Ordinary: For She Who Is Not by Cassie Matchim

ORDINary for she who is not

table of

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contents You Are Welcome

Broken: The 8-year-old mom

The Anatomy of Extraordinary Debunking the myths of the female rise to success

Lessons from the Stereo

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Ordinary STaff Editors Cassie Matchim Izzy Olaore Photographers David Mancao Krantzy Boursiquot Designers Cassie Matchim Izzy Olaore contributors Camaren Humphrey-Davis Geovanny Ragsdale Janita Herod Januwoina Nixon Lisa Clark Diller Marci Corea Margie Mancao Ruth Williams models Camaren Humphrey-Davis Geovanny Ragsdale Januwoina Nixon Lisa Clark Diller Marci Corea Margie Mancao Rebeca Amich Ruth Williams

Editors' Note Dear Readers, e picked up one woman’s magazine after the other, flipping through them as we walked down the rack. The latest diet, how to keep your house clean in 5 easy steps and a new beauty craze guaranteed to make you look 10 years younger. As the repetition of the same topics became more obvious, we started getting quite upset. Why do women’s magazine target the same few things? We see how the media has misrepresented the idea of extraordinary, defining it as a goal just outside the ordinary woman’s reach, when in actuality the opposite is the case. That’s why we created Ordinary: For She Who Is Not. There is so much more to a woman than makeup, weight loss or cleaning supplies. We know you can have a career and no kids if you want to. You can hate typical “girly” things and love to work with your hands. You can be the top of your profession or workplace. You’re not limited to traditional gender roles. You can be yourself, and that in itself is extraordinary. For our first issue, we’ve brought on a team of women who will inspire you to find the extraordinary that lies within. Profiles from four women who are leaders in their professions, Marci Corea’s story of the band that inspired her to be a strong woman of faith or perhaps the testimony from Camaren Humphrey-Davis who found strength from her struggles will guide you as you discover your own extraordinary path. Whatever you want to do that may seem unconventional, we hope you find the courage in these pages to do it. It may not be easy, and you may have some regrets or some insecurities to deal with along the way. Above all else, after reading our ordinary magazine, we hope you remember one thing about being extraordinary:

It doesn’t require anything extra. You already are. Sincerely, The Editors Izzy Olaore and Cassie Matchim

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You are welcome by Ruth Williams, PhD Every month, this page will feature a new aspect of something you are. For our inaugural issue, Ruth Williams welcomes you to the first issue of Ordinary with an invitation to learn from the One who inspires her to accept herself as she is. She also offers some tips to living a healthier, fuller life.

Used with permission from Marketing and University Relations.

ThE Seven Commandments of ME: 1. Know Whose you are 2. Like yourself 3. Challenge yourself 4. Laugh at yourself 5. Choose friends wisely 6. Thank Him for the family that you do have 7. Hope always

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n a few days, I will be celebrating another birthday. Ah, birthdays! The reminders of the inexorable passage of time, the relentless beckoning of the space-hope continuum. I remember another birthday, eons ago. I must have been in my late teens when my brother David gave me the gift of a book for my birthday. I remember the title, but not the content: The Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman. Did I even read the book? What really was a big brother trying to tell a little sister? That he thinks she is beautiful? That she could be beautiful? That she is not beautiful now, but one day could be? That it takes hard work and commitment to not only become beautiful but to stay beautiful? Or was this a lifelong invitation to something greater and better? I close my eyes and reminisce trying hard to remember the lessons learned. My lessons of a lifetime of which I am still a part, still learning and growing, still awed by His Great Invitation. “Come to the table,” He beckons. “Come and sit and learn. I have so much to tell you, to warn you about, to thrill you with…come sit at the table…” I sit at the table and try to wrap my mind around all that is spread before me. “Iron sharpens iron”? So much to take in. I sit down tentatively, even with a little hesitancy. He seems to understand my reticence and tries to put me at ease. “Thank you for coming,” He says. And I start the long journey. I come to understand what “table manners” mean in His presence. I develop an appreciation for the others around the table too; Their stories, their journeys inspire me. So glad for the invitation and now I too share it with you. Come to the table.

Learn the Seven Commandments of Me: 1. Know Whose you are. You are the result of decisions and actions all orchestrated by One who has your best in mind. “Beauty for ashes,” He says. 2. Like yourself. I mean that. Not just love yourself. Like yourself. Enjoy being with you. Enjoy being by and with yourself and celebrate the person that you are and the one you are becoming. “I know the plans I have for you,” He says, “plans to prosper you.” 3. Challenge yourself. Surprise yourself. Do something difficult you never thought you could even imagine to accomplish. Stretch yourself. You can “do all things through Christ Who gives you the strength” you need. 4. Laugh at yourself. Yes, laugh at you! Don’t take yourself so seriously. He who invites you to His table has an infinite sense of humor. Indulge it. 5. Choose friends wisely. Find those who are excited by the invitation to come to the table. Those who have big dreams and even bigger hearts powered by gargantuan intellects. Bring them to the table. 6. Thank Him for the family that you do have. You choose your friends and accept your family. Remember that they have a place at His table too. 7. Hope always. I like being at His table. “You’re welcome,” He says. I do not remember thanking Him. I must have, in my heart, and He can read that. You’re welcome too, welcome at His table of delights, where what awaits you is “exceeding abundantly above all that you can ask or even imagine.” Come.

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The Anatomy of

Extraordinary by Janita Herod

the head

This is command central for every decision you will ever make. Guard it well. Ideally the head and heart work together. A woman’s hair is supposed to be her crowning glory but an empty head will dull the shine.

the heart

A woman’s heart is capable of many things, i.e. stretching to include all her family and those who least deserve love. Whatever occupies the majority of her heart will get the most of her attention – good or bad. Fill it well.

the hands

One of the most memorable parts of a woman’s body, they touch lives with gentleness, kindness, love, compassion, guidance and correction. A helping hand can lift a wounded spirit. Pray before ‘handling’ tough situations, the memories last long afterwards.

the hips Clearly the widest part of a woman’s body and important for balancing the thinking, feeling part of the body with the moving, action part of the body. With the upper and lower parts of the body moving and working together she can accomplish many things.

the heels Heels tell a lot about a woman’s purpose in life; does she strut for self-glory or does she go on errands of mercy? A woman’s ‘footprint’ on this world and on life is a path she leaves for others to follow..

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of the

the

Debunking Myths Professional women at the top of their fields share stories of courage, teamwork and overcoming obstacles.

Januwoina Nixon

Lisa Clark Diller

Title:

Director for Learning Support Services at Southern Adventist University Degrees: B.S. - Elementary Education M.Ed. - Curriculum and Instruction Ph.D. - Postsecondary and Adult Education Fun Fact: I could eat ice cream for every meal, anytime, any day, any season!

Title:

I work with students who have either faced academic challenges, been marginalized or have failed in other areas of life. These students often need someone who will listen and help them feel confident in their abilities. Women have an intrinsic nurturing ability, and this field welcomes that. In my early years, I was very shy and preferred doing things in the background, but my career placed me in situations where I had to speak publicly. I was very comfortable in the elementary classroom but found public speaking difficult. Fortunately, my husband and children were always there to pep talk me into to getting on “the stage.” Another challenge was completing my Master’s degree and PhD while working full time. My secret to getting them both done was discipline. I went to bed between 6 and 7 p.m. each evening and got up between 2 and 3 a.m. to tackle enormous amounts of school work. I was able to finish my doctoral work while faced with the death of my brother and four of my husband’s family members. Also, my oldest son was diagnosed with cancer during this time. When I look back now, I truly can say that God brought me through it all victoriously. No matter what society tells me about who I am as a black woman, my success and self worth comes in knowing that I was created in the image of God and am fearfully and wonderfully made.To live an ordinary life in an extraordinary way, you must put you trust totally in God and follow His lead. The result will always be success.

I’m not a creative person, but I’m courageous and will try just about anything at least once. So while as a college student I didn’t have a lot of diverse ideas about what to do with my life, I was willing to follow opportunities and suggestions, even if I fell flat on my face. My professors were a major source of opportunity and inspiration—I had never before thought about teaching at the university level, and it was through their encouragement that I applied for fellowships, internships and eventually graduate programs, leading to my current job as a professor myself. The social structures in our world pressure women in ways that are often emotionally draining. Having fantastic friends and building networks of other people, both men and women, has been vital for me—leaning on them for fun, help when needed and professional advice. Women take care of each other, so I’ve always made sure to cultivate them as mentors as well as finding young women I myself can come alongside. I’ve also been well served by the life commandment I developed early on: “If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing imperfectly.” Perfection is the enemy of getting things done.

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Chair of the History department at Southern Adventist University Degrees: B.A. - History M.A. - Early Modern History Ph.D. - Early Modern History Fun Fact: I ran the Chicago Marathon in 1999 so I never have to run another one.

female rise success

Margie Mancao Title:

Assistant Ambulatory Surgery Center Director

Degrees:

B.S.N. - Nursing M.S.N. - Nursing

Fun Fact: I am dyslexic.

I started out as a medical surgical nurse and branched out to Oncology nursing when I worked in Saudi Arabi for four years. This experience made me realize my full potential as a person and as a nurse. I had to overcome a lot of obstacles before I got here, literally. I ended up in Saudi Arabia before coming to the U.S. because the hospital I was going to work for in Texas closed. My employment agency offered me a job in Saudi, and I jumped at the chance. My experience in a multicultural setting prepared me to work here in the US, so I can truly claim to be culturally competent. A boss once told me that education won’t get me a job, experience will. I was about to start my MSN program fulltime along with a full-time job. I proved her wrong, because my advanced degree actually got me this job and has created so many learning opportunities. Filipinos are not famous for their assertiveness, but I’ve had to learn how to be assertive. Patients constantly question me, assuming I don’t know what I’m doing. I usually handle these awkward moments with humor. At the same time, I maintain my calm nature. People think I’m a pushover, but staying calm in the face of a screaming doctor or patient has been proved quite successful in de-escalating the situation. I think I’ve had to prove myself harder than my coworkers because of my skin color, but I don’t allow that to negatively affect my job performance. I dispel those stereotypes by consistently being on top of my game.

Geovanny Ragsdale Title:

Associate Vice President for Development at Southern Adventist University Degrees: B.S. - Business Administration, Marketing B.S. - Business Management, International Business M.I.B - International Business Fun Fact: I started a cow bank in Karandi, India, while in university.

Currently, I work in the field of philanthropy with the distinct privilege of connecting potential donors to the current needs and opportunities at Southern Adventist University. If I am a successful and extraordinary woman, it’s because of the amazing team that works alongside me toward a common mission. In my previous role with SIFE World Headquarters as Regional Vice President for Latin America, it was challenging to connect with corporate CEOs. The fun part was that my name was often mistaken for a man, so at many scheduled meetings, they’d be surprised to see me. I learned what gender bias is all about and am thankful that God granted me the talent and skills necessary to overcome those biases. I was told that as a woman I couldn’t have it all, career, family, hobbies, etc. The fallacy in this statement is that it’s not limited to women. Everyone makes a sacrifice in one area of life to explore another. In business, we call this opportunity cost. The key is to put God first, seek wisdom and pace oneself. Every stage of life affords new opportunities to succeed and develop. It is only when you reflect on the full journey that you’ll see the beautiful things that you had. After all, Jesus came, so we could have abundance in life through Him.

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Lessons

from the

Stereo by Marci Corea

ver since I was a young girl, music has played a very important role in my life. My mother was a professional singer before she married my father, and she instilled in me a deep respect and affinity for musicians and the art of making music. My sister and I were raised going to piano, flute, clarinet and saxophone lessons, and of course, choir practices. Music in my house didn’t always mean classical overtures and squeaking woodwind reeds, though. It also meant Friday afternoon dance sessions with my big sister as we cleaned for Sabbath while the window frames rattled from the subwoofer she cranked up to ten. It meant Christian rock concerts, mosh pits and long car rides singing at the top of our lungs with the windows down. It meant listening to our favorite CDs over and over, memorizing the words and proclaiming them as our anthem. When I think back to these days, one band’s music fills many of my musical memories. The band Superchick was a popular Christian pop rock band in the early 2000s. Founded in 1999 by sisters Tricia and Melissa Brock, the band popularized such songs as “One Girl Revolution,” “Rock Ordinary 12

What You Got” and “Stand Up.” This music taught me from a young age that girls could have not only a strong voice and willpower in the world, but that their worth and beauty was defined by God alone. Most importantly, it taught me that God created me for a grand mission in life: to be extraordinary in His name. These were some of the most valuable lessons I could have learned at what is often the most vulnerable time in a young woman’s life. One of my favorite songs by Superchick was the 2003 hit, “Me Against the World.” The chorus proudly boasts the lyrics: “They said, ‘don’t try to change the world; you’re just a girl.’/So it’s me against the world today/ I’m gonna do it my own way/ And though nobody understands/ I’m gonna make a one girl stand.../If we believe when we have faith, we’re gonna change the world someday.” From the tender age of ten years old, I sang these words, taking them to heart as I danced around my room. Little did I know that these words would change the trajectory of my life and impact my dreams and goals in a way I never could have predicted.

Thirteen years later, I find myself just weeks away from graduating with a bachelor’s degree in Global Policy and Service and applying to jobs all over the world in the fields of human rights, gender development and poverty alleviation. Although I have come a long way from the air-guitaring days of my youth, the message implanted in my heart remains the same: fight for what’s right, stand for justice, be extraordinary. As a Christian, I believe this calling is rooted in something much deeper than a pop-rock song. The Bible discusses God’s heart for the poor over and over again and as Christians, we know that God’s will for all of our lives is that we pursue a heart more like His. Proverbs 31:8-9 makes the command pretty clear: “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.” It may seem oversimplified and wildy naive to think that I can actually change the world, and to be honest, I already know this. I know that millions of people have dedicated their lives to the cause of justice

and freedom over the course of human history. I know that I may spend my career making little to no money, doing thankless work. I know that I will spend many nights crying myself to sleep, realizing that millions of people are still enslaved, oppressed and abused, regardless of my human efforts. But the words of Superchick still resound through my mind, “If we believe when we have faith, we’re gonna change the world someday.” The faith these lyrics speak about isn’t a shallow, humanistic faith in self. It’s a faith in the most powerful force in the universe: God. This is what gives me hope to keep fighting, pushing, standing for what’s right. As I leave college and begin a new chapter, I am not scared of what the future holds, but fueled by it. I cannot wait until the day all hurting and injustice ends, Christ comes to take us home and I hear the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

“Fight for what’s right, stand for justice, be extraordinary.” -Marci Corea

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BROKE The 8-year-old mom

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by Izzy Olaore

topping for a moment to pick at the crusted clay between her fingernails, HD smiles, then digs deeper. “It was never about cutting. Cutting is easy. I have a high pain tolerance. It was more about realizing that I was doing something to ME. Not my body. My mind.” Her eyes got a little brighter. Her smile, slightly wider. “‘If this is all that you deserve, you’re just going to let the world walk all over you. That’s not ok. No, I have to save myself, I am worth saving.’ That’s what I told myself.” The smile turns into a smirk as she tosses a chunk of clay into the mixer before finishing her thought. “Then, I went Cold Turkey.” Meet Camaren Humphrey-Davis, the 8-year-old mom. Three suicide attempts, a drinking problem, eating disorders, eight years of cutting, and an addiction to any pill or pain med she could find later, Camaren, known by her friends as “HD” has no apparent weakness. “You’re not broken, but you are breaking.” That’s what her shrink told her. “She seems like she’s got everything together.” That’s what her professor said about her. “She’s done a good job at deciding what doesn’t matter, and what does.” That’s from her work subordinate, and friend. If you walked into the ceramics lab where she works as the lab assistant, and saw her in action, gliding around the work circle (covered in clay from head to toe) in her “ClayMobile” of a rolling chair, coaching students through their first assignment with the poise of a seasoned professional, at the very least (if not a super hero), you would think that she was the professor. She’s not the professor. She is, however, the youngest in the room. “People are always like, OMG! I thought you were 24! I’m like, nah fam…” HD laughs “It’s actually kind of ironic. I’m usually the youngest in the room.” It’s not that the 19-year-old (yeah… spoiler, she’s not 8 anymore) looks older than her age though. It’s the way HD carries herself. Pause. Before we look at a superhero, and gush over how super they are, let us not forget the not-so-super fall that forced them into flight. “People say they envy my success, my composure, and my drive.” To those people, HD has one reply: Don’t. “When I was 8 years old, my mom had complications while giving birth to my younger sibling. During that period, when my mom was really sick, my dad would tell me, ‘If your mom dies, you will have to assume the role of the mother in this house.’ I was 8 years old! That freaked me out!” That’s how it all started. “In my 8-year old mind, I interpreted that to mean that if I don’t do what I’m supposed to do, above and beyond, my mom is going to die.” That pressure sent HD to a very dark place. “I started cutting. I was a clumsy child, so my scars were easy to hide. My mentality was that if I am able to bring pain upon myself and control it, it wouldn’t happen to other people.”

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HD’s mom didn’t die, fortunately, but that was just the beginning. Far from her happy ending. “In middle school, alcohol became pretty easily accessible, so there was that. I guess I was more a social drinker, but my goal was always to push my limit.” Excellence. Pushing the limit. Being the best. These concepts have been all too real to HD. Not, however, for the reasons one would wish for. “I was classified as an emotional child. I was bullied in school. A lot. I was the kid that would eat my lunch in the bathroom, or skip lunch entirely and just do homework in the library. That’s how the eating disorders started.” This is also where HD says she found her work ethic. “I felt like if I did a whole bunch of stuff, and did them really well, people would like me, they’d think I’m smart, and maybe, if I’m lucky, they would want to be my friend.” But that wasn’t the case. Actually, things got worse. “When my oldest brother attempted suicide, my dad blamed me. When I attempted suicide, my other brother disowned me. I went to my first round of counseling and the chick called me a liar. After two sessions, my dad pulled me out. He said I was fine, that I just wanted attention, and that I should just figure myself out. Ok. ” More drugs. More alcohol. More cutting. Less feeling. Obviously, there is a happy ending. Right? Obviously HD is fine now. Right? “I tried counseling again, with a different counselor this time. This one was Jamaican. This time though, I felt like it worked.” Then, her dad stopped paying for her counseling. That was three years ago. Here’s the thing. In real life, there is no “happy ending” because in real life, life doesn’t just end. It goes on, no breaks, no timeouts, very few victorious triumphs. In real life, there are no super heroes, just super people. HD is one of those people, and her life is still going on. She has just realized how to keep going on with it.

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“People say life is short. I’ve learned that life is long. We have 24 hours. Break that down to minutes and seconds. Break that down to heartbeats, and breaths, smiles and tears… That’s a lot yo! People say be careful of your time, and that God is going to judge you on well you have used your time. I used to feel like I could walk up to God and say I did this, and this, and that… but I’m realizing that God is more concerned with that one time... when I had 5 minutes… how did I trust Him with those 5 minutes?” Life has taught HD that she’s actually not a super hero. She was never meant to be one. “The biggest mistake I think I’ve ever made was thinking that I have to work for everything. I wasn’t placed on this planet to hold it up. I had to learn that God was just like, ‘Yo, I just need you to like, stand here and breath. Just be here with me. Just be.’” Then, she explained it like this. “Like, have you ever been to somebody’s house, where they are so happy to see you? The house is spotless, but they’re still trying to clean up more? Like ‘Oh, sorry this isn’t -- This isn’t ok…let me just…’ No. God is like ‘Yo, leave that. Stop that. Just stand here with me, and be.’” Back to the present, in the ceramics lab. Something has captured HD’s attention. She notices a student trying to show his friend a technique that she had just showed him. She watches in silence from a distance. As the student fumbles over his words, she makes a motion to intervene, then she stops, almost like she’s thinking, “It’s happening. Let it.” No smile on her face this time. Just a calming peace. Heartwarming level: Mom. As HD the creates beauty out of formless clay, effortlessly, as if it was an extension of her being, Ephesians 2:10 comes to mind. “We are God’s masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus, to do good works.” Sometimes we read that passage and feel like it means that we must blow minds and save the world to worth the air that we breathe. Our true purpose, however, lies in the first phrase: “We are God’s masterpiece.”

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