cold rooms CHAPTER XIV “late inning relief” THE SURGICAL TEAM AT COOK COUNTY HOSPITAL HAS BEEN EXTREMELY BUSY THIS SUMMER WITH ALL TYPES OF SURGERY. DR. CLAY RANKIN, PLASTIC RECONSTRUCTIVE AND TRAUMA SURGEON, HAS BEEN KEEPING THE “COLD ROOMS” OF THE OR (OPERATING ROOMS) HOPPING. TRAUMA,TRAUMA BRING BACKS AND MORE PATIENT REFERRALS ARE FLOWING INTO THE ALREADY OVERWHELMED OPERATING ROOMS (ORs) AT COOK COUNTY. MELANIE, SURGICAL SCRUB AND CIRCULATING OR NURSE HAS BEEN PLANNING HER WEDDING WITH SAM MAXWELL MD, A STAFF ANESTHESIOLOGIST. SAM MAINLY WORKS AT A NORTH CHICAGO/GOLD COAST HOSPITAL IN LAKE FOREST. SAM MOONLIGHTS AND DOES HIS “DOCTORS WITHOUT BORDERS” IN DOWNTOWN CHICAGO TREATING INDIGENT PATIENTS AND TRAINING STAFF RESIDENTS/ FELLOWS. THE ENTIRE CHICAGO AREA IS BUZZED ABOUT THE WHITE SOX POTENTIALLY MAKING THE SERIES - AND MAYBE EVEN WINNING IT ALL AFTER THE DEPARTURE OF OZZIE. THE BEARS LOOK FORWARD TO ANOTHER GREAT YEAR IF THEY CAN HOLD IT TOGETHER AND AVOID INJURIES. BEATING GREEN BAY IS ENTIRELY FEASIBLE. DR. RANKIN IS JOINED BY THE MAIN TRAUMA TEAM SURGEON DR. HANSON AND HIS NURSE GLENDA - BOTH DIE HARD SOX FANS. CLAY HANSON IS DIVORCING JUDE, HIS PSYCHOTIC WIFE, WHO RECENTLY BECAME PREGNANT. THE SURGICAL GANG DOES “HANG” WITH SOME OF THE CUB NATION AT WEAGHMAN’S PARK, ON THE CORNER OF CLARK AND ADDISON. WEAGHMAN WAS THE FORMER OWNER OF THE CUBS, BERORE THE WRIGLEY FAMILY. CHARLIE WEAGHMAN BUILT WRIGLEY FIELD. ZUERCHER CHEESE AND BEER FROM CHIPPEWA FALLS AND NEW GLARUS FLOWS FREELY AT WEAGHMAN’S PARK. HANG ON TO YOUR FEELINGS AND BASEBALL THOUGHTS AS THE SPIRITED, SPORTS LOVING DOWNTOWN CHICAGO SURGICAL COOK COUNTY HOSPITAL TEAM DEALS WITH THE COLD ROOMS.
MELANIE OH MY GOD! HERE COMES THE REMAINING GUY FROM THAT TRAFFIC ACCIDENT ON THE STEPHENSON. THEY ARE CODING HIM IN THE HALLWAY. SHOULD WE BRING HIM IN DR. HANSON?
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DR. HANSON OF COURSE. HE’S YOUNG. WE’LL GET HIM THROUGH THIS. HE’S WITHIN A FEW MINUTES OF TRAUMA. I WANT SAM UP HERE STAT TO PROVIDE ANESTHESIA, O NEGATIVE UNIVERSAL DONOR BLOOD IN THE LEVEL ONE RAPID TRANSFUSION DEVICE INFUSING ON ARRIVAL. INCLUDE FACTOR VII, CRYOPRECIPITATE, FRESH FROZEN PLASMA AND PACKED RED CELLS - ALL NECESSARY BLOOD PRODUCTS WHICH THIS YOUNG GUY IS POURING OUT AS WE SPEAK. MELANIE IT LOOKS PROMISING - HE NOW HAS A REGULAR HEART RATE, A PULSE OXIMETER READING INDICATING PERFUSION TO HIS FINGER, AND SOME REAL COLOR. HERE HE IS: 1-2-3 TRANSFER. I’M HELPING SAM PERFORM THE RAPID SEQUENCE INTUBATION - HE LOOKS EASY! DR. HANSON THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN EASY INTUBATION IN TRAUMA. GIVE HIM 160 MG OF SUCCINYLCHOLINE TO PARALYZE HIM - I’LL PERFORM A TRACHESOTOMY IF WE CANNOT INTUBATE. HIS FACE IS SEVERELY SWOLLEN. KEEP LOOKING SAM AND THEN TRY THE GLIDE SCOPE I THINK YOU’LL NEED IT HERE. MELANIE WOW - THAT GLIDE SCOPE MADE A DIFFICULT INTUBATION EASY. WE’LL TAKE IT. GOOD JOB SAM. IS THE CHIEF RESIDENT RUNNING THE ANESTHESIA OR YOU? SAM IT’S SATURDAY EVENING, AND OUR CHIEF IS PUTTING IN EXTRA TIME FOR OCCASIONS LIKE THIS. IT’S HIS CASE. I’M HANGING THOUGH. OH MY GOD - THIS GUY IS GOING SOUR! I NEED EPINEPHRINE AND BICARB. HAVE THE PADDLES READY TO SHOCH - I’M GIVING A TON MORE BLOOD VOLUME EXPANDERS AND O NEGATIVE BLOOD. WE NEED TO MOVE FAST!
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DR. HANSON I’M INTO HIS CHEST AND CLAMPING HIS MAIN SEVERED PULMONARY ARTERY. BELIEVE THAT WILL HELP A LOT. I MAY NEED TO TAKE THE LUNG BECAUSE ITS BLOOD SUPPLY MAY ALSO BE GONE. MELANIE HIS SPLEEN LOOKS REALLY BAD. THAT’S NOT STAYING EITHER. AND WE’LL NEED TO PACK HIS LIVER AND GET HIM TO THE ICU. SAM SOUNDS GOOD. I’M HAVING TROUBLE MAINTAINING THIS GUY’S VITAL SIGNS, PH, HEMATOCRIT AND BLOOD VOLUME. HE NEEDS THE ICU TO REST A BIT BEFORE WE BRING HIM BACK IN HERE. PACKING SOUNDS VERY GOOD TO ME. DR. HANSON I’VE GOT NO CHOICE; THIS LUNG IS TOO SEVERELY DISEASED. I’M TAKING IT OUT. IT’S HIS LEFT SIDE, HE’LL BE FINE WITH THE RIGHT ONLY - THAT WILL GIVE HIM 60% FUNCTION. HE WON’T BE A MARATHON GUY, BUT HE’LL LIVE AND NOT HAVE TO COME BACK FOR MORE PULMONARY SURGERY. MELANIE HE’S STABILIZING SAM. CORRECT? SAM YES, NO PROBLEMS; THE NOREPINEPHRINE DRIP REALLY PERKED THIS GUY UP. ALL PERFUSION TO HIS BRAIN, KIDNEYS, HEART, AND HIS REMAINING LUNG IS GREAT. WE’LL TAKE IT. MELANIE MAYBE YOU SHOULD HOOK UP TO THAT NOREPINEPHRINE DRIP SAM. YOU’VE BEEN SO DEPRESSED LATELY. SAM WHAT? I’VE DEVOTED ALL MY LIFE TO MEDICINE, TRAUMA, THE OR - LIVED IN THESE VERY “COLD ROOMS” SINCE I WAS AN ORDERLY. AND NOW 4
THAT I’M TIRED BECAUSE OF THE NORTH SIDE JOB COMBINED WITH DOCTORS WITHOUT BORDERS IN CHICAGO - I’M DIAGNOSED WITH DEPRESSION? DR. HANSON MAY I INTERRUPT SAM? YOU ARE NOT WINNING THIS ARGUMENT. MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE A BACK SEAT TO THE TRAUMA STUFF FOR A WHILE. IT’S NOT GOING ANYWHERE - NO ONE WANTS TO DO THIS TYPE OF MEDICINE EXCEPTING THIS TEAM IN HERE RIGHT NOW. GLENDA I AGREE. I’M PUSHING THE MARRIAGE, KIDS, SUV, SOX GAMES, AND SEASON TICKETS FOR THE BEARS. IN FACT GET 4 OF THEM AND DR. HANSON AND I WILL GO UNTIL YOUR KIDS ARE OLD ENOUGH. SET A DATE SAM AND STICK TO IT. MELANIE DON’T WORRY; MY MOM HAS MADE ALL THE ARRANGEMENTS - EVEN WITHOUT THE DATE. SAM WOW! EVERYONE IS LAYING INTO ME. IT’S ALMOST LIKE HOW THE MEDIA LAYS INTO CUTLER WHEN HE THROWS A PICK. GLENDA WE’RE NOT THAT BAD SAM. YOU JUST NEED A BIT OF PUSHING - THAT’S ALL. MELANIE WE’LL SETTLE THIS ALL TONIGHT. DON’T WORRY. YOU’LL ALL BE INVITED. DR. HANSON ARE YOU TELLING US SOMETHING WE DON’T KNOW? MELANIE NO - BUT WE HAVE TENTATIVE PLANS FOR A THANKSGIVING WEDDING AT OSTOFFS IN ELKHART LAKE, WISCONSIN.
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GLENDA YES - I’VE BEEN THERE - BETTER THAN ANY PLACE IN CHICAGO - GREAT FOOD. DR. HANSON AND THEY HAVE ZUERCHER CHEESE UP THERE? SAM YES - BUT WE HAVEN’T ANNOUNCED A SET WEDDING DATE YET UNTIL WE FIND OUT IF SAM’S BROTHER CAN RETURN FROM THE MIDDLE EAST ON HIS ARMY TOUR. GLENDA SOUNDS TO ME LIKE THINGS ARE MOVING ALONG VERY WELL. MELANIE WE JUST DIDN’T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING UNTIL WE KNEW THAT SAM’S BROTHER WAS COMING BACK. WE HAVE THE GUEST LIST, ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE WEDDING, AND EVERYTHING ELSE COMPLETED EXCEPT THE DATE. OSTOFFS SAID THEY WOULD WORK WITH US. DR. HANSON WELL THAT’S PRETTY NEAT. I JUST HOPE I’M INVITED. ANYWAY I’VE GOT A MESS WITH THIS GUY’S LUNG. IT APPEARS THE OTHER ONE IS DAMAGED FAIRLY SEVERELY AS WELL. I’M RECONSTRUCTING HIS BRONCHI AND ATTEMPTING TO REESTABLISH A BLOOD SUPPLY TO ALL THE LUNG TISSUE. HE WON’T LIVE IF WE CANNOT MAINTAIN PERFUSION TO THIS VITAL ORGAN. SAM THE PATIENT IS DOING WELL. EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD REGARDING HIS OXYGEN SATURATION, ELECTROLYTES, HEMOGLOBIN LEVEL, AND BLOOD GASES. DR. HANSON THIS REALLY SUCKS TEAM. I DON’T THINK I CAN SAVE ANY LUNG TISSUE. WE’RE GOING ON CARDIO PULMONARY BYPASS. CALL IN THE TRANSPLANT TEAM AND ACTIVATE THE NATIONAL 6
SYSTEM THAT WE ARE IN URGENT NEED OF A LUNG FOR THIS GENTLEMAN TO SURVIVE. SEND OFF TISSUE TYPING. WHO KNOWS - WE MAY LUCK OUT AND GET SOME COMPATIBLE TISSUE HERE QUICKLY. GLENDA THE TRANSPLANT TEAM IS ALREADY IN HOUSE JUST FINISHING UP ANOTHER DISASTER CASE. THE IMMEDIATE TISSUE TYPING IS BEING DONE AND A RED ALERT FOR IMMEDIATE ORGAN PROCUREMENT HAS BEEN COMPLETED. MELANIE THERE’S THE PHONE AT THE DESK. THE LAB HAS FINISHED THE TISSUE TYPING SCREEN AND A MATCH IS IN PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA. THIS IS AN ONGOING HARVEST FROM ANOTHER CAR WRECK WITH A YOUNG BRAIN DEAD PATIENT. THE PITTSBURGH TRANSPLANT TEAM IS FLYING THE ORGAN OUT BY LEER JET IN A FEW MINUTES. THE DONOR FAMILY HAS CONSENTED. SAM WHAT ABOUT THE PATIENT ON THE TABLE FAMILY AUTHORIZING CONSENT TO PLACE ANOTHER’S PERSON ORGAN WITHIN HIM? DR. HANSON WE’RE TOTALLY PROTECTED. AS WE SPEAK THEY ARE TRYING TO FIND HIS FAMILY, BUT IN AN EMERGENCY BY ILLINOIS LAW, ONE CAN TRANSPLANT AN ORGAN. NO FORMAL CONSENT BY THE PATIENT OR FAMILY IS REQUIRED PER THE HOSPITAL’S DIRECTIVES. GLENDA OK WE’RE GIVING WAY TO THE TRANSPLANT TEAM. DID YOU SAY THEY ARE BRINGING A LIVER ALSO? DR. HANSON YES - I THINK THAT’S GREAT. THIS INJURY HAS CAUSED EXTENSIVE LIVER DAMAGE; IT MAY NOT STOP BLEEDING AND RECOVER. A LIVER TRANSPLANT IS A GREAT IDEA. OK TRANSPLANT TEAM, THIS CASE IS NOW YOURS. HAVE YOU LOCATED THE FAMILY? SHUCKS - I WAS HOPING 7
SOMEONE WOULD SHOW BECAUSE THE CLINICAL SITUATION IS STILL PRECARIOUS. MELANIE IT’S EARLY. WHY DON’T WE ALL GO DOWN TO WEAGHMANS AFTER THIS CASE? THE CUBS ARE OFF AND THE SOX ARE ON A WINNING STREAK. SAM MEL, DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO ROOT FOR THE SOX. THE SOX FANS BY THEMSELVES ARE ENOUGH TO MAKE ONE ILL. TO A DIE HARD CUB FAN THE SOX ARE TRAUMA TO THE DEEP EMOTIONS - ALL THE WAY TO THE THALAMIC OR DEEP SEATED EMOTIONAL PART OF THE BRAIN. GLENDA YOU’LL GET THROUGH IT SAM. LOOK WHO HAS DOMINATED CHICAGO THE PAST FEW YEARS - IT’S THE MIGHTY WHITE SOX. WHO KNOWS - ANOTHER WORLD SERIES MAY BE HERE WITH VENTURA MANAGING LIKE A TERROR ALL SEASON. DR. HANSON AND LOOK AT OUR HITTING - ESPECIALLY HOMERS, MY FAVORITE. RIOS, KONERKO, AND ALL THE REST ARE BUSTING THEM ALL OVER U.S. CELLULAR FIELD. I LOVE IT - ESPECIALLY AGAINST BIG MONEY TEAMS. SAM I’M JUST SICK LISTENING TO THIS. LET’S SHOWER AND HEAD TO WEAGHMAN’S PARK FOR SOME ZUERCHER CHEESE AND NEW GLARUS AND LEINE’S BEER FROM ABOVE THE BORDER. WHO KNOWS WHO WE MAY SEE PM THE NORTH SIDE. FADE OUT: FADE IN: SCENE IS AT WEAGHMAN’S PARK WHERE - DESPITE THE CUBBIES NOT PLAYING - THE PLACE HAS TONS OF CHICAGOANS THERE TALKING SPORTS, DRINKING BEER FROM WISCONSIN AND EATING PLATTERS OF ZUERCHER CHEESE.
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MELANIE I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW CROWDED THIS PLACE IS THIS IS TOTALLY INCREDIBLE. DR. HANSON I NOTICE THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE HERE WHO COME CLOSE TO GLENDA’S AND MY AGE. OBVIOUSLY WE MUST BE THE ONLY SOX FANS IN HERE WITH ALL THIS CUB STUFF ON THE WALLS AND PHOTOS OF CUB HISTORY EMBEDDED INTO THE TABLES. ANYWAY IT’S PRETTY COOL. LAST WORLD SERIES CUBBIES WIN WAS 1908 – THAT IS STUDYING ANCIENT US HISTORY. GLENDA DR. HANSON - WE AREN’T THAT OLD. WE JUST FEEL OLD AFTER THESE LONG SURGICAL TRAUMA CASES. MELANIE HEY LOOK - THERE’S THE NEW WRIGLEY COUPLE JOSH AND KERI. SHOULD WE....... SAM MY GOD MEL, I WAS ALMOST MARRIED TO KERI. I DON’T NEED TO FIND OUT HOW THEY ARE DOING. THAT’S PAST HISTORY. MELANIE IT’S TOO LATE. HERE THEY COME. NICE GOING MEL.
SAM
MELANIE HEY, HOW ARE YOU TWO DOING? LOOKS LIKE THINGS ARE HAPPENING. KERI THIS IS #2 AND IT CAN’T COME SOON ENOUGH. I’M STILL NAUSEATED WHICH IS STATISTICALLY SUPPOSED TO END AFTER THE FIRST TRIMESTER. I THINK I’M NAUSEATED THE REST OF MY LIFE. NOTHING WORKS.
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JOSH WE’LL JUST ASK SAM WHAT THE ANSWER IS - HE’S DEALING WITH NAUSEA AND VOMITING DAILY. KERI OK SAM, LAY IT ON ME. I’VE HAD EVERYTHING. SAM YOU ARE LOOKING GOOD KERI. I’D RECOMMEND B6, ZOFRAN, AND GOOD OLD FASHIONED BENADRYL NEARLY CONTINUOUSLY. THERE HAVEN’T BEEN ADVERSE EFFECTS ON BABIES EVEN IN THE FIRST TRIMESTER. KERI YES, I’LL TRY THAT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. SAM I ALSO ADD ACUPUNCTURE WITH LEARNING THE PROPER NEEDLE PLACEMENTS. DR. HANSON NOT BAD FOR AN ANESTHESIOLOGIST I MUST SAY. MELANIE SAM IS GOOD AT EVERYTHING EXCEPT PICKING A WINNING BASEBALL TEAM IN CHICAGO. JOSH DON’T RUB IT IN. THIS IS THE MOST PAINFUL SEASON WE HAVE EVER HAD. 400 BALL, INJURIES, HORRIFIC PITCHING AND HITTING FOR THE CUBS. WE ARE ESSENTIALLY PLAYING LIKE A DOUBLE A BASEBALL TEAM. GLENDA HI I’M GLENDA AND THIS IS DR. HANSON. I THINK WE MET YOU GUYS A FEW MONTHS AGO - WHEN THERE WAS STRONG HOPE FOR THE CUBS. SAD FOR YOU, BUT GREAT FOR THE FIRST PLACE WHITE SOX. I JUST HOPE THEY CAN FEND OFF DETROIT. THAT WILL BE TOUGH WITH A WRECKING CREW OF CABRERA, FIELDER, AND YOUNG.
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JOSH DON’T RUB IT IN. I CANNOT TALK ABOUT MANY OF THE CUBS THIS YEAR BECAUSE WHO KNOWS: RICKETTS MAY REPLACE THIS ENTIRE ORGANIZATION NEXT YEAR. GLENDA LOOK AT THE SOX WITH THEIR TIMELY HITTING AND PITCHING THIS YEAR. KONERKO, RIOS, AND PIERZYNSKI ARE ALL HITTING AROUND 300. THE HOMERS JUST KEEP COMING WITH THOSE THREE GUYS AND VICIEDO HITTING ABOUT 20 OR MORE EACH - WITH DUNN NEAR 40. DR. HANSON THE HOMERS AND EXTRA BASE HITS HAVE BEEN TIMELY. AND THE PITCHING WITH SALE GETTING 15 WINS HAS REALLY KEPT THE SOX ON PACE IN THE AL CENTRAL. SHOULD BE AN INTERESTING WORLD SERIES IN CHICAGO THIS FALL. KERI NOT SO FAST. I’M A TRUE SOX HATER. I DESPISE ANYONE WHO EVEN THINKS SOX. IT IS A FAN BASED DISEASE THAT IS INCURABLE. THOSE SOUTH SIDE FANS AND THAT TEAM HAVE ZERO CLASS. TOTALLY DESPICABLE. JOSH KERI, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU SAYING? THESE ARE ALL GOOD PEOPLE WHO SAVE TRAUMA VICTIMS ON I 294, RESUSCITATE VICTIMS WHO HAVE JUMPED OFF THE SEARS TOWER, AND TAKE CARE OF ONE SHOOTING AFTER ANOTHER. CHILL! DR. HANSON IT’S OK JOSH - I UNDERSTAND HOW FRUSTRATED CUB FANS ARE AFTER GETTING KILLED IN THE INTER LEAGUE PLAY THIS YEAR. GLENDA I FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT NORTH SIDERS. THEY ARE POMPOUS YOU KNOW WHAT. THE NORTH ENDERS ARE NOT SALT OF THE EARTH PEOPLE LIKE THE PEOPLE WE WORK AMONGST AND PATIENTS WE CARE FOR WHO HAVE COME ON HARD TIMES. ALL NORTH SIDERS ARE 11
TRUST FUND BABIES WHO PARTICIPATE IN THE WUSSIFICATION OF OUR PLANET. ONE TRUST FUND FEEDS ANOTHER. AND ON IT GOES – AND NEVER STOPS. IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY IN BASEBALL. THAT’S WHY THE SOX CONTINUE TO MAINTAIN THE PACE WITH THIS BLUE COLLAR ATTITUDE. THE SOX EARN ALL THEIR VICTORIES. CUBS TRY TO PAY LARGE SALARIES AND BONUSES; AND LOOK WHERE IT’S TAKEN THEM. MELANIE THIS IS GREAT - A LADIES’ SOX VS CUBS FIGHT. I’LL HAVE SOME MORE ZUERCHER’S MUENSTER CHEESE AND A NAKED BEER FROM NEW GLARUS. GLENDA YOU ARE GETTING THE LOOKS BECAUSE YOU HAVE A WHITE SOX PURSE. NOTHING COULD BE MORE EGREGIOUS AND FLAGRANT TO A TRUE CUB FAN. WE MAY END UP IN BERNIE’S - OR ROUGH IT AT TUSCANY’S. SAM I’LL HAVE A LEINE’S SUMMER SHANDY IF THEY STILL HAVE SOME ON TAP. THIS NORTH OF THE BORDER THEME REALLY WORKS IN NORTH CHICAGO. JOSH YES - IT’S A GREAT BUSINESS MODEL. VERY SIMPLE - USING ZUERCHER CHEESE FROM SKOKIE AND GREEN COUNTY WISCONSIN - ALONG WITH SOME OF THE BEERS UP THERE IN NEW GLARUS AND CHIPPEWA FALLS. BRATS FROM SHEBOYGAN. YOU CAN’T BEAT IT - AND AMAZINGLY THESE BORDER PEOPLE FROM WISCONSIN TRAVEL DOWN HERE FOR A GAME OR THEATER AND STOP IN HERE TO EAT AND DRINK THIS FOOD THEY HAVE EVERYDAY UP THERE. DR. HANSON ALL THESE PEOPLE FROM THE NORTH WOODS CANNOT STAY AWAY FROM THIS BEER AND CHEESE - EVEN FOR A DAY OR SO. JOSH SO DR. HANSON, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE SOX RELIEVERS?
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DR. HANSON VEAL, CRAIN, MYERS AND THORNTON BASICALLY ARE NOT FLASHY, BUT TRULY GET THE TOUGH JOB DONE. THESE GUYS FLAT OUT GET OUTS. MOST TEAMS PERFORM POORLY VS THE SOX ESPECIALLY AT HOME. KERI WOW, THAT ZUERCHER SWISS CHEESE IS UNBELIEVABLE. I’LL HAVE ANOTHER COUPLE OF SLICES. I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE WEIGHT - I’M PREGNANT. GLENDA THE CUBS TRULY ARE IN A MAJOR TAILSPIN AT WRIGLEY AND ON THE ROAD. BEHIND THE SCENES - WHAT IS THE TALK ABOUT NEXT YEAR WITH THE CUBS? WHAT’S GOING ON WITH MANAGEMENT, COACHING, PLAYERS, TRADES OR EVEN BURNING WRIGLEY FIELD? JOSH IT’S SO DIFFERENT THIS YEAR. REED JOHNSON IS THE ONLY GUY WHO IS HITTING CONSISTENTLY. AND HE CAN REALLY HIT. MOST OF THESE CUBS ARE FIGHTING FOR SPRING TRAINING SPOTS RIGHT NOW. CUB PITCHERS ARE SO SO. SAMARDZIJA WAS GIVEN HIS CHANCE THIS YEAR, AND HAS AN ERA OF 4, BUT HAS ONLY WON 1/3 OF HIS GAMES. DEMPSTER’S GONE. THERE WILL BE SOME OFF SEASON CHANGES - MAJOR OVERHAUL. SVEUM WANTS TO WIN EVERY GAME LIKE IT’S A PLAYOFF. I STILL LIKE HIM, BUT DON’T KNOW IF HE’LL LAST. KERI HEY LOOK - THERE IS WILL AND ELLIOTT. I’M SO EXCITED TO SEE THOSE GUYS. AND ISN’T THAT DR. CLAY RANKIN AND WIFE JUDE OVER THERE ALSO? HEY JOIN IN THE CUB VS SOX CONVERSATION. GLENDA KERI, I’M SORRY TO BE SUCH A BITCH - I MEAN IT’S ONLY BASEBALL. MOST OF YOUR CUB TEAM BARELY HITS 250. IT’S ALMOST LIKE PONY LEAGUE AT WRIGLEY. RICKETTS JUST NEEDS TO 13
MAKE SOME TRADES. IT’S THAT SIMPLE. SORIANO HAS BEEN A HEAD CASE FROM DAY ONE – NEVER LIVED UP TO HIS TRUE POTENTIAL. KERI YES, I’M SORRY TOO. NOW WE’VE HAD A CAT FIGHT, WE’LL PROBABLY BE GOOD FRIENDS - AND JUST TALK BASEBALL. WHY DON’T YOU ALL COME UP FOR THE BEARS OPENER TO OUR HOUSE IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO THE GAME. CUTLER TO MARSHALL ALL THE WAY FOR SIX – I CAN SEE IT NOW! GLENDA I’D LOVE IT. ARE YOU OK KERI? MELANIE SPEAKING AS A NURSE, YOU DON’T LOOK GOOD KERI. WHAT IS HAPPENING? SAM DR. HANSON COME HERE QUICK! KERI IS PASSING OUT - TRUE SYNCOPE. OH MY GOD - LOOK AT ALL THE BLOOD AND WATER ON THE FLOOR. WE NEED AN AMBULANCE NOW - CALL 911. GLENDA DR. HANSON, THERE ISN’T TIME. THERE IS A BABY’S RUMP BETWEEN HER LEGS. WE NEED TO DELIVER HER NOW. THERE ISN’T TIME FOR ANYTHING ELSE. MELANIE WOW - KERI YOU ARE BREECH - DID YOU KNOW THAT? KERI NO, I’M NORMAL - VERTEX - SOMETHING JUST HAPPENED. I NEED TO DELIVER NOW. I CAN’T MAKE IT TO THE HOSPITAL. I’M PUSHING BIG TIME! SAM I’M SCRUBBING IN AT WEAGHMAN’S PARK SINK. SO ARE YOU DR. HANSON. HERE’S SOME TOWELS THERE ARE NO GLOVES HERE. LET’S GO. PUT KERI ON THE TABLE AND CLEAR ALL THE PATRONS TO THE BACK.
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KERI I CAN’T STOP SCREAMING. THIS REALLY HURTS - I MEAN HURTS - PLEASE DELIVER ME YOU DOCS. I MEAN NOW! DR. HANSON IT’S A FOOTLING BREACH. I’VE GOT THE OTHER FOOT AND AM BRINGING IT DOWN THE BIRTH CANAL. THERE WE GO – KEEP PUSHING. ONE BIG PUSH AND WE’VE GOT A BABY. KERI SOX SUCK - THAT’S ALL I CAN SAY RIGHT NOW SORRY EVERYONE. I’M PUSHING BABY OUT WHILE I PASS OUT. SAM WE’VE DELIVERED JOSH JUNIOR. CONGRATULATIONS JOSH. IT’S ANOTHER BOY. LOOK’S LIKE A WIDE OUT TO ME. OH MY GOD KERI IS SEIZING! DR. HANSON START CPR. THE AMBULANCE IS HERE. I’LL GET A LARGE BORE IV AND GIVE HER SOME EPINEPHRINE. I’LL PUT IN THE IV INTO HER FORELEG BONE – INTEROSSEOUS - IF SHE HAS NO VEIN ACCESS. MELANIE IT’S WORKING - WE’VE GOT A PULSE BACK. INTUBATE HER SAM SO SHE DOESN’T ASPIRATE ALL THIS ZUERCHER CHEESE. GOOD. LET’S GET HER TO THE NEAREST FACILITY. SHE’S LOOKING BETTER. IF HER BP RETURNS GIVE HER 2 GRAMS OF MAGNESIUM. JOSH I’LL CLIMB INTO THE AMBULANCE. THANK GOD YOU ALL WERE HERE. IT LOOKS LIKE SHE’LL LIVE AND THE BABY IS CRYING. AM I LUCKY OR WHAT MY FAMILY SAVED BY SOX FANS!
THE END — COLD ROOMS XIV
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