Camping With Millennials...........Keagan O’Riley

Camping with Millennials

Keagan O’Riley

EXT. CAMPING GROUND – DAY A group of young adults walk in carrying gear. The camping ground is empty except for two un-made tents that lie in the background and a single picnic table off to the one side. MR. JENKINS, the coordinator in charge of the business retreat, who was already at the scene, ambles over to the new arrivals with a clipboard in hand. MR. JENKINS Oh, good. I see everyone made it. Now we just need everyone to sign in and we can get things rolling. KATHRINE, takes the clipboard from him while the others begin to set their bags down, still breathing heavily from the walk. KATHRINE (Frowning at paper) Um, Mr. Jenkins? MR. JENKINS Yes, Kathrine? KATHRINE This isn’t the sign-up sheet. This is your wife’s birthday wish list.

117

WILLIAM, still carrying several bags on his person, leans over to look at the clipboard. Mr. Jenkins snatches the clipboard from Kathrine before William can read it.

MR. JENKINS (In a quick, nervous voice) Never mind checking in. Just unpack your things and get tents up. Mr. Jenkins rushes out, exiting scene. JACK, THEODORE and KATHRYN move to set up their tents while William and Kathrine stare after Mr. Jenkins.

WILLIAM What’s wrong with him? KATHRINE (Smiling mischievously) Let’s just say his wife is FREAKY. (Pauses. Glances back at William) Wait. Who the hell are you? You don’t work with us. WILLIAM Try telling my sister that. SAMANTHA, a millennial who can’t detach from technology, walks up to William and Kathrine, eyes glued to phone.

118

Inscape 2021

SAMANTHA Willy, where’s my portable battery pack? My phone is about to die. WILLIAM I sent it to hell along with my social life, Samantha. SAMANTHA Oh, quit being such a whiny bitch. You’ll have another guy’s night some other weekend. KATHRINE Wait… Do you two know each other?

SAMANTHA Oh, this is William. He’s my twin brother. (Turning to William) Now where’s my battery pack, loser?

WILLIAM It was in the green bag, right? Samantha nods, still looking at phone. William sets down all the bags except for the green one. WILLIAM Here. Go fetch. William chucks the bag as hard as he can into the distance. Kathrine’s eyes widen in shock and Samantha gasps loudly.

119

SAMANTHA Oh my god, William! That had all of my makeup in it too! WILLIAM I’m sure you can survive one night without putting your fake face on. Or you could go wrestle the rabbits for your lipstick. It’s really up to you. Suddenly a loud crashing noise draws everyone’s attention to the background where Jack and Theodore were trying to put up a tent unsuccessfully. Somehow they’ve gotten tangled in one of them. KATHRYN, the usually quiet and shy girl with glasses, glances up from her perfectly erected tent. KATHRYN Are you sure you guys don’t need help?

JACK (Agressively) No, Kathryn with a Y. We got this under control. No need for you to interfere, right Theo? Jack bends down to pick up a tent rod and picks up a stick instead.

THEODORE Um, Jack. That’s not even part of the tent. That’s a stick. JACK I knew that. I was just… admiring

120

Inscape 2021

the wildlife. Jack tosses the stick aside, acting as if nothing happened. Samantha gasps loudly, looking down at her phone. She taps the screen vigorously. SAMANTHA No! My phone died! She starts to hyperventilate while everyone watches. William crosses his arms and stares at Samantha with a bored expression. SAMANTHA (Pacing beside William and Kathrine) Nonononono. This can’t be happening. My phone can’t be dead. How am I supposed to live? (Angrily) This is all your fault William! If you hadn’t thrown my battery pack away my phone would still be alive!

KATHRINE Um, is your sister okay? WILLIAM She gets like this whenever she’s cut off from technology for more than five minutes. She’ll be fine. SAMANTHA (Collapses to knees) Please William, please help me. I’ll

121

do anything. Just bring my phone back. Please! The real world is so boring and REAL. KATHRINE (While Samantha is sobbing) Seriously, should we take her to the hospital or something? WILLIAM I’ve been asking my mother that same question for 20 years. SAMANTHA (Now lying on the ground) Oh my dear phone, life is meaningless without you. I have no will to live anymore. I’ll join you in the endless abyss of darkness. Mr. Jenkins renters the scene and walks up to where Kathrine and William stand. They watch as Samantha lies lifelessly on the ground. MR. JENKINS Kathryn! What the hell is going on here?

KATHRINE Well, you see, sir— MR. JENKINS Not you Katherine. The other Kathryn.

122

Inscape 2021

Kathryn, Jack and Theodore look up from their ruined tent.

MR. JENKINS I’m not paying you to mess around, Kathryn. KATHRYN (In a flat, monotone voice) You’re not paying me at all, sir. I’m just an intern. MR. JENKINS (Flustered) W-well I’m paying you in experience. Now get that tent up. (Turning to Samantha’s scene) Now what is going on here? WILLIAM An existential crisis. SAMANTHA A psychological break. WILLIAM Basically, my sister is nuts and technologically deprived. SAMANTHA It’s a whole thing. MR. JENKINS Oh. Well then…

123

(Clears throat) Team building activities start in ten minutes. You two deal with this mess. Mr. Jenkins leaves the scene again. William and Kathrine share a long glance. WILLIAM S’mores? KATHRINE

Sure. William and Kathrine walk away, leaving Samantha on the ground. Kathryn, Jack and Theodore walk over and stop beside Samantha. THEODORE Should we do something about her? KATHRYN I don’t get paid enough to deal with this shit. Kathryn walks away. Theodore and Jack stare after Kathryn for a moment, glance at Samantha, and then follow Kathryn from the stage.

FADE OUT

124

Inscape 2021