Amba3 1print2

VOLUME 3 ISSUE 1 MARCH 2008

CHRIS REASON

New twin dad on the block

DADS IN FOCUS

Bumper ďŹ rst time full colour issue!

AMBA GOES RETAIL!

With the launch of its online store

THE HAYWIRE

Professor David Hay enlightens us on stay-at-home dads

PLUS

Celebrity dad panel, research, book reviews, competitions and much more!

PRINT POST APPROVED 349077-00031 ambavol3_1single.indd 1

11/3/08 9:54:13 PM

INSIDE

THIS ISSUE 3 From the Chair 4 From the Editor 5 Cover Story

PATRON

Chris Reason: new twin dad on the block

7 Stay-at-home Dads Three families share their stories

9 The Hay Wire

Home or away?

Ann Marie Harli Cathy Carmody Pat Stewart OAM (dec), Joan Walden, Lyndy Booth OAM, Anne Corrigan (dec), Jenny Noonan and Judy O’Rourke Professor David Hay MA, PhD, BFA, MA.Ps.S

OUR MISSION To function as an effective network to support multiple birth families.

OUR VISION To be the leading resource in Australia for multiple birth families in terms of social support, literature and educational information.

OUR OBJECTIVE To be a volunteer association established and maintained by multiple birth parents to support multiple birth parents.

12 Raising Multiples

In regional Australia

13 14 15 19 20 22

CHAIRPERSON SECRETARY LIFE MEMBERS

AMBA Online Store

CORE VALUES Providing support to others from shared personal experience.

Providing a high standard of service and information to our members.

Effective teamwork.

Psychology Competitions Celebrity Panel

WE AIM TO . . .

Be a not-for-profit, non-political and nonsectarian organisation.

Provide social support to parents and carers of multiple birth children.

Provide educational information to parents and carers of multiple birth children.

Provide access to literature on issues specific to multiple births.

Use our knowledge to highlight the many aspects of parenting multiples.

Promote community awareness of the unique needs of multiple birth families.

Improve the resources available to multiple birth families.

Cooperation with national & international organisations having related interests.

Tips and Tricks 2008 Directory

TESY OF O COUR ICIT Y T O H P CO V E R S E V E N P U B L EL CHANN

INSIDE THIS ISSUE ! Chris Reason tells it like it really is, three Dads share their experiences, life in remote Australia is very different and much more including the new AMBA online store.

AMBA MAGAZINE is published by the Australian Multiple Birth Association (AMBA).

Address: PO Box 105 Coogee NSW 2034 | Telephone: 1300 886 499 Email: magazine@amba.org.au | Website: www.amba.org.au ALL ENQUIRIES | Please address all enquiries to the Editor at magazine@amba.org.au

EDITOR : Catherine Harding

|

DESIGN AND LAYOUT : Young Creations

DISCLAIMER : This publication is copyright. No article may be reproduced without the permission of the publisher and/or the author/s. The views expressed in AMBA Magazine are not necessarily those of the Australian Multiple Birth Association and the publication of an advertisement within this magazine is not necessarily an endorsement of the advertiser nor of the products and/or services advertised. AMBA reserves the right to withdraw or cancel an advertisement which is not deemed in keeping with the aims of AMBA. While all care is taken, AMBA does not take responsibility for advertisements containing incorrect information or for advertisements failing to appear as scheduled.

ambavol3_1single.indd 2

11/3/08 9:54:18 PM

From the Chair ...

by Ann Marie Harli

Hi everyone, welcome to another issue of the AMBA magazine. The hard working volunteers of AMBA produce this magazine for you, because we all feel that it is an important tool to connect the entire AMBA community.

Whether you belong to a large metropolitan club in NSW or a small rural club in WA, we all share the joys and challenges of a multiple birth family. Our families are diverse and while we all understand the importance of the role of multiple birth mothers, this edition celebrates supportive fathers in the multiple birth family.

Providing that support at the national level is also a challenge. The AMBA Board has just held a strategic planning meeting in Victoria to discuss and determine the future direction of AMBA. It is an opportunity to do the “big picture� thinking and look at ways to best provide

ambavol3_1single.indd 3

services for all multiple birth families. I was so impressed by the dedication and ability of the volunteers on the AMBA Board over this weekend, and would like to thank the attendees for all their hard work, and Kayleen who opened up her home for our meetings.

I am also looking forward to the State AGMs and seminars. I will be visiting those that I am able to attend, and know that I will learn a great deal at each one. I would encourage everyone who can to attend his or her State AGM and seminar. It’s a wonderful opportunity to learn and share information and experiences.

Wishing everyone happy Multiple Birth Awareness Week!

Ann Marie Harli

11/3/08 9:54:19 PM

Multiple Mayhem KINDY CAPERS

From the Editor ...

by Catherine Harding

Welcome to the fifth issue of our ever-expanding magazine. This issue is jam-packed full of stories about the often forgotten half in the partnership, the DADs. Andrew Greenfield has answers for a couple of new tricky multiple questions, David has written a wonderful penultimate Haywire for us. This issue also sees the introduction of our new column, the Celebrity Panel. There is also a story about life in remote Australia.

In our feature article, we talk to three very different dads all of whom are doing the stay-at-home parent role. I am very blessed in my household to have a fantastic supportive husband who shares the parenting 50/50 with me and I am able to work on his days off (my choice) so we are lucky enough to be able to avoid the need of formalised childcare.

If you move house, remember to change your address with your club because we get your details from your clubs.

Thanks to everyone who has contributed to this issue and don’t forget this magazine belongs to you and we love to receive your feedback, stories and photos.

If there is an issue you would like us to cover or you have a great idea for a story, please send them through to magazine@amba.org.au.

Bye for now...

Catherine Harding

I sat down with my 3 year old girls Abbey and Lauren to debrief the first week of Kindy. It went something like this:

GOT A FUNNY STORY TO SHARE OR WANT TO SEND A LETTER TO THE EDITOR? Email us at magazine@amba.org.au

Do you like Kindy?

Yeah.

SLEEP DEPRIVATION RESULTS IN GENDER CONFUSION?

Are there any other twins at Kindy?

Nobody else has a twin sister, they are all sad. Mrs Ruth doesn’t have a twin sister either, she must be sad too but she looked happy!

I’m sure I’m not the only one, but in the early days of my new life with twins (boy/girl), I’m sure I went through most days on autopilot due to severe lack of sleep.

One night, quite late, I got a baby out of their cot as they started to grizzle for a feed and quickly moved into the lounge so as not to wake the rest of the family, especially their twin, as I was not quite organised or experienced enough to feed them both at once.

The first to wake was my son, so I changed him, fed him, settled him, and some 45 minutes later slid back into bed for a brief rest before my next ‘shift’.

I had only just fallen asleep (which never took long in those days) when Twin No. 2 started to grizzle.

With eyes slightly apart and in dim light, I picked up the baby, took her to the lounge, and started to feed. She, surprisingly, didn’t take a full feed, and seemed quite restless.

I decided I needed to change her before attempting a feed again, and took off her clothes and then her nappy. Even then I didn’t quite focus, and it was not until I felt a strange ‘lump’ under my hand as I wiped that I realised I had ‘accidentally’ picked up my son, again.

Returning him to his bed, my daughter, now wide awake, was then given her feed.

What were the helpers’ names?

Cathy and Tash’s Mum (there is always a mum on roster as the teacher’s helper).

When does Mummy get to be helper?

You are too young Mummy, all the other mummies are much older (I swear I did not bribe them to say that!)

Did you like the craft at Kindy?

You need to take Mrs Ruth shopping for new paint, she doesn’t have any pink paint and I tried to make it by mixing blue and brown yukky colours but I couldn’t get pink.

Did you have a nice lunch?

Mrs Ruth puts the yummiest things in our lunch boxes (umm your Mummy slaved all night making sure your lunch was perfect!); you should ask her how she makes her sandwiches!

What did you learn at Kindy?

Mrs Ruth did not teach me how to spell my name, I already know how to do that, I don’t think I need to go to Kindy anymore as I know everything.

Can’t wait to see what they think about next week !

Peta, Perth and Districts Multiple Birth Assocation

Leigh, Ooter Easter MBA (Vic)

4 | AMBA MAGAZINE ambavol3_1single.indd 4

11/3/08 9:54:21 PM

C O V E R S TO R Y

Chris Reason shares his two more reasons to celebrate Chris Reason ... shares with AMBA magazine

C

hris Reason is a News Correspondent for Channel Seven. During his career as a journalist he has covered events such as the Bosnian War, the Estonian ferry disaster and the Kobe earthquake in Japan. He has also fought two battles with cancer.

Nothing, however, quite prepared him for the most rewarding job of all, fatherhood.

Chris Reason and his wife Kathryn Robinson became parents to boy/girl twins in August 2007.

So their twins Sam and Lucy are now six months old and they are enjoying them. We recently were lucky enough to have the opportunity to put a series of questions to this new dad. Chris has been generous enough to answer these with an amazing honesty and candour, for which we are grateful. I am sure that everyone will relate to many of Chris’ responses. While it never helps at the time, it is nice to know that others also go through the same things and that you are normal.

How did you survive the first three months?

We almost didn’t! Those initial weeks after the twins were born were by far the most strenuous and demanding in the whole time we’ve known each other. Despite all the preparation, reading, courses, warnings and advice – nothing prepared us for the onslaught of difficulties that Sam and Lucy presented in those early days. It was a relentless regime of feeding, cleaning and settling... then trying to feed, clean and rest ourselves between their demands. My wife

Kath says it was without a doubt the hardest three months of her life. Breastfeeding became a torture after the deterioration into agonising mastitis. There were other complications resulting in Kath’s hospitalisation once as well.

We called in help from everyone, AMBA, Tresillian and finally a baby whisperer. It was certainly an ordeal.

With no disrespect to parents of singletons, multiples are simply more difficult to deal with. There were many long and sleepless nights... with the inevitable arguments between the two of us about whose turn it was to go and try to settle them; then more arguments about the best settling techniques; and then even more arguments and accusations about who was getting it all wrong when the babies wouldn’t sleep.

In fact we have never argued as much as we did during that stressful time. There were many times when we asked ourselves why we had had children and our marriage was also questioned. “I want to be frank and open about this because we found that while people had told us raising babies would be hard, no one had warned us about the stresses our marriage would come under.” It was not all ‘happy families’ with the birth of our multiples... well not in the first three months at least!

So in short, how did we survive?

Three things: 1. A lot of encouragement and support from friends and family (particularly the frozen dinners)

2. The advice from the professional baby whisperer 3. The application of routine!

Routine became our saviour. It was hard work getting Sam and Lucy synchronised but once done, it was like the battlefield fog lifted.

We could finally plan a little more of our lives around them.

What has been the most challenging moment so far?

Apart from the entire experience!

We found that a recent trip to Melbourne tested everything we had in us. My sister was getting married, so not going was not an option. However, the logistics of getting two babies to the airport.

Then once you arrive at the airport, checking in, the actual flight (including enduring the burning eyes of every other passenger) and then the reverse of it all at the other end. “It could become a great reality TV show – move over Amazing Race!”

What does having multiples mean to you?

“Everything in the world, the fact that we have not only multiples but

Chris and Kath with their two reasons !

MARCH 2008 | 5

ambavol3_1single.indd 5

11/3/08 9:54:23 PM

to take whatever might be thrown at them, however stupid. “People seem genuinely excited and interested when they see you have twins. How can you get annoyed with that?” However, Chris does say the number of times you get stopped when out and about can be a little frustrating. “You know that with twins, and their all-important routine, you are working to strict deadlines – the number of random people who come over for a chat can really start to stress you.”

What is the best piece of advice you were given?

I come back to it again – routine.

It’s crucial. Persevere in your attempts to get routine going, the benefits are wonderful.

What is the worst piece of advice?

Top: Sam and Lucy enjoying a day at the beach; Above: Sam (front) and Lucy (back) one of each is just too perfect.” Sam and Lucy are wonderful healthy babies with distinctly different personalities. “For my part I would have been delighted with however many babies we had. We were just so fortunate to have any at all – due to a major battle I had with cancer years earlier. But IVF and my ten-year-old frozen sperm came together and after four rounds, we conceived. I count myself lucky to be alive, and blessed to be a father.

As I’ve said many times, Sam and Lucy are, quite simply, two more Reasons to celebrate.”

What is the annoying thing people comment on about having multiples?

Chris says there are no questions, comments or conduct that they consider annoying. They are happy

“This one is for the expectant fathers. One of my best mates told me whatever I do in the delivery suite, don’t live the moment of the birth through the viewfinder of my camera. I followed that advice, and instead held the camera at eye level and slightly away from my head. I now have a great video of the ceiling of North Shore Private’s birthing suite!”

What is the one piece of equipment you can’t live without?

“My camera! Ever since missing those birth shots I have been trying to make amends!” Chris says it is important to take lots and lots of photos as kids grow ridiculously quickly. “That wonderful little habit, noise or outfit is suddenly the stuff of memories... It’s the digital age, you can delete what you don’t want, but you can’t create what you don’t have”.

Are your multiples close?

Not yet, being so young they are only just becoming aware of each other. “Occasionally touching each other or staring through the bars of their cots, it all looks very cute, but I’m sure it’s nothing more than them wondering if the other has a better blanket.”

How do you combine your work and family commitments?

Chris has recently been lucky enough to join the ranks of stay-at-home dads to spend some time with Sam and Lucy, given that it has been relatively quiet on the news front.

“A friend reminded me that they’ll only be this young once and that I should spend as much time as I can with them. It all sounded honourable at the start, but three weeks into it I’m not so sure! I have a new-found respect for mothers everywhere – especially of twins!”

Chris and Kath will have a challenging few months ahead of them though, with Kath back at work presenting the Early Morning News on Ten (this means up at 3am and at work by 4am!). Chris has a list of overseas assignments coming up also, travelling to Afghanistan, Greece, Europe and then Beijing for the Olympics, so between Chris and Kath they have decided that they will need a nanny to help with all the juggling.

What piece of advice would you give to new or expectant parents?

“Write each other a love letter and present it the night before the birth. Then, in two months, when the arguments are really heated, you can read how your partner really feels about you – you know that ugly phase will pass”.

6 | AMBA MAGAZINE ambavol3_1single.indd 6

11/3/08 9:54:26 PM

FROM THE EDITOR

Stay-at-Home Dads

Three stay-at-home dads share their thoughts

Trevor

Ralph

Colin Children: Abby and Jake (2 yrs) Previous occupation: structural engineer (currently on leave) Wife: Andrea Wife’s occupation: publisher

I

t goes without saying that all parents to multiples are amazing, and that parents who choose to stay at home and raise the children for whatever reason are amazing. Given there is no greater contribution to society than raising children, we should value these amazing parents just a little bit more than we do.

When researching for this story I found that in 1983, only a tiny 2.7% of men aged 15-64 who weren’t in paid employment listed their main activity as childcare/ home duties. By 2003 this had risen to 6.6%. While this is still a tiny proportion of society, it has still tripled in twenty years.

Within the AMBA community I have found that dads, through necessity, are more involved mainly because sometimes mums simply don’t have enough hands. For this article I found three amazing dads who are the primary carers for their children.

Children: Travis (5 yrs), Sienna and Brock (3 yrs) Previous occupation: cash-intransit security and truck driver Wife: Mandie Wife’s occupation: financier

Children: Benjamin (5 yrs), Samuel, Sophie and Isabella (2 yrs) Previous occupation: customs officer, Sydney Airport Wife: Bronwyn Wife’s occupation: customs officer

Everyone has different backgrounds and circumstances, and the reasons for deciding to stay at home and take on the role of primary carer for their children were different in each family. I posed a number of questions to our panel of three dads; it was certainly an eye-opener to me and I hope you enjoy reading about their stories.

trucks part-time. At the moment Colin does not do any paid work but he does organise and run weekend camps for Camp Quality.

Colin’s main source of employment meant that his life was potentially in danger, which was not particularly appealing to him or his wife, Mandie.

It was also a financial decision for Mandie to work and for Colin to stay at home with the kids.

Ralph, prior to doing the swap with his wife Bronwyn, was a Customs Officer at Sydney Airport.

When their triplets were around nine months old Bronwyn, found that she was getting quite depressed being at home and missed being at work. For a short time they investigated the possibility of both of them working, however with the nature of shift work, full-time childcare was not an option. They reviewed both of their long-term career prospects and decided that it would be better for Bronwyn to return to work.

SO WHO ARE THESE DADS? Trevor is a structural engineer who has taken leave for thirteen months. Trevor still does a little bit of paid work from home for his employer. Trevor had always wanted to spend time at home with his children while they were young.

So, with this in mind, Trevor and his wife Andrea planned for her to return to work after twelve months maternity leave. In his own words: “I’ll never get the chance again”.

Colin used to work in cash-intransit security and also drove

MARCH 2008 | 7 ambavol3_1single.indd 7

11/3/08 9:54:29 PM

What sort of support do you have from family?

Most of the families have little or no family support for various reasons, although Ralph and Bronwyn find that now they have moved closer (five minutes away rather than over one hour) they have more offers of babysitting.

And the wider community?

Ralph, Bronwyn and the kids, don’t they look gorgeous all dressed up !

How did people react?

Trevor found that he had a mix of reactions. His female friends were extremely supportive and thought it was great; his male friends were divided; his parents were shocked and his boss thought he was going to resign when he told him they needed to talk. Overwhelmingly though, the reaction has been “good on you for having the guts to do it.”

Colin was pleasantly surprised with everyone’s positive reaction to him staying at home with a very common “I couldn’t do it” slant.

Ralph doesn’t have any distinct memories of people’s reaction to him staying at home. He recalls that people’s reaction to the fact that they were having triplets still far outweighed anything that might have been said when he told people he was staying home so Bronwyn could work. Although he recalls there were a few references to “Kindergarten Cop” and “Mr Mom”.

How are the chores divided?

As with everything to do with being a parent of multiples, when it comes to a division of labour there never seems to be anything ‘traditional’ about it. In Ralph’s words “traditional is thrown out the window when you are first told you are having triplets!” This is also the case for Trevor and Colin.

For the most part, it seems that our dads get in and do the dayto-day grind, including cooking and cleaning. Each family has a different daily routine, children’s sleep patterns and other daily chores dictate each of the routines.

Each of our dads finds that the support for stay-at-home fathers in the wider community is almost non-existent. However each dad has a different level of need.

Trevor couldn’t recall anything specific but also said that he didn’t go looking for the support either.

Colin has found that his best support in the community was his community nurse. He also found that within his local area there are lots of groups/activities that are exclusive to stay-at-home mothers.

When he enquired about joining he was told he didn’t meet the criterion of being female!

Ralph has found that he gets most of his support through other triplet families online, something that he taps into from time to time.

Do you get regular time out?

Anyone who has spent more than a week at home with their kids will agree that time away from them is necessary to keep you sane. So how do our dads try to make time for themselves?

Trevor keeps active with tennis, volleyball and netball most weeks.

He also plays golf once a month and attends Engineers Without Borders fortnightly.

Colin likes to go scuba diving but has been struggling to make time for this recently.

Ralph relaxes with eBay for his time-out pursuits.

How do you cope being at home?

The experience of being the stayat-home parent is a different one for each of us. There is no reason why this wouldn’t also be true for these dads.

Trevor felt that he was coping “great – I still have some work, my study, and Engineers Without Borders to keep my mind ticking over.” He is also enjoying the time he has with his children.

Colin says that coping all depends on the day, “there are times that I think I cope really well and then times when everything goes nuts and I don’t cope”.

Ralph reflected that staying at home was the easy part. “The challenge has been all the other changes that came along at the same time, moving house from the Central Coast back to Sydney, Ben moving preschools, my dad passed away and I left work after 16 years of shiftwork. I have learnt that the only thing you can count on is change.”

The common thread from all of the dads was that the isolation was the hard part.

Do you regret your decision to be a stay-at-home father?

Trevor: Not for a second – best decision I ever made.

Colin: mmmmmm! yes, no, yes, no ... what day is it!

Ralph: No regrets, our decision is the best for all concerned for now and in the future.

Left: Sienna, Travis and Brock having fun at the park; Right: Trevor with Abby and Andrea holding Jake hiking in Bali

8 | AMBA MAGAZINE ambavol3_1single.indd 8

11/3/08 9:54:31 PM

Being a stay-at-home dad of multiples

by Professor David Hay Professor of Pyschology at Curtin University, Western Australia.

Professor Hay is also the much esteemed National Patron of AMBA.

T

he topic AMBA gave me for this issue is about being a father of multiples who is at home with the twins or higher multiples, or who, with his partner’s involvement, decides to be away and continue in employment. I get the feeling that for each issue, the AMBA Magazine is pushing me even further into areas about which I know less but for which, sadly, there is not really enough information. So for this edition, I am extrapolating (which is a scientific term for ‘guessing’) from so many families I have met over the years about what life would be like for fathers who stay at home.

It is actually surprisingly difficult to find useful information.

We have some excellent books now on parenting multiples, but try looking-up ‘fathers’ in the index. Uniformly the discussion is much more on how the father can support his partner in her care of their multiples and not on how he feels as the main carer. Much of the non-multiple information out there for fathers caring for a single child relates to unfortunate circumstances such as bereavement or custody decisions. We are talking here much more about a mutual decision as to who will stay home. It may be because career interruption at this time could be more difficult for the mother and/or because she is earning such a fantastic salary that it is better for him rather than her to be the one who stays at home. In which case of course they can afford a nanny or a gorgeous au-pair, but let’s not

get into that... This is not such a frivolous comment as it may seem.

Read on and find out why later.

ISOLATION AND DEPRESSION Irrespective of whether you are a dad or a mum of multiples, life can be isolating in the first year as you struggle to get the kids into their car seats and to wherever you want to go. I’m sure there could be a Nobel Prize for the first person to invent a way of rapidly getting two or more squirmy kids from the house safely into the car without them or you getting filthy in the process!

I suspect this is going to be more difficult for dads than mums.

Men don’t have the same ethos of revealing themselves to other men, whether these be neighbours or friends. They don’t have the same bond with other dads as women have with other mothers, whether it be those they met at antenatal classes or clinics, in the hospital at the time of the birth or whatever. But as a parent of multiples, you can meet mums and even sometimes other dads of new multiples through the sessions which just about every AMBA group organises for new parents. In some way you are at an advantage over the dads of single babies, as at least there is this resource.

MUMS GROUPS You are going to have to get used to mothers of multiples groups where the topics of conversation range from sore breasts and cabbage

THE HAY WIRE

Home or Away ?

leaves to pelvic floor exercises. And let’s not get into the minute-byminute account of the emergency C-section. I’ve coped with these topics for over thirty years and so can you. There are a lot of things they are going to talk about which you may find uncomfortable initially and which they may find equally uncomfortable discussing in the presence of a mere male.

You are there because you are a ‘parent of multiples’. Once they and you realise that, life should get easier for everyone. One of the key bits of advice is “If in doubt, shut up” (which also happens to be my motto as National Patron!).

Listening will help make you more aware of how the mums of multiples feel and will also help them relax more in your presence.

For example they (and you) need to feel comfortable if they are breastfeeding during the meeting.

And taking along a bottle of milk your partner has expressed will help! You are there to share the knowledge and experiences you are all being challenged with as parents of young multiples. And I use the word “challenged” quite deliberately. There is so much more to having young multiples that is not covered in the resources readily available to all parents.

Of course learning how to juggle the demands of two or more babies does mean you have more in common with the mums of new twins – the mere fact you are a male is irrelevant. All of you can benefit from the excellent information out there for parents MARCH 2008 | 9

ambavol3_1single.indd 9

11/3/08 9:54:33 PM

of multiples. I’ll give a plug for my favourite book, the second edition of Katrina Bowman and Louise Ryan’s “Twins: a practical guide to parenting multiples from conception to preschool” and yes I did get a free copy. (Don’t look for ‘fathers’ in the index - it’s under ‘partners’.) There is also a growing body of resources targeted just at fathers and it is worth checking out what is available locally. Here in Perth, one of the very longestablished support groups, Ngala, has a program called “Hey Dad WA”.

OTHER DADS Australia has about 4,000 sets of multiples a year and there are not that many who are cared for in the first year or so by their dads. So how do you find other guys in the same situation? An obvious way is through AMBA. OK, you may be the only dad in your New Mums group, but it won’t take someone in AMBA long to see if there are other stay-at-home fathers of multiples in other groups in your city or State. Or you can always get online via the AMBA website.

MUM’S TWIN, DAD’S TWIN OR OUR TWINS? There can be the situation where parents choose to take responsibility for one twin each.

It seems to be more common in Scandinavia (which is where the term originated) but it does occur in Australia, though hopefully not too often. I say “hopefully” because it can potentially be a recipe for conflict, perhaps between the twins as they get older, but especially between the parents. For example, “My twin is developing faster than your twin”.

But two more general issues do arise. As the dad at home, you are the one responsible for the development of your multiples.

And there is a whole range of reasons, often to do with preterm birth or restriction of growth in the womb, why multiples may take longer than single-born children to reach their milestones. So don’t worry when parents of single-born children go on about when their

children started walking, talking, being toilet-trained or composing their first musical symphony and your multiples are far from that stage, don’t worry. And don’t even worry if you hear the same from mothers of multiples. There are so many things that make multiple pregnancies and deliveries different from each other, there is no reason to think it’s because your children are being looked after more by their dad.

Secondly, as the parent who is with your multiples for so much of the time, you will probably be more tuned into the differences between them than your partner. Yet the chances are that when you are out together with the children, she will be the one who will be asked about the children and differences between them. And her views may be different from yours. Such is not the time or place for you to start into “But they are not really like that...” in front of other people. You both need to work out in advance how you handle these situations.

WHO IS THE EXPERT ON YOUR MULTIPLES? It is very different expecting twins or higher-order multiples compared with a single baby. Yes I know I don’t have to tell AMBA members that! But there is one key issue which families need to think about when it is dad who stays home. Multiple pregnancies are higher-risk pregnancies and so there are often more antenatal visits and more referrals to specialists.

Often prospective dads cannot make it to all of these, because of work commitments, having to care for older children or whatever.

This was something a lot of fathers raised with us years ago when we were doing our study of couples from diagnosis of twins until the children were six months old.

So dads may know less about the medical events in their children’s lives. And of course they may have fainted in the delivery room, so don’t even know much about the births! Here’s a quick test to bring home my point – As a dad, do you know the birth weights of

your multiples? If you can manage that, what about their Apgar scores?

This emphasises the importance of keeping good records on the development of your multiples, before as well as after birth. In Victoria, the new MATCH study is helping families manage such information in a more systematic way than the usual Baby Book.

So when you go to the GP, the paediatrican, or the Infant Welfare Clinic (or whatever it is called in your State), the information is all to hand. And it also works when it is your partner who has to take the multiples for such a visit. Everyone assumes that as the mother, she will know the details of every previous visit. This way she will have at least a pretty good idea, even though it may be the first such visit for her.

YOU ARE NOT “SUPERDAD” It is now many years since the time when having a father change a nappy was almost newsworthy.

But it is still the case that having a father who is the primary carer for a single child is looked upon with some degree of respect.

When the man is caring for two or more, this can grow to outright awe. Yet mothers are doing it all the time and they don’t get the same adulation. It’s worth mentioning this when you get someone gushing over you and your incredible management skills.

Especially so if your partner is there with the proverbial steam coming out of her ears!

ADMIT IF YOU ARE NOT COPING In their book, Katrina and Louise were both brave enough to say they found coping with their very young twins difficult and needed some counselling to help them adjust.

Lots of new mothers go through this and there are pretty good services in each State. Janette Brooks from WA has produced the Beyond Blue guidelines on depression in multiple birth parents and you can access these through their website. But are services as good for fathers and is the possibility of postnatal depression even recognised? We

10 | AMBA MAGAZINE ambavol3_1single.indd 10

11/3/08 9:54:34 PM

now know there is a lot more that triggers postnatal depression beyond the hormonal changes after giving birth and so fathers are not immune.

It is easy to see how it could be more difficult for the father at home with the multiples. Apart from the isolation I already mentioned, his life is revolving around the needs of two or more babies. So for example when he does catchup with colleagues from work, they are hardly likely to be enthralled by the bowel movements, temper tantrums and sleeping problems which are the life of a parent.

DON’T FEEL GUILTY Don’t feel guilty whichever way you and your partner decide who is going back to paid work fulltime.

Employed parents of multiples do feel guilty. They may escape the continual work and stresses that two or more demanding babies place upon a parent and feel guilty about that. They may also feel guilty about not being able to perform as well at work as other

new parents who have to cope with just one baby. But you and your partner really need to think carefully through the practicalities of you being at home and her in employment. If mum has an important meeting at work the next day and the only way to get the babies back to sleep is on the breast, how are you both going to manage, as you can be sure the children will co-ordinate it, so one or more sleeps while the other one(s) cry!

Earlier I mentioned the ‘gorgeous au-pair’, not as male fantasy to keep dads reading this article, but because of a real issue. Years ago we did a study of divorced compared with intact families of twins and single-born children. In those days it was almost always mums who were at home. The one thing that stood out about those families with twins who had not stayed together was lack of social support in the first six months. And we all know that until the multiples come home, there is a real underestimation of the work involved and the

T-Shirt

Knot Hat

Singlet

HAVE A GREAT LIFE You may not think it now but such dads are really privileged, as are the children. Very young children develop so fast, you almost have to be at home to keep track of and revel in the changes. Not many men will be able to look back on that experience. Your children will have a much better appreciation of the much more equal roles of mothers and fathers in parenting nowadays than 60 years ago when I was born. And just think of the skills about time management and prioritisation you will be able to put on your CV when the time does come to go back to the paid workforce!

Earlybirds “Just in Case” Essentials Packs Developed especially for AMBA members, offering 25% off retail prices.

Available in Pastel Pink, Baby Blue & Ivory.

Postage and handling $10.00.

Pants

Jumpsuit

need for support. Being a stay-athome dad is an extra stressor on a relationship even with a single child. Lots of the discussion about who is to stay home may focus on the children, but you really need to think also about what is best for your relationship and sort out roles in advance.

Just In Case - Essentials A Twins Pack B Triplets Pack

C Quads Pack

4 x Singlets 2 x T-Shirts 2 x Knot Hats $84.00

6 x Singlets 3 x T-Shirts 3 x Knot Hats $126.00

8 x Singlets 4 x T-Shirts 4 x Knot Hats $168.00

Just In Case - Essentials Plus D Twins Pack E Triplets Pack

F Quads Pack

4 x Singlets 2 x T-Shirts 2 x Knot Hats 2 x Pants 2 x Jumpsuits $159.00

8 x Singlets 4 x T-Shirts 4 x Knot Hats 4 x Pants 4 x Jumpsuits $318.00

6 x Singlets 3 x T-Shirts 3 x Knot Hats 3 x Pants 3 x Jumpsuits $238.00

Beautiful clothing for premature and small babies To Order call Freecall 1800 666 550 www.earlybirds.com.au 11 | AMBA MAGAZINE ambavol3_1single.indd 11

11/3/08 9:54:37 PM

READER STORY

Raising multiples in regional Australia Interviews with Simone Fountain and Lindy Holmes

Simone with her family

O

ver two-thirds of Australia’s population live in major metropolitan areas. This means that only a tiny one-third (about 6 million) live in the rest of Australia, classed as remote and very remote areas. This can often translate into reduced access to services such as doctors, nurses, schools, shops and the list goes on. Sometimes this isolation is a welcome break from the hustle and bustle of the city and sometimes it makes an already difficult life that little bit harder.

With this in mind it became obvious to me that my experiences of parenting multiples in Wollongong NSW would be very different to, say, someone living in Broome WA or even Mendooran NSW. Both of these places are in remote Australia, one slightly more so than the other. Meet Simone and Lindy; these ladies, together with their families, live in these respective towns and here are their stories.

SIMONE’S STORY Simone is an Australian Olympic Gold Medallist. She was a member

of the Australian Women’s water polo team at the 2000 Sydney Olympics. Simone moved to Broome in 2006 when her husband was offered a position with the Broome Police Station. At the time they had one son, Charlie, who was only three. Not long after moving, they discovered they were pregnant with twins.

Broome is located on the West Coast of Australia approximately 2,200 kms north of Perth, 600 kms north-east of Port Hedland. Most of the year the population is around 12,000 people, this swells to 45,000 during the tourist season though.

Simone became pregnant whilst experiencing her first wet season and, as twin pregnancies could not be managed in Broome, this meant travelling to Perth for each of her doctors’ visits.

By Simone’s own admission she says that she is lucky to be married to a policeman. The police community is quite tight-knit in Broome, with most having young families, so they have their own mothers’ group and are a great support to each other.

Simone and her young family enjoy the relaxed lifestyle that Broome offers. She has found that there are quite a few families with older twins in the area who have been only too willing to offer advice and support. Simone believes it is the relaxed lifestyle that allows people more time to talk.

The downside of living in a remote town is access to services.

Whilst Broome is relatively blessed with a number of medical practices and a local hospital, specialist

services still only visit every few months or so. In urgent cases you could face an airlift to Perth. Being an ex-Sydney girl, Simone also notices the lack of shopping choice, although she does appreciate the choices they do have.

For the final word on Broome, “we love the beach and relaxed lifestyle, now if only I could get used to the heat during the wet season!”

LINDY’S STORY Lindy and her tribe of six children, including two sets of twins, live in a very different remote Australian location. They hail from Mendooran, some 80 km north-east of Dubbo in NSW. The town has a population of around 400 with one school catering for K-12, a few shops and a pub.

Lindy’s experience of parenting is nothing short of amazing. Not only does she live in a tiny country town, but she has raised her youngest four children single-handedly. Just prior to the emergency birth of her youngest set of twins (her other set were only 16 months old at the time!)

Lindy became a single parent. That was eleven years ago now.

Lindy with her family

12 | AMBA MAGAZINE ambavol3_1single.indd 12

11/3/08 9:54:39 PM

When her twins were born, she was living in the Orange district.

She found the hospital and other available services to be great. Since moving, the family now need to travel to either Dubbo or Gilgandra to shop for anything more than bread, milk and petrol. In addition to this, Lindy needs to travel to Manly with the four youngest children every six months for specialist medical services. By her own admission “this travelling is a strain on us physically, emotionally and financially”.

Lindy has no family support at all and, when she recently had to go through a hysterectomy, she could not get any help, so her 11- and 12-year-old sets of twins became her carers and also cared for each other. Lindy could not even access any face-to-face counselling when her mum died, a little over three years ago.

In spite of all of this, Lindy has an amazing outlook on life. While she readily acknowledges the tyranny of distance as the hardest part, overall she and her family enjoy life in their part of Australia. They love the peace and quiet, the views, and the slower pace of life. Soon they hope to move to rural Armidale to be closer to services for the kids and to university for Lindy.

These two stories are just a tiny snapshot of how different life can be when you move away from the metropolitan areas. They have certainly made me think about just how lucky I am to live close to family, near major hospitals and with the vast choice I have for everything.

However, Lindy sums it up the best: “No matter where you live, life on your own with two sets of twins is great. While there is no handing down of clothes or shoes as they are the same size, trampoline mats get changed more often from excessive use, when you buy for one you have to buy for four and you get four times the holes in the pool liner! BUT, then there are all the cuddles, school awards and conversations that make it all worthwhile!

AMBA Online Store A CONCEPTION OF A VERY DIFFERENT KIND

Fatima and her girls AMBA has had in its sights for many years the desire to extend that ‘support from those who know’ to ‘shop for products recommended by those who know’. This desire became a plan when, in February 2007, Fatima Dib met with AMBA to pitch her idea of outsourcing an AMBA Online Store.

This was a fantastic opportunity for AMBA, as our Board is ever-so-changing: it ensures continuity of service, it allows the financial responsibility not to be borne on our membership, and we get the great bonus of working with an experienced retailer.

Fatima already had an established and successful online nursery store called ‘Baby World Online’, which continues in parallel to the AMBA Online Store. In the last year, Fatima has also branched out into a retail store in North Melbourne under the Baby World banner with a specialist section called ‘Multiples World’ – something Fatima is all too familiar with, being a mum of four girls, including a set of fraternal twins who have just recently started school.

2007 was spent planning the design, stock and structure of the store with AMBA. In February 2008, the store has finally opened! The AMBA Online Store offers recommended goods for expectant parents through to toddlers, and will extend further in the near future. It offers genuine discounts and even more savings when buying multiple quantities.

AMBA is responsible for choosing the product that is sold through the shop, so we are always ensuring that we sell products which accurately represent life with multiples.

Other services, such as an online gift registry service, a new parents checklist and opportunity for the public to view and purchase club merchandise through the Club Co-Op, will set this store apart from all the others. Customers will also be fundraising for their local AMBA Club whilst doing their regular purchasing, as each club nominated at purchase time will receive a portion of the sale as a royalty.

Check out the AMBA Online Store at: www.store.amba.org.au

MARCH 2008 | 13 ambavol3_1single.indd 13

11/3/08 9:54:41 PM

www.child-psychologist.com.au

PSYCHOLOGY

What’s your biggest fear?

Common questions from parents

by Andrew Greenfield Andrew is a Child & Educational Psychologist. Being an identical twin himself, he has a great insight into the area of twin psychology.

QUESTION 1

•

How do you encourage individuality and independence in identical twins?

Bri

J

ust because your babies are born at the same time or look alike, does not mean that they are not individuals in their own right. In order to encourage individuality and independence in your twins, you should: • Organise activities for them on their own.

• Let your twins work out their differences, but step in when necessary to provide guidance and direction.

• Focus on each twin’s strengths and avoid comparisons.

• Encourage family and friends to treat them as individuals and not just as ‘the twins’.

• Encourage family and friends to address them by their given names all the time.

• Dress twins differently when older, unless they request to be dressed the same. Even if they have the same clothes they can wear them at different times.

• Although it is important for all children to learn to share, your twins can have some toys that are their own.

• Try to provide one-on-one time with each twin if possible.

•

•

Look for special talents in each twin and praise them often.

Twins usually have a special bond between them. Try to rear them as individuals without destroying their special bond.

Each twin should be encouraged to have his or her own friends’ circle and to do separate activities with his or her own friends at times.

Give them distinctly different names. If they do have very similar sounding names, you may want to use a nickname or middle name for one or both to lessen confusion.

It is important to realize that individualisation is not something that parents do to twins. Twins are individuals already, by virtue of the fact that they have physically separate bodies and brains.

Families can either enhance or obscure their multiple-birth children’s individuality, but they don’t need to create it. That has been taken care of already.

Parents sometimes tell us that they feel guilty because in the chaotic and exhausting early months, they are unable to give each baby much individual attention. Again, we reassure them that every time they change a nappy, feed the babies or talk to them, they are giving individual attention. Each child experiences these simple acts with his or her own sensory equipment, storing them away in each one’s personal memory bank as feedback from the external world.

QUESTION 2 How do you cope with multiples with differing abilities academically?

Jen

S

eparating multiples with differing academic abilities could create emotional and social difficulties. Unnecessarily holding back a twin or triplet can be detrimental to their development, however it is important not to ignore the needs of a struggling twin or triplet. Either way, the multiple with a learning difficulty or a giftedness needs his or her individual struggle or ability to be catered for.

This would involve either getting that child remedial assistance or speech therapy or with a gifted child, an enrichment class/program.

It is important to investigate each multiple’s cognitive strengths and weaknesses individually.

Try not to compare children’s schoolwork to each other’s. Instead multiples should compare their schoolwork, test scores, and report cards only to their own previous work.

Nurture a unique strength for each multiple and show interest in that strength. Perhaps even spend one-on-one time with each child doing something they enjoy.

Encourage family and friends to treat them as individuals. Ask family and friends not to compare

GOT A QUESTION TO ASK ANDREW? Email us at magazine@amba.org.au with title ‘Question to Andrew’

14 | AMBA MAGAZINE ambavol3_1single.indd 14

11/3/08 9:54:42 PM

them academically, but rather treat them separately, focusing on their strengths and interests.

From even before birth, multiples are constantly compared and contrasted. Most of the time, the comparative statements are tolerated and accepted, but one multiples enter school, those comments may become distressing, especially when one twin consistently outperforms the other.

Even if no one voices the differences in achievement, children are sensitive to them. It can affect their selfesteem. Encourage your multiples to develop at their own pace, outside of the shadow of their siblings.

Even though each multiple has his or her own strengths and weaknesses, try to find something that they can do together and at similar ability levels. That way they can focus on the task rather than comparing who is the best or worst on that task. Parents should encourage and reinforce this concept.

COMPETITION TIME LAST ISSUE WINNER! MULTIPLES IN THE WOMB - Skye MacDonald won the Multiples in the Womb DVD for her photo “Twin Tub Washing Machine”, with twins Sari and Willow (6 months).

HERE IS YOUR CHANCE TO WIN !

EMAIL US AT MAGAZINE@AMBA.ORG.AU Send us your Multiple Moments or funny photos to win!

Tell us about your best Multiple Moment and you could win a copy of the Multiples In the Womb DVD. Send through your funniest multiple photo to win a $50 gift voucher from Twinsane. Check out their website at www.twinsane.com.au Are you better with words then photos ?

We have copies of “He’ll be ok” and “Identical strangers” to give away. Send in your stories on you sons and reasons why you need a copy of He’ll be ok. To win a copy of Identical strangers send in your funniest multiple encounter with a stranger. We have them every day and usually we walk off rolling our eyes – turn your encounter into a prize.

ambavol3_1single.indd 15

11/3/08 9:54:46 PM

RESEARCH

The Slow Pace of Research

by Shane O’Brien and Emily England Coordinator, Australian Twin Registry, University of Melbourne

T

wins and multiples are incredibly important to researchers and have provided valuable insight into a variety of conditions that affect our population.

At the Australian Twin Registry (ATR), we receive many calls regarding our research; people who have been involved in studies with us are naturally curious about the results of the studies they have participated in. It is very reassuring for people to see that their involvement has had some sort of tangible benefit.

Frustratingly however, research by its very nature is usually a long and sometimes slow process, with results often taking years to appear.

Not only that, each research result is like a jigsaw puzzle piece where one set of results often adds only a small part to the overall picture. It can take years of work to find answers to the questions that researchers are asking about specific diseases and traits in the population.

The initial stage of a twin research project run in conjunction with the ATR begins with an Expression of Interest – this is where researchers have an idea for a scientific question that they would like to answer, and start working out methods to call upon to answer that question. These scientific questions need to be very precise and defined so that the researchers know exactly what they are looking for. The ATR works closely with researchers during this

phase; sharing examples of other studies conducted in the same area, brainstorming options for recruitment and selection of twins, and writing detailed research plans to make sure everyone’s thinking is on the same level. The ATR reviews the final plan with a number of other independent experts in the area to make sure that the research will be of benefit to the scientific community.

Once the research plan is formulated, we develop the letters that will go out to twins to invite them to participate. This is an important step in the process, as we need to make sure that twins fully understand what is being asked of them – we often only have one chance to introduce a new study to a twin and if the twin feels confused by the letter, or the study seems too much trouble, they may choose not to participate.

The documents and plans developed up until this stage are then assessed by a Human Research Ethics Committee (HREC). These committees are set up in each hospital and university, and give the final go-ahead for studies to start. Often, the Ethics Committee will require changes to the plans or documents – they act on behalf of research participants to make sure that all studies involving people are ethically sound, safe, and will not adversely affect the participants, and if this means that the research is delayed then so be it! Research involving people cannot under any circumstances proceed until the

AUSTRALIAN TWIN REGISTRY FREECALL 1800 037 021 EMAIL dph-twins@unimelb.edu.au WEBSITE www.twins.org.au If you are interested in talking to one of our staff, even if you are not a member of the ATR, please don’t hesitate to call us.

If you are interested in looking at more information about the Australian Twin Registry, why not check out our website ?

16 | AMBA MAGAZINE ambavol3_1single.indd 16

11/3/08 9:54:49 PM

relevant Ethics Committee has approved the study.

The next stage is where you all get involved! This is when Twin Registry members are sent letters describing the new study. Members decide if they want to be involved or not and send back a response form indicating their choice.

Responses are received by the ATR and we record whether or not the twin/s (or the parents in cases where the twins are under 18) want to be involved. If a twin pair are both interested in being involved in the study, we then send a copy of the response forms to the researchers. The researchers then organise interviews and/or appointments with the participants so that data collection can begin.

And you thought that was a lengthy process?! Well! Now comes the time-consuming bit! The next stage of the project, data collection, can be particularly timeconsuming and depends on the number of participants who will be involved in the study and the type and amount of data to be collected.

For example, some of our researchers are interested in talking with only a relative handful of participants (maybe a few hundred or so), but other researchers are looking for thousands of twin pairs – this is often because the question that the researchers are trying to answer is difficult and requires the input of many participants in order to get a clear picture of the answer.

The type of information collected also varies: some studies simply involve a single questionnaire; for example, the recent study we ran on Folate During Twin Pregnancies asked a set of questions over the phone. Other studies are much more detailed, for example the Tooth Emergence Study which looked at data collection over a number of months while the twins’ teeth were coming through, or the Transition to School Study which asked a set of questions before the twins started school, some questions after they started school, and a few more questions a year later. The twins’ teachers were also involved, and the twins themselves did sticker activity sheets, with

some twins also being asked to be involved in a videotaped session while playing with their friends.

Other studies (usually involving adults) ask for blood tests or scans and measurements. This data collection period can span months or even years.

After the data collection is completed, statisticians are often brought in to check the data for gaps, determine patterns and work out ways to interpret the huge amount of evidence collected. The researchers then collaborate with each other and with other international scientists to determine what story the information is telling them. This can confirm what the researchers were expecting the data to show, or present a totally different outcome to what they were expecting. Once the data is understood, researchers write scientific articles explaining the data which are published in scientific journals – these journal publications are collections of articles in one particular field of work, such as cancer research, or diabetes. This is a vital part of the scientific process as it allows other researchers with expertise in that area to scrutinise and challenge the data and results. Often different groups are working on similar projects and each different project can yield alternative ideas regarding the answer to the scientific questions posed. This process can sometimes seem repetitive, but it is the fundamental basis of the development of theory of science – that studies are repeatable, and can be verified by other groups. Journals also provide the ability for researchers to collect all the information on a particular area, to determine where the gaps in understanding are, and therefore determine the next research questions that need to be asked.

And because (as mentioned before) each new result often adds only a small component to the overall picture of a disease, the research questions often build on each other to eventually form the big picture.

To present a snapshot of the timeline involved with a study: one that the ATR is currently

conducting is the Genetics of Cannabis Use and Mental Health in Australia Study. It is a telephoneinterview-based-study conducted by the Queensland Institute for Medical Research in conjunction with Washington University and it targets twins born between 1972 and 1979. Initial work with the ATR on developing this study began in early 2005 and letters inviting the first set of participants started being delivered in October last year. The study is looking for over 6000 participants, and recruitment will be ongoing until they reach this target – on current projections this will be sometime in 2009. Understandably it will be years before the collection of data for this study is completed and results start to be interpreted and written up. Research into cannabis use is not new; recently results were posted from a similar study in the UK, emphasising the point that it is essential to reproduce studies to confirm results.

Those of you who are interested in research at the ATR will have a somewhat clearer understanding of what goes on – research is far from a linear process, instead involving many twists and turns before it reaches a conclusion. ATR members are an integral component in the development of ground-breaking studies which contribute to the health and wellbeing of the whole population.

MARCH 2008 | 17 ambavol3_1single.indd 17

11/3/08 9:54:50 PM

BOOK

REVIEWS

IDENTICAL STRANGERS: A MEMOIR OF TWINS SEPARATED AND REUNITED Elyse Schein and Paula Bernstein, Hachette Australia, 2007 Review by Anna Dennis Imagine living the largest part of your life not knowing you are a twin. In this thought-provoking biography of two sisters adopted at birth, you follow their emotional journey of discovery. Elyse and Paula always knew they were adopted, but it wasn’t until Elyse went searching for her natural mother that she found out not only that she had a mother with a mental illness, but also that she had an identical twin sister. Even though Elyse and Paula have many interests in common and feel some bond with each other, they are still strangers who, through a lot of pain and heartache, will finally become sisters.

Throughout the book, there are many references to twin studies and statistics which call into question the long-argued debate of “nature vs nurture”. This is a great read for anyone interested not only in twins, but also in adoption.

HE’LL BE OK: GROWING GORGEOUS BOYS INTO GOOD MEN Celia Lashlie, Harper Collins, 2005 Review by Joyce Keating We all think our beautiful boys will never become the troublesome

Book Reviews are now online, check them out at: www.amba.org.au/content/publications/bookreviews.html

teenagers we hear so much about in the media.

The sad fact is that our gorgeous boys will disappear when their hormones run riot; when they are lured into another world. Many become withdrawn, seek the adrenaline rush of fast cars, drugs and alcohol. Some will meet the girlfriend “from hell”.

This book tackles a serious topic and with humour, honesty and heart, Celia Lashlie helps demystify this often turbulent time in our sons’ life.

She offers an insight into their world and practical advice for parents, especially mothers, on how to best survive this stage of parenting.

As a worker in the prison system, Celia has insight into what happens when boys make wrong choices.

PARENTING SCHOOL-AGE TWINS AND MULTIPLES Christina Baglivi Tinglof, McGraw-Hill Publishers, 2007 Available from AMBA Publications for $22.95 for Members Review by Pamela Prindle Fierro Many publishers choose to focus on the early years or rearing twins, the issues of pregnancy and the first year of life and many parents feel at a loss when it comes to advice regarding older multiples. Finally, there’s a book to grow up with them.

Christina, being a mother of twins herself, writes from an

empathetic perspective. She also interviewed dozens of families with twins and multiples and includes their comments in sidebar elements; there’s one on nearly every page. This adds a touch of reality and really makes the book ring true for parents of multiples.

The chapter on education in particular offers some good advice for parents who are facing a decision about classroom placement for their twins or higher order multiples. The advice doesn’t stop once twins start school, however, as there is good information, supported by research, for parents of twins who may have different learning styles or abilities.

TRIPLET TALES Hazel Cushion with Illustrations

by Brian Platt, Inbooks, 2004 Review by Brianna Vohland Hi my name is Brianna and I am 8 years old. I have read this book to my 5-year-old triplet sisters and they think that it is funny. I like this book because it rhymes and the drawings are good. I think it’s funny when the daddy needs fresh air and the mummy dreams about the big yellow baby bus. My mum says that she used to have dreams about driving a bus as well. Just like in the book, we had lots of visitors come to our house when Molly, Casey & Erin were born. I think that families who have triplets will like this book.

18 | AMBA MAGAZINE ambavol3_1single.indd 18

11/3/08 9:54:52 PM

CELEBRITY PANEL

Our Celebrity Panel

Hon Mr Peter Beattie former QLD Premier, Richard Clapton and Hon Mr David Bradbury sitting Member for Lindsay NSW

David: Coffee (not the decaffeinated variety) played a key role. Also, I was fortunate to have five weeks of annual leave saved up, which I exhausted when the twins arrived. The main focus of my attention during this time was to look after our two older daughters, assist with the nappy changes, do all the shopping and keep my wife well fed. I think that this time was important for making the transition smooth for our two older daughters.

What has been the most challenging moment so far with your multiples?

Top: David Bradbury with his family Above left: Richard Clapton; Above right: Peter Beattie

A

s this issue is all about dads, for the launch of our panel we have three fantastic dads.

How old are your multiples?

Peter: Daughter Larissa 23 and twins Matthew and Denis 22 Richard: Daughters - 17 David: 2 years old

How did you survive the first three months?

Peter: Not sure. It was an extremely trying and difficult time. We had three children under two. It was unbelievably difficult. The twins had reflux which means we both have flashbacks of walking around to settle the children in the wee hours. My wife deserves a medal.

Richard: We shared the duties so it wasn’t too challenging at all.

Peter: All the time. Having three children means that we are not a nuclear family, therefore it was difficult to get away on holiday, to travel, to put the children in the car, and generally to cope.

Shopping was always a treat! When the three of them decided to do different things at the one time when my wife Heather was shopping.

Richard: The girls reaching the age of 17 and having to deal with the HSC and the other heavy issues that confront them at this most important time.

David: The first 12 months were the most challenging. The consistent sleep deprivation made it hard for me to function at my optimum when at work. I have always been able to cope without a lot of sleep but it was the broken sleep that I found really hard to deal with. Our two older daughters had been good sleepers and we had taken this for granted.

When one of the twins would stir during sleep time we were always keen to try and pacify the crying twin to stop them from waking the other, however, I think that in the

long run this was a mistake. This only conditioned them to believe that we would rush to comfort them whenever they cried.

What does having multiples mean to you?

Peter: A loving but pressured life.

Richard: We have found it most offensive for strangers to describe our daughters as “double trouble” – we prefer “double happy”.

David: From a practical point of view having twins has meant a lot of hard work and many challenges, but at the same time they have both greatly enriched our lives and our family. Whilst I have never been more shocked in all my life as I was when we first discovered that we were having twins, they are now an integral part of our lives and have brought us a great deal of joy.

As parents, we feel very lucky and very special that we have been fortunate enough to have two beautiful and healthy twins.

What advice would you give to new or expectant parents of multiples?

Peter: Get as much family support as possible after their birth.

Richard: As clichéd as it may sound, just give them as much love as you can; take as much interest as you can in every little detail of their lives but at the same time try not to crowd them in – they need lots of space.

David: Seek advice from as many parents with multiples as possible.

You will not always agree with the advice, but in the end its best to learn as much as possible from the experiences of others and then trust your instincts.

MARCH 2008 | 19

ambavol3_1single.indd 19

11/3/08 9:54:54 PM

TIPS &

TRICKS

HAVE YOU GOT A TIP OR TRICK TO SHARE WITH US? Email magazine@amba.org.au with title ‘Tips and Tricks’

MAKING THE BEDS

THE ‘WHAT TO PACK’ LIST

Layer your cots with a few layers of mattress protectors and sheets - we currently have 4 of each per cot. Saves time in the middle of the night if they are sick, or wet through; you can just rip off the sheet and protector and the next set is ready. Also makes it a breeze when you wash sheets and time gets away and you realise you forgot to make the beds up, and saves space in the linen cupboard!

Make a list of all the things you usually take with you on holiday, and keep it handy. The first time we went away with our twins, despite spending most of the previous day packing, I realised I’d forgotten a crucial item - nappies!

Kalie, Rockhampton MBA

BEING ORGANISED Organise your house so the things you need, such as bibs and facewashers or a smaller basket of toys, are stored right where you need to use them. We have the change table, a selection of baby clothes, towels and facewashers in the bathroom. Think through your day and reduce the time spent walking to get things.

Jane

A few days before the next trip, I began to jot down a list of things to take. When time came to pack, I crossed them off as I collected them. I transferred my list to the computer, and these days I simply check it on screen, adding and deleting things as the kids develop. Then I print it out, cross off the things that will not be needed on this particular trip and put it on the kitchen table. We can work through the list, crossing off as we go and knowing that we have everything.

When the kids get older they’ll be given items to collect and cross off too. It works in reverse as well: take the list with you on holiday, then go through it when packing up to go home, to make sure you haven’t forgotten anything.

Kate

‘Multiply your Market’ Ask Melissa how to advertise in AMBA’s Web, Print and Distribution Channels advertising@amba.org.au or mobile 0422 608839

AMBA MAGAZINE DESIGN AND LAYOUT BY

20 | AMBA MAGAZINE ambavol3_1single.indd 20

W W W. YO U N G C R E AT I ON S . CO M . AU PERSONALISED CALENDARS, KEEPSAKES AND MOMENTOS FOR YOUR LITTLE TREASURES

11/3/08 9:54:58 PM

A sleep routine is essential.

A proven one, is a dream come true.

A good night time routine is vital for mothers and their babies and is recommended by the Tresillian Family Care are Centres. New and improved JOHNSON’S® baby BEDTIME BATH ® and BEDTIME LOTION™ are part of a clinically ally proven routine to help your baby fall asleep faster and sleep better through the night. Developed in partnership hip with paediatricians, the routine recommends adding bedtime bath to your baby’s bath, followed by gentle ntle massage with bedtime lotion. Relaxed by the soothing aromas of NATURALCALM™ essences, your baby will enjoy joy a better night’s sleep, which for a mother, is a dream come true.

Johnson’s ® baby recommends www.babycenter.com.au

ambavol3_1single.indd 21 BABY0025_AMBAM.indd 1

®

Care for precious skin.

TM Trade mark Johnson & Johnson P1544

11/3/08 9:55:00 PM 14/2/08 9:36:02 AM

2008 D I R E C T O R Y AMBA NATIONAL secretary@amba.org.au 1300 886 499 PO Box 105, Coogee NSW 2034 Chairperson: Ann Marie Harli chairperson@amba.org.au (03) 9752 5536 Secretary: Cathy Carmody secretary@amba.org.au 1300 886 499 State Liaison: Karen Willetts state@amba.org.au (02) 9882 2713 STATE/TERRITORY REPRESENTATIVES ACT: Rosie Chisolm (02) 6231 3703 NSW: Catherine Harding (02) 4284 1095 NT: Angela Gahan (08) 8947 4323 QLD: Marianne Schmidt (07) 3289 1892 SA: Kim Rowland (08) 8342 2606 TAS: Caroline Cox (03) 6438 1537 VIC: Kayleen Lenne (03) 9768 9868 WA: Maria Critti-Schnaars (08) 9349 3931 FINANCE PORTFOLIO Director: Monica Rankin finance@amba.org.au

ASSOCIATION SERVICES PORTFOLIO Director: Sharon Smith services@amba.org.au (02) 4621 2247 Antenatal Working Group: Kalie Green antenatal@amba.org.au Bereavement: Dearne O’Kane bereavement@amba.org.au HOM: Karen Vohland hom@amba.org.au Multiple Birth Volunteer Service: Gerard Brick services@amba.org.au School Aged Multiples: Cherie Thompson school@amba.org.au BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT PORTFOLIO Director: Kayleen Lenne sponsorship@amba.org.au MARKETING AND PR PORTFOLIO Director: Melissa Klemke pr@amba.org.au (02) 9944 3228 AMBA Magazine: Catherine Harding magazine@amba.org.au

eJournal Editor: Lisa Hayday ejournal@amba.org.au Events: Donna White events@amba.org.au Internet: Vacant webmaster@amba.org.au MEMBERSHIP DEVELOPMENT PORTFOLIO Director: Ann Bell directory@amba.org.au (03) 5482 5351 Membership Secretary: Tracey Young membership@amba.org.au PUBLICATIONS PORTFOLIO Director: Nikki Web publications@amba.org.au (08) 97217330 Publications Officer: Vacant Languages Other Than English: Marion Gevers lote@amba.org.au Literature Review: Marion Gevers literaturereview@amba.org.au Archivist/Librarian: Jenny Noonan secretary@amba.org.au

(03) 9705 1424

Multiple birth... multiple choice! ● Valco Baby Twin Sportz ● Valco Baby TwinRunabout withToddler Seat ● Valco Baby Urban 4 2 Visit our website today to see our multiple choice options for the Twin Sportz, Urban 4 2 and the Twin Runabout

since 1965 ambavol3_1single.indd 22

www.valco.com.au 11/3/08 9:55:04 PM

����������� ������������� ������ ����������� ������������������� ��������������������� ������������

������� ���� ������ ���������� �������� �

��

�����������������

������������������������������ �������������� ������������������������������� ���������������������� ���������������������� ����������������������������������� ��������������������� ����������������������������������������������������������

������������ ����������������������������� ������������������������������������������� ambavol3_1single.indd 23

11/3/08 9:55:06 PM

Revolutionary Tandem Stroller Marco Sky L • Suitable for children from birth to 3 years in the rear seat and from 6 months to 3 years in the front seat • European design • Light and compact when folded • Rear seat lie-back position • Complies with Australian & New Zealand Standard AS/NZ2088:2000 • Both seats with 5-point harness complete with padding • One-touch double brakes • Height adjustable, revolving handles • Mesh shopping basket • Raincover included • Front wheels swivel or fix • Large, sturdy wheels with front and rear suspension • Removable and washable covers • Removable canopy with window, window flap and extra sun shade

To see more and buy online visit www.babydaze.com.au or call Tara on 0421 946 871

Australia’s Distributor of the Marco Sky L Tandem Stroller ambavol3_1single.indd 24 A4 Back Cover Advert.indd 1

11/3/08 9:55:09 PM 23/1/08 2:38:38 PM