Family Prayer with Kids
FEATURE ARTICLE
Raising Catholics: Family Prayer with Kids PAGE 4 Kiara & Francine Pirola
SPECIAL FEATURE
The Ultimate Family Prayer Guide for Parents PAGE 16
SEASONAL NOTES
St Mary MacKillop & Printable Crafts PAGE 32
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From the Editor... Welcome to part two of our Raising Catholics Series! CathFamily has talked a lot about the importance of our Catholic faith permeating every aspect of family life. Spiritual practices such as prayer, meditation and attending Mass are important on our road to become better human beings. They are anchors that remind us of the big picture and our purpose as sons and daughters of a loving Father.
This Month Aug 2015 Sa 1
St Alphonsus Ligouri
Su 2
Ordinary Time 18 St Peter Julian Eymard
Tu 4
St John Vianney
We 5
Transfiguration of the Lord Dedication of St Mary Major
Fr 7
St Dominic
Sa 8
St Mary of the Cross MacKillop
Su 9
Ordinary Time 19 St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross
Mo 10 St Lawrence Tu 11 St Clare of Assisi We 12 St Jane Frances de Chantal Th 13 Sts Pontian & Hippolytus
They are essential to passing on this faith to your children. Easier said than done; Family Prayer can be challenging! But as many dogged Catholic parents will attest, it is totally worth the effort. We’ve drawn inspiration from our readers and the experience of guest authors in the trenches to give you some ideas to forge or renew a family tradition.
Fr 14 St Maximillian Kolbe
Kiara Pirola
Th 27 St Monica
Editor
P.S. This is my last edition as Editor of CathFamily as I take leave to complete my Masters Degree. Stay tuned for the announcement of a new editor in the coming month!
Sa 15 The Assumption of Mary Su 16 Ordinary Time 20 St Stephen of Hungary We 19 St John Eudes Th 20 St Bernard Fr 21 St Pope Pius X Sa 22 Our Lady, Queen of Heaven Su 23 Ordinary Time 21 St Rose of Lima Mo 24 St Batholomew Tu 25 St Louis of France We 26 St Joseph Calasanz Fr 28 St Augustine Sa 29 Beheading of St John the Baptist Su 30 Ordinary Time 22
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While Catholic practice rightly emphasises the Mass as the centrepoint, without a broader context of frequent family prayer, Mass alone is insufficient. Vic O’Callaghan, grandfather, author and educator offers these reflections on his experiences.
Vic’s Story At Mass this morning, my wife Liz and I sat behind a young family; Mum and Dad, a five year old, a two year old and an infant of about three months. I was not surprised to see that the restraints of the pews were hitting hardest on the two year old. I remember this being a difficulty when we were bringing up our children, but this morning I could see the whole deal in a different light. We are now grandparents. 2015 August | 5
The two year old in front of us was in a holding pen; a holding pen that was not to her liking. The wooden rails and planks were hindering a lively colt, a sparking deer. The sounds were foreign and conflicting; sometimes loud and varied; sometimes cached in a silence that made its own echoes.
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The clash of differences was starkly drawn for me this morning. I saw the tactile and malleable world of the two year old collide with the adult world of deep reverence and significance within the liturgy of the Mass. Having been in this situation over many years, I began to marvel at how we had survived the impossible stretch. I say impossible because I believe it is a call too far, to think we can reflect, pray, breathe deeply and respond to a homily with commitment and hope while managing the two forces I have just described.
When I think back on how we managed these differences, I can see how we did much of our praying at home. In fact, our praying was much more like playing. There was a sense of fun and delight in our prayers around the table.
Even today, we sing a song of grace before meals with our grandchildren, a boisterous, rollicking ditty that is most often initiated by the youngest child in the family. There is clapping and holding of hands and great variation in the song. We always end the praising with laughter and more clapping.
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I am not suggesting here that we break out into raucous song and movement during the mealtime of the Mass, what I am suggesting is that if there is a memory of mealtime being an expression of gratitude and celebration (which is a great psychological response to nourishment anyway), we can have a sliver of confidence that a connection may be made as we hug and sway and hum and smile with our little ones in Mass.
In fact, there needs to be expressions of affection during such times as the consecration. And don’t be too put off when things sometimes go horribly wrong and the outcome is searing embarrassment. I recall some ‘wise elder’ telling us that a discrete pinch may be necessary at a very serious moment at Mass in order to ‘quiet’ a rowdy child.
So, the essence of complete love (yes, the mother of our children) found that moment when our two year old would not settle. It turned out to be the moment of consecration. The pinch was executed. Next instant came the cry that shattered the silence, ‘You are pinching me Mum. Why are you pinching me?’ I remember thinking that maybe we should not have taught number two to talk so clearly. Mother of love and mercy and compassion (i.e. my wife), experienced a moment of deep shame and humiliation. Imagined condemnation filled our minds. ‘Did you hear that? That teacher was pinching her child during Mass.’ In truth, no one took any notice. It took a while to see the funny side of it. Another time we sat up the front of the church to see if the children would be fascinated to see the action up close. We were near one of the senior ladies of the parish who sat in ‘her seat’ every Sunday. As Liz offered her hand at the sign of peace she said, ‘Peace be with you’. The lady in her pew replied with thinly disguised distain, ‘Not much peace here today’.
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I guess one of the hurdles we need to jump is our own sense of failure that accompanies the sharp jabs of perceived public shame that lance our pride. These distractions are challenging and they can and do turn us from our purpose. We gather at Mass to give praise and thanks to God and to get to know each other better. Could it be when we love our children by showering them with joy and delight, we are giving thanks and praise to God? And if you were to think of a way to guide the mind to live this praise, might it be the simple mantra: ‘Worry less and celebrate more.’
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Fast forward thirty five years to a local coffee shop where we sat with two of our grandchildren who jumped from their chairs to hug Moira, an elderly lady who greeted us. We talked and joked for a few moments and Moira took her leave, but not before one of the little ones called out, ‘See you at Mass on Sunday’.
Within this seemingly insignificant exchange is hidden an essence of Eucharist. Our purpose is union and celebrating together is our fuel for the way.
About the Author Vic O’Callaghan is married to Liz and has been a classroom teacher, facilitator and author of seasonal reflection books, The Jesse Tree and Days of Passion. Check out the Marriage Resource Centre to order a copy today.
Click Here
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Every family is unique and their family prayer life will be too! What works for one family would be impossible for another. Whether it’s highly structured like the Rosary or Divine Office or less formal like meditation or spontaneous prayer, there is a style to suit every family as it grows and changes. Whether your kids are five days, five years or fifteen years old, it’s never too early or too late to start family prayer.
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Rules of Thumb 1. 2. 3.
1.
Keep it Simple
Don’t go shoot yourself in the foot by attempting a prayer routine to challenge a Carmelite Monastery! When it comes to Family Prayer, simplicity is what makes it child-friendly, teentolerable and parent-manageable.
2.
A Daily Anchor
Think about your worst, most busy, tiring and trying day. Then find the simplest prayer you and your family could manage in that situation and make that your daily anchor. On the good days you can do more, but bad days will happen so a little forethought makes a family prayer life sustainable.
3.
Augment the Ordinary
We all eat family meals together; we all tuck the kids in at bedtime and make trips in the car. These very ordinary moments are also prime moments for nourishing our souls too. A simple prayer at these ‘family gathering points’ makes life easier for you and also shows your kids that spirituality is for every day, not just once a week on Sunday. 14 | August 2015
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You can make any space in your home a place of prayer; the dining table, kid’s bedrooms, the living room….Wherever it is most comfortable or makes the most logical sense can be a sacred space. Whether you pray in the living room or on one of the kid’s beds or around the kitchen table, having a dedicated space keeps everyone focused and creates a visual reminder that we are a Family of God.
Essential Items 1. A crucifix or cross 2. One or more candles 3. A Bible or Missal 4. Prayer cards with your favourite prayers 5. Rosary beads
Optional Extras: • Icons/pictures of Mary, Jesus or the Holy Family • Images of your favourite saints • Children’s Bible • Divine Mercy Chaplet beads • Decorative cloths in seasonal colours • Book of Meditations • CD player or speakers to play music
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Your family altar or sacred space doesn’t have to be large; even the smallest of apartments has room for a shelf to keep a candle, crucifix and Bible.
In our house, we have a shelf on the bookcase fondly nicknamed ‘the Jesus Shelf’. Other sacred spaces include a small side table in the family room with a big Bible and a St Mary MacKillop space in the formal lounge.
For more ideas to inspire your family’s prayer space, check out our dedicated pinterest board.
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Unstructured
Structured
Contemplative Lectio Divina This method of prayer incorporates scripture, meditation and spoken prayer. Its simple structure makes it stress-free and avoids awkward discussions about ‘what prayer to do tonight’.
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Taize This musical meditation is a powerful way to pray by meditation on a short phrase. There is a Taize chant for every mood and occasion.
Labyrinths These geometric designs have been used for contemplative prayer since the fourth century. The physical act of walking helps focus contemplation and is great for active kids.
Meditation Contemplative prayer has been a part of Christian tradition since its beginnings and is an excellent way to begin or end the day. Children as young as five are capable of meditating for short periods of time and it can be easily incorporated with other prayers.
Trinity Prayer Inspired by St Ignatius’ Daily Examen, this is a simple, three-part, daily reflection that even the youngest children can do.
Our Catholic faith has a varied and rich variety of prayers and spiritual practices. There is a type of prayer to suit everyone at any stage in their spiritual journey. This section provides a list of different kinds of prayer ranging from structured to unstructured, from contemplative to vocal.
Vocal The Rosary As the workhorse of Catholic prayer the world over, this is an easy go-to for those days when it just gets too hard! It is more flexible than you’d think, with a choice between a complete Rosary, a single Decade, the Joey Rosary or the One Minute version.
Liturgy of the Hours Also known as the Divine Office, this ancient prayer is a whole day of psalms, scripture and prayers that all priests and religious brothers and sisters pray every three hours, 24/7. It provides a flexible template to incorporate a structured prayer into your life. Magnificat magazine does excellent kid-friendly and adult resources. Prayers of the Saints Our favourite saints often wrote prayers themselves. Using these is a beautiful way to connect with the saint and be inspired by their love for God.
Grace before Meals A simple habit of saying ‘Thanks’ before every meal does good things for our spiritual life. It can be as formal or informal as you like and change for special seasons like Advent or Easter.
Bedtime Blessing This simple prayer is easy to incorporate into your bedtime routine and is an effective way to help settle wakeful or anxious little ones.
Spontaneous Prayer This is the simplest way to pray as a family. Sit everyone together and open with a prayer yourself. To keep it from being too chaotic (especially with young ones who are still learning to take turns) have a candle or cross to pass around to show whose turn it is to pray. 2015 August | 19
Creating an awesome family prayer routine means starting small and picking the right time where both you and your kids will first, remember to do it and second, make it easier to form a habit. The ‘right time’ will look different for every family and will change over time too. Here are some suggestions to get you started.
1.
1.
2.
3.
Morning
This is a hectic time for many parents with schoolaged children and teenagers. However, little moments can be captured, like praying a Joey Rosary in the car on the way to school, a Morning Blessing to wake kids up or say goodbye at the school gate. You could even read aloud the Gospel of the day as your kids eat breakfast. Keep prayer short and simple and morning prayers will be achievable even on the most stressful mornings.
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2.
Day Time
If you homeschool or have preschool children, having your family prayer time during the day allows for more flexibility to work around weekend activities and the active social lives of teenagers. Try the Angelus at noon, or taking some time for an afternoon meditation with Taize chants or a family Divine Mercy Chaplet at three o’clock. If you’re really brave, you could give an entire family Rosary a try!
3.
Evening
When the family gathers for dinner, for bedtime, story time or movie time, a simple prayer can be incorporated into the routine. Whether it’s Grace before dinner, bedtime prayers or a designated family Rosary or meditation after dinner, evening time is often the most practical and natural gathering point.
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Toddlerhood is a demanding and often frantic time. It can be tempting to delay introducing regular prayer, but as chaotic as it may be, younger children are more receptive to new traditions.
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1. Keep it Short A wiggly three year old will have trouble sitting still for an entire Rosary, so don’t set up a situation that will turn you into the Official Prayer Time Firebreathing Dragon! A Decade, Joey Rosary or a ‘Hail Mary’ said well is preferable to an entire Rosary forcibly extracted.
2. Spontaneity Young kids are naturally open and willing with prayer so including spontaneous elements like prayer intentions for today’s Rosary make for some heartwarming and hilarious moments. The Trinity Prayer is a great balance of spontaneity and structure and even the youngest can engage with it.
3. Let ‘em Lead Even pre-literate kids can learn prayers and then lead them. It encourages them to take ownership of their prayer life and helps them to feel important and needed in the spiritual life of the family. 2015 August | 23
If your kids are 10 and older, starting a family prayer tradition needs a firm but positive approach. You may have to work a little harder to find the ‘sweet spot’ but the benefits are well worth the effort.
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Have a Family 1. Discussion Include your kids in the planning and have input in the timing and format as well as expectations around attendance and participation.
Keep the 2. Pressure OFF! No cajoling, begging, nagging or guilt-tripping! You cannot force their relationship with Jesus, you can only create an opportunity and invite them to pray with you.
3. Seize the Day! Don’t just limit prayer to the pre-scheduled time slot. Take advantage of spontaneous opportunities. For example, if your child is anxious about an exam, give them a blessing, if you find yourselves in the midst of a marvel of nature, take a moment to praise God for his creation.
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Life throws us curveballs, we’re not perfect and neither are our kids. The families who become masters of family prayer are families who know how to get back on the horse, again and again and again.
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1.
1.
2.
3.
Don’t Despair!
If it was that easy, we’d all be saints. Beating yourself up about lapsing is not helpful for you or for anyone else! Instead take a deep breath, ask Jesus for guidance and try again.
2.
Learn the Lessons
Take a little time to consider what went wrong. Was it the time? Was the routine getting a bit too juvenile or boring? Are you (or your spouse) feeling overwhelmed in general? Whatever the reason is, go back to basics and make the necessary adjustments and try again!
3.
Seasonal Renewal
Our Church calendar has two seasons of penance and renewal timed to be at the beginning and the end of the year. If your family prayer time has dropped off the radar, Lent and Advent are the perfect times to focus on picking it back up again! Both seasons are filled with concentrated graces to give you a spiritual shot in the arm.
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Heather, who blogs at Mamma Knows, Honeychild wrote and illustrated this hilarious portrait of her family’s prayer life. It’s just too good not to share an extract with you! You can read the whole thing on her blog, but you may find yourself giggling and laughing out loud so maybe don’t read it at work...
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…We’re going to talk about family prayer time. Praying with young children can be a real trip, can’t it? Now that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. We should definitely do it. I mean, Jesus said “let the little children come to me”, right? When Jesus said that, He didn’t mean for us to just drop the kids off at the Church door so we could speed away to our zumba class at the Y.
Just kidding. He’s got this.
Bringing your kids to Jesus is something you do as a family. We have to be the example and show our kids what that means.
Truth be told, that part scares me. I know I fall short in a million ways. The first place to start, besides going to church, is prayer.. aka conversations with God. Prayer is essential in the life of a Christian.
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I say that, but I really struggle to pray. I seriously have the attention span of a mosquito. Like I’ll be sitting there praying, and then I’ll look at my kitchen table and think, “Hmmm. I’m going to paint the legs on that thing. Maybe turquoise. Red? No, a light blue. Yeah. Light blue.”
“Yeah..anytime you wanna pay me some attention, that’d be greeeat…”
Imagine if you were in the middle of a conversation with a friend and you just completely stopped talking all of a sudden and stared at your table for five whole minutes with your head tilted to the side. It’s rude, right? I know… I (try to) pray with the kids before we start school each day...
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Sometimes we take our kids to Adoration. That doesn’t always work out so well, but I know that Jesus loves it. We also do a family prayer time before bed each night. Each child has a prayer that they lead for the family. JP does the St Michael the Archangel prayer, Lucie does the Memorare, and Jude does two Guardian Angel prayers.
Dan and I used to try praying the entire rosary with the kids before bed.
This was a terrible idea, because it turns out that usually, one decade of the rosary is what our family can handle at the end of a long day. Sometimes we can’t even handle that. Three Hail Mary’s and off you go, kids, lights out. Little kids tend to be very distractible, and parents tend to be very tired…
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Have you ever tried to do prayer intentions with your children? It’s a real crapshoot, isn’t it? You just never know what these tiny people will say... Some of their prayers will simply melt your heart and make you fall in love with your kids all over again. One night during prayers, my daughter Lucie prayed that when she grows up, she could “help the poor”. She also added that would she like to be a unicorn brusher. This stuff is gold. Sometimes your kids will pray things that are completely bizarre and you may have to suppress your laughter.
And some kids sort of miss the point of prayer time. This might be the funniest of all. “MaryLou, who would you like to pray for tonight?” “Ummm…I wanna pray for….you know that little girl who lives down the street?” Mom: (so proud of her thoughtful child) Yes?
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MaryLou: The one with the blonde hair? You know her, mom? Mom: Yes I do sweetie. Would you like to pray for her? Marylou: Yeah she has a really cute doll I like, it closes its eyes and pees in its diaper and I wanna doll like that doll. I wanna pray that I get her doll. Mom: oh. kay. Johnny, what would you like to pray for? Johnny: I saw a cricket today. Mom: Johnny? Who are we praying for? Johnny: I ate it.
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See, that’s why Dan and I just usually stick to praying a decade of the Rosary with the kids. Because we know that we will become the Jackson Family if we don’t…
“Why is everyone better than me?” you think. “What is wrong with my family? Are the faucets at my house lined with lead paint? ...It’s easy to feel like everyone else has a normal family, while you are merely living on Chimp Island with a bunch of hairy beings that pick their noses and fling it at the walls... Everyone has something going on that they wish they didn’t.And that’s a major reason why it’s important to pray the Rosary, because we need help. But sometimes you have to do great things in small doses…especially when you have little kids. Then you can do a little more here, and a little more there… you build on it over time...
The whole point is: small doses. Don’t suck the joy out of a good, holy thing by being Crazy Joe Jackson, Tyrant of the Most Holy Rosary...
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Besides, what’s the point of praying the whole thing if you’re seething through all of it and glaring at your littles?
When we were younger, single people, we could pray the way we wanted to, when we wanted to.. on our own terms. We may have felt pretty “holy”, but God is truly making us holy right now. Right here in the middle of this beautiful chaos. Read the full article here
About the Author
Heather, aka Mama H, is the mother of five kids and blogs at Mamma Knows, Honeychild. She excels in keeping things very real, raw and hilarious on topics as diverse as motherhood, faith, personal growth, and home decorating. Read Adventures in Family Prayer in full and check out some of her other stuff!
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Despite the difficulties that make family prayer seem impossible, any small effort made does have an impact. God loves you and your children and only wants to be with you all. He will bless any small, infrequent step taken. He will give you the graces you need to sustain your family’s spiritual life. No matter how old your kids are, it is never too late to start doing some family prayer. Take the plunge, and offer it all up to God! 36 | August 2015
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SEASONAL NOTES
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Celebrate Australia’s first saint with food and good fun! St Mary MacKillop was known for her humour and her way with children.
BE INSPIRED
St Mary MacKillop Drama
Retell the life of St Mary of the Cross with this drama! It can be done with one child or ten making it perfect for groups and classrooms. The script comes with instructions for making your own Brown Joey Habit too. CRAFT
St Mary Mack Chatterbox
Use these inspiring quotes from St Mary of the Cross MacKillop to make a chatter-box to use with your family and friends! A chatterbox is an origami paper craft that is fun to fold and even more fun to use... RECIPE
A MacKillop Feast!
Instead of ‘Christmas in July’, how about celebrating a MacKillop Thanksgiving? The Solemnity of St Mary of the Cross is the perfect opportunity to gather family and friends to give thanks for this wonderful woman...
All this and more can be found at www.CathFamily.org 40 | August 2015
The Feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus is a beautiful feast that connects us with the passionate love of Jesus for his people. Get into the devotion with CathFamily’s mix of the traditional and new takes on the devotion. CRAFT
Praise Flags
It is good to praise God! When we praise someone, we reflect back to them their own goodness to them and also remember how their goodness inspires and sustains us...
CRAFT & PRAY
Family Prayer Bookmarks
These bookmarks have three designs for your kids to colour and decorate and three prayers to choose from; John Paul II’s Prayer for Families, a traditional Family Prayer and Blessed Mother Teresa of Kolkata’s Prayer for Our Family... CRAFT
Days of Gratitude Calendar
This flexible template allows your family to record daily things, people, or experiences that they are grateful for in the day spread AND a blank space is included for sticking pictures, notes, and other memorabilia for that month...
For more ideas and inspiration visit www.CathFamily.org 2015 August | 41