The ebooooook

Breaking Free a no-nonsense guide to crushing negativity and living life on your terms

STEPHANIE PODGOR

Hi there! I'm Stephanie, and I am a personal growth and development addict! Over the last five years, I have become obsessed with living a life that’s full of joy, love, peace, fun and passion. At one point, not too long ago, I was battling with depression and felt “stuck” in life. I would wake up feeling low or sad, unmotivated, and dissatisfied with many aspects of my life. Have you ever felt that way? If you have, I can assure you there is hope! As far as I know we only get one chance at this beautiful adventure called life, and the last thing I want is to leave this world full of regret. I know you don’t want that either! It has become my passion to help people just like you start living the life they deserve, that’s why I created this book! Today is the first day of the rest of your life, so let’s get started!!

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There is one thing I know about you for certain. If you are reading this book, whoever you are or wherever you are…you crave something MORE out of life.

MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE

PEACE. JOY. TIME. FREEDOM. LOVE.

You feel certain that there must be more to life than you are experiencing right now. Not that you are “unhappy” with your life per se, but you have a healthy sense of “dissatisfaction” with certain things (or many things) you are experiencing.

Am I right?

And I want to be the first to tell you that’s OK! Feeling like you want something more for your life does not mean you aren’t grateful for what you have now. Too many people confuse the desire for more with being ungrateful for what you have, and that is simply NOT the case! We are growing, changing, emotional, complex human beings; we are WIRED to keep striving for more and better. To ignore this desire is what causes us to feel discontented with our lives but we can’t seem to put our finger on why.

I mean, isn’t it INCREDIBLY frustrating to wake up in a “blah” mood and you don’t even know why? Have you ever trudged through a Tuesday knowing the ONLY thing getting you through the day is fantasizing about guzzling a big ol’ glass of wine (or beer) and falling into your comfy bed at the end of the day??

YEAH. That’s really frustrating!

However most of us do walk around like this because if we took the time to actually turn our brains ON and think about how many beautiful dreams, goals, and aspirations we are shoving deep below the muck of life’s “shoulds” and “have-tos”, we would REALLY be depressed! Who wants to feel that way? I’m going to go ahead and venture a guess that NO ONE actually wants to be depressed. Especially not you! More often than not, however, it is WAY “easier” for people to walk around numb. It is “easier” to be detached from the beauty and depth of our dreams than to acknowledge them and feel too stuck to change our situation.

We are made for so much more than that.

YOU are made for so much more than that.

That is what this book is about. This book is about taking you off the anesthetic and plugging you back into the REAL you. The you that is joyful, excited about life, passionate, romantic, brave, light-hearted, fun, peaceful, free, energized, healthy, vibrant, intelligent, and all around bad ass! This book is your WAKE UP CALL. I am here to push you to try things you’ve never tried, do things you’ve never done, and say things you’ve never said. Truth be told there might be some moments you feel a little strange doing some of the exercises I’ve provided for you. But if you continue to do what you’ve always done you’ll continue to get what you’ve always gotten, right? Of course right! I may not be the brightest crayon in the box but I do know if you don’t change anything about what you’re doing in life your life will NEVER change. And I think for most of you reading this book that’s a pretty depressing thought.

So, here’s what I’m going to ask you to do. You ready for it?

I’m going to ask you to put your negative, nay-saying, disbelieving, Debbie Downer thoughts and beliefs aside while you read this book and complete these exercises WITH AN OPEN MIND.

Can you do that for me?

For most of you this will be way easier said than done. You’ll say to me right now, “Sure Stephanie! I want change in my life, I’ll have an open mind. No problem!” And then I’ll ask you to do something that seems “too simple” or “fluffy” and you’ll think, “C’mon girl….I ain’t got time for this nonsense! How is that going to change my life??”

But I promise if you just stick with me and TRY it, I will give you examples of how these tips, practices, and tools have changed my life, and I feel pretty confident they will change your life too!

So if you’re still with me, give me a big “Hell Yeah!”, give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back and let’s dive in!

“The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy not on Changing the Old, but on Building the New” -Socrates

Section #1

Mindset

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Yes!! You are still reading!! That means you are still with me on taking this AWESOME journey to completely changing your life! (Please excuse me for one moment while I go do the happy dance!)

So with all this change we are trying to create, where do you start? Starting is the most intimidating part of doing ANYTHING, so we are going to start with the thing that has the absolute BIGGEST impact on your WHOLE entire life…

YOUR MINDSET. Have you ever heard the phrase “What you think about you bring about”? Corny as it may sound, it’s true!

Thoughts become words, words become actions, and actions become your reality. Therefore, your THOUGHTS CREATE YOUR REALITY!

Now you may not realize you even *have* a mindset because so many of us float around on auto-pilot every day, but you do.

The amount of money you make...

The friends you have...

The job you have...

The amount of free time you have...

How healthy and fit you are...

How happy and peaceful you are...

ALL have to do with your mindset.

Your mindset is very closely related to, if not the same thing as, your beliefs.

Beliefs are incredibly powerful because most of them have been ingrained in us since birth. Beliefs such as: “Money is hard to come by” “You have to work hard at a traditional job to get nice benefits and a pension” “Spending too much time taking care of yourself is selfish and vain” “Life sucks and then you die” and “There’s never enough time in the day” are all beliefs you may have actually heard someone say, or maybe they were implied; but the message is still the same. They still got into the core of your subconscious mind whether you meant for them to or not. And so, without much examination (because we honestly don’t even realize it is happening) we begin to live our lives in this way.

We are always rushing because we believe time is scarce.

You may have actually heard someone say these phrases out loud, or maybe they were implied, but the message is still the same. They still got into the core of your subconscious mind whether you meant for them to or not. And so, without much examination (because we honestly don’t even realize it is happening) we begin to live our lives in this way.

We are always rushing because we believe time is scarce. We stay in jobs we hate because there is no other “real way” to make money. We neglect our bodies because we need to get more done and take care of others so we choose the “drive thru” and say “screw it” to the gym. We keep friends around that don’t make us feel good because “they’ve always been there” and it’s “rude” to cut people out of your life.

We WILLINGLY accept a million UNACCEPTABLE things because “shit happens, life’s a bitch and then you die”…right?

Well yeah…if you believe that stuff (consciously or unconsciously) it IS right.

Your life WILL suck and then you will die.

Ouch.

But what if you BELIEVED life is beautiful; could it be beautiful for you?

But what if you BELIEVED life is beautiful; could it be beautiful for you?

What if you BELIEVED you DIDN’T have to stay in some lame-ass job making just enough to pay your bills and decided to go make an ABUNDANCE of money at your passion; could you do it?

What if you BELIEVED your body is the only place you have to live and it is this extraordinary, miraculous, amazingly magical living and breathing thing that deserves all the attention and care you can give it, would you treat it right?

YES!!! YES YES YES to ALL of the above!!!

You CAN be out-of-this-world happy while making plenty of money at your passion and surrounding yourself with those that lift you up while taking care of your healthy, energetic, kick-ass body and appreciating that your one MAGNIFICENT lifetime on this planet is BEAUTIFUL and AWESOME and OUT OF THIS WORLD INCREDIBLE!!!

Orrrrr you can believe life sucks and then you die.

Me personally? I choose the former.

And I think you do too!

Just in case you still don’t believe me about the IMMENSE power of your mindset, I’d love to give you a real-life example.

There was a study done by Australian Psychologist Alan Richardson regarding mindset and free throw shooting accuracy.

The study wanted to see how effective mindset/visualization was in improving someone’s ability to shoot free throws.

The study consisted of three groups. One group that physically practiced shooting free throws, one group that visualized shooting free throws (no physical practice), and one group (the control) who did nothing to improve their free throw accuracy. They measured how many free throws they could make out of 20, and then measured again after their (physical or mental) practice.

His amazing discovery was that both the physical and mental practice groups had significant improvement AND that the mental practice group improved almost just as much as the physical practice group!! Using JUST the power of the mind and visualization people were able to significantly increase their skills in a PHYSICAL area! Why do you think baseball players swing their bat at an imaginary pitch and visualize the ball sailing over the fence? Why do golfers take practice swings and try to imagine the ball sinking into the hole?

Because once the mind has DECIDED something is going to happen, the body (and the world around you) tend to follow suit!

So the million-dollar question is HOW do we change our mindset? HOW do we change our beliefs? Well, the first step is figuring out exactly what your beliefs are, and I am going to ask you some questions to help you uncover them.

I’ve included space throughout this book for you to answer these questions so you can keep all of your answers/thoughts/discoveries in one place and you can refer to it often.

Let's get STARTED!

So now it’s time to start with the dirty work! As we go through these exercises, please remember to answer these questions according to how your life is NOW, not how you want it to be. For example, it can be really easy to say “I believe I should be surrounded by supportive friends and family who believe in my dreams and lift me up.” Of course you WANT to believe that! Who wouldn’t?? But you need to look at the people you interact with regularly right now and really THINK about it. Are they glass half empty or glass half full types? Do they like to talk about dreams and ideas or do they prefer to gossip about others? Are they willing to workout with you or are they only interested in getting drunk every weekend? Really ponder WHO they are right now, HOW they make you feel, and your belief will become clear.

If you truly believe you deserve to have positive and uplifting people in your life, when you examine your relationships you will discover you are surrounded by those types of people. If you find you are surrounded by negative, energy-sucking vampires then you believe you are not worthy of being around positive people. My wording may be a little dramatic, but you get the point, right? It may be a tough realization, but it’s true. Also remember that just because someone doesn’t spend their life trying to reach their highest potential doesn’t mean they are a bad person. I’m not saying that. We are not here to judge people. Most people don’t even realize they are being negative (because again, auto-pilot!) So please respond to the journaling sections of this book as HONESTLY as possible so we can figure out what beliefs we need to change! (And maybe kindly introduce your Negative Nancy friends to this book?) Remember that recognition of these underlying beliefs is the first essential step to changing them!

Remember that recognition of these underlying beliefs is the first essential step to changing them!

After each topic I have included sample questions to trigger thoughts in you and get your wheels turning, but please don’t stop there! Write about whatever comes up for you and expand on it fully!

MONEY

JOB & CAREER

What are your beliefs and/or what have people told you about money? Is it easy or hard to come by? Is money scarce or abundant? Do you need to pinch every penny or can you let money flow freely? How much money do you have right now? Do you make enough money to support the lifestyle you desire? When you think about people with a lot of money do you feel positively or negatively towards them?

What are your beliefs around your job or career path? Can you follow your dreams or do you need to do something “sensible”? Do you need to be “safe” or can you take chances? Do you currently enjoy your job-meaning, even if no one paid you would you do it for free? Do you feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment at your job? How did you get into your job- did you fall into it or did you choose it?

PEOPLE

TI ME

What are your beliefs about the people closest to you and how they treat you? Do they treat you with love and care or are you willing to accept mediocre treatment? Do the people around you support you and lift you up? Are they negative or do they look at the bright side? When they text or call you do you tense up (and maybe press “ignore�) or do you happily answer? List some specific examples.

What are your beliefs about time and how you spend it?

Do you believe there is plenty of time to do the things you need/want to do or do you always feel rushed and behind? Is your calendar full of things you are looking forward to or obligations? Do you ever take time to slow down? Do you feel like you control your schedule or your schedule controls you?

HEALTH

fantastic!!

Now that you are done determining what your actual beliefs are (whether you are happy with them or not) we can work on creating NEW and BETTER beliefs that help you create the ridiculously AMAZING life you’ve always wanted (and deserved!)

What are your beliefs about health and how you should treat your body? Do you exercise regularly?

How much water do you consume on a daily basis? Are natural, unprocessed whole foods a part of your diet? What are the main types of foods in your diet?

Do you feel energized or lethargic most of the time?

Do you take time to get outside? How often? How much sleep do you get? How much do you value/how much “downtime” do you get in a week? Does taking time for yourself feel good or do you feel guilty?

So how do you change your mindset and your beliefs? This is something I have been studying for at least the last five years. It is something that has fascinated me because I have always known there was something powerful inside of me I was not allowing to fully surface. I would see glimmers of this power when I stepped up as the Vice President of the 3rd largest student organization at my college, or when I ROCKED it on stage in a musical, or when I would have a heart to heart conversation with someone and help them break through something that was holding them back.

In those moments I felt ALIVE. In those moments I could feel the energy literally COURSING through me and I felt like I could take on the world!! But sometimes in the very next moment, negative voices and beliefs would creep in, I would tell myself I wasn’t worthy or I couldn’t actually do it, and I would shrink down.

Once I realized there were moments that I would live up to my fullest potential, but that they were only *moments* and it wasn’t how I was living my daily life, I decided to figure out HOW to make living with such power, energy, love, and excitement my DAILY LIFE. One of the first things I am going to recommend to you is MINDFULNESS. Until I started going to therapy (yes, I am a BIG believer in 1-1 therapy!) and started reading books on the topic, I didn’t really know what it was or how to do it.

The simple definition of mindfulness is “the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.” Most people (myself included!) are rarely ever mindful because we have a constant ticker-tape of thoughts parading through our heads (much like the banner you see at the bottom of your screen on CNN.) We don’t realize how much we are THINKING and not actually AWARE of what’s going on around us.

A perfect example of this is driving in your car. How many times have you been driving somewhere and been so lost in thought that you have no idea how you ended up at your destination? I mean, of course you know, you drove there, but you don’t really remember the drive. That’s happened to me more times than I can count! In those moments you are not being “mindful”; meaning you are not conscious or aware of what’s happening around you or even sometimes what you are physically doing.

The driving example is a perfect example of how we can physically do something without being mindful of it. But did you also know you can be thinking thoughts and not even KNOW you are thinking them?! Whaaaaaa?!

That’s cray cray! But it happens all the time.

Let me give you an example. I am someone who has always been incredibly self conscious about my weight. I pick out my clothes very carefully so no “fat rolls” show and I am constantly adjusting. I was at a church service by myself a while back, and without “mindfully” thinking about it I quickly glanced left and right down the pew and made sure to pull my shirt out of my belly fat roll thinking “I hope no one can see that.” For some reason in that moment, the action of pulling my shirt away from my belly and thinking a selfconscious thought HIT me! I stopped in my tracks and said (silently) to myself, “What the HELL was THAT thought about, HOW did it get there, and WHY ON EARTH am I thinking anyone sitting in this church is thinking about MY BELLY FAT instead of the sermon?!?!?”

THE CRAZY THING WAS, THAT THOUGHT WAS TRYING TO SUBCONSCIOUSLY SNEAK THROUGH MY HEAD UNNOTICED! UNTIL I STOPPED MYSELF AND BECAME PAINFULLY CONSCIOUS OF IT, I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT WAS THERE!

My point is, as insane as it may sound, we are thinking thoughts about ourselves all the time and we don’t even know we are doing it. Some are subconscious, some creep to the surface, and some are like a lightning strike and stop us in our tracks. But whatever the source of these thoughts we are ALWAYS acting on them.

So how do you become mindful? Let me give you a few quick tips you can start implementing right away!

1- Become aware of your breath.

Breathing is something we do without thinking (thank goodness, right?) so it is a very powerful thing to become conscious of. Close your eyes, put your hand on your chest (or belly-wherever you are breathing most deeply) and try to think of nothing but the air coming in through your nose and out through your mouth. Try to do this for 30 seconds, then a minute, then 5, then as long as you can! You will find focusing on your breath instantly brings you calm and forces you to be in the present moment. This might be pretty difficult at first (it was for me) but with practice you can greatly improve!

2-Become more aware of your unconscious & subconscious thoughts.

If they are subconscious, how do you do that? The first clue is usually by tuning into your emotions. If you suddenly feel low, “blue”, uncomfortable, sad, nervous, or any other negative feeling, there are probably thoughts associated with that feeling you are not aware of. Let's revisit my “belly fat in church” example. A subconscious thought suddenly made me feel uncomfortable but instead of ignoring the feeling I said “Whoa!

What was that??” and actually became aware of and examined the thought. So the first way to clue into that constant ticker-tape of thoughts is by recognizing a sudden change in emotion.

The second way is through an unconscious action. Going back to my church example again, the action was me “pulling my shirt out of my belly rolls.” The subconscious thought associated with that was “You are fat and you need to cover this disgusting body up!”

Sounds harsh, but it’s true. So the next time you move in a certain way or do something physical that makes you feel an emotion, try to stop for a second and figure out what the emotion is and what thought may be causing that emotion.

3- Become EXCEPTIONALLY aware of your surroundings.

This, to me, is the most fun way to become mindful. I particularly like to do this when I am outside on a beautiful day. It will suddenly occur to me I am rushing about my day not being mindful (this takes practice) and I will tell myself to stop thinking about whatever I am thinking about and notice what is going on around me. My thoughts will then become completely focused on what is in my immediate area; the bright green leaves on the trees, the soft grass under my feet, the sound of the cars whooshing by on the street, the smell of the air, the temperature...EVERYTHING around me. I am not judging anything I am observing or attaching any kind of emotion to these thoughts, I am just noticing. I am being present in the moment.

4- Become aware of your body.

Stop everything you are doing and become aware of your body. This not only includes your breath, but start at the top of your head, and slowly ponder each section of your body as you work your way down to your toes and ask yourself, “How does this feel?” For example, how does the top of your head feel? Is it warm? Do you have an itch? What about your mouth? Are you clenching your teeth and you don’t even know it or is your mouth relaxed? What about your shoulders? Are you squeezing them up tight close to your ears, or are they in a relaxed position? Are you hungry? Are your feet sore after a long day? Remember, this exercise is not so much about doing or changing anything that’s going on, it’s about learning to notice and become aware of what is going on.

At some point today, I want you to practice at least one of these mindfulness techniques. You can do it in bed when you first wake up, at your desk at work, sitting on the couch watching TV, in the car or on the train on your commute, literally anywhere! Choose a technique and for at least one minute BE PRESENT. Below, I want you to write down which technique you used, how you felt before, how you felt after, how difficult or easy it was, and anything else you noticed about the exercise.

MINDFULNESS

Congratulations! You are now mastering the first step to changing your mindset and beliefs, mindfulness!! :) You didn’t think I was only going to give you one tip on how to change your mindset did you? Of course not! I want you to have a whole bag full o’ tricks baby!! Now for some of you this next tip may make your eyes roll, but pretty pleeeeeeaaaaase stay with me on this one and don’t knock it til you’ve tried it, m’kay??

MEDITATION Yes...I did just recommend you meditate. No...I’m not kidding.

If you are one of the “eye rollers” in the crowd, let me set your mind at ease a little.

Meditation is not (or does not have to be) sitting cross-legged on a fluffy pillow surrounded by plants and waterfalls while wearing a white robe and endlessly repeating “Ohhhmmm”...unless you want it to be like that!

Meditation can be as simple as sitting in silence for a minute or two and checking in with your body and breath. It can actually be very similar to being mindful! However, the type of meditation I am going to recommend is just slightly more in depth than that.

The type of meditation I enjoy most is “Guided Meditation.” To find guided meditations I usually search YouTube or find meditation apps in the app store. During a guided audio the speaker helps you to get into a relaxed state and basically tells you how kick-ass you are, how many things you have to be grateful for in your life and, and how much your future is going to rock! It’s pretty much the best thing ever!

The reason I love guided meditation is because my brain is like an 8 lane super highway with cars trying to cut each other off non-stop during a never ending flow of rush-hour traffic. More simply stated; it is REALLY hard for me to shut my brain off and calm down! I’m not yet at the place in my life where I can just sit and be silent. My thoughts start running away from me and before I know it I’m planning my mile-long to-do list instead of getting zen. You are nodding your head right along with me while reading this, aren’t you? See? Told you I know you!

1

So how do you get started meditating?

Search different types of meditation on YouTube that might appeal to you; such as “Relaxation Meditation”, “Healthy Living Meditation”, “Wealth Meditation”, “Inner Peace Meditation” or anything else that sparks your interest! You might have to listen to the first minute of a few to find ones you like, but hang in there and I promise you will find some that resonate with you! For example, I love meditations that have calming music in the background as well as talking; not just talking. Find someone who has a voice that appeals to you, music that relaxes you, and fits the time you allotted to meditate that day.

You can also download a mediation app. Many apps are free and/or include a series of free meditations (and you have the option to pay to access more later on.) Some apps you can look into are “Headspace”, “Oprah & Deepak 21-Day Meditation Experience”, ‘Calm’, “Take A Break” and “Relax Melodies”, among others.

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Know that initially you will suck at meditation (most likely), especially if it is something you have never tried before! DO NOT get discouraged! Meditation is like learning to ride a bike. It feels super awkward at first, but as you keep getting on that bike you will become more skilled, confident, and eventually be riding hands-free!

If you can, try to meditate *first thing* in the morning as soon as you wake up. I recommend this because many of us start our day with dread, stress, or anxiety. Most of us are not very happy to be awake, we are sleep deprived, and we hit the snooze button faster than you can think “Can I call in sick today??” By replacing your “snooze” routine with 5-20 minutes of meditation, you are allowing yourself the joy of continuing to lay in your comfy bed while filling your brain with positive thoughts and emotions. Truly, even 5 minutes can be very effective in putting a pleasant and peaceful spin on your day.

However, if you just CAN’T wake up 5-10 minutes earlier (although I know you’re too good for silly excuses like that) make it the last thing you do before bed. Going to bed with positive and calming thoughts is also very powerful, and hopefully the meditation messages will easily slip into your subconscious mind while you sleep.

4

Try to meditate nearly EVERY DAY (no less than 5 times per week) for at least a month. Just like a new diet and exercise routine, you may feel calmer in the minutes you are meditating but you may not feel/see “lasting results” right away. You need to give your body and mind time to start to feel the effects. If you find a guided meditation you really enjoy (I need to give a shout out to my favorite mediation on YouTube thus far titled, “Powerful Abundance Meditation Manifest Your Dreams! by the channel “Live the Life You Love”) try to do that same meditation every time you meditate for the first month. As you become more familiar with it you will feel more relaxed and the messages should start to fully sink in.

At the time of release of this book, I have only been meditating semiregularly for about a year. Even with my spotty level of commitment, it has been life-changing! I listen to guided meditations that specifically tackle the negative beliefs I am looking to change, such as my sense of worthiness, ability to attract and generate income, body-image, confidence, and anxiety.

Remember, we are working on changing your limiting beliefs about yourself, so choosing meditations that address those areas is key!

JOURNALING So what are some of the main “problem areas” of your life you would like to start working on? List them below:

What are some key words you will search on YouTube to find mediations that fit you?

What are some meditation apps you are interested in trying?

After your first meditation experience, write down your thoughts and feelings here.

After your first week of meditating write down your thoughts and feelings here.

What has changed? What are you struggling with?

After your first month of meditating, how is your life different? Do you notice any significant changes in your confidence? Health? Stress-level? Happiness?

Relationships? Attitude?

My next tip on permanently changing your mindset and beliefs is‌

Therapy!

I think I just heard someone audibly groan….was that you?

I know. I know. By now you are saying, “Stephanie-- you want me to TURN OFF my thoughts and live in the moment, you want me to get all Zen and meditate, and now you want me to see a SHRINK?!?” Yes, you life-changing, goal-getting, happiness seeking bad ass, you! I do! :) I’m not going to lie, seeing a therapist is probably one of the most bitchin’ things I have ever done for myself! It is a WHOLE HOUR at least once a week where I get to be completely selfcentered and don’t have to feel guilty about it!! Imagine having someone who just has to sit there and empathetically listen to all of your joys, sorrows, questionable choices, confusing relationships, exciting experiences, silly complaints, and more! You get to talk about whatever your happy little heart desires! And honestly, your therapist will not be judging you because I PROMISE you they have heard worse than whatever crazy story you are about to throw at them! Plus they are legally obligated to follow client confidentiality laws so stop worrying that someone will “find out” your secrets. They won’t!

You might be thinking that you don’t need a therapist because, you know, nothing is “wrong” right now. But let me ask you a few questions first to see if it’s something you should at least *think* about: Have you ever had a conflict with a close friend or family member that has remained unresolved, or is still a “sore spot” for you?

Do you ever wake up and just feel “blah” throughout the day?

Have you experienced difficult situations with co-workers you don’t know how to approach?

Are you exactly where you want to be physically, financially, and spiritually?

Have you felt or do you feel confused about your path and/or purpose in life?

Are you in a committed relationship that could use a little improving?

If you answered “Yes” to any one of these questions, therapy is something you should at least be thinking about. I really do believe that EVERYONE should go to therapy, at a minimum during a few “seasons” of their life. Why do I believe this? Because you are a wonderful, emotional, complex human being that is not capable of looking at every situation with 20/20 vision because you are *too close* to see it objectively. It is not possible to take your emotion out of every thought and decision because we can’t help but feel emotions. They are what drive us!

I consider myself to be a pretty level headed person and solid communicator, and yet I have had so many astounding revelations it makes my head spin! In therapy I learned that I struggle with food addiction, I struggle with deep-rooted feelings of unworthiness, I’ve learned how to deal with an anxiety attack, how to deal with “all or nothing” thinking (which has repeatedly de-railed my progress in many areas of life), and so much more. And this is coming from someone who has overall had a pretty stable life!

So yes, I do believe YOU (and everyone you know) should go to therapy and I am going to give you a couple quick tips on how to make it a positive experience.

1- Shop around a little bit. Look online for therapists near you and check out their bios/specialties/methods of therapy. If they sound like a good fit, go ahead and check them out in person! Many therapists understand that finding the right therapist is like finding the right husband or wife; the commitment will hopefully be long-term so it needs to feel good for both of you! Because of this they are usually likely to offer the first session for free.

2- If your therapist doesn’t feel like a good fit (meaning you don’t feel comfortable pretty quickly), do not hesitate to keep shopping! I saw a therapist for 8 months that was not the right fit because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings by telling her I just wasn’t that into her…(thus one of the reasons I need therapy- people pleasing!) Honestly though, that is pretty ridiculous. You should never feel as though you are taking care of your therapist, only that they are taking care of you.

3- If you have people in your life you feel would judge you or make you feel small for going to therapy, you don’t have to tell them! I’m not saying that you should be dishonest or not live your truth, but sometimes it’s best not to let the Negative Nancies in on all the inner-workings of our lives. And then you can talk about them in therapy! ;) 4- Know that just because you are seeing a therapist, does NOT mean anything is “wrong with you”! That is one of the most frustrating stigmas I have come across when it comes to personal growth and development.

Working to better yourself, talking out your problems, and taking action does NOT mean that something is “wrong”; it just means you are aware you are not perfect and there are areas of your life you would like to improve!

Anyone who believes they have all the answers and there is no room for growth in their life is destined for failure. Harsh, but true. So don’t be one of those people! Accept that you DON’T have all the answers and just go and get them! I can almost guarantee you will be glad you did. :)

The final tools I am going to add to your toolbox for changing your mindset are two tools that easily go together. In my opinion they are the easiest and most fun strategies you can use starting right this very second!

These tools are practicing Affirmations and Gratitude.

Let’s start by defining affirmations. Affirmations refer primarily to the practice of positive thinking and selfempowerment— this is usually demonstrated by writing down things in a journal such as “I am worthy of love” or “I am healthy, vibrant, and energetic” or “I am peaceful and happy.” Affirmations are things you want to feel and experience right now, so you start to bring these things into fruition by telling them to yourself in the present tense as if it is already happening. So instead of saying “I want to stop struggling financially”, which is actually focusing on what you DON’T want (money woes), you would say something like “I am open and ready to receive and abundance of money. I am financially free.” By repeating things like this over and over, you eventually start to “trick” your brain into believing it is true!

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If you are having trouble thinking of affirmations (or the examples I gave don’t jive with you), you can always look up examples of positive affirmations online and find ones you like. Simply google the term “affirmations” and more examples will come up than you even have time to sort through today! You can also search for positive affirmations on YouTube, listen to an audio/watch a video, and jot down the ones you like.

When practicing affirmations, there are three main ways to make them “stick” and start to become beliefs. First, you can simply listen to affirmations or think of affirmations and “say” them in your mind. Second you can listen to them, say them in your mind and out loud. Third, you can listen to them, say them in your mind, say them out loud, and WRITE THEM DOWN. Remember why your 7th grade teacher absolutely demanded that you take notes from the board and then re-read them at home? It wasn’t because she wanted to make you t miserable (ok, maybe she did…), it was because she wanted the information to STICK.

JOURNALING f we truly tell ourselves something long enough, we will eventually believe it is true.

So what is is you want to believe about yourself? If your life was ideal right now, how would you describe it? Take the time to write down your affirmations here, whether they are ones you came up with yourself or powerful affirmations you found online. Then, say them in your head or out loud while reading them. Describe your experience below.

Was it easy or difficult to come up with or find affirmations you liked?

Why? How did it feel to say them (in your head or out loud)?

We have now come to the last tool in your tool box that will DRASTICALLY help change your mindset: GRATITUDE I don't know if I can stress how deeply important an ‘attitude of gratitude’ is...but I will try!

Simply changing your mindset from one of frustration and lack, to one of openness, acceptance, and gratitude change how you feel in an instant! If you continue to consciously *choose* gratitude throughout your day, you can transform what would be a lackluster day into a day of beautiful moments! With gratitude you can transform relationships, your health, your workplace, your financial situation….literally every aspect of your life!

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Let me give you a very personal example of how an ‘attitude of gratitude’ actually saved my marriage!

At the time I'm writing this book, I am about to celebrate my 4 year wedding anniversary. It may not sound like a very long time, but my husband and I met in High School and became friends at the age of 15, dated immediately after graduating for about a year, broke up for about 2.5 years (we both had some growing and learning to do), started dating again when I was 21. Then we moved in together when I was 23, got engaged when I was 25, and we've been married since 2012!

Now, in case you have not yet been married (or maybe you don't ever plan to get married and that's totally cool too, just stick with me on the example here), let me inform you of some wise words (that for some reason *no one* decided to share with me while I was engaged.) Those wise words were: ‘the first year of marriage is the hardest.’ I wouldn't be sharing this somewhat glass-half-empty perspective with you unless it was not only the case for me, but nearly every other married couple I have talked to! None of us marrieds are exactly sure why the first year is usually the hardest...maybe it's because of the ‘officiality’ and ‘permanence’ of it all, maybe it's familial pressure, or maybe it's just knowing that for the rest of your life it's not 100% all-about-you anymore. Regardless of the reason, most couples tend to go through some rocky times in their first year.

So in addition to a tough first year being a ‘thing’ people go through no matter what their circumstances, my husband and I had a few extra challenges thrown at us that year. I had quit my job two weeks before the wedding to be a full time entrepreneur and jewelry business owner, and my husband had a big career change as well. We moved out of our apartment and into the back room at his parents’ house for three months with a sliding door that didn't lock, three younger siblings still living there, 3 cats, a dog, and a partridge in a pear tree (can you say bye-bye sex life?!) I started working multiple thank-less part-time jobs because my entrepreneurial dream wasn't working out, and we had to completely re-do our current apartment on a tiny budget before being able to move in while we were trying to balance everything else in life.

Yikes! We were tired. Over-worked.

Under-stimulated. And not connecting.

It got to the point where we were griping at each other SO much that I was considering staying at my mom’s house for a few days just so we could get out of each other's hair!

Luckily I was honest with him about how I was feeling and he confided in me that (even though his job had no possibility for travel or road trips) he was hoping some out-of-theblue business trip would pop up just so he could get away from me for a few days. Ouch. And this was after only about 8 months of marriage.

Although it was very difficult to hear how much he wanted to be away from me because we were fighting so much, I was so glad that we were on the same page about how bad things were getting! We also realized we wanted the same exact thing: to STOP fighting! However, in that moment the only thing our overwhelmed brains could think of was ‘I need to get away for a little while’ rather than ‘how can we improve this situation together’?

Now I don't want to take all the credit for turning things around during that tumultuous time, but I will allow myself to take credit for the idea. Because of the research I had been doing for a year or so about happiness, goal-setting, and mindset, I said, ‘Babe, I know this is out of your comfort zone, but I have been researching, and I really do believe that gratitude can change everything about your life. I'm going to write down 5 things every morning I am grateful for about you, and I want you to write down 5 things you are grateful for about me. We don't have to share these things with each other; it can be completely private. If you'd like to share you can, but it's not necessary. I want us to do this for at least the next month.’ I don't think I'm ruining the surprise ending of the story by telling you it worked, because obviously throughout this book I have referred to this man as my husband. :) But let me tell you why it worked.

1- It worked because we made the commitment to *actually do it*.

2- It worked because when you are experiencing gratitude for something or someone it is literally IMPOSSIBLE to have negative feelings at the same time. Go ahead and try. Try to remind yourself of all the things you are grateful for about your home and also be angry at your home for not being good enough at the same time. You can't do it. Those two emotions can't live together.

For that month I completely changed what I was focusing on about my husband. Instead of zeroing in on all of the things he didn't do around the house, the times he seemed to want to watch TV more than talk to me, or told me the same stupid jokes I’d heard a million times, I focused on how often he would tell me I was beautiful, how having him around helps me feel safe, how he is a great communicator, how he is open to trying things he is uncomfortable with (obviously), how he goes above and beyond for others, and so much more. Once I chose to focus on the positive I couldn't stop! Most days I had way more than 5 things to write about how awesome my husband was!

Within TWO WEEKS, not a full month, but two weeks, our relationship did a complete 180. We were flirting again, being playful, talking more, connecting more, and truly enjoying our time together. We felt in love again and instead of looking to get away from each other we were looking for ways to get closer.

Practicing gratitude shines a light on all the beautiful things in your life, and therefore removes the darkness. I also firmly believe we will never get more of what we want unless we are grateful for what we have.

How can you have more money if you don’t even appreciate the money you have?

How can you have more energy if you focus on how tired you are? How can you have more love in your life if you don’t recognize the love that’s already there?

How can you eventually have a career you love when you are so focused on the crappy things about your current job? The answer is you can’t. The Universe (or God, whatever you feel comfortable saying) won’t allow it. If you are not grateful for what you currently have, it’s incredibly unlikely you will get more. And even if by some miracle you do, you won’t even notice, because you will continue to focus on lack.

The book that first turned me onto the idea of a daily gratitude practice was the book “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne. This book may be too fluffy or “airy fairy” to some people, but the bottom line is true; we ATTRACT and CREATE our reality. Life is not happening “to” us, we are creating our lives through what we focus on and put our energy into. If you focus on thoughts that tell you “my spouse is a lazy, emotionless, dumb, waste of space”, then how could your reality reflect anything different? Remember, “Thoughts become words, words become actions, and actions become your reality.” What you BELIEVE and FEEL to be true is true.

Plain and simple. So if you want a different reality, you need to change your thoughts; and if you want more of the sweeter things in life, you need to start feeling and expressing gratitude for those things.

So let’s go ahead and put this idea into practice right now! I want you to think of an area of your life you’d like to improve; your romantic relationship, friendships, work, your body/physical well being, your financial situation, ANYTHING that could use some improving (and it can even be a mix of these things.)

Below I want you to write down 5 things you are grateful for about this topic (or these topics.) When you write them down I want you to really feel the emotion behind your statements. Allow yourself to feel the joy and wonder of being so truly blessed as to have such incredible things happening in your life! I want you to do this every morning (and if not first thing in the morning then right before bed) for the next month. As you put this gratitude exercise into practice I want you to take note of your emotions throughout the day and any changes you see in the situations you are trying to improve.

I have included pages to print at the end of this ebook so that you can keep all of your gratitude journaling in one place. If you prefer, you can also get a journal to write in every day. Just make sure to be consistent with this practice! If you were starting a new workout regimen, would you expect to see dramatic changes in your physique from working out twice a week? Not if you are a sensible person you would not. ;) Starting a gratitude practice is very similar; you will not see changes in your life unless you express gratitude consistently.

5 THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR 1 2 3 4 5

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Now that you have finished section 1 of this book, you have 5 new practices you can immediately put into place to start changing your mindset!!

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Mindfulness Meditation Therapy Affirmations Gratitude

Although it would be completely rock star of you to put all of these methods into practice at once, #1 I do NOT want you to get overwhelmed and #2 you really don’t have to!

Practicing even one of these things consistently (there’s that pesky word again!) will completely transform your beliefs and mindset which will completely transform your life! So don’t make yourself crazy! Pick the method that seems to resonate with you most and start doing that. Then the only thing you have to do is get out-of-yourmind-excited about how kick-ass your life is about to become!

Section #2

Your Health

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So now that you are in full-swing with getting your mindset under control, the next logical thing to focus on is that beautiful collection of atoms, energy, and mass you are walking around in every day: YOUR BODY!!

Most people I know feel pretty horribly about their body, which is pretty tragic when you think about it. We only get one body...we have to live in it every single day...to spend your life hating it and mistreating it will bring you so much future pain and hardship (if it hasn’t already.) In this section of the book we are going to talk about some simple things you can start doing TODAY to transform how your body looks (if that’s a goal of yours), functions, and feels! We are going to discuss ways to move, things to consume, and other tips and tricks you can implement to start feeling energized, confident, and strong!

TIP # 1 TO CREATING A HEALTHIER AND MORE ENERGIZED BODY?

GET MOVING! Duh, right? C’mon, you knew that one was coming. ;) And no, I don’t just mean “traditional” exercise where you have spend your life pounding away on the treadmill, I mean start moving your body every day in a way that feels good to you! Now this is the hard part...finding something that feels good to you requires you to actually THINK about what types of physical activities you enjoy! Remember, just like changing your mindset, you will NOT find exercise you enjoy by saying to yourself daily, “Well I just hate working out….” Nope.

Sorry. Not gonna work. However, I will allow you to identify things you *think* you hate (because your mind may change in the future), so that you can think outside the box about what you might actually want to do.

For example, if you hate running but think you might benefit from some cardio in your life (because we all do!), what other types of cardiovascular exercise might be a good fit? Do you like to dance? Do you enjoy going for walks (or power walks)? Do you like hiking? Have you ever tried running in place, doing jumping jacks, and squats?

Does swimming appeal to you? Have you hit the bike trails recently?

There are soooooo many different types of cardio it is not an excuse to say “I don’t do cardio because I don’t like running.” Ok! Cool! I don’t really like running either!

What else can you do to get your heart pumping?

And guess what else?? You don’t have to focus on cardiovascular exercise to start feeling good; that was just an example! Do you like yoga? Pilates? Kickboxing? TaiChi? Weight lifting? Karate? Crossfit? Jazzercise? Do you like to play basketball? Tennis? Softball?

Racquetball? Hockey? Do you like to go rock climbing? Kayaking? Rowing? Obstacle course races?

If you don’t know what you like, go out and GIVE THINGS A TRY!!!

Sometimes we think we will absolutely hate a certain type of physical activity that we grow to love! But you cannot know that unless you try! With all the resources available to you today like at home workout DVDs, gyms, YouTube, training facilities, and more, there is no excuse not try anything your little heart desires! You don’t have to break the bank either!

Many gyms will offer at least a few trial days or free classes, Groupon is FILLED with discounted classes, you can visit classpass.com, and you can try activities on social sites like Meetup.com or Facebook by searching for people/groups near you that are getting together to work out!

I am a firm believer in challenging yourself, otherwise you will not grow; however I also believe that we need to find physical activities that actually bring us happiness while doing them. I don’t want fitness to be a chore for you. If it is you won’t stick with it for life. And I’m sorry to break the news to you but living a healthy life means you will have to work out in some capacity for like….forever.

Fooooreeeeevvvvveeeerrrrrrr. (Did you catch my Sandlot reference there? You need s’more? Alright, enough of that...back to the point!)

The point is: Start small.

Start with something you enjoy. Start with 5 minutes per day. Start with something that’s totally free. Start something with your BFF. I don’t care what you do, just START moving! (And if you need some help, reach out to me! One of the things I am most passionate about is helping people reach their health and fitness goals by matching them with workout programs they enjoy, top-of-the-line nutrition, and the support and accountability to stick to it!)

If you need a little more inspiration to get moving, let me paint this picture for you. Your body needs regular maintenance and care just like anything else. Let’s take your car for example. If you decide one day you are going to ditch your car in the middle of a field for a couple years, what will happen to it? Well no one will be paying any attention to it and it won’t be driving so none of the parts will get “lubed up” and the fluids in there will sit and and thicken and eventually dry up. The car will start to rust. Small creatures and bugs will move into it and call it “home.” Weeds and plants will start growing around and eventually in it. Pieces will start falling off. And pretty quickly it will become completely un-driveable.

No one *did* anything to this car to make it to make it decompose...it started to decompose because *nothing* was being done to it. Nothing being done to it, no driving, care, or maintenance, is enough to completely ruin the car. Your body is the same way.

Doing “nothing” is the same thing as doing damage.

If you don’t use your muscles they become weak and stiff from under use. As you age, simple things like kneeling down or getting out of a chair become difficult. Most people I know who use walkers and canes did not “injure” themselves into becoming partially immobile; they simply did not do anything to PREVENT themselves from becoming that way, so their body naturally “broke down.”

If you do not hydrate (the NUMBER ONE cause of fatigue and minor headaches) and consume healthy foods your body cannot and will not function properly. You will feel sick not because you are, but because your body has no nutrients to pull from to heal you. (We will talk about hydration more in depth later in this section.)

If you consume too much of the wrong things (such as excess sugar, alcohol, processed foods and chemicals), much like the car, undesirable things will begin to call your body home. Things such as cancer cells, germs, parasites, and other bad bacteria. Now I am FAR from perfect (I am writing this right after I consumed about half a frappucino that contained WAY more sugar than needed), and I know that super healthy and active people can get diseases like cancer...but do you really want to increase your chances? I wouldn’t think so! I’m not saying never have fun, never have beers with friends, or never go for the donut...I’m just saying you need to consume the good stuff MORE than you consume the bad stuff. If you don’t, the consequences can be pretty serious.

At the time I am writing this book, it is estimated 1,685,210 NEW patients will be diagnosed with some form of cancer in 2016...and that number is EXCLUDING several types of skin cancer! According to cancer.org, about 595,690 Americans are expected to die of cancer in 2016, which translates to about 1,630 people per day!!

Over 1.5 THOUSAND people PER DAY!

Listen, this book is not meant to be some soap-boxy health book about how not living healthy will cause you to die of cancer, not at all! I’m just trying to MOTIVATE you! I’m just trying to light a fire under your ass to do something good for yourself!

Some people are motivated by inspirational stories and a pat on the back, and some people are motivated by the cold, hard, unpleasant facts.

What I have learned in my time as a health and wellness coach through researching and learning about these topics, is that many cancers are in fact preventable and can even be reversed with certain health practices...and cancer isn’t even the number one killer in the U.S.! The number one killer is actually Heart Disease. For those of you who aren’t exactly sure what Heart Disease is, it is “plaque buildup (that) thickens and stiffens artery walls, which can inhibit blood flow through your arteries to your organs and tissues. is also the most common

Atherosclerosis cause of cardiovascular disease. It

can be caused by correctable problems, such as an unhealthy diet, lack of exercise, being overweight and smoking” according to mayoclinic.org.

Did you catch that? The NUMBER ONE FATAL DISEASE in the U.S. is usually caused by “CORRECTABLE PROBLEMS such as unhealthy diet, lack of exercise, being overweight and smoking”!!???!! WHAT?!?!?! (I’m about to get a little soap-boxy for a second here peeps, hold on tight!) Most people in this country would rather complain about their problems and visit their doctor several times a year to get on a bunch of medications THEY DON’T NEED (that usually have side effects that are worse than the condition they are taking them for and don’t actually correct the problem but rather “mask” it’s symptoms) than take it upon themselves to do the PAINFULLY simple things it would require to actually FIX the problem!! (Sorry for that run-on sentence there!)

Right??? Isn’t that true?

You and I know it’s true. We all know people who want a “quick” solution (i.e. a pill) that enables them to do absolutely NO work and then they blame the pill for not fixing their problems. I can’t tell you how many significantly overweight people I’ve met who are on medication for high blood pressure and need to get therapy and pain killers for their bad knees. Here’s an idea, how about we start drinking more water, adding more fruits, veggies, and healthy proteins to our diet, and start moving our bodies a little bit? Do we think any of that might help??

At that point, when you know you are doing everything you can to be healthy on your own and still not getting better, then it might be appropriate to call the doctor. I’m not trying to get sassy here, I’m just trying to be REAL with you!

Full disclosure, I want you to know I say all this as someone who is currently (at the time of writing this book) overweight! So no, I am not some insanely fit super-freak who gets emotional at the sight of beautiful veggies, drinks nothing but H2O, and fantasizes about my next workout. However, I am someone who recognizes that despite the fact that my blood pressure is perfect (I’m not bragging...it just is), I don’t have bad knees, and I don’t have any diseases, I could still do MORE to be HEALTHIER. On paper I am as healthy as a horse, but I also know that occasionally I get winded going up the stairs and my lower back hurts more often than I would like. I know that my energy is not quite where I want it to be. I know that my mental clarity, focus, and energy would be greatly improved if I could finally kick my sugar addiction. (I’m getting much better, but I’ve still got work to do!)

Don’t get me wrong, I also believe that medicines DO have their place. There are certain things that cannot be cured or helped without the use of modern medicine and drugs. But if you just take a few minutes to dive into the plethora of NEW research that’s out there, you will see an increasing amount of medical professionals who believe most diseases and conditions can be prevented or drastically helped with the power of whole food nutrition, water, fresh air, and exercise.

I know I got pretty serious here, but my main goal is to encourage you to treat your body right and feel great...that’s not a crime, is it??

So here’s the point of this section; fuel your body with things you know are GOOD for you and less with things you know are BAD for you.

I will include some of my favorite healthy recipes and snacks at the end of this book so you can have some fresh new ideas to try!

Take this opportunity to jot down some of your thoughts!

Have you experienced any diseases or conditions that you know you can start to change by living a healthy lifestyle?

What are they? What can you do to start improving your quality of life from one of dis-ease to one of ease? Or, if you are not personally experiencing health concerns, does your family have a “history� of certain conditions or diseases?

Are they things you could easily inherit if you do not alter your lifestyle? What are these family trends and what can you do to end the trend?

JOURNALING Healthy Lifestyle

This next health tip is going to be pretty brief, because it’s very self-explanatory. DRINK MORE WATER. That’s the tip!! Drink more water and you will be shocked at what it does for your energy, focus, skin, digestion, weight loss...everything!

As soon as you feel thirsty you are already dehydrated. It is best to be proactive with your water intake and drink before you are thirsty. You will know you are sufficiently hydrated when you need to mosey on over to the bathroom more frequently and your pee is very light yellow or clear. Dark yellow pee is no bueno. (Hey, I’m not trying to be gross here, just trying to share the facts!)

I’ve mentioned a few negative effects of dehydration, but here are some clear signs you need to increase your H2O intake!

You:

-are constantly fatigued (drinking some water might be WAY more effective than coffee!)

-have dry skin -have frequent headaches -are constipated -get light-headed or dizzy easily -don’t pee much -get muscle cramps easily

If you are experiencing one or more of these symptoms, just try adding a few more glasses of water to your day and pay attention to how your body responds.

Now that you know the signs of dehydration and how much drinking water can improve your quality of life, let’s talk about how to get that water down the hatch!

YOU CAN: -Set a glass of water on the edge of the sink in your bathroom before bed and drink the whole thing when you first wake up -Workout first thing in the morning and commit to drinking at least two bottles of water during and after your workout -Drink a glass of water before every meal or snack -Every time you feel the urge to go to the bathroom drink a glass of water beforehand -Bring a gallon jug of water around with you and drink throughout the day -Try to replace at least one beverage per day with a glass of water, and gradually increase

I also know that water, although it literally gives us life, is not the sexiest thing to drink, so here are some ways to doctor up your water so you are more inclined to drink it!

-Decide if you like it warm, cold, or room temp and try to drink it that way -Infuse with fruits like watermelon, strawberries, kiwi, orange slices, lemon juice, pineapple, raspberries or any other juicy fruits you enjoy -Add other things like mint leaves, cucumbers, basil, cilantro, or other veggies/herbs you enjoy -Drink it in the form of tea, especially something like green tea -Add at least 8oz to your favorite smoothie or fresh green juice -Start drinking sparkling water! My favorite brand is LaCroix. It is completely unsweetened, and it only contains water, natural fruit juice, and carbonation.

(I will have some water “recipes” at the end of the book for you to try, so if you feel inclined, flip over there now and try one!)

Also, when you can, try to drink filtered water.

You don’t need to go to the store and drop a ton of money on the bottled stuff (I actually would prefer you didn’t since plastic bottles contribute to so much unnecessary waste), but invest a little money in a filter to make sure your water is as chemical free as possible. (You can find lots of good filters that last for several months for around $20-$35.)

I wouldn’t spend a couple of pages talking about drinking water if I didn’t believe it was crucial to helping you live a happier & healthier life, so just give it a try. It is one of the easiest changes you can make that can have a huge impact on your well-being!

The final thing we are going to talk about is fueling your body right with nourishing whole foods! I know there are SO MANY t diets and meal plans out there it can be OVERWHELMING!! It is for me too! Should you be paleo? Vegan? Vegetarian? Gluten-free? Pescatarian?

Should you try Atkins? Jenny Craig? Weight Watchers?

Calorie counting? The options alone are enough to make your head spin! s Now here’s where I’m going to protect my own butt and say “If you are unsure if you should be consuming certain foods please CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR!” But if you are the average person like me with no food allergies and few food sensitivities, you just need a little common sense and guidance to get your nutrition in check!

First tip: When you grocery shop, shop the perimeter of the store.

In the perimeter you will find fresh produce, meats, dairy, and other unprocessed or minimally-processed items. As soon as you venture into the aisles you find cookies, snack cakes, chips, soda, and a plethora of other not-so-healthy-for-you options. The idea is to avoid things that come in a bag or a box as much as possible.

You want foods with very few ingredients, and ideally foods where the only “ingredient” is the food itself!

Second tip: Avoid chemical-sounding ingredients when you do buy packaged food, or ingredients you can’t pronounce.

An example is something like “butylated hydrozyttoluene”...

I consider myself to be an intelligent person, and I struggle to pronounce this food additive! It turns out this chemical is actually a preservative used in many types of junk food.

Consuming it can alter neurological processes in your brain that affect your behavior, and it has the potential to cause cancer….yikes! So if you must buy processed food, stick to a short ingredient list with things you can pronounce!

Third tip: Try to cook and eat at home more frequently than you eat out.

Try to cook and eat at home more frequently than you eat out. t There are lots of restaurants catching on and offering an increased “healthy” or “light” menu, but if you want to be sure what is in your food, try to prep at home! Cooking at home also includes the added benefit of saving money, so it’s pretty much a win-win!

Fourth tip: Reduce your carbohydrate and sugar intake.

No, I am not trying to demonize carbs here, they can definitely have their place in a healthy diet! However, most people WAY over do it on the carbs and sugars and they don’t even know it! Carbs (contrary to popular belief) do not have to be a part of every meal and snack. It would actually be very beneficial to you to only have carbs during 2 meals or snacks per day.

When it comes to sugar, there is no health benefit to adding extra sugar in any way. You will get natural sugars from fruit and carbohydrates, so if you can avoid adding the white stuff (or brown stuff) to your diet or cooking you will be better off! I will include some recipes later in this book, but here are some great swaps for common carbs and sugars:

-Instead of “white”, “wheat”, or “whole wheat/grain” bread, buy “Ezekiel” or “Sprouted grain” bread. These breads are minimally processed and do not contain any enriched white flour -Instead of white rice, use quinoa or brown rice -Instead of regular pasta try spelt pasta, quinoa pasta, or use a veggies to create “noodles” such as spaghetti squash or zucchini -Use cauliflower for pizza crusts, “bread” sticks, mashed “potatoes” (it’s known as cauliflower mash), buffalo “wings” and more! Cauliflower is a fantastic nocarb swap and there are so many recipes for how to use it on Google or Pinterest!

-When baking use coconut flour or almond flour instead of traditional white flour -Instead of sugar try granulated stevia, liquid stevia, or “coconut sugar”

Just a few of these swaps will help you feel more energized (you won’t experience the fatigue of carb-overload), they will be easier to digest, and they will usually keep you fuller longer than a simple-sugar carbohydrate.

Another thing that’s important to mention is adding supplements or vitamins to your diet. Unfortunately a banana today is not the same as a banana 50 years ago. Because of the major increase in population over the last 100+ years, farms are forced to produce more (and quickly) and over-use their soil which causes the soil to be less nutrient-dense.

This means consuming the right foods is fantastic, but it won’t give you everything your body needs to function at it’s best.

Vitamins are a great way to add nutrients to your diet, but you need to be mindful which vitamins you choose. Sadly, the ones you hear about most (picture the “take this once daily” multivitamins mentioned on TV), are usually not the best for your body. Many contain fillers and binders (how else is it going to stay in that tight pill form?) that your body cannot break down. Most vitamins are less than 30% soluble. What that means is even when consuming a decent vitamin on the market you are only absorbing about 30% of the “good stuff” and the rest is coming out in your...well...you know what...and getting flushed down the toilet! Even more scary is that many of these vitamins are SO hard for us to break down that they just don’t…. Meaning when people have gone in for colonoscopies or been examined for other health/rectal issues, doctors are finding WHOLE unprocessed vitamins in their system! Yikes! How on earth can that be good for your body and digestion? Answer: it’s not. It’s not a coincidence that one of America’s most popular vitamins is nicknamed “Cementrum” because it can be found in whole form in our sewer systems….Ew. So what kinds of vitamins are acceptable? Well, I always recommend that you do your research, but when I personally buy vitamins I purchase them from a company called ‘Melaleuca.’ Melaleuca is a network marketing company that specializes in all kinds of wellness products from vitamins and supplements to hair care and home care. Their vitamins are close to 85% soluble, a vast improvement from 30%!!

Another way to increase your nutrition intake (because it is literally impossible to consume all the food we would need to consume in a day to get all the nutrition we need) is through shakes, juices, and smoothies. Shakes, juices, and smoothies make it simple and easy to boost your nutrition. Since we drink them, they make us feel less full than the whole foods themselves, plus they have the added benefit of being easily portable!

If you buy juices or get a juicer, just remember to add veggies to your juice.

Too much fruit juice has a high sugar content (with none of the fiber of the whole food) and all that fructose can spike your sugar levels and cause you to crash if you are not careful! Juicing is *not* my specialty (I’ve only bought the premade fresh ones from places like Whole Foods) because I hear it can be messy and time consuming, but if you don’t mind the cleanup and the time to juice it can be a great (and portable) way to get some extra nutrition in!

SMOOTHIES ARE ANOTHER GREAT OPTION BECAUSE IF YOU HAVE A GOOD BLENDER YOU CAN EASILY MAKE THESE AT HOME!

Just grab some almond milk or coconut milk (unsweetened) and throw in frozen berries, bananas, spinach, kale, and other fruits and veggies and you’ve got a healthy (and delicious!) meal on the go!

Since I like a lot of bang for my buck I personally drink a shake every day called Shakeology. I love it because it has TONS of super-food and whole food ingredients in it that I would never be able to find in the store, and they would be very pricey if I bought them all individually! It has healthy fruits and veggies in there you’ve heard of like grape seeds, chia, and blueberries, but it also has many rare super-food ingredients such as camu camu, goji berry, and reishi mushroom. 70+ healthy ingredients that I don’t have to buy individually? Yes please!! This is another easy option as it comes in flavors such as chocolate, strawberry, and cafe latte (yum!) so you can truly just shake it up with almond milk or blend in some add-ins (fruit, veggies, etc) and create a more hearty concoction!

So now that we’ve talked more about hydration, exercise, and proper nutrition, how do you actually MAKE these healthy changes happen?

FIRST- FIND SUPPORT!!

Find someone who will want to do this with you as there *will* be bumps in the road and support is EVERYTHING! Support doesn’t have to be someone that lives with you or near you either. The BEST support in the world that I have personally found is my online “fit family.” We live everywhere from Chicago to Philly and Canada to California! We check in with each other via text messages and private Facebook groups.

SECOND- TRY TO MAKE FOOD CHANGES YOU'LL FEEL HAPPY ABOUT It probably won’t feel good to jump from burgers, beer, and brownies to kale, steamed carrots, and water.

That’s no fun. If you LOVE burgers, find a way to incorporate them into your healthy lifestyle! You can enjoy bun-less burgers with lots of veggie toppings, or if you must have a bun try an ezekiel or sprouted grain option (or even gluten free.) If you love brownies try a low sugar brownie by using stevia instead of sugar and almond or coconut flour instead of white flour. If you love beer, still have beer but try to make it 1-2 times per week instead of 5 times per week (and occasionally go for the lighter beer if you can.)

Trying to cut out EVERYTHING that is “unhealthy” all at once will probably make you miserable and isn’t necessary. You can enjoy the things you love in moderation, OR you can find a really similar but healthier swap that doesn’t make you feel deprived. It takes a little more work to make the healthier choice but it will be worth it! (Just a reminder, I will be including all different kinds of recipes in the back!)

THIRD- REMEMBER THAT FOR MOST OF US, EATING IS A VERY EMOTIONAL THING (EVEN IF WE DON’T REALIZE IT IS.) Think about it, when is the last time that you went to a wedding, birthday party, funeral or memorial service that wasn’t centered around food? It’s kind of hard to think of one, right?

Whether we are celebrating or mourning, we do it with food.

These interactions with food cause us to have emotional attachments to food. In many cases, most people use food for some kind of enjoyment...we actually feel better when we eat certain delicious and decadent things. When we realize we are eating something just for the “pleasure” of eating the food, we need to try to stop and ask ourselves, “Why do I feel I need this food right now? Is there something else I could do to bring myself happiness at this time, or am I truly hungry?”

One thing I realized about myself as a food addict (and yes, I have learned through therapy and mindfulness practices that I struggle with food addiction), is whenever an exciting event is coming up the first thing I think is “Ooo! What kind of food will be there??” or “Hmm, I wonder what kind of yummy food I will order!” I didn’t even realize (consciously) how much I was focusing on food until I was describing to my therapist how I really struggle to make healthy choices while eating out or on the weekends. The way I was describing the unhealthy (but delicious) things I ate was akin to a steamy sex scene in a trashy romance novel!! I was describing the tastes, textures, smells, how I felt while eating it (joyous!)...I was even gesturing excitedly with my hands and closing my eyes to re-live the moment I was eating that delicious meal!

My therapist helped me realize there are SO many things to be excited about when it comes to a special event or dinner out besides just the food. For example, I could enjoy and really soak in the ambiance, the people I am with, the activities we might be doing outside of eating, the conversation I’m having, the music, the other people at the event/restaurant (I’m a big “people watcher”), and so much more! But before I would even get to an event I would be so focused on the food that everything else would fall to the wayside. Seems silly, but that’s the behavior of someone who is a bit food-obsessed (and I think that is many more people than we realize!)

So if you are anything like me, and you clearly associate food with pleasure (most of the time), try to figure out which events and foods trigger you, and simply try to focus on other enjoyable things about the experience. Enjoy the food you are eating, but try to make it a ssecondary thing you enjoy, not the whole enchilada! (Haha!)

Many times we use the “high” eating certain foods gives us as the way to fill in a “hole” we are experiencing in another aspect of our life. A few examples might be: -Eating because you are lonely or don’t have fulfilling friendships or relationships with family members -Eating because you are not happy with your significant other -Eating because you feel the need to be busy all the time and if you have nothing to do eating gives you “something to do” -Eating because you are unfulfilled at your job -Eating because you feel bored and have nothing “exciting” to fill your time -Eating because you don’t believe you can become the healthy, strong, confident person you’d like to be Etc, etc, etc….

There are so many reasons we eat, but we don’t always know what they are until we get REAL with ourselves and examine them.

Have you ever been so involved in an exciting project or hobby that you forgot to eat? Or been having so much fun with friends and loved ones that you didn’t even realize hours had passed since your last meal? Maybe you were on vacation and loving life so much that eating became completely secondary to your overall experience?

The reason we don’t think about eating nearly as much during times like these is we are getting a dopamine release from the activities we are engaged in versus looking for that “high” from food. I am not saying that you should do things that make you happy all the time so you never eat; I’m saying if we tune into other things we crave just as much as food (connection, joy, love, new experiences, etc.) and we experience MORE of those things, we are less likely to crave the pizza, fries, and ice cream.

Take this time to examine your relationship with food. Do you notice there are certain foods you crave all the time?

What feelings/emotions do you experience when eating these foods? Do you tend to use these foods to help yourself feel better when other things in life aren’t going well? Do you ever feel that food controls you instead of the other way around?

Write down some foods you love and next to them write down a healthy swap you are willing to try. Search Google or Pinterest for ideas.

JOURNALING relationship with food

Section #3

Revitalizing

Your Spirit

www.StephaniePodgor.com www.Facebok.com/StephaniePodgor

Now that we’ve talked about your mind and body, let’s talk about how to tap into and revitalize the true essence of you, your SPIRIT. What is your spirit exactly? It’s the part of you that is truly YOU. It’s the beautiful, uncorrupted, passionate, loving, confident, blissful and open-hearted person you are at the core of your being. The person you would be every day if you had not been hurt in the past. The person you would be if you had no fear of judgement. The person you would be if followed your heart and intuition and lived your life according to YOUR agenda, not anyone else’s.

Sadly, most of us tune our spirits out and push them down because we get caught up in the drudgery of “the daily grind.” We let our thoughts take over instead of our intuition, feelings, and passion. The good news is, we can shed the heavy cloak of “who we are supposed to be” and with practice we can become who we truly are. If you are open to it (and I know you are!) I’d love to give you some tips to help you get “in tune” with who you really are and start living life more fully every day!

First- you need to refer back to thet beginning of this book and get mindful!

Being mindful (as we discussed earlier) means trying to tune out the runaway train of thoughts flying through your head and instead live in the moment. You can do that by focusing on your breath, taking time to notice the world around you, and saying affirmations and meditating. Being mindful is all about being the “present moment.”

AS ANCIENT CHINESE PHILOSOPHER AND WRITER LAO TZU ONCE SAID: “IF YOU ARE DEPRESSED YOU ARE LIVING IN THE PAST. IF YOU ARE ANXIOUS YOU ARE LIVING IN THE FUTURE. IF YOU ARE AT PEACE YOU ARE LIVING IN THE PRESENT.”

That’s a shot right to the heart Lao...right to the heart. In my experience, this quote is so damn true it hurts. ANYTIME I feel depressed or anxious, I realize it is because I am focused on things I cannot change but wish I could, or things that haven’t happened yet I am worried won’t turn out well. Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever t gotten so tiedup-in-knots about your future that you felt like you were in a constant state of worry, or even on the verge of a panic attack? Or have you ever been so focused on the mistakes and “should-haves” of your past that you feel weighed down and unable to move forward?

Take a moment to journal about these two things; something dragging you down from your past and something causing you anxiety about the future, that you are *currently* experiencing: My albatross from the past is:

My nail-biting fear about the future is:

Now that you’ve identified two major things keeping you stuck, let me ask you this question: What would happen if instead of living in the past and future you let go of both of those things and lived in the “now”? (Did that question increase your anxiety?) I mean, honestly, what if you STOPPED focusing on these things, one of which you can’t change and one of which you can’t control, and just lived in this moment right now, today?

Would something horrific happen? Would the world as you know it fall apart?

What if instead of worrying about what’s already done or what’s going to be, you decided to do whatever you can to improve your situation and mood right now? Do you think that would help you feel more centered, calm, and more like your “true” self?

Let me give you an example from my own life of how letting go of the past helped me revitalize my spirit and step more fully into my true self.

I’ve known since about 2010/2011 that I wanted to become an entrepreneur. I wanted to change my life while helping others change their lives for the better. I wanted to work for myself, and I wanted to stop stressing about money and living paycheck to paycheck.

In summary, I wanted to be in control of my own life and experience *freedom*.

Over the next five years I tried many different at-home businesses as well as changed “day jobs” a ridiculous number of times.

Like...a lot of times....Ok, ok! I’ll tell you how many times....24 to be exact, in a matter of just over 5-6 years. (So if anyone tells you you are a job hopper or says, “why don’t you just decide what you want to do already?!” let them know at least you are not as flighty as your pal Stephanie!)

In late August of 2012 I quit my job at a daycare facility just two weeks before my wedding to pursue my entrepreneurial dream of that moment; which was to do at-home jewelry parties in partnership with a very successful MLM (Multi-level Marketing) jewelry company. After the wedding and honeymoon things were really ramping up with my business. By October I had at least 6 home parties on my calendar, and by November at least 11 (which is really a great month for a home party business!) However, when the money really started coming in (late October to early November) I was trying to get caught up paying September’s bills. As some of you reading this book may know, once you get a month behind on bills it can seem nearly impossible to catch up! By the time Christmas rolled around, I was in full-on panic mode. Even though my business was doing well by all standards, the fact that I started my entrepreneurial career playing catch up took a major toll on my wallet and my stress level!

Suddenly I started thinking, “Oh my God what did I do?? I can’t do this! How am I ever going to make enough money to pay what’s past due, pay what I currently owe, and get us ahead financially which was the whole reason for starting this thing in the first place?!? What if I just don’t have what it takes to succeed at this??”

Now let me just take a moment to tell you that when you are in full-on panic mode about how to pay your bills and questioning pretty much all of your life and career decisions, this is NOT a good time to try to make additional important decisions. I was so frantically trying to fix things and prevent my new husband from seriously questioning his decision to marry me that I did the only thing I could think of; I put a “band-aid” on the problem by joining another Multi-level Marketing company. Yes, you read that right. I tried to fix not making enough money as a home-business owner by joining another home-business.

I am not saying ANYTHING against home-businesses! Actually, I am a huge advocate for Network Marketing, still participate in Network Marketing to this day, and think becoming an “independent contractor” or “independent distributor” for a company whose mission you believe in is a very rewarding and empowering life choice! But just like ANY business someone tries to start, there is a “ramp up” period; A period where you are making almost no money because you are learning the in’s and out’s of being a business owner, building your network, and finding customers. These things do not happen overnight. For these reasons, joining another home business company to “make up for” what I felt I wasn’t getting from my jewelry business was NOT the right solution.

Joining that second MLM company not only added additional stress (again, I was starting from scratch with a new company), but I didn’t tell my husband about it at first and he was ANGRY. He wasn’t angry about me joining a new company as much as he was angry that I didn’t tell him about it (and spent a portion of *our* hard earned and meager income to sign up), he was upset that I didn’t feel like I could talk to him about potential solutions, and that I did something behind his back.

I am not going to bore you with the rest of the details of this story (because that’s not the point I’m trying to make here), but what I will tell you is later that year I went back to the “traditional” work world and ultimately ended up leaving both companies. (I did not leave the companies because they weren’t great, both of them actually are. I left because I had mentally tarnished those experiences and at the time I felt I needed to close those doors in order to move forward.)

So why am I telling you all this?

I am telling you this personal story because I allowed my past mistakes to catapult me into a deep depression that I struggled to get out of for the next three years. Remember the quote I mentioned earlier? “If you are depressed you are living in the past…” I was so fixated on everything I did wrong I didn’t have a chance in HELL of getting anything right! It’s not possible to move forward when you are living in the past! However, I was right about one thing; I am meant to be an entrepreneur...I just hadn’t found the right avenue to pursue this dream. When opportunities to reignite my dream of being selfemployed presented themselves, I was too scared and depressed to give myself a real chance at being successful.

Only within the last year, and especially the last few months (at the time of the writing of this book) have I finally started to spread my wings and fully go after my dream. Why? Because I finally decided my past does not define me and I am going to live IN THE MOMENT. Living in the past does not serve me, nor does it serve you. In the wise words of motivational speaker and author Denis Waitley, “There are no mistakes or failures, only lessons.”

From my story, and maybe your own personal story that came up while reading about my mistakes, can you see how living in the past, how living in depression, holds your spirit hostage? How can you be free to “live your truth” when you can’t even live in what’s happening today? The short answer is you can’t.

So how do you live in the moment? How do you focus on TODAY instead of the past? Use the tools I gave you in the beginning of this book. Work on *mindfulness*. Focus on your breath, focus on the task in front of you or the person sitting across from you, soak in every sound and color and smell happening around you...and just BE there with all of it. It’s NOT easy, it takes practice, and I myself am not an expert at it...but when we shut out the “noise” of our own “messed up” thoughts we can finally step into who we truly are.

Another way to stop living in the past and pull yourself out of depression? Find something you are excited about right now and truly GO FOR IT. Go for it even if you are scared or you are not sure how it is going to turn out. Remember, being scared about how something will turn out is anxiety and living in the future. x By pursuing something you are excited about you are forcing yourself to live in the present moment. When you are super excited about something, it is difficult to focus on things that are bothering you, right? So find that thing, whether it is starting your own business, volunteering, taking up a new hobby, spending quality time with friends, adventure-seeking, going back to school for your passion, learning a language….find SOMETHING and really dive into it! It will make you feel ALIVE! One final thought I will give you about pulling yourself out of depression and living in the now (which will majorly increase your joy) is to stop saying “yes” to things you don’t know you’re saying “yes” to. You’re probably thinking I’m really off my rocker now...because what the hell do I mean by that?

I mean, stop giving your time and attention to things that really don’t matter, don’t bring you joy, and don’t help you grow. For example, I can tell you one thing most of you are saying yes to on the DAILY that is sucking some of your precious life energy away and you don’t even realize it…..

Your Facebook and/or Instagram feed.

Am I right?!?

How many times are you mindlessly scrolling that thing and then 30 minutes or an hour goes by and you suddenly wake up from your social media coma thinking “omg...what did I just do with my life?”

C’mon you have to admit that’s happened to you! I very consciously try not to waste my time on things that don’t positively enhance my life in some way and I get sucked into these feeds for at least a short time almost every day! And don’t tell me “It’s not sucking my life energy away! I follow motivational people and get to see pics of my cute nieces and nephews on there!” Yeah….me too girlfriend, but there’s also a lot of negative and mindless crap on there too that is NOT enhancing your life in any way! Even with all the inspirational and good-hearted people I follow I still see a lot of, “oh my gosh the line was so long at starbucks today and they got my order wrong and now i’m late to work! #damnyoustarbucks” or “*insert political office candidate here* is an idiot and awful and if you don’t agree with my opinion just unfriend me now!”

CAN YOU SAY #WASTEOFTIME??

Full disclosure, I make it a point to follow such awesome people on social media I really don’t see much crap like that anymore, but I know that is not the case for most people. Even if I’m not seeing “crap” per se, am I really exposing myself to much that’s making my life better?

Only sometimes. I could say yes to much more “life-enhancing” activities like reading a new book, connecting with a friend or family member, growing my business, creating something other people will find a lot of value in (such as this book), planning an exciting vacay somewhere new, or literally TONS of other things that would add more value to my life than the FB or IG feed!

Before you get in a tizzy thinking, “Geez Stephanie, am I not allowed to just CHILL?? Do I have to be moving my life forward ALL the time or I’m wasting time??” No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying two things here:

1) most of us could probably find relaxing activities that we truly enjoy MORE than vegging out on our phones and in front of the TV. Think about what you would truly ENJOY that is also a calming activity and do that. Hell, laying in a hammock staring at the white fluffy clouds passing by trying to clear your mind of ALL thought is more rejuvenating than reading the opinions of “Negative Nancies” and “Danny Downers” on your feed!

2) Chillin’ is something you should do to recharge your batteries. When you are re-fueled, you get back to living your exciting kick-ass life!!

Don’t live in “chill” mode all evening every evening when you get home from work. That’s just...boring. Take the time you need to “tune out” the world and focus on you, but then get back to doing things that fill your cup with energy, happiness, love, and purpose.

Oh! And one other quick point about social media! Most of the time, if people aren’t complaining, you are only seeing their “highlight reel”. This means you are only seeing the well-cropped, filtered, super fun and and exciting moments of their lives, not the regular hum-drum stuff that goes on behind the scenes. Constantly seeing other people’s “highlight reels” can give you a serious case of “grass is always greener” syndrome and you wind up feeling depressed about your boring-ass life and lack of cool friends. (Your friends are cool and your life is not boring...I’m just making a point here!) In this case your feed is not filled with negative crap-o-la, but your self esteem can still take a blow.

I’ve talked a lot about getting out of depression and not living in the past, but now let’s address a little bit about anxiety and how to avoid living in the future. I have adopted a way of thinking that really helps in alleviating my stress when I apply it, and that is: I cannot change anyone’s actions or behavior. That is not possible. I can only change my actions and behavior and hope for the best.

When you realize how deeply true that statement is, most of your anxiety about the future is lifted.

Most anxiety comes from worrying how other people may react to what we do or say; we worry we will z hurt, disappoint, or anger those around us. Not worrying about how others will act or react to you is not permission to be an a-hole of course, but it means do what you believe is right and don’t worry about how people receive it.

Let’s say you have a decent job but have found a better one that suits your needs, or you have finally decided it’s time to pursue your dream and work for yourself. If your employer is in any way a decent human being, you most likely will experience some guilt about giving your two-weeks notice. You need to remember though, that if you leave in the “appropriate” way (with a resignation letter and giving adequate notice), you have nothing to feel guilty about. The way your employer reacts is on THEM...and no matter how kind and considerate you are, it’s possible they may flip out on you! Their reaction has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Even if you don’t resign in the most considerate of ways (you texted your boss the “peace sign” emoji with the word “deuces”) it’s still on them how they react to the situation. You may need to accept you will be getting a lot of negative reactions from people if you behave in this way, but the point still remains, you cannot take ownership over someone else’s emotions, behavior, or reactions.

Have you ever heard the saying, “Worry is a down payment on a problem that most likely won’t happen”? or “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it”?

Those sayings can be frustrating sometimes, but that’s only when we are unwilling to accept their truth. You need to take ownership over YOUR actions and live with integrity and respect for others...beyond that, there is nothing you can do to change someone else’s opinions about your behavior.

So now that you understand why having anxiety about other people’s thoughts and behavior is completely unnecessary, HOW do you stop the anxiety when it comes on OR before it starts?

This first tip might sound a little cheesy but it WORKS. It is for scenarios you are anxious about that involve interactions with other people who have the power to make you feel small. Maybe theyt are “above” you in a certain hierarchal relationship (i.e. your mom, your boss, someone interviewing you, etc.), or for some reason they just seem “better”, smarter, or “cooler” than you. Before you go into your interaction with them you need to practice “power posing”, and this tactic can be even more effective if practiced in front of the mirror.

“Power posing” is when you physically put your body into a stance of “power” for at least two minutes. Doing this will literally change the chemicals releasing from your brain such as reducing the excretion of cortisol, the stress hormone. A power pose can be something like a “superman” pose where you stand straight and tall, shoulders back, hands on hips and smile. Stay in this pose and imagine your interaction with this person; imagine yourself speaking calmly, saying the “right” things. Imagine they are reacting just as you would hope, and everything works out perfectly.

Visualizing your interaction with this person going positively, with a positive outcome, while assuming the power pose will automatically help relieve anxiety about the situation in the moment, and will help you to show up more calmly when you have the interaction.

If you want more information on power posing and it’s benefits check out Amy Cuddy’s TED talk on the topic and dive in! bitly.com/2dWrDYI

The second tip is to get really real with yourself about the absolute WORST outcome that could possibly happen. Does the worst outcome involve your death or the death of someone else? If it doesn’t, then things will most likely work out ok! I don’t mean to be very black and white here, but if no one’s mortality is on the line then you can and WILL be able to handle any negative outcome that gets thrown at you!

I have used this method of thinking for calming down my anxiety for most of my life.

During my undergrad years as a musical theatre major, I would get very anxious about auditions. Before I would go audition, to calm down I would ask myself, what’s the worst thing that could happen at the audition? I could forget everything and slowly slink off stage. I could remember everything and the directors could still think I was a terrible, talentless hack. I could trip and fall flat on my face. Any number of “terrible” things could happen! But the WORST thing that comes from all these bad situations is my ego is bruised and I don’t get the part. Would it be painful to deal with? Sure. But would time heal my wounds? Absolutely.

Can you think of a an upcoming situation that is stressing you out? I want you to think of the three worst outcomes that could happen, and ask yourself if they are worth all the stress energy you are pouring into them right now.

JOURNALING JOURNALING x

Another HUGE way to revitalize your spirit that doesn’t need a whole lot of explanation??

Take a vacation from technology!!!

I think I physically heard some of you have a heart palpitation...but please, just try!

Trust me, I am just as addicted to my iPhone as the next guy...but there is something so liberating about being disconnected. It forces you to be truly in the moment, appreciating who and what’s around you. If this sounds like something that’s really hard for you, start small. Start by taking a short walk (an hour or less) with your BFF or significant other and leave your phone at home. Then try going out to dinner with friends and leave the cell behind. Then maybe try a weekend away or a full fledged vacation (if you can stomach it) without your phone. Remember that somehow someway people got around and had a great time without google maps or constant access to Facebook. If they were able to do it, you can do it too!

I would also suggest that you try to go for a period of time (maybe an evening or a weekend) without watching TV or hopping on your laptop. Instead maybe pick up a book you’ve been meaning to read, finish knitting the scarf you started years ago, pick up an adult coloring book and go to town, or have a friend over and play card games and just connect.

Sometimes I really think we forget who we are and what we enjoy because we are so reliant on technology to entertain us.

We don’t have to tap into our desires and figure out something fun to do because Netflix is right there ready to distract us. Movies are fun, but we are talking about revitalizing your spirit here! No matter how good it is, no Nicholas Sparks movie is going to do that for you.

So take this time to write down what type of technology calls to you the most and why?

What does that technology provide for you? (A distraction, a way to laugh, a way to unwind, a way to avoid people...what is it?) Then write down at least 3 things that do not involve technology that you would like to get back into or try for the first time. Next I want you to write down an exact date (or dates) coming up where you will put the technology down and GO DO THESE THINGS.

JOURNALING

Remember that I love to give you options, so here is another way to revitalize your spirit: GET OUTSIDE. CONNECT WITH NATURE. (Of course, I encourage you to do this without technology if you can.)

As soon as you have a pleasant weather day coming up, make a plan to get outside and enjoy some of it. You can read a book outside, go for a walk or bike ride, go paddleboating, golfing, swimming, or just lie in a hammock and watch the clouds roll by. While you are outside, take the time to really notice what’s around you. Notice how blue the sky is, how soft the grass feels under your feet, how green the leaves are on the trees, how tall the trees are, how you can hear birds chirping or the water crashing on the shore. Absorb everything that’s going on around you and think for a moment how damn lucky you are to be able to experience all this beauty and peace.

I’m not trying to get all “airy fairy” on you here, but getting outside allows you to connect with who you are and why you are here. It can help quiet the noise of your hustle and bustle lifestyle and put you in a state of appreciation if you let it.

If all that “spiritually and emotionally connecting with nature” stuff doesn’t jive with you, that’s cool! Let me throw a little science at you and you can try something called “grounding”.

So as we all know, our bodies, much like the earth and everything else around us, are made up of positive and negative electrons. Most of us have a high concentration of positive electrons because we use technological devices that cause a buildup of them in our bodies, and we are not balancing them out with enough negative electrons.

Grounding (also known as “Earthing”) is believed to balance out your bodies’ electrons when you come into contact with the earth because the earth has a primarily negative charge.

After just 30 minutes of grounding, physical changes can be seen (with thermal imaging) and even felt with improved sleep, reduction in headaches, and more. Kind of funny that something we used to do so naturally as humans (be outside) can have such positive side effects on our health and bodies.

For more information on Earthing check out Wellness Mama’s blog here: bitly.com/2dfoRKH or read the book, Earthing: Those Most Important Health Discovery Ever? By Clinton Ober.

Does the idea of getting outside (for “grounding” or just to enjoy nature) sound appealing to you? Can you think of a time where getting outside made you feel totally at peace or totally connected with you? What type of outdoor activities do you think you would enjoy or where would you like to go to enjoy nature? Make a plan to get out there and soak it in below!

JOURNALING

One final suggestion to revitalize your spirit? Get PLAYFUL! Dance, play games, act like a kid again, and get SILLY! When you were a child, you were unapologetically you. When you were happy you expressed it, when you were sad you let it show, and you basically wore your heart on your sleeve until at least the age of 5, if not even later. There is something so liberating and honest about living this way. As an adult it is not socially acceptable to bust into tears because your toast isn’t buttered correctly, but we also don’t have to be nearly as “buttoned up” as we are about our emotions, especially when it comes to expressing our joy!

I am lucky enough to be someone who pretty freely expresses her emotion (especially joy and excitement) without getting too nervous about being “real” and “exposing” myself. (The perks of being an extrovert!) Don’t get me wrong, as an adult I mask my true feelings more than I did in childhood to get through a tough experience or an experience where I don’t feel “safe” to be my true self, but most of the time I feel free to express my true feelings. Like I mentioned earlier, this is especially true when it comes to happiness and excitement!

This “wearing my heart on my sleeve” quality was very strong, especially throughout middle school.

I remember when I was about 11 or 12 years old one of the cutest boys in my grade, (we’ll call him Dominic for the sake of anonymity) asked me out on a “date.” You know, as much of a date as it could be when you are 11 years old...probably just watching TV at his house while his parents were home in the other room. Nonetheless, I was SO INCREDIBLY EXCITED this boy asked me out I burst dancing and singing into my older sister’s room, slid on my knees across the floor and announced in my most daytime soap opera sing-songy voice, “I’M going out with DOMINIC!!!!” I mean I had the CHEESIEST smile on my face and I acted as though my sister would be handing me an award for “coolest 6th grader in the world” the way I burst into her room with such excitement!!

She, to this day, still remembers how full of pure (and somewhat ridiculous) excitement and joy I was on that day...and I do too. On that day in that moment, Dominic asking me out was the most exciting thing EVER and I let myself fully feel and express every ounce of it! I wasn’t worried what she would think of me, I didn’t try to “tone it down” so no one would think I was a weirdo, I just frickin’ OWNED that joy and let myself live in it in the moment!

x

Another, much more recent example, was when I attended an Ed Sheeran concert in September 2015 with my sister, her friend, and a close friend of mine. I went because my sister had affordable tickets and because I am hard-pressed to pass up an outdoor concert in beautiful weather! I could only think of two Ed Sheeran songs I knew before the concert (when I got there I actually found out I knew many more and am actually a fan...I just didn’t know he was the artist behind the songs I liked) but I decided to go because sometimes you just need to say “yes” to a fun and different experience.

Well, Ed Sheeran, HUGE shout out to you because the concert was absolutely AMAZING. I mean the music was fantastic, it was visually stunning, and the whole experience had such a fun and chill vibe. Then he played one song I actually knew very well and really loved, I just hadn’t known before the concert it was an Ed Sheeran song. It was the song “Thinking Out Loud.” Have you ever heard it? It’s beautiful...the tune is so pleasing and comforting, like a big snuggly warm blanket on a chilly fall night, and the lyrics hit you right in the heart. It’s actually a love song. In that moment, when he was playing that song, there was a cool and calm breeze, the sky had just turned a deep dark blue, the music was just moving through my soul and I grabbed my friend’s hand and squeezed it tight while belting out the lyrics...nearly in tears over how grateful I was to be experiencing such a beautiful moment. I almost felt like I was floating I was so filled with love and appreciation for everything and everyone around me.

Now like I said, this was a romantic song...I could have been nervous that I might have made my friend uncomfortable by showing so much emotion by grabbing onto her hand and squeezing it the whole time. I could have been nervous that people would look at me funny for singing so loud. I could have been nervous that someone might see the small tear of joy running down my cheek and think I was a giant weirdo for getting so emotional about a silly song.

But I decided not to care about any of that and just let it all go. I let my joy, gratitude, love, wonder, and awe flow through me and out of me like ocean waves crashing onto the shore. It was so incredibly liberating!

Those moments, moments like the ones I just described, are when you connect with the true essence of YOU; when you forget about who might judge you or what other people are thinking and you express your joy and excitement fully. Those are the moments you feel truly ALIVE. And those are the moments you’ll never forget.

So play. BE playful. Express your happiness and don’t take it down any notches for anyone else! Feel that childlike excitement, wonder, and awe. Get excited about the world and all the amazing blessings coming your way.

Take a moment to journal about a time when you truly felt and expressed your joy and excitement about a situation. Where were you? Who were you with? Why do you think you felt so comfortable to be your true self in that moment? What can you do to create more situations like that for yourself? Who are the people you spend time with that don’t make you feel like you need to “take it down a few notches”?

x

JOURNALING

By doing all of these things, living in the present moment, temporarily breaking up with technology, reconnecting with nature, and allowing yourself to play and truly feel and express your joy, you will begin to set your soul free and live a more joyous and truth-filled life!

Section #4

Relationships

www.StephaniePodgor.com www.Facebok.com/StephaniePodgor

I am both excited and nervous to talk about this next topic, and I’ll tell you why. Up until this point, it’s been all about YOU. What can you do to increase your happiness? What can you do to relieve stress? What can you do to improve your health and vitality?

The things I will help you to examine, will change the course of your relationships. Through reading and journaling in this section you will discover relationships you need to improve and relationships you need to release. Through the work you will do in this section, you will discover some people with whom you can share a “happily ever after” ending, and some people who will try to suck the life out of you as you create necessary distance from them.

The work you will have to do in this section, if you really want to have deeply meaningful relationships, will be tough and sometimes seem nearly impossible. If you stick with me though, you will see why these changes are necessary and how your life satisfaction will improve drastically once you decide who is meant to be in your inner circle and who is meant to be out. Are you ready to dig in with me?

Yeah? Ok then, let’s do this The first relationship we are going to examine is the one with your significant other or your spouse. Even if you are single at the time you are reading this book, don’t skip this section! The lessons and ideas you will learn here will absolutely serve you when you get into a long term relationship, and many of these principles can be translated to fit your relationship with your BFF or your mom or whoever you are closest with.

We are starting with your relationship with this particular person because it is the most important relationship in determining your overall life satisfaction and level of happiness. We want to make sure this relationship is healthy and helping you move forward as opposed to holding you back.

So first I want you to think of this person, your significant other, and write down the three words you best think describe them.

1

2

3

When you think of this person, are you filled with positive feelings and emotions (overall), are you filled with some negative emotions and stress, or are you feeling a combination of both? Take a moment to jot down the emotions that are stirred up when you think of this person.

JOURNALING

What is it that causes you to feel this way about this person? What do they do or not do, say or not say, that makes you feel the way you do?

JOURNALING

Based on what you said in the previous journaling exercises, do you think your relationship can maintain and/or improve from where it is now? Do you feel in your heart this person loves you (or is capable of loving you) in the way you want and need to be loved? Is this someone who is willing to grow with you and learn with you on this journey through life together?

JOURNALING

Take a moment right now to reread what you just wrote from all three journaling sections. See what emotions are stirred up in you and just sit with them for a few moments. If you are overall feeling happy and satisfied then “WooHoo!!!” It seems like you are in a loving, trusting, respect-filled relationship and you can deepen that relationship using the tips and exercises I will give you here. If you are overall feeling stressed, sad, or worried, it’s okay! All hope is not lost and that does not mean your relationship is doomed. We can work together to improve your relationship, or even explore the possibility that there might be someone out there who can love you and understand you even more deeply than you ever thought possible! Either way, we are going to come out of this with positive outcomes, cool?? Cool!

The first exercise I am going to give you when it comes to improving your relationship with your significant other (and really all relationships in general) is to read The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman.

Whaaaaaat??? I am supposed to be teaching you about life transformation in this book and I am suggesting you read another book?!? Yes...yes I am. Unless you want this book to be over 300 pages then ya gotta allow me to outsource sometimes, k? Plus, despite my absolute adoration for The Five Love Languages I just cannot explain things with the same expertise my good friend Dr. Gary does. Dr. Gary Chapman is a marriage counselor, pastor, and holds Bachelors and Masters degrees in the subject of Anthropology, a Masters in Religious Education and is a Doctor of Philosophy. On top of all this he has helped thousands of couples through his live events and coaching to completely transform their relationships.

You don’t need to take my word for how awesome he is or how kick-ass his book is, just google him. You don’t have to stop reading this book until you purchase and complete The Five Love Languages (actually please don’t!), but what I am telling you to do is set this book down or close down the web page on which you are reading this book for a sec, open up your Amazon app, and place an order for the book right now. Like, right now right now...because I’m going to give you a little bit of #RealTalk here.

You don’t know everything.

I don’t know everything (obvi).

This means in order to continue to improve your life, the lives of those around you, and grow as a person, you need to look to experts and teachers outside of yourself for help and guidance. If you are not willing to spend a few dollars (I just searched for the book on Amazon and you can get used copies starting at $2.96) and spend a few evenings of your time (it’s a very quick and easy read) in order to learn how to love your significant other better and help them do the same for you...if you are not willing to throw a teeny tiny bit of money and a small amount of time in the direction of educating yourself on how to have a happy, fulfilling relationship...you may as well just end the relationship now. Know why? Because things will never get better for you; which means they will eventually get worse. You are clearly an unsatisfactory partner that just wishes and hopes things will change and is unwilling to put forth any actual effort. Because riddle me this Batman… How can anything in your life change if you are not willing to change anything?

x

**COMPLETELY PREDICTABLE NEWS FLASH** It won’t.

If you want change you have to DO something different, and sometimes that something is spending some money and time on resources that will teach you concepts and ideas that will rock your world and change your life. **Steps off soapbox**

But for real though guys, I know most of you don’t need to hear that message (obviously you paid for and are reading this book!!) but for the few of you who thought “nah...I can probably just improve my relationship without doing any of that extra work and research”...you are in for a very rude awakening and a life full of disappointment. I’m not trying to be harsh...it’s just the truth. If you want to improve something you have to seek out ways to improve it and then put all that knowledge into action. Action takes you from a life full of of hopes to a life full of results. So take some action right now, order The Five Love Languages and then pat yourself on the back for taking an absolutely life-transforming step!!

I will give you a very brief example of how reading The Five Love Languages completely transformed my marriage. I already told you earlier in this book how using a simple gratitude exercise helped my hubby and I reconnect during a very trying time in our relationship. At the same time (right after we got married) I was searching for any and all information I could get my hands on about healthy and happy marriages. Naturally Dr. Gary Chapman’s incredible book came across my phone screen, through the Amazon fulfillment warehouse, and eventually to my front door. I learned that of the 5 love languages (Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving of Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch), my primary love language is “words of affirmation” and my husband’s (he discovered this on his own) is “acts of service”.

This means I feel most loved when people tell me how much they love me or what a good job I’m doing or how much they appreciate me. Before reading the book I knew that I enjoyed praise, but I didn’t realize that the way I feel truly loved is when someone expresses it in words. For my husband this means he feels loved when I think of him and do something for him he might appreciate. This might be picking up lunch for him, making sure his clothes for work are washed and ready to go, or doing the dishes on his dishes night just because.

Discovering our primary love languages meant we could now tell each other pretty clearly what the other one can do to make us feel loved and appreciated. Now my husband goes out of his way to tell me I’m doing a good job, that he loves me, how beautiful he thinks I am (he’s always been great at telling me that), and more! He makes it a point to express in words how much he values me. Hearing these statements from him makes all the difference in the world in our relationship. I feel seen, understood, loved, respected, and appreciated.

As for me, I go out of my way to think of little things I can do for him several times a week to show him I am thinking of him. I stepped up my laundry and dishes game, I try to think of things he may need when I am at the store and buy them for him (this is different than the “gifts” love language as the things I buy are more practical things he may “need”), and I help him with things like reading his cover letter for a job application or helping him record a fun video for a friend’s bachelor party surprise. When I go out of my way to help do things for Scott, he feels incredibly loved, understood, respected, appreciated, and seen as well.

As you can see from my real-life example, these “tweaks” in our marriage are very small and easy to do, but they add up to a giant result. Once again, I urge you to buy The Five Love Languages and start implementing.

Encourage your partner to read it too! If they are resistant, tell them by them understanding their love language and being able to communicate that to you, you will be able to show up for them in a way you have not been able to in the past. Let them know how important it is to you that you grow together as a couple so that you don’t grow apart. If your partner is completely resistant to reading the book (and unfortunately in some cases this may happen) use the tools in the book to discern what you think their love language is. You will probably be right and can start doing the things you believe will help them feel more loved. It might be a little frustrating to feel like you are doing this “alone”, but realize you may not have done your best in showing them you love them in the past (not intentionally of course...maybe you just didn’t understand their love language.)

Maybe the lack of love they feel from you is the reason they don’t want to participate or read the book at this time. (Remember--I am NOT saying you intentionally made your partner feel unloved!! It is very likely you were communicating you love them but in YOUR love language; which unless your partner’s is the same, they will not *feel* loved by you.) However, if you start making your partner feel loved through your words, time, acts of service, touch, or gifts, they will most likely open up to you and want to take this step in the journey with you.

Based on what you’ve learned so far, what do you think your primary love language is? What can your significant other do to speak to you in your love language?

JOURNALING

For journaling purposes, feel free to Google a brief summary of The Five Love Languages! This does NOT take you off the hook from reading the whole book! ;-)

What do you think your partner’s x love language is? How can you communicate with them using their love language? x

JOURNALING

The second thing I want you to work on when it comes to your relationships (all of them, not just with your significant other) is more of a cognitive “realization” I want you to come to than a “task” I want you to do. That realization is that most conflicts arise from two things: a lack of communication or a difference in expectations.

A lack of communication with someone you are close with will usually leave you feeling left out or ignored. You will feel like there are “gaps” in your relationship and you may feel sad or frustrated.

When you think of your relationship with this person you feel like you leave things unsaid (perhaps intentionally) and you wish you could have more honest and open conversations with them.

A difference in expectations becomes apparent when you realize you seem to be communicating and talking regularly, but somehow you are on different pages. You think you are being clear about what you want or need, but somehow the results you seem to be getting from your relationship are nothing close to what you hoped for or expected. Because experiencing a “difference in expectations” can be harder to identify, let me give you a couple personal, real-life examples.

This first example seems a bit silly, but anyone who has been in a long term relationship (more than a year) will absolutely understand the example!

One year my husband and I went to a friend’s apartment for the Superbowl.

Our friend lived in the city where parking is not ideal, so we had to park a little more than a block away from our destination. There was deep snow that night, so my husband, being the gentleman that he is, offered to get our car when the game was over and pull it up to the building. I said “That would be great, I’ll just wait inside!” Now what I “expected” from this situation was that my husband would text or call me when he was in front of the apartment. Even though I knew he most likely wouldn’t be too long, my friend lived on a one way street, I knew it might be difficult to get out of the spot, and he also had to walk to the spot. I truly believed (i.e. expected) I had at least a few more minutes to chat with my friend AND that my husband would call me when he wanted me to come out.

Finally almost 10 minutes had passed (during which I checked my phone a few times) and I hadn’t heard from him. I began thinking, “That’s weird...he really must be back by now” so I called him. He answered his phone sounding frustrated and huffs, “Geez! I’ve been waiting out in front 10 minutes! Where are you?? Why haven’t you come down yet?!” This question instantly offends me (of course) and I snap back, “Well you’re a fool if you’ve been waiting outside 10 minutes!! I thought you were going to call or text me to let me know you were here!!” (Mature way to respond, I know!)

I rolled my eyes at my friend, explained the mix-up, quickly threw on my boots and got in the car. It was late, cold and dark, and we were both piiiiiiissssed at each other. As soon as I got in the car we started arguing about it. He was mad because I made him wait, I was mad because he made it seem like I inconvenienced him when I didn’t know he was back, and we both had NO IDEA how the other one could have thought differently than we did! We literally went round and round in circles arguing about who was right the whole. car. ride. home. (Don’t judge! Those of you in serious relationships know you have argued about just as dumb or dumber things than this!)

Now full disclosure, I still believe I was 100% right in what I expected he would do (and am still baffled he didn’t text or call to let me know he was sitting in the car waiting for me to pop my head out) but that’s not the point. Neither one of our arguments were valid because neither one of us clearly expressed our expectation in that situation.

If I had clearly expressed my expectation I would have said “Thanks for grabbing the car babe!

Please text or call me when you are out front so I know when you are here!” If Scott had clearly expressed his expectation he would have said “I’m going to go grab the car babe! Can you please wait by the window so you can see when I am here and come out right away?”

Now let me give you a helpful hint, DO NOT do what I did and get caught up in the rationalization that “I shouldn’t have to ask you to call or text me!

OBVIOUSLY I would have wanted you to call! How could you not know that?!” This type of thinking (and saying it out loud...like I did) will ONLY cause a further argument!! In a way, what I was kind of saying was, “How could you not have thought the same brilliant way as me? Dummy…” Right? Even if I wasn’t saying that (and I’ll just be totally honest here… in the heat of the moment I was kind of trying to communicate that message) that’s pretty much the only way Scott was going to hear it. And that was the same way I interpreted his statements; like I was some kind of idiot for not thinking of the situation in the same way as him.

You could argue that this was a communication problem, but really it wasn’t. He told me what he was going to do and I told him what I was going to do. What we didn’t communicate was what we expected the other one to do. When you set that irresistible desire to be “right” aside (and your belief that your way of thinking about the situation is the only logical way), you will be able to see why the other person had that expectation of you. You will also be able to communicate exactly what you expect versus thinking the other person “should” know what you expect. Have you ever heard the phrase, “Stop should-ing all over yourself”? (If you say it out loud you will see which word normally replaces “should-ing”.) Well the same applies to other people; we need to attempt to stop “should-ing” all over them as well!

Take a moment to dig deep here. Can you remember a time when you placed expectations on someone else (expectations you did not communicate to this person) and felt like they “should” have known what you wanted? How did you feel when the person didn’t give you the result you were hoping for?

How did the person who misunderstood your expectation feel? What could you have said or done differently to experience a more positive outcome?

JOURNALING

Experiencing a lack of communication in your relationship is very different from failing to communicate your expectations. A difference in expectations will leave you feeling frustrated or even angry; a lack of communication will cause you to feel frustrated, angry, disrespected, isolated, sad, and disconnected. When we don’t communicate or actively withhold communication from our partner or loved ones, the feelings we experience around that tend to be more serious and damaging. There are probably painful thoughts and feelings associated with your unwillingness (or your partner’s unwillingness) to communicate. Maybe there is a lack of trust between you and this person. Maybe you have strong feelings of resentment or sadness attached to this person (or vice versa.)

WHATEVER THE CASE MAY BE, FIRST YOU NEED TO REALIZE THERE IS A LACK OF COMMUNICATION. Then you need to determine why there is a lack of communication. Next, you need to do some personal work and discovery surrounding the issue and decide how you want to go about healing from this issue. (Some healing methods include: therapy, meditation, reading books and articles on relationships, etc.) Finally, you need to decide how you are going to start communicating more effectively with this person. Are you going to address the issue head on? Are you going to subtly modify the way you communicate with this person and gauge their response? Are you going to have a mediator or therapist intervene?

No matter how you choose to go about it, if you want to improve your relationship with the person you are experiencing a lack of communication with, you must do something to start moving forward.

This is not a problem that will “sort itself out” over time. You need to put some serious work into opening the lines of communication in a positive way. The first step is taking some time for self-discovery and objectively examining your relationship. You get to choose how to handle things from there.

Once we are aware most of the problems in our relationships stem from a lack of communication and unspoken expectations, we are more easily able to correct our course and move forward. So figure out what the issue is, talk more, communicate what you truly desire, and commit an open and honest relationship with those you care about most. You will be so thankful you did!

The final thing I will say about relationships is this: You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with. Have you heard that concept before? I’m sure many of you have. Take a t about it. Remember those five people you moment to really think thought of earlier in this book? Hopefully you think their lives are awesome because the life you are living will directly mirror theirs. Your income, relationship status (and your level of happiness in your romantic relationship), physical health, mental well-being, drive and motivation, career satisfaction and more is eerily similar to the five people you spend the most time with.

On a scale from 1-10, 1 being “very unsatisfied” and 10 being “living the dream life” I want you to rate where your five closest friends would fall on this scale when considered as a whole (not as individuals.) If you can, try to take the emotion out of this exercise. Don’t feel “bad” if you give your peer group a low score, they won’t know how you scored them unless you tell them, silly!

So try to be as honest as you can and don’t worry about being “judge-y”! (Remember, you should examine your relationships this closely anyway! You want to be surrounded by those who lift you up, not bring you down!)

Annual Income 1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8 9

“Broke as a joke”

10

“Hangin’ with Sir Richard Branson” Romantic Relationship

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

“Their life consists of scenes from the movie “The BreakUp”

10 “Happily Ever After”

Physical health/Well-being 1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

Peter Griffin

10 Jillian Michaels

Career Satisfaction 1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

“Mondays make me physically ill”

10 “My work is my PASSION”

Mental/Emotional Well-being 1 “Total basket case”

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

“happy as a clam & zen as the Buddha

You can probably pretty easily see where your closest friends and family fall on average, but let’s go ahead and get the exact average of what we will lovingly refer to as your friends’ “Life Satisfaction Score.” Take all 5 scores, add them up, and divide by 5, and write the overall score here: _________.

Is it higher than you expected? Lower? Approximately what you thought it would be?

Now I want you to take the quiz again, but this time score yourself!

Annual Income 1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8 9

“Broke as a joke”

10

“Hangin’ with Sir Richard Branson” Romantic Relationship

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

“Their life consists of scenes from the movie “The BreakUp”

10 “Happily Ever After”

Physical health/Well-being 1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

Peter Griffin

10 Jillian Michaels

Career Satisfaction 1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

“Mondays make me physically ill”

10 “My work is my PASSION”

Mental/Emotional Well-being 1 “Total basket case”

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

“happy as a clam & zen as the Buddha

Add all 5 of your scores up, divide by 5, and write your average score here: _________. How do you feel about your score? Are you happy with it or do you wish it were higher?

Section #5

Your Money & Your Time

www.StephaniePodgor.com www.Facebok.com/StephaniePodgor

Is your score pretty similar to the score of your peer group? Most likely it is! If it isn’t, you are probably not being honest with yourself about who you are spending the most time with. For example, you may only be including people you see in person or people you’d consider “close friends”, but did you include the friend you text with every day, the coworkers you always grab lunch with, or the people you interact with daily on social media?

See, “spending time” does not only mean who you see face to face, it means the people you expose yourself to on a regular basis. Through constant exposure these people have a massive impact on your life! In this ultraconnected digital world, we are able to spend LOTS of time with people we wouldn’t have been able to in the past due to distance. This is why we need to be extremely careful to manage who we expose ourselves to, because our lives will mirror their lives...for better or worse!

Luckily for me,

many of my closest friends fall towards the higher end of the “Life Satisfaction Scale”! This is a very purposeful choice and I am always striving to include more people in my inner circle who are “playing the game of life” at a high level. However, since my goal is to live an EXTRAORDINARY life, I also make sure to include people in my inner circle that are playing the game of life at a WAY higher level than me! How do I do this?

I listen to podcasts by motivational speakers, I watch YouTube videos by massively successful coaches, I read the books of accomplished authors and gurus, I follow millionaires and fitness fanatics on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, I absorb blogs by experts in the fields of self-love and happiness, I attend conferences where I am surrounded by passionate & motivated gogetters, and so much more! You see, even though I don’t know Tony Robbins, Chalene Johnson, Sam Crowley, Marie Forleo, Brendon Burchard, Deepak Chopra, Gabby Bernstein, Jen Sincero, and Lewis Howes personally….we are actually #BFF!! I surround myself with the messages these truly extraordinary people put out to the world every. single. day. I do this because I want their greatness to rub off on me….I want my bank account to mirror their bank accounts, I want my self-image to mirror their self image, I want my physical health to mirror their physical health…. See where I’m going with this?

I don’t want to BE these people, I want their messages to influence me to live MY greatest life. Isn’t that what this whole journey of life is all about anyway? To step into your greatness and become the FABULOUS person you were born to be? I’d like to think so! “Success leaves clues”, but you need to be enthusiastic enough about creating your RIDICULOUSLY AMAZING KICK-ASS LIFE to go find them!

Let me give you an assignment you can implement right now, today, that will help you to begin to surround yourself with life-changing mentors.

First, think of three areas of your life you would LOVE to improve, and then search on YouTube, Amazon.com, or your smartphone Podcast app (“Stitcher” for Android users) for those topics. Notice that I did not mention Google. Although Google can be infinitely helpful in finding what you are looking for, YouTube, Amazon, and podcasts will lead you to people who are serious enough about the topics you want to learn more about that they recorded videos, audios, and wrote books on the topic. For this reason you will be lead to more “thought leaders” in those areas and you can learn from the experts rather than the “hobbyists”.

3 areas I would love to improve in: 1) 2) 3) 3 experts I found on YouTube, Amazon, and on the Podcast app whose videos, books, articles, and emails I can subscribe to to help me improve in these areas: 1) 2) 3)

Another great thing you can do is follow these people on social media. I HIGHLY recommend you dive into some of their content you need to pay for (books, meal guides, online courses, etc.) because that is where you will get the best, most comprehensive step by step information; but experts usually tend to share a lot of info for free as well!

By surrounding yourself with experts and filling your mind with people who are constantly striving to live their best, happiest, most fun-filled and and vibrant lives, YOU will be encouraged to do the same! Then, almost as if by “magic”, you will start attracting more people into your life that want to live their lives in this way, and before you know it your life starts to completely transform for the better.

I’m not going to lie to you though, in order to start adding more positive people and their awesome teachings into your life you are going to have to make time for it. You will need to start re-directing some of your time away from “low-vibration” activities (meaning things that do not raise your energy level such as TV watching, listening to music radio stations, scrolling social media, etc.) to these “higher vibration” (learning) activities. I’m not saying you can’t participate in “low vibration” activities. Not at all! I’m all for rocking out in the car to your favorite tune! But you must start shifting some of the time you would have spent on these activities to learning from your new mentors (or as you should start thinking of them, BFF’s!) By doing this you don’t have to come up with any “new time” in your already busy schedule to grow and learn from these experts.

For example, two or three days a week listen to an educational podcast on your commute to work instead of the radio. Instead of watching your favorite sitcoms every evening pick one or two nights a week to watch a webinar or YouTube video about a topic you are interested in. Choose to pick up a book on happiness practices, improving relationships, or how to improve your sleep instead of scrolling social media before bed. By making these simple switches, you are not “adding more” to your plate, you are simply re-allocating some of your time to more life-enhancing activities.

If this sounds really painful to you, you have to ask yourself, “Is the pain of change more or less than the pain of staying the same?�

What will hurt more or fill you with more regret, change or staying the same? If staying the same feels like it would hurt more, you owe it to yourself to go through the pain of change and experience how things will feel on the other side.

So go ahead and write out your plan now and try to stick to it! How many days per week will you commit to exposing yourself to this new information? Will you do it on specific days? What time works best for you, morning, afternoon, or evening? How many minutes per day can you allocate for reading, listening, watching, and implementing this new knowledge? Can you find an accountability buddy to do this with you?

What positive changes do you think will come out of these experiences that will keep you excited and motivated during this journey?

JOURNALING

I can’t tell if I’ve saved the best or the worst topics for last! They are the best because they are the two most precious and sought after commodities in the world. They are the “worst” because no two topics in the world give rise to as much emotion as time and money!

In the very beginning of this book we examined your beliefs and mindset related to time and money. Hopefully that exercise was very eye-opening for you. We talked about some ways to change your mindset about any topic in general, but in this section we are specifically going to focus on changing your beliefs about time and money from feelings of lack to feelings of abundance!

Take a moment to revisit the beliefs you wrote about Time and Money now. I am willing to guess, if you grew up anything like me, that many of your beliefs are negative and holding you back. Mine definitely were! To be honest with you, I still struggle with some of those negative beliefs because they were so deeply ingrained in me! However, there is hope because the first step in creating major change is awareness; the second step is taking small, daily action to change your mindset!

The first set of beliefs we are going to alter are your beliefs about time. Have you ever said things like: “There’s never enough time in the day” “I don’t have time for that” “This is such a waste of time”

Or anything else that indicates time is scarce and you will never have enough of it for the things that are important? I know I have! Remember the old adage I referred to earlier in this book: “Thoughts become words, words become actions, and actions become your reality”? If you tell yourself all the time how scarce your time is, what else could manifest in your reality? Nothing but a scarcity of time!

I found an article on runrunlive.com that addresses scarcity and abundance mindsets in regards to time perfectly. The author says:

“It affects us emotionally too. We feel the scarcity as emotional stress. A feeling of wanting, of never having enough. It can create sadness for all the things we don’t have time for, for opportunities lost. It can create jealousy; why do those jerks get the time to take their family on a cruise?

It impacts the way we work, the way we make decisions and the way we deal with the world. An attitude of time scarcity leads us to make decisions that are weighted to the short term. Why save money for the future? Why pass up that donut now? Why not just give them the discount so we can get the deal?

IT MAKES NO SENSE. IT’S LIKE A FARMER DIGGING UP THEIR SEEDS BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO TIME TO GROW CROPS.” First, figure out what “extra” time you have outside of the primary commitments on your plate. You can do this by subtracting the tamount of hours you spend on these “necessary” tasks from 168 because there are 168 hours in a week.

Subtract from 168: -The amount of sleep you get per night (which is hopefully no less than 7-8 hours per night...if it’s not, factor in 7 hours per night minimum because you need to be getting enough sleep!)

-The amount of hours you spend at work -The amount of time you commute to and from work -Anything else that is a “must do” or a “non-negotiable” in your daily/weekly calendar

The number of hours you are left with is the amount of “flexible time” you have during the week. (Make sure to include your weekend time too!) Also remember that anything else that is a “must do” are things that are flexible; meaning even though you have to spend time doing them you can decide how much time you need to spend and when. For example, yes you need to cook but you can spend an hour or two on the weekends planning your meals and doing some advanced prep (or picking things that need minimal prep) so you don’t have to spend hours planning and cooking during the week. If you need to give your children baths 4 times per week, you can decide that bath time is a 30 minute event only and do not allow your kids to drag it out 45 minutes to an hour.

Decide to spend 20-30 minutes straightening the house at the end of each day so you don’t have to spend as much time on the weekend (or save yourself even more time and allocate money in your budget for a housekeeper!) How you spend your time is a reflection of your priorities. If you feel you are not spending enough time doing the things that are most important to you, it’s time to sit down and reevaluate so you spend more time on your top priorities!

I once learned from the great Chalene Johnson in her online “30 Day Push” program that you should make your To-Do list, but then select a MAXIMUM of THREE top priorities per day that you must do, and those are the only things you focus on during that day.

If you get those things done, you can consider it a successful day! Then the next day you choose another three you must get done. By doing this, your mile-long To-Do list doesn’t control you, but instead you control IT! If something doesn’t absolutely HAVE TO get done that day then don’t “waste” your precious energy stressing about it and trying to get a million things done!

The final thought I will leave you with about time is this, you need to change what you tell yourself about time to change your mindset about time. So every time the anxious thoughts start creeping into your head saying “I don’t have enough time to do all this!”, stop yourself, take a breath, and remind yourself of the truth. YOU set your priorities. YOU decide what needs to get done, and you have an ABUNDANCE of time. Start telling yourself this everyday, or every moment thoughts of time scarcity pop into your head. Close your eyes and say out loud “I have an abundance of time.”

For more great ideas and resources about how to live a life of time abundance, check out these articles: Time Scarcity versus Time Abundance on runrunlive.com How to go from Time Management to Time Abundance by Avis Jones-DeWeever on huffingtonpost.com

Take some time now to solidify these new thoughts and practices regarding time abundance through journaling. What new practices can you implement to realize you control time and not the other way around? Will you create To-Do lists and select your top three daily priorities? Will your purchase a day planner that helps you get organized? What simple mantra will you tell yourself when the thought “I don’t have enough time” pops up in your head?

JOURNALING

Now let’s jump into the most sensitive, emotional, gut-wrenching, joy-giving, sadness-inducing, life-consuming topic there is: MONEY. I am NOT going to pretend to be a money expert. Far, far from it! But, I have learned some very life-changing money strategies from top financial experts that I think you will find very insightful, so of course I would like to share them with you! Remember, the goal of this book is to give you simple strategies and practices you can start using today to transform your life. I want you to feel happier, healthier, more vibrant, energized, full of love, excited about life, and free! One of the BIGGEST ways you can do that is by taking control of your beliefs about money and how you manage money. By proactively taking control (instead of ignoring your bank account until you are so stressed about your finances you may have a heart attack) you will feel happier, lessstressed, and maybe even excited about your abundant financial future!

The first thing we need to address (again) are your beliefs about money. I want you to write down (you can even copy your answers from the beginning of this book) all of your money beliefs. For most of us these are statements like:

Money doesn’t grow on trees.

Money is the root of all evil.

People who have money are greedy and selfish.

Because some people have a lot of money that means there is less for me.

Money is hard to come by.

You have to work hard for money.

Money changes who you are as a person.

It is evil to desire more money...I should be grateful for what I have and not ask for more.

Rich people are greedy.

After you write each belief, leave at least a blank line or two following to write the second part of this assignment. Even write down how you feel when you think of “rich” people or “wealthy” people. Do you feel positively towards them or do you cringe a little?

JOURNALING

JOURNALING

Take the time now to write out those beliefs and feel free to copy some of the examples I provided if they resonate with you.

Now before we move on to part x2, which is eradicating these beliefs, I’m going to tell you WHY it is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY for your to change your beliefs about money if you ever want to experience a life of financial abundance and freedom.

I’m about to reference that saying again...you ready for it? Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, and your actions become your reality.” Do I sound like a broken record yet??

How will you EVER obtain the wealth you desire to live the life you’ve always pictured for yourself if you believe that money is the root of all evil and that getting your hands on any significant amount is a struggle?? Simple answer: You won’t. You won’t allow yourself to accumulate any kind of wealth because you have too many negative feelings associated with money and the people who possess it.

And for the people who believe it is more “holy” or “pure” not to have an abundance of money….let me ask you a question; Who are you helping by being broke? Who in your life can you help when you can hardly help yourself? The answer is NO ONE! The first thing an abundance of money can give you is TIME FREEDOM. If you go into business for yourself or get involved in investments and business opportunities that help you build wealth, that is almost always coupled with an increased ability to control your TIME. Let’s say someone in your family comes down with a serious illness and suddenly needs full time care. If you are tied to a job that sucks up your time and keeps you barely over broke, how can you help this family member? Even if you have an abundance of money that is tied to a specific job where you have to clock in and out, you might be the family member who can assist with paying for home and/or hospital care for a loved one. Or what if, God-forbid, something happened to one of your children and you had to take care of them full time because attending school was not an option for them? If you are completely broke what do you do?

When you are broke, are you able to donate to the charities nearest and dearest to your heart?

Can you spend a significant amount of time working with philanthropic organizations?

Can you help support loved ones in need? Or do you need to spend all of your time “working hard” for a paycheck that barely covers your bills and leaves you feeling stressed, broke, and out of options?

For most people I know personally and grew up with, their lives are filled with financial struggle as opposed to freedom and abundance. It is not their fault...for most of them negative beliefs about money were deeply engrained in them before they even knew what happened! I’m not trying to place blame on anyone here, but what I am trying to say is now that you have been educated, and you know that abundance is within your control, you cannot pretend to be ignorant anymore. Now is the time to take ACTION and to DO something about it!

According to the beautiful and intelligent Lisa Nichols, “Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it buys you better memories.” Another thing that money buys you?

CHOICES. OPTIONS. FREEDOM.

When you don’t have to trade your time for money you have the freedom to live your life according to YOUR top priorities...and isn’t that all we really want anyway? Freedom?

So now that I’ve (hopefully) convinced you that it is not only a good thing to have an abundance of money, it is something you should strive for daily, let’s revisit the beliefs you wrote down about money. I want you to cross out, meaning put a big, fat line through, every single one of those beliefs and I want you to write the exact opposite of that belief right under it. For example, if you wrote “Money is the root of all evil” you need to write “Money is a blessing and can be used for good if I choose to use it for good”.

If you wrote “Rich people are greedy” you need to write “Rich people are generous” or “I am rich and I am generous.” You need to re-write the statements in the present tense and you need to write them with positive wording. It would not be helpful for you to write, “Money is not the root of all evil”, you need to write statements that stir up a positive emotion in you. Make sense? Alright, take a moment now to stop reading and re-write those empowering money beliefs that draw money to you in abundance!

The second money tool I am going to teach you is something very concrete you can (and should) start implementing right away! It is a brilliant budgeting system known as the “JARS system.” This system, when followed correctly, will completely change your habits around money, allow room in your budget to get the bills paid AND have some fun, and start working on investing for your future financial freedom!

I learned about the JARS system when attending T. Harv Eker’s weekend seminar called “The Millionaire Mind Intensive.”

I know that sounds like a “frou-frou” title, but they gave us very concrete practices we could implement immediately!

It is a conference I firmly believe ANYONE who wants to stop struggling and start thriving should attend!

I will explain the JARS system for you briefly in this book, but I highly recommend you read Eker’s book Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, attend his seminar “Millionaire Mind Intensive” (it’s free!), and visit harveker.com for even more in-depth info about how to break the trend of financial struggle in your family!

The JARS system is a way of budgeting your income for different life expenses using physical glass jars. You can use envelopes or cans or whatever container you’d like to hold your money, but this tends to work best when you can physically “see” your money in the jars. (Full disclosure, in this digital world with so many bills to pay online, my husband and I used 6 different bank accounts in place of the “jars” to separate our money into the different categories. If that’s what works best for you, you can do that as well, but you MUST use 6 separate accounts.)

The reason you need six jars or six checking accounts is because you will be splitting up any and all money that comes into your possession six ways.

You will have an account for:

6 JARS

1 . Necessities 2 . Long-term Savings for Spending- (LTSS) 3. Play 4. Education 5. Financial Freedom Account 6 . Giving

1. Necessities- (NEC) this is 55% of your income and covers things like bills, rent, food, gas, and other expenses you incur to live your day to day life. The expenses covered by this account should be things you truly deem “necessary”, not just things you “want”.

2. Long-term Savings for Spending- (LTSS) this is 10% of your income and it is basically a “deferred” spending account.

It is money you save up with the intention to use it for a vacation, home purchase, car purchase, or other big ticket item you would need to save for.

3. Play- this is 10% of your income and can also be referred to as your “fun” money. It is to be used for entertainment or purchasing something fun/luxurious/”unnecessary” for yourself that will bring you joy. The catch is you are COMMITTED to spending this money by the end of every month!! The purpose behind that is to start teaching ourselves it is not only “okay” to treat ourselves but it is a requirement! Sometimes we need to do things that are “just for fun” and not feel even a little bit guilty about it! (If absolutely necessary for a bigger-ticket item you can save the money in this account for up to 3 months, but not any longer than that before you blow it!)

4. Education- this is 10% of your income and is allocated for coaching, going back to school, books, conferences, online academies, and anything else you feel will educate you on a topic that helps you learn, grow, and reach your goals. (Personal note: when funds are tight this can seem like an easy account to skip, but DON’T skip it! If you follow this system correctly you will get to the point where you want/need to take a course on Real Estate Investing or How to Become an Online Marketer and you won’t want to use your Financial Freedom or LTSS money to cover the costs!

Also, I firmly believe if we are not learning and growing we are dying, so use this money to go to a knitting conference, become a certified yoga instructor, or learn about something else that lights you up inside! Whatever you do, please make a promise to yourself and me that you WILL use this money to LEARN something new!)

5. Financial Freedom Account- (FFA) this account is 10% of your income and is strictly for investing in passive income streams.

Passive income is money you do not trade your time for; you set it up once and check in on your investments but money comes in even if you are not directly “working for it” at that time. Examples of this are investing in stocks, owning real estate, becoming an affiliate for a company online, or anything else that can be “automated” to earn money with minimal time investment.

6. Giving- this account is 5% of your income and is for charitable donations, philanthropic projects, and helping those in need. You can choose to donate to whatever people or organizations personally resonate with you. The idea behind this is that your life will be more spiritually fulfilling and financially abundant when you make it a regular practice to give some of your income away to those in need. Remember, we cannot manifest more money into our lives if we hold onto it with such a tight fist! We need to practice our new money beliefs fully and give generously, even if what “generously” means for us at the moment is $1 to the homeless shelter or the “goodwill” offering at your church. Giving is giving, regardless of the exact dollar amount.

This model of money allocation, when followed correctly, has completely changed people’s lives for the better! Your expenses are covered while you are saving for a bright future and having some fun at the same time!! You might have to cut back on your fun a bit so it fits into your 10% piece of pie, but you can still have fun!

Like T. Harv Eker says, it doesn’t matter how little money you have to start, just get started! If all you can divide amongst your jars right now is $1, then divide up $1. The important principle here is to get into the the habit of good money practices! If you mismanage a small amount of money, you will mismanage a large amount of money; having more money does not mean you will suddenly become a master at money management...it is a skill you need to work on

now.

Take this time to start writing down your thoughts and ideas about following a budget/the JARS system. Have you followed a budget before? How did you do? Do you like the JARS system? What do you think will be challenging about implementing this type of budgeting system? What do you think will be simple? Are you going to use jars, envelopes, bank accounts, or something else? Is there someone you can think of who would be willing to try the JARS system with you so you have an accountability buddy?

Any other initial thoughts about this system?

JOURNALING

I want you to revisit this section of the book after your first month of following the JARS system. What is going well? What are you struggling with? Are you feeling encouraged or are you feeling overwhelmed? Did you find an accountability buddy to do this with you? If so, how are they doing at following the system? If not, do you think it would be beneficial to get an accountability buddy now? What do you think you will eventually use your Education money on? How did you decide to spend your Play money?

Any thoughts on investing your Financial Freedom Account in the future?

JOURNALING

Like I stated earlier in this section, money is the source of much of the stress, pain, and anxiety people experience, but it doesn’t have to be this way. By changing our beliefs and attitudes about money (which is no small feat!) and taking proactive control over how we handle our money, we can turn our relationship with money from one filled with turmoil to one filled with joyful expectation, peace, and abundance! This book just gives you a small *taste* of what is possible. I strongly encourage you to do much more mindset work in regards to money. Say positive affirmations about it. Meditate about abundance. Speak about money in a positive way. Connect with wealthy people and get to know them and what they do. If you are like most people, changing your relationship with money may take some time and it may be a bumpy journey, but I can promise you it will be 100% worth the effort!

Section #5

Creating Lasting Change

www.StephaniePodgor.com www.Facebok.com/StephaniePodgor

We have come to the last section of this book, and I hope by now you are feeling inspired, empowered, and ready to squeeze EVERY LAST DROP out of this amazing journey we call life!! We’ve talked about a lot of things, had some hard conversations, and come to some tough realizations, but I hope you are feeling excited about this new chapter!

One thing I definitely do not want you to feel is overwhelmed. However, if you are feeling a little overwhelmed, that’s okay! The last section of this book is solely dedicated to helping you make changes that stick and doing it in a way that keeps you sane! So here are my five tips to help you create lasting change.

Tip #1: So how do you start to make lasting change when you feel you need to work on your mindset, finances, relationships, spirit, health and EVERYTHING all at once?!?

The answer is you DON’T do everything all at once! Pick one section of this book, just one, to dive into really deep, and “perfect” that area of your life as much as you can. No, I am not asking you to achieve “perfection” here...such a thing does not exist! I am asking you to get to a place where you feel happy, confident, and peaceful about that particular area of your life. It is *your* version of “perfect”, not anyone else’s. Remember, this book is not going anywhere!

You bought it! It’s yours for life to refer back to as many times as you want, baby! So DO NOT feel like this is your one-and-only-chance-to-get-EVERYTHING-right-becauseyou-only-have-this-one-precious-life-and-you-don’twant-to-miss-the-boat-and-everyone-else-is-going-towhizz-right-past-you-while-achieving-their-goalsand….ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!

That would be an anxious response (living in the future) and operating on the belief that you lack time (when you now know you actually have an abundance of time) so just breathe and take this journey One. Step. At. A. Time.

Am I able to make one teeny suggestion though? If you are unsure where to start when it comes to transforming into this new kick-ass you, may I suggest you start with the Mindset and Beliefs section? From my experience, absolutely everything in your life starts with mindset. Your mindset is what will determine if you will actually go for your dream job, experience a passionate relationship with your spouse, earn an abundance of money, and finally achieve the health and energy you desire. Your mindset will determine whether you live this life filled with joy, peace, love, and excitement or uncertainty, fear, sadness, and regret.

Mindset Is Everything.

So if you are unsure where to start, I would definitely recommend you start there!

Tip #2: This tip should be pretty obvious by now because I’ve had you do it throughout the book: WRITE. SHIT. DOWN!!

Seriously! There are so many adorable journals and planners, blogs, trackers, apps and notepads you can use! Personally, when it comes to goal setting and lifetransformation exercises, I recommend that you take pen (or pencil) to paper. There is something special about that “mind to hand to paper” connection that makes your goals and thoughts feel so authentically you. So I highly recommend you go back and utilize the journal portions of this book (if you haven’t yet) or pop over to your local Target or browse Amazon.com and get a notebook that speaks to you. Make it one you are excited to write in every day!

The other important part of the journaling process is re-reading what you wrote.

Things like goals and affirmations should be read daily. Thoughts and musings about your progress can be read weekly or monthly. No matter how you do it, make sure you go back and look at where you’ve come from. Sometimes reading your transformation through your own words can be the most powerful force driving your forward!

Tip #3: Get a coach or accountability partner that won’t let you off the hook! This tip is NECESSARY and POWERFUL because it gets other people invested in your dreams! Now, if you start to slip up, the people you declared your goals to should (hopefully) check in with you and call you out if you fall off the wagon.

This is where surrounding yourself with people playing at a higher level than you such as a coach or mentor (or at least people who are striving for greatness in different areas of their lives) can really propel your forward in a BIG way! The best personal example I can give you? This very book you are reading right now!!

I declared to my husband and to my good friend and fellow kick-ass entrepreneur (who actually created the STUNNING design for this book) that I would release this book by a certain date. I told them to hold me to it, and every step of the way my husband was checking in with me and would ask me about my progress. I was lucky enough to have my husband as an accountability partner because he fully believes in and supports my goals. My friend and co-creator Catherine would text me excitedly about where I was at with the book and was gracious enough to have “check in video calls” with me. During our calls she would help me brainstorm, come up with to-do lists, and was my personal cheerleader and sounding board! Having these two people so intimately connected to this project was a key ingredient to getting over my excuses and making it happen! I can guarantee you this book would still be an idea floating in my head instead of a reality if it weren’t for my accountability partners!

I TRULY CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. ACCOUNTABILITY AND COACHING IS KEY! Surround yourself with support. Pay someone to help you breakthrough to the next part of your journey. Even the top leaders and CEO’s in this world have coaches and accountability buddies. No one is an island. No one expects you to go through massive transformation by yourself. So don’t do it! Hire a coach. Partner with a mentor. Grab some like-minded friends, share your goals with them, and get ready to go even further than you ever dreamed possible!!

Tip #4: Immerse yourself in Personal Development. I’ve talked about this several times throughout the book. Why? Because there is not ONE THING that has been more life-changing for me than constantly (and I mean daily) exposing myself to personal development!! Just to remind you of the different types of personal development you can access, there are books, articles, blogs, webinars, podcasts, online courses, therapy sessions, YouTube videos, live videos, seminars, conferences, meet-ups, classes and so much more!

Personal Development is NOT the kind of learning you do about how to run a brick and mortar business, how to improve a specific “tangible” skill (like auto-mechanics or web design), or learning a language. Personal Development is INTERNAL mental and emotional growth that helps you change as a person.

Personal Development can be anything that helps you become happier, healthier, a better partner, friend, or leader, become more vulnerable and open-minded, more confident, less stressed, or more at peace. It is anything that helps you listen to your intuition, pursue your dreams, strengthen your resolve, increase your consciousness, and live life on your terms.

Personal Development is the lifelong practice of exposing yourself to people and resources that help you transform into the person you are meant to become.

Did you catch the caveat there? Personal Development is a lifelong process; meaning as long as you are breathing, the work will never be done. You will never “arrive” as a human and be handed a diploma for achieving the “ultimate level of happiness”. To me, this is an exciting thought because I know I will forever be growing and changing, and there will always be higher heights to reach in different areas of my life.

Remember, it is not necessary to change many areas all at once; you will most likely enter different seasons of your life at various times. You may go through a season of needing to grow as a spouse or partner, and later realize it is time to focus internally on eliminating stress and anxiety.

Diving into the world of Personal Growth and Development is the best gift you could ever give yourself because it helps pull you out of your slump when motivation is lacking. There is always a quote, article, or video you can find that will reignite the fire within you and remind you of WHY you are on this journey in the first place. If PD is new to you, don’t fight it, don’t resist it...just accept that it is a NECESSARY part of your growth. It will help you achieve goals even bigger than you originally imagined and faster than you could ever accomplish them on your own!

Tip #5: FORGIVE YOURSELF. Personal transformation is the most rewarding and most challenging thing you will ever do. There will be many days where you slip up and want to give up. This is where forgiveness will be instrumental to your success.

NO ONE is perfect.

NO ONE gets it right 100% of the time.

EVERYONE fails, but it is through our failures we learn what we are truly made of. Falling down flat on your face and experiencing a “failure” does not make YOU a failure.

You are only a failure when you choose not to get back up.

There is no timeline for this journey. You are not in a race. The only person you are trying to be better than is the person you were yesterday. That may be a cliché statement but it doesn’t make it any less true. DO NOT live your life in such a way that when your final days are here you will be filled with regret because you let the fear of failure or judgement control you.

I recently read a very short but powerful story from I Believe in You highlighted in the book Where will you be five years from today? It brought me to tears and changed my life in a single moment, and I’d like to share that story with you now.

“An elderly man, in the final days of his life, is lying in bed alone. He awakens to see a large group of people clustered around his bed. Their faces are loving, but sad. Confused, the old man smiles weakly and whispers, “You must be my childhood friends come to say good-bye. I am so grateful.” Moving closer, the tallest figure gently grasps the old man’s hand and replies, “Yes, we’re your best and oldest friends, but long ago you abandoned us. For we are the unfulfilled promises of your youth. We are the unrealized hopes, dreams, and plans that you once felt deeply in your heart, but never pursued. We are the unique talents you never refined, the special gifts that you never discovered. Old friend, we have not come to comfort you, but to die with you.”

Although this story is fictional, it is also profoundly real. We know it is, because we can feel the physical twinge of sadness in our hearts imagining that this man could be us at the end of our lives. His story could be our story if we don’t get over our fears, forgive ourselves, and move forward even when we are uncertain of the path.

Do not let this happen. You can have the happy ending, if only you are willing to choose it.

I will leave you with this final thought: You are Meant for Greatness.

You are meant to live a life of abundant bliss, excitement, love, peace, power, beauty and passion. The only one who can rob you of this incredible life is you.

Love yourself enough to step out of your own way and into the magnificent life you know you are capable of living.

It is possible. You deserve it.

If there was ever a quote to live your life by, live it is this one: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

-Marianne Williamson ( If the word “God” does not resonate with you, feel free to replace it with “The Universe” or whatever higher power speaks to you. )