FEATURE ARTICLE
Simplicity Parenting PAGE 4 Suzanne North
PARENTING
Natural Simplicity PAGE 22 Kiara Pirola
SMARTLOVING
Simplicity Marriage PAGE 30 Byron & Francine Pirola
SEASONAL NOTES
Printable Crafts PAGE 36
2 | July 2015
From the Editor... During the writing of this month’s CathFamily, Pope Francis’ much anticipated encyclical Laudato Si was released. The Pope issues us with a challenge: to answer the call to be more attuned to the natural world. For many of us, this means challenging the consumer lifestyle which leads to more clutter and more stress. Our featured author, Suzanne North, explores how cluttered schedules and lifestyles affect our children and the Simplicity Parenting Movement. Having ‘down time’ and contact with the natural world is important for our mental, spiritual and physical health but we have to make a conscious effort (initially) to make it a part of our family life.
This Month Jul 2015 Fr 1
St Thomas the Apostle
Sa 4
St Elizabeth of Portugal
Su 5
Ordinary Time 14
Mo 6 St Maria Goretti We 7 Bl Peter to Rot Th 9
Sts Augustine Zhao Rong & companions
Sa 11 St Benedict Su 12 Ordinary Time 15 Mo 13 St Henry Tu 14 St Camillus de Lellis St Kateri Tekakwitha We 15 St Bonaventure Th 16 Our Lady of Mount Carmel Su 19 Ordinary Time 16 Mo 20 St Apollinaris Tu 21 St Lawrence of Brindisi We 22 St Mary Magdalene Th 23 St Bridget of Sweden Fr 24 St Sharbel Makhluf Sa 25 St James the Apostle Su 26 Ordinary Time 17 Sts Joachim & Anne We 29 St Martha
We hope you find this edition helpful and inspiring!
Th 30 St Peter Chrysologus Fr 31 St Ignatius of Loyola
Kiara Pirola Editor
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SIMPLICITY PARENTING By Suzanne North
In today’s busy life with too many choices and too little time, more and more children present with anxiety disorders, behavioural problems and an alarming rate of suicidal tendencies. Parents are often overwhelmed by their daily routine and there seems to be a profound disconnect between parent and child.
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As parents, we try to do our best for our children. Our motivation is pure love; but in a society that is driven by competitiveness and status, showing love is often mistaken with providing our children with unsurpassed experiences. We live by the motto: “the more the better”. We think that ‘free time’ needs to become “free to be filled time” with activities and entertainment. Add in an avalanche of information in the form of marketing messages, the speed of technology and the constant connectedness through the Internet, and we are heading for a disaster.
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Consequently, our children are given too many choices and too much stuff with the result that their lives and our lives become very cluttered. We have become people of “doings” rather than “beings”. In a world that promotes speed, children are being fast-tracked at the detriment of their childhood.
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Rather than focusing on connecting with our children and building meaningful, longlasting relationships, we have become anxious, hyperinvolved parents. We have lost something that our parents had – the trust that out children will develop at their own pace.
The good news is that we can all step back from this craziness through slowing down the pace and simplifying our lives. But why should we simplify our children’s lives?
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Kim John Payne, international renowned family consultant, is the advocate and father of Simplicity Parenting, a movement that promotes the importance of a holistic childhood; a childhood where children’s minds, hearts and hands develop simultaneously. Kim has worked extensively with children in refugee camps and with children from affluent upbringings.
His research found that children from affluent upbringings displayed the same symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder as those in refugee camps.
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Both groups of children presented with a lack of empathy, resilience and impulse control and also hyper-vigilance, nervousness, and anxiousness. Both groups of children exhibited a tendency to disruptive behaviour when exposed to small stresses.
Kim and his team discovered that when a sense of calm and rhythm was introduced in the lives of those children, their behavior pattern changed significantly.
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Childhood is a unique time where children develop their own sense of self. In this significant phase, children find out who they are and what motivates, interests and drives them. It is a time where they discover their true self and deepen their awareness of the world they live in. In order to achieve this, children need to be given the time, space and security for this healthy development, for building resilience and their general wellbeing. We can create this space by simplifying the lives of our children and ours.
Simplifying means eliminating unnecessary clutter and creating more space for awareness, attentiveness, calm and connectedness.
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Allowing our children to have regular downtime is vital for their healthy development. Children need to restore their bodies and souls by being given unstructured time to reflect upon their experiences. When we notice that our children are feeling overwhelmed, physically and emotionally, it is important to give them a ‘mental health day’ where they stay at home, take a break from afterschool activities or have quiet weekend.
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As parents we want to give our children opportunities that we never had with the hope that it will set them apart from the rest of the competitive flock. The result is that we ‘overschedule’ our children from a young age with too many extra-curricular activities.
Children need to be busy and thrive on activity, but this needs to be balanced with some ‘nothing to do’ time. Too many activities, especially adult-directed ones, can dampen a child’s ability to motivate himself or herself and find their own interests. It is the ‘nothing time’ that enriches our children and not the enrichment classes as it allows children to just ‘dawdle’ without having to succumb to expectations or performance pressure. Simplifying schedules can be as easy as keeping one afternoon a week free from any scheduled activities, eliminating one activity or having regular Sabbath moments where families set free time aside and balance their hectic schedules.
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THREE WAYS TO BE A
SIMPLICITY
PARENT 1. Less is more. 2. Establish healthy rhythms 3. Filter out the adult world 16 | July 2015
This applies to nearly everything in our children’s environment - their toys, clothes, choices, experiences, gadgets and sensory stimuli. De-cluttering the environment and limiting children’s many choices is very powerful.
The less complexity we provide; the more attentive and creative they become, and the fewer battles we have to fight as parents. This can be achieved through culling toys, buying fewer clothes and providing a home that filters out constant stimuli.
Children thrive on the predictability that rhythm provides as it gives them a sense of security. A child that wakes up in the morning and knows exactly what to expect throughout the day is far more resilient, less anxious and more confident than a child who does not what to expect from one minute to the next.
Rhythm helps children to order their physical, emotional and intellectual view of the world. A little island of consistency such as, the regular cup of hot chocolate at the end of their school day or a daily sitdown dinner with a lit candle, a morning prayer, etc, provides children with an anchor.
Eliminate external stimuli that could be harmful for our children. The 24/7 access to media means that our children are constantly exposed to adult directed news and inappropriate commercials, whether it is at home or on their way to school. Far too early, children learn about terrorism, sex, violence, and graphic human suffering which they cannot handle emotionally.
They overhear our anxious conversations and feed off our emotions. This makes children anxious, hyper-vigilant and eventually, desensitized and disconnected from the emotional world of others. We can limit harmful media exposure by setting clear boundaries, have set TV and Internet viewing times, wait to watch the news until the children are in bed and singing songs in the car rather than listening to mainstream radio. 2015 July | 17
Simplifying is about stepping back, reevaluating life and giving us the courage to say “No� without feeling the pressure of conforming to society or the ever nagging parental guilt. Eliminating unnecessary stimuli, providing sanctuaries of calm and establishing healthy rhythms not only foster more harmonious relationships and makes for happier children, but also benefits those who display behavioural problems.
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Parents often find a subtle positive behavioural shift happening when they give their children space, love, reassurance and attention. Simplifying grounds children, it allows them to develop at their own pace, relying on their inner resources.
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The long-term benefits of simplifying are selfevident. It is never too late to implement changes and simplify our lives. The earlier we start, the better the chances are that our children develop into healthy, self-motivated adults who are resilient, empathetic and compassionate. 20 | July 2015
About the Author
Susanne North is a Family Educator and Certified Leader of the Simplicity Parenting movement. For further information or to attend one of the Simplicity Parenting information sessions, please contact her on susanne.north@syd.catholic.edu.au. To obtain a copy of Kim Payne’s book Simplicity Parenting, check out his website for further inspiration.
Simplicity Parenting
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NATURAL
SIMPLICITY By Kiara Pirola
When do people most commonly feel God’s presence? It is rarely at a desk or in front of a screen. Most often, we have profound spiritual experiences when immersed in the natural world. It is through God’s creation that we connect with the transcendent and we regain the capacity to be humble and filled with awe. It is the elegance and beauty of the natural world that shocks us out of materialism into a reverence for the goodness of creation.
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But this sense of humility and awe can so easily be crowded out with busyness, and the quest for material things. Humility and awe require physical and mental space to be experienced.
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Richard Louv’s book, Last Child in the Woods, articulates this problem as “nature-deficit disorder” and argues that our relationship with the natural world has fundamentally changed over the last thirty years. We deprive ourselves and our children of a vast resource of spiritual, mental and physical growth with our increasingly urbanised and technology-driven lifestylehs. His book has inspired a movement of parents, community leaders, religious leaders and policy makers to actively reconnect children and adults with the natural world.
READ THE FULL EXTRACT & GET THE BOOK HERE
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The Last Child in the Woods …Within the space of a few decades, the way children understand and experience nature has changed radically. The polarity of the relationship has reversed. Today, kids are aware of the global threats to the environment—but their physical contact, their intimacy with nature, is fading. That’s exactly the opposite of how it was when I was a child. A kid today can likely tell you about the Amazon rain forest—but not about the last time he or she explored the woods in solitude, or lay in a field listening to the wind and watching the clouds move.
…The shift in our relationship to the natural world is startling, even in settings that one would assume are devoted to nature. Not that long ago, summer camp was a place where you camped, hiked in the woods, learned about plants and animals, or told firelight stories about ghosts or mountain lions. As likely as not today, “summer camp” is a weightloss camp, or a computer camp. For a new generation, nature is more abstraction than reality. Increasingly, nature is something to watch, to consume, to wear—to ignore. A recent television ad depicts a four-wheel-drive SUV racing along a breathtakingly beautiful mountain stream—while in the backseat two children watch a movie on a flip-down video screen, oblivious to the landscape and water beyond the windows. 2015 July | 25
‌Our society is teaching young people to avoid direct experience in nature. That lesson is delivered in schools, families, even organizations devoted to the outdoors, and codified into the legal and regulatory structures of many of our communities. Our institutions, urban/suburban
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design, and cultural attitudes unconsciously associate nature with doom—while disassociating the outdoors from joy and solitude. Well meaning public-school systems, media, and parents are effectively scaring children straight out of the woods and fields.
…Yet, at the very moment that the bond is breaking between the young and the natural world, a growing body of research links our mental, physical, and spiritual health directly to our association with nature—in positive ways. Several of these studies suggest that thoughtful exposure of youngsters to nature can even be a powerful
form of therapy for attentiondeficit disorders and other maladies.
As one scientist puts it, we can now assume that just as children need good nutrition and adequate sleep, they may very well need contact with nature… 2015 July | 27
NATURAL CONNECTIONS 1.Cloud Watching Lie in the grass and watch the clouds. Spot different shapes and make up stories about them. Grab a book on clouds and try to identify the different types.
2. Explore & Observe Even the youngest children can participate in an exploration expedition to the park! Arm yourselves with a note pad and pencil and wander around to find something that interests you. Share what you found and why you thought it was interesting or beautiful.
3. Stargazing If you live in a city, all it takes is a short drive beyond the city limits to find some clear sky to watch the stars. Take a book on astronomy, search for constellations in the sky, or make up your own! 28 | July 2015
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SIMPLICITY
MARRIAGE By Francine & Byron Priola
A funny thing happens as relationships travel along. At the beginning, the other person is such a novelty that we barely need other activities to keep us entertained and engaged. A simple picnic or a movie at home is the excuse to just waste time in each other’s presence. Before long, we start to look for more complex and stimulating activities to share. Fancy dinners make the picnic seem so pedestrian; extreme adventures displace the movie at home compelling us to upgrade the TV and install a home cinema.
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Over time, our relationship space becomes crowded with bigger expectations and more stuff. The focus becomes what we’re doing, rather than the other person. The principles of the Simplicity Parenting movement can also be applied to our marriages. Here are a few ideas to reclaim the purity of our romance. 2015 July | 31
THREE WAYS TO BE
SIMPLY
ROMANTIC 1. Simple is the new black 2. Get the Rhythm 3. Au Naturel
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Don’t get distracted by thinking that one grand gesture can substitute for the simple daily stuff. Ten minutes a day in intimate conversation delivers more benefit than the annual weekend retreat in a flashy hotel. In a busy family, things that are not diarised or established as routines get sidelined. Make a habit of setting aside time to be together and link it to a regular time mark. Eg, after dinner, we go for a walk to debrief on the day.
There’s something about the natural world that connects us with the basics of being a man and woman in love. Make opportunities to just be in nature – sit in the sun to share your breakfast, do a bush walk, marvel together at the stars.
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About the Authors
Byron Pirola is husband to Francine and father of five. Byron is a Management Consultant by day and by night, the co-director the Marriage Resource Centre with Francine and coauthors of the SmartLoving series. Francine Pirola is the founder of CathFamily and regular contributor and editor. She has been married to Byron for over 25 years and has five children. She is also the author of the My School Diary Series, produced by LivingWell Media, that is used by over 100,000 catholic school students and teachers around Australia every year.
SmartLoving.org
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LivingWell Media
Seminars | Resources | Articles Find out more about Catholic marriage and how you can enjoy deeper intimacy and spiritual connection. 2015 July | 35
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SEASONAL NOTES
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Calling all Parents! Tell us how you do...
FAMILY PRAYER
We are looking to write an article that explores parent’s experiences of establishing and maintaining family prayers and faith rituals. We’d like to know what kind of things that Catholic families do to make their faith a part of every day life. We’ve all had successes and failures in this department and we’d love to know the lessons you’ve learned in the process. We need the data as soon as possible, so if you could fill out the survey as much as you can by the 13th of July, 2015, we’d really appreciate it!
Take the Survey on www.CathFamily.org 38 | July 2015
Looking for simple things to do that don’t invovle screens? We have some easy activities that pull double duty as crafty fun and faith formation. All of them come with free, printable instructions and templates. CRAFT
Make an Oil Lamp
Oil Lanterns were the main source of light at night or in the home in Jesus’ time. Make your own oil lamp and use it at family prayer times to have a sense of Jesus’ presence...
CRAFT
Biblical Scroll
Long before books were invented, people used scrolls to record important information. Create your own biblical scroll of your favourite bible stories and decorate by hand...
CRAFT
My Family Crest
A family is made up of different members, who each have their own unique gifts and interests. Design a special crest for your family. You could include your parents, brothers and sisters, or grandparents and pets too.
For more ideas and inspiration visit www.CathFamily.org 2015 July | 39