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Features Letter from the Editor, Marcia Almeida, Master LifeCycle celebrant Welcome from Charlotte Eulette, CF&I International Director Celebrant Troubadour
Iam A Life-Cycle Celebrant, A Therapist, and Yoga Instructor By Lindsay Attalla Celebration of Life or Denial of Death? By Linda Stuart, Life-Cycle Celebrant
Elaine Voci, Life-Cycle Celebrant Marilyn Dion, Life-Cycle Celebrant Maria Pereyra, Life-Cycle Celebrant
Passionate about Funerals By Adam Phillips, Life-Cycle Celebrant Celebrancy en Español Angeline Perez del Hierro Maria Pereira
Grief and Gratitude: Celebrancy as a Service to Society During These Challenging Times By Deborah Goldman, Life-Cycle Celebrant Celebrancy Today By Christopher Shelley, Life-Cycle Celebrant Symbolic Weddings in Mexico by Angelina Perez del Hierro, Life-Cycle Celebrant
Photos Credit Marcia Almeida, Lindsay Attalla, Ellen Deschatres Deborah Goldman, Maria Pereira, Angeline Perez del Hierro, Adam Phillips, Chris Shelley, Charlotte Eulette
Ellen a Celebrant-Artist By Ellen Deschatres, Life-Cycle Celebrant
Cover Page
Ceremonies Across the Lifecycle – The Antidote to the “Off Season Slump” By Elisa Chase, Life-Cycle Celebrant CF&I Education Director
“Wholly Water”. Ellen Deschatres Oil Painting. eldescha@gmail.com
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ministers, diplomats, librarians, activists therapists, journalists, government workers, death care professionals, philanthropists, entrepreneurs, teachers, computer technology folks, theater arts professionals, lawyers, Yogis, healing and well-being professionals, and retirees on their encore careers as Life-Cycle CelebrantsÂŽ. What has seemed especially valuable and fascinating to me is how our own different modes of thinking and problemsolving allow us to recognize and appreciate those differences, and we rejoice in our common ground as celebrants, and offer our uniqueness, our modes as creating 21st century Celebrants. As Life-Cycle Celebrants, we have the opportunity to follow different ceremonial paths. For some of us, the path we follow is dictated by our reasoned choice; others have expressed feeling -- for lack of a better word -- a calling, an inner yearning to create ceremonial experiences of a particular kind. In both cases, we are guided by the desire to create something meaningful for our client honorees that we value and respect and that others appreciate. In this we find our common ground: we are believers in rituals that acknowledge the changes inherent in all of our lives. As always, we aimed to fill every page of this enewsletter with knowledge that will make you an even happier Celebrant. We hope it helps you reflect upon and commit to the kind of action that gives your life meaning, beauty, service, joy and fulfillment. We thank our contributing writers. As 2017 year comes to a close, look into your lives and observe the rituals that will sustain and nurture you in the future. All the best and more! Marcia Almeida, Master Life-Cycle Celebrant, CF&I Celebrancy Today and Social Media Manager,
It is with immense gratitude and awe that we are publishing this newest Winter edition of Celebrancy Today. Thanks to all of our contributors for their generosity and sharing, and awe for the incalculable gift of what they have shared: so many wonderful wisdom, tips, words of inspiration and encouragement. It is very humbling and moving to behold all of the caring and respect with which they share all of these wonders of love with us. We especially thank Gaile Sarma and Pat Sarma, for having the vision of founding the Celebrant Foundation & Institute (CF&I), and to Charlotte Eulette, our International Director for her many years of service and enthusiasm, and finally to our board and faculty. Seventeen years later, CF&I is still growing. Next year we will be offering classes in English, French and (we are planning on Spanish as well). Currently we have certified Life-Cycle Celebrants on 5 continents. As you know, celebrants are a very diverse group of people. Our alumni Celebrant family come from different backgrounds such as: artists, published writers, life coaches,
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Dear Celebrant Foundation & Institute Alumni Tribe, Friends and Family, We humans are having a tough time making life on planet earth a good one. For most of us, - the 99% -- 2017 has been a year of unparalleled Earthly devastation and political turmoil throughout our world. How do we regain our strength to even think about starting a new year when we are still reeling from the past one? This is our dilemma and challenge. You too may have solutions to share. Let’s hear each other’s thoughts and have a dialogue: How we can create a harmonious and sustainable world for everyone? As Celebrants we know that healing rituals have power, so let’s get to it. I have a focusing ritual that may be useful. May I suggest that on a clear night you go outside and lie down on the ground and look up. People walk around looking down or forward but not up. Looking up in this position, you’ll see that you are a part of the whole entire universe. Take it all in. Breathe in all the air you can into your loving lungs and then slowly breathe it out. Do this a couple of times. Being alive is a miracle. Appreciate this small but grand gesture of your living breath. I remember when I was a kid back in Chicago in the 1970’s, I’d go outside on a clear winter’s night wearing my coat, hat, gloves, and scarf -- “all bundled up” as they say -- and I’d trustingly fall back into a huge snow mound just outside of my house and gaze up at the stars. The sight alone would fill me with joy and warm my 10-year-old soul. All those constellations so far away and here’s me at 1114 South Hannah, Forest Park, Illinois, looking up at it all. “Wow,” I’d say to myself, “this is the world that I belong to and it belongs to me.” I realized a powerful and deep connection to it all. You must have had an experience something like this sometime in your life. As this year ends and a new one begins, I urge you to change your focus and fall back, in a sense or for real, and observe your world. Fall back and remember yourself as a child with all your unfettered hopes and dreams for the future. Fall back into the loving embrace of the Earth -- from where you came. As a family of people, I believe we can recalibrate our collective now. Next year is overflowing with possibilities: It hasn’t happened but it’s waiting to take place. Go grab yourself and lay your body down to do this focusing ritual that will make positive, nurturing, loving things unfold. It’s important for each of us to try. If we do this by ourselves -- yet together -- it has power. Sincerely, Charlotte Eulette Int’l Director for CF&I
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Celebrant Troubadour
This blog showcases – all the many ways meaning and purpose can be found through rituals, rites and ceremonies. It’s written for fellow Celebrants and for all others who place a value on meaningfulness in daily life experiences, and who delight in marking those passages that bring us through our milestones and adventures of the spirit
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Rituals Are Not Just for Celebrants By Elaine Voci, Ph.D., Certified Life Cycle Celebrant I love rituals, don’t you? They have been around forever: rituals have been core elements of the customs and traditions of indigenous peoples over the eons. Rituals can be found everywhere in modern life, too, and are often associated with religious and spiritual practices. Rituals have even recently become a new interest area for workplace research and have been shown to strengthen desirable employee behaviors, to create a sharper mental focus on goals, and to help foster a sense of belonging – all factors that contribute to increased productivity. An article published by the Harvard Business Review Blog Network showed how “rituals make us value things more.”( https://hbr.org/2013/12/new-research-rituals-make-us-value-things-more/ ) As a Celebrant, one of my favorite tools in my vocational kit are rituals, rites of passage and ceremonies. As someone said at our graduation ceremony, “Celebrants have never met a ritual they didn’t love.” But rituals are also treasured by other people who appreciate creating and celebrating meaningful life events. I recently read an article about a new idea called “Ritual Salons.” These events bring ritual enthusiasts together with groups of friends and colleagues to create and utilize rituals for everyday life. Here’s how the salons are described by the author, Daren Polito, “My salons are a laboratory where about ten friends and I explore creating rituals, doing one together and then discussing its impact over a potluck dinner.” (http://www.spiritualityandpractice.com/blogs/posts/the-ritual-space/) I plan to adapt this great idea to my practice, and will be glad to share my experiences with you on this blog later in the spring. As January arrives, one of my favorite rituals in our Web-based world is watching on television as the New Year is rung in across the globe. It’s a thrilling spectacle that brings me a direct experience of being connected to One Humanity. It never fails to choke me up with emotions of gratitude, awe, and joy. May I take this opportunity to wish you a wonderful year of rites, rituals and ceremonies – and, from my heart to yours, have a Happy New Year!! Elaine Voci is a life coach, specializing in career coaching, in private practice in Carmel, IN and a graduate of the Celebrant Foundation & Institute class of 2014 where she concentrated her studies on funerals. A published author of five books, she has loved rituals and ceremonies since she was a girl.
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Traditions and rituals enrich our lives. According to our iPhone friend Siri, “a ritual is a sequence of activities involving gestures, words, and objects, performed in a sequestered place and performed according to set sequence. A tradition is a belief or behavior passed down within a group or society with symbolic meaning or special significance with origins in the past.” The Holidays, especially Christmas, is a perfect example of rituals within traditions. There are family rituals that my mother performed to ensure our Christmas was special. She was a talented crafty lady who made many of our gifts. Baking began at least a month ahead of the 25th. There were so many cookies and squares and each of us had our favorites – like the decorated shortbreads or the cinnamon nut fingers. These delectables were kept in giant round tins that in days gone by had held reels of film. The homemade pies — scrumptious! Just mention butterscotch or lemon meringue on Christmas Eve and they would magically appear after you were stuffed with turkey. As a military family, we moved around a lot so home was wherever our PMQ (permanent married quarters) was! I admired the fact that mom kept in touch with several hundred people and took great pride in getting beautiful cards mailed with personal notes written in each. It became her custom to write one letter choc full of the family news over the past year to include in each card and my computer savvy Dad would copy it and print labels. We had a special Christmas drink my mother devised consisting of Welch’s grape juice and ginger ale. Countless hours were spent crocheting angels, bears and stars for the tree and stringing popcorn garland. Eating After Eights mints and snacking on Planter’s cashews while playing board games — pretty much a once a year specialty! Mom’s passion for the festivities was passed down to me — some rituals I continued and some I created when I had children. Some of our best memories are tied to the repetition of these activities, like the setting up of the nativity scene or the assembly of the rotating brass angel candles year after year. Learning to bake the popular recipes for my family, sending cards, and heading to church Christmas Eve became cherished rituals. We looked forward to activities like traveling to my parents for the holidays, going to senior’s homes with my father and brother to play guitar and
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sing carols, and shopping for and making gifts for each other. But my favorite rituals always involved my children, presents they had wished for were only opened after their stockings and they ate their breakfast. Oh the anticipation — to relish their priceless delight on magical Christmas mornings. These rituals, and so many more, have touched my heart, have formed fond memories for my daughters and continue to build our family connections. My three year old granddaughter is becoming familiar with some of the rituals our family still does, from decorating our homes to baking special treats. We are also endeavoring to instill in her the heart within the holidays by doing for others — gifting our time or our treasures in our community. Learning to choose loving rituals that work in your family, that are meaningful, relaxed, realistic and reasonable, is as important and as individual as each of us. Marilyn Dion is a Life-Cycle Celebrant®, owner of Woven Words Ceremonies and the Canada East Alumni Mentor for the Celebrant Foundation & Institute.
"Learning to choose loving rituals that work in your family, that are meaningful, relaxed, realistic and reasonable, is as important and as individual as each of us." – Marilyn Dion, Life-Cycle Celebrant
I have been given the privilege to write a few words that may shed a light for fellow Celebrants and sincerely hope that what I share may be of use and bring a smile to your heart. Please feel free to contact me! We are not alone. About the ceremony There are three things that I consider key for a ceremony: What tone does the couple wish for their ceremony, what are their colors and whether they want to include religious elements. The tone is for the words I use and how I say them, the colors to make sure that what I wear blends with their choices and the religious elements to help them include special readings and traditions. Being raised catholic it comes easy to me to include religiosity, be it, Catholic, Jewish or any religion that calls for a sacred moment. Though as Celebrants we are told that our ceremonies will be mostly non-denominational, in my case, I have married many couples in which I incorporate religion, making sure of course, not to cross boundaries.
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When I am asked to help with a bilingual ceremony, my aim is to not translate word by word but to let things flow, so that guests enjoy all words be it in their language or not. For example, I suggest that the couple exchange their rings in the language they use for each other. I add Spanish endearing words here and there such as: “señorita”, ”Que Dios los bendiga” “Y que lleguen a viejitos tomados de la mano”. I always offer to declare them married in their native language be it whichever it may be. The couple and their guests are grateful for this and love it! For myself, it has certainly been fun learning Creole, French, Italian, Slovakian! The day of the ceremony My day begins with a meditation in which the aim is to let go of tensions and thoughts, looking for an inner silence and inner peace. Once I am silent I include a prayer in which I visualize the couple I will marry and wish them well, I ask myself to give my best. Two hours before the ceremony I get ready, drink a little coffee and head on out, with enough time to arrive 30 minutes before the ceremony. As I drive, I let go of any physical tensions, listening to relaxing music. When I arrive to the venue, I take the time to collect and ground myself in the bathroom stall (about five minutes ) Afterwards, I make sure that l look decent and ready to go, then…I walk lightly, say hello to the coordinator, bride, DJ and photographer giving them each a cue sheet and my business card (except for the bride) Then, I take a seat: Another opportunity to relax, close my eyes and follow my breathing for a few minutes. I look at nature, keep looking, sense my feet on the ground and forget about my ego and how I may or may not look, what people may or may not think of me. I remember “you are here for them”. Surrendering to the moment is of utmost importance to me. Once the music begins, I listen to the music, feel my eyes, I accompany the groom, next to his side, offering him silent strength, silent company. As the bride walks, I smile at her and then we are ready to continue. I strive that every word has an intention, a feeling, a meaning. I am not reading out of a menu, I am reading words that capture their love and with each question, with each comma, with each exclamation there is a feeling. That feeling is felt by the couple, their guests, the photographer, everyone. We are all together in this, thanks to the wonder of love and to the joy of caring. The welcome begins with a moment of inviting all to relax and to live in the moment. I ask everyone to sense their feet on the ground, their heads towards the sky, to silence our minds and open our hearts, to
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breathe. I do this with them, helping the couple relax and connect with their present, a present that they have been looking forward to. To help them cherish that moment is an honor and something I take to heart. Bio: Maria Pereyra was born and raised in Lima, Peru. She is 1 of 11 siblings, her mom was a housewife and in her later years loved working at a children’s day care. Her father was a civil and consulting engineer, who wrote two novels when he retired. She went to elementary and high school in Peru, at The American School of Lima, moved to Florida in 1984 to study at Valencia Community College and has a major in Communications from The University of Central Florida. She worked in marketing, advertising, was her dad’s caregiver until his last breath, and found her path as a Life Cycle Celebrant and Ordained Minister in 2014. She is a member and secretary of the Gurdjieff Foundation of Miami. Maria is known for officiating heartfelt wedding ceremonies that include a soft and spiritual tone. She is bicultural and bilingual in Spanish and absolutely loves being a Celebrant! She lives in South Florida with her Chilean Prince and three cats and hopes to have her very own wedding in the near future. Email: mmpereyra@gmail.com Website: www.siweddingceremonies.com Telephone: 954 501 7874
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Life-Cycle Ceremonies: A Handbook for Your Whole Life
How do you commemorate momentous events? Memorialize people who have shaped you? Draw support from those you hold dear? This primer offers methods for honoring the special occasions in your life with humor and grace. Its ceremonies help ground each day in the wholeness that supports our entire lives. Each ceremony has been vetted by a certified Life-Cycle CelebrantÂŽ affiliated with the Celebrant Foundation and Institute, which offers training and support for celebrants worldwide. Visit us at www.celebrantInstitute.org.
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Grief and Gratitude: Celebrancy as a Service to Society During These Challenging Times By Deborah Goldman, MA Entering through the sheer black veil, I find myself in a darkened room, illuminated only by candles and tiny strands of lights on four altars surrounding the space. As I take my seat in the circle of thirty-five women, I am embraced by a deep sense of mystery. Held by the quiet otherworldly vocals from Carolyn Hillier’s Cave of Elders, my eyes catch the open casket in the center of the room, draped in black velvet, surrounded by dead leaves, twisted bare grape vines, and votives. I sit with the women, sinking further into the silent spaciousness, a quiet respite from the chaos and daily despair evoked by a year of unfolding crises in the US and beyond. So began the Samhain Circle and Communal Grief Ritual which I recently had the privilege of co-creating and facilitating with three of my Women’s Lodge sisters. Called by a deep yearning inside myself for a place to give voice to our collective losses, a place where rage could give way to grief, and grief to wailing and keening, I turned to one of my own spiritual communities. Women’s Lodge is a local grassroots group inspired by the myths and images of the sacred feminine across cultures and throughout time. The group meets to celebrate the Wheel of the Year, and describes itself as “a feminist culture of peacemaking that, through ritual, strives to create new patterns and possibilities for living in harmony on our Mother the Earth.” While creating our annual autumn ceremony for honoring our ancestors, we knew this year something else was needed, something to honor the heartwrenching death of hard earned rights and protections, and the countless women, men, children, animals, and ecosystems killed, threatened, or destroyed by climate disasters, political policies, and emboldened acts of hatred and
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violence. We knew we needed to create a space for solace and sustenance in shared company, where we could listen together for guidance; a place where we could find courage and inspiration for the collective work of healing, repair, and transformation ahead. We gathered under the dark night sky, illuminated by the full Mourning Moon. Following an opening dance and invocations, we began by honoring personal losses. In the tradition of La Dia De Los Muertos, the room was encircled with photographs of each woman’s deceased loved ones. Those experiencing recent losses were invited to call out their names and place a marigold next to their picture. And then everyone was invited to join in our annual tradition, dancing with our beloved dead. Words cannot capture how profound this ritual is. Imagine yourself in the ethereal arms of your father, who died before you could dance with him on your wedding day. Or perhaps introducing yourself for the first time to your estranged grandmother. Or thanking your great-grandfather for having the courage to leave Czarist Russia alone, a teenager courageously forging a new life for his family, for you, in a new land. Imagine whirling through the space, as you feel the tears streaming down your face, and glance other women doing the same. And then engaging in an intimate dialogue with another woman, sharing your personal losses, and silently and reverently listening to your partner as she speaks. Strengthened by our connection to our ancestors and each other, we then moved into the communal grieving aspect of the evening. Each woman returned
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to her place in the circle and held the image, object, or text she was asked to bring, symbolizing a collective loss that feeds her sorrow. One by one the women stepped forward, some weeping and sobbing, and called out the loss as they placed the symbol in the open casket… “Indigenous treaty rights and sacred lands…the right to make choices about our own bodies…protections for our LGBTQ sisters and brothers…a safe haven for Dreamers and Refugees…people shot and killed in their houses of worship or persecuted in their homeland… endangered sea turtles… the melting artic ice… civil discourse… democracy… truth … innocence.” Circling the casket together, we were led into a powerful dance, hands held tight, feet stomping the earth, accompanied by Vrlisko Kolo, a Croatian women’s song of lament which served as a transition to our own fullthroated wailing and keening. Brought to our knees by grief, I then led the group in a guided journey. Held by the ancient earth, the women were invited to visit an ancestor, to seek wisdom and courage to work toward healing one part of the broken world. This was followed by a period of silence during which each woman was invited to visit the ancestor altars for further guidance and inspiration, or to journal the wisdom she received. We were called out of the silence by chanting, and then ecstatic drumming that raised our energy and empowered our visions of collective action. This segued into one of the Dances of Universal Peace, encouraging us to bring peace into the world with each step. And then each woman was given a unique image of the sacred feminine, each an actual archeological relic, some 30,000 even 230,000 years old, to remind us of our endurance and perseverance. We ended with our arms around each other, swaying from side to side, to our traditional closing song, a Romanian lullaby by Joc de Leagane called the Midwives Dance. Recognizing that giving voice to our communal grief is a powerful tool for transformation, one participant commented that “It was very healing to hear the words of the other participants in the ritual. As they named their grief, I felt that I was not alone in my mourning. And as we wailed and moaned that sounding encouraged us to give voice to our pain. It was cathartic. The ritual was an unburdening that helped to clear the way for action.” As Life-Cycle Celebrants, we can play an important role in our own spiritual communities, our women’s and men’s circles, our writing and artmaking groups, our local multicultural networks, our villages, towns, and cities, creating spaces for our neighbors to give voice to their collective grief; to remember, offer
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gratitude for, and draw inspiration from all those who came before us who made our lives possible; to connect in our vulnerability and strength; and to envision and create the world we want to live in. We can be powerful facilitators of social change.
Deborah Goldman, MA, is a Life-Cycle Celebrant, Interspiritual Counselor and Minister, whose work is infused with the expressive arts, and inspired by her love of the earth and all beings. She holds a Masters Degree from Lesley University, four certificates from the Celebrant Foundation, and is working on her second certificate from One Spirit Seminary, where she will be ordained in June of 2018. She brings 32 years of experience co-creating and facilitating ceremonies across the entire lifespan - for milestone moments, life transitions, healing, and seasonal celebrations. She can be reached at debinpeace@gmail.com or at https://www.facebook.com/deb.goldman.12
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Celebrancy Today By Christopher Shelley, Life-Cycle Celebrant
Every time I officiate a wedding, guests seem delighted that the ceremony was personal, that it really seemed to capture the love of the couple, that it was meaningful even though they enjoyed it, as if enjoying something automatically strips it of meaning. This was the same sentiment I overheard during cocktail hours back in 2012, when I began doing this work. I don’t know why I thought it
optimistically through this transition. Celebrants celebrate the miracle of a love union instead of just warning about its perils. We seem to be the only ones who realize that there are two living, breathing people going through this transition, and that they need another living, breathing person to guide them through it. In a way, I guess this is good for business: if our approach was common, we would have to think of other ways to set ourselves apart. I got into this business because I attended ceremonies where the couple seemed separate from the process of transition and the person usually some religious functionary who seemed like he’d rather be anywhere else - leading them through that process. As a Celebrant, with my couples, I am enmeshed as personally and honestly as I can be as they step through that magical field into marriage. In those moments, there is nowhere I’d rather be. I feel that I am doing what I have been called to do…although technically most people reach out initially via email…so…I feel that I am doing what I have been emailed to do. When we go from being students to being working Celebrants, and then from working Celebrants to improving working Celebrants, we need a guide too, and that’s what the Celebrant Alumni Association is there for. Before I decided to go through the Celebrant program, I vetted the idea with my
would be different by now. For many guests, mine are still the first Celebrant-led ceremonies they’ve ever attended. I bet some of my Celebrant colleagues who’ve been doing this work for much longer than I have can say the same thing. Somehow, meaningful, personal ceremonies that don’t make everyone in attendance feel terrified of marriage are still novel. This is why Celebrants are so vital. Celebrants focus their enthusiasm on the rite of passage being undergone by these couples, these specific humans, guiding them gracefully and
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wife and other trusted friends. They helped me decide that going through the program would give me a solid network on which I could rely, and that is exactly what it did. The goal was not so much to be a student but to earn the right to be an alumnus. If I have any questions about promoting my business, I turn to the Alumni Association and my fellow Celebrants. If I need an idea for a ritual, I can browse through the Celebrant library. When I need help writing a press release, guess where I turn. When I want a fancy logo on my website bragging that I am a trained Celebrant, you know where I go. I sent in my information to the office so my image and bio could be listed on the
expos, client interaction, counseling, anything at all, and within minutes somebody has answered my question. Usually several people respond, others add their thoughts on top of the original response, and bada bing bada boom I’ve got myself an advice tripledecker with a side of knowledge chips.
Celebrant Foundation website faster than I’ve done most things in my life, partly for the pride of showing the world that I made it through the program and partly for the SEO. I made friends with several Celebrants and, once we all discovered that there are more weddings in New York than any of us can do ourselves, we began to and continue to refer couples to each other.
The network calls bring me back to school days, when I was on the phone or my computer headset with smart Celebrants around North America talking shop. Recently, I was honored with the task of hosting the Wedding Network Calls after my esteemed colleague Jill Magerman had done so for years. These calls are a treasure, because now the voices calling in from around North America and other countries are the voices of experienced Celebrants who have played the role of wedding transitioners for couples of every age, race, nationality, sex and personal preference. These are the voices of experience, the voices of people smart enough to know that they should always be learning. These are the voices of people who have navigated through more quirky situations than most people go through in a lifetime. These are the voices who understand
For me, the two most valuable things about belonging to this great group of people are the Celebrant Foundation Facebook page and the network calls. On the Facebook page, morning noon or night, breakfast lunch or dinner, brunch, linner, dreaklunchfastner, whatever, I can toss any question I have about readings, venues, laws, themes, brainstorming, best practices, websites, business cards, wedding
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exactly what I am going through as a Wedding Celebrant. The Celebrant movement is bigger than the ceremonies we create; it is a collected effort to celebrate the good in the world, and to be better humans. Based on what I heard the last time I tuned into NPR, the world could use some better humans.
Chris became a Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant specializing in Weddings in 2012. He has a BFA in Acting from Boston University and an MFA in Creative Writing from NYU. He's performed weddings in settings as diverse as the New York Public Library, The Plaza Hotel, Citifield, Grand Central Station, all over Central Park, on Hudson River dinner boats, Broadway Theaters, Brooklyn rooftops, sprawling mansion lawns and teeny hotel suites. He has appeared four times on The Rachael Ray Show and even performed a pet memorial for Joan Rivers' dog on the late comedienne's show, Joan Knows Best. He has published short fiction in online magazines and his writing is represented by Dystel, Goderich & Bourret LLC. Chris writes and performs wedding ceremonies through his company Illuminating Ceremonies.
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México is a very religious Country, Mexican people are and have always been proudly Guadalupan, sons and daughters of Virgencita de Guadalupe. From the highest levels of society, where people boast, as they have for centuries, about how many priests or nuns are in the family, or about the charities the family participates in, or if Father “x” often comes to dinner, to the lowest levels, where specially women observe their ancestral traditions which took up Catholic beliefs and rituals, that give their life and even death some sense. What other people think is very important too, specially about those who do not follow traditions as everyone else does. I have noticed that most people who were born in the 50’s, raised Catholics and even educated in Catholic schools, did not vibrate with religious teachings they were brought up with, and for this reason, did not educate their children in those beliefs. Therefore, those children, our “millennials” do not give a heck about their grandparent’s religion. More than once I have had young couples tell me they would love me to marry them, but that they have to convince their family to allow a non-catholic marriage. It is these couples, in case they do want to get married instead of just keep living together, that want a Symbolic Wedding as they are called in Mexico, mainly because I as a Celebrant, do not represent any religious or legal institution. Some of them also want the legal or civil marriage. There are two other groups that will hire my services, divorced people and same-sex couples, for whom there is no room or blessing in the Catholic Church. Mexico City in recent years legalized same-sex marriage, and it is open for couples around the country. Civil Marriage is only performed by a Justice of the Peace, who has to be an Attorney at Law, and deserve such title among a limited number of candidates. Besides the paperwork, some Justices like to give a sermon, frequently packed with advice for the newlyweds, but they are not prepared or interested in creating a nice ceremony. And it is true that every woman, even if it is not her first marriage, wishes to shine that day in a beautiful, meaningful, personal wedding that speaks about her and her soulmate, about their history and beliefs.
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Elopements are non-existent in Mexico. Some years ago, and still now in small towns, it is said that the groom “steals away the bride” when she left the family and they set-off to live together. In many cases, they do get married later in a proper Catholic ceremony. The above being said, it is not common in México to have a Symbolic Wedding or a Celebrant Wedding. The figure of a Celebrant itself is totally unknown, so much so, that my ad in the main wedding websites appears among more than 400 Wedding Planners, as there is no listing for Celebrants, Ministers or Officiants of Symbolic Weddings. So I began offering my services for free to family and friends, gaining some experience and making myself known. I also set out to contact a number Wedding Planners, just in case they were asked for a Celebrant for a Symbolic or Spiritual Wedding, as they are also called. I will be closing my third year of practice with a total of 49 ceremonies performed, which include two Baby Namings, a Quinceañera, and a couple of Anniversaries. I have been lucky, for besides the excellent formation I got from the Celebrant Foundation and Institute, which allows me to perform in a very professional way, I have been recommended by people who have hired my services or who have been present in one of my ceremonies. I have also had the chance to perform bilingüal ceremonies for couples composed by Mexicans who marry foreigners. I love what I do, I enjoy meeting interesting, mainly young people who are in love, and being a part of their special day. I hope this way of celebrating a marriage keeps growing, as I believe it is very authentic, and leaves a smile and sometimes a tear in all those who have a chance to witness it.
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Ellen a CelebrantArtist
By Ellen Deschatres, Life-Cycle Celebrant
During my years as a Celebrant, I’ve seen lots of pictures of Celebrant weddings and read lots of articles about funerals past and present. I’ve seen posts on social media about the heady, dizzying number of ceremonies people have done, and do over a single weekend and thrill to accounts of their experiences. Still, however, I used to sigh over the pictures of smiling faces and lovingly arranged images and wonder why the prospect of doing several ceremonies over the course of a weekend was so exhilarating to others, while secretly realizing that the prospect of such intense activity invoked sheer panic on my part. Was I not meant to do this work? I asked myself this question on more than one occasion, particularly after officiating a ceremony myself, where I would come home (introvert that I am) emotionally spent. Since I began my Celebrant practice in 2010, I have ebbed and flowed with this work and not been at all sure I was cut out for it much of the time. I began my journey into this Celebrant life in 2009, after my husband
and I sold our business of over 30 years. I was searching for a new chapter; for another way to express my skills and talents. One day, an article in Money magazine on Celebrancy caught my eye. It described becoming a Celebrant as one of the best second careers for people looking for a new one. Note that I used the word “career” and not “job”. Jobs are plentiful…careers require passion. The more I read about it, the more fascinated I became and the more convinced that this was not only something I wanted to do, but something that exuded honor, grace, creativity, and tremendous heart. I had been reading a lot of Joseph Campbell’s works and was thrilled to discover that the foundation of the Celebrant coursework was indeed based upon Joseph Campbell’s idea of “threshold moments”…those experiences and moments by which we are forever changed. We have all had life-changing experiences, but now the notion that I could actually create, with a potential client, a ceremony in which they could 21 Celebrancy Today Winter 2017-2018
wrap themselves and their loved ones sounded incredible and a good fit for me because I have always been an artist. Music, dance, writing, poetry and visual arts are part of my DNA…handed down by my mother and other relatives and aided by a return to school to embark upon a professional study of visual art at my alma mater, Washington University in St. Louis, where I learned that all of life is art. I am still constantly reminded of it during the course of daily life. Years later, many ceremonies later, I still proudly wear the “brand” of Life-Cycle Celebrant, but it has taken me years to understand why I do this work and how it fits into what is a very delicate balance of dedication to art and studio time and to the service of others. I have come to more fully understand myself and how I can best express my Celebrant “self”…ie, the self that must come up for air from time to time to serve and to be replenished in return by the grace that I experience in doing this work. I do hope that writing about my particular way of working might be helpful to omeone out there who is seeking to define his or her Celebrant practice in a way that is new and feels true to who they are. As my practice evolved, I realized that the struggle to recreate or imitate the “business” model that appeared to be a good fit for others was not going to work for me. I could not put my proverbial “square peg in a round hole”
if I wanted to continue. I had to make it my own if I wanted to go deeper into the actual nature of the work…if what I was seeking was to give and to receive. Could it be that there was more to this work than just how many ceremonies I could perform? I realized that if it was a numbers game, that I would not survive the test. I needed to rethink just about everything and shut out the voices of the “madding” crowd of business models and promotions and social media and gurus of every sort to figure this out for myself. Over time, I did what I do with most of my art puzzles…I stopped focusing on it so intensely and just took each ceremony as it came. I stopped worrying about whether or not I was doing a ceremony every weekend. I observed the process from within which revealed an inner truth to me in a quiet moment.
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we use ceremonial words, rituals, symbols and metaphors as tools to invite all who are gathered to experience the wave of the “Collective Unconscious”. We lead them down and through these unexplored areas and help them re-emerge safely and securely. One might say that we are ceremonial shamans who metaphorically help those we serve by paddling the boat of change across the River Styx, knowing that we are honored to serve as witnesses to what is being created. We are their ceremonial shamans...they are our precious cargo. The rest of the journey is up to them. We can only stand at the shore and wave, knowing we’ve done our best to accompany them, and knowing that we have been privileged to do so. In closing, this small quote from Rabbi Lawrence Kushner pretty much sums it up for me. In every season of our lives, may we all be a piece to someone else’s puzzle, and may we all be messengers of peace and joy.
I realized that being celebrant is not what I do...it’s another and valued part of who I am. The ceremonies I write are an expression of my poetic self, which is an expression of art and the way I view the world. It’s not a vocation, but an avocation. Even more important, I know that on some level I am a modern-day ceremonial healer. The art flows through me and out to the world with healing as its purpose, no matter the occasion, because healing is required at every transitional juncture. It’s an emotional gift that I give to others, like a ceremonial bouquet with its own unmistakeable fragrance. Making art is a product of the way an artist relates to the world, and the art of Celebrancy is as unique as our fingerprint and a sacred charge. As Celebrant-artists, each of us leads clients through threshold moments whereby those participating are forever changed. At each moment of transition,
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“Everyone carries with them at least one and probably Many pieces to someone else's puzzle. Sometimes they know it. Sometimes they don't. And when you present your piece Which is worthless to you, To another, whether you know it or not, Whether they know it or not, You are a messenger from the Most High.� ~Rabbi Lawrence Kushner
Ellen Deschatres, Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant, with certifications in Wedding and Funeral ceremony. My creative abilities, and a keen eye for composition are important for creating a well-ordered ceremony with emotional impact. Being a visual artist allows me to be sensitive to all aspects of the ceremony experience. Fiber arts, including: 2D and 3D quilt art, thread paintings, and clothing construction. Visual art: portraiture, collage, greeting cards. Goals: To expand my client base and educate the public about the importance of ceremony. To create ceremonies that are meaningful and personal to my clients and their guests.
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The winter season often brings a down
intentions. If Summer is the season for Weddings, Winter may very well be the season for community based rituals and ceremonies.
turn in many of our “traditional” ceremony offerings, such as Weddings and Celebrations of Life. Cold or unpredictable weather hits some locations, shorter days limit outdoor events, venues fill with corporate parties or shut down, and families look to spend time together celebrating a variety of holidays. Yet, some of these challenges offer exceptional opportunities for many alternative ceremonies, like the ones we cover in our Ceremonies Across the Lifecycle or Ceremonies for Healings courses. The months of December and January include the Winter Solstice, Yuletide, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day, Three Kings Day and MORE. February brings Valentine’s Day. December is known as peak “Engagement Season”. The major holidays offer many rituals before or during the events including community gatherings for tree lightings, holiday remembrance, candle lightings, commemorative events, and mindful
The very best, and almost ONLY way, to sell ceremonies across the lifecycle (those ceremonies that are not weddings or funerals) is to focus on community. Think about the groups or organizations you personally are involved with like Woman’s Groups, Art Leagues, houses of worship, Yoga or metaphysical groups, recovery groups, care based organizations, or sports leagues, school or educational organizations, professional or business teams—the list is as endless. 25 Celebrancy Today Winter 2017-2018
Create the outline for a memorial tree lighting or candle lighting and contact any number of Senior Centers/Community Centers or Veterans organizations and offer your service. You may find some groups have a budget for this work, you may be able to negotiate a percentage of the cost of the event (if they charge) or you may offer your service free this year with the idea that if the event has a strong enough draw, next year you might consider a small fee. I started offering a free memorial candle lighting at our local community center 2 years ago and over 50 people attended. The next year, we asked for a $5 event fee, and 75 people attended, which netted me $300, and paid for the coffee and donuts offered by the Community Center. The community center sold the tickets and did most of the work. I did the ceremony. One of the best ways to offer seasonal ceremonies is to partner with an organization that gets together on a regular basis to offer a customized or themed experience just for them. Sometimes this means being able to accommodate special needs, holds space for deep emotions, or create a ceremony that is rich in details that resonate based on a groups unique interests. Last weekend I did a small “End of the Season” ceremony at the marina where we store our boat for winter months when it is too cold to have boats in the water here in Connecticut. Everyone was invited to bring a “Flag of Mourning” to hang on the bow of their vessel as each boat would be pulled from the water, and dry docked until Spring. It was a tongue in cheek event, run a little bit like a mock
Think about how holiday rituals, end of the year, or New Year’s events manifest in the groups in which you are a member, leader or participant. Brain storm ways you personally wish you could spend time during this season where light and dark converge based on your hobbies, interests or organizations. Some ideas to prime the pump: Offer a free or low-cost class on creating “meaningful family holiday traditions” and use the event to meet people in your community who are ritual oriented and open to self-created ceremony. These kinds of folks are often very open to Celebrant ceremonies for other major life events, such as weddings, house or home ceremonies, funerals etc. Libraries often offer rooms for free if your event is free. For the Spiritual but not Religious Celebrants, how about offering a “Spirted Christmas /Hanukah/Holiday” event that emphasizes connection and spiritual concepts rather than Christian, Jewish or other organized religious affiliations. For the Atheists amongst us, or the agnostics like myself- what about a Secular Christmas ceremony that focuses on the non-religious aspects of Christmas traditions.
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funeral as we bid goodbye to Summer with a rum toast, and a little bit like a Game of Thrones tribute as the theme was “Winter is Coming”. I did not charge for my service, but I did hand out business cards and one-page brochures for my new Weddings on the Water and private Ash Scattering Ceremonies to a couple dozen boat owners who all love the river and the ocean as much as my husband and I do. Maybe you are into horses, motorcycles, theater, book clubs, parents group, drumming circles, Alzheimer’s or Grief Support groups. What might spark your favorite groups holiday interests as we close the year, or begin a new one and how can you inspire, create, lead or participate in a ritual or event created with their needs or interests at its core? While it may be too late to capture events in your community for
Halloween, Samhain, Day of the Dead, or even mid-December holidays for 2017, the time is NOW to start researching, assessing and planning events you can create or participate in for the 2018 season. Keep your eyes and ears open, ask folks you know what they may like, want or need from this holiday season that you, their very own community Certified Lifecycle Celebrant® could bring to them in the coming years. Think of ways you could partner with other organizations in your community. Plant the seeds now, so you can grow them into dazzling opportunities next year. And remember, sometimes doing community events free of charge is the best possible investment you can ever make in your overall marketing plan.
Wishing you all a beautiful December and a magical New Year!
Elisa Chase
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I am by trade a Civil Life-Cycle Celebrant, therapist, and yoga instructor. Like a sand ceremony ritual, each of these three jars of sand has been poured together, never to be separated into the individual grains of sand exactly as they were before. Embarking on my career as a celebrant, I had no idea just how in sync my world would come to be. In therapy I talk with my clients about congruency, about the freedom that may come to be when our behaviors, words, actions align with our core values and beliefs. Now it is not my job to determine if any of this is “good” or “bad”, “right” or “wrong”, in fact, my job is quite the opposite... I am paid to not judge. This is hard. This type of work requires me to challenge my biases, to continuously do the same work I ask of my clients. As a yoga instructor and practitioner, I am provided the opportunity to do this work as I face my ego every time I face my mat. So where does being a celebrant fit in to all of this? The collision of my perceived separate worlds happened upon meeting a couple for coffee to discuss potentially working together for their upcoming wedding ceremony. They told me about themselves, said they had been together for over 17 years and upon the legalization of gay marriage, decided to celebrate with a wedding of their own. My heart swelled with excitement; to take part in such social change is a dream come true. The idea of this being a “business meeting” fell away quickly, as we were mutually enthralled in hearing about one another’s lives. After sharing about my work as a therapist in substance
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abuse, they shared with me their personal journey of addiction and recovery. Through one groom’s addiction to substances the other stood unwavering, and together, they stand today upon a foundation of sobriety over 15 years solid. The night before the ceremony the groom received a call, his mother had passed away. He refused to cancel, as he knew his mother would not want that. He insisted on walking down the aisle in celebration of her life, and that is just what he did. In a room packed with guests, we spoke the Serenity Prayer, a piece devoutly recited by members of the 12-step community. It goes like this... "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference�. Viktor Frankl, founder of Logotherapy and Existential Analysis, tells us that we as humans possess the freedom of choice to instill meaning and purpose in our lives, even in suffering. My job as a celebrant, a therapist, a yogi, is to provide a space for the cultivation of meaning. I believe in what I do. I believe the art of celebrancy is mostly the art of facilitating meaning. Through each ceremony and ritual I officiate at I am called upon to tell a story of love, often times interwoven with hardship and loss. So how did does being a yoga instructor and a therapist contribute to my coveted role as celebrant? It taught me to be a witness. In guiding those on the mat, in holding space for the healing power of therapy in a client-centered relationship, I get to simply bear witness. I am there as a guide. I get the opportunity to truly be others-centered, to be drawn out of my own human condition of self, of separation, and to witness. This is the quality I bring into being a celebrant with me. And what an honor it is.
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CELEBRATION OF LIFE OR DENIAL OF DEATH? By Linda Stuart People are often surprised when they learn of my love-hate relationship with the term “Celebration of Life.” "But you're a Celebrant!" they say. "Doesn't that mean you like to celebrate?" Well, yes...and no. It depends. Let’s take a look at Google’s definition of the word:
Call me a killjoy, but I’m not a huge fan of the “happy funeral” trend. I’m also concerned that the term “Celebration of Life” puts unnecessary
pressure on a family to “make it fun.” I hear it all the time: “We don’t want people to feel sad.” But sad is what we are supposed to feel when someone we 30 Celebrancy Today Winter 2017-2018
care about dies. To deny ourselves that safe space to feel sadness is to deny and diminish the value and purpose that funerals offer us as human beings.
been suffering in silence, but also that he actually thought something was wrong with him because he felt sad. The relief on his face was visible when I suggested that there was nothing wrong and everything right with how he was feeling. His mother, with whom he was extremely close, had died. Of course he’s been sad.
When a “Celebration of Life” is rooted in relevant and meaningful ceremony, I'm all in. But when a “Celebration of Life” is essentially a party that downplays the reality that someone has died, I question the benefit of that experience in the context of grief.
Sadness is not a disease we need to cure. It’s a feeling we need to feel. There is, of course, a difference between the normal experience of sadness that accompanies grief and a diagnosis of depression, and natural grief can sometimes turn into something more serious if you find you can’t shake your dark thoughts. In either case—whether you are experiencing situational grief or chronic depression— talking to a professional may help you navigate your unfamiliar feelings.
You may want a party. But you may need a funeral. And when it comes to funerals, there are no rules. A good, authentic funeral can be modern or traditional, uplifting or solemn, casual or formal. It can have elements of lightness and laughter. But the primary goal should not be to put the “fun” in funeral. The purpose should not be solely to make people feel happy.
But my darkest moments have provided me with my greatest opportunities for growth and reflection. They have taught me empathy and compassion. And, while they are moments I sometimes find difficult to reflect upon, I am grateful that I lived through them. They have strengthened and stretched me, and illuminated what is really important.
Our society’s cultural obsession with the pursuit of happiness has rendered many people unwilling or incapable of dealing with painful life experiences, especially death. But happiness is only one of many emotional states. To embrace the human experience means embracing the full spectrum of human emotions—even the ones that don’t bring us pleasure.
For me, the feeling of contentment and aliveness is most prevalent during moments of deep connection with other human beings. Perhaps this is why I am so passionate about ceremonies—even (and especially) funeral ceremonies. Because good funerals provide a safe space for all emotions to be
Recently, my husband opened up about the grief he has been suppressing since the death of his mother last year. “I don't know what’s wrong with me,” he confessed. “I just feel so sad.” It upset me deeply to learn that he had
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acknowledged and expressed. Good funeral ceremonies not only help people begin to accept the death of someone they love, but also foster connection through a transformational shared experience remembered by all in attendance.
“The wound is the place where the light enters you.” So go to a funeral and celebrate a life. But don’t forget to also mourn a death. That’s how the light gets in.
Maybe the key to happiness is not in merely being happy but rather in feeling whole. As the poet Rumi said,
Linda Stuart is a Life-Cycle Celebrant, Speaker and Writer who creates and performs one-of-a-kind ceremonies for life’s milestone occasions. She frequently speaks to funeral professionals about the importance of personalized memorials, particularly for families who have lost children. In 2014 she spearheaded the formation of the Toronto Death Café, a space where people gather to discuss death in order to better understand how to make the most of their finite lives. She also serves as chair of The Unforgettable Fund Toronto Chapter, an organization providing financial assistance for the costs of a dignified funeral to families caring for dying children .
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Passionate about Funerals
By Adam Phillips, Life-Cycle Celebrant
As a Life-Cycle Celebrant, I get special
music, it can be meaningful to hear it played
satisfaction from performing funerals and
or sung; a single unaccompanied voice or
memorial services. Those ceremonies allow
musical instrument can be powerfully
loved ones and the community to note and
effective.
appreciate the fullness of an entire life, and
In my experience, the heart of the
to reflect in a safe, yet focused way on what
ceremony is usually the words and emotions
that life meant, and to say farewell. I am
of the people who knew and cared about the
touched when grieving family members tell
deceased, and in as many of the roles as that
me “it is as if you knew him,” or “you helped
person played in life. For example, for a man
us say goodbye.”
who was a doctor it might be touching to
Many modes or themes can be effective
hear about his professional competence and
in a funeral or memorial service, from
healing warmth from a patient, or fellow
eulogies, to music and song, poetry,
practitioner. Perhaps he was active in the
scripture, inspirational readings, even dance.
local pet shelter, or fought for some social
For a well-rounded effect, it is helpful to use
cause that demonstrated his character or
as many senses as possible in a ceremony. I
values, and what he was passionate about.
often use candles. I often perform services
Maybe he was a father as well as a husband
where the deceased was an artist. In these
and friend. Each role will carry its own
cases, it can be moving to have examples of
nuance and meaning. And while no life can
their work for the assembly to experience, or
be summed up entirely. the more facets of a
to have work that the deceased loved made
person we are privy to, their essence can be
visible. If he or she loved a particular piece of
humbly approached, understood,
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appreciated and honored by those that
also give the bereaved the opportunity to
gather to mourn.
communicate their thoughts and emotions at
So it behooves those who knew the
a critical and painful time, and to put them in
deceased best to give the Celebrant the
perspective through another’s witnessing.
names of people to interview in a structured
That’s one place where the “ministerial” side
and empathetic way. What did that person
of a celebrant’s job comes in.
love? What would make him smile? Is there
For religious clients, sacred scriptures
one thing you could always count on him or
may provide comfort. Readings can be read
her for? What could people count on him
by friends or family members during the
never to do? What are three words or
service. That gives a personal touch, and
qualities that come to mind when you think
honors their connection. It can also be a way
of this person? What would he or she be
for someone to contribute to the service
wish to be remembered for?
when, out of modesty or emotional “overwhelm,” he or she doesn’t wish to speak about themselves personally. Many people describe themselves as “spiritual, but not religious,” or “nonreligious.” Ideally, in every sensitively thought-through ceremony, all concerned find some clear and authentic expression for their feelings. A limitless wealth of music, song, poetry, scripture and other inspirational literature from around the world is available to draw upon. Often, unique ceremonial elements can be tactfully
On one level, these talks are so the
introduced. For example, in outdoor
Celebrant can say something true from his
ceremonies, a stone can be placed on the
own heart during the service, as he
grave, or some special bauble or written
synthesizes and expresses the perspectives
phrase can be cast into a body of water or
the conversations have elicited. These talks
the coffin as a farewell prayer or wish.
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In my experience, it also helps to take a
Speaking of balance: while it is the
breather and reflect without words. This
modern convention to frame funerals and
pause can be with or without music or other
memorial services as “celebrations of life,” in
man-made sound. Measured silence can
my experience, funeral attendees also often
indeed be “golden.”
find it viscerally satisfying to directly
Whatever the culture, style,
acknowledge the harsh sting of personal loss
temperament, beliefs or wishes of the
and the blunt truth of death during the
bereaved, the constant in any Celebrant’s job
service, even briefly. Doing so can serve as
is to set forth the context of the gathering, to
the gateway for personal reflection,
bind those assembled into a community, to
gratitude, and ultimately, a nuanced and full-
hold the space safe and sacred, and to offer
bodied affirmation and celebration of the
respectful, compassionate and authoritative
entirety of who the deceased was. The whole
guidance.
assembly can then begin to “move on”
End-of-life ceremonies are usually
together.
solemn, but there is also an important place
That “moving on” often takes the form of
for humor - the telling anecdote, the
symbolic words and actions. For example, if
touching memory, the little joke that
time permits, I often invite people at my
illuminates a theme, or embodies the
services to come up to light a candle on the
deceased, that “could only be him or her.”
altar or “nature table” at the front of the
Laughter also releases tension and balances
room and briefly express, either aloud or
things out.
inwardly, some quality, memory or lesson they are grateful for from the deceased, or
to offer some word, thought or prayer
As more people do so, the light on the altar
that can serve as a leave-taking. This
itself grows, and bears poignant testimony to
moment can inspire people to ask “what was
the life that was lived, the life that has
made possible for me as an individual and
passed, and the eternal abiding mystery at
community because that person lived and
the heart of our human journey
was among us?” If the proper groundwork
www.PhillipsCeremonies,Com New York
has been laid, most participants will take the
City 917-670-9293
opportunity to come up and light a candle.
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LAS CEREMONIAS SIMBÓLICAS EN MÉXICO Mi experiencia como Celebrante en México De Angelina Pérez del Hierro México es un país altamente religioso, el pueblo mexicano es y ha sido siempre orgullosamente Guadalupano, hijo de la Virgencita de Guadalupe. Ya sea en las altas esferas de la sociedad, donde inclusive se presume, como desde hace siglos, de cuántos miembros de la familia son sacerdotes o monjas, o qué tan caritativa es la señora, o si viene el padrecito a comer a la casa, o bien en los estratos más bajos de nuestra sociedad, donde especialmente las mujeres conservan tradiciones ancestrales de nuestro mestizaje con este ánimo religioso que dá sentido a la vida y también a la muerte. El “qué dirán” juega una parte muy importante en seguir apegado a la religión, pues ¿qué dirá la comadre si mi hija no se casa de blanco y por la iglesia? Sin embargo, en mi experiencia he observado que muchos de los nacidos a partir de la década de los cincuentas, hombres y mujeres criados católicos e inclusive educados en escuelas católicas, no resonaron tanto con la enseñanza recibida de sus padres, y por lo mismo, ya no educaron a sus hijos dentro de su religión, de manera que sus hijos, los jóvenes de hoy, los famosos “millennials” simplemente no se identifican con la religión de sus abuelos. En más de una ocasión los futuros novios me dicen que contratarán mis servicios “si logran convencer a la familia de que no sea una boda religiosa.” Son estos jóvenes los que buscan -si es que deciden formalizar su unión- ceremonias simbólicas, o sea, la Boda Espiritual. La principal razón por la que no quieren una boda religiosa es porque no les dice nada significativo, y también porque las bodas católicas son todas iguales, y buscan algo original y diferente.
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Existen otros dos grupos que buscan una boda con un Celebrante; personas divorciadas, y parejas del mismo sexo ya que en ningún caso encuentran espacio dentro de la Iglesia Católica. La Ciudad de México, por cierto, es de los pocos lugares en México donde se legalizó el matrimonio entre personas del mismo sexo desde hace varios años, por lo que parejas de todo el país vienen a casarse. La boda civil es algo importante para aquellas parejas que quieren legalizar su relación. Ésta solamente puede realizarla un Juez de Paz, y para ello hay que ser un abogado titulado, y tener además ese título que otorga el gobierno a un número limitado de candidatos. Este reconocimiento legal consiste en un mero trámite, donde firman los interesados, sus padres y los testigos. Algunos jueces acostumbran dar un largo sermón por lo general lleno de consejos para los nuevos esposos, pero no están capacitados para crear una bonita ceremonia. Y la verdad es que toda mujer, aun no siendo su primer matrimonio, desea lucir su vestido y ser la reina por ese día, teniendo una ceremonia significativa, emotiva y personal, que hable de ella y su amado, de su historia, de sus creencias, etc. Las parejas en México no acostumbran el “Elopement”, pues simplemente se van a vivir juntas, aunque hace unos años, se decía que “se robaban a la novia” y simplemente se iban a vivir juntos. En muchos casos, tiempo después se casan por la iglesia.
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Con todo esto se comprenderá que no es todavía muy común tener una boda con un Celebrante. Por otro lado, la figura como tal de Celebrante es totalmente desconocida, tanto así, que al solicitar anunciarme en las principales páginas de bodas, mi anuncio aparece entre más de 400 Wedding Planners u Organizadores de Bodas que hay en la Ciudad de México, pues no hay un rubro para mi trabajo; así que encontrarme es pura suerte. ¡Además es difícil saber si alguien que quiere una Boda Simbólica debe buscar un Celebrante, Oficiante, Ministro o Maestro de Ceremonias! Así que comencé a trabajar ofreciendo mis servicios gratuitamente a amigos y familiares, para ir tomando práctica y dándome a conocer. También decidí contactar a algunos Wedding Planners, para informarles de mi propuesta, por si en algún momento les solicitaban a una Celebrante para una Boda Espiritual, como también se conocen. Cerraré éste mi tercer año como Celebrante, con un total de 49 ceremonias realizadas, que incluyen dos Bienvenidas al Mundo, una Quinceañera, y algunos Aniversarios. He tenido mucha suerte, pues además de contar con la excelente preparación que recibí del Celebrant Foundation & Institute, lo que me permite una actuación profesional, he sido recomendada por las personas que me han contratado o que han estado presentes en alguna de mis ceremonias. Además he tenido oportunidad de celebrar bodas en inglés y español para varias parejas compuestas por un mexicano o mexicana y su pareja extranjero. Amo mi trabajo, que me permite conocer gente joven en su mayoría, enamorada e interesante y ser parte de su día especial. Espero que esta forma de celebrar un matrimonio siga creciendo, pues me parece algo muy auténtico, y que deja una sonrisa, y a veces una lágrima en todos los que la experimentan. ~Angelina Pérez del Hierro
Angelina nació y creció en la Ciudad de México, hoy tiene una familia que disfruta y además de su profesión como Psicoterapeuta incurrió en la Celebrancia hace poco más de tres años. Ha abierto poco a poco el camino a esta nueva forma de unión “Espiritual” que son las Bodas Simbólicas. - Angelina Celebrant www.angelinacelebrant.com
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ceremonias serán sobre todo sin denominación religiosa, en mi caso, he tenido la oportunidad de oficiar bodas civiles en las que la religión es incluida. Claro esta, manteniendo respeto y sin cruzar barreras.
Celebrant
Troubadour
Cuando se me pide ayudar con una ceremonia bilingüe, no suelo traducir palabra por palabra, mas bien, escribo en un estilo que fluya. Por ejemplo: sugiero que la pareja intercambie sus anillos en el idioma en que se comunican ellos. Agrego palabras cariñosas, tales como: “Señorita”, “Que Dios los bendiga”, “Y que lleguen a viejitos tomados de la mano.” Siempre les ofrezco declararlos en su idioma natal cual sea que fuera. Se ponen felices! Y para mí, es muy divertido aprender Creole, Frances, Italiano, Slovako!
Tengo el privilegio de escribir unas palabras que ojalá podrían ser útiles para mis compañeros Celebrants. Deseo sinceramente que lo que comparta les pueda servir así como traerles una sonrisa al corazón. Por favor no duden en comunicarse! No estamos solos
El día de la ceremonia Mi día empieza con una meditación en la que la meta es soltar tensiones y pensamientos, buscando un silencio interno y paz interior. Una vez que me
Acerca de la ceremonia Hay tres datos que considero claves para una ceremonia de matrimonio: El tono que la pareja desea, los colores y si desean una ceremonia religiosa y/o espiritual. El tono es para las palabras que vaya a decir y como decirlas, los colores para asegurarme que la ropa que me ponga vaya con sus colores y los elementos religiosos/espirituales por si puedo ayudar con lecturas y tradiciones especiales. Habiendo crecido en un ambiente católico, para mi es natural incluir lo religioso, ya sea Católico, Judío o cualquier otra religión que pida un momento sagrado. Aunque como Celebrants, nos dicen que nuestras
encuentro con ese silencio, incluyo un rezo u oración en la que visualizo a la 40 Celebrancy Today Winter 2017-2018
pareja que voy a casar, deseándoles bienestar. Me pido entregar lo mejor de mí.
ojos un instante y acercarme a mi respiración. Miro la naturaleza, siento mis pies sobre la tierra, y me olvido de mi ego, y de cómo me veo o no me veo, lo que las personas puedan pensar o no de mí. Me recuerdo: “Tu estas aquí para ellos.” Entregándome al momento es lo más importante para mí. Una vez que la música comienza, escucho, siento mi mirada, acompaño al novio, mientras espera, ofreciéndole fuerza en el silencio, compañía. Mientras la novia camina, le sonrió, y luego …estamos listos todos para continuar.
Dos horas antes de la ceremonia, me alisto, tomo un poquito de café y salgo con suficiente tiempo para llegar 30 minutos antes de la ceremonia. Mientras manejo, intento soltar tenciones físicas, escucho música relajadora. Cuando llego al local, me tomo unos cinco minutos en el baño para estar quieta y relajarme un poquito más, luego me aseguro de estar bien arreglada y empiezo a caminar suavemente, para saludar a la coordinadora, novia, DJ, fotógrafo y les entrego una hoja con los detalles de la ceremonia y mi tarjeta.
Me esmero en que cada palabra que diga tenga una intención, un sentimiento, un significado. No estoy leyendo un menú, estoy leyendo palabras que abrazan el amor, y con cada pregunta, cada coma, cada
Luego tomo asiento: Otra oportunidad para relajarme, cerrar los
exclamación, hay un sentimiento. Ese sentimiento es sentido por la pareja, los invitados, el fotógrafo, todos. Todos estamos juntos en esto, gracias a la entrega de amor y a la alegría de poder oficiar con cariño. La bienvenida comienza con una invitación a relajarse para poder vivir bien ese momento. Una invitación a todos a sentir sus pies sobre la tierra, la cabeza hacia el cielo, a silenciar la mente y a abrir nuestros corazones. A respirar. Esto lo hago con ellos, así ayudo a la pareja a relajarse y conectarse con el presente, un presente para el cual han estado esperando. Ayudarlos a atesorar ese momento es un honor y algo que agradezco de corazón.
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Biografía: Maria Pereyra nació en Lima Perú. Es 1 de 11 hermanos. Su madre fue ama de casa hasta la tercera edad cuando cuido a niños en una guardería infantil, algo que le gustaba mucho. Su padre fue un ingeniero civil y consultor y escribió dos novelas al retirarse. Maria estudio primaria y secundaria en The American School of Lima. Se mudó a Florida en 1984 para sus estudios universitarios en Valencia Community College y saco su bachiller en Comunicaciones de la University of Central Florida. Trabajo en mercadeo, publicidad, fue cuidadora de su padre hasta su último aliento, y encontró su camino como Life Cycle Celebrant y Ministra en el 2014. Es miembro y
secretaria del Gurdjieff Foundation of Miami. Maria es conocida por oficiar ceremonias de matrimonio que tocan el corazón de todos e incluyen un tono suave y espiritual. Es bicultural y bilingüe en Español y le encanta ser Celebrant! Vive en el sur de la Florida con su Príncipe Chileno y tres gatos. Espera poder tener su propia boda en un futuro cercano. Email: mmpereyra@gmail.com Website: www.siweddingceremonies.com Telephone: 954 501 7874
Ceremonies Across the Life-Cycle Prerequisite: Fundamentals of Celebrancy Ceremonies Included: Ceremonies for Expectant Parents, Baby Namings & Welcomings, Coming of Age, Milestone Birthdays, Graduations, Ceremonies for Homes, Personal Ritual, Men's and Women's Midlife Passages, Seasonal Ceremonies, Career Change, Retirement
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Celebrant Foundation and Institute Mission The Celebrant Foundation & Institute's mission is to pioneer the widespread use of relevant, customized ceremony to honor the fullness of the human experience across the lifecycle. Celebrants - the new tradition for modern and meaningful ceremonies! Vision The Celebrant Foundation & Institute (CF&I) seeks to increase opportunities to affirm and celebrate milestones and transitions for all people through the training, certification, and ongoing support of professional Life-cycle Celebrants and by providing public education, outreach, and advocacy.
Dedication The CF&I is dedicated to teaching the principles, history, and practice of Celebrancy in a rigorous seven-month program which educates and certifies Life-Cycle Celebrants in the art of ritual, ceremony, world and faith traditions, ceremonial writing, and public speaking and presentation. Celebrants are ceremonial facilitators and ritual creators, trained to officiate and guide individuals, couples, and families through key life events. The CF&I is a non-profit educational institution. Our Celebrants will guide you and assist you in paying homage to your life's achievements, your wonderful times, and the meaningful relationships of your life, as well as to the most difficult passages you have endured. Our Web site is designed to help you learn more about us and the ceremonies we offer. It will furnish you with materials and resources, answer questions, and help you with your choice of ceremony and Celebrant. And, if you're interested and so inspired, we invite you to join us, and become a Life-Cycle Celebrant in your community. There are thousands of Celebrants throughout the world, of all ages and from all walks of life, who have embraced this most personally fulfilling vocation. The Celebrant Foundation and Institute movement begins here at our headquarters in New Jersey. Learn more about becoming a Certified Celebrant by calling us at: (973) 746-1792
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SOCIAL LINKS https://www.facebook.com/CelebrantInst https://twitter.com/celebrantinst https://plus.google.com/+CelebrantFoundationandInstitute https://www.pinterest.com/celebrantfounda/
Celebrant Foundation & Institute Montclair, NJ Phone. 973.746.1792
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