The Crampus, April 2020

CRAMPUS

Over a Century of Service to CCNY & the Harlem Community

APRIL 2020

CRAMPUS

04/20

In This Issue

MAGAZINE STAFF

“Bringing the Vacation to you: CCNY’s Paradise Resort”

Editor-in-Chief: Aspasia Celia Tsampas Managing Editor: Ania Wojas

8-9

News Editor: Eric Bilach Feature Editor: Jana Makki Opinion Editor: Matthew Romano Lifestyle Editor: Sarah Logan Sports Editor: Anu Shetty Copy Editor: Joey Russo Staff Writers: Clark Adomaitis, Nate Izzo, Jada Gordon, Sayra Ilyas, Brahmjot Kaur ,Jaquelin Bautista

Art Director: Chriscel Halili Designers: Justin Gordon, Lauren Pires, Riya Mehta

Business Manager: Raquel Palumbo Distribution Coordinator: Clark

ROMANCE

SPOTLIGHT

BENNY FINDS HIS MATCH [3]

ADJUCT JENNIFER EGAN: PULITZER

NEWS USG STORMS THE WILLIE

AMENITIES

ADMINISTRATION [4-5]

SLEEPING SPACE FOR CCNY [11]

FECES FELON [6]

THE CHILD DEVELOPMENT CENTER

CCNY IS DEBT FREE

FINALLY OPENS ON CAMPUS [12-13]

(SELF-PROCLAIMED) [7]

TRAVEL BRINGING THE VACATION TO YOU: CCNY‘S PARADISE [8-9]

ADVERTISE WITH US

CONTACT US North Academic Center 1/119 CCNYCampusnews@gmail.com CCNYCampus.org

The Campus @CCNYCampus @CCNYCampus

SPORTS CCNY ATHLETES FIGHT FOR ENDORSEMENT FROM LOCAL VENDORS [13] CALENDAR [14]

Adomaitis

Cover Art By: Bridget Petersen

PRIZE WINNING AUTHOR [10]

Editor’s Note How are you? I hope you are healthy and well during this crazy time we are living. I am writing this while practicing social distancing, as classes are now completely online, and the world faces an unprecedented pandemic. It is scary, to say the least. Nonetheless, the Earth still spins and we must move forward. In a time where watching the news pumps anxiety rather than eases it, I present to you all a very special edition of The Campus Magazine, The Crampus.

For those who don’t already know, The Crampus is a long-standing tradition of April Fools for City College. Every article in this edition is satire, so in other words, FAKE. This will be your only warning throughout the edition so heed it carefully.

As we face the rest of the semester secluded in our homes, The Crampus staff hopes you find enjoyment in this issue. Please laugh with us as we discuss topics like a “Feces Felon,” a Nap Space at CCNY, the infamous Child Development Center, Benny’s relationship status, athletic endorsements, and City College as a travel destination: “Bringing the Vacation to you!”

Additionally, besides making satire magazines, your regularly scheduled edition of The Campus will be back next month. In the meantime, be sure to check out our website for current news.

Stay well,

BENNY FINDS HIS MATCH!

By Nate Izzo One year ago this month, The Crampus reported to you about The City College of New York’s mascot, Benny the Beaver,

Grindr, the popular dating app for LGBTQ+ men. After chatting with hordes of eager suitors, it was in real life, not the virtual world, that Benny found the man for him. We are pleased to announce to the CCNY community that Benny the Beaver has been in a committed relationship with the infamous Rocky the Racoon for several months now.

the dating market!” he said, “After we connected so well, it was only a matter of time.” Benny started looking forward to their little visits more and more, until

“It was a big risk, but I had to take it. I didn’t want to ruin what we had going, but I knew I wanted more.” On a rainy night in September, the pair met up at Bus Stop Diner for piña coladas and a hearty dinner. “Not very fancy, but we enjoyed it,” Benny said. Rocky replied, “Yeah, we really enjoyed it.”

The ra-

The pair met each other in a quiet, secluded corner in the NAC’s Cohen Library, where they were taking refuge for very different reasons. In an exclusive interview with The Crampus, the couple told us all about it. “I was hiding from some fans,” Benny said, smiling fondly at the memory, “Reading is one of my passions, but I can’t go anywhere on campus without being swarmed by people asking for a picture. It was there that I saw him.”

“Yeah, well I was hiding from the cops!”

Rocky cut in with a chuckle. “It’s like I keep saying on Twitter, I’m just trying to get an education! I show my ID just like everyone else! But every time I show my face, they kick me out.” The pair each found the corner individually, but that day, they happened to show up at the same time.

They chatted a bit and became friends, keeping in touch from then on. They began to coordinate their visits to that little corner, and they grew closer as the weeks went by. “It was Benny who Rocky revealed. Benny agreed, albeit somewhat defensively; “I was already in

ked out a system where their relationship stayed a secret. They found other places to meet around the campus, so that no one would catch on. It was only recently that the two decided they were ready to

“People keep wanting him to replace me as the school mascot,” Benny commented, adjusting his signature purple CCNY t-shirt.

“They even made a petition for it! But the whole time, I was over here, like, love!” Rocky declined to reveal whether he signed the petition, which currently has over 500 signatures from CCNY students. The racoon only adjusted his own purple t-shirt and coon w e n t into more detail, but there’s only so much we can say in a respectable magazine. Needless to say, the pair became a couple that night.

The couple will celebrate their six-month anniversary this month with another trip to Bus Stop Diner. They plan to share piña coladas once again, this time in a happy relationship that will hopefully last for years to come.

However, the couple’s relationship hasn’t all been smooth sailing; they wrestled with the idea of making their relationship public. “It was actually pretty rokroll from Benny. “We’re both pretty big names on campus, and we already had enough trouble sneaking to our corner of the library.” Eventually the pair worR O M A N C E

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USG STORMS WILLIE

ADMINISTRATION,

OVERTHROWS THE CURRENT

ADMINISTRATION, AND CLAIMS POWER AT

CITY COLLEGE

By Aspasia Celia Tsampas

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BREAKING NEWS—The Campus is currently on scene at the Willie Administration Building where we have just gotten word that the Undergraduate Student Government, led by Student Body President Frantzy Luzincourt, has stormed the Willie Administration building in an attempted coup over the current administration under President Vincent Boudreau at The City College of New York.

Riots broke out this morning at approximately 11 AM and due to lack of supervision of the Sources say many of the higher-ups in the current administration were not even in the cials were on the notoriously long lunch rush line at Café One, a local hot spot.

Rumor has it that President Boudreau was not on campus at the time of the attack. Sources vice, and surely will be in for a surprise once he is reached.

Reports are now coming in that the student-led action group did not act alone. For months, the Undergraduate Student Government has secretly been obtaining allies in the coup, lobbying for support of their power of City College.

These rallies occurred in secret, unbeknownst to the Department of Student Life and Leadership Development, whose job it is to approve all club events. Supporters tell The Campus that meetings occurred in plain sight, on Thursdays between 12pm and 2pm, the designated club hours at City College. They rallied in the NAC Rotunda where their plans and lobby for the overhaul were conveniently drowned out by the sounds of the WCCR DJ booth.

unsurprisingly. However, most unexpectedly, the USG was able to gain the support of the most, secret, yet powerful union at the university, The City College Cockroach and Mice Union (CCCMU).

The Campus was able to score an exclusive interview with Papa Roach, the president of CCCMU. Papa Roach states, “For years, tension between my union and the Boudreau administration have been reaching a boiling point, so when USG approached us to take part in the coup, we knew this would be our only way to achieve our demands.”

The tension Papa Roach refers to came to the forefront of City College news just last

April when the Cockroaches and Mice under the CCCMU formed a strike against the unlivable conditions for them on campus. The strike became just one symbol of student revolution in City College’s very active political history, with many student organizations, such as New York Public Interest Research Group (NYPIRG) and the Young Democratic Student Association (YDSA) voiced their support for the silenced group. Nonetheless, at the time of the strike, the Boudreau administration declined to comment and no settlement was ever reached between the CCCMU and City College.

These demands were not clear to student groups and activists who joined USG in the overthrow until after the coup. Many students were enraged at the demands and have reportedly left Willie Administration to return to their day. Nonetheless, until President Boudreau received word of the coup, USG themselves remain in Willie Administration, despite decreasing support.

was the notorious Feces Fellon at City College. Who, just a few months ago, became a symbol of the proletariat student at City College. Inspiring a separate set of rallies and rebellions in the perpetrator’s honor.

rent administration occurred earlier this year with USG attempting to suspend the budget of Student Life and Leadership Development, the department that oversees the allocation of the student’s activity fee and conducts popular student events such as commencement, and Lavender Fever Week. Nonetheless, it appears Student Life has altogether decided to stay out of the politics of this attack. One member of student life commented, “Wait,

Additionally, the success of the coup was elevated by USG’s ability to obtain the support of Public Safety, the current administration’s number one military access. Sources close to members of USG state that Public Safety was easily swayed with the promise of Segways to mobilize their forces and travel around cam“These hills are becoming too much for us all, but imagine how unstoppable we would be with Segways. No one would dare undermine a Segway.”

Details of the coup to overthrow the current pus newsroom. The student-led group along with the CCCMU supporters and student political activists alike simply marched straight wasn’t until some minutes later that anyone from the current administration arrived. According to student political activists who were Many students were hoping for a little struggle but were found with complete complacency.

Nonetheless, USG led by President Luzincourt has released its reasons for the overhaul in a press release that was released three months ago but never read by anyone on campus. Supposedly, USG had attempted to negotiate their terms with the current administration, exhibited in a stream of unanswered emails from the Boudreau administration.

Nonetheless, some demands included, large stipends for all members of USG, the allocation of the Student Activities Fee to solely USG, and double voting power to student government in all boards.

According to some, students were simply happy to have something exciting to protest for and rally behind. They heard, “Overthrow the government” and jumped on the bandwagon.

In fact, right after The Campus informed Student Life of the events of this morning. The department, led by Director Evelyn Ortega, decided to throw their hat in the ring for campus control as well. She and her colleagues marched right into Willie Administration to stake their claim in the riot, in opposition to USG. On their end, Student Life advocates for more spirit events, multiple graduation speakers, restricted club events, and most prominently, stricter control of room key access.

In a matter of hours, this story has exponentially grown in complexity and confusion.

What started as a simple protest and government coup in classic City College politically active fashion has now become a power grab for multiple aspects of the City College bureaucracy. Who will throw their hat in the ring will be the silent, but deadly, E-Sports Club at

Regardless of how the coup turns out, how President Boudreau will react miles away on a river, and what settlement may or may not be reached. This riot will surely go down in City College history, right next to the infamous “Five Demands” protest of 1969.

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Feces Felon Caught After Seventeenth Crime, Becomes Proletariat Symbol Amongst Students

By Clark Adomaitis The criminal who earned himself the nicknames “Feces Felon,” “Poop Perpetra-

Public Safety could not control the crowd, and 74 injuries were reported. “The students got out of hand. It was totally disrespectful to our campus and classes going on. We’re praying for the injured and hoping for the best,” says Chief of Safety Greg Farrtman.

nistrators on campus for over a year.

to comply, however, ex-CCNY President Lisa Coico jumped up at the new opportunity. She stopped everything going on in her classes and focused all of her and her students’ attention to analysis. One anonymous student was disgusted; “This wasn’t on the syllabus. Honestly, it’s gross.” Pro-

dent Life, received his bag in December 2018. “I didn’t even realize it was there for about a week. It was stuffed in the ceiling

dismantling the dumps. However, her attempts to recover DNA information proved futile; she ended up making an absolute sive frenzy.

Employees at Suhail deli across Amsterdam Avenue heard the ruckus. Mohammed, the counter clerk, was overjoyed at the business it brought him. “After the poop rally, our

locked up after his 17th bag of feces was -

because Ilvin [Montesino] -- another Student Life administrator -- doesn’t shower,” Gabiddon states.

with crap. Piles of poop littered the street.

Streetsweepers worked until 2AM cleaning the mess.

Since then, 16 more black plastic deli bags have been found around campus with Jass’ signature stench emanating from them.

Amongst his victims were Evelyn Ortega of Student Life; “Eww, eww, eww, eww,” were her words. President Vince Boudreau tackle set. Wingate Athletics could not tell if their bag was from the “poop perpetrator” or just something that someone left behind in the locker room. The Towers often receives bags of feces from residents angry about high prices, so they remained unphased. Benny the Beaver was deeply angered when he received his load. He originally thought it was from Hunter College’s mascot, Hunter the Hawk, and expressed his disdain for the situation saying, “I already receive less than minimum wage. I ain’t taking this crap.” The Art department appreciated the donation and added it to their springtime exhibit that featured “raw, earthy textures.” The theater department incorporated theirs into the Fall 2019 production of Urinetown.

An analyst from the World Toilet Organization, Paul Sack, argues that this is a message about sanitation disparities: “He needs access to a toilet. Proper sanitation is lacking in lower-income neighborhoods of New York City, and this is his statement.” ces in hand, to ask if they could analyze the poops to receive vital DNA information. Sophie Davis students were hesitant 6 N

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but beans, broccoli, and coffee. We ran out after 7 or so minutes!”

“This is the worst I’ve ever seen it. I’ve cleaned up after street fairs and music festivals, but nothing like this. These people took a lot of dumps. Honestly, I’m impressed,” remarked street sweep Richard Dump.

ted meeting in the fall. They aim to unite the community in honoring the Poop Perpetrator. “We need to organize,” says club president Pat Myaz, “This person’s presence is an important one on campus. He’s more important than the Beaver.” ly, 14,000 undergraduate, graduate, high school, and elementary school students along with parents, professors, faculty, and vent Avenue wearing “Poop Perp 2020” shirts and making fart sounds. An ocean of more poop!” chants were heard throughout the event and all day long on campus.

The massive success of the Fart Rally has led the Poop Party to plan weekly parties in their hero’s honor this Spring. You can follow them for updates on times and locations on Instagram @CCNYPoopParty.

Jass was unavailable for an interview. He of the NAC in a locked closet. While we hope for the day we can hear him speak, in the meantime we will celebrate his legacy by defecating around campus, and never in the toilet.

CCNY I$ DEBT FREE FOR THE FIR$T TIME IN YEAR$, E$TIMATE I$ $ELF-PROCLAIMED

By Joseph Russo

debt free. The 2019-2020 yearly earnings

to accommodate students in the 21st century.

The school is partnering with Intel to create a Wi-Fi source that students can hook up to while riding down the rickety elevators.

of the Bursar and Financial Aid states that the and years of debt and will begin to invest in its students and staff.

CUNY students and staff will see an extreme improvement to the North Academic Center.

Vincent Boudreau, The City College of New

After further analysis of the report by The Crampus, our analysists and accountants believe this estimate to be self-proclaimed by the college. In fact, the magazine’s business

will feel brighter being in the NAC.” Students should expect windows installed inside of every classroom in the NAC after the summer semester ends.

states, “The numbers just don’t add up. I don’t know why they are saying this.” Nonetheless, President Boudreau has publicly announced his support for the report and plans to go ahead and revamp the university.

The NAC will also be experiencing positive changes. A 24/7 convenience store will be operated where the school store is located.

The game room that’s situated near the Hoffman Student Lounge, will be equipped televisions.

investments poured into various buildings, with the exception of the post-graduate buildings on the south end of campus, investments from City College. Expect an abundance of new features to be introduced to the school, such as a 24/7 convenience store that is accessible to students only, and also the construction of a second dormitory on the south side of campus.

A cafeteria will be the biggest expansion for the North Academic Center. In the cafeteria, students should expect to see free snacks being handed out at the cafeteria. The new budget allows for full-time staff to be hired.

The kitchen staff will hand out organic fruits and honey-glazed nuts to hungry students from 8 a.m. to 9 p.m.

Bathrooms in every building will be improved.

In fact, the school will be allocating various resources to improve the number of stalls and soap dispensers in the bathrooms. One bathroom, located next to the MCA lounge in Shepard Hall, will be totally gutted and redesigned to accommodate more students.

The cafeteria will be named after Lisa Coico, former President and health professor at the City College of New York, because of her incredible contributions to the school. Coico proclaimed that, “Charity is one of my favorite qualities. That’s why I’ll be personally giving over $150,000 to the 21st Century Foundation,

The elevators, which were installed in 1983 and are repaired bidaily, will also be reinstalled

The Nat Holman Gym will be open 24/7

to students and their friends, as the school has secured enough money to hire full-time security to monitor the gymnasium. CCNY’s Jeramiah H. Mahoney’s “Pool of Dreams” will also be completed and open to students 24/7.

Adjuncts and full-time staff will be delighted

$13,000 per course taught at the City College.

In addition to that, they will be fully covered for all medical expenses.

Financial Aid will be giving students a $100 per month dividend, no questions asked. All part-time and full-time students are eligible to receive the payment in cash, regardless of attendance record or grades.

Students that are not native to the NYC area or even the state will be thrilled to know that a second dorm will be constructed on campus.

The building, which will literally be called “Towers #2,” will be installed adjacent from the post-graduate buildings and the original Towers. The rent for students will be lowered, as “living aid” will also be disbursed out to students in the form of discounted rent.

All in all, everyone on this campus should be

about the validity of the report’s estimates, despite the grand plans, President Boudreau simply retorted, “Move over Columbia, City College is here to stay.”

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BRINGING THE VACATION TO YOU:

CITY COLLEGE OF NEW YORK’S

PARADISE RESORT

By Brahmjot Kaur

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early construction for waterfalls that will fall nation close enough to your responsibilities while still enjoying the stay? Look no further!

The City College of New York was voted the number one vacation destination and hotspot in the northern Manhattan region by Cheap and Mediocre Travel Magazine for Summer 2020. The new vacation spot is likely to open semester remotely, and is already looking for bookings via their email and direct message on Instagram. The list of upcoming vacation hotspots was compiled by a variety of travel City College proudly reigns as the only City University of New York (actually any university) to make the list.

For as long as City College staff and students can remember, once the rain starts, so do the leaks and drips. Along with the leaks, renovations and construction consistently take place throughout the year. Little did we know, City College was actually planning and constructing City College: Paradise at Home the entire time! City College has been struggling with a $15 million debt that inhibited the college’s resources, and due to the crippling debt that City College faces, the Boudreau Administranancial solution and positive publicity that the school needs.

City College announced the grand opening of CCNY as a vacation destination in an email blast to all students last night. The email from

I am sure you are all aware of the leaks, drips, and renovations which took place in the last few years. City College is proud to announce that our campus will be transformed into the Manhattan! Hear the sounds of waterfalls and a variety of wildlife during your stay! Enjoy the activities and excursions offered with friends and family alike! The resort will be open and fully operational each summer and winter.

A varying schedule during the Fall and Spring semesters will also be instituted. Classes will continue as scheduled throughout the academic school year. We hope you all consider choosing City College as your next vacation destination. *Be aware you must still pay full-price for both tuition and your stay if you choose to visit*

The leaks in the ceilings were actually the

Center. The sounds of the pouring water from ving the real Zen vibe we have all been searching for. Who needs Fiji when you can hear cost-friendly price for lodging will be located in the NAC, where classrooms will be converted into windowless guestrooms. The deluxe and master guestrooms will be found in Shepard Hall. The large windows will give a beautiful view of the quad or the street behind Shepard Hall. Each room will have complimentary towels and sheets, but it is recommended to do a bed bug check each night of your visit. Breakfast is available for those who purchase vouchers. Each voucher will be an entry into the cafeteria where you can then pay for your meals. You will also be charged $0.25 per utensil used. You can expect foods that will probably not be expired (hopefully).

City College also welcomes fan clubs, organizations, and businesses for a variety of conventions. The Rabid Rodent Enthusiast Club is expected to book their annual convention at City College for 2021. The Rocky Raccoon Fan Club is also inquiring about a visit and a potential meet and greet with the famous Rokky Raccoon himself.

City College will also have a beautiful exhibit for their indigenous animals in the NAC Library. If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to see the number of mice, raccoons, and bed bugs that have chosen the NAC Library as their home.

The hot, humid, and pungent air will take you to a place you’ve never been! Be mindful of the chairs and sofas in the library or you’ll be taking some of those critters home as a souvenir!

City College will also have a number of activities and excursions available for all guests!

Along with the animal exhibit in the NAC Library, guests can take a scenic trek through scenic view is up the broken escalators. Easy, medium, hard, and expert level routes are excursion will not be revealed until the day of.

It’s a surprise every day! Will you only walk

adventure is in the surprise.

During your visit, be sure to sign up for a tour with one of CCNY’s best tour guides! Choose from a number of guides, all members of various clubs on campus. You can select a tour

based on your interests, such as the history of CCNY, partying, wildlife, etc. The increased participation on campus from clubs and their members guarantees funding for many clubs that may otherwise not have any. Visit Evelyn which club you would like to sponsor, since all previously allocated funds for clubs have gone towards the renovations for CCNY: Paradise Resort. You have to spend money to

Nightlife will also be scattered on campus to accommodate every partier who stays. Club hours has taken on a completely different meaning during your stay. Clubs are no longer associations and organizations who meet on campus, but rather dance clubs! Club hours are still during the times of 12:30 to 2:00, but now it will be 12:30 AM to 2:00 AM! A number of clubs will be located throughout campus. Visit the Rooftop Bar and Grill at the architecture building or go to an underground rave in the Marshak building, where roaches, mice, and guests will be able to party until the wee hours of the morning.

During the winter, CCNY: Paradise Resort will offer a number of snowy activities, including hiking the hill on West 141st Street between Convent Ave and St Nicholas Ave. An ice axe is recommended and can be purchased with the excursion ticket at the Help Desk on the ding activities are also available, but CCNY has made it clear that any injuries guests may acquire as a result of these activities are not the responsibility of CCNY. Waivers must be signed. You will receive copies of the waivers after you sign into your CCNY computer account and use your own printing quota (which is a requirement). If outdoor activities aren’t your scene, consider sitting by the out-of-tune piano in the NAC rotunda, watch the snow fall, listen to a bad rendition of Für Elise by Beethoven, and drink watered down hot chocolate.

Cheap and Mediocre Travel Magazine has always been a great resource with reliable and helpful tips for anyone looking for a getaway.

City College: Paradise Resort is expected to be the biggest vacation destination in the Northeast United States by 2022. After doing some shopping in Times Square or getting dinner in the Village, take the train up to City College and see the magic for yourself! Be sure to hurry -- rooms are booking fast!

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PROFESSOR SPOTLIGHT:

Adjunct Jennifer Egan, Pulitzer Winning Author

By Sara Logan

are astonished to discover that she is still being paid an adjunct’s salary. Egan’s starting was around $3,200 per course. Now, that salary has risen to $3,250 after two years of lecturing here at City College.

nifer Egan, author of Pulitzer Prize winner A Visit From the Goon Squad, has just announced some big news for her career and the reputation of CCNY. On March 3rd, Egan announced that she had won yet another Pulitzer Prize for her historical novel, Manhattan Beach. This is big news for Egan as well as her proud students, well some of them anyway.

Egan is a proud New Yorker living in Clinton Hill, Brooklyn and originally from Chicago, Illinois. Receiving her Bachelor of Arts degree from the University of Pennsylvania and her Master of Arts degree from Cambridge University, she has lived a prestigious lifestyle thus far. In the fall semester of 2018, she decided to take her career the next step further and apply to City College as an adjunct professor.

“I really had nothing to lose!” she said. “I had already written a few bestsellers and I was ready to try something different. City College was just calling my name and I knew that this was the universe’s way of telling me that I should take a chance!” Egan said with a smile.

Although Egan is a bestselling author and winner of two Pulitzer Prizes, many students 10

SPOTLIGHT

lish department at CCNY, including Writing Workshop in Prose, both French and English Literature, Intermediate Creative Writing, and Advanced Grammar. Although it may seem like a lot of taxing work, she racks in about $30,000 each year while also maintaining her obligation as a professional journalist, novelist, and short story writer.

“Her class is my favorite this year!” described Maggie Warner, a freshman Theater and Political Science major at City College. “You can tell that she really cares about her students. I just don’t understand how she could maintain such a busy life being a bestselling author and an adjunct professor.”

“I’ve always loved teaching,” Egan said. “Altuseless because of my previous experience as a writer, it means a lot to mentor writers that don’t have as much experience as I do.” books of all kinds. She pointed out the shelf with her own books on it with pride.

couple hundred words before attending my selish Literature lecture at 6:15 p.m., I’ll head back home to Brooklyn. On the subway I’ll eat my dinner, which is usually a white slice

from Pepo’s, or Halal from the food truck near the NAC. I’ll come home just in time to see my children, get in another hundred words, and head off to bed.”

Dark circles lined Egan’s eyes and empty explained that she has a lot on her plate, but she was very pleased with her situation here at CCNY. “Yeah, it does seem like a waste of my time, but I always remind myself of the positive impact that I’m bringing to each of my students here at City College. I have a lot of experience and advice to share for anyone willing to listen,” she detailed.

While some students marvel at the opportunity to learn under such a prestigious professor, The Crampus discovered most students had no idea who she was. While taking a hit of a Juul, we enlightened Dennis Ayers, a senior history major, of Professor Egan’s Putlizer

Often the students of her classes would drift off or listen to Doja Cat on their AirPods, but Egan never really minded, “There’s just something so inspiring about this next generation coming up. They’re so full of creative ideas and intellectual thoughts. My job is to nurture that seed and watch it grow. That is all I could ask for.”

After this interview with Professor Egan, she has announced that she will be leaving City College and return her work as a professional writer. Although her impact wasn’t grand, she will be missed in the CCNY community.

Sleeping Space for CCNY

By Jaquelin Bautista College of New York (CCNY) has been closed for renovations. While students had thought the space would be renovated to secure historical infrastructure, to their surprise, the space that once used to hold orientations, club and job fairs, is now a top-of-the-line Sleeping Space for students.

Studies from the Smart Academy have shown that proper rest, including naps, and physical performance throughout the day. The new Sleeping Space resembles many nap spaces in cities across the nation. What were once pillars are now sleeping pods that serve as columns. The beautiful glass art is now covered by light-blocking curtains, allowing for the proper sleeping mood.

There are levels of hammocks connecting these pillars that provide casual resting spaces. The stage, that used to be located in the back of the Great Hall, is now a wall of sleeping pods, 48 to be exact. The Sleeping Space is illuminated by 8-foot tall lava lamps that provide the proper dim lighting for sleeping. From the newly installed speaker, one can hear a variation of white noises, waves, and crickets sounds.

The Sleeping Space can hold a total of 350 students. Getting access to the space

is an easy process. Students can download the app and reserve a bed of choice

Upon registration, students are led by staff members to their assigned sleeping pod. The students will be provided with a bed with fresh sheets, a light blanket, and a pillow. Additionally, a cafe has been installed in the Sleeping Space where students can order a coffee before they fall asleep and receive a fresh cup of joe after their nap.

There are many integral factors that are essential to the experience in the new CCNY Sleeping Space, including the cleanliness, safety, and soothing ambiance. For these reasons, the following rules have been implemented: No shoes No computers No phones No video or music streaming No eating

positions for students. The rolls include staff in charge of registering and assigning students to a pod or hammock.

These students will also work at the newly installed industrial laundry station in the basement of Shepard, where bed sheets will be washed. There will also be positions for students to impose rules and provide security for sleeping students. Lastly, students working in the Sleeping Space will be in charge of ensuring that students don’t oversleep for their classes.

Currently, the administration is working on developing a training program for the future staff members responsible for the maintenance and safety of the Sleeping Space. The Sleeping Space is set to open in the Fall of 2020, students will be able to download the app on May 24, 2020, and begin exploring the features, as well as scheduling appointments. Applications for employment in the Sleeping Space are currently available at CCNYSleepingSpace.net.

Clothes must stay on at all times No swinging in Hammocks One person per sleeping pod No Alarms This new addition to the resources on campus has developed new work-study A G ML EON IBT IAE S L

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The Child Development Center Finally Opens on Campus

By Anu Shetty As the semester is coming to an end and the workload is steadily increasing in our classes, some City College of New York (CCNY) students are struggling to balance their academic life and responsibilities as new parents. Finals approaching can mean longer hours in the library or atextended time on campus that is required of students is taking a toll on their ability to care for their children. Thankfully, with no expenses spared to undertake the investigation, The Crampus magazine has uncovered the hidden Child Development Center (CDC) on campus. Located intended to house the current university president, the CDC has been discovered to have been open since the start of the semester.

Why, we asked, would the college open such a useful resource for its students,

staff, and community members without

CCNY community that struggled daily to

were all well aware of the plans for such a facility as the tension on campus became palpable between the advocates for the CDC and the group of students who did not support the money being taken from student a c tivities fees to be allocated towards the project. Advocates for t h e project claimed that t h e money was better spent servicing the members of the

set of bleachers in the gym to reduce the overwhelming number of fans forced to stand during games, as suggested by the dissenting group of students.

The opposing sides eventually reached a compromise in the amount of funding allocated for the CDC. Due to the slight decrease in expected funding, facility designers have had to pull from the resources already found on campus to create an enriching and fun curriculum for the kids. As reported by undercover members of The Crampus, the funds were put to good use and the innovation of the members of the CDC team made the CCNY administration proud. When asked about how they were managing with the budget issue, a senior designer in the facility’s design said, “I want to make sure they are equipped with all the best tools to help them learn and grow, even if that means having to pull from the unique experiences and resources the campus of CCNY provide.�

The facility is equipped with high level entertainment, educational resources, and art supplies, as per CCNY standards, and the curriculum for each age group has been designed by highly respected CDC takes care of children of all ages, ranging from full day service for toddlers and preschoolers to after school care for kids up to nine years old.

The philosophy of the CDC places a large emphasis on hands-on experiences and welcoming the natural curiosity that

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AMENITIES

children have. To fully embrace this belief, and because of the natural abundance of such critters, each child has been designated one play animal. Usually, a furry little creature is brought from one of CCNY’s other buildings, and each child is allocated thirty minutes per day to bond and interact with their new friends.

Aside from tapping into the children’s innate inquisitiveness, the service also pushes for early education lessons for its toddlers. After brushing off the asbestos particles and dust, a group of CDC staff was able to recover a Snellen eye chart Marshak building. The chart, originally intended to test a person’s vision, has been converted into a tool made to teach children the alphabet. When asked to comment, a teacher at the CDC commented, “We wanted to be innovative with our education approach. What better way to inspire out-of-the-box thinking than to

Other resources available to the children include buckets, that can be spared from with equipment donated by the maintenance staff. One maintenance worker commented, “We had some bolts and last week, and since that issue has been completely resolved we wanted to donate the extra supplies we had. Not only could the tools we leave inspire the next generation of engineers that attend this college, but the screws and washers we leave could help kids learn how to count and learn simple arithmetic.”

As thorough as The Crampus’s investigation was, the reason behind the incognito status of the CDC remains unknown. The teachers and workers involved with the facility were told not to answer questions on why the facility remains hidden from the general public and why the construction equipment and the “coming soon” poster are still seen outside the building.

Whatever the case may be, if you or another student you know is looking for a daycare facility around campus, make sure to not waste $2 of your student activities fees and check out the on campus CDC!

A G ML EON IBT IAE S L

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CCNY Athletes Fight for Endorsements from Local Vendors

By Sayra Ilyas The California bill that permits college ath-

be compensated for use of their name, image, and overall likeness, what potential avenu-

mited time ham-and cheese roll at their 135th and Amsterdam location.

made its way to New York. The poster child game-changer for college students who must $2.75 metro fare to $3 for an iced coffee. At But, totaling the costs at the end of the month, you could be looking at dropping almost $300 on transit and coffee alone. And this does not include the daily chopped cheese or dollar slice for lunch. For athletes at the City College of New York, school days last longer than your typical 9-5 jobs, with early morning conditioning workouts to traveling to tournaments that can take place in far and isolated regions of the city, like Staten Island. The cost of just getting through the day for most athletes, whether it be for meals or transit, is an added factor in the everyday stress they must endure on top of their grueling school-related responsibilities.

Now that the National Collegiate Athletic Association has voted for college athletes to 14

S P O R T S

Most stars are mesmerized by the top brand names that come in the form of Nike, Adidas, wouldn’t want to be part of the collaborative projects of such major powerhouses in athleiuniforms because of lack of CUNY funding.

No, our athletes aren’t as vain, they’re looking for sponsors that offer more substance.

Take Hamley Volquez for example. A Senior shed having a stellar season his junior year this past spring season, becoming a CUNYAC AllStar in the process. His strong performance caught the attention of several local businesses in Harlem who were looking to effectively market their businesses through his increasing prospects had him in their grasp, but Sushi Sushi was the one that came out victorious in their pursuit. With all athletic-related expenses covered, Hamley will even feature in a li-

There are many pros to this type of player compensation. It’s already known that NYC is an expensive place to live in. The added affects many students, especially at CCNY, college students. Now with this new source of income, family members no longer have to wait to begin leeching off their relatives. Additionally, treating college athletes as the pros they inspire to become one day will encourage them to follow the same high standard of moral conduct of professionals, like A-Rod. Monetary compensation for athletes seems to be a pro in every sense of the word. Of course, the expenditure of this sum of money could come cause ruins to the multi-billion-dollar industry.

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19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 CCNY ATHLETHICS CALENDAR: QUARANTINE EDITION Due to the worldwide pandemic called for COVID-19 and all campus activities moving remotely, the CCNY Athletics Department, rather than canceling all Spring 2020 sports, has decided to move them virtually as well. Classic Spring season sports including Men’s Baseball, Men’s and Women’s Outdoor (Now Indoor) Track and Field, and Co-Ed Lacrosse will all continue virtually utilizing the foolproof, easy to use, Zoom video chatting system.

in fact, safe or out.

Saturday, 4/4 (2am) – vs. Brooklyn College @ Zoom in players childhood basement’s Sunday, 4/19 (13pm)- vs. Mercy College @ Zoom in your favorite bathroom

Tuesday, 4/21 (12am) vs. Your other sibling @ Zoom

Co-Ed Lacrosse -

Wednesday, 4/22 (3:07pm)- vs. LIU Post @ Zoom in your least-favorite bathroom

Men’s and Women’s Outdoor (Indoor) Track and Field

Before we give you the dates and times in which While excited followers of the sport have waited you can watch these games, The Crampus has broken down the new NCAA quarantine match version of the sport will feature runners of both rules to easily explain how America’s favorite teams evading obstacles in their homes. As fast sports are changing amidst COVID-19. as they can, all runners must jump over their couches, chase the family pet, evade pestering que-

Nonetheless, they are excited to prove their skills in the new virtual lacrosse game introduced by the NCAA. All individual players must log into ne costs 100 points. Then, each individual player must stealthily, and fancily, cradle the lacrosse ball in many extravagant ways. The “lax bro” who can make the judges swoon, a group of volunteer pre-teens from Long Island, wins.

Men’s Baseball Rather than playing outside on a baseball dia- line, which is going under your bed covers. mond, each individual player will put on their uniform and log into Zoom. They will proceed to individually throw a baseball in the air and Monday, 4/6 (1pm)- vs. Your sibling @Zoom catch it with their mitt. The empire will randomly Saturday, 4/18 (24am) vs. Your dog @Zoom scream “Safe!” or “Out!”, determining who is

Saturday, 4/12 (12pm)- vs. Hofstra Univeristy @ Zoom Tuesday, 4/14 (3am) – vs. University of Amsterdam @ Zoom Wednesday, 4/29 (5am)- vs. Colgate College @ Zoom C A L E N D A R 15

Yelp Reviews of City College Financial Aid/Bursar‘s Office Head of Financial Aid Harlem, New York

The Financial Aid and Bursar Office is a speedy, quick, and efficient department that is practically foolproof. As a student, I can guarantee I have never had an unpleasant experience.

Ristretto Cafe Benny The Beaver Harlem, New York

I miss Benny’s Cafe! This new Ristretto Cafe is just another example of gentrification right before our eyes! Benny’s Cafe was a staple with a great mascot. Does this play have better coffee? Sure, maybe. But Benny’s Cafe had character!

USG Evelyn Ortega

Harlem, New York

The Undergraduate Student Government at CCNY is certainly very...productive and,... hands-on.

They are always there ready to ruin my day, haha did I type that? I meant MAKE my day.

Benny‘s Campus Store Rocky Raccoon Harlem, New York

I love Benny, I do. But his hype on campus is undeserving. The people chose me. ME! It should be me up on that logo!

Career Professional Development Institute 1st Year Art Student Harlem, New York

The Undergraduate Student Government at CCNY is certainly very...productive and,... hands-on.

They are always there ready to ruin my day, haha did I type that? I meant MAKE my day.