gallop after her, huffing in concentration, trying to catch the wind. Mom was spinning in circles, waiting for me, and when I got to her, slamming against her legs, she scooped me up and twirled me for a second before she tripped, burdened with the sudden weight of me, soft and scrawny and small. We both tumbled to the ground, rolling over each other, my arms tangled in her hair. Lewis was yelling, jumping up in quick, jerky leaps, clutching the neck of his bear each time his feet touched the ground. We were delighted, oblivious to Lewis’s worry, laughing together in a breathless heap. Mom grabbed my hand, our fingers laced. And we laughed, a waterfall of sound—laughing and laughing and laughing until mom was crying, her face wet with the slippery gleam of her tears. # “It was a nice funeral,” Bryan said, breaking the silence and with it the fragile peace we’d cobbled together. He knocked on the window with a knuckle and then smiled, crooked, from the corner of his mouth. “Very respectful, I thought. Earnest.” He conspicuously avoided looking at dad, flicking his eyes instead from Lewis in the seat next to him up to me, where I hadn’t been able to stop myself from turning back to stare at him. “At least in my opinion.” “Yeah, and no one asked you, Bryan,” Lewis spat, his eyes on his phone, the thick lines of his eyebrows so furrowed they almost met. It was the first time I’d heard him speak since we’d gotten in Patrick’s van that morning. “Well maybe they should have,” Bryan said, voice like a drip of molasses. I hated him a little then, no longer willing to cut him any slack. We were all angry, we were all sad, but none of the rest of us wanted to wield that grief like a knife the way Bryan did. Dad cracked open another beer, and the pop from the can was loud as a shot. He drank loudly, taking his time, slurping it down, smacking his lips. It was cheap beer; I could smell it. My head already hurt and that wasn’t helping, making it throb. I pressed my fingers to my temple and shut my eyes. “Yep. It was a nice funeral, Bryan,” dad said. Lewis grunted. “Glad to see we’re all of one mind there. Lots of flowers.” “Yeah, sure, real nice,” Lewis said. “Bryan was drunk, Corinne locked herself in the bathroom to cry, and one of Patrick’s stupid kids pissed themselves during the goddamn prayer.” HANNAH MADONNA
49
