NEGOTIATING AND NETWORKING STRATEGIES TO FIND YOUR VOICE AND BE SEEN

ARTICLE BY CHERYL ALEXANDER

Negotiating and Networking

STRATEGIES TO FIND YOUR VOICE AND BE SEEN

Career success is increasingly defined not just by how many hours you spend at your computer, but also your ability to advocate for yourself and to connect to others. Respectfully pushing back, incorporating outside perspectives, and navigating groups are essential skills in today’s ultra-connected society. It’s up to you to connect the dots between self-worth, ideas, businesses, and people. If your goal is to have a seat at the table where your ideas can be heard, it’s not enough to simply be successful and sociable. Instead, you must be deliberate in your efforts to advocate for yourself and grow your sphere of influence.

NEGOTIATING

Thankfully, more and more women are speaking up at work—for equal opportunities, equal compensation and a workplace free of harassment—as it should be. However, while women are boldly asking for what their teams and colleagues need, many are still reluctant to negotiate for themselves. Some critical strategies can help: • Be prepared. If you are caught off guard by an unexpected conversation, whether it’s about a new role in the company or an unexpected demotion, buy yourself some time to regroup so you’ll be able to approach the discussion knowing what you want and how you’ll ask for it. It takes time to make sure the right issues are on the table. Highlight your uniqueness and be ready to clearly communicate the value you contribute. And avoid talking only about salary, as this single-issue discussion can damage the relationship. Visualize or practice by

role playing the negotiation in advance to further entrench your skills and readiness for the conversation, increasing your chances of success. • Cultivating positive emotions. A positive outlook helps foster effective negotiation because it heightens our willingness to seek mutually beneficial solutions and improves our ability to engage in creative thinking. Research shows that people in good moods tend to collaborate rather than compete. Prior to a negotiation, engage in positive priming (thinking about something positive or engaging in a joyful activity) to increase positive emotions. The result will be greater creativity, openness, and willingness to collaborate—all essential elements of successful negotiation. • Think beyond yourself. Always frame your offering in terms of what the other side needs. Like it or not, women can suffer in negotiations because focusing on their own needs causes others to view them as bossy and aggressive. To overcome this, frame a negotiation as though you are negotiating on behalf of a group or another person. Research says that women who adopt an “I-we” strategy, in which they show concern for the other person’s perspective, can minimize the social cost of negotiation. A collaborative or communal mindset—enhanced by preparation and a positive mood—can help you find an I-we strategy that is good not just for you, but also for the company or for some larger cause that you and the other party both believe in. Consider the interests of the other party and suggest integrative solutions. • Increase emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence involves an awareness of your own emotions and the emotions of others, which will boost your confidence in negotiating. This awareness results from deliberately pausing to take a deep breath or two. It lowers the intensity of emotions and reduces reactivity by providing a moment in which to consider how best to respond. This emotional control helps you negotiate more successfully and gives you greater self-assurance, especially in difficult situations. Emotional intelligence can be developed through mindfulness—paying attention to the present moment—and mindfulness can be cultivated through meditation. Focusing your attention on something like your breath, and bringing it back each time your mind wanders, even for a few minutes a day, builds your ability to stay focused.

NETWORKING

Along with the skills required for effective negotiation, the ability to network strategically stands out as another important and valuable component for success in business. Surprisingly, though, among women, networking is either badly or underutilized. How so? Well, many women network too much just for the sake of “getting themselves out there” and end up spending valuable time and resources with people or groups who are not essential to their short- and long-term goals. Every call you make and every event you attend should be with a goal in mind. If something doesn’t align with your success goals, then learn to say no.

Studies also show that when women do network, they tend to do so mostly with other women rather than men, which can be a real setback—even a revenue trap. Here’s why: If you’re relying on mostly female networking groups, you aren’t reaching all demographics. Since men typically hold more senior-level positions, this means women are less likely to get access to people who can open doors for them.

Keep in mind, we aren’t just talking about opening

doors; we’re talking wallets, too. By attending only women’s networking groups, you are potentially cutting off half your potential customers: men. Mixed networking groups provide you a low-cost, low-risk opportunity to discover what marketing messages work with a male market or whether you even need a separate marketing message.

How effective your product/service pitch is with both men and women informs you of the value of your offering. When you can nail it in both groups, you can’t go wrong, and you’ll enjoy the exponential results of opening avenues of untapped revenue, an improvement to your marketing messages, and you’ll have men as advocates for your company.

Once you’ve assessed your current networking habits, begin to refine your approach. Though it can be tedious and awkward, according to LinkedIn, 85 percent of jobs are filled through networking. Networking isn’t just about finding a new or different job. Face-to-face interactions within your current company are important to the trajectory of your career. In fact, a recent Women in the Workplace report revealed that women get less access to senior leaders than men do. Yet employees who interact regularly with senior leaders are more likely to ask for and receive promotions, stay at their companies, and aspire to be leaders.

TIPS FOR EFFECTIVE NETWORKING:

• Make networking smart. Define your career/business goals and only attend or spend time on the phone with those people or groups who can move you toward those goals. Then make your goal-defined networking a priority. Strategic networking also requires you to get clear and intentional about your goals before each event, so, (1) have an agenda; (2) know why you’re attending, to whom you may want to talk (and why), and what you’re going to talk about; and (3) formulate a plan. • Share the wealth. Prioritizing networking and paying it forward to the connections you’ve made can make all the difference in the long-term. For example, never ignore a request from a previous employee, no matter how long it’s been since you worked together. This can open doors to new relationships and career opportunities for yourself and others. Consider mentoring. Mentoring can be both formal and informal (through networking) when you are passionate about sharing what you’ve learned. • Turn negatives into opportunities. Intentional networking also requires you to see the opportunity in what you may deem a negative situation. Be prepared to get a little uncomfortable. Don’t go to events to hang out with folks from your own company. Instead, make it a point to mingle with as many new people as possible. Most of us hate the small talk and avoid it. Instead, use small talk as an icebreaker, then quickly focus on what you can learn from the person to whom you are speaking. By approaching each interaction as a learning opportunity, you may discover a business tool that could bring greater efficiency to your workplace or knowledge of a new technology that could benefit your industry. Then, after any event, try to follow up within 24 hours. Whether it’s a phone call, an email, or a social media connection, postevent outreach is a great way to keep the relationship open for years to come.

Done right, negotiating and networking allow women to identify role models, find or become mentors and sponsors, and expand their business opportunities. As they rise in their careers, they can also pay it forward by helping others coming up behind them. 

AN ETERNAL EVOLVING EQUATION

Achieving work/life balance

Female entrepreneurs and women in the workplace impact the world in far-reaching ways. Many, too, are caring for our families or loved ones. Women constantly juggle personal and professional commitments and responsibilities, which makes finding balance difficult.

Despite evidence that proves working long hours can be harmful to both employees and employers, many women professionals still struggle to overcome assumptions and acutely ingrained habits that they must work harder, produce more, put in more hours than their male counterparts and maintain their obligations outside of work.

The Harvard Business Review recently conducted a study in which participants described their jobs as highly demanding, exhausting, and chaotic, and they seemed to take for granted that working long hours was necessary for their professional success. The research showed that achieving better work/ life balance boils down to increased self-awareness and intentional role redefinition. And importantly, the study also suggests that this is not a one-time

AN ETERNAL EVOLVING EQUATION

fix, but rather a cycle that must be continuously engaged in and updated as circumstances and priorities evolve.

What does it take to free yourself from these unhealthy patterns and reach a more sustainable, rewarding work/life balance? Here are some tips: 1. Pause. Then proceed. Stop and ask yourself, “What is currently causing stress, creating unbalance, or dissatisfaction? How are these issues affecting my job and my personal life? What am I prioritizing/sacrificing/losing?” After you take a mental pause and acknowledge these factors, you can begin to tackle them. When you start to feel like you’re not doing enough, remind yourself that everyone faces challenges, and no one is perfect. Keep a collection of motivational quotes and compile a list of your favorites that include plenty of humor. Then, the next time you begin to self-doubt, chase those gremlins with a good old deep breath, a hearty laugh, and phrases that will uplift you.

2. Pay attention…

• To your emotions. After you’ve paused and assessed, examine the feelings you have around the situation. Do you feel energized, fulfilled, satisfied? Or do you feel angry, resentful, sad? As important as a rational understanding of the decisions and priorities driving your life is the capacity to recognize how you are emotionally affected, which is essential in determining the changes you want to make in your work and in your life.

• To your calendar. Many successful professionals say it’s easier to create personal balance when you can see the whole picture. A desk calendar helps because then you can track everything, whether it’s a business meeting or a birthday. Get yourself one that fits your personality, color-code it, and use it to update your phone. Most importantly, block out one weekend every month for doing nothing except recharging. • To the seasons. You already know your company’s and your home’s busiest seasons. For example, just before the holidays, things might get hectic at work and that coincides with school breaks. Notice seasonal changes that might undo your best laid plans for organization and be ready for when your personal and professional lives collide. Be prepared to delegate. 3. Share the load. Work/life balance demands delegation. Plus, it’s good for everyone. Delegation streamlines everyone’s schedule, makes a positive difference for customers, and helps everyone get back to their families or other obligations sooner. As well, delegate at home. Remember that you routinely delegate assignments at the office and in the field. Apply that same professional talent to organizing your family. Build a strong home team by showing them how they can pitch in. 4. Reprioritize. Increasing cognitive and emotional awareness puts things into perspective and allows you to adjust priorities. What are you willing to sacrifice, and for how long? If you have been prioritizing work over family, for example,

Take real time outs. Relax once you’re home.

why do you feel that it is important to prioritize in this way? Is it necessary? What regrets do you already have, and what will you regret if you continue the current path? 5. Consider your alternatives. Before jumping into solutions, consider different ways you can better align with your priorities. Are there components of your job that you would like to see changed? How much time would you like to spend with your family or on hobbies? Here are some ideas to start: • Network with purpose. Track your attendance of luncheons, conferences, and awards ceremonies, then add up the time you spend. Think about your long-term personal and professional goals. If an event does not serve your professional or personal long-term goals, then forego it. Learn to say no. Doing this will allow you to attend events that are important without losing time in your personal life. • Work out at the office. You know that physical activity reduces stress and improves health, yet it can be a challenge to make it to the gym or yoga studio. Why not work out in your office? Do some chair yoga or take 10 minutes to walk up and down the stairs in your building. • Take real time outs. Relax once you’re home. As aforementioned, delegate household chores and keep things flexible. Maybe cook four nights a week, then serve leftovers or let the kids order pizza. Schedule a date night, an evening with friends, or take some time for self-care. 6. Implement changes. Once you’ve defined priorities and considered options for improvement, act. This can mean a “public” change—something that explicitly alters your colleagues’, customers’, or employer’s expectations, such as taking on a new role that’s less time-demanding or allowing for a shorter work week—or a “private” change, where you unceremoniously modify your work patterns without necessarily trying to change the expectations of others. Both types can be effective if they’re sustainable. 7. Quit trying so hard. Finally, realize that trying to harmonize your personal and professional life isn’t supposed to be a full-time job. Allow that one bad day doesn’t define you; give yourself permission to be perfectly imperfect; and internalize that finding work/life balance is easier when you stop worrying. It really is okay to relax and stop trying so hard.

Work-life balance is a cycle, not an achievement. Notably, the steps above are not a one-time activity, but rather an eternal and ever-evolving cycle of continuous re-evaluation and improvement. For many professionals, it can seem impossible to find that sweet spot between work and home. Remember that you’re likely already doing your best, and that’s always enough. 