to offer. Winter is also the ideal time to learn how to identify trees: be taught how to distinguish Oak, Beech, Lime and more, just by their buds. 01892 893820. The ever-popular Quiz Night at Peasmarsh Memorial Hall Saturday 10 January 19:30 Tickets £5.50 to include a ploughman’s supper. Take your own drinks. For more information contact Hilary Pankhurst on 01797 230205. Hands-on gardening course at Great Dixter Monday 12 January 10:30am to 16:00 From January Great Dixter will be running a new monthly course one day a month designed to reveal the practical secrets of how the garden at Great Dixter is created, and to help participants apply similar methods at home or in clients’ gardens where the scale is likely to be smaller and resources limited. Sessions from Great Dixter staff and Head Gardener of Tidebrook Manor, Edward Flint, who trained with Christopher Lloyd. Workshops will cover soil and border management, plant selection, pruning and propagation, as well as sessions on meadow and woodland gardening. Booking in advance only. £80 per day or book all 12 for the price of 10, or 6 for the price of 5. To book and view course content for each date visit www.greatdixter. co.uk/workshops or phone 01797 254048. Monthly Quiz at The Tenterden Club Tuesday 13 January 20:00 to 22:30 Monthly quiz at the Tenterden Club in the upstairs function room. Teams of 6, £2.50 per person. Cash prizes. Second Tuesday of the month (from October to May only). For membership details and general information, please telephone 01580 762888, visit the website www.thetenterdenclub.co.uk or call into the Tenterden Club in Church Road, Tenterden. 16 The Onion magazine
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‘Exploring History in Hastings Cemeteries’ by Anne Scott Tuesday 13 January 19:30 Northiam Historical and Literary Society will be hosting a talk by Anne Scott on ‘Exploring history in Hastings Cemeteries 1856 to 1920’. Venue: Northiam Village Hall. Archery in Icklesham Archery Club Tuesday 13 January 19:00 As well as Tom Firth continuing his popular archery lessons at £10 for a 2-hour session, he is planning to set up an archery club within the grounds of the Robin Hood Inn and will be holding a meeting at the Robin Hood Inn, Icklesham to discuss the formation of the Club and the fees. He asks that everyone proposing to go along to the meeting please either email him at tomxx10@gmail.com or telephone him on 07460 190298. ‘Going for a Burton’ – Exploring Burton’s St Leonards Wednesday 14 January 09:30 The Northiam Footpath group will leave Northiam Surgery Car Park at 9.30am and will explore Burton’s St Leonards. Lunch will be at Azure at the end of the walk. Contact Sue Clark on 01797 253428 for any further details. Rye & District National Trust Assocn presents ‘The Crystal Palace’ by Nick Shaddick Thursday 15 January 14:00 Following Nick Shaddick’s talk on Rossetti last year, Nick returns to give insight into the design, structure and use of this building. Non-members also welcome. Venue: Brede Village Hall. The Wealden Ensemble presents a concert of Wind Chamber Music in Benenden Friday 16 January 19:45 Many of the players are principal players from London orchestras including the Philharmonia, The London Sinfonietta and the Royal Opera House Orchestra. The concert will be at St George’s Church, Benenden. Tickets £10. Contact Sarah Andrew on 01580 240492 or wealdenensemble@gmail.com. onionmagazine.co.uk
Cock-a-Hoop! Carol Farley on keeping a few chickens in the garden Have you always rather fancied the idea of having a few chickens roaming around in your garden, but haven’t quite been able to take the plunge? Perhaps 2015 is the year for you to do it, and if you needed a helpful little nudge in the right direction, perhaps this is that nudge. We’ve been keeping chickens for six years now; we’d been talking about it for years and when we moved house we felt we had the space and the environment to be able to give them a good life and we finally decided to do it. It’s turned out to be one of the best things we’ve done. Their little clucking noises and their comical personalities are a constant delight, and they are very easy to look after. We haven’t got hordes of them; we have five bantams - two cockerels, Norman and George, and three hens, Babs, Georgina and Timothy. Timothy the hen? Well, she looked as if she was going to be a cockerel when she was a little chick and so she was named Timothy. It’s very difficult to decide what sex they are when they are chicks. Having two cockerels, by the way, is not a good idea, but Norman hatched last summer from one of our own eggs and we now need to find a new home for him. January 2015
Deciding what breed of hens to have is a bit bewildering. There are so many different sorts of hens: some are prolific egglayers; some are more broody than others; some give large eggs and some give small eggs; some lay blue eggs, some brown eggs and some white. Some breeds are feathery and delicate, and others are large and more robust – the choice is huge and you may just decide to get whatever your local supplier has available. One of the reasons that we chose bantams is because we like relatively small eggs. There are many options so do contact a local poultry supplier or the local poultry society for advice and try to see some before you decide. At the various agricultural shows you can see many fabulous breeds of chicken and at the beginning we were beguiled by them all, but we had to step back and make some sensible decisions especially as we were novices. Anyway, here are some of my tips and general advice borne out of my own experience as a complete chicken-keeping novice. I must stress that I am no expert, just an enthusiastic chicken owner, but I hope it encourages you to become one too. Before I started I did quite a lot of research and I felt as if I had read almost every book ever written about keeping hens. It seemed only fair that if these poor creatures were going to be totally reliant on me, I should know what I was doing. But I needn’t have worried, it’s not difficult. In the end we went to a local bantam breeder and got the breed that seemed right The Onion magazine 17
for us: we didn’t want birds which were too highly strung, we wanted unfeathered legs so that they could roam in the long grass and winter snow more comfortably, and we obviously wanted healthy, sturdy stock and reasonable layers. Eventually we chose a Welsummer cockerel and two Welsummer hens – they have a lovely nut-brown feather colour, bright eyes and scarlet combs and they lay eggs just the right size for us. They were all about a year old when we bought them, so they were big enough to handle easily and had already established a reasonable relationship with each other. We planned to let them live ‘free range’ just roaming round the garden and returning each night to their house of their own free will, and this they did quite happily for a few weeks, until one day Joan was taken by a brazen fox in broad daylight, followed by Betty some time shortly after. They could easily have flown the few feet into a low tree to avoid the fox but they don’t seem to have the brains for that. Instead they start a foot race with the fox and there’s only one winner. That left cockerel George pining for his two lost women so, before acquiring our two new hens – Babs (a Wyandotte/Orpington cross) and Beryl (a Wyandotte/ Maran cross), we bought some electric chicken fencing and created a corral in the garden. It’s not quite the same as watching them fossicking around freely in the bottom of the raspberry canes and devouring the flowers of the plantains as they appear, but it’s safer for them. Electric poultry fencing is very easy to erect, in fact it’s much easier to erect than a permanent wire netting structure and although it is only four feet high we have found that it contains the birds and keeps out foxes and dogs.
Easy access for cleaning them out
Norman ‘The Magnificent’
Here are some tips and things you might like to consider right at the beginning of the process. Do make sure that it’s going to be OK for you to keep chickens. If you’re only going to be keeping hens you should have absolutely no problem but if you decide you’d like a cockerel I warn you that they do crow very loudly and, in the summer, they crow very, very early. This can go on for some time each day, and it’s so important to check with your neighbours that they’d be happy about your cockerel shouting his head off. In fact, if your neighbours are close by I don’t think it’s a good idea to have a cockerel. If you are in an open space I’d recommend that you do have a cockerel. I love their crowing and they look so handsome, and it also means that your hens will occasionally hatch fertilised eggs and supply you with new stock. We have had a couple of hens this way and also the aforementioned magnificent cockerel, Norman. Work out where in the garden you are going to keep them. This is clearly going to determine the sort of henhouse you can have 18 The Onion magazine
Keeping them dry in bad weather
and how many chickens you can keep. If you have a garden from which they can’t escape and into which foxes are unlikely to venture during daylight then you can let them wander about freely and safely and only shut them up at night. Cats are not a problem in our experience and after their initial curiosity our cats completely ignored the chickens, but dogs are a problem and do need to be separated from them. I have friends whose dogs have attacked their chickens. onionmagazine.co.uk
Make sure you have someone who’ll be able to come in to feed them and let them in and out of their house when you’re away. Some people are happy to come in and feed a cat or dog, but don’t quite know what to do about chickens. Chickens couldn’t be simpler; it’s easier to look after someone’s chickens for a few days than it is to look after someone’s dog or cat. There are even the equivalent of catteries and kennels for chickens where you can take your chickens while you are on holiday.
A separate ark for the broody hen
Have a look at as many henhouses as you can. We found that each one offered something slightly different. And apart from the simple aesthetics and the need for it to look good in your garden as a permanent feature, the things I’d look out for would be: - Simple no-bending access into the ‘bedding’ area so that you can easily get in to clean it out. Removable perches also aid cleaning out. Cleaning is a job which is done frequently so it doesn’t need to be a chore. - Ability to get effortlessly into the ‘run’ so that you can put the food and water in without ripping your jacket or shaving your knuckles on anything.
Babs with her young off-spring
- Easy access to the nest boxes. One of the absolute delights about keeping hens is collecting the eggs. - Wheels – we are able to move our wheeled henhouse around the garden so that it doesn’t destroy the grass in one spot and so that the chickens have a little bit of fresh interest beneath their feet regularly – it’s so much easier with the house being on wheels – I can shift ours on my own which helps.
The run surrounded by electrified fencing
Foxes were a problem for us but the electric poultry fencing allows our chickens plenty of space to roam and scratch in safety. Our garden is visited frequently by foxes, they even wander along the edge of the fencing but they have learned not to touch it and we haven’t had any losses since we installed it nearly six years ago. I would definitely recommend it. It’s so distressing to have your ‘pets’ carried away. January 2015
- Most important, I would choose a house/run which gives your chickens as much room as possible. Some suppliers of poultry houses suggest that quite small arks are suitable for four or five large chickens and, in my view, this is wrong. That’s no different from treating the birds as if they are in a small cage on a battery ‘farm’. Give them as much room as possible in the day time. Their night quarters can be small because they will huddle together for warmth and will need less room. Our henhouse (see picture) enables all the chickens to keep dry in the rain or snow and yet they are still in the open; they don’t need to use their sleeping quarters to avoid the rain in the daytime. Our chickens have become a big part of our lives – they give us delicious eggs, they are extremely funny and very photogenic. We’re cock-a-hoop. www.electricfencing.co.uk; www.chicken-house.co.uk; www.martins-wood-chickens.co.uk The Onion magazine 19
What a difference the right colour makes The New Year is generally a ‘clear the decks and start afresh’ time. It may mean making massive, overblown resolutions that are completely ridiculous – am going to lose 5 stone in month – or perhaps something a little more realistic and more attainable like trying a new hair style or finally getting around to doing something that you’ve been putting off for a long time. I know it’s a cliché, but the New Year is a time for change. Each new year most of us want to do at least a little something to improve things for ourselves. Perhaps that mountain of mince pies that you ate is beginning to take its toll on your waistband, or maybe it’s time to go for that new job that you’ve been wanting. We all try to do something – consciously or otherwise ̶ at the start of a new year. It just feels right. With change in mind I remembered that I had recently been chatting to the lovely Jane Lowther at an event – she is one of those people who is very smiley and is unfailingly cheery. As well as being of a very sunny disposition she always looks amazing too and that’s because her job is all about helping people to make the little changes that give them the confidence to do something different and ultimately to feel better about themselves in some way. Jane is almost evangelical about helping people to realise their full potential. She wants you to look and feel better about yourself. How great is that? So, is she peddling some sort of magic elixir? Is she the ultimate snake-oil huckster? Not at all, she does it simply by analysing people’s ‘colours’ and ‘style’ so that they wear the right things in the right colours. I know, I 20 The Onion magazine
know, that does sound a bit flimsy but believe me it’s not. It really works. I had my ‘colours’ analysed a few years ago and it was a revelation. Jane has been a colour consultant for 13 years. She’s analysed a lot of people in that time. People who have wanted to stop making expensive shopping mistakes; people who want to change their job and create the right impression; people who feel stuck in a rut; and even bosses who feel that their workforce needs to project the right impression to clients. It seems such a simple thing doesn’t it? Wearing the right colours; we all know what suits us, right? Well, maybe we sort of do; we certainly know what colours we like but that’s not the same as knowing which colours like us. Imagine knowing exactly what suits us, what effect a colour has on our face, our body and, therefore, our whole demeanour. That seems like pretty valuable information to have in your armoury. And just the thing to make a difference in 2015. So Jane invited me to her studio in Marden, along with Maxine who very kindly agreed to be the guinea pig and to have her colours analysed by Jane for this article. Maxine hadn’t had done anything like this before so the whole experience was completely new to her. The first thing that Jane does (apart from producing delicious coffee and biscuits) is to establish the client’s expectations and her reasons – it’s mostly women but not exclusively so ̶ for being there. She then covers up your hair, and drapes a white scarf across your chest ready to start the onionmagazine.co.uk
analysis of the specific colours and jewellery that will be in perfect harmony with your eyes, skin and hair tones.
Covered ready for the colour test
Draped in colours that don’t work
Draped in colours that do work
The whole analysis is broken down into four categories: Autumn & Spring (gold); and Winter and Summer (silver). This doesn’t mean that these are the colours for wearing in these seasons, it’s simply a way of categorizing and naming the palette of colours which will suit each person all the year round. Each person will fit into one of these four broad categories and then within that category will be more precisely positioned. Jane first draped coloured scarves across Maxine’s chest and under her chin one at a time, to see what effect the colours in each of the categories had on her. Many of the colours looked quite similar in isolation but the difference in effect when next to Maxine’s face was marked. Those that weren’t in harmony with the natural skin tone showed imperfections and made her look tired or sallow, whereas those that ‘worked’ made her look radiant and healthy. One of the best visual aids Jane demonstrated during the morning concerned the jewellery. She took a handful of cheap, goldcoloured jewellery and put it on the Winter/Summer palette of colours, and
a handful of cheap, silver-coloured jewellery on the Autumn/Spring colours. The jewellery looked cheap, gaudy and trashy. She then swapped them around – putting the gold with the Autumn/Spring colours and the silver with the Summer/Winter colours – and suddenly they looked amazingly different; expensive and very wearable. So after all the scarf swishing, we discovered that Maxine is a ‘Spring’ and should wear gold jewellery to enhance her skin tones. She was then draped in all the Spring colours that work best to bring out the natural sparkle in her eyes and make her look naturally brighter and healthier. Jane worked through a booklet of Maxine’s specific colour palette explaining which colours she should wear as a main colour (a suit, dress) and which colours would be best in a supporting role (a skirt, pair of trousers, belt and similar). She was given a leather wallet with her fabric swatches in for the Spring palette – I have certainly found that it’s so much easier when shopping to be able offer an exact colour swatch up against an item of clothing rather than trying to guess whether it’s the right colour for me or not. Maxine looked radiant at the end of the session and vowed to go back and tackle her wardrobe when she got home. So if you see a strawberry blonde striding down Tenterden High Street wearing a bright turquoise outfit you can guess that it might be Maxine – she’ll be the one with the Spring in her step. by Carol Farley
FIND OUT MORE
Jane Lowther is a Colour Analyst and Image Consultant with House of Colour. Her studio is in Marden. Tel 01622 832974. www.houseofcolour.co.uk/janelowther.
Jane Lowther January 2015
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PlantSnapp Jo Jenkinson on a new way to help you identify that plant Have you ever seen a plant you really like in someone else’s garden? Or maybe whilst looking around Wisley or Great Dixter? How annoying is it when it is not labelled? This has happened to me many times. And when you get home you try looking it up in a book, only to discover that you need to know the name of it so that you can look it up. Well, as the saying goes, now there is an App for that! At last, an enterprising young man called George Williams (pictured) and an entrepreneur called Angus Rankine have come up with a brilliant and useful plant identification app called PlantSnapp. I have had several conversations with George while he was setting this up, and what impressed me most about him was his enthusiasm and energy, as well as his horticultural knowledge. George studied biology at Leeds University and realised the need for the app while working at Chelsea Flower Show and Burncoose Nurseries in Cornwall. A chance encounter with Angus fuelled the idea and PlantSnapp was born. It has had considerable coverage in the press since its launch, including articles in The Telegraph, Guardian and Gardeners World magazine.
I have a personal interest in the app. After being put in touch with George through a mutual friend I am honoured to be one of his experts, along with another local professional gardener, Dan Foad. PlantSnapp launched last year and is proving to be as popular is I expected. Before this app I used to get text messages and photos by email from friends, and other local gardeners asking for help identifying plants, now I just steer them towards the app. The RHS and other horticultural bodies have for a long time been talking about the lack of young people being interested in any aspect of horticulture. Hopefully this app will help to bring the industry up to date and make it more appealing to the younger generation. So, when you see that mystery plant, take a photo, send it over to PlantSnapp and wait for the mystery to be solved. And if you want to know, the plant at the top is “Penstemon ‘Sour Grapes’ and the plant above left is Echinops bannaticus ‘Taplow Blue’.
If you have an iphone or ipad you can download it for free; take a photo of any plant and send it to the team to be identified. At the other end he has a team of horticultural experts and a data base of over 6,000 plants to quickly and correctly identify that elusive plant. With your prompt reply, as well as the name of the plant, you will receive growing advice, and a link to mail order nurseries in the UK. PlantSnapp is in partnership with the UK Bumblebee Conservation Trust so they can also recommend plants which are especially nurturing for bumble bees and so help stop their extinction. 22 The Onion magazine
FIND OUT MORE
Download the app from the AppStore now. For more information, please visit www. plantsnapp.com
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Quiz Night in Staplecross Saturday 17 January 19:00 Organised by the Ewhurst, Staplecross & Bodiam Garden Society – although we’re told it’s a general quiz, not about gardening – in Staplecross Village Hall. Teams of 4-6 welcome. Tickets £5 per person which includes a supper of hot soup and crusty bread. Please bring your own wine and glasses. To pre-register your team please phone Pam Dance on 01580 830320. Or Ruth Close on 01580 831918. Medieval Banquet in Punnetts Town Saturday 17 January 19:00 This is a three-course Medieval Banquet for all the family, in aid of Hall funds. Tickets must be bought in advance – adults £15, children under 11 £5. Bring your own drink, and try to dress the part! To book, phone 07986 204269 or 01435 831661. Venue: Punnetts Town Village Hall. The hall is at the western end of the village and has plenty of parking.
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Flea & Collectors’ Market at Peasmarsh Memorial Hall Sunday 18 January 09:00 to 14:00 To book a table £6 in advance telephone Trevor on 01797 230568. Held in aid of Memorial Hall Funds. Tenterden Town Hall Wedding Fair Sunday 18 January 11:00 to 16:00 Tenterden Town Council is hosting a wedding fair at the Town Hall at which locally-based, wedding-related businesses will be represented. Confirmed exhibitors include Bride of Tenterden, The Garden Room, Chris Cloake Photography, Chapel Down Winery, Travel Counsellors, Balloons by Samantha, Cherry on Top Cakes, Sweetypie, David Findlay Videographer, Be.You.Tiful Hair by Mary Ann, and many others. As well as meeting the lovely wedding suppliers, there will be the chance to see the Mayor’s Parlour gloriously set up for a wedding ceremony. Entry is free. Information about the event can be found at
Leatherwork to your own design
Unique Leather Handbags Handmade and hand-tooled from £125 Also Briefcases, Cases for laptops,tablets and iPads TEL/FAX 01797 260361
January 2015
The Onion magazine 23
A GOOD Book
In this column we feature books that we, and our reviewers, like. They may not necessarily be new books, but they’ll be fiction and non-fiction books that we have enjoyed. We’ll always include at least one children’s book in the selection each time. We’d love to hear your thoughts on anything you feel we should be reading and sharing with others.
England Expects by Sara Sheridan Published by Polygon in 2014 Hardback £16.99
This is the latest title in the ‘Mirabelle Bevan Mystery’ series. I must confess that this was my introduction to these books. I read this tucked up in bed with a mug of hot lemon & honey, and a cold. It was exactly what the doctor ordered – largish print, a story that you can gamble through quite happily, not overly complicated plotlines or family histories - an undeniably good read. Set in 1953 in Sussex (Brighton mostly) debt collector cum sleuth Mirabelle Bevan and her colleague Vesta become embroiled in investigating two seemingly unrelated murders of a racing journalist and a cleaning lady. Their exploits lead them to the shady underworld of freemasonry where secrets must be kept at all costs. There was just enough back story about Mirabelle and Vesta to make you care about the characters. I really enjoyed this book which sustained my interest and was unashamedly compelling. So I’ll 24 The Onion magazine
now be heading straight for Sara’s previous two published Mirabelle Bevan titles: Brighton Belle and London Calling. Reviewed by Jessica Harding
Think Right, Eat Right, Move Right by Mary Perigoe Published by Book Guild Publishing Price: £17.99 Hardback. Non-fiction. 2014
I must start by saying that I know Mary and her family and so I read her book knowing what an extraordinarily lively and vibrant woman Mary is. I know she won’t mind me saying how old she is (because she also admits it in her book), but she is incredibly healthy and active and she is in her late 80s. However, if you met her you would take decades off that. She has wonderful posture and wonderful vigour. How lucky do you say? Well, Mary doesn’t think it’s down to luck or genetics. She believes it comes down to the three essentials for health and vitality – thinking well, eating well and moving well.
I don’t know where to start to describe this book. It is crammed with her fascinating personal history as well as diets, calorie counting, looking after your limbs, health and beauty, how to improve your posture, breathe correctly and relax, how to overcome fear, how the Zodiac affects our lives, spiritual psychotherapy, and how to ditch unbalanced relationships, and these are just some of the topics she covers. Does that give you a feel for it? No, I’m sure it doesn’t and I’m trying to keep away from the words ‘self-help book’ as it’s not really that either. The actress Susan Hampshire, one of her current clients, says “It is no secret that I am not keen on workouts, but I love Mary’s exercise regime and I LOVE the results! My shape has improved – my stomach muscles are now stronger and my back problems are less of an issue (despite the fact that I’m still endlessly moving furniture, lifting my grandchildren and helping my husband who weighs over 16 stone)”. And if you ever get to meet Mary you will understand that she is an inspiration and an incredible example of all that she advocates. Reviewed by Carol Farley
onionmagazine.co.uk
Everland by Rebecca Hunt Fiction Publisher: Fig Tree Price: £12.99 ISBN: 9781905490653
This gripping novel features two Antarctic expeditions that take place 100 years apart and yet both have uncanny and persistent parallels. Although this is entirely a work of fiction, the first expedition in 1912/13 bears a strong resemblance to Captain Scott ’s illfated sortie in the Terra Nova. Both of the expeditions in Hunt’s novel feature a small reconnaissance team of three people who leave the main base camp for scientific research in the same Antarctic area and their stories alternate throughout the book. The 2013 party has all the latest equipment: satellite phones, snowmobiles, thermal clothing, the lot. The 1913 party eats pemmican, lugs a kerosene stove about and wears clothing that is mainly soaking wet. You’d think there would be no comparison in their hardships, but there is and this clever book keeps you on tenterhooks to the very end. Reviewed by Caroline Boucher
January 2015
The Worst Journey in the World by Apsley Cherry-Garrard Non-fiction Publisher: Vintage Classics Price: £10.99 ISBN: 9780099530374
Rebecca Hunt’s book (left) owes a heavy literary debt to one of the finest pieces of travel writing that exists: Apsley Cherry-Garrard’s The Worst Journey in the World, the true story of three of Scott ’s Antarctic party who trekked through terrible conditions to obtain Emperor Penguin eggs. It was so cold on that epic journey that Cherry-Garrard’s teeth chattered so much that they shattered. However, he was spared joining Scott ’s fateful journey to the Pole. Cherry-Garrard’s book was first published in 1922 on his return to the UK, and, I think, it should be read as an adjunct to Everland. Reviewed by Caroline Boucher
Pirate Post Written by Richard Dunworth Published by Ladybird Books Hardback. Children’s fiction. 3+yrs. £12.99
Will everything be OK in time for Captain Cutlass’s
return from his holiday in Piratopia? The strapline is ‘A swashbuckling tale with real mail!’ and so it proves. The story of skullduggery between the pirates of the Leaky Tub and the bad guys, the Stinkyfish Gang, is interspersed with letters written by various of the characters. These are found in separate pockets built in to the book along with invitations, advertising flyers, posters and a chest with a ‘gift ’ in it. This book is great fun and has plenty of things to ‘discover’ in the envelopes. Reviewed by Jessica Harding
I wish I’d be born a Unicorn By Rachel Lyon Illustrated by Andrea Ringli Published by Maverick Books in 2014 www.maverickbooks.co.uk £6.99 Paperback Children’s fiction
This is the tale of a horse called Mucky who wants the other horses to like him but they don’t want to share his field. When Mucky decides it would be better if he were a unicorn, Owl tries to help and his true friends come to the rescue. A charming story for young children (2 and upwards) with rhyming verse, which scans nicely, has delightful illustrations and a happy ending. Reviewed by Carol Farley The Onion magazine 25
Amazing USES
Discover how to do amazing things with the ordinary household products you already have in your home.
Baby Oil
Bananas
Buff up golf clubs Don’t waste money on special cleaning kits for chrome-plated carbon steel golf club heads. Just keep a small bottle filled with baby oil in your golf bag along with a chamois cloth or towel. Dab a few drops of oil on the cloth and polish the head of the club after each round of golf.
Polish silverware and leather shoes It may sound ridiculous, but using a banana skin is actually an excellent way to put the shine back both into silverware and leather shoes. Remove any of the loose stringy material from the inside of the skin, rub the skin over your silver or shoes and then buff it up with a paper towel or soft cloth. You could even use this technique to restore leather furniture, but test it on a small section first before you take on the whole piece.
Clean a bath or shower Remove dirt and any soap scum around a bath or shower enclosure by wiping surfaces with a teaspoon of baby oil on a moist cloth. Use another cloth to wipe away any excess oil. Finally, spray the area with a disinfectant cleaner to kill any remaining germs. This technique is also great for cleaning soap film and watermarks off glass shower doors. Hide scratches on dashboard plastic Disguise scratches on the plastic lenses covering the indicators on the car dashboard by rubbing them with a little baby oil. Polish leather bags and shoes Just a few drops of baby oil applied with a soft cloth can add new life to an old leather bag or pair of patent-leather shoes. Don’t forget to wipe away any excess oil remaining on the leather when you’ve finished. Shine stainless-steel sinks and chrome trim Buff up a dull-looking stainless-steel sink by rubbing it down with a few drops of baby oil on a clean, soft cloth. Rub dry with a towel and repeat if necessary. This is also a terrific way to remove stains on the chrome trim of kitchen appliances and bathroom fixtures. Remove emulsion paint from skin If you get almost as much emulsion paint on your face and hands as you do on the walls when decorating, you can quickly remove it from your skin by first rubbing it with some baby oil, followed by a thorough wash with soap and hot water. 26 The Onion magazine
Brighten up houseplants It’s easy to restore the shine and lustre to the leaves of dusty and dingy houseplants. Wipe down each leaf with the inside of a banana skin. It will quickly remove all the grime on the surface of the leaves. Deter aphids If aphids are attacking rosebushes or other garden plants, try burying dried or cut-up banana skins a few centimetres deep around the base of the aphid-prone plants and they will quickly be deterred. Don’t use whole skins or the bananas themselves though as they tend to be seen as tasty treats by squirrels, rates, mice and other animals, who will just dig them up.
This is the first in an occasional series of articles on ways in which you can save time and money. They have been taken from many books and sources, including Reader’s Digest book on ‘Extraordinary Uses for Ordinary Things’. onionmagazine.co.uk
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www.facebook.com/TenterdenTownCouncil. Weald of Kent Computer Club, Biddenden Village Hall Wednesday 21 January 19:30 This month’s club topic will be social networking and there will be plenty of opportunity to put questions to the expert and obtain advice on security when using social media. Annual membership of the club costs £10 and covers free admission to all 10 meetings during the year. Non-members are always welcome with a £2 admission fee - although the first visit is free. Enquiries to secretarywkcc@yahoo.co.uk. Brede and Udimore Overseas Group Charity Lunch Thursday 22 January 12.45 onwards There will be a two-course hot lunch served at Udimore Hall in aid of the four charities which the group supports. The charities are Papua New Guinea Church Partnership, Sightsavers, Deaf and Tanzanear, and Amani Orphanage in Kenya. Tickets are only £8.50. Please contact Judy on 01424 882222 or Liz on 01424 882657. Pilgrim’s Hospice Quiz Night Saturday 24 January 19:00 Pilgrim’s Hospice quiz night on Sat 24th Jan 2015. Hot supper. At St Mildred’s Church Hall, Church Road, Tenterden. Jazz Concert in Rolvenden Saturday 24 January 19:30 Banish the winter blues and enjoy an evening of jazz with The Hastings Jazz Connection at St Mary’s Church, Rolvenden. Tickets £10 available in advance from Linklaters in Rolvenden, or by phoning 01580 241157, or on the door. There will be a cash bar available. This evening is organised by the Friends of the Church with all proceeds going towards preserving the fabric of the Church. Quiz Evening in Brede Saturday 24 January 19:30 The Friends of St George’s are holding their January 2015
30>
annual quiz evening in Brede Village Hall. Teams of up to 8 welcome. Tickets £10 per person which includes a fish and chips supper. Please book your table with Marion Firman on 01424 751165. Great Expectations at The Sinden Theatre, Tenterden Saturday 24 January 19:30 A one-man show performed by the Great Great Grandson of Charles Dickens. Ticket price £13, concessions £11. Enter the world of Charles Dickens in the company of his great, great grandson, Gerald Dickens as this remarkable actor performs Dickens’ masterpiece Great Expectations, playing every character himself. This virtuoso one-man performance is a theatrical experience full of drama and excitement that has had audiences cheering across the world. Box Office: 01580 763826. Contact: Juliet Mander. Email: j.mander@homewood.kent.sch.uk. Website: www.sindentheatre.com. ‘Bedgebury in Winter’ (5 miles medium grade walk) Sunday 25 January 13:30 The Northiam Footpath Group is organising this walk. It will be leaving Northiam Surgery Car Park at 1.30pm. Contact Sue Clark on 01797 253428 for any further details. Roast and Roam at Bodiam Castle Sunday 25 January 11:00 to 15:00 Tickets £25 includes castle admission, parking, tour and lunch. The ‘roam’ is approximately 12 miles. Booking essential. A Winter ramble around Pett Level (4 miles) Sunday 25 January 10:30 to about 14:00 Phil Jones and Chris Bentley take a look at wintering birds on the levels and in the reedbeds of Pett Level. Please take lunch and your own binoculars. Meet at the roadside pool at Pett Level – TQ903146. No booking necessary. Donations appreciated. History Society Meeting Monday 26 January 19:30 to 21:30 Hosted by the Tenterden and District Local The Onion magazine 27
JANUARY GARDENING
By Jack Hebden
Back in an earlier edition of The Onion I spoke about pushing a few nasturtium seeds into the ground to fill some of the spaces left when the spring bulb display died down and now, as I write this in early December, there are still a few of those nasturtiums in flower in the garden. I know that it has been a mild autumn but on a bleak, dank December day those few bright orange nasturtiums, so easily planted and so trouble free, are worth a whole bed of more fancy summer flowers. Of course as soon as we get a frost those nasturtiums will die but to date we have only had one frost this autumn/winter and that only affected the most exposed parts of my garden. Actually, I really hope that we do soon get a prolonged cold spell. These warm, wet winters are no fun: the grass is still growing at an alarming rate and because the ground is so boggy and wet I can’t get on to the lawn to cut it; the spring bulbs are also growing furiously and I’ve got an azalea in bloom. These mild winters allow bugs and diseases to survive as well and will enable them to go forth into 2015 with undiminished vigour. Gardens need a bit of cleansing winter cold. Perhaps by the time you read this we will have had some proper winter weather. I hope so. It’s at this time of year that the gardening magazines and newspapers talk of sitting in front of the fire and flicking through seed catalogues as you plan next year’s activity, but it’s also a good time to take a stock of your (neglected?) garden tools and equipment. Garden equipment is important and doesn’t get enough consideration in my view. It’s so much easier and more satisfying to work with good tools and equipment and yet there is very little advice given on this important subject. The garden magazines have to be careful not to offend the manufacturers who advertise and therefore cannot criticise poor equipment, nor too strongly recommend the good.
There are today a million different plastic variations on the cloche theme but when I first started gardening, the cloche to have was the Chase Barn Cloche. This was a magnificent glass structure that one used to see in hunA Chase Barn Cloche dreds on the small nurseries and market gardens of the time. I had some in my garden and there is nothing better – I’ve still got them. I didn’t think that they were still made, but I am delighted to find that they are. The picture will explain better than any words what this magnificent cloche looks like. These days you buy the wire structure online or by post and the glass you buy locally. There are two versions of the Barn Cloche – high and low – but I think that the high is best for most things. There is also a Chase Tent Cloche which is much simpler and very useful too. I must tell you, however, that Chase cloches are relatively expensive; more expensive than most plastic cloches. They are, however, definitely worth it: they last for ever; they do a better job than plastic; they are easier to handle than yards of polythene and they look so much better than any form of plastic cloche that I have ever seen. A row of Chase cloches says a lot about you and your garden.
There are two things I want to talk about this month: cloches and a small rake.
For one large Barn Cloche you will need the necessary wire and glass. The necessary wire bits costs £12 (If you buy five sets or more you will get a 10% discount if you mention The Onion – see information panel below) and four sheets of horticultural glass 2ft x 1ft will cost £9. To make a Chase Tent cloche you will need the wire frame £5 and two sheets of glass £4.50. Sometimes, if you are lucky, you can find old Chase wires cheaper on eBay. Treat yourself.
Cloches Cloches are so useful in the vegetable garden and even in flower borders too where you need sometimes to protect less hardy specimens in the winter. Primarily, however, you will be using cloches in the vegetable garden where they will enable you to warm the soil much earlier thus letting you sow earlier and then when the seeds have germinated the cloches will encourage faster growth. The earlier you can get your cloches in position the sooner they will start warming the soil.
Small Hand-Rake In the May issue of The Onion there was a review of two excellent rakes in the ‘Good Gadgets’ column – The Wolf Longspan rake and the Bulldog rubber rake – which you can still see by going to www.onionmagazine.co.uk/previous editions. This month I want to talk about a small wire rake which I find very useful. This small rake is also made by Wolf Tools and is part of their ‘multi-change’ range of tools. Multi-change means that a whole variety of different working heads
28 The Onion magazine
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border, but then clipped into a long handle it is, for example, very good for raking leaves out of a border between closely growing plants where a larger rake would be too clumsy, cumbersome and damaging. The other good thing about the multi-change system is that there are handles of varying lengths so that each tool head can be made to suit each user. There’s not much more to add: this small rake is just very, very useful and I wouldn’t be without it.
A normal wire rake is far too clumsy to use in a border………
… but the small rake is perfect.
The rake with the short handle and the long.
There are all sorts of new and different tools available for the garden nowadays and some are undoubtedly gimmicky and many are of poor quality, but some are excellent and are well worthwhile trying. There is nothing quite so satisfying as having the right tool for the job. We gardeners are often very traditional and set in our ways and are reluctant to try new things but we should perhaps open our minds to new ideas and next month I shall be talking about a different spade as we start thinking about digging prior to the spring gardening activity. The traditional English spade is an ill-designed weapon of torture but there are alternatives….
FIND OUT MORE
With small handle fitted it is an excellent border tool when you need to get down to it.
can be clipped into handles of different lengths. When I first saw this I thought it was another pointless gimmick but actually I’ve learnt that it’s a very good idea. The small rake head when clipped into the short handle is a very useful tool for when you are down on your knees weeding or clearing dead material from a
January 2015
Chase cloches (don’t forget 10% discount for orders of five or more Barn Cloches for Onion readers.) Hibbitt of Oswestry, 2 Union Place, Oswestry, Shropshire SY11 1HN. www.hibbitt.co.uk Tel: 01691 656152 Glass: South Coast Glazing (Peacehaven) 333 South Coast Road, Peacehaven, East Sussex BN10 7HJ, Tel: 01273 582088 www.southcoastglazing.co.uk Email: info@southcoastglazing.co.uk Wolf Tools: available widely from local shops but to see the full range and to buy on-line go to www.worldofwolf.co.uk
The Onion magazine 29
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EXHIBITIONS … CONCERTS … FETES & FAIRS … CHARITY EVENTS .. THINGS TO DO
History Society there will be talk on ‘The History of Policing in Kent’ by Mr Roy Ingleton. Guests and visitors welcome £3. Venue: Zion Baptist Church, High Street, Tenterden Hastings Budgerigar Society in Northiam Monday 26 January 19:00 to 22:00 Any person interested in budgerigars would be welcome to talk amongst the members to see if the club is for you. It is the AGM this evening and a programme of events for the year will be available. www.hastingsbudgerigarsociety.org. New members are always welcome. For more information contact Brian Mepham on 01424 429094. Venue: Northiam Village Hall, Main Street, Northiam. ‘The Women’s Land Army – a Sussex Connection’ by Ian Everest Tuesday 27 January 19:30 Northiam Historical and Literary Society will be hosting a talk by Ian Everest on ‘The Women’s Land Army – a Sussex Connection’. Venue: Northiam Village Hall. “Metamorphosis” by Franz Kafka Thursday 29 January 19:00 A brand new adaptation by Scene Productions in association with Redbridge Drama Centre. “This version of Kafka’s extraordinary story has a dreamlike quality, powerfully evoked by immaculately slick, highly imaginative physical theatre.” – The Stage Newspaper. Price £12, £8 – group reductions available. Box Office: 01580 763826. Contact: Juliet Mander. Email: j.mander@homewood.kent.sch.uk. Website: www.sindentheatre.com. Sir Ernest Shackleton – An Illustrated Talk, Robertsbridge Friday 30 January 19:30 for 20:00 Shackleton’s new biographer Michael Smith recalls the great explorer and shows historic photos from his four Antarctic expeditions 100 years ago. Q & As and book signing follows. Venue: Village Hall, Station Road, Robertsbridge. Tickets £5. Box Office: Judge’s Bakery, 30 The Onion magazine
Robertsbridge or jane.tritton@btinternet.com and 01580 880248. Tenterden Book Fair Saturday 31 January 09:00 to 15:00 Now in its 33rd year with nearly £6,600 having been donated to Cancer Research. This Book Fair continues to offer a wide selection of books for sale from a number of book dealers, with free admission and refreshments available from the Highbury Hall café. Enquiries Barry Williams on 01634 235484. Email barryjean.williams@ btinternet.com. Highbury Hall, Highbury Lane, Tenterden, TN30 6LE. Linda Davidson at Smallhythe Studio Tuesday 3 February to Saturday 14 February 11:00 to 17:00 Screenprints, glass work and jewellery by Sandhurst print maker, inspired by the sea, nature and the artist’s travels. Exhibition is closed Sundays and Mondays. Smallhythe Studio, Smallhythe Road, Tenterden, TN30 7NB. The Barber of Seville at St Mildred’s Church, Tenterden Saturday 14 February 19:30 The Merry Opera Company returns to Tenterden with a terrific cast of talented singers to present ‘The Barber of Seville’- Rossini’s comic masterpiece of sparkling music and irrepressible characters. The Woolpack and the Lemon Tree, in the high street near the church, will be offering pre-performance meals from 5pm. Tickets for ‘The Barber of Seville’ at £17.50 each can be bought from the box office at Smith’s Florist, High Street, Tenterden or by emailing FOSM@ gmail.com. This event has been organised by the Friends of St Mildred’s for the upkeep of the church.
onionmagazine.co.uk
In Kent, in winter, one person dies of cold every three hours.
“Life is not about waiting for storms to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.....” (Vivian Greene)
Kent Community Foundation has launched its Surviving Winter appeal 2014/15. This annual campaign helps around 300 elderly people in Kent to survive winter successfully. In Kent, someone dies from the cold every three hours in winter months. Surviving Winter started as a vehicle to recycle Winter Fuel Payment that people had received but didn’t feel that they needed, but it quickly expanded to take in donations from people of all ages, and of all amounts, which are directed to the local groups supporting vulnerable people in winter. Donations pay for everything from individual bursaries for fuel bills and hot water bottles to lunch clubs for older people. Carol Lynch, the Chief Executive of Kent Community Foundation said that “The Kent Community Foundation works hard to make sure that the money donors give so generously goes a long way. We are proud of what we have achieved in the three years Surviving Winter has been running in Kent – a total of £90,000 raised so far, and over a thousand people helped.
e gift of a lifetime
nity Foundation supports hundreds of local organisations, charities and ojects, working to transform the lives of those most in need.
“We are constantly amazed by the willingness of people to help those struggling to stay warm and well and we are asking again if people can consider giving any amount to our appeal.” Every single pound donated to the Surviving Winter Appeal will be used to benefit elderly people in need of support this winter.
To donate please go to: www.kentcf.org.uk/surviving-winter
Justine Skeet Counselling and Psychotherapy Ad.Dip PC, SAC Dip, MNCS(Acc), MNCP Tel: 07748 638797 Email: justineskeetcounselling@gmail.com
CONFIDENTIAL SUPPORT FOR YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES * Justine will be running Assertiveness Workshops in Tenterden during the autumn, promoting confidence, self-esteem and emotional freedom. Please contact her on the above number or Email address for workshop and appointment details*
photo by Santanadiana.blogspot.com.
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The Onion magazine 31
Four Winter Soups By Caroline Boucher
Spiced Butternut Squash Ingredients
Method
1 tbsp vegetable oil 1 onion, finely chopped 1 garlic clove, chopped A lump of fresh ginger, grated 1 red chilli, deseeded and finely chopped 1 tsp medium curry powder Approx 1 kg butternut squash, peeled, deseeded and chopped into chunks 2 lemongrass stalks 400g coconut milk 700 ml vegetable stock 2 tsp orange juice Serves 4
Heat the oil in a large pan and cook the onion, garlic, ginger and chilli until soft. Stir in the curry powder and butternut squash. Bash the lemongrass stalks and add. Cover with lid and simmer for ten minutes, then add coconut milk and vegetable stock, bring to the boil and simmer until the squash is cooked through. Remove the lemongrass and blend in food processor. Add the orange juice and serve.
Ingredients
Method
1 tbsp vegetable oil 1 medium onion, diced 1 litre of stock (chicken, vegetable or a cube) 1 large potato, peeled and diced 500g frozen peas 300g thick, cooked ham, cut into chunks
Warm the oil in a deep saucepan. Add the onion and cook until translucent. Add potato and coat with oil. Add stock, bring to the boil and cook until the potato is tender. Add peas and bring back to the boil. Remove from the heat and blend. Return to saucepan add the ham, bring to simmering point and serve.
Pea and Ham
Serves 4
32 The Onion magazine
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FOOD
Winter Vegetable Ingredients
Method
large tbsp vegetable oil 1 leek, trimmed and diced 1 onion, chopped 1 celery stalk, chopped 1 small potato, peeled and diced 1 carrot, diced 2 garlic cloves crushed 1.5 litres stock - chicken or vegetable or a cube 200g spinach, shredded Handful of chives, chopped finely
Heat oil in the pan, add leek and cook until softened. Add onion, celery, potato, carrot and garlic, and cook for about ten minutes. Warm the stock, add.it to the pan and bring to the boil and simmer for 25 minutes. Add spinach and cook until it wilts. Add chives and serve.
Serves 4
French Onion Ingredients
Method
40g butter 1 tbs sunflower oil 1 kg onions, sliced finely 2 tsp caster sugar 30g plain flour 1.5 litres vegetable or chicken stock or cube Large handful strongly flavoured cheddar cheese, grated
Melt the butter and oil in a pan, add the sugar and slowly cook the onions until they are caramelised and brown (around 20 minutes). Add flour and stir constantly to prevent sticking. Warm the stock and add it slowly. Bring to the boil and simmer for 20 minutes. Pour into bowls, sprinkle cheese on top and serve while piping hot.
Serves 4
January 2015
The Onion magazine 33
EAT BY NICK FARLEY
Having just struggled (?) through a gluttonous and at times an admittedly bibulous Christmas and New Year we are taking a bit of a gastronomic break in January and it seems like a good time to consider what we are looking for as we eat out in 2015.
the whole experience for the diner better. Good service is at least 50% of the ‘eating out’ experience. Restaurants please, please take note.
Food The food is obviously important if you are going out to eat, but its importance, I think, needs to be kept in proportion. Eating out is an experience made up of food, service and that ghastly word ‘ambience’. We want good food, served well in decent surroundings, and that is a combination that’s surprisingly difficult to find.
“Please wait here to be seated” is, literally, the sign of a place which has its priorities wrong. I always ignore this stupid sign when I see it. I sit where I want and if the restaurant objects I go elsewhere. The restaurant is there for our benefit; serving us is the job they’ve chosen to do, so I do not bother to hang around waiting to be seated simply for their own convenience.
It’s rare these days to get bad food but it’s too common to get overpriced food and good food which is overpriced becomes ‘bad’ food. Furthermore, I’m not prepared to wait ages for food; good food becomes ‘bad’ food if I’ve waited an hour for it. I’m eating out for pleasure and making me wait ages to be served or making me pay £4 for one portion of vegetables on top of the price of the main course dims that pleasure more than a little. In fact, it dims it to such an extent that I won’t return and will advise others not to go either. Service I’m fed up with untrained, casual, couldn’t-care-less service. It has become the hallmark of English eateries at every level. First let me say loud and clear that the Editor and I are not ‘guys’. “What can I get you guys?” is usually the opening line of a disaster in three acts.
Background Music Let me tell any restaurant prepared to listen that the chances of your choosing the music which I want to hear as I eat are zero. You can be absolutely certain that the music you like is the music I hate with a passion. I don’t want to listen to your ghastly taste in music. Your tastes and mine do not coincide, I promise you. If you must play background music to take the edge off the total silence of a restaurant at opening time, which I fully understand, then please make sure that it is background music and not something loud and inappropriate to please the twelve year old behind the bar. And finally, is it too much to ask that I should eat in a comfortable temperature? I am fed up with paying through the nose to eat badly served, overpriced food in the freezing cold.
Why are waiters in England not trained to look around the restaurant as they move through it? They are there to anticipate and meet our needs and yet how often do we have to spend half the meal trying to attract their attention to place an order, to get something which they have forgotten or simply to pay the bill? Good waiters keep their eyes peeled as they move around and, as a result, they make more money for themselves and the restaurant, and most important, they make 34 The Onion magazine
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Stuart Kirk Freelance photographer
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January 2015
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The Onion magazine 35
Icklesham from Winchelsea Visitors to Winchelsea come to admire its gracious 18th and 19th century houses, tidily arranged around the grid of streets laid out by Edward I after a storm in 1287 had swept away the old town on the shoreline. Quays were built on the River Brede, and Winchelsea grew on its hilltop to become a prosperous walled town with 6,000 inhabitants (itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s about 2,800 today). It was affiliated to the Cinque Ports but its prosperity eventually proved its downfall, attracting French privateers who raided the town repeatedly and massacred the population. In addition, the river began to silt up so that by the 16th century Winchelsea had lost its access to the sea, leaving the town stranded on its remote hill. At the start, the walk follows the Royal Military Canal, constructed against the threat of Napoleonic invasion, and after this the going is on field paths and a quiet country lane. The walk description includes GPS waypoints. The walk The walk starts from the church at the centre of the town (TQ 905 173), which was designed as the hub of the 13th century reconstruction. As can be seen, it was originally a much larger building, only the chancel surviving the destruction caused by the French pirates (as you can see in the accompanying photograph, Ed.). From the church walk eastwards down the high street to pass the former post office and continue to come to Strand Gate, one of the three surviving gates into the town (the medieval walls have disappeared). From the gate descend Strand Hill and carefully cross the main road at the bottom. Turn right, pass the Bridge Inn and re-cross the A259 to the road to Winchelsea Beach. Cross the Royal Military Canal and take the path on the right (TQ 909 174), to follow the canalâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s east bank. The canal was excavated in 1804 when the threat of Napoleonic invasion was at its height. It sweeps eastwards in a great arc to Hythe, separating Romney Marsh from inland Kent. It served as a defensive moat and could be used to ferry troops quickly to vulnerable points. There are good views of the town from the banks of the canal and glimpses of the ruins of Greyfriars monastery through the trees. The going becomes easier after a stile leads to grazing land. Pass a bridge that takes a footpath over the canal and keep to the bank as it begins to swing left. Cross the wooden footbridge at the end of the bend (TQ 895 156), avoid the concrete bridge on the right and continue alongside the dyke. Enter the Pannel Valley Nature Reserve and pass a bird hide on the left. Take the next bridge on the 36 The Onion magazine
right, turn immediately right and then follow the track as it curves to the left between reedbeds to reach a gate near an old concrete outbuilding (TQ 891 156). Keep ahead uphill towards a house to a gate at the top and turn left through trees. Turn right on reaching a gate follow the path over two stiles and cross a drive to a kissing-gate. Go ahead across the field, making for a stile in the right-hand corner, followed by another stile. Keep right in the next field and follow the path to a stile leading out to the lane (TQ 886 159). Turn left, following the sign to Pett. There is a view to the left over marshes to Dungeness. There are more lovely views as the quiet lane drops down towards Pannel Bridge. Where the lane levels and turns left, take the track on the right to Little Pannel Farm. The right of way passes the front of the garden and then crosses the field to a metal gate at the top corner (TQ 876 155). Go through it and over the stile and plank bridge on the left. Bear right up the field, heading to the left of a large cattle shed onionmagazine.co.uk
and pass through the farmyard to a farm drive. Turn left at the end on to a lane that soon reaches the A259 at Icklesham. Turn right and walk through the village. The Queenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Head lies a short distance along Parsonage Lane, a left turning. Opposite the junction is Workhouse Lane. Take this turning and just past the village hall, turn left (TQ 879 164) to follow the 1066 Country Walk waymark. The path passes behind Icklesham church and skirts an orchard before passing to the right of an oast house. Turn right at the junction then turn left off the tarmac drive to go through the orchard. The postmill soon comes into view. Turn left at a lane after leaving the orchard. After 50 yds go left over a stile (TQ 885 160) to cross the meadow behind Icklesham windmill. There is a wonderful view from here. Turn left at a lane, but after 150 yds keep ahead to climb a stile and cross a field to the edge of trees. The 1066 Country Walk directs you straight across the field. Cross several stiles and cut off the field corner before reaching a lane (TQ 894 162). Cross it and the stile on the other side. The path runs parallel to the lane to another stile and then crosses the field towards Wickham Manor, a lovely 16th century house. Make for an electricity post to the right of outbuildings and cross stiles and the drive. Now head to the left of New Gate, the southern entry into medieval Winchelsea, to reach the corner of the field, where a stile takes the path over the Town Ditch. Follow the path as it drifts over to the right-hand side of the pasture and begin to approach the field slope. Cross two stiles with a bridleway in between and go left uphill towards a ruined building, probably a barn that once belonged to the Friary. Turn right to follow the road to the south side of the churchyard.
DISTANCE: 6.75 miles (10.8km) OS MAPS: Landranger 189 (Ashford and Romney Marsh), Explorer 124 (Hastings and Bexhill). ROUTE TERRAIN: Field, woodland and canalside paths; stretches of quiet road. STARTING POINT: The church at Winchelsea. On-street parking near the church. This is Walk 16 from the Pathfinder Guides No.67: East Sussex & the South Downs Walks, published by Crimson Publishing (www.crimsonpublishing.co.uk). OS maps available (Landranger 189, Explorer 124). Map above Š Crown copyright January 2015 Ordnance Survey Media 074/14.
Neither the publisher nor the author can accept any responsibility for any changes, errors or omissions in this route. Diversion orders can be made and permissions withdrawn at any time.
January 2015
The Onion magazine 37
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WIN! WE HAVE 2 SETS OF FABULOUS CHROMATIX HAIRDRYERS AND STRAIGHTENERS TO GIVE AWAY
Introducing Diva Chromatix: a range of high-performance, professional tools available in your favourite bold and bright colours. Choose from lime green, sky blue, purple haze, raspberry crush, cherry red, citrus orange, bright yellow, purest white and rubberised black. The Chromatix Dynamica3400Pro is a super-light yet powerful dryer. 4 heat and 2 speed settings and ionic conditioning mean faster drying, reduced static and frizz as well as added shine. RRP £49.99.
WIN! WE’VE TEAMED UP WITH LUXURY LIP BALM BRAND, DR. PAWPAW, TO OFFER FIVE LUCKY WINNERS THE CHANCE TO WIN SOME OF THEIR BESTSELLING PRODUCTS. Made from fermented Papaya, Olive Oil and Aloe Vera, the wonder balms offer a seriously nourishing formula filled with the vital vitamins and minerals lips need to keep hydrated and help aid skin repair. Each winner will nab all three balms in the range including Dr.PAWPAW Original Balm, Dr.PAWPAW Tinted Peach Pink and Dr.PAWPAW Tinted Ultimate Red. Dr.PAWPAW balms have fast become a hit with make-up artists, beauty bloggers and celebrities all over the country and are now available from Lloyds Pharmacy and Urban Outfitters. For more information please visit www.drpawpaw.com. For a chance to win Dr PawPaw product please send your name and address to competitions@ onionpublishing.co.uk with PAWPAW in the subject line. Winners will be drawn and notified after the closing date. The closing date is 27 January 2015.
The Chromatix Intelligent Digital Styler is a styling essential, whether its a straight, curled or waved look you’re after, it will provide professional results. Korean floating plates infused with argan oil offer a snag-free, super-smooth finish that is sure to get heads turning. RRP £69.99. Stockists – www.sallyexpress.com. For a chance to win a hairdryer and straighteners set please send your name and address to competitions@onionpublishing.co.uk with CHROMATIX in the subject line. Winners will be drawn and notified after the closing date. The closing date is 27 January 2015.
WIN! WE HAVE A CASE OF OLD DAIRY BREWERY BEER TO GIVE AWAY The Old Dairy Brewery is nestled deep in the heart of the ‘Garden of England’ just moments from the High Street in Tenterden, Kent. With glorious views over rolling countryside, the brewery is housed in two old World War II Nissen buildings next to the Kent & East Sussex Steam Railway. One has been converted into our new 30 barrel brewery, complete with shop (10% discount for Tenterden Loyalty card holders and CAMRA members), bar and meeting room (‘The Parlour’) while the second plays host to our offices and warehousing operation. In addition to The Old Dairy Brewery’s core beer range we add new, seasonal speciality beers to please our growing fan base. The core beers are the nostalgically named: • Red Top: a 3.8% abv ‘classic’ best bitter • Gold Top: a 4.3% abv golden pale ale • Blue Top: a 4.8% abv India pale ale For a chance to win a case of Red, Gold or Blue top please send your name and address to competitions@ onionpublishing.co.uk with OLDDAIRY in the subject line. Winners will be drawn and notified after the closing date. The closing date is 27 January 2015.
Please enter as directed above. Postal entries can also be sent to us at the address given on page three.
TERMS & CONDITIONS OF ENTRY: By entering these competitions you agree to receive periodic emails from The Onion magazine, Onion Publishing Ltd and the originator of the competition you are entering. You can opt out of receiving these at any time and your data will never be passed on for use by third parties. The prizes are non-transferable and have no cash alternative. Only one entry per person per competition and prizes will only be sent to homes with a TN postcode.
The Barberof Seville Rossini’s comic masterpiece of sparkling music and irrepressible characters St Mildred’s Church Church Road Tenterden, Kent TN30 6AT Sat 14 February 2015 at 7.30pm Tickets: £17.50 Box Office:
Smith’s Florist 01580 761 356
or friendsofstmildreds@gmail.com www.tenterdencofe.org or www.merryopera.co.uk Directed by John Ramster Music Director Stephen Hose
The Merry Opera Company www.merryopera.co.uk REGISTERED CHARITY NO 1127392