Ask Dangerous kink
I’m aroused by the idea of being cheated on. Is that abnormal? – MF You dream about the average bloke’s worst nightmare? Probably not normal. Society primes men to believe that women view sex and love as inseparable. (Whether women truly think that way is another story.) So when a man imagines his partner wrapping her legs around – and thus falling in love with – another guy, he usually experiences shame and rage that overpower any inkling of arousal, says marriage and family therapist Dr Katherine Hertlein. For you, shame elicits a different reaction. “Some people have been conditioned to associate humiliation with arousal,” says Hertlein. “For example, if you’re masturbating and someone walks in, you’re humiliated and at the same time aroused. Your body starts to associate the two.” If you keep your fantasy in your head, you’ll be fine. But if you want your girl to stray or do something that could harm your relationship, you should see a sex and relationship therapist.
The skinny on milk
I want to shed flab. I should switch from full-fat to skim milk, right? – JP Skim milk is like a theatre’s matinée performance: it stars the same vitamins and minerals as whole milk, but it costs less in kilojoules (275 fewer per cup). Of course, that kilojoule savings comes at the expense of fat, so some people feel that skim has a bland taste and watery consistency that make it undrinkable. Worst case: you make the switch and end up consuming less milk, which could hurt your effort to lose weight. That’s because, according to several studies, milk drinkers are slimmer than people who ditch dairy. Plus, milk is one of the best dietary sources of vitamin D, a fat-fighting nutrient that boosts metabolism. “If you hate fat-free and don’t feel as satiated, try low-fat instead,” says dietitian and nutritionist Dr Stella Volpe. “If you make small changes that don’t feel like a sacrifice then you’re more likely to stick to them.”
s l r i G e h t k s A Office in the
Alice
Crystelle
Ask the MH girls the questions you can’t ask anyone else. They’re three women with strong opinions, so don’t expect sugar-coated responses My regular booty call is no longer responding to my direct requests for late-night fun. How should I refine my texting finesse to ensure I bring home some booty? – BR Alice I’m going to sit this one out, BR, because any guy whose goal in life is to “bring home some booty” falls in the lostcause category. Crystelle Sigh. Cassie All right, I’ll take this one: it’s not your “texting finesse” that’s the issue, dude, it’s you – you sound like a dick. Plus, it probably has something to do with finding herself a bloke who wants to see her during the day as well, perhaps? Where do you draw the line between sexually inventive and sexually deviant? My girlfriend reckons I’m a colossal pervert. – AS Cassie When you start eyeing up Fido, you’ve crossed that line. Alice One couple’s handcuffs may be another duo’s horseplay, AS, so it’s hard to generalise. I’d take your girlfriend’s new tagline for you as a heads up that you’re verging on the perve territory. Crystelle Erm, you’re girlfriend calling you a “colossal pervert” isn’t the best sign, AS. Have you been watching too many XXX-rated pornos? I feel like these give blokes totally unrealistic expectations. I hooked up with this girl on holiday. She lives interstate so we’ve been sending each other emails that make 50 Shades
look tame. My worry is that when we meet up next month, I won’t be able to live up to the levels of expectation we’ve created. What do I do? – WR Crystelle Hot tip, WR, your long-distance lady will be just as nervous as you (if not more so). Plus, I’m guessing she won’t actually want you to get hot and filthy in the first 30 seconds. Take your time and things will flow from there. Cassie Cancel the trip. These things always play out much better in your head. There’s no way your real-life sexcapades will be as raunchy as those you’ve manufactured. Wouldn’t it be more awesome to let this thing run its course, then forever have the perverted memories (and emails) saved in your spank bank to call on whenever you want? Alice Time to get your head in the gutter, WR. You obviously have the creative capacity to compose raunchy content, so try to tap into that psyche. That said, it’s an idea to take my advice to AS and let the girl dictate the experience. You might find she’s more comfortable letting loose sitting behind a screen, too. My girlfriend wants to watch gay porn (the male kind) with me. I feel uncomfortable with this. She says I’m uptight. – TP Crystelle Wow, weird. Maybe give it five minutes? If you’re super not happy about it, though, just be honest and hold your ground. No-one likes a pushover. Alice Do you make her watch girl-on-girl action, TP? If so, it’s
only fair you get an eye-full of a penile party. Cassie I’m with Alice and your girl here, TP. You blokes are always banging on about lesbian action – enough already! Sex is a two-way (and sometimes threeand four-way) street – so it’s time to Suck. It. Up, big boy. After five years of seriously playing the field, I’ve finally met someone I really see a future with. But I know that she’ll ask how many partners I’ve had. It’s in the hundreds. Do I have to tell the truth? – AZ Alice What up, player! I don’t condone lying, but you have my blessing to round down, in a very generous manner, to lessen the sleaze-related shock. Breaking into triple figures is going to sting, so perhaps settle for anything capped under 99. Another alternative? Momentary amnesia. Crystelle Do NOT tell her, AZ! I would be majorly unimpressed if I were her! Avoid answering this question at all costs. If she’s persistent, try, “Why’s that important to you? You’re the only girl I care about – and I’m not into playing games like this.” Hopefully she’ll leave it there . . . Cassie Don’t try to talk around it; just lie and give her a number. May I suggest 15? If a guy was honest with me about having hundreds of partners, I’d see him less as a person and more as an STD factory. I’m not calling you a tart, but you can’t dip your nib in the ink that many times and not damage your quill, if you know what I’m sayin’.
Got a question for Ask Men’s Health or The Girls in the Office? Email menshealth@pacificmags.com.au or head to yahoo7.com.au/menshealth.
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Cassie