ask mh I’m always overthinking problems. How can I get my mind to stop? – IL Don’t hit the brakes; turn the wheel. Whatever the problem – relationship, work, family – you’ll feel better if you keep moving forward, doing something. Dwelling on the future can be frustrating, exhausting and even pointless because you can’t completely control what’s going to happen, says psychiatrist Dr Jeffrey Borenstein. “Get rid of the notion that you have to fix everything at once,” he says. Instead, try writing down the steps you’ll take to set a solution in motion. Then list at least three
Ask the MH girls the questions you can’t ask anyone else. They’re three women with strong opinions, so don’t expect sugarcoated responses Got a question for Ask Men’s Health or The Girls in the Office? Email menshealth@pacificmags.com.au or head to yahoo7.com.au/menshealth.
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do-able goals within each of the larger steps you’ve outlined. Give yourself a break and hit the gym or read a book for half an hour to regain perspective. Then dive back in. As you cross things off your list, you’ll see your progress and regain a feeling of control, says Borenstein. Finally, to fend off excess rumination in the future, try meditation. In a study at McGill University, eight weeks of a mindfulnessbased stress-reduction program helped people limit their over-thinking.
Q
I’ve been invited to a hookah lounge. It’s not like smoking cigarettes, right? – KD Don’t be fooled: sucking on a hookah (or shisha) pipe is as dangerous as any other kind of smoking. Sure, it’s a water pipe, the tobacco’s flavoured and it feels exotic. But it’s hardly safe, says public health expert Dr Mary Martinasek. Studies estimate that in a typical session, which usually lasts at least 45 minutes, you can inhale about 10 times as much carbon monoxide, 40 times as much tar and 30 times as many carcinogens as you would from a single cigarette. What’s more, just two hours in a hookah lounge can cause nausea, headaches and dizziness
I’m 32, I live with my mum and I have no plans to move out. I swear I’m not a mummy’s boy but Dad’s not around anymore so I want to make sure Mum’s okay and not lonely. Plus, we’re great mates – more like flatmates than mother and son. There’s no awkwardness for us when I bring girls home, but I’m worried it might be for them. Is my living situation a turn-off? – PL Cassie Honestly, not for me. If you explained it to me during a date exactly like you did just then, I’d go home with you, bang you immediately, then have a cuppa with your mum. Alice I’m down with it, PL. Your compassion is commendable but the only
in some smokers and even in nonsmokers just hanging out. That’s because of the carbon monoxide emanating from the hookah’s charcoal, which is still present in the tobaccofree varieties. Still not convinced? A study by the Mayo Clinic found that even occasionally smoking a tobacco-free hookah can impair recovery of your lung cells, which can contribute to future lung diseases. Sharing a pipe or second-hand smoke can also increase your risk of the common cold and more serious diseases, such as TB.
red flag I’ll raise is this: what happens when you want to have a family of your own? Just be wary of becoming too reliant – that goes for you and your roomie. Crystelle Sorry to break it to you, PL but, yeah, kind of. I’d understand if you were 20, but you’re not. By 32 we kind of expect you to have your shit together. And while it’s great that you’re best mates with your mum, no girl wants to have wild sex while she’s knitting tea cosies in the room next door.
Q
My girlfriend found out that I occasionally masturbate to porn. She flew off the handle and moved out of the bedroom. It’s been three weeks and I’m still getting the silent treatment. Am I in the wrong here? Our sex life is great but, c’mon, I’m a dude! – AW Crystelle Not at all, AW! Unless by “occasionally” you mean “daily” – which is taking it a bit far when you live with your lady. For the sake of peace, I’d apologise and tell her that 99.9 per cent of the time you think of her while doing it. Fingers crossed it works. Cassie Failing to see the problem here – it’s one less time she has to do it! Your woman sounds like a complete punish. Alice I’m with you Cass but, AW, understand that you’ve put a dent in your lady’s ego. Knowing that she’s competing with Candy Whoppers from your heavily thumbed fold-out section is far from a copulation confidence booster, despite playing the “biological necessity” card. Perhaps park the solo sessions until she comes around.
Q
My brother’s paying for his new girlfriend’s boob job. There’s no way this relationship will last and he’s going to get stuck paying off her oversized additions while she runs off flashing them to new blokes. Should I try to make him see reason, or will I just end up being the bad guy? – RT Cassie Who cares if you do – make him see reason, whatever it takes. Imagine how you’d feel if you were left to foot the bill for boobs you couldn’t even enjoy. Cut up his credit card if you have to. Alice Your bro should be focusing on inflating her self-esteem rather than pumping up her fun-bags, RT. Crystelle Stay out of it, RT! If your brother is dumb enough to cough up the cash then he could probably do with an expensive lesson.
Q
I know hipsters can pull them off, but seriously, ladies, do you actually like dudes sporting beards? – HA Crystelle There’s nothing sexier than a bit of facial hair. Just as long as you keep it trim, the ladies should love it. Cassie I love a short and neat beard, HA. Unless it’s ginger. In which case shave that sucker off and burn the evidence. And definitely no ZZ Top action . . . Alice Blasphemy, Cass! Everyone has the right to a shaving time-out, especially those blessed with Fanta-pants locks. No matter the length, facial hair is on par with suits; fashioning them automatically makes you infinitely more attractive. Guys, put the razor down and embrace your facial follicles.