Homefront sept 2015 by Christ Community Church

SEPTEMBER 2015

a spiritual parenting resource

I belong to God and He loves me!

homefrontmag.com 1

IDENTITY | homefrontmag.com

GETTING STARTED

28 THE ONE QUESTION

36 EVER FEEL LIKE YOU'RE COMING UNRAVELED?

EVERY PARENT NEED AN IDENTITY

SHOULD QUIT ASKING!

TUNE-UP?

IDENTITY | homefrontmag.com

EDITOR’S NOTE

CONTENTS

We each have our own personal identity—it’s what we believe to be true about ourselves combined with what others have told us. However, this personal identity usually gets in the way of accepting how God truly sees us. To find our identity in Christ, we must abandon any image of our self that is not from God.

FAMILY TIME

God takes our identities and weaves them together into one beautiful masterpiece. No thread—good or bad—is wasted in this masterpiece. When the Weaver looks, all He sees is His loved and redeemed creation. This month’s FAMILY VERSE (page 5) reminds us that God works ALL things together for good—even the false identities we have latched onto or the world has given us. In STORYTELLING (page 8) Michelle Anthony shares the importance of speaking words of identity into the lives of our children. The BLESSING (page 23) is a powerful reminder that “as parents our primary goal should be to cement truths of identity into our kids in a world trying to rob them of it.”

Family Verse

Capturing the Season

Storytelling

Create

Worship

Game Time

Conversation Starters

Family Time Recipe

Kids in the Kitchen

Prayer

God's Word

Traditions

Blessing

Taking Action

Global

Burlap & Branches Fall Frame

Speaking Identity Identity Tapestry Creator of All We Are a Web

It's Who We Are

Peanut Butter Sandwich Cookies

Creamy, Crunchy, Sweet, & Salty Pasta One in Christ Chosen

TUDENT ID (page 33) encourages parents to learn the art of empowering S their middle schoolers through asking intentional questions. While TOUGH TOPICS (page 36) tackles the problem of finding our identity in the wrong things and how we react when that identity begins to unravel.

Identity Tune-Up

It is no easy task to internalize the truth that God chooses us as His own and, honestly, it's impossible to impart that truth to our children if we can’t fully grasp it ourselves. Our prayer is that this issue of HomeFront will be a catalyst for those life changing conversations.

The Shine Project

Debbie Guinn

Canada

INSPIRE, EQUIP, SUPPORT Everyday Parent Blog

Spiritual Grandparenting

Tot Time Rhyme

Student ID

Marriage

Tough Topics

The One Question Every Parent Should Quit Asking

Editor in Chief David C Cook debbie.guinn@davidccook.com

Who, Why, & How? Get Up

Vow of Silence

Let’s Be Social! HomeFrontSP

HomeFrontSP

Share your photos using the hashtag #homefrontmag

Identity in Christ Unraveled Identity

IDENTITY | homefrontmag.com

It’s our pleasure to offer HomeFront in print! We couldn’t be more excited to offer individual subscriptions as well as bulk orders delivered right to your doorstep.

Simply go to the link below to subscribe today:

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Michelle Anthony

Vice President and Publisher of Learning Resources | David C Cook

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T witter @TruInspiration

We believe that the Holy Spirit is God’s chosen teacher. It is He who causes spiritual growth and formation when and as He chooses. As such, we have articulated 10 distinct environments to create in your home. We desire to create spiritual space, which we refer to as an environment, in which God’s Spirit can move freely.

Here’s to a new step in our adventure of spiritual parenting!

The environment of IDENTITY highlights who we are in Christ. According to Ephesians 1, we have been chosen, adopted, redeemed, sealed, and given an inheritance in Christ. This conviction allows children to stand firm against the destructive counter-identities the world offers.

FAMILY VERSE

Our culture constantly feeds our families the lie of false identities. School, friends, TV, magazines, music, and so much more continually tell our children that who they are isn’t good enough, that they need to be someone different. As we attempt to spiritually raise our families and redeem what the world has taken, it’s essential to be rooted in truth.

Memorizing Scripture can be an incredible practice to engage in as a family. But words in and of themselves will not necessarily transform us; it is God’s Spirit in these words who transforms. We come to know God more when we’re willing to open our hearts and listen to His Holy Spirit through the words we memorize. Have fun with this verse, and think of creative ways to invite your family to open up to God as they commit the verse to memory.

We have to affirm the Christlikeness we see in our children as they strive to stand firm against false identities. In a world that finds identity in shallow and fleeting things, only the truth of our identity in Christ can offer true meaning and purpose.

Consider purchasing an 8" x 10" frame to hold your family memory verse each month!

IDENTITY | homefrontmag.com

family time

c a p t u r i n g t h e s e as o n

While we all know that our calendar year officially begins in January, for parents of school-aged kids, September can almost feel more like the real beginning of the New Year. As we leave behind a season filled with long days, late bedtimes, sunshine, and vacations, we find ourselves entering a new season—one that, while often bringing welcomed structure back into our lives, can also tend to quicken our pace and leave us with little room to breathe, let alone carve out valuable family time. This second New Year provides the perfect opportunity to sit down as a family and select a Bible verse you feel best represents the heart attitude with which you would like to approach the coming months. As you look to Scripture for the right verse for your family, ask each person what ideas they have for how they can be a light for Christ this school year. Once you have chosen your family verse, have some fun displaying it. A burlap and branches frame not only welcomes fall in style, it’s easy to make with your kids and provides the perfect backdrop for your verse. You may also choose to select one of the HomeFront monthly family verses to fill your frame as a reminder to live in the environment highlighted each month in the magazine. WHAT YOU’LL NEED • piece of burlap, cut to desired size • branches or sticks • twine • yarn needle by Vanessa Hunt Vanessa is the author of the lifestyle blog, At the Picket Fence, where she hopes women of all ages and stages will feel folded into a community. At the Picket Fence is the place to meet for inspiration, encouragement, ideas, laughter and support. Vanessa writes and creates from her home in the beautiful Willamette Valley in Oregon, and while she doesn't hug trees very often, she does take her coffee very seriously. She shares her home with her husband Robb and their two children. Website atthepicketfence.com Facebook At The Picket Fence Instagram @atthepicketfence Pinterest meetuatthefence Twitter @meetuatthefence

IDENTITY | homefrontmag.com

family time

c a p t u r i n g t h e s e as o n

WHAT YOUâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;LL DO 1. Cut burlap to desired size. 2. Trim branches to fit along edges of burlap, overlapping them to frame the fabric. 3. Thread needle with twine. Beginning in a bottom corner, poke the end of the needle through the fabric, then up and over the branches. 4. Work your way around the frame, stitching the branches and burlap together. 5. Once youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve made it all the way around the frame, tie knots at each end of the twine on the backside of the fabric to secure it in place. 6. Print out your family verse and use a pushpin to secure it to your burlap frame and display it where everyone can see it as a daily reminder.

IDENTITY | homefrontmag.com

family time

sto ry t e l l i n g

When I was 14 years old, my father was the chairman of the deacon board, which also made him the chairman of the search committee when we were looking for a new pastor. The pastor my father called was Dr. James R. Cook, but to me he was Uncle Jim. He wasn’t my biological uncle—he was a spiritual uncle of sorts to our entire family.

do you mean by that?” He said, “I’m not talking about pastor in a positional form. I’m talking about a pastor from a posture of your heart.” He continued, “A pastor is really a shepherd. It’s somebody who loves and feeds sheep, it’s somebody who cares for the flock that Jesus has put around him. A pastor is someone who sees sheep as people God has entrusted to him to love and to lead.” Those words felt authoritative to me because of who they were coming from.

He had been on the mission field with my grandfather for many years in India, he had baptized my father, he had dedicated my sister When I was 14 years old, looking like a and me when we were just infants, and he shepherd may have meant eating with a lonely had been at numerous sheep at lunch. When I other spiritual milestones was 17 years old, looking with my family. He was a like a shepherd meant that spiritual mentor to us. We I wanted to feed every Parents, you have the planned a welcome dinner homeless person in our city honor of speaking to celebrate his arrival. on Thanksgiving Day. When identity into your children During the dinner, the other you’re 17 years old and you’re kids were off doing what a shepherd, you don’t think every single day. Your teenagers do, but I wanted about the logistics of feeding words can build them up to sit right next to Uncle thousands of people—you and guide them to find Jim and listen to his stories. just take it very literally when He told stories of being Jesus says, "Feed my sheep." their identity in Christ. on the mission field, he So, I gathered together told stories about teaching hundreds of people, who the gospel to someone in cooked hundreds of turkeys, languages he had never for thousands of people. But learned, he talked about standing before a I had neglected to think of one thing: how do you firing squad and walking away from it alive, he transport hundreds of turkeys from the school talked about sharing Jesus with the most unlikely cafeteria to the place where thousands of people leader in the most unlikely country and how are eating? So, as a shepherd intent on feeding that man had dropped to his knees and received sheep, I talked to the school board who allowed Christ immediately. me to use the school buses to transfer turkeys to the place where we were feeding. That’s just what As I sat next to him listening to these stories, you do if you’re a shepherd. I cried. He turned to me and said, “Michelle, you have the heart of a pastor.” Now, I had watched pastors come and go, be beaten up, yelled at, kicked out, and criticized, and that did not sound like a compliment to me. So I asked him, “What

Later, in my 20s, looking like a shepherd was raising my two children and being a stay-at-home mom. And in my 30s and 40s, a shepherd was being a children’s pastor, or a family pastor.

IDENTITY | homefrontmag.com

family time

sto ry t e l l i n g

Today, being a shepherd means caring for ministry leaders wherever God sends us. Being a shepherd has shaped everything. My Uncle Jim, my pastor, said those words to me 34 years ago, and they have shaped everything since. Just two years ago, my adult son got a tattoo on his arm—it’s his spiritual testimony, so to speak. At the bottom of his arm, there is a treasure chest filled with icons for each family member. For me, he chose a shepherd's staff. Of all the things he could have put in for his mother, he put in a shepherd's staff. What is even more remarkable is that he did not know the story of Pastor Jim speaking those words to me 34 years ago. I cried. My son thought it was because he got a tattoo (which it sort of was), but a shepherd's staff has literally defined my identity: the decisions I make, how I view people, how I view the gospel, how I view my very existence and role in God's big plan and story. I don’t say that with any selfadmiration, but I say it to show how powerful our words are in creating an identity for somebody. How powerful it is when people with spiritual authority speak into our lives. by Dr. Michelle Anthony Michelle Anthony is the Vice President of Learning Resources and the Family Ministries Architect at David C Cook. Michelle has graduate degrees in Christian education, theology, and leadership, and over twentyfive years of church ministry experience as a children’s and family pastor. She lives in Colorado Springs and loves a good book and a cup of coffee.

IDENTITY | homefrontmag.com

family time

c r e at e

WHAT YOU’LL NEED

Have you ever compared the front and back of a tapestry? What is clear on the front is disguised on the back. Strings that make no sense and appear to be knotted and unraveled ends actually produce a beautiful piece of art when the tapestry is turned over. This reminds us that God is working all things together for good in our lives even when we can’t see it or others tell us differently (see Romans 8:28).

• plastic canvas mesh (one for each family member) • yarn, multiple colors • yarn needles • marker

We have all taken on the identities others put on us. We’ve gotten tangled in the web of lies the enemy wants us to believe about ourselves—that we are not enough, no good, a failure, etc. But this is not how God sees us. While we only see the underside of the tapestry of our lives, God sees the top—the beautiful picture He is weaving. He sees us as His chosen, His redeemed, His adopted and deeply loved children.

WHAT YOU’LL DO 1. Choose an identity word and write the word with marker on the canvas mesh. 2. Thread the needle and weave one solid color of yarn to spell out the word you have chosen. 3. Using multiple colors and lengths of yarn, cover the rest of the mesh to create your “tapestry.”

This month, allow each family member to choose an identity word that defines how he or she feels seen by God and create a tapestry.

After completing your tapestry, compare the front to the back. Remind your child that no matter what we see or how our lives feel, God sees the front of the tapestry and wants us to trust Him. *Here are a few identity words to get you started: chosen, adopted, redeemed, loved, accepted, forgiven, beloved, daughter, son, seen, known, enough, wanted, delighted in, special, heard, cherished, precious, privileged, cared for, set free. by Debbie Guinn Debbie is the Editor in Chief of HomeFront. She has over 25 years of experience working in children’s and family ministries. She is passionate about equipping parents to become leaders of God’s truth in their own households.

IDENTITY | homefrontmag.com

family time

wo r s h i p

TEACHING CHILDREN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CREATOR AND CREATED CAN FEEL CHALLENGING. BUT LIVING AND MOVING AND HAVING YOUR BEING AS CREATED, NOT CREATOR, WILL BE MORE CAUGHT THAN TAUGHT.

True worship is a way of life. Paul spoke in Acts 17:28–29, “In him we live and move and have our being ... Being then God’s offspring, we ought not to think that the divine being [the Godhead] is like gold or silver or stone, an image formed by the art and imagination of man” (ESV). The Athenians had become religious, incorporating the things they loved into an act they called worship. True worship adores God as Creator of all, and everything else (the created) is subject to Him. God deserves to be worshipped as Creator by the created.

and moving and having your being as created, not Creator, will be more caught than taught. The wonder of those crystal clear moments when we see God engaging in our everyday grind of life is living worship! When our children see us have such a moment, it isn’t time to lecture them; it’s time to let the Holy Spirit infuse that awe-struck and wonderfilled space to speak something God-sized into their own spirits. In a child’s life, wonder is birthed in the same place where worship will eventually emerge! Encourage wonder in living, moving, and being. Simply take a family walk around your neighborhood or a nearby park. Adore the Creator as you enjoy the created trees and flowers. Point out the things that people made, like the slide and swings, and note the difference. Pray together and tell God how beautiful He is! Enjoy His creation, but worship Him!

Being made in the Creator’s image sets us up for true worship. However, if we don’t see ourselves as His created beings and live in the value that He alone gives us, we may likely turn worship upside down like the Athenians did, and worship the image of Christianity and things of God instead of God Himself. For example, we can worship the routine of our quiet time instead of God in the quiet time. Or we might serve a homeless person, being simply moved by the need to feel good about doing something godly. Michelle Anthony says in Spiritual Parenting, “ … once you grasp the magnitude of who you are in Christ, it will affect everything else” (p. 75). Living in our true identity puts Creator and created in proper perspective.

by Roxanna Grimes Roxanna co-founded The Relationship Warehouse with her husband, Guy, in Costa Mesa, CA. She writes, travels, and speaks to women and girls about their value in Christ. She loves coffee, good books, and turning junk into beautiful. therelationshipwarehouse.com

Teaching children the difference between Creator and created can feel challenging. But living

Pearlology.blogspot.com

IDENTITY | homefrontmag.com

family time

game time

ALL PLAY

WHAT YOU’LL NEED • ball of yarn (rainbow color, if possible) BEFORE YOU START Find a space that is a good size for your family to sit in a circle. Place the ball of yarn in the center. TIME TO PLAY! Gather your family around and have them sit in a circle. Explain to your family that you will start off the game with the ball of yarn in your hand. Share something fun about yourself that makes you special. Some examples are:

fun it is to know that by sharing all different things about yourselves, you were able to create such an amazing web!

• “My favorite color is … ”

REMEMBER!

• “I have lost three teeth.”

Encourage your children to remember that, just like everyone shared, God created each of us individually. Some of us have brown hair, some of us don’t like peaches, some of us are really good at math, etc., but something we can all find in common is that our true identity is in Christ. When we find our true identity in Christ, all of these different and special things about us can create something big, amazing, and beautiful—just like the web we made! Remind your kids that as they go out into the world, they can be sure of their identity in Christ. While we are all created in unique ways, God weaves His children together to create a wonderful story!

• “I’m really good at math.” • “I have freckles.” • “Peaches are my least favorite food.” After you share something about yourself, roll the ball of yarn to someone else while holding onto the loose end. The family member who gets the ball of yarn will share something special about himself, then roll the ball to another person, holding on to the strand of yarn. Continue this pattern until you have created a giant web. Once the web has been created, have everyone gently set it down on the ground. Take the time to look at the web together as a family. Talk about the different shapes you see and how

by Heather DePartee Heather is a newlywed and works as an Instructional Aide for kindergarten students in Fresno, CA. She spent three and a half years working on the Families team at ROCKHARBOR Church in Costa Mesa, CA as an assistant to the Early Childhood Director, participating in the development of Tru Curriculum, and as an admin to the team.

IDENTITY | homefrontmag.com

family time

co n v e r sat i o n sta r t e r s

ADOPTED C

S E N LOVED O H

VALUED B

V E LO

K N OW

REDEEME

IVE

E D ACCEPTED

WA N T E D D E H S I R E CH SET FREE

We are loved by our Father in heaven; it’s who we are. Ephesians 1:4–5 says, “In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.” God’s love for us is so undeniable it literally shapes our identities. GET YOUR CHILDREN TALKING 1. How do you know God loves you? 2. What are some ways He has shown you He cares for you and/or our family? 3. What are some of the attributes you love most about our Father in heaven? (Parents with younger children, you may need to start them off with ideas.) 4. What do you think it means to “find our identity in Christ?” by Kara Noel Lawson Kara is the Social Media Manager for HomeFront. She is a homeschooling mom to four and a freelance writer for the Orange County Register and Family Magazine. Kara speaks at moms groups about how the small things in our lives can make a big impact. Twitter @KaraNoelLawson Instagram @KaraNoelLawson Blog smallthingsarebigthings.com 13

IDENTITY | homefrontmag.com

family time

fa m i ly t i m e r e c i p e

Have you ever been identified by a recipe? You know, that one special thing everyone asks you to bring when they invite you to a party. It’s your specialty and no one else can make it quite like you do. Well, for me, it's these Peanut Butter Sandwich Cookies. It doesn’t matter the holiday or event, these cookies are a hit every single time. Believe me, I know. I’m asked to make them everywhere I go! by Tracey Olguin Tracey recently retired from 30 years of teaching in the public school system. With her new-found spare time, she plans to go back to school for a degree in Interior Design and increase her involvement with her ministry in El Salvador. She and her husband, Guy, live in Costa Mesa, CA.

Prep Time: 20 min.

Cook Time: 10–12 min.

Yields: 16 sandwich cookies

WHAT YOU’LL NEED COOKIES

FROSTING

• 1/2 cup butter, softened

• 1/4 cup butter, softened

• 1/2 cup creamy peanut butter

• 1/4 cup cream cheese, softened

• 1/2 cup sugar, 1/4 cup additional sugar for rolling

• 1 cup powdered sugar

• 1/2 cup brown sugar • 1 egg

• 1/4 cup peanut butter (either creamy or chunky)

• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla

• ½1/4 cup brown sugar

• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

• 1 1/4 cups sifted flour • 3/4 teaspoon baking soda • 1/4 teaspoon salt * For an easy metric conversion chart, search the Internet for “metric kitchen.”

WHAT YOU’LL DO COOKIES

FROSTING

1. Preheat oven to 375° F.

1. In a large bowl, beat together the butter, peanut butter, and cream cheese with an electric mixer. With the mixer on low speed, add the powdered sugar a little at a time, then mix in the brown sugar until smooth and creamy. Add the vanilla extract.

2. Mix the first 6 ingredients. 3. Add the rest of the ingredients. 4. Mix well. 5. Roll into small balls, then roll in sugar. Place cookie balls on parchment paper.

2. When the cookies have cooled, frost one cookie and top with another.

6. Bake for 10–12 minutes on ungreased cookie sheet. Ovens vary so your baking time may be shorter. Just keep an eye on them. 15

IDENTITY | homefrontmag.com

family time

k i d s i n t h e k i tc h e n

This pasta salad is filled with something for everyone. The salad is creamy and crunchy as well as sweet and salty. The great part about this recipe is that kids can choose their favorite ingredients and add them to the salad. Older children can help cut the grapes, mix the dressing, and toss the salad. Play a game while making this salad—see if your children can identify what makes the salad creamy? Crunchy? Sweet? Salty? Prep Time: 10 min.

Total Time: 15 min.

Yields: 8–10 servings

WHAT YOU’LL NEED • 2 chicken breasts, cooked and shredded • 8 ounces (1/2 pound) bowtie pasta • 8 ounces (1/2 pound) spiral pasta • 1 small can pineapple tidbits, drained (8 ounces) • 1 cup chopped celery • 2 green onions, sliced • 1/2 of 5 ounce package dried cranberries • 1/2 of 8.5 ounce can cashews • 1/2 cup red grapes, halved • 1 small can mandarin oranges, drained (11 ounces) • 1/2 cup cole slaw dressing • 3/4 cup mayonnaise * For an easy metric conversion chart, search the Internet for “metric kitchen.”

WHAT YOU’LL DO 1. Boil the chicken and let cool. Shred into small pieces. 2. Cook the pasta according to package directions. Drain and rinse under cold water. 3. In a small bowl, combine the cole slaw dressing and mayonnaise. 4. Combine the remaining ingredients in a large bowl. 5. Pour the dressing over the top and mix together. 6. Refrigerate for at least½ half an hour.

IDENTITY | homefrontmag.com

family time

p r ay e r SO IN CHRIST JESUS YOU ARE ALL CHILDREN OF GOD THROUGH FAITH, FOR ALL OF YOU WHO WERE BAPTIZED INTO CHRIST HAVE CLOTHED YOURSELVES WITH CHRIST. THERE IS NEITHER JEW NOR GENTILE, NEITHER SLAVE NOR FREE, NOR IS THERE MALE AND FEMALE, FOR YOU ARE ALL ONE IN CHRIST JESUS. GALATIANS 3:26–28

When my children were very young, they found great joy in the small similarities they shared with those around them. My daughter might yell out in the middle of the grocery store, “Look, Mommy, that girl has a pink shirt on JUST LIKE ME!” Or my son might exclaim, “Momma, that boy has a dinosaur toy. I LOVE DINOSAURS, TOO!” Finding these small similarities provided a bridge in communication and allowed my children to make friends quickly wherever we went.

family to connect with someone who is outside your usual circles. This might be someone who shares different political views, or different parenting strategies, or who is at a different life stage than you. Share some time in prayer with them, and consider participating in the following activity as a visual reminder of how beautiful our differences can be when we find our commonalities at the foot of the cross.

Unfortunately, affinity can be fickle. It wasn’t long before I noticed that the same shallow similarities that allowed them to connect with one child became reason for them to exclude another. One day, my daughter stated in the most matter-of-fact way, “Mommy, me and Angela and Hailey like to wear pink shirts. Megan doesn’t like pink, so I’m not her friend.” In a strange way, at the age of four, my little girl had decided that the identity that mattered most to her was that of a “girl who likes pink.” She was comfortable having a small circle of friends who all liked the same things she liked and wasn’t willing to make room for someone who might disagree.

YOU WILL NEED • tall pillar candle • several colors of embroidery floss, cut into lengths of approximately 12" Each person shares one or more prayer requests with the others. As each person shares a request, he or she wraps and ties a piece of floss around the center of the candle. You may choose to tie a certain color of floss around the candle for all of the requests that each individual makes, or use a variety of colors to represent the requests. Each time you light this candle, remember the prayer requests each person shared from his unique experience, and the unity that can be found in the prayers we offer to the Lord.

As my children have gotten older, I’ve watched them continue to gravitate toward people who are “like” them—and I’ve had to rethink the way I connect with people in my own world. While there is comfort in those small likenesses, when we surround ourselves only with those who are just like us, we will never be challenged to grow.

by Alyson Crockett Alyson is the Director of Ministry at City Church in Anaheim, CA. She loves being a wife and a mother of two children—Paris, age 12, and Noah, age 8. Alyson and her husband are currently awaiting placement through the foster care system for their third child.

So often, our prayer lives revolve around those within our affinity groups—the parents from playgroups, the friends from our book club, or those we play sports with. This month, challenge your

IDENTITY | homefrontmag.com

family time

g o d ’ s wo r d

one day. Reconciliation occurred and the family was reunited for good.

Parents: this information is based on the story of Joseph in Genesis 37.

Every time I process this story I am amazed by Jacob’s love for Joseph. Joseph's father chose him and he did absolutely nothing to earn that honor. Jacob gives us a glimpse into the love of God. God loves us so dearly. He has chosen us and He invites us to follow him. He looks at us and says, “I choose you.”

Jacob wept over the shreds of multicolored robe he grasped in his fingers. His son—his favorite son—must have been destroyed by a ferocious animal. Jacob was grieved to the core.

HEAR IT As a family, read Genesis 37:1–11. Remember that Israel is another name for Jacob.

Rewind the story to when we first meet Jacob. Jacob had many sons, but he loved one son, Joseph, more than all of the rest. Joseph did nothing to earn his father’s love; in fact, he was constantly aggravating his brothers. Joseph tattled on his brothers. He shared dreams of everyone in his family bowing down to him. Yet, despite all of this, his father loved him deeply.

1. H ow does Jacob show his love for Joseph? What are ways that God shows His love for you? 2. What did Joseph do to earn the coat his father gave him? What have we done to earn God’s love? Read Ephesians 2:8–9.

One day Jacob wanted to show his incredible love for Joseph. So, in front of everyone, he brought out a beautiful, ornate robe. He draped the robe around Joseph’s shoulders. This robe was very important. It showed that Jacob chose and accepted Joseph. The brothers hated that their father favored Joseph and they devised a plot to get rid of their brother once and for all. After selling Joseph as a slave, they returned to their father with Joseph’s coat, ripped to pieces and covered in the blood of an animal. Jacob couldn’t bear the sight of the once-beautiful robe—the robe that represented that Joseph had been chosen—now tattered and torn.

3. H ow does knowing that you belong to God shape who you are? DO IT Jacob gave his beloved son a colorful robe to demonstrate his love for him. God loves us in a similar way. As a reminder of God’s love for you, make a friendship bracelet out of thread. Using threads of many colors, create a beautiful bracelet. Wear this “bracelet of many colors” on your wrist as a reminder of your friendship with God. As you remember that friendship, think about how God has chosen you and how He has made you a member of His family.

Fortunately, the story didn’t end there. God continued to work in the life of Joseph, who was able to prepare a way for his family to be provided for in Egypt

IDENTITY | homefrontmag.com

4. Slip a safety pin through your knot and pin it to a secure surface.

FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS

5. Braid the strings.

WHAT YOU’LL NEED

6. Wrap the length of your braid comfortably around your wrist two or three times.

• 3 colors of embroidery floss for each family member

7. Using the loose strings at each end of your bracelet, tie a knot to keep it in place on your wrist.

• 1 safety pin per family member WHAT YOU’LL DO 1. For each color, cut a string about the length of your arm.

by Krista Heinen Krista is the Family Director at Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, WI. Krista helps equip and support the families at Elmbrook through resources, events, and conversations.

2. Cut each string in half so you have two strings of each color.

Twitter @KristaHeinen

3. Gather all your strings together and tie a knot on one end. Be sure to leave a few inches of string at the end—you'll use this to tie your bracelet on your wrist when you're finished.

IDENTITY | homefrontmag.com

family time

traditions

In college I had a mini identity crisis. For so long I had been “that girl who never dated anyone.” I realized I had incorporated that label into who I was. Once that label was no longer true, I floundered and tried to figure out who I was now that I had started dating my first boyfriend (now husband), Joel.

has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" • LOVER OF OTHERS: 1 John 3:10 "This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God's child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister."

I think it all started in high school. Theater kid. Fun to be around. A little awkward. Smart. Overachiever. Thinking of yourself using descriptions like these doesn’t seem to be that big of a deal—we all do it. We use our job title or our role in our family to tell people who we are. Think about it—when you meet someone for the first time, what are some of the first questions you are asked to “get to know you?” What do you do? Are you married? Do you have kids?

• OBEDIENT: 1 John 5:2 "This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands." • ETERNAL: Luke 20:36 "And they can no longer die; for they are like the angels. They are God's children, since they are children of the resurrection."

But what happens when these things are no longer true about us? It is easy to take on things of the world and incorporate them into the very essence of who we believe ourselves to be. But when those things change, we can unravel. As I wrestled with these questions, I slowly came to realize that the only thing about me that can never, ever change is that I am a child of God.

• BLAMELESS: Philippians 2:14–15 "Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, 'children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.' Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky." • LED BY THE SPIRIT: Romans 8:14 "For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God."

I am making it a yearly tradition to do an identity tune-up using the Scripture below to remind myself of who I am in Christ:

There are many more truths to be found in God’s Word. It may seem counterintuitive to go searching for who we are, because we think we already know. But every once in a while, it is valuable to sort through our labels, discard ones that shouldn’t be there, and remind ourselves of our true identity. I challenge you and your family to make it a tradition to do an identity tune-up this year. It may end up being your family's most important tradition.

• LOVED: 1 John 3:1 "See what great love the Father

by Stephanie Reindel Stephanie joined the HomeFront team in January 2015 as the designer and photographer. She and her husband, Joel, have been married just over a year and love their newly adopted dog, Scout. Stephanie loves using the creative talent God has given her to help put HomeFront into the hands of parents looking for new and fun ways to spiritually nurture their children. 22

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family time

blessing

Our world is full of distractions and labels for each new generation. As parents, our primary goal should be to cement truths of identity into our kids in a world trying to rob them of it. Wouldn’t it be fantastic to hear our kids answer that overly asked question with: “When I grow up, I want to be a veterinarian that belongs to God.”

READ Ephesians 1:4–6 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

BLESS Speak this blessing over your child: (Child’s Name), God chose you before the creation of the world. He loves you, He knows you. He has always known you. He cares for you and wants to be close to you. May you always remember that no matter what you experience in this world, God will always be on your side because you belong to Him.

As our kids grow and mature they begin to ask themselves questions about who they are and who they will become. Teachers, parents, mentors, and others then fuel these thoughts with the most commonly asked question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” There’s nothing inherently wrong with this question. In fact, it gets our kids to dream at the earliest of ages toward future goals. But oftentimes, the frequency of this question ends up cementing a falsehood in the origin or core of their identity simply because what we “do” doesn’t dictate who we are.

by Tommy Larson Tommy has been serving as a pastor at ROCKHARBOR Church for the past 11 years. He was part of the development team of the Tru curriculum. He lives in Costa Mesa, CA with his wife and two children.

A BLESSING CAN BE A PRAYER OF COMMISSION, A BIBLE PASSAGE, OR WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT. BLESSINGS CAN BE SPOKEN OVER A CHILD FOR THE PURPOSE OF DECLARING GOD’S PROTECTION, JOY, AND WISDOM OVER HIM. 23

KNOWING | homefrontmag.com

family time

ta k i n g ac t i o n

ASHLEY WAS A COLLEGE INTERN AT AN INNER-CITY HIGH SCHOOL

SHE SAW NEEDS OF MENTORSHIP & FINANCIAL RESOURCES

RAISED MONEY TO SEND THE YOUTH SHE MET TO COLLEGE

STARTED A NON-PROFIT

THEN BEGAN A JEWELRY COMPANY TO EMPLOY THESE YOUTH

During Ashley LeMieux's senior year of college, she was an aide at an inner-city high school in Phoenix. She was involved in a program called AVID which prepares students to enter college after high school graduation. The problem she noticed was that most of the students didn't feel like college was an option for them. Many of the students Ashley began to mentor and grew close to would be the first in their families to consider college. They had no financial resources, and didn't have adequate mentorship to help them get to the next level in their lives. Frustrated, Ashley turned to her social-media influence to raise money to send a group of seniors to college. During this time she had also started a blog called The Shine Project to create an inspirational and motivational space on the internet where people from around the world could come and feel rejuvenated to tackle challenges they faced in their lives. After giving away seven scholarships, Ashley knew that raising money for these inner-city youth needed to be more than a one-time thing. She founded a nonprofit organization, The Shine Scholarship Project, to continue receiving donations for the students. Every student who received a scholarship would say something along the lines of, "Miss Ashley, it's not even about the money for me. It's the fact that people actually believe I am worth something, that I can do it, and that I have a great potential inside me. That motivates me more than anything." Several months after founding the nonprofit, Ashley learned of a student's extreme living conditions. The entire family was sleeping on their tile floor, without blankets or pillows, and the kids were missing school frequently because of a lack of money for bus tickets. Their fridge was empty, their plumbing hadn't been working, and there was nowhere for the kids to turn for help. Ashley realized that it was hard for a lot of the students to dream about their futures when they were unsure how they would live through the day. She knew she needed to take her passion for these youth one step further and create a for-profit business that could employ them, so they could learn important business and life skills, be able to sustain themselves, and have guidance throughout their college years. She wanted a product that people could wear as a daily reminder that they had directly impacted someone's life, and created a positive change. In May 2012, Ashley taught herself how to make bracelets. Her goal was to be able to employ the first few students who had received scholarships so they could keep earning money to stay in school, and have real life job experience that could set them up for success in the future. Ashley invested $500 in jewelry supplies and teaching the students how to handcraft the jewelry in her small two-bedroom condo. One month later, in June 2012, Threads by The Shine Project launched. Ashley used her social media and friends in the blogging industry to help spread the word about the bracelets the youth had made.

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ta k i n g ac t i o n

"I prayed and prayed and prayed that at least my mom would buy something so I could tell the students that we sold product they had made," Ashley said. After the first week, all the bracelets were sold out. Some of them were made with threads, which is where the company got its name. Ashley knew that selling a lot of threaded friendship bracelets would not be efficient since they took too much time, so they started focusing on bracelets made with chain. Since then, The Shine Project has opened their headquarters in downtown Phoenix. It's a place where students come after school to make jewelry. They are involved in running everything from customer service, shipping, jewelry design, T-shirt design, new product design, sales, and events. The students who are given scholarships through the nonprofit are then given jobs through Threads, so they can be mentored and guided every step of the way. Over 40 scholarships have been given since 2011, and 100% of donations given to the nonprofit go directly to the students. Threads by The Shine Project currently employs 11 inner-city students. Twitter @TheShineProject Facebook The Shine Project Instagram @TheShineProject

WHEN YOU PURCHASE A BRACELET

YOU PROVIDE JOBS FOR INNER-CITY YOUTH IN AMERICA

AND OPEN DOORS OF EDUCATION AND PROFESSIONAL OPPORTUNITIES

GIVING THEM A CHANCE TO BREAK THE CYCLE

AND CHANGE THEIR LIVES

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family time

g lo b a l

Where in the World Is ... Awakening a compassionate heart and a global mind-set in children for people beyond the boundaries of their own neighborhoods.

Alaska

Canada

Canada is located in the northern-most region of North America. Its southern territories run along the northern border of the continental United States. Canada is one of the largest countries in the world, second only to Russia in territorial size. It has a total area of 3.8 million square miles. The country touches three oceans—the Atlantic, the Arctic, and the Pacific. NOW THAT WE KNOW THE LOCATION OF CANADA, LET’S MEET ITS PEOPLE. There are more than 35 million people who call Canada their home. If you lived in Canada you would most likely eat poutine—French fries with cheese curd and brown gravy. Another Canadian favorite is crispy bacon and sweet maple syrup—sometimes these two traditional foods are even eaten together. If you went to church in Canada you would most likely go to a Christian church. To talk to your friends in Canada you would speak English and/or French. To say hello in French you would say: Bonjour (pronounced Bon-zhoor).

POPULATION 35,000,000

United States

LANGUAGE

English and French

RELIGION

Christianity 67% No Religion 24% Islam 3.2%

DID YOU KNOW ? • A bear cub named Winnipeg was exported from Canada to the London Zoo in 1915. A little boy named Christopher Robin Milne loved to visit Winnipeg (or Winnie for short) and his love for the bear cub inspired the stories written by his father, A.A. Milne, about Winnie-the-Pooh. • The most popular sport in Canada is ice hockey. Canada’s refugee policy is driven by humanitarian values of compassion and fairness. As one of the world’s most privileged nations, Canada sees it as a moral obligation to offer protection to those in need, viewing refugee resettlement as an integral part of its responsibilities within the international community. Each year Canada welcomes roughly 1 out of 10 resettled refugees from around the world (refugees being those forced to relocate due to war, discrimination, religious persecution, etc.). A refugee is different from an immigrant, in that an immigrant is a person who chooses to settle permanently in another country. Refugees are forced to flee. As a family, pray for these new Canadians as they adjust to a new climate, language, social structure, and political process. Pray especially for the children, some of whom may have witnessed unthinkable horrors and are now trying to adjust to a sometimes very different way of life. 26

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OUR PRAYER IS THAT THE NEXT FEW PAGES WILL INSPIRE, EQUIP, AND SUPPORT YOU ON YOUR SPIRITUAL PARENTING JOURNEY.

Inspire

PARENTING BLOGS TO SPUR YOU ON AND MOTIVATE YOU AS YOU SPIRITUALLY PARENT YOUR CHILDREN.

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RESOURCES TO PREPARE YOU AS YOU NAVIGATE THROUGH TOUGH AGES AND TOUGH TOPICS.

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WALKING ALONGSIDE YOU TO PROMOTE HEALTHY MARRIAGES AND ENCOURAGE YOU AS YOU SPIRITUALLY GRANDPARENT YOUR GRANDCHILDREN. 27

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THE ONE QUESTION EVERY PARENT SHOULD QUIT ASKING | SCOTT DANNEMILLER Coaching clinics. And when I hear how other kids are participating in these activities, I can’t help but feel that my children will be left behind or left out if they don’t take part. I “awfulize” a future where other kids are having fun together, solving quadratic equations, and getting six-figure jobs out of junior high while mine are both sitting in the corner eating Elmer’s Glue straight from the bottle.

“It’s like she’s not even practicing.” Audrey’s piano teacher was standing in front of me, giving her honest assessment. Her eyes were kind, and her voice soft, but my parental guilt turned her statement into a question. One I couldn’t answer. Once we got home, I was determined to show Miss Amanda that my daughter could be the next Liberace, only more bedazzled than the original. So we opened her music book and got to work.

And it’s all my fault.

We sat side-by-side at the piano for all of ten minutes when Audrey began to fade. She wasn’t even looking at the notes. Her back slouched. Her fingers barely pressed the keys. I tried to be encouraging, but every half-hearted effort from her quickly depleted my well of schmoopieness.

So, in an effort to prepare our kids for the dog-eatdog, competitive world before them, we fill their days with activity. Schedule them from dawn to dusk to maximize their potential. So they can learn. And grow.

“Sweetheart,” I said, in a tone that didn’t match the pet name. “Don’t you want to be good at this?” She didn’t say anything. She just made a weird sound. Like a dolphin moaning. So I asked again.“Honey. Don’t you want to be good at piano?”

“Free time” for kids has been steadily declining since the 1950s. In one particular study, from 1981 to 1997, kids experienced a 25% decrease in play time and a 55% decrease in time talking with others at home. In contrast, time spent on homework increased by 145%, and time spent shopping with parents increased by 168%.

But I fear that in our quest to help them, we may actually be hurting them.

“No,” she answered, with a look.

But is that bad? I think it is.

Has my six year old mastered the art of spitefulness?

A research project by Jean Twenge, professor of psychology at San Diego State, looked at psychological trends in youth during a similar period and noticed a sharp increase in anxiety and depression. Our kids are more stressed out than before. And that’s not the only change. Another Twenge study shows a surprising shift in motivation over the years, with kids in the 60’s and 70’s reporting being more motivated by intrinsic ideals (self-acceptance, affiliation, and community) while kids today are more motivated by extrinsic ideals (money, image, and fame).

“Fine,” I said, calling her bluff. “I guess we just won’t practice anymore. And we’ll keep wasting Miss Amanda’s time going over the same things every week.” I got up and walked to the kitchen where my son was busy not doing his homework. “Jake! What are you doing?! Finish your homework! We have to leave for basketball practice in ten minutes! Let’s go! You’re not even dressed!” Not my best parenting moment. The entire evening went on like this, with me incessantly jabbing at the kids and them fighting me every step of the way. Piano. Basketball. Homework. Hygiene. Lather, rinse, repeat. A never-ending well of cajoling. I thought to myself, They are both getting saddles for Christmas. That way, at least I’ll be comfortable when I’m riding them all the time.

And we’re the ones pushing them in that direction. As parents, we focus 100% of our energy asking the wrong question: “What might we miss if we don’t take advantage of these opportunities?”

I am not proud of it, but the simple truth is that I worry about my kids and their level of engagement. And maybe you do, too. As a dad, I frequently feel myself getting sucked into the vortex of expectations. All the other parents are talking about great opportunities they are providing for their kids. Special summer camps. Foreign language learning. Private tutors. Music lessons.

And we need to stop. Why? Because the motivation behind this question is fear. And the fear is all mine. I worry that my kids will be made fun of if they don’t have socially acceptable “stuff.” I worry they won’t become elite athletes unless they specialize in a sport 28

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by age ten. I worry that they won’t get into college if they don’t do well in school. But the fears are largely unfounded. The “stuff” issue is easily overcome with common sense. No one in the history of the world has ever been able to buy a true friend. And in the athletic realm, kids who specialize in sports are no better off than those who don’t, and in some cases, the specialization is actually a detriment. As for the academic worry, that may be the biggest unfounded fear of all. We buy into the hype that college is much more competitive today, so we push our kids to take advantage of every learning opportunity under the sun. The truth is, in the past ten years, admissions counselors saw their average number of applications nearly double because of parents like us. We’re frantically submitting applications out of fear. Even so, colleges are still accepting two-thirds of all applicants on average. A number that has hardly decreased in a decade. But we still believe the hype. Bottom line: we parents need to chill out and change our questions. Here are two that can help us all gain some perspective and start finding more genuine joy in our lives. Question #1: “What are we losing in our quest for success?” If you are like me, most valuable parts of your childhood did not take place in a special classroom or perfect practice field. Sure, you had teachers and parents to encourage you to do your best and work toward a goal, but that was balanced by plenty of other worthwhile pursuits such as tearing apart a Stretch Armstrong doll to see what was inside, building bike ramps in the driveway, and racing leaf boats through a drainage ditch in a rainstorm. But we’ve sacrificed these things in pursuit of an ideal, and we’ve turned our children into mini-adults in the process. Tiny professionals who have no time for brainbuilding, soul-boosting play during the week, so they desperately cram it into a weekend schedule packed with structured sports and recitals.

Wanting what’s best for your kids is all about the child. It’s about helping them find something they are passionate about so they are intrinsically driven to reveal the strengths God gave them, whether in art, music, sports, writing, academics, or community service. Wanting them to be the best is all about me. My expectations. My fears. So I yell at them from the stands, correct them after lessons, and coax them into activities that suck the fun out of childhood. And in the process, I teach them that their worth is wrapped up in how they perform. I teach them that second place is losing. I teach them that judgment is more important than love and acceptance. And it is so wrong. Because being the best should NOT be the goal. If I asked you to name the last five winners of the Academy Award for best actor, could you do it? How about the last five World Series winning pitchers? Last five Nobel Prize winners in medicine? I’d venture to guess, based on absolutely no scientific evidence, that only 10% of you could do it. At the most. And these are examples of people who have achieved the pinnacle of their profession. Known the world over. And we forget them. But what if I were to ask you to list the five people who have meant the most to you in your life? The ones who taught you what it means to be a true friend. A person of integrity. I know without a doubt that 100% of us could do it in a heartbeat. And the list would be filled with people who never had a highway or high school named after them. People who never had their name carved on a ceremonial trophy. But here’s the kicker. The mere thought of their faces likely makes your heart swell. Might even bring a tear to your eye. And this, my friends, is the goal. To be on the list for our kids. So that they might be on someone else’s list someday. And no amount of fear and anxious prodding will accomplish that for us. In this constantly correcting, constantly evaluating world, there has to be space for acceptance. Space for presence. Space where time isn’t measured in tenths of a second, but in turns taken on a colorful Candyland board. And only love can do that. So my prayer today is that we have nothing but love to give. May we offer it daily. Without condition. Without worry. Without regret.

It’s sad. But the bigger issue is this: Question #2: “What’s the ultimate goal?”

by Scott Dannemiller

Encouraging a child’s potential is a good thing. And there is nothing wrong with extracurricular activities. They teach worthwhile skills and instill core values in a child. Values such as discipline, commitment, goal-setting, and persistence. And providing these opportunities is my job as a parent.

Scott Dannemiller is a speaker, author, worship leader, former Presbyterian missionary, and now President of LifeWork Associates. His book, The Year Without a Purchase: One Family’s Quest to Stop Shopping and Start Connecting is due out this fall through WJK Press.

But there is a big difference in wanting what’s best for your kids, and wanting them to be the best. 29

Blog accidentalmissionary.net

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s p i r i t ua l g r a n d pa r e n t i n g perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. (Romans 5:3–5)

When my grandson Michael was ten years old, he lived about a block away from Norma and me. One day he ran to our house and banged on the front door. When I let him in, I saw he’d been crying.

Twelve months passed. One afternoon, Michael’s mom picked him up from school. Almost home, Michael called out, “Mom! I left my spelling list in my desk, and I have a test tomorrow. Can you take me back to school?”

“What’s wrong?” I asked. “It’s my mom,” he sobbed. “Grandpa, she’s driving me crazy!”

This was the final straw for his mom. “No. I’m not taking you back because you’re such an irresponsible student. You’re not serious about school. I want you to feel the pain of an F tomorrow so you can remember not to do this anymore!”

I was relieved, amused, and interested. Michael’s mom happens to be my daughter, and I know she’s a wonderful person and a great mom.

He started to defend himself, but stopped. One of the verses we’d been meditating on came to mind, and he realized he couldn’t get angry at his mom. This situation was a trial, a test of his character, and he needed to rejoice.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. Tell me what’s happening.” “Grandpa, there are so many rules in my home. I don’t think I can live through it.” I was laughing on the inside but said, “Oh, bless your heart.”

“Mom, I just want to thank you for what you’re saying to me right now. I want you to know, you’re the best mom a son could have. I just thank God for you because God is using you in my life, right now even, to remind me of really important things.”

“It’s horrible! What am I going to do?” I asked him, “Is this how you want to live? Letting other people affect you like this?” “No,” he said. “But I don’t know what to do.”

Kari later told me, “I was so stunned. I didn’t know what to say. I started crying. I had to pull over and take it all in before we turned the car around to take him back to school. I was wondering where this change had come from.” It came from him praying about those four little verses and meditating on them for a year.

“You want to do what I’ve been doing lately?” I asked. “What are you doing, Grandpa?” I said, “I’m changing the way I think. Want to join me?” With beautiful innocence, he answered, “Yeah, Grandpa!”

RIPPLES Positive change in our world begins with positive change in a family. The best way to change your family is to change your thinking. As your thinking is elevated by the words of Jesus, you’ll be able to model those words in your actions.

“There are four verses I want you to learn and meditate on day and night.” We went outside and gathered four little stones, representing the four verses. Then he put those smooth stones in his pocket. Every time he felt them, he would meditate on one of those verses.

We all know actions speak louder than words. We’ve all promised to change, and failed. There’s a better way. Begin by humbling yourself, like a child.

BUILDING A FOUNDATION

God gives grace to the humble.

For an entire year we focused our minds on those four verses, asking God to help us understand them and model them in our actions. One of the verses was Romans 5:3–5, which basically says when you go through a difficult time, you can rejoice—you’ll get patience, character, hope, and more of God’s love.

by Gary Smalley Gary Smalley is one of the country's best-known authors and speakers on family relationships. He is the author and coauthor of 16 best-selling books. He has been married for 51 years to Norma and has three grown children and 10 grandchildren. Discover more about Gary’s newest book at letsdofamilytogether.com.

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces 30

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tot t i m e r h y m e ( ag e s 3 & u n d e r )

get up

lie down

at home sit

ng the roa alo

Get Up

This month as you wake your little one, sing these sweet words as a reminder that she belongs to God. The rhyme is to the tune of “The Wheels on the Bus.” These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on

your children. Talk about them when you sit

Listen here when

at home and when you walk along the road,

viewing the enhanced

when you lie down and when you get up.

online issue at

Deuteronomy 6:6–7

homefrontmag.com!

I belong to God the King, he chose me I've been redeemed. I belong to God the king, He loves me. by Izzi Ray Izzi is a singer, songwriter, artist, and musician. Twitter @izziray

Instagram @izziray

Blog Izzi.Ray.com

Repetition is fundamental to almost any learning style, so when you’re teaching your children, use repetition!

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st u d e n t i d (6 t h

8th grade)

Parents, God is not asking you to transform your middle schooler. Release that burden. He is calling you to love him and trust God with the changing.

The Bible records Jesus asking 307 questions. He was asked 183 questions and only answered three. Jesus understood the art of empowering others through intentional questions. Jesus didn’t want people to just listen to Him—He wanted others to engage with Him.

QUESTIONS TO THINK THROUGH PERSONALLY

I’ve learned a thing or two about leading students with Jesus’ leadership tactics in mind. I’ve realized the importance of learning to ask better questions rather than giving perfect answers. A church-going middle schooler may “know” that their identity is “in Christ” but may have never thought deeply about how that affects his everyday life. Engaging them with questions is crucial.

1. Read Ephesians 1:1–14 and reflect on what it means to be “in Christ.” 2. Think through how you typically answer the question, “What do you do?” Do you answer with different roles you play? Like, “I am a stayat-home mom,” or “I am a school teacher.” 3. Ephesians is broken up into two sections:

When I was a professor at Azusa Pacific University, I started off my Monday classes by asking if anybody had done anything interesting over the weekend. There were typically one or two stories about trips or birthdays.

• Chapters 1—3 state who God is and therefore who He says we are “in Him.” Note: who we are in Him has nothing to do with what we’ve done. • Chapters 4—6 describe how we are to live in response. How often do you find yourself defining who you are based on what you do?

“I took a vow of silence,” one student said. He explained how he refused to talk the whole weekend, and then he said, “You should try it!” I grinned. Full of mischief, I mouthed, “Okay.”

IDENTITY QUESTIONS TO ASK

At first no one believed it, but after a minute the room crackled with nervous energy. I heard “No, wait, she can’t be serious.” I was. My voice had left the room.

1. What are you most known for in your friend group (e.g,. funny, athletic, smart)? 2. How do you want to be known in your friend group?

That morning I was learning to be silent. It seems like a teacher needs to talk, but I realized I could teach just as well if I listened. That whole class period I was without a voice.

3. What does it mean to be “in Christ?” 4. How can knowing your truest identity “in Christ” change the way you live?

In the midst of awkward stares, a student walked up on eggshells and started to recite my slides, throwing in his own facts from the reading assignment. Then someone else spoke up. The class dialogued. It was definitely not a normal day.

by Megan Fate Marshman Director of Student Resources and Production for David C Cook, Megan Fate Marshman reaches national audiences with her knack for weaving extraordinary adventure into everyday story lines. She speaks nationally at churches, conferences, and university chapels, and recently released her first book, 7 Family Ministry Essentials: A Strategy for Culture Change in Children’s and Student Ministries, co-authored with Dr. Michelle Anthony. She currently serves as the Director of Women’s Ministries at Hume Lake Christian Camps. Megan and her husband live in Long Beach, CA and are expecting their first son this month!

That day I learned the value of a voice, and not just my own. My students had the opportunity to learn in the deepest way the day I delegated the role to teach. Jesus had all of the answers but chose to tell stories and ask questions. One of the best ways a parent can engage with their middle schooler is by sharing stories and then asking intentional questions and listening—really listening—to their answers. Your child is trying to figure out who she is and great questions can lead to great discovery.

Instagram @meganfate Twitter @meganfate Facebook Megan Fate 33

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m a r r i ag e

on this beautiful young bride, my eyes were locked on the groom. I was so fascinated with the expression on his face and his beaming smile as he watched his soon-to-be wife walking toward him. I couldn’t help but envy my dear friend. I was so in awe of how she was being accepted and anticipated by her fiancé. I remember driving home that night and just weeping to the Lord. I kept asking Him, “When will it be my turn? Who will wait and welcome me? Will someone look at me that way one day?” In the quietness of that car and amidst the tears running down my face, I heard a small voice in my heart say, “Don’t you know that’s exactly how I look at you … everyday of your life?”

A few years ago, my wife shared a significant story with me. We had just welcomed our second baby girl into this world, and were entering the “seven year itch” of our marriage (a phrase my in-laws jokingly shared with us). We began feeling the strain of sleepless nights, while simultaneously chasing a three year old around, and living hours from any family member who could offer a helping hand. Our marital “honeymoon” phase had certainly ended, and we often found ourselves just passing by each other, blurry-eyed and exhausted. While my wife stayed home and taught online, part-time, for a university, my life was full-steam ahead serving in multiple roles at our church. Date night was a rare occasion during that season, and it seemed like neither of us had a true sense of fellowship with our work communities. Everything felt stripped away and there was a sense of feeling disconnected with those around us.

From that moment on, she knew her true identity and value came from the Lord. It was never something I would give her, or she would find on her own accord.

Then one night we found ourselves with sleeping babies and a quiet house. We sat on the couch to finally check-in with each other and enjoy a moment alone. I felt the heaviness of responsibility for our family on my shoulders. I felt the pressure at work to perform and lead those I supervised. Was I doing a good enough job? Was I providing enough for my family? As I sat in that moment, I turned to look at my wife and I wondered how she was feeling in this new season of life. No longer a collegiate athlete, a fulltime working professional, or a carefree newlywed with much of my attention devoted to her … was she also experiencing this identity crisis? As we talked about all the changes we had experienced in the past few years, she shared with me a story that brought us both to tears.

As we sat in the silence of our little home, during one of the most hectic and beautiful times in our life, we remembered that we have a Savior who loves us far more than we can ever love each other. No matter how much we love our young girls, He loves them far more. As we enjoy our children growing up, and our sleep increasing a little each year, we remind each other that our hope, our value, our identity comes from Jesus Christ. As we play our parts within our family, and fully embrace being spouses, and parents, we realize we are most fully alive when we turn our eyes (and lock them on) to the author and perfecter of our faith.

When my wife was just 19 years old, she attended her friend’s wedding. In a season when many of her peers were seriously dating or getting engaged, she was feeling a sense of loneliness and frustration. In her words:

David Robles is the Pastor of Leadership and Young Family Development at EvFree Fullerton in Southern California. David and Angela have been married for 10 years and have two young daughters, Rylee and Reese.

by David Robles

Facebook Angela David Robles

The music began to play and the church doors opened to this stunning bride walking arm in arm with her father. While every set of eyes was

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equip

to u g h to p i c s

But then the big hit—the punch in the gut, the tear in the tapestry. Foreclosure. Shhh ... don't talk about it—don't use that word. That beautiful home—we had to stop paying—this was not an accident. That “responsible” thread? Cut. “Homeowner?” Frayed and torn. “Financially stable?” Sliced. “Good decision maker?” Slashed. “Followed God’s call?” Surely this fate confirmed that golden thread had never been connected.

I used to be a homeowner. I used to be responsible. I used to be stable. All of that was before my identity was torn apart. Like a tapestry, our lives contain dark colors and light colors, woven together by a master weaver. Ultimately, there is a golden thread, one that holds it all together—always glimmering—a bit of hope when things are dark, a bit more joy to reflect the bright times. I was pleased with how my life tapestry was coming along, feeling like I had chosen some of the colors, and that golden thread made it all look so lovely.

Now they would call me a renter. They would say I was irresponsible. They would think I was unstable. And I started to believe those things. I didn't talk about our failure. I tried to cover it up and spin it my own way—I tried to repair the tapestry myself. But I didn't know how.

We had purchased a beautiful home—the kind of home I had always wanted to live in but had been financially out of reach. To live in this house would define us as responsible homeowners at a certain social standing. I loved this house. I loved the carpeted stairs my kids bumped down every morning, the kitchen where people could gather, and the windows that framed mountains in the distance.

When I surrendered the needle to God, He gently moved my hands to the side and let me rest. I was looking from the underside, seeing the knots and ends of the thread, thinking, "This will never look right again." Over time, I started to see the top—the side God had been focused on the entire time. The words that described this tapestry image were not unstable or irresponsible, but rather loved, forgiven, hopeful, secure, follower of God's call.

However, with a twist in the tapestry, God called us to a new place in our ministry life. We would have to move … from the house. As I prayed, I felt my grip tightening around the house—the four walls and the identity it gave us. I also felt God telling me to lay down this home and let Him lead. We listed the home—never saying a word about the "short sale" to our friends.

Although the repair might be a weak spot—where my identity pulls and fights under the pressure of life—God has repaired it. His righteousness repaired the tear and showed me the golden thread that was always connected, had never been torn, and His gentleness assured me He would do it all again.

Over the next year we would have disappointment, a car totaled, a fire in our rental home, the rental home in foreclosure—all hurts, all dark colors in the tapestry of life, but all things that were easy to approach with an open hand and see the glistening glitter of God's golden thread working in each moment. Accidents don't equal my identity.

by Courtney Wilson Courtney is the Elementary Director at Christ Community Church in the suburbs of Chicago. You can usually find her chasing her four amazing kids around with coffee in one hand and a camera in the other.

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ENVIRONMENTS The order of the 10 Environments listed coincides with the monthly distribution of this resource.

“God has entrusted me with the things and people He created around me.”

Responsibility This environment captures the ability to take ownership for one’s life, gifts, and resources before God. A child must be challenged to take responsibility for his or her brothers and sisters in Christ, as well as for those who are spiritually lost. Our hope is that the Holy Spirit will use this environment to allow each child to understand that God has entrusted His world to us.

“Asks the question, ‘What needs to be done?’”

Serving This posture of the heart asks the question, “What needs to be done?” It allows the Holy Spirit to cultivate a sensitivity to others and focuses on a cause bigger than one individual life. It helps fulfill the mandate that as Christfollowers we are to view our lives as living sacrifices that we generously give away!

“God fills me with His love so I can give it away.”

“God has a big story and I can be a part of it!”

“God transforms me when I step out in faith.”

Out of the Comfort Zone As children and students are challenged to step out of their comfort zone from an early age, they learn to experience a dependence on the Holy Spirit to equip and strengthen them beyond their natural abilities and desires. We believe this environment will cultivate a generation that, instead of seeking comfort, seeks a radical life of faith in Christ.

Love&Respect Without love, our faith becomes futile. This environment recognizes that children need an environment of love and respect in order to be free to both receive and give God’s grace. Innate in this environment is the value that children are respected because they embody the image of God. We must speak to them, not at them, and we must commit to an environment where love and acceptance are never withheld due to one’s behavior.

Storytelling The power of The Big God Story impacts our lives by giving us an accurate and awe-inspiring perspective into how God has been moving throughout history. It is the story of redemption, salvation, and hope, and tells how I have been grafted into it by grace. It compels us to see how God is using every person’s life and is creating a unique story that deserves to be told for God’s glory.

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“I belong to God

“God knows me, and

and He loves me!”

I can know Him.”

Knowing Nothing could be more important than knowing and being known by God. We live in a world that denies absolute Truth and yet God’s Word offers just that. As we create an environment that upholds and displays God’s Truth, we give children a foundation based on knowing God, His Word, and a relationship with Him through Christ. God is holy, mighty, and awesome, yet He has chosen to make Himself known to us!

“When I get off track, God offers me a path of healing.”

“I see Christ in others, and they can see Him in me.”

“God’s family cares for each other and worships God together.”

Course Correction This environment flows out of Hebrews 12:11–13 and is the direct opposite of punishment. Instead, biblical discipline for a child encompasses: a season of pain, the building up in love, and a vision of a corrected path for the individual with the purpose of healing at its core.

Identity This environment highlights who we are in Christ. According to Ephesians 1, we have been chosen, adopted, redeemed, sealed, and given an inheritance in Christ … all of which we did nothing to earn. This conviction allows children to stand firm against the destructive counter identities the world will offer.

Faith Community God designed us to live in community and to experience Him in ways that can only happen in proximity to one another. The faith community serves to create an environment to equip and disciple parents, to celebrate God’s faithfulness, and to bring a richness of worship through tradition and rituals, which offer children an identity. Our love for each other reflects the love we have received from God.

IT IS OUR PRAYER THAT HOMES AND CHURCHES WOULD CREATE THESE ENVIRONMENTS FOR CHILDREN TO LIVE IN SO THEIR FAITH WILL GROW IN A COMMUNITY OF CONSISTENCY, COMMON LANGUAGE, AND PRACTICE. TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HOW THESE ENVIRONMENTS CAN IGNITE A TRANSFORMING FAITH IN YOUR FAMILY, WE SUGGEST YOU READ:

Modeling Biblical content needs a practical living expression in order to be spiritually impacting. This environment serves as a hands-on example for children of what it means to put their faith into action. Modeling puts flesh on faith and reminds us that others are watching to see if we live what we believe.

SPIRITUAL PARENTING: An Awakening for Today’s Families

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked “ESV” are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright © 2000; 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. IDENTITY | homefrontmag.com 39

PARENTING GUIDE FOR RAISING WORLD-CHANGERS A

THE QUESTION THAT MARK AND JAN FOREMAN ARE MOST OFTEN ASKED IS: HOW DID YOU RAISE YOUR KIDS? Never Say No takes you on a personal journey to learn first-hand how they raised Jon and Tim Foreman of Switchfoot. They share practical advice for instilling wonder in a media-saturated culture, cultivating specific gifts, and balancing structure with individual choice. They also explain that your purpose as parents is the same as your childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s: to live creatively beyond yourselves, bringing the love, beauty and nature of God to this world.

LET THE ADVENTURE BEGIN

FROM THE PARENTS OF JON & TIM FOREMAN OF SWITCHFOOT Available in print and digital editions everywhere books are sold Also available at davidccook.com