A Convert's Novena

Kim Long, Saint Mary of the Pines DRE & Convert

In the three plus decades since my coming into full communion with the Catholic Church, I have tried on many spiritual practices, some fit for a time, some seem to fit for life; novenas are one of those which seem to fit like the proverbial glove. I have several “go-to” novenas: Infant of Prague, St. Rita, Our Lady of Knock, and of course St. Brigid as well as The Holy Communion Novena. Along with the novena practice, I have reflected on a definition of conversion I had not heard until I studied in the RCIA process. Simply put, I was told, one definition of conversion is “a continual turning toward God.” I loved that explanation. Growing up as a Southern Baptist, I tended to think of conversion as a moment (although I hasten to add that I don’t think anyone taught this to me - it was just how I envisioned it), but now I began to settle in with this thought and began to view my life and every choice I made as something to either engage in or refrain from doing, and in that choice I was making a larger one. Was I turning toward or away from God? We are all still turning, a continual movement. We are all still being formed, shaped, and molded. We are still being converted. Recently I spoke with a friend who is also a convert and half heartedly joked that we should write our own version of a novena: a convert’s novena. Novena is Italian for nine. I have chosen to use nine examples of my own experiences as a convert rather than the traditional nine days I have counted them as moments of turning - that continual conversion in which we are all engaged. Here is how I saw it unfold.

First Turning

I am here!! Where to begin? How many times I have asked myself what is it that you want from me and looking skyward gently chide you that if you would just fax, phone, text, or email me I would do it! The uncertainty had me stalled. “O God of love and creation who knew me before I was formed in the womb, teach me what it means to know love and serve you so that I may be happy with you always. And maybe happy with who I have allowed myself to be as I allow your grace to work in me. Amen.” Pray one Our Father and one Glory Be.

Second Turning

I am filled with such joy. People tell me this is the honeymoon period, but how can I ever feel otherwise when I know You love me so much. I cast my eager eyes around looking for ways to be a reflection of you, Lord. Here they come, some of the most negative people I have yet to meet. Here I am Lord, I come to do your will....but not here please!

“O God, please be gentle with me as I see how faint my heart is. Forgive my reluctance to be present to those whom I would rather avoid. O Father guide me to serve all of your people, not just those who are easy or pleasant. In the space of that realization help me know I am no different to some who encounter me on a day when the honeymoon feels chilly and distant.” Pray one Fatima prayer and one Act of Contrition.

Third Turning

I feel so included, such a part of the Parish! We are baking for a celebration and I arrived early and stayed late. I laughed, measured, mixed, baked, cooled, and bagged what looked like hundreds of cookies. The women were amazing. In my mind’s eye we baked for you and those twelve disciples who always came back for seconds. Just like we do today. “O God of laughter and creation I thank you for this experience and as I reflect upon my day I see Your love revealed in this community, this kitchen, these women. I thank you for the opportunity to be part of Your plan. Amen. Pray an Act of Love. Pray another one.

Fourth Turning

I feel so lost, where are you God? How can people be so cruel? Gossip found me and I let myself hear it. I feel terrible and worst of all I am ashamed of my part. Where has my conviction gone? “O God of mercy please guide me, give me strength to make amends and apologies and repair some damage. Forgive me Lord, not just for hearing it but for not stopping it, for not feeling you in that moment of testing. I am miserable, but You know that since You know me better than anyone ever can. I’m searching for you Lord, please find me. Amen.” Pray the Suscipe Prayer and an Act of Contrition.

Fifth Turning

I am in trouble Lord - more trouble than I even realize. I am going through the motions - Mass, confession, socializing at the Parish, and then home to fuss at my children, engage in uncomfortable silence with my spouse and worst of all I don’t have much to say to you either. I hear another voice in my head telling me why pray when You already know what I am thinking. “O God of strength and gentleness help me feel you again. That is all. Amen.” Pray the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary.

Sixth Turning

Something happened this morning Lord. I was running errands and as I passed by the Church, I realized I could make the morning Mass. As if under someone else’s guidance, I found myself parked in my usual spot in front of church. Reaching in my purse for my glasses, my fingers rested on the beads of my rosary, comforting to the touch.

O God I feel you again, flowing into me like air. I see you are vital, necessary, and I need you. Amen.” Read the Hound of Heaven and contemplate God chasing after you because He loves you so much.

Seventh Turning

I feel you more each day! Hallelujah! Quotidian tasks seem like little joys and everything my family does seems miraculous. I feel like I am floating, running, rushing to you. I feel home again. “O God I love you, and in that love I am able to love others. Thank you! Amen.” Pray an Act of Faith.

Eighth Turning

In Mass today I offered my communion for someone else’s needs; they are hurting so much God and while I can’t fix their situation, I can do this, trusting you have all of this well in hand. “O God thank you for the opportunity to come out of myself and really begin to see the needs of others. Amen.” Pray The Serenity Prayer. Pray it again.

Ninth Turning

I am here Lord, face down on the floor before the Tabernacle. You know me better than anyone, you know the needs of those whom I love as well as those whom I will never know. I will stumble, fall, and get up again all because you go before me, all because you love me. Help me remember I am never alone. “O God, I thank you…” Pray One Divine Mercy Chaplet.

Each of us have our own stories of conversion, whether we were born into the Catholic faith or whether we came to it later as adults. The old hymn Simple Gifts, written by Elder Joseph Brackett, has a bit of a verse in it that I feel applies to us all: “in turning, turning we come round right.”