Clark & Addison - Episode 3

CLARK AND ADDISON episode 3 - “Kappa Chick” A REUNION OF 20 SOMETHING CUB FANS ON THE CORNER OF CLARK AND ADDISON IN CHICAGO - IN A SMALL BAR NAMED WEAGHMAN’S PARK. THE CUBS ORIGINALLY PLAYED AT WEAGHMAN PARK IN CHICAGO BEFORE TRANSFERRING TO CUBS PARK IN 1919 - WHICH BECAME WRIGLEY FIELD IN 1926. NIGHTLY IN DEPTH DISCUSSIONS OF CUBS AND CHICAGO OCCUR AT WEAGHMAN’S PARK. WEAGHMAN’S PARK ONLY SERVES FOOD AND DRINK ORIGINATING FROM ABOVE THE WISCONSIN BORDER . . . SMALL NEIGHBORHOOD WRIGLEY FIELD BAR CALLED WEAGMAN’S PARK WITH ONLY WISCONSIN BEER AND SHEBOYGAN BRATS - A 20 SOMETHING HANGOUT. FOLLOW THE HISTORY OF THE CUBS, BEARS AND BULLS AS SEEN THROUGH THE EYES OF JOSH, ELLIOT, SAM, KERI, MELANIE AND FRIENDS . . .

JOSH HEY WILL, IT LOOKS LIKE WE’RE GETTING TO THE PLAYOFFS THIS YEAR. THE BREWERS DON’T KNOW HOW TO WIN. WILL YES, THE CUBBIES ARE VERY VERY LUCKY AS WE MAYBE DON’T HAVE A RIGHT TO BE THERE. ST. LOUIS IS SO BEAT UP AND DEMORALIZED, THE BREW CREW KEEPS LOSING AS THESE BORDER FOLKS REALLY THINK THEY CAN WIN EVERYTHING - NOT REALIZING THEY HAVE A VERY LONG SHOT FOR THE WILD CARD AND ONLY A VERY SMALL CHANCE FOR THE DIVISION AS WE NEED TO IMPLODE FOR THE BREWERS TO WIN. JOSH DRINKING ALL THAT LEINIES WON’T HELP THEIR TEAM EITHER. IN FACT WHY AREN’T THOSE BORDER PEOPLE UP IN MILLER PARK - CHEERING THEIR TEAM ON ?

WILL JOSH, THEY COME DOWN HERE WHEN THE BREWERS ARE AWAY - GET IT !

JOSH WOW WILL, YOU SHOULD HAVE RECEIVED THE NOBEL - AT LEAST ONE OF THEM - RATHER THAN THE BUNCHES THAT WENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO. WILL WELL - THERE GOES THE 30 CASES OF CHAMPAIGN - AND IT’S NOT THE CITY OF CHAMPAIGN. WE JUST WON THE NL CENTRAL BY BEATING CINCY AND THE BREW CREW DUMPING A GAME TO SAN DIEGO AND HOFFMAN. JOSH AND LOU HAS ALREADY NAMED THE FIRST TWO STARTERS AS CARLOS AND LILY. I’D DRINK IF I COULD. 2

WILL YES, I’LL HAVE ANOTHER LEINIES - IN FACT DO YOU HAVE ANY OF THAT IMPERIAL STOUT - RUSSIAN STALIN STUFF ?

JOSH SORRY, NEXT WEEK WILL - OR SHOULD I SAY THE OWNER PROMISES TO HAVE THIS NEW STUFF. WILL HECK, THEY’VE HAD IT IN THE NORTHWOODS FOR OVER A MONTH AND THEY ONLY HAVE TO GO DOWN I-90 AND HANG A LEFT ON I-94 TO GET IT TO WEAGHMAN’S PARK. JOSH RELAX WILL - WE HAVE PLENTY OF OTHER BEER HERE - BESIDES YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE RAMPING - REMEMBER THE APPRENTICE MECHANIC DEAL AT OHARE ?

WILL I DIDN’T GET IT. JOSH NO WAY. YOU’RE LIKE THE MOST SMARTEST GUY I KNOW. DID YOU TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR FOOTBALL PROWESS ?

WILL YES - THEY ALREADY KNEW ALOT OF THE SPORTS STUFF BECAUSE I SUBMITTED TO A BACKGROUND CHECK - ALL MECHANICS ARE ASSUMED TO BE AL - QUAIDA UNTIL THEY CLEAR BACKGROUND CHECKS. JOSH AND THE KAPPA STUNT GIRL ? DID YOU GO TO CATHOLIC 5 O’CLOCK MASS IN HIGHLANDS PARK AND WEAR THE SUIT AND BE COOL ?

WILL YES !

JOSH WELL, WHAT HAPPENED ? ENGAGEMENT ?

WILL NOTHING ! ZIPPO !

JOSH WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY NOTHING ? ZERO IS UNACCEPTABLE REMEMBER WILL, WE’RE TALKING ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND HAPPINESS !

WILL I MEAN NOTHING !

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JOSH WERE THEY IN MASS ? I MEAN MOM, DAD, BEAUTIFUL ? YES OR NO WILL ?

WILL OH, HERE COMES KERI. I BETTER.........

JOSH NO WILL, WE NEED TO RESOLVE THE GIRLFRIEND....AND KERI IS COOL......SHE’S BEEN THROUGH IT ALL. KERI HEY GUYS, YOU TOO WILL !

WILL REAL FUNNY MISS KERI !

JOSH KERI, BEFORE ANOTHER BUNCH OF CRAZIES COME IN HERE WHO WILL OCCUPY ME FOR HOURS ............

KERI RELAX JOSH ….THEY’RE ALL DOWN THE STREET WATCHING THE CELEBRATION ON WGN AS THE BREWERS GAVE THEM THE NL CENTRAL THIS YEAR. WILL WE’LL TAKE IT ANY WAY WE CAN GET IT. JOSH I AGREE....IT’S ONLY BEEN 99 YEARS. THERE HAVE BEEN MANY YEARS WITH SOSA, RYNO, DAWSON, SAUER, FERGIE, BILLIE, SANTO, BANKS, THE LIST GOES ON WHEN WE DESERVED TO BE THERE, BUT WERE NOT. AND GETTING BACK TO THE GIRLFRIEND WILL.........

KERI ARE YOU GUYS STILL TRYING TO RECONVENE WILL’S LOST RELATIONSHIP ?

JOSH YES KERI, WE WERE JUST AT 5 PM SATURDAY NIGHT MASS IN HIGHLANDS PARK AND WILL SAW THE FAMILY .........

WILL OK JOSH...I DID EVERYTHING, WAS TOTALLY COOL....THEY JUST STARED AT ME - ALL OF THEM - LIKE IT WOULD BE RACIAL MIXING OR SOMETHING. JOSH BUT YOU’VE GOTEM THINKING. THERE WASN’T A GUY NEXT TO THE CUTE KAPPA WAS THERE ?

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WILL NO, JOSH. THIS IS A TOTAL LOST CAUSE - THOUGH I TOTALLY LOVE HER AND WOULD GIVE UP ALL EARTHLY BELONGINGS FOREVER TO HAVE HER, IT WON’T HAPPEN. JOSH THE BREWER FAN DOWN THERE LISTENING TO US THINKS YOU SHOULD HAVE A DATE AT WEAGHMAN’S PARK. KERI OK GUYS - I’VE HEARD ENOUGH. FIRST, 20 SOMETHINGS DON’T DATE - ESPECIALLY NOT AT WEAGHMAN’S. I MEAN IF SHE CAME IN HERE SHE WOULD CANCEL THE RELATIONSHIP FOREVER AND MAYBE COMMIT SUICIDE. FOR GOD’S SAKE GUYS, SHE’S FROM HIGHLAND PARK - NOT FREEPORT. WILL OK THAT SETTLES IT - IT IS OVER - EVEN IF SHE CALLS. I CAN’T DEAL WITH THAT MOTHER BITCH. JUST CAN’T. JOSH SIMMER DOWN WILL - ONCE SHE CHANGES A COUPLE DIAPERS THE BITCH MOM IN LAW WILL SETTLE IN AND SHE’LL LOVE YOU. KERI JOSH, WHY ARE YOU THINKING THIS IS A MARRIAGE FOR THE AGES ESPECIALLY COMING FROM A REBELLIOUS OPPRESSIVELY DEFIANT 20 SOMETHING WHO HASN’T HAD A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP SINCE YOU DATED THAT GEEK AT WRIGLEYVILLE HIGH - AS IF YOU’RE THE EXPERT ON RELATIONSHIPS - YOU ONLY KNOW CUBS. WILL IN FACT JOSH THERE ARE MORE MARRIAGES NOW MADE ON E-HARMONY AND MATCH.COM THAN CONVENTIONAL MALE DOMINATED SEQUENCES. JOSH WHAT DO YOU THINK KERI ?

KERI I FEEL JUST LET THIS RELATIONSHIP HAPPEN. IF SHE WANTS BACK IN SHE’LL SHOW UP DESPITE HER BITCH MOM - THAT SIMPLE - THOUGH I DON’T FEEL SHE WILL. I STILL FEEL WILL IS A GOOD CATCH AND NOT WITH JUST A FOOTBALL. WILL THANKS, BUT I CANNOT EVEN GET INTO OHARE APPRENTICE SCHOOL WITH AN INTEREST IN MECHANICS. MY PARENTS WANT ME TO RAMP AND MOVE OUT. I’M A TOTAL FLOP. I DON’T HAVE DEGREES LIKE YOU ALL DO, CAN’T PROCESS, AND I CAN’T KEEP A GIRLFRIEND DESPITE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT.

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KERI CHILL WILL. WE’LL ALL FIGURE THIS OUT. AND LIKE JOSH SAYS, YOU DON’T ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE A PARTNER - WE DON’T AND WE’RE SURVIVING. JOSH THRIVING !

WILL BUT I’VE NEVER HAD A STATUS OF NO GIRLFRIEND. KERI GOOD GOD WILL, IT’S OK. HALF THE CUBS DON’T EITHER AND THEY’RE OK. JUST LET IT HAPPEN AND DON’T DATE THE KAPPA AT WEAGHMAN’S. JOSH DUSTY BAKER FOR CINCY - JUST A RUMOR BUT I LIKE IT. KERI YES, THAT JUST MEANS MORE WINS IN OUR COLUMN FOR 2008.

WILL A TON MORE. DUSTY COULDN’T MANAGE A LITTLE LEAGUE TEAM. JOSH OH, I THINK THINGS JUST DIDN’T WORK OUT HERE - LIKE PRYOR AND WOODS. YOU NEED A BIT OF LUCK ALSO. DUSTY MAY RISE TO BITE US. KERI I SAY WHAT A WASTE OF GOOD CHAMPAIGN. BUT I’LL TAKE IT. I WONDER IF THEY HAVE ANY ZUERCHER CHEESE FOR THE CELEBRATION ?

JOSH I DOUBT IT. BUT ZUERCHER’S DOES DELIVER AROUND THE GLOBE. WE’VE HAD SOME PLAYERS AND COACHES IN FOR SOME BITTER CHEDDAR... AND THEY DIDN’T LEAVE. WILL LIKE WHO - MCDONOUGH - THE PRESIDENT ?

JOSH BOSS SAYS NOT TO SAY WHO ON THE CUBS HAS BEEN HERE AS THIS IS A WISQUITO TYPE OF PLACE - BUT THEY SPECIFICALLY COME IN HERE FOR THE SHEBOYGAN BRATS AND WISQUITO BEER. WILL AND THE STALIN BREW FROM THE NORTHLAND !

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KERI LOOKS LIKE WE’LL PLAY ARIZONA. WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO MOW THEM DOWN QUITE EASILY. IT’S ALL CENTER STAGE FOR RAMIREZ AND SORIANO NOW. JOSH YOU BET - I FEEL WE’LL WIN IT IN 4 - NO MATTER WHO WE PLAY. KERI NOT SO FAST - WE’VE TRIED TO GIVE THE DIVISION BACK TO MILWAUKEE THE PAST MONTH - BUT THEY REFUSED TO TAKE IT. THEY HAVE LED ALMOST THE ENTIRE SEASON. JOSH YOU’RE SAYING WE REALLY NEED TO PLAY LIKE A TEAM - WELL THIS IS LOU BALL - NO SUPERSTARS - JUST A TOTAL TEAM EFFORT. WE MAY WIN ALL 3 SERIES YET TO COME. KERI GET REAL JOSH - IF WE PLAY OUT OF OUR HEADS - WELL YES - BUT WE HAVEN’T HAD TIMELY HITTING - AND OUR PITCHING HAS BEEN SPOTTY. I JUST DON’T KNOW !

WILL WITH GUYS LIKE SANTO AND THE ENTIRE NORTH SIDE CHEERING, WE CAN SCREAM THIS TEAM TO WINS. WE HAVE THE VERY BEST FANS, TRADITION, MONEY, AND PRIDE. KERI THAT WON’T WIN GAMES. TRUST ME. I STILL FEEL THAT MANY OF OUR PLAYERS GET CAUGHT UP WITH GEE HERE I AM GROWING UP IN SAY FAIRFIELD ALABAMA AND NOW I’M ON THE CUBS IN DOWNTOWN CHICAGO - THEY DON’T PLAY LIKE THEY DID IN FAIRFIELD. JOSH THAT’S PRETTY GOOD KERI BECAUSE WILLIE MAYS GREW UP THERE. KERI I WAS JUST CHECKING TO SEE IF YOU WERE ON YOUR GAME. AND WILL, DON’T SIT THERE AND SULK LIKE A LOST PUPPY - YOU’LL FIND A NEW GIRL AND SHE’LL LOVE YOU TO DEATH. I WOULD GET TREATMENT FOR THE ADDDD OR WHATEVER BEFORE I WENT ANYWHERE. IN FACT THAT WOULD MAYBE IMPRESS THE HIGHLAND PARK BITCH EMPRESS MOM. WILL BUT WHERE ?

KERI GET WITH THE PROGRAM WILL. CHECK OUT EDUCATIONAL ASSISTANCE, PSYCHIATRISTS, COLLEGE PSYCHOLOGISTS, EDUCATORS AND COMMITTED ADULTS WHO DEAL WITH HIS STUFF DAILY. WE’VE CONQUERED MANY DISEASES AND WE’RE CONQUERING THIS ONE AS WE SPEAK. 7

WILL HOW DOES A WELFAROLOGIST KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT THIS STUFF ?

KERI HALF MY CLIENTS WHEN I WAS IN GRAD SCHOOL WERE AFFECTED BY THIS STUFF. YOU NEED TO STOP, GET TREATMENT, AND THEN MOVE ON. YOU’RE MORE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR SPERM COUNT THAN YOUR FUTURE. JOSH EASY KERI........

KERI LOOK GUYS, I’M REALLY SO SICK OF WIMPY GUYS I COULD PUKE. YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE WHAT GIRLS WANT AND MANY OF US FEEL UNFULFILLED IF WE DON’T HAVE A GUY - BUT THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN A WHINING GUY WHO GIVES UP AND REFUSES TO MOVE ON IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. IT’S LIKE THE CUBS...WE COULDN’T WIN WITH DUSTY - EVEN IF HE HAD THE NL ALL STAR TEAM SO MANAGEMENT DECIDED TO MOVE ON.... AND NOW WE HAVE LOU WHO YOU KNOW HOW HE FEELS WITHOUT WORDS BEING SPOKEN - HE’S NOT A WIMP - HE’S A REAL GUY. WITH LOU IT IS HIS MIND FUNCTIONING, THEN EMOTIONS FLOW BY HIS NON VERBAL COMMUNICATION - USUALLY FROWNING - THEN WORDS EMANATE WHICH IS JUST FROSTING. IN FACT IF LOU LOSES, HE’D PROBABLY QUIT RATHER THAN HAVE SOME MANAGEMENT JERK FORCE HIM TO RETIRE OR GET FIRED. JOSH I WILL ADMIT LOU DOESN’T ACT AND SAY LIKE DUSTY, “ EVERYTHING IS OK AND WE’LL WORK IT OUT .“ LOU WORKS IT OUT RIGHT THEN AND THERE...NO QUESTION. KERI THE CUBBIES WOULDN’T WIN THIS DIVISION TONIGHT IF ANYONE ELSE WERE MANAGING US EXCEPTING GOD - AND EVEN THEN I DON’T KNOW AS DIFFICULT AS IT IS TO WIN IN CHICAGO. WILL WHAT IS THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GOD AND LOU ?

JOSH I GIVE UP ?

WILL GOD THINKS HE CAN MANAGE THE CUBS. JOSH WELL I’LL ADMIT NOT EVEN OBAMA CAN MANAGE THE CUBS - SO THIS IS HEROIC AND HISTORIC.....AND I MAY HAVE A LEINIES BEFORE THE NIGHT IS THROUGH.

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KERI AND DON’T COUNT ON THE PAPERS TO HELP US EITHER. THEY WILL CHEW LOU AND THE CUBS APART IF THEY DON’T PRODUCE. TRUST ME. WILL AND THERE WILL BE ZERO SUPPORT SOUTH OF THE KENNEDY EXPRESSWAY. HECK THE BREWER FANS WILL CHEER FOR US MORE THAN THOSE CREEPY LOW LIFE SOX FANS. KERI SO WILL - THE ANSWER TO YOUR ADDDDD PROBLEM IS TO GET HELP FROM THE VERY BEST EDUCATORS IN CHICAGO...AND IF THERE IS STILL LUST FOR THE HIGHLANDS PARK GAL, GO AFTER HER........EVEN HER BITCH MOM IS INDIRECTLY TELLING YOU TO GET HELP. JOSH WE ALL HAVE PROBLEMS WILL. THE VERY LEAST PROBLEM YOU’LL EVER HAVE IS FINDING A GIRL. HECK KERI AND I CAN’T EVEN GET A DATE ON E-HARMONY LET ALONE ESTABLISH A RELATIONSHIP. KERI YES ALL THOSE SURVEYS AND PROFILES WANT YOU TO SAY WHAT ARE YOUR DREAMS - LIKE 3,4 OR 5 KIDS, HOUSE OF 4,5, OR 6 THOUSAND SQUARE FEET, CARS THAT ARE LIKE YOUR LIVING ROOM, REPUBLICAN PARTY AFFILIATIONS, OWNER OF TONS OF MUTUAL FUNDS.....NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME AT WEAGHMAN’S PARK, WATCHING EVERY CUBS GAME I CAN, SPONGING A BIT WHILE I’M A 20 SOMETHING. HERE LOOKS DON’T MATTER - E=HARMONY TYPES WANT VANS, SOCCER GOALS, AND PRIVATE SCHOOLS. JOSH YES WILL, AFTER YOUR PROCESSING HELP WORKS, YOU CAN GO ON E-HARMONY AND BE A STAR. YOU HAVE BEEN ALL CONFERENCE, HAVE ASPIRATIONS, AND YOUR LOOKS WILL WIN OVER THIS TYPE OF CLIENT. THESE GIRLS WON’T WANT TO HANG AROUND WRIGLEY - TRUST ME. THEY WANT DIAPERS, SUNDAY BEARS GAMES AT THE PARENTS, THE DELLS, THE NORTHSIDE, NAVY PIER, SOCCER GAMES EVERY NIGHT, THE WHOLE CHICAGO THING. WILL YES, MAYBE I’LL CALL FOR HELP TOMORROW IF I CAN MUSTER THE COURAGE. KERI REMEMBER WILL, NO GAL LIKES A WIMP. YOUR 80 YARD BOMBS AND LOOKS WILL ONLY GO SO FAR. OH MY GOD THE CROWD DOWN THE STREET IS COMING IN HERE....

JOSH I THINK MY DISCUSSION TIME IS ABOUT OVER WITH. THESE ARE ALL THE CUBBY FANS CELEBRATING THE NL CENTRAL DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP.

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WILL YES, YOUNG 20 SOMETHINGS THAT DON’T PUT ALL THAT MUSTARD ON THEIR BRATS. THESE JUST EAT’EM PLAIN BECAUSE THEY ARE SO DAM GOOD. KERI HEY, I THINK I KNOW THIS ONE GUY POPPING IN. JOSH KERI - YOU KNOW EVERYBODY IN CHICAGO - OR AT LEAST YOU THINK YOU DO. KERI NO JOSH, I REALLY DO KNOW THIS GUY. I THINK I DATED HIM A LONG TIME AGO - LIKE IN WRIGLEYVILLE HIGH. WILL THAT THIN GUY WITH LONG SCRAGGLY HAIR - THAT GUY - WHAT A MISMATCH. KERI IN WHAT WAY - WILL. WHO IS OVERDATING ?

WILL WELL THIS GUY IS AN ABSOLUTE CREEP - YOU ARE A 9 AND HE IS A 1 - 2.

KERI OH THANKS WILL - BUT MOST GUYS FIGURE I’M AT LEAST A 9.5. YOU’RE SICK WITH YOUR RATINGS. YOU ARE TOO MUCH OF A GUY - VERY INSENSIBLE. OH MY GOD - HE’S COMING OVER HERE. WILL LET ME PROTECT YOU KERI. I’LL TELL HIM WE’RE NEARLY ENGAGED. KERI NO, THAT TEMPORARY LIE IS TOO MUCH FOR ME. I’D RATHER TALK TO HIM. SKIP HI KERI. LONG TIME THAT WE’VE BEEN APART. WILL DID YOU TWO GO STEADY, DATE, GO OUT, OR WHAT ?

KERI DON’T MIND HIM SKIP - THIS IS WILL - A CLONED HYBRID SPERM BANK EXPERIMENT GONE BAD - TOO MUCH MALE ELEMENT. SKIP WELL IT’S NICE TO SEE YOU. LAST I HEARD YOU WERE ENGAGED TO THE QUARTERBACK - HECK I NEVER THOUGHT I’D EVER SEE YOU AGAIN.

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KERI WELL SKIP - IT DIDN’T WORK OUT........SO I’M BACK HERE AT WEAGHMAN’S PARK HAVING FUN, LIVING....

SKIP WELL YOU ALWAYS LIKED THE CUBS.......AND I COULDN’T STAND THEM........BUT YOU CAN’T AVOID THEM LIVING RIGHT HERE IN WRIGLEYVILLE. HECK, YOU JUST ABSORB THE CUBS IN EVERY WAY. WILL SO NOW YOU TOLERATE THEM. SKIP WOW, WILL YOU ARE A GENIUS. EXACTLY CORRECT. I TOLERATE THEM. KERI ACTUALLY SKIP, WILL IS FAR FROM A GENIUS. HE HAS ADDDDD. SKIP OH YOU MEAN ADHD. HECK EVERYONE HAS A BIT OF THAT AT TIMES. KERI NO SKIP - WILL REALLY HAS IT. HE IS VERY SMART BUT CANNOT PROCESS. SKIP OH, SORRY WILL. HOW CAN I HELP ?

WILL YOU HELP ME ?

SKIP WELL I’M A TEACHER AT THE LOCAL JUNIOR HIGH AND I KNOW RESOURCES. JOSH YES, PUT WILL IN WITH JUNIOR HIGH CUB FANS. THAT MIGHT WORK. KERI NO GUYS, THIS IS SERIOUS. I’VE HEARD IT ALL. HERE SKIP IS OFFERING HELP AND YOU ALL MAKE SNIDE REMARKS. SKIP WHAT I’M SAYING WILL, IS THAT CHICAGO IS FULL OF GREAT RESOURCES FOR ADHD... AND YOU SHOULD USE THEM. WILL WELL I’M JUST AT THE POINT OF BEING FORCED TO GET HELP. WHAT DO YOU TEACH SKIP ?

SKIP I TEACH JUNIOR HIGH BAND. 11

KERI ALL THE INSTRUMENTS. I REMEMBER YOU WERE A BAND GEEK. SKIP YES, THAT’S WHY YOU BROKE UP WITH ME. YOU WANTED A FOOTBALL STAR - WHICH I WAS NOT - AND NEVER WAS GONNA BE. WILL THAT’S FOR SURE. KERI SHUT UP WILL...SKIP IS TRYING TO HELP YOU - REMEMBER ?

JOSH SIR, I’LL GET THOSE ZUERCHER CHEESE SANDWICHES UP FOR YOU IN A MINUTE...AND THE SHEBOYGAN BRATS ARE NEARLY DONE ALSO. YOU WANT ONIONS, MELTED CHEESE, AND PEPPERS ON ALL OF THE BRATS ?

OK. SKIP YOU GUYS SERVE ZUERCHER’S HERE. NO WONDER THIS PLACE IS SO POPULAR. A WISCONSIN THEME NEXT TO WRIGLEY - PRETTY NEAT. I’LL HAVE TO COME HERE MORE OFTEN. WILL YOU DIDN’T PAY YOUR COVER SKIP. IT COST MONEY TO COME IN HERE. JOSH YES SIR, THIS IS THE ZUERCHER CHEESE FROM SKOKIE. THERE ARE RELATIVES IN GREEN COUNTY WISCONSIN ALSO THAT MAKE CHEESE. KERI SO WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING SKIP ? DOESN’T LOOK LIKE YOU’RE MARRIED. SKIP NO, I WAS AS CLOSE AS IT GETS, BUT THEN BOPPED OUT AT THE VERY LAST MINUTE. CALLED IT OFF THE NIGHT BEFORE. KERI WHY ?

SKIP I DIDN’T LOVE HER...AND I DIDN’T THINK I WANTED TO MARRY RIGHT THEN. JUST A STRONG FEELING. JOSH OH MY GOD..........ALL OF CHICAGO IS COMING IN HERE. THERE ISN’T ROOM NOR IS THERE ENOUGH BRATS AND CHEESE. I THOUGHT I HAD ENOUGH. OH WELL.

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KERI SO SKIP, ARE YOU DATING NOW ?

WILL I THINK I BETTER LEAVE KERI AS YOU TWO SEEM TO HAVE SOMETHING GOING. KERI NO STAY WILL. WE ARE ALL ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY. WE CAN GET SERIOUS LATER.....BUT TO BE HONEST I’M NOT INTERESTED IN BEING SERIOUS WITH ANYONE FOR QUITE A WHILE. SKIP SOUNDS LIKE THAT QB DID YOU IN. KERI I WANTED A FRESH START - FIRST AND 10, NOT EXTRA INNINGS WITH THAT CREEP. SO YOU’RE NOT DATING SKIP ?

SKIP WELL I’M PRETTY BUSY. I JUST TRAVELED WITH THE SCHOOL TO THE BAND CHAMPIONSHIPS IN CHAMPAIGN LAST WEEK - WHERE WE WERE FORTUNATE TO WIN. JOSH WOW SKIP, I OVERHEARD THAT. GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENT. SKIP YES, MY KIDS REALLY STEPPED UP...AND NOW THEY MAY PLAY AT A BEARS GAME THIS YEAR. WILL FOOTBALL OR MUSIC ?

SKIP LET ME TELL YOU WILL - WE HAVE SOME KIDS THAT WILL GO TO THE VERY BEST MUSIC AND FINE ART SCHOOLS IN THE COUNTRY - LIKE JUILLIARD, NYU, BERKLEY....

WILL NORTHERN ILLINOIS ?

SKIP NO WILL, BUT ACTUALLY NORTHERN’S MUSIC DEPARTMENT IS REALLY IMPROVING. I HEAR NOTHING BUT GREAT THINGS ABOUT NORTHERN. KERI YES, WILL WAS ALMOST A NORTHERN ALUMNUS. NOW HE’S...WELL WE’RE WORKING ON THE ALUMNI THING. WILL SO SKIPPER....

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KERI NO WILL, IT’S SKIP. WILL OK SKIP, SO ARE YOU DATING IN BETWEEN MUSIC CONCERTS AND MARCHES ?

JOSH WILL, NOT EVERYONE HAS TO HAVE A GIRL 24/7 LIKE YOU. IT’S OK THAT SOMEONE IS NOT DATING. WILL WELL I THOUGHT KERI WOULD WANT TO KNOW....SINCE THEY BOTH USED TO DATE OR SOMETHING. SKIP GUYS, KERI AND I WERE JUST VERY GOOD HIGH SCHOOL BUDDIES VERY DIFFERENT...AND THAT IS WHY WE GOT ALONG…..SHE LIKED CHEERLEADING, JOCKS, SPORTS AND ALL THAT …..AND I LIKED THEATER, MUSIC, FINE ART STUFF AND...........

WILL FLOWERS. JOSH MY GOD WILL... YOU’RE ACTING LIKE A BOOMER NOW. SO WHAT IF SKIP WERE GAY ? HOW WOULD IT CHANGE ANYTHING ? IT’S NOT LIKE YOU’RE GONNA MARRY HIM OR NOT BE A FRIEND. KERI YEAH WILL, YOU SOUND LIKE OUR PARENTS WHO SEIZE IF THEY HEAR THE GAY WORD. IT’S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL. IT IS GENETIC, ALL FAMILIES HAVE IT IN THEIR LINES, IT HURTS NO ONE....CHILL WILL. WILL LOOK SKIPPER....I MEAN SKIP..I’M SORRY. I KNOW JOSH, KERI AND YOU ARE MORE ADVANCED THAN I AM. IT’S JUST THAT MY WHOLE LIFE I’VE BEEN AROUND SUCH STUDS....

SKIP MANY OF WHO WERE GAY. WILL YOU’RE PROBABLY RIGHT. SKIP WELL SINCE WE’RE ALL OPEN HERE..I MEAN I KNOW YOU HAVE ADHD..I CAN LET YOU ALL KNOW THAT ONLY HAVING ONE LEINIES THAT I DON’T KNOW IF I’M HETEROSEXUAL, ASEXUAL, BISEXUAL, OR GAY. WILL WOW, SKIP...YOU NEED THE CLINIC MORE THAN I DO. 14

KERI YES SKIP, I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE...

OTHER THAN A GREAT MUSICIAN. BUT AGAIN IT’LL WORK ITSELF OUT. SKIP WELL TO BE HONEST I HAVE FEELINGS ALL OVER THE MAP SO THAT’S WHY I DIDN’T GET MARRIED. KERI WELL CAN YOU LITERALLY PLAY ALL THE INSTRUMENTS IN AN ORCHESTRA OR BAND ?

SKIP YOU BET...AND I’VE RECORDED AN INSTRUMENTAL CD THIS PAST YEAR. WILL PHIL COLLINS WITHOUT THE VOICE. SKIP ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. JOSH SAY THIS NEW SOUTH SIDE CUSTOMER THINKS THE CUBBIES WILL FALL APART AGAINST ARIZONA IF THEY PLAY THEM. WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK ?

KERI ARAMIS RAMIREZ IS AGAIN THE KEY DOWN THE STRETCH INTO THE PLAYOFFS. HE IS A GREAT THIRD BASEMAN. JOSH AND HE’S FROM THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC - WHERE THEY PLAY ALL YEAR ROUND...AND KNOW BASEBALL. I AGREE ARAMIS IS THE KEY. WILL NOT ONLY THAT AND JOSH DIDN’T TELL YOU THIS, BUT RAMIREZ HAS BEEN AN ALL STAR BEFORE, HAS HOMERED 3 TIMES IN 3 MAJOR LEAGUE GAMES. THE GUY CAN TURN IT ON AND BE LIGHTS OUT. JOSH WILL, YOU’VE BEEN LISTENING TO ME WAY TOO MUCH. WILL WELL, I’M INTO THE PLAYOFFS NOW BIG TIME. KERI AND ADDDD TREATMENT...REMEMBER. WILL OK MOTHER KERI.

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SKIP YES, I GREW UP JUST DOWN THE STREET AND I REMEMBER THAT SCRAWNY KID WHO BLOCKED OUR TRIP TO THE SERIES IN 2003.

KERI YES BARTMAN, STEVE BARTMAN. JOSH OCTOBER 14, 2003 - A DAY WHICH WILL LIVE IN INFAMY FOR CUB FANS. WILL YES, BUT IN REALITY THIS WAS A NO BRAINER. BARTMAN LEAVES THE BALL ALONE, ALOU CATCHES THE BALL, NO 8 RUNS SCORED IN THE 8TH INNING. SIMPLE. WE WIN IT IN SIX AND ADVANCE. JOSH AND PRYOR HAD A 3 HITTER GOING TO THE 8TH INNING AGAINST THE MARLINS. KERI I THINK BARTMAN WAS A GUY WHO CANNOT THINK DEEPLY LIKE GALS. GUYS ARE REFLEXIVE. THEY JUST SEE A GIRL OR A BALL AND GO AFTER THEM - MOST OF THE TIME NOT THINKING. SKIP ALL I KNOW IS THAT BARTMAN WAS ESCORTED OUT OF THE GAME IMMEDIATELY FOR HIS OWN PROTECTION. JOSH AND THE CUBS ISSUED A STATEMENT THE NEXT DAY SAYING THAT BARTMAN THOUGHT HE WAS RETRIEVING A FOUL BALL - LIKE KERI SAID A GUY NON THINKING REFLEX. SKIP YES, BUT WE WENT ON TO LOSE THE 7TH GAME TO THE MARLINS ALSO. I DON’T KNOW IF BARTMAN TOTALLY PREVENTED US FROM GOING TO THE SERIES - FIRST TIME SINCE 45.

KERI WELL I PERSONALLY THINK WE’D HAVE WON IF HE DIDN’T INTERFERE, BUT THE ONLY WAY TO STOP THAT STUFF IS TO PUT NON TOMBOY GIRLS IN THE FIRST ROWS...AND THE TRIBUNE WON’T DO THAT. WILL BUT THE NEW OWNER MIGHT. WE NEED TO STEP UP IF WE’RE GONNA WIN THIS THING. I FEEL LOU IS AWARE OF ALL OF THIS. IN FACT HE MAY SAY IN THE PAPERS TO LEAVE THE FOUL BALLS ALONE IF CLOSE. JOSH WELL OUR NEW CUSTOMER FROM THE SOUTH SIDE SAYS WEBB, JACKSON, DREW, QUENTIN, TRACY, YOUNG, MONTERO, REYNOLDS, AND

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APTON WILL EAT US ALIVE. THIS IS A NEW INVIGORATED TEAM - THE POST COLANGELO ERA. KERI I FEEL THEY CAN’T GET OVER LOSING LUIS GONZALEZ AND RANDY JOHNSON DOWN THERE. THEY WILL COME UP VERY SHORT AND I WOULDN’T BE SURPRISED IF LOU’S CUBS SWEEP THEM UNDER THE RUG. WILL I TOTALLY AGREE. NO WAY WILL THEY KEEP US WITH US WITHOUT A FLUKE IN A 5 GAME SERIES. SKIP I HOPE YOU’RE ALL RIGHT. JOSH OUR SOUTH SIDER THINKS WE’RE ALL JUST LOOKING PAST THESE GUYS IF WE PLAY THEM - AND IT LOOKS LIKE WE WILL. HE THINKS THESE YOUNG DIAMOND BACKS ARE REALLY TOUGH. KERI WELL, HE IS A SPY FROM DOWN SOUTH. NEED WE SAY MORE WITHOUT GETTING INTO A GUY TYPE FIGHT. JOSH HEY, HE’S COOL. THE SOX ARE NOT EVEN IN THE DISCUSSION. WILL WELL JOSH EVERYONE KNOWS THERE IS A LINE IN THIS TOWN CALLED I - 94. THERE IS NO IN BETWEEN. THIS IS A REAL INVISIBLE WALL THAT HAREY CAREY CONSTRUCTED YEARS AGO. YOU HAVE TO HAVE A SPECIAL PASS TO ENTER NORTH - BEYOND A PASSPORT. KERI YES, THOSE FOLKS DO SOUTH SIDE STUFF DOWN THERE...LIKE GO TO BOWLING GREEN FOR VACATION. WILL IN FACT SOME DOWN THERE ACTUALLY THINK ST. LOUIS IS A COOL PLACE TO VISIT. SKIP YES, I ACTUALLY GET NAUSEATED WHEN I THINK OF SOUTH SIDERS. KERI I KNEW A GUY THAT IF YOU MENTIONED OZZIES NAME HAD LITERAL PROJECTILE VOMITING - HE HATED THE SOX AND THEIR OUTRIGHT OBNOXIOUSNESS SO MUCH.

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JOSH BUT THEY GIVE US NICE FRIENDLY COMPETITION. AND THEY’VE WON THE WHOLE THING MORE RECENTLY THAN WE HAVE. THEY FLAT OUT HAVE BEEN BETTER. KERI WELL THIS OZZIE TEAM THIS YEAR IS PATHETIC. THEY LUMBER TO FIRST BASE WHEN THEY GET THE CHANCE. SKIP AND THEY DROP ANYTHING THAT’S NOT A GIMME. IN FACT WGN’S HIGHLIGHTS ARE SOMETIMES SOX BLOOPERS. KERI YEAH, ALL THE GIRLS DOWN THERE THINK IT’S COOL TO SIT IN RIGHT NEXT TO THE DUGOUT AND WOW AT THE MIDDLE RELIEVERS - BECAUSE THEY’VE HAD TO USE THEM SO MUCH THIS YEAR. JOSH I’M SURE KERI WOULDN’T GO TO SOX PARK UNLESS IT WAS THE MOST SPECIAL GUY IN THE WORLD. WILL YEAH, IT WOULD BE COOL IF YOU ENDED UP FALLING FOR A SOX GUY KERI. WHAT WOULD YOU DO ?

KERI NEVER GET INVOLVED IN THE FIRST PLACE - DO A 180...AND IF I WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO CARRY IT A STEP FURTHER, I WOULD ANNULL THE ORDEAL. THIS WOULD BE A MIXED MARRIAGE AND IT WOULD NEVER WORK. I’M OUTTA HERE. TOO MANY PEOPLE. SEE YOU ALL IN A COUPLE DAYS. GO CUBS. END - EPISODE 3, CLARK & ADDISON

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