Hf loveandrespect february 2017 all pages final by Christ Community Church

FEBRUARY 2017

a spiritual parenting resource

“God fills me with His love so I can give it away.” homefrontmag.com

GETTING STARTED

10 28 WAYS TO SAY, "I LOVE YOU!"

18 SPREAD THE LOVE

42 WISE ADVICE FOR GRANDPARENTS

We believe that the Holy Spirit is God’s chosen teacher. It is He who causes spiritual growth and formation when and as He chooses. As such, we have articulated 10 distinct environments to create in your home. We desire to create spiritual space, which we refer to as an environment, in which God’s Spirit can move freely. Without love, our faith becomes futile. The environment of LOVE AND RESPECT recognizes that children need both love and respect in order to freely receive and give God’s grace. Key to this environment is the value that children are respected because they embody the image of God. We must speak to them, not at them, and we must commit to an environment where love and acceptance are never withheld because of one’s behavior. First Corinthians 13 says if we don’t have love, everything else we do is futile. It’s worthless. So, without love, it doesn’t matter if we have all the knowledge in the world. It doesn’t matter if we’re helping kids understand who God is, and we’re modeling what that looks like. If we don’t do all of it in a loving way, then it’s simply worthless! Wow! That’s a sobering thought. When we create an environment of LOVE AND RESPECT, we’re helping identify the image of God in every person. This month, be looking for ways to take the environment of LOVE AND RESPECT beyond your family time with HomeFront. Challenge your family to find opportunities to show love and respect to others in your everyday interactions!

Michelle Anthony

Executive Pastor: Parenting, Junior High, and Children | New Life Church Family Ministry Ambassador | David C Cook Twitter @TruInspiration

CONTENTS FAMILY TIME Family Verse

Capturing the Season

Worship

Conversation Starters

Storytelling

Create

Game Time

Family Time Recipe

Kids in the Kitchen

Prayer

God's Word

Tot Time Rhyme

Blessing

Taking Action

Global

Hugs & Kisses

Listening for Love

28 Ways to Say I Love You Fill It Up to Pour It Out! Bursting with Love

Heart-Shaped Scones

Spread the Love

God-Sized Prayers

Jesus Loves the Little Children Along the Road

Dream Centers

Global Love Rankings

INSPIRE, EQUIP, SUPPORT Student ID Middle School

Student ID High School

Everyday Mom Blog

Everyday Dad Blog

Tough Topics

Marriage

Spiritual Grandparenting

Book Spotlight

Choosing Respect

OUR MISSION

How I Got Respect Wrong

INSPIRE parents with ideas to create fun, spiritually forming times in the normal rhythm of everyday life. EQUIP parents to become the spiritual leaders of God’s truth in their own households. SUPPORT families to engage their communities and change the culture around them.

The Cup

With All Due Respect ... It's All about Consent A Life-Changing Forecast Love in Action

Grandparents: Respect the Parents!

Design and layout by Stephanie Reindel | stephanie@homefrontmag.com Backdrops and woodwork by Reclaimed Projects | Facebook: ReclaimedProjectsTX

LOVE & RESPECT | homefrontmag.com

EDITOR'S NOTE From birth’s first cry, we scream for our own personal needs to be met: “Feed me! Change me! Hold me!” As we learn to speak, the word “MINE!” comes easily, and that doesn’t change as we grow into adulthood. Claiming “MINE!” may look a little different as we age, but it is there underneath, motivating all we do. Learning to put others’ needs above our own does not come naturally. In fact, it is a constant struggle for most of us. Paul charged the believers at the church in Philippi to “value others above [them]selves” knowing full well the challenge it would be (Philippians 2:3). But Paul also knew this was how Jesus calls His followers to live. Jesus put our needs above His own because He loved us. When we receive and experience that great love, the Holy Spirit gives us the ability to love and respect others and put their needs above our own. Our hope is that this issue of HomeFront will give your family fresh examples of how to live in the environment of LOVE and RESPECT. From playing the game in GAME TIME (page 14) to baking HeartShaped Scones in the FAMILY TIME RECIPE (page 16), you won’t run out of ideas! In this month’s EVERYDAY MOM BLOG (page 34), new mommy Megan Marshman shares with us the importance of looking to God rather than our children to fill us up with love. Our EVERYDAY DAD BLOG (page 36) is an important message from Scott Dannemiller about teaching our sons respect for women. As your family members enjoy February’s focus on love, remind them that God’s love is the greatest of all. When we allow God’s love to fill us up, we can respectfully put the needs of others above our own and experience His love to the fullest!

Debbie Guinn

Editor in Chief | New Life Church dguinn@newlifechurch.org

WWW.HOMEFRONTMAG.COM Things you won't want to miss: • Parent blogs to inspire you • Mobile-friendly format • Lots of downloadable giveaways • Marketplace to purchase article bundles and more! The website is filled with fresh ideas and creative resources to help you spiritually parent your children.

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FAMILY VERSE Memorizing Scripture can be an incredible practice to engage in as a family. But words in and of themselves will not necessarily transform us; it is God’s Spirit in these words who transforms. We come to know God more when we’re willing to open our hearts and listen to His Holy Spirit through the words we memorize. Have fun with this verse, and think of creative ways to invite your family to open up to God as they commit the verse to memory. Consider purchasing an 8" x 10" frame to hold your family memory verse each month!

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family time

c a p t u r i n g t h e s e as o n

Hugs & Kisses The custom of adding an “X” to seal an envelope goes back to the early Christian era when a cross mark or "X" was the same as a sworn oath. The cross referred to the cross of Calvary and the first letter of the Greek word for Christ, Xristos. The "X" at the bottom of a document took the place of a signature. People would kiss the "X" as one might kiss a crucifix or Bible to emphasize the importance of the mark. It was this practice that lead to the "X" representing a kiss. The “O” represents arms wrapping around someone. As you celebrate Valentine's Day this month, allow this display to serve as a reminder that your family has made a promise to show love and respect to each other throughout the month!

LOVE & RESPECT | homefrontmag.com

family time

c a p t u r i n g t h e s e as o n 1.

Prepare your dye bath by filling the container with cold water about one inch deep.

WHAT YOU’LL NEED • 2 large pieces of foam core board • utility knife • pencil

• medium glass or plastic round container for dye bath • screwdriver (preferably Phillips-head) • needle-nose pliers

Dip your brush in red paint and then rinse it in dye-bath water.

Divide your package of coffee filters into several batches— approximately 25 to 30 per batch.

• 2 packages of 8–12 cup basket-style coffee filters • red craft paint • medium craft paint brush • yarn, twine, or ribbon for hanging • strong tape

Place the coffee filters one batch at a time into your dye bath to create an ombre effect.

Load wet brush with a small amount of red paint and slightly touch-up the edges of the batch of coffee filters.

Repeat the process with each batch.

Place the batches of coffee filters on an old towel and allow to dry for several hours.

With the utility knife, cut an X and O out of foam core board.

Using the screwdriver, poke holes about 1.5 inches apart all over the cardboard.

12. Thread each flower through a hole in the cardboard.

13. Repeat until you fill all of the holes.

10. With the tip of the needlenose pliers, widen each hole to about 1/4 inch in diameter. 11.

Separate dry coffee filters. Then pinch each middle, and twist each ruffled part until the filters resemble flowers.

14. Connect the X and O together using yarn, twine, or ribbon. 7

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family time

wo r s h i p

Listening for Love For a parent, life moves at high speed. Time is of the essence. We must work, educate, clean, cook, plan gettogethers, stay fit, volunteer ... the list goes on. Modeling to our children how to be productive with time is important. But just as importantly, we must slow down and show them how to build relationships with people and, most of all, with God.

We can teach our children, no matter their age, to worship God by listening for His voice. Read John 10:27. Talk to your kids about the fact that God knows them and His Word states they can hear Him speaking. Here are some different ways for them to plug into what God is saying: • As you read Scripture with your children, ask what stands out to them. God speaks to us through His Word.

When my inquisitive daughter was four and a half years old, she asked me, “Mommy, why won't God talk to me? I talk to Him, but I don’t hear Him talk to me.” As a parent, her words were a blow to my heart. It wasn’t because I felt God was deliberately not speaking to my little girl, but because I knew her little heart couldn’t comprehend why someone she loves wasn’t speaking to her.

• Play worship songs in the car. Ask your kids to listen to the words and think about what truths God might be impressing on them through the music. • As they play outside, teach them to close their eyes and be still. He can speak when they stop and take in His creation.

I explained that at times we can hear God speak when we read the Bible, sing songs, or when we pray. I mentioned that when she lies down at night, it’s a perfect opportunity to be still and tell God that she’s listening. God wants time with us and we have to open our ears to hear His voice.

• Encourage your children to pay attention to what trustworthy people around them speak over their lives. God often uses other Christians to speak His truth to us.

It was at this point that I wanted to plead with God to say something to her, but I knew this was a growth opportunity in her spiritual journey. She had to find Him for herself in order for authentic relationship to grow. My faith journey could only take her so far.

• During bedtime prayers, remind your children that prayer can be a two-way conversation. As they are quiet, they can listen for God to talk back.

A few weeks after that conversation, as my husband and I were tucking her into bed, she told me that God had spoken to her. My heart was overjoyed. She proudly said, “Mommy, I heard God and he said, ‘Brooklyn, I love you so much.’”

by Lindsey Snider Lindsey currently serves as a Creative Specialist for the International Pentecostal Holiness Church (IPHC) Discipleship Ministries Headquarters in Oklahoma City, OK. She has served as a Community Outreach Pastor, Kids Pastor, and Media Pastor across Oklahoma and Texas. Lindsey and her husband, Jared, have a daughter, Brooklyn, and a son, Jack. They love to travel, try new foods, cheer on the Texas Rangers, and cuddle with their dog, Frisco.

She had taken the time to listen to God, and to wait for Him to speak to her. She was not only learning to hear God, but she was also learning how to demonstrate love by waiting. 8

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family time

co n v e r sat i o n sta r t e r s

Conversation Starters DO NOTHING OUT OF SELFISH AMBITION OR VAIN CONCEIT. RATHER, IN HUMILITY VALUE OTHERS ABOVE YOURSELVES. PHILIPPIANS 2:3

This month’s Family Time Verse is full of wisdom for our families and provides a wonderful opportunity to dig a little deeper into God’s Word. Read Philippians 2:3 to your children.

GET YOUR CHILDREN TALKING • What do you think selfish ambition is? • What is vain conceit? • What is humility? • What are some ways you can value others above yourself? • What does this verse tell you about the way God wants us to treat others? • What are some practical ways you can live out this verse?

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family time

sto ry t e l l i n g

28 Ways to Say I Love You

#14

I do not believe you can over-love people. Sometimes it’s quiet and subtle, and other times it’s loud and, in my case, obnoxious.

My youngest son then added, “I know you love me when you tickle my back even though I’m all sweaty from soccer practice.”

The ever-inspiring Bob Goff, author of Love Does, says, “Do not save up love like you’re trying to retire on it. Give it away like you are made of it.”

I almost skipped my husband’s turn when he jumped in and said, “I feel most loved by you when you stop what you’re doing and look me in the eye when we’re having a conversation. Your undeterred gaze makes me feel loved.”

I want my family to be so saturated in my love that there is no doubt in their minds about where my heart is. Last night during dinner, I asked my family, “When do you feel most loved by me?” I expected a reference to those nights when I snuggle in bed and explain with my words how very much I adore them. But that was not the case. My teenager daughter began, “When I’m stressed out cramming for an exam, you sit at the foot of my bed and read a book. I know you’re only doing that to encourage me, but your presence really does calm me down.” My 11-year-old son chimed in, “When you put a note in my lunch box saying you’re praying for my math test, and you draw pictures of Minecraft figures. I know you hate video games, so you only do that because you love me.”

I froze with the sobering realization that my actions are an opportunity to communicate love to my family, but I often miss it. I didn’t understand the effect of my gaze on my husband or my presence on my teenager. I had forgotten the power of connection established through engaging in my son’s interests even if it does involve a video game. And what a reminder that physical touch can make us feel loved. by Allison Hendrix Allison is a writer and speaker from the sunny state of Florida. She married the cute boy from 7th grade, and their three children keep them laughing. She shares stories about her faith and family on her blog at The House Of Hendrix. Blog www.thehouseofhendrix.com Facebook The House of Hendrix. 10

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These 28 gestures are simply fun, memorable ways to infuse love into your family. Combine them with quiet, intimate moments of intentionality to fill your loved ones' love tanks this month. 1.

Tell your children how much you absolutely adore being their mommy.

Enter your child’s world for an afternoon. Let him teach you how to master Minecraft or perfect a cartwheel.

Make your man a card. He will appreciate your thoughtfulness, even if it isn't a masterpiece.

Refer to your husband or wife as your boyfriend or girlfriend in front of your children. Watch them giggle.

Leave love notes for your children on their pillows.

When you are in the line to drop your child off at school, keep driving. Have a parent/child day doing all of your favorite things.

Surprise your husband at work. Give him a simple kiss and then leave.

Have your children write a list of what they love about their siblings, then exchange lists.

Playfully tackle your little ones and smother them in kisses.

10. Throw in some tickles for some extra fun (even my 12-year-old lines up for this). 11.

Look your loved ones in the eyes every time they speak.

12. Remember your teenagers still need your hugs and physical touch. 13. Talk about unconditional love. Explain that nothing your children ever do can make you love them any more or less than you do now. 14. Leave "I love you" sticky notes in unexpected places. 15. Call your mom or grandma, and thank her for the ways she has been a role model for you. 16. Show up at school unexpectedly with a special lunch treat. 17.

Let your children catch you flirting with your spouse.

18. Have a girls' day with your daughter and get your fingernails painted together. 19. Leave sweet notes around your child’s room for them to discover. 20. Buy something pretty for your husband’s eyes only. 21. Tell your kids funny stories about when they were babies. 22. When your child is talking back, model gentleness, kindness, and, most of all, love. 23. Leave an encouraging note on your spouse's laptop. 24. Add a memorable touch to activities you are already doing together. My tough guys have been doing devotions and story time in the attic … just because. 25. Send text messages throughout the day that each start with, “I love you because …” 26. Ask your child what specific thing she would like you to do or say to fill her love tank. 27. Send notes in their lunchboxes so they know you are thinking about them and excited to see them again. 28. Love extravagantly, even when it’s hard. Whether through a gentle whisper or heartfelt action, may our families know the depth of our love.

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family time

c r e at e

Fill It Up to

Pour It Out!

A few years ago, my husband and I were making hot chocolate in a pot on the stove. We filled the pot with lots of water and added the hot chocolate mix, turned on the stove, and waited for it to heat. All of a sudden we heard a strange hissing noise coming from the pot—we saw the hot chocolate fountaining out of the pot, onto the stove, and down to the floor! We had a mess of hot chocolate everywhere. Sometimes when I think of God’s love, I’m reminded of our hot chocolate disaster. God pours His love into us every day through the words He speaks, small moments with friends, a comforting word from a family member, and through a million other demonstrations of His love. He continues to pour into us every day until we become so filled up with His love that it begins to spill out of us and onto all of the people around us. This month as a family, create your own bucket of love. Look for places you notice God or others pouring love into you, then remind your children that God fills us with His love so we can give it away. WHAT YOU’LL NEED

once the bucket is full, you will be giving it away to a friend or neighbor. As you decorate the bucket, talk about who you would like to give it to once it is filled.

• small bucket or pail • stencils, paint, construction paper, glue, or any other supplies you want to use to decorate the bucket

Place the bag of candy next to the bucket. Each night throughout the month, gather as a family and think through how you experienced God's love that day. After someone shares a story, he or she can drop a piece of candy into the bucket.

When you give away your bucket of love, encourage the family who receives your gift to empty the bucket and follow the directions to refill and give it away to another family. Have fun together as a family tracking where your love bucket goes each month!

• a bag of wrapped candy (enough pieces to fill the bucket) • card printout from bit.ly/homefrontpouritout WHAT YOU’LL DO 1.

Decorate the outside of the bucket with hearts, the word "love," this month’s memory verse, or any other décor that will remind your family to love one another throughout the month. Keep in mind that

by Krista Heinen Krista is the NextGen Associate Pastor at Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, WI. Krista helps equip and support the families at Elmbrook through resources, events, and conversations. Twitter @KristaHeinen 13

LOVE & RESPECT | homefrontmag.com

family time

game time

Bursting with Love WHAT YOU’LL NEED

bag breaks through the tissue to open a bowl, invite the player to walk up, remove the piece of paper inside, and read it out loud (little ones may need help). Take a moment to talk about the statement and what it means.

• 20 strips of paper • pen • scissors • 20 small paper bowls • 5 sheets of bright pink tissue paper, cut into fourths • 20 rubber bands • bean bag or small ball • masking tape

Continue playing, taking turns, until all of the bowls have been opened. Encourage your family members to hold on to their papers and place them somewhere visibile as reminders of God's truth and love. LET’S ADD A TWIST (OR TWO) If you want to make this game more personal and specific, consider creating and designating a smaller, whole heart to each family member.

BEFORE YOU START With your family in mind, use the strips of paper and a pen to write a phrase of love, kindness, or truth on each piece. Here are some ideas to get you started:

If you want to make this game a little sweeter, it may be fun to throw a piece of valentine’s candy into each bowl along with the statements.

—— You are loved. —— You are wonderfully made. —— You are a part of God’s family.

REMEMBER

—— God gave you special gifts to use for His purposes.

As people who follow Jesus, we get to receive a never-ending outpouring of God’s love. This amazing love and kindness is not just for us to hold on to, but to share with others. We are called to let this love overflow from our hearts. As this game comes to an end, ask your children how it made them feel or what they thought about the truths they read. Encourage them to share this kind of love with friends at school or family they see on the weekend. Remind your children that love like this, love from a perfect King, is not meant to be kept to ourselves, but to be shared throughout the world.

—— God is always with you. —— You are a child of the one true King. Once you finish writing the statements, place one strip of paper in each paper bowl, cover with a piece of tissue paper, and place a rubber band around the bowl to secure it. Clear a space either inside or outside of your home and place the bowls in the shape of a heart. Use a piece of masking tape to mark a spot about 5 to 10 feet away from the heart. This will be where your family will line up to play!

by Heather DePartee

TIME TO PLAY

Heather has been in children’s ministry for seven years and is currently working at The Well Community Church in Fresno, CA, as the Kids Ministry Director for one of their three campuses. She has gone back to school for a degree in early childhood development and is loving every second! She is married to Adam and is crazy about pretty house plants.

This game is for the whole family! Invite everyone to line up behind the piece of masking tape. The first player will toss the beanbag or small ball toward the heart, trying to land it on a bowl. If the bean 15

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family time

fa m i ly t i m e r e c i p e

Heart-Shaped

Scones

JUST LIKE LOVE AND RESPECT GO HAND IN HAND, THESE HEART-SHAPED SCONES WILL PERFECTLY PAIR WITH THE "SPREAD THE LOVE JAM" FROM THIS MONTH’S KIDS IN THE KITCHEN (PAGE 20). ENJOY THEM TOGETHER AS A FAMILY OR PACKAGE THEM UP TO GIVE AWAY!

Prep Time: 15 min. Cook Time: 10–12 min. Yields: 18 scones WHAT YOU’LL NEED

WHAT YOU'LL DO

• 2 1/2 cups flour

Preheat oven to 425° F.

• 2 teaspoons baking powder

Lightly grease a large baking sheet; set aside.

• 1 teaspoon baking soda

Sift flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt into a large bowl. Stir in sugar. With your fingers, rub in butter pieces until mixture is crumbly.

Mix in cranberries or cherries.

With a fork, stir in egg, yogurt, and lemon peel; blend well to make a dough that barely holds together (you may need to press dough together with your hands).

Turn out onto a floured surface. Roll with a floured rolling pin or pat dough with your hands to make a round about 1/2 inch thick.

Using a 1-inch heart-shaped cookie cutter, cut into hearts. Place hearts 1 1/2 inches apart on baking sheet; brush tops lightly with milk.

Bake 10–12 minutes or until scones are risen and golden. Transfer to a wire rack to cool for 5 minutes.

• 1/2 teaspoon salt • 1/2 cup sugar • 6 tablespoons cold butter, cut into small pieces • 1/2 cup dried cranberries or cherries • 1 egg, beaten • 1 18-ounce container plain yogurt • 1/2 teaspoon grated lemon peel • milk, for brushing on scones * For an easy metric conversion chart, search the Internet for “metric kitchen.”

by Debbie Guinn Debbie is the Editor in Chief of HomeFront. She has more than 25 years of experience working in children’s and family ministries. She is passionate about equipping parents to become leaders of God’s truth in their own households. Her most cherished time is spent hanging out with her grandkids—they are her favorite people on this planet! Instagram @homefrontsp Twitter @homefrontsp 17

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family time

k i d s i n t h e k i tc h e n

Spread the Love Spread the love this month by making this simple strawberry jam and sharing it with friends and family. You can download the label from bit.ly/homefrontspreadthelove and allow your kids to attach labels to the mason jars. Double the recipe for double the love and be sure to try this yummy jam on the Heart-Shaped Scones in our FAMILY TIME RECIPE (page 16). Total Time: 30 min. Yields: 1 3/4 cup WHAT YOU’LL NEED • 16 ounces strawberries, hulled and coarsely chopped • 3/4 cup sugar • 2 tablespoons lemon juice • 2 small (8-ounce) mason jars * For an easy metric conversion chart, search the Internet for “metric kitchen.”

WHAT YOU’LL DO 1.

In a heavy saucepan, mix strawberries, sugar, and lemon juice.

Stir over medium-low heat until the sugar dissolves.

Increase heat to medium-high and bring mixture to a rolling boil.

Stir frequently, mashing the strawberries as you stir. Continue to boil until jam is thickened and bubbles completely cover the surface of the jam—about 15 minutes.

Transfer the jam to mason jars and let cool to room temperature.

Seal jars and store.

Jam can be stored in refrigerator for about 10 days, or frozen until ready to use.

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family time

p r ay e r

God-Sized Prayers When is the last time you asked for something big?

The first is that it will require faith along the way. The Psalmist says, “trust in Him and He will do this” (v. 5). The need to have faith in this endeavor is justified because the reality is, the desires you have right now may not be your truest desires—the ones that will be the best for you and will bring about God’s glory in the long run.

When is the last time you prayed for something big? Do you dream God-sized dreams? Do you lack the faith to ask or do you feel unworthy to receive the answers to these expansive dreams and prayers?

Ultimately, God wants to bring about His will, and that includes glorifying His Son, Jesus. It just so happens that when you live a life that is heaven-bent (that’s right heaven-bent, not hell-bent) on bringing Jesus glory, you’ll experience the greatest soul-satisfying feeling you could ever taste on earth. And at the end of the day, this is the thirst-quenching fulfillment of the desires you have in your life right now.

Chances are, if you are like most people, you bounce back and forth between these and many other excuses to not engage in extravagant asking—whether it is asking from your friends, your family, or your heavenly Father. I know for me, my pride often keeps me from asking others for help. I like to think I am self-sufficient and independent. I don’t need anybody to help me. I don’t want anybody to help me. Why? Because that would infer that I am unable to achieve and accomplish my desires and goals on my own. My lack of humility not only discourages my ability to engage in loving partnerships with my friends and family, but it deters me from humbly approaching God’s throne to ask Him for the things I may need or desire most.

So the question needs to be asked again: When is the last time you asked God for something big? Have you asked for Him to satisfy those desires in your life, to bring to fruition your dreams, and to take you on the adventure of a lifetime? FAMILY TIME As a family, discuss how praying tenaciously and boldly ultimately shows proper respect for God, His Word, and His passion for you. Discuss how our “heart approach” is what God looks at. A prideful heart that doesn’t pray at all, or a disrespectful and demanding spirit that does not recognize God’s perfect plans and timing are both dishonoring extremes. Spend a few moments with your family identifying and praying God-sized prayers with hearts of godly respect and awe.

Other times, my perception of “respect” keeps me from asking for anything. I erroneously categorize respect for God as not imposing my desires or small needs upon Him. After all, He’s the God of the universe. He doesn’t need to be told what to do or how to do it. If I persist in prayer for someone or something, am I not showing disrespect toward God’s sovereignty? Psalm 37:4–5 says, “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this.” Scripture validates our desires! Did you know that God Himself not only cares about your desires, but He wants to see them come to fruition in your life? “How?” you might ask. By simply delighting yourself in Him. “So, you’re telling me that all I have to do is ’delight’ in the Lord, and He will bring about my dreams and desires?” Well, yes. But, there are a few things to keep in mind:

by Brendon Anthony with Michelle Anthony Brendon is the co-founder of Harvest Craft. He has a bachelor's degree in Environmental Sciences from Biola University, and is currently pursuing his MS in horticulture from Washington State University, researching apples. He spends his downtime adventuring and camping with his husky, Kaskade, in the Washington mountains.

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family time

g o d ' s wo r d

Jesus Loves the Little Children

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family time

g o d ' s wo r d

The word "love" often triggers images of huggykissy, mushy-gushy, sappy, heart-fluttering, kneeweakening scenes … all of the things that make kids go, “Ewww!” But, as anyone who is married or has children knows firsthand, love is far more than sweet feelings. Love requires action on days when all you want to do is quit. The same is true with respect. We can glibly say that we love and respect our children, but what does it look like to show that love and respect on a daily basis?

you, listen. Get on their level and look into their eyes. When you ask them to do something, say please. Thank them for the things they do that you appreciate. Acknowledge when they have done a good job. Say you’re sorry when you wrong them, and ask for their forgiveness. Treat them with as much respect as you would treat any adult in your life.

To show respect to a child means to treat him like a full human being. He may not be fullygrown, but he is a whole person nonetheless. To respect a child is to give her dignity, to see the image of God in her, and to know she has equal worth with any adult. When we view children as God views them, it frees us to interact with them as God does: with love and respect.

Take a look at Mark 10:13–16. Read it together as a family. This helpful passage shows us how Jesus thinks about and interacts with children. After reading it, discuss these questions:

HEAR IT

• How does Jesus treat the children in this story? • How do other people treat the children in this story?

Though Jews in Jesus’ day had a generally positive view of children, this view was not shared by everyone in the Greco-Roman world. Jesus’ inclusion of children was radical. He invited them to come to Him, took the time to bless them, and made the claim that they not only have a rightful place in the kingdom of God, but that they model for adults how to enter God’s kingdom! When we see how Jesus showed respect to children, it raises the bar for us to do the same.

• What does this story tell us about how Jesus views children? What clues help us see that? DO IT Sit down with your children and brainstorm a list of actions that help each of you feel respected. Finish the sentence, “I feel respected when you …” Possible actions might include “… answer me when I ask a question, obey the first time I ask, say thank you,” etc. Write each action on a slip of paper and put the slips in a jar. Each night, gather your family and pull a slip out of the jar. Encourage each person to reflect back on the day and share any instances they remember of showing or receiving respect in the way mentioned on the paper slip. (If they think of an incident from their day where someone failed to show respect, discuss that as well.) End your time by praying together and asking God to help you grow in showing each other love and respect.

It is easy, when parenting, to focus on what it looks like to receive respect from children. You may have found yourself this week saying something like, “Look me in the eyes! Listen to me when I’m talking to you! Say please! ...” and the list goes on. However, I wonder what it would be like if parents thought a little more about being the first one in the relationship to give respect. After all, we are the adults! If we focus on being the ones to give respect to children, we will model for them what it looks like to give respect back. Parenting is hard, and it is constant. When you’re in the trenches, the easy thing is to get frustrated and to act disrespectfully toward your children. That is our natural, sinful inclination, but it is not God’s best for us or for the kids God has entrusted to our care.

by Emily Schulz Emily is the Director of Family Ministries at New Denver Church in Denver, CO. She is enjoying the newlywed life with her husband, Phil, and recently graduated with her MDiv from Denver Seminary.

This month, focus on what it looks like to show respect to your children. When they talk to

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tot t i m e r h y m e ( ag e s 3 & u n d e r )

ALONG

THE ROAD

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you SIT AT HOME and when you walk ALONG THE ROAD, when you LIE DOWN and when you GET UP. Deuteronomy 6:6–7

SIT AT HOME

ALONG THE ROAD

LIE DOWN

GET UP

This month, while you are in the car and have a captive audience, remind your little ones of how much God loves them by teaching them this rhyme to the tune of "Mary Had a Little Lamb."

1. ,

My Jesus, He is loving me Loving me, loving me Jesus He is loving me He’s always loving me So I will live respectfully yes indeed, yes indeed I will live respectfully 'Cause God is loving me by Jeff Fernandez Jeff Fernandez is the worship director at Beachcities Church in Huntington Beach, CA. His passion is raising up other leaders and pointing people to honor God with their lives. He loves cooking and spending time with his wife, Heidi.

Get the audio recording of this song at bit.ly/februarytottime Repetition is fundamental to almost any learning style, so when you’re teaching your children, use repetition! 24

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blessing A BLESSING CAN BE A PRAYER OF COMMISSION, A BIBLE PASSAGE, OR WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT. BLESSINGS CAN BE SPOKEN OVER A CHILD FOR THE PURPOSE OF DECLARING GOD’S PROTECTION, JOY, AND WISDOM OVER HIM.

My two-year-old is a pistol.

works; my soul knows it very well. (Psalm 139:13–14 ESV)

She was formed in the same womb that brought forth her easygoing, sweet-as-sugar older sister, but to quote a folk song I heard years ago, my little one has “glitter and vinegar” running through her veins.

For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. (1 Corinthians 12:14–18 ESV)

As any parent of a strong-willed child can attest, the clash between our kids’ desires for autonomy and our own innate desires for respect can easily trap us into “because I said so” parenting. In the heat of the moment, putting our proverbial foot down and demanding their respect seems like the easy solution. But respect cannot be demanded. It must be earned. When we refuse to put in the hard work of learning and appreciating our children’s bents, we communicate to them a lack of respect for their own uniqueness and intrinsic value. And when we refuse to adapt our parenting methods in a way that honors both our authority and their individuality, we communicate to God a lack of respect for His sovereignty. He knew exactly what He was doing when He placed these children in our care—no matter how overwhelmed and incompetent we may sometimes feel—and He trusts us to parent them uniquely for His glory.

BLESS Then, pray this blessing: “[Insert child’s name], may you know that you were created uniquely and intricately by God, and gifted with strengths and abilities to bring Him glory and further His kingdom. May you remember that your life is a testament to His redemptive plan, and that you were designed with purpose. May you take your place in the body of Christ, and seek to honor God wholeheartedly with every good and perfect gift He has bestowed upon you.”

I have found that the more I seek out my strong-willed daughter’s strengths and respect her individual gifts, the more I respect God as a precise, creative, Master Craftsman.

by Brittany Bray Brittany is a born-and-bred Oklahoman living in the heart of Tornado Alley with her husband and two young daughters. She is a homeschooling mama by day, an aspiring picture book author by night, and a lover of literature, worship, fitness, "The Office," and coffee (give her allllll the coffee).

READ Read Psalm 139:13–14 and 1 Corinthians 12:14–18 over your child: For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your

Blog letterstomylittles.com Facebook Letters to my Littles

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ta k i n g ac t i o n

WE PROVIDE HEALTH AND HOPE FOR PEOPLE IN COLORADO SPRINGS WHO ARE WORKING TO REBUILD THEIR DREAMS. Dream Centers are made possible through the people leveraging their resources and serving to see this city flourish. We collaborate, provide holistic care, and balance our motives of compassion and justice in order that broken lives may be restored to wholeness. MISSION Provide health and hope for people working to rebuild their dreams. VISION Beyond denominations and affiliations, one vision unites our varied efforts: Our city’s greatest strengths will meet our city’s most pressing needs as we link arms in providing long-term solutions for people in need of care. CENTERS • Women’s Clinic • Adopt-A-Block • Mary’s Home

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ta k i n g ac t i o n MARY'S HOME The vision for Mary’s Home is to have a thriving, faithbased community helping single-mom families make the transition from homelessness to a healthy, stable living environment where they can experience holistic transformation and interdependence. The families participate in a life-building program through phases offering health and hope as they work to rebuild their dreams and reach their goals. The housing is in a safe environment and includes support provided by family advocates, resident mentors, and weekly community connection with volunteers.

This long-term vision, offered in a safe haven, supports our clients who get to dream again, and design their lives anew. But before Mary’s Home was born, Brady Boyd, Pastor of New Life Church and Chairman of the Dream Centers Board, asked God for a vision and name for this new idea. He was reminded of some of Jesus’ final words: Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman, here is your son,” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home. (John 19:25–27)

Moms and their children are the fastest growing group of people experiencing homelessness, mainly because of domestic violence and generational poverty. It is a tragedy across the nation. After local leaders from public and private sectors in Colorado Springs, CO, made this need clear to us, we had to respond. We believe lives are transformed when we serve the whole person, addressing the root causes of homelessness and poverty. But it isn’t something that happens quickly. God is all about relationships, which take time to develop. It’s only in the context of long-term, healthy relationships that the deep healing work of the Spirit takes place in Mary’s Home. Families can stay up to five years, allowing for in-depth healing, vocational training, and even four-year college degrees.

More than 1.6 MILLION children, or 1 in 45 children experience homelessness in America each year.*

From Jesus' depths of suffering and final breaths, he commissioned his best friend to care for His single mother. The name Mary’s Home comes from this idea of caring for single moms and their kids as if we are their own family, moving them into our own homes. We remember that it’s Jesus' love for everyone—especially for the vulnerable among us— that compels us to join in His love for and mission to people in our places of home, work, and life in our city.

Over 92% of homeless mothers have experienced severe physical and/or sexual abuse during their lifetime.*

Children experiencing homelessness have 3X the rate of emotional and behavioral problems compared to non-homeless children.*

*Statistics from the National Center for Homeless (NCFH)

LEARN MORE Website dreamcenters.com

Facebook Dream Centers

Instagram @dreamcenters

Twitter @DreamCenters

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g lo b a l

Awakening a compassionate heart and a global mind-set in children for people beyond the boundaries of their own neighborhoods.

Global Love Rankings In 2006 and 2007, Gallup visited 136 countries and asked people, "Did you experience feelings of love during a lot of the day yesterday?” On a typical day, around 70% of the world's population reported that they experienced love the day before. This is not necessarily the romantic kind of love—it includes the love of a child, a parent, family, or good friends. From: www.gallup.com/opinion/gallup/170510/quantifying-love-around-world.aspx

TOP 10 COUNTRIES WITH THE MOST WIDESPREAD FEELINGS OF LOVE & HOW TO SAY, “I LOVE YOU” IN EACH NATIVE LANGUAGE:

Country

% Feeling love

I Love You

Language

Philippines

93%

Mahal kita

Filipino

Rwanda

92%

N dag ukunda

Kinyarwanda

Puerto Rico

90%

Te amo

Spanish

Hungary 89%

Szeretlek Hungarian

Cyprus

88%

Se agapó

Greek

Trinidad & Tobago

88%

I love you

English

Paraguay 87%

Rohayhu

Guarani

Lebanon 86%

Ahabak

Arabic

Costa Rica

85%

Te amo

Spanish

10. Cambodia

85%

Khnhom sralanh anak

Khmer

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g lo b a l DRAW A LINE FROM THE NAME OF THE COUNTRY TO THE SHAPE OF THE COUNTRY.

Philippines

Rwanda

Puerto Rico C

Hungary D

Cyprus E

Trinidad & Tobago F

Paraguay

Lebanon

Costa Rica

10.

Cambodia

Answer Key: 1G 2B 3I 4J 5F 6A 7E 8C 9D 10H 29

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st u d e n t i d (middle

school)

Choosing Respect Every summer we loaded up several 15-passenger vans and headed up to the Delta for a house-boating trip with our junior high students. We jumped off the boat countless times, chased sheep on a little island, wake boarded, and played endless card games—but the heart of the trip was spent cultivating our relationship with Jesus. We awoke to birds chirping and still water to dive into solitude time, while evenings were spent in epic worship on top of the boat, watching the sky transform through shades of orange to purple to star–filled as we sang songs of praise to the One who created it all. I distinctly remember my first trip: None of us really knew what we were doing, but we chose to be faithful to the day at hand. One night, one of the drivers of the boat looked at us leaders and simply said, “I like how you guys run this trip; it’s different then other youth groups I see.” Curiosity piqued, I asked what he meant by that. He went on to talk about how we didn't treat the students like kids or dumb down material, we just gave it to them straight and they were actually responding to it.

You may find yourself as a parent wondering how to truly reach your teenager. How do you challenge and encourage him to be all God wants him to be—to live a life worthy of the calling he has received? Maybe it's as simple as loving him the way Christ has loved you. Maybe it's as simple as treating him the way you want to be treated. We are all in the process of growth, we all make mistakes, we all have victories, and, in the midst of that, we all want to know that our lives are worthy enough for someone’s deep admiration. Let the words found in 1 Corinthians 13 be of great encouragement to us: “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal … and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. … Love never ends” (vv. 1, 2b, 4a). The more secure you are in the great love your heavenly Father has for you, the more equipped you will be to listen intently, to forgive quickly, and to love your child more deeply.

I remember laughing inside to myself because, at that point, many of us had not had any formal training in junior high ministry. There was a need and we had stepped into it. We taught and challenged from a place of what God was teaching us. We shared and loved the way we wanted to experience Christ. It has often been said that people will rise or fall to the expectations you have of them. But those expectations can’t come without love or investment. We chose to invest into those students, to know who they were, and to challenge them with the same Word that we would want to be challenged by.

by Rachel Closs Born and raised in Virginia, Rachel graduated with a degree in graphic design and psychology from Salem College in Winston-Salem, NC. In search of an adventure, she found herself moving to California where she worked for a church for seven years before becoming the high school camp director for Hume Lake Christian Camps. She longs for students to not just know the truth, but to live it out.

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equip

st u d e n t i d (high

school)

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st u d e n t i d (high

school)

How I Got Respect Wrong In my sophomore year of college, I had the privilege of leading a small group of 12 high school guys. When I first began, I thought I was placed in that position because I had more "life experience.” If a student asked me about how he should approach a difficult conversation, pursue a girl he had a crush on, or how to interpret a Bible verse, I could say, “Well, from my experience, I think …” and then suggest how he should go about it. Doing that can be helpful at times, but my problem was that I believed my life experience entitled me to their respect.

were not as old as me and did not have as many experiences, then what actually made me respect them? My definition of who I respected had to be more inclusive.

That assumption came crashing down during the high school ministry’s scavenger hunt at the mall. My small group didn’t want to participate in the game because they weren’t interested in scavenger hunts like they had been in middle school. I did my best to rally them, but in the end, they all left me to walk around and check out the stores. I saw that as a huge sign of disrespect, not only toward me, but toward the other groups that were actually playing the game, and the other volunteers who had put the event on.

Although I don’t have any kids, I think the lessons I learned from working with high school students can be very useful for parents. We can show respect in practical ways by assuming that the young person we are talking to is also right. In a conversation or disagreement, always ask yourself, “How is she right?” or, “What truth can I learn from her?” That will revitalize how we have conversations because our responses will no longer be preaching at them. Asking how your high-schooler is right will help you listen and discern the goodness in her words.

I needed to be reminded that everyone is made in Christ’s image, which means that everyone has access to truth, and the ability to find truth is not based on age or experience. Respect is not defined by how readily someone obeys you or listens to you (although it certainly is a part of it). Respect can be defined as the belief in another person’s ability to discover truth as well as or better than you can.

I was frustrated, and as I talked with one of the students about it, he said, “Sometimes you act like you know everything.” He explained that he and the rest of the group often felt that I patronized them and it was easier to tune me out or walk away.

Knowing that respect is not based on any of our own merit is a humbling thing to realize, and easy to forget. However, remembering Christ’s love can help us persevere in this. He chooses to love us and walk with us in our lives. Emulating His love is the source of truly respecting other people.

That was a big revelation. I came to see that I rarely respected someone if I believed he or she did not have the same life experiences as I did. Since I based respect on age and shared life experiences, I thought I deserved my group's respect. That alone is a problem, but, more importantly, I wondered if I had ever truly respected my small group. If they

by Robert Heckert Robert is a senior at Biola University studying English. He has worked in youth ministry for four years and is passionate about the value of discussion to discover truth alongside others. 33

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The Cup Megan Marshman

Like many of the people throughout Scripture, I all too often settle for much less than what God intended. It’s no wonder the apostle Paul knelt down to pray desperately for the Christians in Ephesus to be “filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” We all want to be filled and we all have a cup. Growing up, I used to run and splash love on everyone with my cup of love. I’ve always loved loving people. The only problem with my cup was that after I loved someone, I would hold out my (now) empty cup in their direction to be filled up by their opinions of me. And when people liked me, I felt filled up. I was filling my cup with their splashes of good opinions, and I thought that would fill me. If they liked me, appreciated me, noticed me, or pursued me, then I felt filled up. And it worked, for a bit … just enough to keep me coming back for more.

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But what happens when they don’t? What happens when you go unnoticed? Unappreciated? What happens when you discover you’re holding out your empty cup in the direction of people who are holding out their empty cups in your direction? For me, holding my cup outward didn’t end with childhood. It crept into my marriage and eventually I found myself holding out my cup to be filled by my son. As you might guess (or might know), all that running around only made me feel more empty. As I reflect back on my first year of motherhood, I understand Theodore Roosevelt’s words more deeply: “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Not only did I compare my parenting skills to other mothers, I regretfully began to compare my boy with others. How many months would it take him to roll over? Whose kid was crawling, and by when? The comparisons became conscious the day I saw a boy the same age as my son take his first steps at nine months. I knew I should be excited for him and I didn’t want to compare, but because I was holding out my cup in my son’s direction, I felt disappointed. Cue my competitive side. I persistently stood my son up; he would smile and then plop right back down. His first birthday came and went and he still wasn’t walking. I recognize that some of you reading this may find me overdramatic, but I’m not writing for you. I’m writing for the moms who relate to the crazy that pops into our minds when it comes to our kids. I was experiencing an emptiness and decline in my joy as I was searching for it away from its Source. Who knew (but God, of course), I needed to take a step first. During one quiet time spent alone with Jesus in my soul-searching-quiet-time chair, I was challenged with my empty cup and the direction it was pointing. God graciously reminded me that I was designed to love like my Maker, not out of a need to fill an emptiness, but in a way to share fullness. This was only possible by holding my cup upward instead of out. The beauty of being filled by the true Source is that His love is abounding. Imagine Niagara Falls. But now, think bigger. Imagine a cup standing upright, as it was created to stand, with God’s infinite love rushing over it. Then, we’d effortlessly overflow into the lives of others; not from ourselves, but from the Source, so that He can be their Source, too. And isn’t this what we want for our kids? God can fill your cup in a way that frees you from the exhaustion that running maintains. It’s only when we stop running for the love and respect from others that we’re able to fully and honestly receive the gracious love God gives, and begin spilling over into the lives of our kids. We’re then moved to love, respect, and overflow into our kids—not out of a need to be loved by them, but to share out of the abundance of being loved by Him. Megan has devoted her life to loving and listening to God and overflowing His love to others. She is driven to empower others to experience spiritual formation for a lifetime faith. Currently, Megan is the Director of Women’s Ministries at Hume Lake Christian Camps and Associate Dean of Youthmin Academy. She co-wrote the book, 7 Family Ministry Essentials, with Dr. Michelle Anthony. Megan lives in Long Beach, CA, with her husband and son. Website www.meganfate.com Instagram @meganfate Twitter @meganfate

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With All Due Respect ... It's All About Consent Scott Dannemiller

The day my daughter was born, something inside me changed. My senses were heightened. I stood a little taller. Not only because of pride, but also because I knew my role had changed. I was no longer just a parent. I was now a protector. Over time I have come to realize that protecting my daughter isn’t just wrapping her in a big plastic bubble or brushing up on my Ultimate Fighting skills to ensure people show her the appropriate respect. No, it’s more about teaching her to be a strong, confident woman that respects herself and others. I am happy to report that, at just nine years old, my daughter seems to know who she is and understands just how powerful God made her to be. But I still worry about her. Every day, we hear countless news reports that highlight the dangers women face. Famous comedians spiking drinks. College athletes taking advantage of their privilege. Young gymnasts assaulted by coaches over a 20-year period. I soothe myself by reasoning that these cases are anomalies, but the truth is, one in five women will be raped in her lifetime. One in four girls will be sexually abused before she turns 18. We can’t ignore these statistics. I now realize that by focusing all of the attention on my daughter, I have been woefully out of touch, indirectly fanning the flames of victim-blaming. Confidence and strength are no match for this beast. Teaching our daughters to use commanding voices and karate chops will barely move the needle. The truth is, if we want to protect our daughters, it starts with our sons. And teaching them about consent. Because stranger danger isn’t the problem here. It’s the cute kid your daughter works with at the fast food restaurant. The funny guy in her church youth group. The helpful one on her group project at school. It’s my son. And yours. To think otherwise is to live in a state of denial. Eighty percent of sexual assault victims know their attacker. I would love to think that simply telling my ten-year-old son that he needs to respect women is enough. But that won’t cut it. He’s bombarded by images of “women-as-entertainment” every day. Watch any sporting event on television and tell me it’s not true. From the cheerleaders on the court to the ladies peddling Viagra during commercial breaks, it’s non-stop. But it has to stop. A few weeks ago, I overheard my son talking with his friends about which girls they liked at school. It provided the perfect opportunity for an awkward-yet-meaningful conversation. I caught up with him a few hours later. 36

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“Hey son. Can I talk to you about something?” “Okay, Dad.” “It’s about kissing girls.” “Can we talk about something else?” “Maybe later. But right now I need to be sure you understand something.” “Okay.” “There might be a time when you feel like kissing a girl. Kissing is great! But you need to ask if she’s okay with that. It’s not okay to just grab a girl and kiss her. You’re not in charge of her body. She is. And even if she says it’s okay to kiss her and your lips are one inch away from hers, if she changes her mind and says, ‘No,’ you have to back away. Even if the kiss already started. Girls are allowed to change their minds. In fact, based on my experience, you should expect a girl to change her mind a lot.” “Okay, Dad. I won’t kiss a girl if she doesn’t want to. Is that all?” “Nope. Let’s say you and some of your buddies are with a girl and ask her to kiss one of you. She might say, “Yes,” even if she means “No.” Like when your buddies gang up on you and dare you to do something stupid, you might do it because you feel pressured, but you don’t really mean it. So don’t ever pressure a girl like that. It’s not right. And it might actually be against the law.” “Wow. Okay. Can we talk about something else?” “Sure. But we’ll probably talk about this again sometime.” I’m sure psychologists all over the country are cringing right now, just like my son. But it’s not enough to offer general platitudes and tell our boys to respect women. We need to provide details about what consent really means. Otherwise, we are the ones responsible for painting a black and white issue with shades of gray. Sometimes giving voice to the voiceless starts at home. Within your own four walls. So, if you’re a dad, I implore you, for the sake of daughters, wives, and mothers, man up and teach your sons about consent. Because the time is now. And the answer starts with us. Below are some age-appropriate ways we can teach our kids about respect and consent. Toddlers: Start to build awareness early. When you are playing, make sure “no" means "no.” If you are tickling, teasing, or chasing, the instant someone says “stop,” respect their wishes. If anyone has to say “no” more than once to get a behavior to stop, make sure whoever did not stop on the first request offers an apology (especially if the offender is you). And never coerce them into physical contact with another person (i.e., "Hug your Aunt Kelly!"). Pre-K: Teach the difference between silence and expressed consent. Before initiating physical contact, always ask permission: “Can I give you a hug?” “Do you need help going to the bathroom?” And rather than waiting or pressuring for a “Yes,” acknowledge when body language is saying “No,” and tell them you understand. A tentative yes is not a yes. Young Children to Pre-teen: Respect your kids’ need for privacy in bathrooms, when changing, etc. And ask for privacy yourself. If they aren’t knocking on doors yet, teach them by modeling the behavior. And, when you have the official “birds and bees” talk, make sure you talk about consent as part of the discussion. Teenagers: Be as specific as you feel comfortable here. Talk about how alcohol can impair a person’s ability to express and acknowledge consent. Reiterate that silence does not mean “Yes.” Bring current events into the discussion. There is no shortage of high-profile cases involving famous people, and there is enough detail to make you and your kid blush. But remember, it’s the detail that helps remove the gray areas that lead to trouble. Scott is a writer, blogger, worship leader, and former missionary with the Presbyterian Church (USA). He and his wife, Gabby, reside in Nashville, TN, with two very loud children. Scott is the founder and president of LifeWork Associates, a leadership development consulting firm focused on bringing more trust and authenticity to corporate America. His recent book, The Year without a Purchase: One Family’s Quest to Stop Shopping and Start Connecting, has been featured on Good Morning America, Today.com, MSNBC, and FABLife. Blog accidentalmissionary.net Facebook Scott Dannemiller Twitter @sdannemiller

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to u g h to p i c s

A Life-Changing Forecast It gave him some sense of control over something that felt wildly uncontrollable to him. I would occasionally post his reports on my social media accounts for our friends and family to see, and this ultimately opened up the door for him to actually meet his favorite meteorologist, Dallas Raines, in person. This may have been the highlight of his young life. Friends and family commented on his reports, telling him how much he had helped them, and you could see the excitement in his eyes that someone else wanted to talk about the weather. As silly as giving a weather report may seem, it provided hope and peace for him, and for all of us.

I still remember the weekend three years ago that Jackson’s fear and fascination with weather began. We were having quite the storm (for Orange County, CA), complete with hail, lightning, and thunder. His little seven-year-old face was full of terror at this unknown mystery happening outside, and he spent the entire weekend in his bed, unwilling to even step foot outside the walls of our home. Jackson was officially diagnosed with autism at the age of four. Throughout the ten years of his life so far, a struggle with obsessiveness and anxiety has always been a challenge for him. On that stormy weekend in January three years ago, all his fear and anxiety immediately directed itself at the weather, and it stuck. He repeatedly asks throughout the day what the weather will be, checking weather apps on every device he can get his hands on. A single cloud in the sky can send him reeling. And on days that are truly rainy or windy, his fear can be all-consuming and paralyzing. As a parent, it is devastating to watch your child be so overcome with fear by something you know cannot and will not hurt him—and yet you are completely helpless to convince him. The fear and fascination with weather has kept Jackson from participating in countless opportunities, affected his relationships with peers, and drastically impacted his school performance.

Several months ago, we decided to create a private Instagram account (@jacksonlovestheweather) for the sole purpose of letting Jackson give his own daily weather reports. He sees it as his responsibility to help people know what is coming, and being "in control" of the weather for others has given him a sense of security. The weather can still terrify him, and there are days when he won’t come out from under his covers when the wind is howling, but he has also stood on the beach in the pouring rain, tears streaming down his face, to bravely tell others what to expect and that they don’t have to be afraid. Just this morning, he asked me if he could stand in the rain to give his daily weather report so that other people would know they had nothing to worry about. It may seem like a small thing, but in our world, it is huge!

My husband and I continually look for opportunities to help Jackson conquer his anxiety. I recognize that I cannot change who he is or how his brain functions, but I can do everything possible to encourage him toward health. So much of the experience of parenting Jackson leaves me feeling helpless and incapable, fully aware of his needs, but unable to meet them. So when we see glimmers of hope, we grab on tight and chase them.

Jackson is a kind, funny, thoughtful child, but sometimes his fear and anxiety are the only things others can see. I never thought that high-pressure systems, cold fronts, and precipitation percentages would be the things that would allow him to shine, but my little meteorologist is doing just that. And now, if you love Jackson, you also love the weather.

Almost two years ago, Jackson discovered a local news channel’s meteorologist and was mesmerized with his daily weather reports. Jackson began recording each newscast and studying them over and over. Soon he was giving his own 5 to 10 minute forecasts. Fear and anxiety met fascination and curiosity. We began noticing that while he was still quite fearful on cloudy days, he was able to cope with everyday weather much better when he was able to fully give us his own report.

by Shara Bachman Shara is a mom of three and has been married to a youth pastor for 14 years. She has worked as an elementary-school teacher and a children’s ministry director. Three years ago her passion for photography led to her own full-time business specializing in newborn babies. Website bachmanvillephotography.com Instagram @sharabachman 39

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m a r r i ag e

Love in Action Casey often goes into hyper-focus work mode with music blasting in his earbuds as he types away on his laptop. In comes Meygan, filled with excitement about a personal breakthrough. However, upon interrupting her husband to vent and process what she’s feeling, she is nonverbally shut down with a look of complete annoyance.

Does this scene sound familiar? How does a spouse respond with respect after being treated this way? Depending on who’s reading this, you're probably siding with Casey or Meygan, but you could say both people feel disrespected in that moment. Here’s an alternate version of what could have happened.

13. Surprise each other at work for a lunch date.

10. Kiss for at least 15 seconds. 11.

14. Ask about your spouse's goals and how you can work together on them. 15. Give a back or foot rub. 16. Don’t interrupt when the other person is talking. Romans 12:10: Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. The choice to love, honor, and respect your mate will push you to the limits of what you feel you are capable of. It’s courage to choose to act in love when you least feel like it. But that's the definition of respect.

Meygan: While feeling like a total inconvenience to Casey, she chooses not to criticize him for his lack of courtesy, quickly forgives his dirty look, and asks him when a good time to talk would be.

Anyone can do the easy days of marriage. But rarely during the hard times do we feel like respecting our spouses. A common phrase we say at Marriage365 is, “I CHOOSE LOVE.” This is our mantra because it reminds us that love and respect inside marriage is a choice you make regardless of how you feel. It’s your intentional response after your spouse snaps back a comment loaded with sarcasm, forgets your anniversary, or interrupts you while you're typing away on your laptop.

These small moments reveal the health and vitality of your marriage. Courageous couples fight the urge to pull away or fight back with hurtful comments. Instead, they have cheat sheets or a list of creative ways to act with respect in the moment they most lack the creativity to show it. Here’s a quick-reference list of 16 ways to act on your love and respect for your spouse. Show common courtesy by saying “please" and "thank you."

Recall a funny story when you were dating each other.

Send a romantic text.

List out five things you are thankful for in your marriage.

Apologize when you’re wrong.

Extend forgiveness before being asked.

Make their concerns your concerns.

Listen with empathy and don’t minimize your spouse's feelings.

Offer to give your spouse the day off from responsibilities.

12. Compliment your spouse daily.

Casey: While being interrupted makes him feel disrespected, he chooses to take a break, close his laptop, and focus on what his best friend and lover is saying.

Limit your screen time, especially around each other.

Now it’s your turn! Sit down with your spouse and create your own cheat sheets. Ask for specific and clear ways you can show love and respect. by Casey and Meygan Caston Casey and Meygan launched Marriage365 as a way to help educate couples on how to do marriage well by giving them practical tools through a variety of online resources. You can find them at www.marriage365.org. They have been married for 13 years and live in Southern California with their two children. They love building up marriage and going to the beach. Instagram @Marriage365 41

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s p i r i t ua l g r a n d pa r e n t i n g

Grandparents:

Respect the Parents!

According to Solomon, â&#x20AC;&#x153;The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdomâ&#x20AC;? (Proverbs 9:10). I want my grandkids to have spiritual wisdom. Wisdom begins with awe-filled respect (fear) for God. Because learning respect is so vitally important for my grandkids, I know I must model it in my relationship with God and with their parents. 42

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s p i r i t ua l g r a n d pa r e n t i n g

“I only said it out of love.” Marie, the grandmother on the sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond, often justified her cutting remarks with this phrase. Whenever she didn’t approve of the way her grandchildren were being raised (or how Debra and Ray ran their home), nothing restrained her opinions. We laugh because it is a TV comedy, but when you hear something similar in real life, it is no laughing matter. Comments like that hurt—no matter how we try to justify them. Such remarks are examples of disrespect. I know. I’ve been on the receiving end of such remarks. Unfortunately, I’ve been the giver as well. However, I am learning—and now that I am in the grandparent role myself, I’m attempting to be a better catalyst for respect. Here are three things I try to remember: 1. Advice, if not asked for, is usually viewed as criticism. My mom had come to visit us for a week. Our kids were small, and Mom had her ideas about what the kids ought to be doing and not doing. She had strong feelings about things like completely cleaning your plate, and she generally disdained all television shows. Our family routines, which weren’t as stringent as hers, grated on her, and she couldn’t help but make comments. She didn’t mean them to hurt, but they did hurt my wife, Diane, and I felt caught in the middle. 2. Although I am still a parent (noun), I no longer parent (verb). Our roles have changed, haven’t they? God gives the parents authority and responsibility over their home; grandparents move into a different role—a multi-generational responsibility of passing on our spiritual heritage. That means we don’t meddle in the small stuff of daily family life (remember #1?) so we can be more effective in our new task. If we want our children to respect our role, we must respect theirs. 3. A good relationship with the parents (especially the mother) is primary. Without it, grandparents may not be able to enjoy and spiritually influence their grandchildren. If passing on spiritual heritage is our mission, then a harmonious relationship with the parents is the conduit. In difficult situations, the mission may demand a strategy of leading with grace and extending unconditional love. But we must do it if we want to be effective in seeing future generations follow Christ. “That’s well and good,” you say, “but you don’t know my situation.” What if the grandkids are out of control? Or what if one (or both) of the parents is making bad choices? What if your grandchild’s mom or dad isn’t worthy of respect? Then here’s a brief outline of your strategy: • First, redouble your efforts to improve the relationship with the parents. Find ways to connect and pursue them. • Remember to never undermine their rules or their role. Damaging words like, “Don’t tell your mom, but …” should never come out of your mouth. • Always build up the parents in what you say to the grandkids. Model respect. • Finally, be worthy of respect yourself. Keep your promises. Don’t make threats you won’t follow through on. Show respect. Yes, you, Grandpa. And you, Grandma. Teach it, too. Respect is better caught than taught—but best if both caught and taught. It is the beginning of wisdom—something our grandkids desperately need. by Larry Fowler After 40 years of children’s ministry, Larry Fowler has followed God’s call on his life to found the Legacy Coalition, a group of national ministry leaders who are focused on envisioning and equipping Christian grandparents. He is looking forward to leading the first ever national conference on Christian grandparenting! grandparentingmatters.org legacygrandparentingsummit.com 43

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b o o k s p ot l i g h t

A Girl and Her Heart

You are beloved. You are ENOUGH. In a world with so many competing voices, it's more important than ever that little hearts hear this early and often. And it’s important for our big-girl hearts to hear it too. You are loved, so loved, just for being YOU! This is the first illustrated storybook of the Big Truths for Little Hearts series—and it's no mistake that it starts with the core, the heart of everything: reminding hearts young and old that we are enough without any of love’s trinkets. Because love itself is already ours. Priceless love. Without cost. And timeless beauty. Without expiration. This storybook is a great gift for little and big hearts alike on any occasion, and a special stand-out for your favorite girl on Valentine’s Day, or for baby showers, birthdays, and graduations (of all varieties). 44

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ENDORSEMENTS “This tale reminds us how to get back to a place before doubt began.” —— Nick Benoit, Creative Director, Willow Creek “In A Girl and Her Heart, Brooke Mardell effectively shares deep, essential truths for little hearts in compelling ways.” —— Megan Fate Marshman, Speaker, coauthor of 7 Family Ministry Essentials BEHIND THE PAGES WITH THE AUTHOR When I wrote A Girl and Her Heart, I was listening, finally, to the still small voice that was fighting through all my noise and hurts and was asking me if I really believed I was enough. And here again, on the most beautiful of mornings, with incredible things to celebrate all around me, I have to pause and hear that voice again. Because it's still saying the same thing: Do I really believe I am enough? It’s tricky, the more you put a message into the world, the more you have to fight to believe it. Because there are just so. many. other. voices. And they tell us that we need to BE … something. Something more. Something else. Something "better." Something _______. It’s an ever-moving target. I recently had breakfast with a very successful and well-respected attorney here in Orange County, CA. He began telling me a story of an earlier "failure" in his career. He started to say, “I’m embarrassed to tell you this …” and then stopped himself and said (“No, I’m not embarrassed. That’s not my name. I’m Mark, the Beloved.”) as if it was in parentheses. At the time, I thought it was kind of a corny exercise—especially to do out loud, in front of a stranger. I’ve been doing it ever since. Because, oh my goodness, THAT is the Father’s voice. Do you hear it? It tells us exactly what we need to be. Be loved. Because you are. Without anything extra. Without anything you can add or do. You are so, so loved. Because I am. I am so, so loved. Without being something else, something more, something ___________________. We are BELOVED. That’s why this book exists. Because we need to hear this truth over and over again. Because we are so good at collecting love’s trinkets, these things we think make us MORE, but love itself is already ours. And it comes to us without cost. Because it’s who we are—we are the Beloved. We need to preach this Big Truth to our girls. And we need to preach it to ourselves too. Out loud. No matter how corny it might feel. “No, I’m not Brooke the Author/Wife/Friend. I’m the Beloved.” Practice, out loud: I’m not ___________, the ____________. I’m the Beloved. And your girl, your girl, ___________, is the Beloved. With every order of A Girl and Her Heart at brookemardell.com, enter HOMEFRONT at checkout and I’ll personally sign it to your Beloved Girl. I hope she treasures this message deep in her heart. Because she is enough. And she is so, so loved. by Brooke Mardell Brooke makes her home in Southern California, where she and her husband, Jason, are living a miracle. Together they run Home4Good, a real estate team dedicated to ending the orphan crisis. Brooke is the author of Friday’s Rain, a Bible study that tackles grief and promises life from loss, and A Girl and Her Heart, a children’s book on identity, the first of the Big Truths for Little Hearts series. Brooke loves all things in or on the ocean, likes coffee dates but not coffee, and while she hasn’t been everywhere, it’s on her list. She writes and explores on her blog. Website brookemardell.com 45

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ENVIRONMENTS The order of the 10 Environments listed coincides with the monthly distribution of this resource.

“God has entrusted me with the things and people He created around me.”

“Asks the question, ‘What needs to be done?’”

Serving This posture of the heart asks the question, “What needs to be done?” It allows the Holy Spirit to cultivate a sensitivity to others and focuses on a cause bigger than one individual life. It helps fulfill the mandate that as Christ-followers we are to view our lives as living sacrifices that we generously give away!

Responsibility This environment captures the ability to take ownership for one’s life, gifts, and resources before God. A child must be challenged to take responsibility for his or her brothers and sisters in Christ, as well as for those who are spiritually lost. Our hope is that the Holy Spirit will use this environment to allow each child to understand that God has entrusted His world to us.

“God fills me with His love so I can give it away.”

“God has a big story, and I can be a part of it!”

“God transforms me when I step out in faith.”

Out of the Comfort Zone As children and students are challenged to step out of their comfort zone from an early age, they learn to experience a dependence on the Holy Spirit to equip and strengthen them beyond their natural abilities and desires. We believe this environment will cultivate a generation that, instead of seeking comfort, seeks a radical life of faith in Christ.

Love&Respect Without love, our faith becomes futile. This environment recognizes that children need an environment of love and respect in order to be free to both receive and give God’s grace. Innate to this environment is the value that children are respected because they embody the image of God. We must speak to them, not at them, and we must commit to an environment where love and acceptance are never withheld due to one’s behavior.

Storytelling The power of The Big God Story impacts our lives by giving us an accurate and awe-inspiring perspective into how God has been moving throughout history. It is the story of redemption, salvation, and hope and tells how I have been grafted into it by grace. It further compels us to see how God is using every person’s life and is creating a unique story that deserves to be told for God’s glory.

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“I belong to God,

“God knows me, and I can know Him.”

and He loves me!”

Knowing Nothing could be more important than knowing and being known by God. We live in a world that denies absolute truth, and yet God’s Word offers just that. As we create an environment that upholds and displays God’s truth, we give children a foundation based on knowing God, knowing His Word, and a relationship with Him through Christ. God is holy, mighty, and awesome, and yet He has chosen to make Himself known to us!

“When I get off track, God offers me a path of healing.”

“I see Christ in others, and they can see Him in me.”

“God’s family cares for each other and worships God together.”

Course Correction This environment flows out of Hebrews 12:11–13 and is the direct opposite of punishment. Instead, biblical discipline for a child encompasses a season of pain, the building up in love, and a vision of a corrected path for the individual with the purpose of healing at its core.

Identity This environment highlights who we are in Christ. According to Ephesians 1, we have been chosen, adopted, redeemed, sealed, and given an inheritance in Christ … all of which we did nothing to earn. This conviction allows children to stand firm against the destructive counter-identities the world will offer.

Faith Community God designed us to live in community and to experience Him in ways that can only happen in proximity to one another. The faith community serves to create an environment to equip and disciple parents, to celebrate God’s faithfulness, and to bring a richness of worship through tradition and rituals, which offer children an identity. Our love for each other reflects the love we have received from God.

IT IS OUR PRAYER THAT HOMES AND CHURCHES WOULD CREATE THESE ENVIRONMENTS FOR CHILDREN TO LIVE IN SO THEIR FAITH WILL GROW IN A COMMUNITY OF CONSISTENCY, COMMON LANGUAGE, AND PRACTICE. TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HOW THESE ENVIRONMENTS CAN IGNITE A TRANSFORMING FAITH IN YOUR FAMILY, WE SUGGEST YOU READ:

Modeling Biblical content needs a practical living expression in order for it to be spiritually impacting. This environment serves as a hands-on example of what it means for children to put their faith into action. Modeling puts flesh on faith and reminds us that others are watching to see if we live what we believe.

SPIRITUAL PARENTING: An Awakening for Today’s Families

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.

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You are Beloved. You are Enough. This beautifully illustrated storybook echoes the mystery that hearts of every age need to hear over and over again: you are loved, so loved, just for being YOU!

A Girl and Her Heart priceless love. timeless beauty.

“This tale reminds us how to get back to a place before doubt began.” - Nick Benoit, Creative Director Willow Creek Church

“I love this book because of the

way that it talks.” - Sophia Rose Age 9

Available at

BrookeMardell.com Amazon.com BarnesandNoble.com

“In A Girl and Her Heart, Brooke Mardell effectively shares deep, essential truths for little hearts in compelling ways.” - Megan Fate Marshman Author, 7 Family Ministry Essentials