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Mental illnesses' ripple effect on family and friends

Fact Files:

by Cassie White When someone you love is diagnosed with a mental illness, it can have significant effects on your own physical and mental health.

Published 13/05/2013

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But this is just the tip of the iceberg, when you take into account the ripple effect mental illness can have on the partners, family and friends of those who are unwell.

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Fiona's story

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Fiona was first diagnosed with depression, after leaving home to go to university when she was 19.

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"It was my mother who stepped in and said "something's not right," she says.

Anxiety Disorders

"I wouldn't listen, then all of a sudden fell in a heap and had a breakdown. That's when I thought. 'I need help'".

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Her mother, Felicity says: "It was a hard year. We didn't realize at first how ill Fiona was.

My husband and I moved to Canberra to support her, so that she could finish her year and transfer to a university back in Sydney, and that is exactly what happened."

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Excerpt taken from Snapshots: Fiona at SANE Australia.

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Elsewhere on ABC Mark Lamprell: The full ridiculous Life Matters Alleged Washington gunman reported to have been suffering from mental health issues The World Today Don't worry, be happy The World Today

Exactly how someone's mental illness impacts on those around them depends on the individual and their diagnosis, but many carers find themselves dealing with the effects of the mental illness while continuing to juggle work, family and finances.

Elsewhere on the web

A report by Wesley Mission suggests carers often feel the effects on their own mental health, other relationships in their lives and their finances.

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SANE Australia Watching a loved one struggle with mental illness is stressful and the additional workload that comes with caring can add to this stress, says Jack Heath, chief executive officer of SANE Australia.

SANE Australia helpline: 1800 18 SANE (7263)

"For some people, caring can be providing emotional support on a daily basis, offering encouragement and ensuring people get the services and treatment they need," he explains.

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"For illnesses where the incident is more episodic and you don't know when the illness might take hold, it's a question of staying on guard and closely monitoring how your loved one is travelling."

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Being able to identify mental illness in someone you know and love can be difficult, but Heath says early intervention is critical.

"For the more common mental disorders, like depression and anxiety, treatments are out there and the recovery rates are very high," he says.

The general advice is if someone you know has been unusually low for more than two weeks, or is behaving abnormally, they may need professional help.

Clinical psychologist Dr Suzy Green, from The Positivity Institute, says it's important to approach the person when you're both calm.

"Ask if they have five minutes to talk. Let them know that your intention is not to be nosey or overstep the mark, but to see if they are okay, because you've noticed they're not themselves lately," she says.

"Then ask if there is anything you can do to help. They may initially flatly refuse, but if you keep working on the relationship, then over time they may be more willing to open up."

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When that happens, Green stresses the importance of recommending they see a GP. "While you can be a good listener, you need to gently encourage them to find a mental health professional – we need to lose the stigma of seeking help," she says.

A GP can then discuss treatment options depending on the diagnosis. If need be, you can offer to go along for support when they have their appointment.

Reducing family toll Mental illness can also take an emotional toll on entire families, Heath says.

"Treatments that involve the whole family can lead to better results," he says.

A therapist will teach loved ones how to be supportive and communicate with each other better, reducing conflict.

"Sometimes this is not possible, but mental health professionals can do a lot more to involve families."

Taking care of you Given that caring for someone with mental illness increases your own risk of depression, experts say it's important to look after yourself and know your limits.

It's normal to feel a whole range of emotions, such as guilt, fear, anger and sadness under these circumstances; however, learning more about the condition can help you to understand what's going on for your loved one and knowing how you can help.

"You can't be responsible for their recovery as much as you aren't responsible for them," says Green.

"But what you can take responsibility for, is being a key support person in their life. Don't assume you know what they need – ask them."

It's also vital to unplug from the situation and maintaining contact with other people in your life.

"It's important you connect with other people and share their experiences on how best to cope," Heath says.

"As a carer, you need to enjoy life and not become over-burdened.

"Take time to reflect on the things you're grateful for; savour things; go and have a nice meal and other small things you really enjoy. If you can't look after yourself, it's hard to help others."

Lifeline recommends carers regularly ask themselves: l l l l l l

Do I get enough breaks from caring?

Have I got regular times for relaxation?

Am I getting regular exercise?

Am I eating nutritious meals?

Do I get enough sleep?

Do I have someone I trust to talk to?

Fiona's story Fiona's illness has made her and her mother, Felicity, very close.

'I've learnt to tune in to her mood,' Felicity says. "We understand each other well and can read how the other is feeling. I always know from her voice or when I see her if things are getting too much."

"My mother doesn't realise how fantastic she's been," Fiona says. "When I try to tell her she just replies 'But that's my job!'"

Excerpt taken from Snapshots: Fiona at SANE Australia.

Red flags for carers Tragically, suicide rates among people with a mental illness remain high and experts say there are certain signals to look for.

"The critical sign is seeing a sudden change in behaviour, particularly when someone had been down, frustrated or consistently angry – and then things are suddenly okay," Heath says.

"That can often be a sign that the person has devised a suicide plan and feels they've got a way out of their dilemma."

He also urges friends and family to be aware of talk about being "a burden".

"Listen out for phrases like 'the world would be better off without me' and if they are withdrawing and not engaging in the normal social connections they usually have," he says.

Mentally unwell men in particular are at risk of hurting other people, especially if they've been self-

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medicating with drugs or alcohol, says Jonathan Nicholas, chief executive officer of The Inspire Foundation.

"If someone has explosive or persistent anger – a short fuse – that's a real concern and needs to be addressed, because they could cause harm to someone," he explains. "They need to know that it's okay to be angry, but they have to manage their emotions better."

If someone's life is in danger, for emergency help call 000, or head to the nearest hospital.

For 24-hour telephone counselling services, call: l l l

Lifeline 13 11 14 Kids Help Line 1800 55 1800 Mensline Australia 1300 789 978

More info l

Australian Men's Shed Association

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Caring for a partner with bipolar disorder - ABC Health & Wellbeing Mind and mood page - ABC Health & Wellbeing

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(7 comments)

Lifeline SANE Australia SANE Australia helpline: 1800 18 SANE (7263) Carers Australia Black Dog Institute Beyond Blue Mental Health Carers Arafmi Australia

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