WellBeing: 'Pathways to a new you'

WISDOM self-reinvention

Pathways to a

New You

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BY CASSIE WHITE ave you ever felt like you’re coasting j^hek]^ b_\[ _Zb_d] _d Òhij ][Wh5 Eh _d a moment of panicked clarity, realised that life isn’t quite turning out as you’d fbWdd[Z5 ?jÉi dej kdkikWb je h[Ó[Yj ed b_\[ but it can be confronting to realise that you’re trapped in an existence or body that simply doesn’t match the person you are or the person you’d always dreamed you’d be.

Your heart and imagination want something other than what is currently mapped out.

Eventually, it may all become too much; your life’s disappointments spiralling into a major life upheaval, or those private yearnings for more beginning to invade every thought. Whatever the starting point, it can set in motion a rebirthing or, with conscious effort, a self-reinvention.

Waking up one day aged 40, newly divorced and on the pension after a successful dot-com career came crashing down, Kate Marie was teetering on a knife’s edge. To make matters worse, her relationship with her children was strained and her health was declining. Marie likens life at that time to being glued to a rat-wheel that she couldn’t get off. ”You get to 40 and think, ‘What else is j^[h[5 M^Wj ^Wl[ ? Zed[ j^_i \eh5 ?i j^_i Wbb j^[h[ _i5 ?Éc fWo_d] W cehj]W][ WdZ arguing with my husband and children WdZ ?Éc dej h[Wbbo cWa_d] W Yedjh_Xkj_ed X[YWki[ ?Éc jee j_h[Z"ÉÇ i^[ iWoi$ Æ? `kij crashed and virtually had a nervous Xh[WaZemd$ ? mWi ][jj_d] h[Wbbo \hWppb[Z and aggressive and just not coping.” ?j mWi Zkh_d] ^[h j_c[ Wj [cej_edWb heYa bottom that Marie put in motion a total life transformation in a bid to reclaim her life

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WdZ ijWhj WY^_[l_d] ^[h Zh[Wci$ Ç? ijWhj[Z Wd intensive period of personal development, reading self-development books, meditating, soul searching and facing some hard jhkj^i"Ç CWh_[ [nfbW_di$ Æ? Z_ZdÉj mWdj je i[jjb[ ed Wd ehZ_dWho b_\[$ ? ^WZ Wbb j^[i[ Wif_hWj_edi _d co ^[WZ" ie ? j^ek]^j" ÈM[bb" ? ^Wl[ je cWa[ W Y^Wd][É WdZ X[]Wd W bej ceh[ ]eWb#i[jj_d]$ ? mWdj[Z je Ze m^Wj[l[h _j jeea \eh c[ je i^_\j edje j^_i fWj^ ? ad[m was there for me but for some reason had weeds all over it.”

Marie describes her reinvention as a ÆfW_d\kb h[X_hj^_d] e\ [l[hoj^_d]Ç WXekj ^[hi[b\" m^[h[ i^[ ÒnWj[Z ed ijh_ff_d] WmWo the raw outer layers of anger and sadness to ÒdZ j^Wj d[m" kdXb[c_i^[Z l[hi_ed e\ ^[hi[b\ underneath — the new self with potential. Æ? meha[Z h[Wbbo ^WhZ WdZ X[YWc[ eXi[ii[Z m_j^ mWdj_d] je cWa[ j^_i Y^Wd][$ ?j mWi b_a[ ]_l_d] X_hj^ W]W_d$ ? mWi Wj _j (*%-$ ÆOek cWa[ W Z[Y_i_ed je Ze j^_i reinvention and then you’ve got to put out another projection — a different person \hec m^e oek Wh[ dem Å WdZ iec[^em ÒdZ the faith that you can get there.”

Although turning 40 may have been the catalyst for Marie’s experience, selfreinvention can come along at any stage of life. Counsellor Julie Parker, who specialises _d mec[dÉi _iik[i" ki[i ;b_pWX[j^ =_bX[hjÉi experience in her book Eat Pray Love as an example of extreme self-reinvention. She acknowledges that not everyone can have it or needs to go through it on that level.

But she says it can be a deeply personal, transformational experience. ÆIec[ f[efb[ j^_da j^Wj W jejWb i[b\# reinvention is getting a new haircut after

they break up with their boyfriend. That’s something that makes them feel fantastic WdZ ]_l[i j^[c W YedÒZ[dY[ b_\j eh W Xeeij" so they get a lot of positive reinforcement out of that. ÆJ^[h[ Wh[ ej^[h f[efb[ m^e i[[ i[b\# reinvention as something much deeper than that, involving potentially an enormous amount of change, with possibly some therapy and counselling to go with it to break old habits and patterns. There is often a lot of personal development: reading, maybe the shedding of some relationships and a new way of thinking and outlook on life.”

A REASON FOR CHANGE Whatever the level of change a person cWo kdZ[h]e" FWha[h ÒdZi j^Wj _d ceij cases there’s a catalyst that propels them towards a new life. She explains that generally it can happen in two different mWoi$ ÆEd[ _i j^Wj j^[oÉl[ ^WZ iec[j^_d] fantastic happen in their life — something of a watershed moment — so they see that as a catalyst to make further positive changes to the way they look, think, act, feel and who they relate to. ÆJ^[ ej^[h mWo _j ^Wff[di _i" WdZ j^_i _i more common, it begins because someone is unhappy or they’re not feeling good WXekj j^[ fbWY[ j^[oÉh[ _d"Ç i^[ [nfbW_di$ Æ?j could be something such as the breakdown e\ W cWhh_W][$ ?j c_]^j X[ cel_d] ed from a job they didn’t enjoy, being made redundant, or just having a negative experience that impacted on their self[ij[[c eh YedÒZ[dY[$ ÆGk_j[ e\j[d" W\j[h h[bWj_edi^_f Xh[Wa#kfi f[efb[ j^_da" È?jÉi j_c[ je ÒdZ me now’,

“I wanted to do whatever it took for me to shift onto this path I knew was there for me but for some reason had weeds all over it.”

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WISDOM self-reinvention There is often a lot of personal development involved in selfreinvention: reading, maybe the shedding of some relationships and a new outlook on life.

HAVING IT ALL ?d fh[l_eki ][d[hWj_edi _j mWi ][d[hWbbo understood that bearing children, keeping a good house and looking after a husband were the things women were destined to Ze$ Ekh f[hiedWb ^ef[i WdZ Wif_hWj_edi were never really considered important.

But Parker says that is no longer the case. ?d j^_i W][ e\ ^Wl_d] _j Wbb" \hec Y^_bZ^eeZ women are encouraged to dream big because there are no limits to what we can

“The modern woman, in particular, is encouraged je ^Wl[ _j Wbb$ E\ Yekhi[" j^[h[Éi W Ó_f i_Z[ je j^Wj$ It can sometimes create situations where we are constantly striving for something and not actually enjoying life and the journey as we go on.” ^_cÉ Xkj ? ZedÉj j^_da j^WjÉi W ]eeZ mWo je ijWhj _j$ ?\ j^[oÉh[ Ze_d] _j X[YWki[ j^[o want to feel better about themselves, that’s W ]eeZ h[Wied \eh h[_dl[dj_ed" Xkj ? ZedÉj think revenge or spite are healthy. People should do it to improve their lives, not make someone else’s worse.”

Parker agrees that before you begin a transformation it’s vital to know that you’re jhkbo Ze_d] _j \eh oekhi[b\$ ÆI[b\#h[_dl[dj_ed _i iec[j^_d] j^WjÉi edbo X[d[ÒY_Wb _\ _jÉi actively being driven by the internal desires, dreams, hopes and wants of an individual \eh j^[ci[bl[i$ ?\ iec[ed[ _i _dj[dZ_d] je reinvent or change themself for someone else, we all know where that can end up.

When you try to be someone you’re not, which is exactly what that would be, it’s not going to work. Eventually it will bring some sort of internal breakdown because you’ll be living your life as an imposter.”

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achieve. However, this can also be a source of enormous pressure. ÆJ^_i [dj_h[ YedY[fj e\ WY^_[l_d] Wbb your dreams and goals and being the best individual person you can be is now something that’s not only accepted but also supported by people around us. The modern woman, in particular, is encouraged to have _j Wbb$ E\ Yekhi[" j^[h[Éi W Ó_f i_Z[ je j^Wj$ ?j can sometimes create situations where we are constantly striving for something and not actually enjoying life and the journey as we go on.” :kh_d] ^[h jhWdi_j_ed \hec X[_d] unhealthy, overweight and depressed, Marie found there was little in the way of credible information to help her back to wellness. She used her self-reinvention to write a book, Fast Living, Slow Ageing, which aims to help other people who want to keep living healthy and \kbÒbb_d] b_l[i j^hek]^ j^[ W][_d] fheY[ii$

Æ?jÉi h[Wbbo W j_c[ e\ m_iZec" j^Wj f[h_eZ — wisdom, self-analysis and time to look at how much we can love and how much we YWd ]_l[ XWYa WhekdZ ki$ ?jÉi edbo _d j^[ fWij 50-odd years that we’ve been given this time WdZ ? ZedÉj j^_da f[efb[ h[Wb_i[ j^Wj$Ç

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KNUCKLING DOWN EdY[ CWh_[ Z[Y_Z[Z i^[ mWdj[Z je b[WZ W healthy, balanced life and put into action a plan to achieve that, she says people and [l[dji mekbZ Æi[h[dZ_f_jekiboÇ cWj[h_Wb_i[ to help her along the way. But it wasn’t without plenty of hard work, tears and souli[WhY^_d]$ Æ? Wia[Z \eh ]k_ZWdY[ WdZ _j ibembo YWc[ ed[ ij[f Wj W j_c[$ ? ijWhj[Z meha ed j^[ Xeea1 ? ijWhj[Z X[_d] ^[Wbj^o1 ? iehj[Z ekj co h[bWj_edi^_f m_j^ co a_Zi$ Ed[ j^_d] ? b[Whd[Z is you don’t have to worry about getting there; you just have to go through the process. Æ8o mh_j_d] Zemd m^Wj oek mWdj" oekÉbb achieve it, but it’s very hard work in that it means you have to look at parts of you that aren’t working and make changes. You’ve got to accept parts of you that aren’t good but at the same time you also move to improve the functionality of the being you are. Æ?\ oek mWdj je h[_dl[dj oekhi[b\" _jÉi W multi-factorial task. You’re changing the way oek Òbj[h _d\ehcWj_ed WdZ j^[d h[WYj$ OekÉh[ changing what you do with your body and the way you’re thinking about your future. ?jÉi Wbb WXekj ][jj_d] ekj e\ oekh Yec\ehj ped[$ J^[ Yec\ehj ped[Éi dej Yec\ehjWXb[ m^[d oek h[Wbbo [nWc_d[ _j$ ?jÉi kikWbbo W rotten place to be but we know it so well we want to stay there.”

LIVING IN THE MOMENT Parker agrees with Marie’s idea that the key to successfully navigating the self-reinvention process is to set goals and put a plan in place to achieve them. But she also stresses the

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particularly women, who can sometimes get so deeply intertwined in a relationship that they can lose their sense of self.

Beginning a self-reinvention phase is a mWo \eh j^[c je h[YbW_c WdZ ÒdZ ekj m^e they are.”

Suellen Hughes specialises in helping women through each step of their selfreinvention process by providing tools, resources and access to experts on everything around wellness and lifestyle.

She says her clientele range from divorcees and women who are sick of sitting around the house in trackies to corporate highÓ_[hi Z[if[hWj[ \eh W Y^Wd][ e\ fWY[$ Æ?j really is people saying, ‘There must be more je b_\[ j^Wd j^_i$ ? mWdj je ÒdZ j^Wj j^_d] that makes me want to live and jump out of bed each day’, and there’s something really deep about that. Æ? jho je jWba je j^[c \hec W YeWY^_d] perspective and draw out what’s going ed$ J^[ Òhij j^_d] ? Ze m_j^ Wbb Yb_[dji _i sit down and go through a detailed interview to understand what’s happening in their lives, what they are and aren’t happy with and really try to draw all of that out with them.”

Hughes has also found that, unfortunately, relationship breakdowns are often the trigger for a major life change.

Although that’s not necessarily a bad thing, she says it’s important to do it for the right h[Wiedi$ ÆMec[d iWo" È?Éc ]e_d] je i^em

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WISDOM self-reinvention _cfehjWdY[ e\ b_l_d] _d j^[ cec[dj$ Æ7 bej e\ _j ^Wi je Ze m_j^ XWbWdY[$ ?jÉi WXekj Yh[Wj_d] W world where you do set goals for yourself and the future and you do look after your mind, body and spirit in a way that’s going to see you be here for many decades to come. But it’s about loving yourself and enjoying your life in the everyday. Æ?jÉi dej WXekj hki^_d] _dje j^_d]i Wbb the time but about enjoying things in your life and making sure you’re working in a `eX j^Wj h[Wbbo ikffehji WdZ iWj_iÒ[i oek"Ç i^[ iWoi$ Æ?jÉi WXekj X[_d] _d j^Wj fh[i[dj cec[dj WdZ dej iWo_d]" È?Ébb X[]_d je jWa[ YWh[ e\ coi[b\ d[nj cedj^ eh d[nj o[Wh$É ?jÉi WXekj ijWhj_d] je Ze j^Wj h_]^j dem$ ?\ oek don’t then you won’t be able to achieve those goals that you’re setting, anyway.”

Although Parker does acknowledge that

You ask for the solution and it will come along.

Don’t just wait for the system to bring it. You have to solve it. That’s your journey as a human. our lives are very complex and it’s often not a case of simply being able to change a i_jkWj_ed m[Éh[ kd^Wffo m_j^$ Æ?\ j^[h[Éi ed[ particular part of our life that’s not working very well — for example, our career — we have to try very hard to make sure it doesn’t begin to automatically drag down every other part of our life,” she says. ÆJ^[h[ Wh[ iec[j_c[i h[Wiedi f[efb[ Ze need to stay in jobs and they do need to stay in particular situations but there are always options for people to move on. The most _cfehjWdj j^_d] ?ÉZ ik]][ij \eh iec[ed[ to do if they were in that situation is to immediately begin some way they can exit ekj e\ j^Wj$ :[l[bef W h[Wbbo j_]^j fbWd WdZ talk to other people and get their support

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and input about ways you might be able to move on. Someone might know someone who can offer you something else. ÆI^Wh_d] m^Wj m[Éh[ ]e_d] j^hek]^ _d an area of our life that’s not working very well can actually be a watershed time or watershed moment because it can open up doors to other possibilities.”

Coming out the other side of her selfreinvention, Marie says all the hard work and hard truths were worth it because she’s dem ed W Yecfb[j[bo Z_\\[h[dj b_\[ fWj^$ Æ?Éc \kbbo WmWa[ je m^Wj ? ^Wl[ je Ze _d b_\[ WdZ ^em ?Éc ]e_d] je Ze _j$ ?Éc b[Whd_d] je ij[f kf je co fej[dj_Wb WdZ ?Éc Ze_d] m^Wj[l[h _j

jWa[i$ J^[ X_]][ij j^_d] ? \ekdZ mWi j^Wj j^[ answers to everything are under your nose. ÆJ^[oÉh[ j^[h[" ie oekÉl[ ]ej je Ze inventory control every now and then and j^_da" ÈEA" ? ^Wl[ Wd _iik[ ^[h[ Å m^[h[ YWd ? beea kdZ[h co dei[ je iebl[ _j5É ?Él[ \ekdZ that there is always a solution but you have je ]e ekj WdZ WYj_l[bo ÒdZ _j$ Oek Wia \eh j^[ iebkj_ed WdZ _j m_bb Yec[ Wbed]$ :edÉj `kij wait for the system to bring it. You have to solve it. That’s your journey as a human.”

Cassie White is a journalist and freelance writer who is interested in natural health and loves learning new ways to live a great life.