C&A_14

Clark & Addison Episode XIV - “NL Central champs“ AND ADDISON IN CHICAGO - IN A SMALL BAR NAMED WEAGHMAN’S PARK. THE CUBS ORIGINALLY PLAYED AT WEAGHMAN PARK IN CHICAGO BEFORE TRANSFERRING TO CUBS PARK IN 1919 - WHICH BECAME WRIGLEY FIELD IN 1926. NIGHTLY IN DEPTH DISCUSSIONS OF CUBS AND CHICAGO OCCUR AT WEAGHMAN’S PARK. WEAGHMAN’S PARK ONLY SERVES FOOD AND DRINK ORIGINATING FROM ABOVE THE WISCONSIN BORDER . . . SMALL NEIGHBORHOOD WRIGLEY FIELD BAR CALLED WEAGMAN’S PARK WITH ONLY WISCONSIN BEER AND SHEBOYGAN BRATS - A 20 SOMETHING HANGOUT. FOLLOW THE HISTORY OF THE CUBS, BEARS AND BULLS AS SEEN THROUGH THE EYES OF JOSH, ELLIOT, SAM, KERI, MELANIE AND FRIENDS . . .

JOSH HEY WILL - WE CERTAINLY SHOWED WHAT WE WERE MADE OF TODAY. THIS IS REMINISCENT OF THE PENNANT DRIVE BACK IN 1908.

WILL YOU BET - TODAY THE CUBS SHOVED IT DOWN THE REST OF THE NL CENTRAL’S THROAT - THE BRAVES DIDN’T STAND A CHANCE. JOSH YES - WE WENT FOR THE JUGULAR AND GOT BACK BRIGHT RED BLOOD A DEFINITE KILLING OF THE OPPONENT. WILL AND THE CELEBRATION - UNBELIEVABLE ALSO. HECK THEY HAD CHAMPAIGN SHOOTING IN THE DUGOUT WITHIN ONE SECOND AFTER THE FINAL OUT. JOSH YES I WAS RIGHT DOWN THERE BY THE DUGOUT BEFORE I WENT TO WORK - AND SINCE I WAS WORKING I COULDN’T PARTICIPATE IN THE CELEBRATION - SINCE WEAGHMAN’S PARK MANAGEMENT DOESN’T ALLOW ANY DRINKING WHILE AT WORK - LIKE ZERO. WILL TRUST ME JOSH - NO ONE CAN DRINK WHILE THEY ARE AT WORK - AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU. JOSH I AGREE - IT WOULD HAVE JUST BEEN FUN TO ENJOY THE TRUE CENTRAL DIVISION TITLE WITH A BEER - BUT OH WELL I’LL JUST HAVE A LEINIES’s AFTER WORK AT MY APARTMENT. WILL

BY THE WAY - ARE YOU STILL LIVING IN THAT EFFICIENCY ON CLARK ?

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JOSH YES - I HAVEN’T FOUND ANYTHING BETTER - BUT I’M STILL MONTH TO MONTH. WHY ?

WILL WELL - WE MAY HAVE AN OPENING IN OUR HOUSE IF YOU ARE INTERESTED. JOSH DON’T YOU GUYS LIVE.......

WILL YES - WE’RE OUT MORE TO OHARE - A BIT FURTHER THAN YOU ARE NOW FROM WEAGHMAN’S PARK. JOSH I REALLY DON’T WANT TO LIVE FAR AWAY FROM WEAGHMAN’S PARK OR WRIGLEY. I’M JUST THAT ATTACHED TO THE CUBS. WILL NO KIDDING - MORE THAN ANYONE I KNOW.....MAYBE EXCEPT FOR MR. W. JUST COMING IN HERE TO CELEBRATE WITH EVERYONE ELSE. JOSH MR. W. DOESN’T OUTWARDLY CELEBRATE - TRUST ME - MAYBE IN HIS OWN WAY HE MAY CELEBRATE - AND I NOW DO BELIEVE HE IS OLD MAN WRIGLEY’S GHOST. WILL WHY ?

KERI BECAUSE BOTH JOSH AND I HAVE SEEN THIS GUY WHO HAS NO FRIENDS AND HAS THE VERY BEST SEAT IN WRIGLEY - AND NEVER SAY A WORD TO ANYONE. WILL ARE YOU SURE ?

JOSH DEFINITELY ! THE GUY IS JUST TOO WEIRD TO BE HUMAN !

WILL MAYBE HE’S JUST QUIET KERI NO - HIS AFFECT, MOOD, THE WAY HE LOOKS AT PEOPLE - HE IS THE REAL OLD MAN WRIGLEY GHOST - THIS YEAR IS SPECIAL AND HE HAS COME BACK TO HAUNT WRIGLEY FIELD. IT IS THE TRUTH. OLD MAN WRIGLEY IS AMONGST US.

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JOSH YOU ARE CORRECT KERI - HE DOESN’T GO BACK TO ROCKFORD - HECK WE’VE HAD GUYS FOLLOW HIM OUT OF HERE AND HE JUST VAPORIZES THEY SEE HIM AND THEN HE’S GONE. WILL TO ROCKFORD. KERI NO TO HEAVEN OR WHEREVER GHOSTS HANG - IT IS JUST THAT WEIRD WE KNOW THIS YEAR IS SPECIAL WITH LOU AND ALL. IT JUST IS. WILL WELL THEN WHY DOESN’T THE TRIBUNE CATCH ONTO THIS WITH A FEATURE STORY - OR THE CUBS WEB SITE ?

KERI NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE ANY OF THIS. WILL AND JOSH THAT BACK TABLE WANTS A WHEAT AND AMBER LEINIES AND 4 BRATS WITH THE WORKS. KERI OK - JUST DON’T BELIEVE US WILL - THERE IS NO WAY TO PROVE GHOSTS - BUT HERE THIS IS OBVIOUS. WILL NO - I AGREE THIS YEAR CINCHING THE CENTRAL DIVISION SO EARLY WOW - IT IS REALLY SPECIAL !

KERI NOT ONLY THAT - THE BEARS AND BULLS AND BLACKHAWKS WILL COMPETE THIS YEAR. WELL THAT IS ACCORDING TO SAM !

WILL SO YOU TWO BACK TOGETHER AGAIN ?

KERI YES - AFTER A MELANIE SCARE - BUT I’M GETTING ACCUSTOMED TO MELANIE SCARES. SHE IS A CONSTANT FLIRT. THERE ARE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE HER - NOT EVEN SCUM OF THE EARTH - BECAUSE SHE IS BELOW THE EARTH. JOSH WHAT IF SHE CAME HERE TONIGHT TO CELEBRATE IN WRIGLEYVILLE RIGHT HERE IN WEAGHMAN’S PARK ?

KERI NO - I’M SURE SHE’S AT BERNIE’S - MANY MORE GUYS HANG THERE - OR PERHAPS SHE WENT TO THE SMART BAR - BUT SHE’S JUST NOT SMART ENOUGH TO GO TO THE SMART BAR. 4

WILL I HEARD SHE HAD A DATE AND WENT TO TUSCANY’S ON CLARK. KERI GOOD - THAT WILL KEEP HER OUT OF SAM’S AND MY RELATIONSHIP - I HOPE SHE GOES THERE EVERY NIGHT AND BALLOONS UP - THE FOOD THERE IS SO GOOD. WOW - I HOPE IT’S NOT SAM SHE IS AT TUSCANY’S WITH - I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT THAT !

WILL NO - I HEARD IT’S SOME GUY SHE MET ON THE RED LINE - A REAL LOSER. HE IS A SOX FAN AND NEVER DRINKS UNDER 20 BEERS AT A CRACK. JOSH WHEW - WHAT GOT INTO MELANIE ?

KERI DON’T GO FEELING SORRY FOR HER JOSH - I MEAN SHE PROBABLY DESERVES THIS SLUDGE OF A GUY - WHO KNOWS - MAYBE WE’LL LUCK OUT AND she’ll MARRY THIS SLUG AND SPEND HER LIFE WITH THE LOW LIFES ON THE SOUTH SIDE. WILL WELL - EVER SINCE YOU TOLD MELANIE YOU WEREN’T GOING TO THE NORTHERN GAME IN MINNEAPOLIS - WHICH THEY LOST DUE TO INADEQUATE FAN SUPPORT - WELL SHE HAS GIVEN UP ON YOU JOSH. KERI SHE KNOWS YOU’LL PROBABLY NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING. JOSH GIVE ME A BREAK - YOU SOUND LIKE MY PARENTS. ALL I WANT TO DO IS JUST ENJOY LIFE AND THE CUBS - I’VE LIVED WITH THIS TEAM SINCE I WAS BORN AND I WILL DIE WITH THEM - I’M DOING FINE - I PAID MY OWN WAY VIA SCHOLARSHIP FOR MY MBA/LAW PROGRAM AT THE UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO. I SUPPORT MYSELF WITH TIPS FROM WEAGHMAN’S PARK - I’M CAUSING NO TROUBLE FOR ANYONE. BACK OFF. KERI BUT YOU HAVE THE BIG POTENTIAL JOSH ! YOU AREN’T RAMPING !

JOSH SO WHAT - ALL OF THAT WILL COME -THIS IS HEAVEN RIGHT NOW AND I’M ENJOYING IT TO THE MAX. WILL YES - BACK OFF KERI - TALK BASEBALL - YOU ARE GETTING TOO SERIOUS LIKE ALL GIRLS DO. JOSH WILL RAMP - GIVE HIM TIME. CHILL !

KERI OK - BOY DO I LIKE TALKING BASEBALL - LOTS TO CATCH UP ON -

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JOSH LIKE THAT SECOND BALL THAT WAS STUCK IN THE IVY THAT EDMONDS KNOCKED OUT ON A PENCE TRIPLE. WILL YES - THEY SAY THAT BALL STUCK THERE SINCE BATTING PRACTICE THOUGH SOME FEEL IT WAS A PRANK. KERI I THINK EDMONDS WAS AS SURPRISED AS ANYONE JOSH AND WE NOW HAVE INSTANT REPLAY - BUT LOU SAYS WE’LL HAVE TO REPLAY THE REPLAY - OR REPLACE THE REPLAY OFFICIALS - LIKE THE NFL AT TIMES NEEDS TO. KERI BUT REPLAY IS JUST FOR HOMERS - NOT PITCHES OR ANY BIG STUFF. WILL BUT IT IS COMING - I FEEL THEY WILL HAVE NO CHOICE IF FOLKS CAN’T LIVE WITH BAD CALLS. JOSH WELL THE CALLS HAVE GONE OUR WAY THIS YEAR - AND THE BREWERS HAVEN’T CAUGHT A BREAK ANYWHERE. WILL LOOK AT OUR MINORS - IOWA CUBS WIN THE PACIFIC COAST LEAGUE DAYTONA CUBS WIN THE FLORIDA LEAGUE. JOSH AND TONY THOMAS WAS 14 OF 29 IN THE PLAYOFFS DOWN THERE - A REAL HITTING TERROR - WHO MAY BE WITH US BEFORE THE END OF THE YEAR - BUT WHERE DO YOU PUT HIM ?

KERI MAYBE RIGHT FIELD FOR FUKUDOME - NO RAP AGAINST HIM PERSONALLY - BUT HE CAN’T HIT A TEE BALL. WILL THAT WOULD WORK - BUT IT WOULD BE SAD TO SEE FUKUDOME GO TO PEORIA, IOWA, OR DAYTONA. BUT LOU WILL DO WHAT HE NEEDS TO FOR MOTIVATION AND THE TEAM. I WOULD BET LOU GETS FUKUDOME GOING FOR THE PLAYOFFS. KERI AND THIS GUY FROM TAIWAN - CHEN - IS REALLY A SUPERB PITCHER FOR THE DAYTONA CUBS. HE KILLED PALM BEACH IN THE PLAYOFFS SIX LOVE.

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JOSH WELL THE HEART OF OUR TEAM IS REALLY THE TEAM - DEREK, THERIOT, DEROSA, RAMIREZ, SORIANO, EDMONDS, SOTO, AND MAYBE NOW HOFFPAVIR FROM IOWA IN RIGHT. WILL AND THE PITCHING IS UNBELIEVABLE - WITH ALL STARTERS AND RELIEVERS PERFORMING WELL - Z’S NO HITTER AND SAMARDZIJA......

KERI YES THE TRUE HUNK ON THE CUBS - PLAYS FOOTBALL AND BASEBALL - DOES IT ALL. NOW HE’S HAVING BEER SHOWERS - AND LOU WANTS HIM TO PITCH UNDER PRESSURE. HECK I LIKE NOTRE DAME NOW JUST BECAUSE OF SAMARDZIJI. JOSH BUT OUR TRUE LEADER IS CARLOS - I KNOW HE’S HAD TENDONITIS AND A “ DEAD ARM “ - BUT WITHOUT HIM DOWN THE STRETCH - WE AIN’T GONNA MAKE IT. IT IS THAT SIMPLE. WILL WELL OUR COACHES AND SCOUTS WHO PICKED UP EDMONDS AFTER THE CARDINALS THOUGHT HE WAS WASHED UP DESERVE CREDIT - HE CAN STILL FLAT OUT PLAY. KERI AND SOTO WAS THE TOP ROOKIE IN THE LEAGUE FOR AUGUST - WHAT A PICKUP - AND HAS HE IMPROVED AT THE PLATE AND ON THE FIELD. WILL YES THIS YEAR IS REALLY CLICKING FOR THE CUBS - WE WILL EVEN WIN THE CLEMENTE AWARD GIVEN BY SELIG AND VERA CLEMENTE. KERI WHAT IS THAT ?

WILL THE BIG VOLUNTEER - COMMUNITY SERVICE AWARD. RYAN DEMPSTER IS THE CHAMP OF THIS. HECK HE’S AT CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL, HUMANE SOCIETY, BLAINE ELEMENTARY, AND ALL THE CUB CHARITIES. JOSH HUMANE SOCIETY ? DOES THIS MEAN ALL THE DOGS ARE CUBS FANS NOW ?

KERI VERY FUNNY JOSH - HE IS JUST THE GUY. BUT I DO KNOW THAT Z AND SOTO WENT TO HUMBOLDT PARK FOR THE KIDS NEW BALL PARK DEDICATION.

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JOSH THE ONLY NEGATIVE HAS BEEN ALFONSO’S NOT RUNNING OUT A LONG SINGLE INTO A DOUBLE. WILL BUT HE APOLOGIZED - SO IT’S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL - REALLY ISN’T. KERI I BET IT WAS WITH LOU. JOSH YOU ARE PROBABLY RIGHT - LOU REWARDS HUSTLE. WILL AND LOU REWARDS MINOR LEAGUERS WHO FLAT OUT PLAY - LOOK MCGHEE, WUERTZ, HOFFPAVIR ALL COME FROM DES MOINES. JOSH AND GUZMAN AND LIEBER CAME OFF THE DISABLED LIST. WE ARE CLICKING AND HEALTHY !

KERI AND HECK THIS GUY HILL IN IOWA HAD 4 FINGERS SAWED OFF FROM A POWER SAW, REATTACHED, AND HIT 432 IN JULY - THE ENTIRE ORGANIZATION IS WINNING. JOSH WELL RAMIREZ WAS BOOED HEAVILY IN PITTSBURGH - BUT THAT IS NORMAL FOR PITTSBURGH - THEY NEVER KEEP GOOD PLAYERS - LOOK AT BONDS. KERI WE HAVE REAL GUYS PLAYING BALL EVERYWHERE THROUGHOUT THE CUBS ORGANIZATION THIS YEAR. HECK ATKINS IN IOWA IS KILLING PEOPLE WITH HIS PITCHING - GUYER ON RYNO’S TEAM IN PEORIA - ALL OF THESE GUYS ARE JUST FLAT OUT PLAYING. JOSH GOES BACK TO THE FACT - WHERE DO YOU PUT THESE GUYS IF THEY MOVE UP TO CHICAGO - YOU ONLY HAVE NINE SPOTS ON THE FIELD. WILL I’M CERTAIN THE CUBS BRASS HAS ALL THIS WORKED OUT WELL AHEAD OF TIME. JOSH AND MAYBE NEXT YEAR IT WILL BE MARK CUBAN CALLING THE SHOTS - WHO KNOWS - IF ZELL WOULD SEAL THE DEAL FOR SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY WANTS THIS TEAM.

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KERI BUT THE PRICE TAG IS ONLY 1.3 BILLION - THAT’S A TON OF CASH FOR ANYONE. WILL BUT WE WILL BE EXPANDING TOWARDS WAVELAND OR CLARK WITH STADIUM CLUBS AND ALL THE BIG SHOT STUFF THAT THE YANKS AND THE HIGH PRICE TEAMS HAVE. KERI IT MAY CHANGE WRIGLEY WILL I DOUBT IT - WRIGLEY WILL ALWAYS BE WRIGLEY - ALWAYS. KERI BUT IF YOU HAVE TO SPEND HUNDREDS TO JUST SIT IN THE BLEACHERS OR SEATS ACROSS THE STREET - NO ONE WILL COME. JOSH THAT ASPECT WILL NEVER CHANGE - LOOK WE STILL HAVE A TON OF DAY GAMES - THAT HASN’T CHANGED WITH FORCED LIGHTS FROM THE 80S. WILL AND JOSH - IF YOU DON’T GET THESE BORDER GUYS WITH STOUT LETTER JACKETS SOME BEER - WELL THEY WILL DIE OF THIRST OR WITHDRAWAL. KERI DID YOU CARD THOSE GUYS JOSH ? THEY LOOK LIKE TODDLERS ?

JOSH RIGHT AT THE DOOR !

KERI FAKE ID’S - YOU ARE STILL RESPONSIBLE ! RIGHT ?

JOSH YES - ABSOLUTELY - STRICT LIABILITY CRIME - NO DEFENSES - I HAVE TO HAVE ANOTHER FORM OF ID PER ILLINOIS LAW IF SUSPICIOUS - OR NOT SERVE THEM AT ALL. SEND THEM HOME. KERI BUT THEY HAVE THOSE GAUDY LETTER JACKETS ON SAYING STOUT !

WILL YES I KNOW KERI - THAT IS RIVER FALLS - ACTUALLY NOT FAR FROM CHIPPEWA FALLS - THE LEINIES FACTORY. JOSH THEY ARE NOW DEMANDING ZUERCHER’S CHEESE. I GAVE THEM ALL SWISS AND THEY ARE ECSTATIC - IN HEAVEN.

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KERI A PLATE JOSH NO THREE - YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH THESE GUYS can eat and drink !

WILL ANY TALK OF YOU GETTING ALL THE ZUERCHER SPECIALTY BRANDS ?

JOSH NOT REALLY - IT IS A VERY SIMPLE BUSINESS MODEL - WHICH THE UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO SCHOOL OF BUSINESS WOULD FALL OVER ABOUT - BUT IT WORKS. KERI LIKE MCDONALD’S NOT HAVING STEAK OR CAJUN CHICKEN. JOSH EXACTLY RIGHT - WE HAVE ONE BRAND OF BEER - LEINIES - AND ONE CHEESE FACTORY - ZUERCHER’S - VERY SIMPLE. WILL I KNOW YOUR BUSINESS IS STARTING TO GO THROUGH THE ROOF PEOPLE FROM THE SMART BAR, TUSCANY’S, AND EVEN BERNIE’S ARE COMING HERE. KERI I CAN SEE TUSCANY’S - BECAUSE IT ISN’T CHEAP - BUT IT IS OH SO GOOD. WILL AND THE SMART BAR AND BERNIE’S ALREADY HAVE THEIR CLIENTS - BUT THEY MAY BE DRIFTING OVER HERE FOR A GOOD BRAT - WHO WOULDN’T FOR $2.50.

JOSH WE MAY HAVE TO ADD ON EXTRA HELP ON GAME DAYS - EVEN MR W. HAS SEEMED A LITTLE UPSET ON GAME DAYS BECAUSE OF THE WAIT. KERI BUT ONCE YOU GET A GIRL JOSH - YOUR DAYS HERE AT WRIGLEY AND WEAGHMAN’S PARK ARE OVER. JOSH PROBABLY - WE’LL SEE - HELLO ELLIOTT ! WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE OTHER THAN A NL CENTRAL DIVISION TITLE TODAY. ELLIOTT OH - I JUST KNEW IT WOULD BE A BIG NIGHT AT WEAGHMAN’S PARK. ALL THE OTHER PLACES ARE HOPPING ALONG CLARK, ADDISON, AND EVEN WAVELAND. 10

KERI HOW IS YOUR JUNIOR HIGH BAND DOING ELLIOTT ?

ELLIOTT GREAT - WE ARE COMPETING AGAIN IN CHAMPAIGN THIS YEAR FOR THE TITLE. JOSH WOW - I BET YOU’VE GOT SOME GREAT JOB OFFERS FROM ALL OF THIS GREAT WORK AT THE SCHOOL. ELLIOTT OH - IT’S BEEN GREAT - I’VE RECEIVED MANY OFFERS FOR PRIVATE LESSONS - AND I’M FLAT OUT FULL OF STUDENTS. HECK - EVEN THEIR PARENTS WANT LESSONS. WILL WELL THAT IS INSPIRING - YOU’VE FOUND YOUR NICHE. ELLIOTT NOT REALLY - ALL I WANT TO DO IS ACT - BUT I CAN’T SEEM TO FIND THE EXACT SPOT. KERI WHAT ABOUT ALL THE STUFF GOING ON DOWNTOWN ? THERE MUST BE A TON OF OPENINGS FOR YOUNG GUYS LIKE YOU WANTING TO RAMP IN THIS ARENA. ELLIOTT THERE IS - IN FACT CHICAGO IS SECOND ONLY TO NEW YORK FOR ACTOR OPPORTUNITIES IN THE US. WILL THAT IS PRETTY NEAT - YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM FINDING YOUR ACTING NICHE. ELLIOTT WELL I’VE BEEN THE BACKUP, UNDERSTUDY, SUB FOR ALL KINDS OF PLAYS - BUT NEVER THE BIG KAHUNA. KERI SO WHAT IS GOING ON NOW ?

ELLIOTT WELL I’M AUDITIONING FOR A PART IN PRIVATE LIVES AT THE CITY LIT. I WAS ALMOST USED IN BUDDY HOLLY, AND MACBETH CALLED AND WANTED ME TO AUDITION THIS MONTH DOWN AT THE IMAGINATION THEATER. PLUS THERE IS A TON OF CHRISTMAS STUFF - BUT THAT’S NOT MY GIG SINCE IT IS SO SUPERFICIAL.

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JOSH YOU LIKE THE DEEP SCRIPTS WITH MEANINGS - OR ONES LEFT TO INTERPRETATION - RIGHT ?

ELLIOTT EXACTLY !

WILL BUT ALL IN ALL ELLIOTT - YOU HAVE TO BE GRATIFIED ABOUT YOUR SCHOOL BAND DOING SO WELL - KICKING BUTT AROUND THE STATE. ELLIOTT OH - IT’S BEEN GREAT, EXHAUSTING, AND..........

KERI AND WHAT ?

ELLIOTT WELL EVERYTIME I GET A BIG TIME BAND OPPORTUNITY AT A BETTER HIGH END SCHOOL DISTRICT - THE PARENTS, KIDS, AND ADMINISTRATORS ALL SHOW UP AND CRY, PLEAD, BEG, AND WRESTLE ME TO STAY - I JUST CAN’T LEAVE THEM. JOSH ELLIOTT - YOU ARE WAY TOO FRAGILE - LET IT GO - THEY WILL BE LEAVING YOU WHEN THEY GRADUATE AND MOVE ON. KERI YES ELLIOTT - I’M A GIRL AND WOULDN’T PUT UP WITH THAT - THEY SHOULD BE HAPPY YOU ARE MOVING UP - TRYING OUT FOR A SPOT IN MCBETH DOWNTOWN. ELLIOTT YOU’D THINK SO - BUT THEY ARE SO OVERWHELMING ABOUT ME LEAVING - I JUST CANNOT DO IT - I’M TOO ATTACHED TO THESE KIDS - AND MANY OF THE PARENTS ARE REALLY NICE. WILL THAT IS COOL - MOST TEACHERS COMPLAIN BITTERLY ABOUT BAD PARENTS. ELLIOTT THIS IS A SPECIAL PLACE - BUT I CAN BARELY AFFORD TO LIVE KERI WELL HERE IS A LEINIES ON ME ELLIOTT. WILL AND I’LL GET YOU A BRAT FOR $2.50.

JOSH AND I’LL COUGH UP A ZUERCHER CHEESE PLATTER. 12

KERI NOT TOO SHABBY - WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR ?

JOSH SO ANY GIRLS OR GUYS ELLIOTT ?

ELLIOTT NO - NOT REALLY - I’M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE MYSELF OUT. WILL COME ON ELLIOTT - YOU KNOW WE ARE OK IF YOU ARE GAY - THERE ARE TONS OF GAY CUB FANS - BESIDES 7% OF THE POPULATION IS GAY AND IT IS NO BIG DEAL. ELLIOTT WELL I THINK I’M BOTH OR NEITHER - HECK I EVEN WENT TO MASS AND ASKED THE PRIEST FOR HELP AFTERWARDS AND HE DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. JOSH YOU WENT UP TO A PRIEST AND ASKED HIM TO HELP YOU WITH THIS MY GOD - YOU ARE BOLD !

ELLIOTT I DIDN’T KNOW WHERE TO TURN - I CAN’T AFFORD PSYCHIATRY - IT’S NOT IN OUR HEALTH PLAN - BESIDES MOST PSYCHIATRISTS WOULDN’T HANDLE THIS GENDER DYSPHORIA STUFF ANYWAY. KERI SAM KNOWS A GUY AT COOK WHO IS REALLY GOOD AT SEXUAL IDENTITY. JOSH AND SPEAK OF THE DEVIL - HERE COMES THE ALL TIME WRIGLEYVILLE QB - KNOWN FOR THROWING LONG BOMBS THAT HIT THE CLOUDS. SAM HEY EVERYONE - WHAT A BIG DEAL - NATIONAL LEAGUE CENTRAL DIVISION TITLE - SOUNDS SWEET - HECK EVERYONE AT COOK IN SURGERY THOUGHT WE’D BE FIGHTING UNTIL THE LAST SERIES WITH THE BREWERS. JOSH NO - WE ARE MUCH BETTER THAN MILWAUKEE - LOOK AT THAT 4 GAME SWEEP IN JULY - THEY MAY MAKE THE WILD CARD - BUT THE WILD CARD IS FOR LOSERS. KERI I WOULDN’T GET SO OVER CONFIDENT - REMEMBER WHAT LOU SAID - THIS IS ONLY ONE STEP - WE STILL HAVE A TON OF COMPETITIVE BASEBALL YET IN THE PLAYOFFS - WE HAVE TO STAY HEALTHY AND..........

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WILL WE HAVE TO HIT. I FEEL OUR PITCHING WILL HOLD UP WITH Z, DEMPSTER, LILY, HARDIN, AND THE PEN WITH MARMOL AND........

KERI SAMARDZIJA - THE BIG HUNK !

SAM WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY KERI ?

KERI OH NOTHING SAM YOU JUST MADE REFERENCE TO SAMARDZIJI AS A PROBABLY GOOD MALE FIND. WILL CHILL SAM - ALL THE GIRLS ARE ALL OVER THIS GUY BECAUSE HE PLAYED FOOTBALL IN SOUTH BEND AND NOW HE PLAYS BASEBALL FOR THE CUBBIES - AND HE’S PROBABLY AVAILABLE. JOSH HOW DO YOU KNOW IF HE IS AVAILABLE ?

KERI YOU DON’T - AND I WAS JUST REFERENCING A GOOD GUY - TELL ME YOU GUYS DON’T TALK ABOUT GALS. ELLIOTT I DON’T !

WILL WELL YOU ARE IN A VAST MINORITY ELLIOTT - GUYS OUR AGE THINK OF GALS EVERY 5 - 7 SECONDS WHILE AWAKE - SOMETHING LIKE THAT. I’M CERTAIN IT’S THE SAME FOR GALS TOO. SAM MAYBE - BUT IT IS JUST THE WAY YOU SAID IT KERI - I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE INFATUATED WITH SAMARDZIJI. KERI OK - HE’S WORTH STARING AT FROM A GAL’S PERSPECTIVE JOSH SAM - CHILL - HAVE ANOTHER BREW - YOU’RE NOT ON CALL - AND KERI IS HUMAN. SAM OH I GUESS - I’LL HAVE THE WHEAT INSTEAD OF THE ORIGINAL LEINIES.

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JOSH WORKS - AND I’VE GOT TO GET THESE GUYS FROM STOUT OUT OF HERE - THEY ARE MAKING TOO MUCH NOISE AND DRINKING WAY TOO MUCH. WILL IF YOU NEED HELP JOSH LET ME KNOW. JOSH THANKS - BUT I TRY TO GET TO THESE PEOPLE WHILE ONE IN THE GROUP STILL HAS THEIR SANITY ATTACHED. SAM WE SCRIMMAGED AGAINST STOUT AS PART OF THE BEAR TAXI SQUAD ONE AFTERNOON. THEY ACTUALLY WERE DECENT FOR A NON DIVISION I FOOTBALL SCHOOL. JOSH WELL MANY OF US THINK SAM - INSTEAD OF MOONLIGHTING IN GARY - YOU SHOULD MOONLIGHT FOR THE BEARS - WE DON’T THINK ORTON AND REX WILL DO IT THIS YEAR. SAM YES I KNOW - EVERYONE AT COOK IS COMPLAINING ABOUT THE QUARTERBACK POSITION AGAIN THIS YEAR - SAME THEME. JOSH I BET SOME OF THE SURGEONS WANT YOU TO WAKE THE PATIENTS UP AND THEN SPLIT FOR THE BEARS CAMP. SAM IT’S NOT GONNA HAPPEN - THE BEARS HAVE THEIR SCHEME - THEY DIDN’T DRAFT ANY BIG QB NAMES - THEY FEEL AFTER A STRONG FINISH LAST YEAR WITH THEIR STRONG DEFENSE - WELL THEY HAVE ENOUGH FOOTBALL TO OVERTAKE THE PACKERS THIS YEAR. WILL BUT NOT THE PURPLE PEOPLE EATERS IN MINNESOTA - NO WAY - WE MAY BEAT GREEN BAY - BUT I DON’T SEE US BEATING MINNESOTA. JOSH BUT OUR DEFENSE IS AWESOME WITH BRIGGS AND URLACHER. SAM THERE IS NO DOUBT THE BEARS ON DEFENSE CAN REALLY KICK SOME TEAMS AROUND -BUT OFFENSIVE CONSISTENCY IS A STRONG NEED AND NOT LOVIE’S STRONG SUIT. I KNOW THAT. KERI WELL - THERE ARE TONS OF GOOD THINGS ON THE BEARS - LIKE LUKE BUTKUS’S LINE - IT HAS IMPROVED ACCORDING TO THE TRIBUNE SPECIAL TEAMS ARE AWESOME WITH HESTER - WE SHOULD COMPETE FOR THE SUPER BOWL 15

JOSH YOU ARE RIGHT - BUT DEVIN’S RIBS ARE BRUISED - OUR RUNNING ATTACK IS FRAGILE AND OUR MAIN RECEIVERS AND BACKS ARE ESSENTIALLY NO NAMES - I MEAN DAVIS, LLOYD, AND FORTE - MOST FOLKS IN CHICAGO HAVE NEVER HEARD OF THESE GUYS. SAM THAT MAY BE GOOD AS EVERYONE WHO CAUGHT THE BALL BAILED LAST YEAR WITH BIG CONTRACTS FOR OTHER TEAMS - I GUESS THE BEARS JUST DIDN’T THINK THEY WERE THAT GOOD. WILL DESMOND CLARK STAYED - HE’S SOLID. SAM I THINK IT’S BETTER TO HAVE SOME OF THESE GUYS LIKE FORTE - WHO REALLY NEED TO STEP UP AND PROVE THEIR TEAM WORTH. JOSH THE BEARS BIGGEST PROBLEM IS CONSISTENCY ON OFFENSE. A HUGE DEFICIT. I JUST DON’T KNOW IF ORTON CAN PULL IT OFF. KERI AND WE ALL KNOW HE WAS A THROWING QB AT PURDUE - WILL’S OLD SCHOOL. AND IT TOOK DREW BREES A WHILE BEFORE HE BECAME A SUPERSTAR IN THE NFL - LOVIE IS JUST GIVING THESE GUYS A CHANCE - AND WHO KNOWS - MAYBE DAVIS WILL TURN INTO A JERRY RICE AND STAY HERE. JOSH THAT WOULD BE AWESOME - I FEEL LOVIE IS AN OVER POWERING COACH WHO CAN INFLUENCE HIS PLAYERS TO STAY AND FLAT OUT PLAY. KERI WELL HE GOT RID OF TANK SAM KERI - THERE WAS NO ROOM ANYMORE FOR TANK ON THE BEARS HE WAS ALWAYS IN TROUBLE - AND HE GOT A NEW START WITH THE COWBOYS - WHICH IS GREAT FOR HIM. WILL AND BRIGGS HAS SETTLED IN - THESE GUYS CAN BE TRUE LEADERS FOR THIS BEAR TEAM - AND GET IT DONE. ELLIOTT BUT I WAS HOPING WE WOULD’VE RECEIVED FAVRE IN A TRADE. JOSH THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN - EVEN THOUGH I FEEL HE’S A BIT CRAZY AND WASHED UP TO A DEGREE - HE CAN STILL PLAY - AND THERE IS NO WAY THE PACKERS ARE GONNA ALLOW FAVRE TO HAUNT THEM. 16

KERI WELL HE’S LOVED IN NEW YORK AND NEW JERSEY BY JET FANS A TON SAM BUT I DOUBT HE’LL EVER HAVE THE YEARS HE HAD WITH GREEN BAY IN NEW JERSEY. IT WOULD BE AMAZING IF HE DID. WILL I DON’T FEEL FAVRE WILL HAVE THAT MUCH OF AN IMPACT ON THE JETS AS AARON RODGERS WILL HAVE ON THE PACK - AARON CAN FLAT OUT PLAY - AND THAT IS WHY GREEN BAY GOT RID OF BRETT. RODGERS MAY BE EVEN BETTER. ELLIOTT AND NOT THROW THE BALL TO THE OTHER TEAM INCESSANTLY UNDER STRESS AS FAVRE CONSISTENTLY DID. JOSH GOOD POINT ELLIOTT - THE PACK LOST A TON OF GAMES BECAUSE OF FAVRE’S ANTICS - HECK I WONDER IF ANY OF THESE GAMES WERE THROWN. YOU NEVER KNOW. KERI I REALLY DOUBT THAT - HE LOVED TO PLAY TOO MUCH AND HE WAS LOVED BY ALL OF THOSE BORDER FOLKS UP THERE. SAM HE DEFINITELY HAD A KNACK FOR THE INTANGIBLE OF GETTING THE BALL TO AN OPEN MAN WHEN EVERYONE WAS COVERED. WILL I HAD RESPECT FOR HIS ARM - BUT NOT HIS MIND. BUT THE BEARS DID OK AGAINST FAVRE THROUGH THE YEARS. ELLIOTT ENOUGH TO GET MY PARENTS OFF THE COUCH AND CHAIRS EVERY TIME HE STARTED SCRAMBLING. THEY WANTED HIS HEAD. JOSH MELANIE - NICE OF YOU TO JOIN US !

ELLIOTT OH HI MELANIE - I’VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU - BUT NEVER HAD THE CHANCE TO MEET YOU - I’M ELLIOTT. MELANIE NICE TO MEET EVERYONE - INCLUDING YOU KERI - AND I’M NOT CHASING SAM TONIGHT !

KERI WELL WHO ARE YOU CHASING THEN ?

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MELANIE WELL LET’S SEE - HOW ABOUT......

WILL DON’T CHASE ME MELANIE - I’M TOO POOR. CHASE JOSH. MELANIE I THINK I’LL JUST CHASE ELLIOTT. ELLIOTT YOU DON’T WANT ME MELANIE - I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF I LIKE GIRLS. SORRY. MELANIE WELL HOW ABOUT I CHASE NO ONE AND MAKE SAM AND KERI HAPPY. SAM THAT WORKS JOSH HERE IS AN ORIGINAL LEINIES MELANIE - ON ME MELANIE WHY THANK YOU JOSH !

JOSH YOU ARE VERY WELCOME !

MELANIE YES I’M HERE TO CELEBRATE THE NL CENTRAL DIVISION TITLE - I KNOW ALL ABOUT IT BECAUSE WE TALK INCESSANTLY ABOUT CUBS BASEBALL IN SURGERY - RIGHT SAM ?

SAM EXACTLY KKERI YOU ARE SO CONSISTENTLY ANNOYING MELANIE. BUT GO ON. MELANIE I KNOW THE ENTIRE CUBS INFIELD AND ALL ABOUT BIG Z - SO YOU CAN’T EASILY STUMP A DUMB BLOND LIKE ME WITH TOUGH SPORTS QUESTIONS. JOSH OK - DID NORTHERN WIN THE GAME AGAINST MINNESOTA MELANIE ?

MELANIE NO - BUT IT WAS CLOSE - AND WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO TOGETHER - REMEMBER JOSH - YOU KIND OF STOOD ME UP. BUT I’M ABOVE ALL OF THAT - I JUST HAPPENED TO NURSE A WEALTHY DYING CUB FAN - A PATIENT WHO WAS GUARANTEED BEHIND THE PLATE TICKETS FOR ALL 18

THE PLAYOFFS AND SERIES - AND I WAS THINKING OF FORGETTING OUR PRACTICE DATE JOSH - AND INVITING YOU TO THE WHOLE POST SEASON. JOSH WELL I.............

KERI DON’T ACCEPT JOSH - THIS IS A BIG TRAP AND YOU KNOW IT ELLIOTT I’LL GO MELANIE IF JOSH DOESN’T WANT TO. WILL SO WILL I IN A HEARTBEAT - IN FACT I’LL MARRY YOU MELANIE FOR THOSE TICKETS !

MELANIE SO WHAT DO YOU SAY JOSH ?

JOSH I ACCEPT MELANIE. MELANIE GREAT - I’M OUT OF HERE - THANKS FOR THE BEER, CHEESE, AND $2.50 BRAT. KERI SHE IS SUCH A YOU KNOW WHAT - BUT I’D PROBABLY ACTUALLY LIKE HER IF SHE WOULD BACK OFF SAM. JOSH YOU ARE ALL GONE - TIME TO CLOSE - SEE YOU IN TIME.

End- Episode XIV, Clark & Addison

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