Plug'd In Magazine Issue #45

45

The Hard-Rock'n Bi-Weekly Magazine The kickass Local Edition

Inside This Issue: From The Vault: Chris Motionless of Motionless In White The Rant: Memoirs of a Band Whore The Year In Review: The Best Concerts of 2011 Artist Spotlight: Nick Necro of The Curse Of Sorrow Dear Dead Abby 8 Ways To Survive The 2012 Apocalypse

Vikki Sin chats with Curse Of Sorrow Front man Nick Necro www.plugdinmagazine.com

www.pocketacesskateshop.blogspot.com

www.1upcollectibles.com

From The Vault: Chris Motionless of Motionless In White Two things in particular excite me about metalcore heavyweights Motionless in White. 1.

They’re straight from my own backyard, and 2.

Vocalist/founder Chris “Motionless” Cerulli reminds me of a younger, growlier Marilyn Manson in just about every way. In fact, the Scranton, PA natives are poised to be the next harbingers of the apocalypse with their “I may be hurting but I will fucking kill you” lyric style, heavy Goth look, dominating stage presence, and merchandise rife with Satanic symbolism. Yet despite the eat-your-young image and parent scaring sound, this is a band with a lot of heart whose lyrics are inspiration to keep going for a lot of their fans, whom they’re heavily respectful of. Their first studio album ‘Creatures’ made an impressive mark on the charts, and the subsequent videos from the album showed that this group is clearly here to make an impact and you WILL listen. With all of these things, I was stoked to sit down with Chris after an intense set at the All Stars tour this past summer. Here he tells us about future recording plans and why being against organized religion makes for awesome band merch…V.S. PI: You guys just went form the east coast leg of Warped Tour to the All Stars tour. What are you doing after this?

Any plans?

CM: Soon as this tours over we’re going to Europe for our first time ever. That’s a month long and all different countries in Europe. Then we come back and we have a winter tour. can’t announce it yet, but yea. So, we’re going to be touring for the rest of the year.

PI: Do you still need a new bass player?

CM: I think we found our guy. (Sola) He played today. We tried him out a while ago and he sucked (laughs) but he’s really cool now.

PI: Tell us about the idea behind having fans’ lyrics included on ‘Creatures’.

CM: I just got super lazy and didn’t want to write another song. No, I’m just kidding. I just wanted to find a way to involve fans in our band directly rather than just wearing a t-shirt or fucking posting something online, you know? I just wanted to do something that would give them a bigger part. No gigantic explanation.

PI: You just came out with the video for that. Can we expect a string of videos like mini films?

CM: I wish. We’re doing another video for one more song off the record. We’re going to plan it to come out around Halloween time. That’s probably going to be the last one from the record. Doing a whole separate idea. I wish we could do mini films or some sort of film, straight up movie thing or whatever but we’re not that big of a band yet.

PI: It’s a little weird seeing 13 year old girls in Motionless in White shirts with the Baphomet on them. Is anyone in the band Satanists or is that just an image thing with you guys?

CM: None of us are Satanists, we’re all just kind of, I don’t want to give everyone a name of “atheists” right now, but we’re all anti “organized religion”, so I guess you could say that. I just don’t give a FUCK about religion or any of that kind of shit and because people use god to pay the bills, I’m just going to do something that’s going to say fuck you to that and get in their face and piss them off, so that’s why we do that stuff. I mean, I don’t know anything about Satanism or anything like that, but the imagery that we use is just to piss people off. I guess actually that might make me pro-Satanist.

PI: Actually yea, that’s basically what a Satanist is.

CM: Fuckin A, I’m a Satanist!

PI: Obviously, you were influenced by shock rock artists. Do you have any surprising influences maybe from growing up that people wouldn’t expect?

CM: I got into music through my dad and my uncle and my grandfather. My grandfather was always a country guy.

He’d always listen to Hank Williams and Johnny Cash and whatever, I guess if I would have to say anybody. My uncle and my dad were more the heavy metal route, so that wouldn’t be surprising, but I would say Johnny Cash for sure, and Elvis. Both artists I was introduced to by my grandfather that now I love and it’s just a big part of my life from when I was a kid.

PI: How long did you know that you wanted to do this for a living?

CM: Probably since like 8th or 9th grade. I was never really into music, I was always into video games, then it went to extreme sports, then just music kind of came in when I heard Metallica. That’s when I was like (gasps) I want to do that, you know?

PI: Are you going to be working on a new album soon then?

CM: Yea, we’re hoping to record early next year.

PI: Do you have any ideas behind it? Going to stay with the same sound?

CM: Yea, we’re just going to stay Motionless in White, but it’s kind of too early to have really definite ideas, just more so, we have a direction that we wanna go. That’s about it.

PI: You guys are big fans of The Office. You hoping to do a guest appearance on there?

CM: There’s actually a petition on Twitter that kids started to try to get us on The Office. I don’t think they care, but we would love to. How you go about it, I don’t know. I think the chances of The Office having a band of metal kids that wear makeup probably isn’t gonna happen. BUT, we will not stop trying.

PI: Where do you hope to see your band in 10 years?

CM: Celebrating the 10th year anniversary of you asking me these questions.

PI: Any crazy fan stories?

CM: Today a kid broke down a barrier to get to me. That was fun. He was trying to get my attention the whole time before the show, and because today was a kind of- we didn’t know when we were going to be going on because the cops were holding the show back, I didn’t want to go over and start a conversation with him and then our intro rolls, you know? So he was trying to get my attention like desperately and I was like “I can’t, I can’t” so when I went back over to sing with a band called A Ghost Inside, he saw me and just fucking pushed the barrier over and ran up to me and he’s like “Dude, can we hang out? What’s up, man?” and I was just like “Whoa, calm down!” That’s a crazy thing that happened today. Other than that, just typical fan stuff that happens.

PI: Do you have any guilty pleasure songs or artists that you like to listen to?

CM: If I listen to something, I don’t feel guilty about it. Whenever people ask me that question, I say Eminem. But if people knew why I liked Eminem, it wouldn’t be weird. It’s really understandable. He’s just really pissed off and he knows how to write lyrics very intelligently.

PI: Thanks for giving us a chance to get Plug’d In! CM: Thank you.

www.motionlessinwhite.net

www.explosm.net/comics

Zumba Classes Forming Now! www.itsalltherage.biz

Dear Dead Abby From The Grave

abby@plugdinmagazine.com Abby was born and raised in the coal regions of Northeastern Pennsylvania. The oldest of eight, she constantly had her younger brothers and sisters asking her questions about everything from how things work to why that boy threw dirt on her. She’d try to steer them straight with her advice, though sometimes she could be a bit sarcastic.

Abby also had an uncanny ability to see the truth in people, despite what they tried to portray with their lies. Unfortunately, this led the locals to believe that she was with surrounded with dark forces. The summer before her final year of school, Abby was sentenced to death by hanging, without a proper trial, simply stating that she was a witch. Abby can’t recognize the faces of her family through death, but she answers questions, thinking it might be one of her siblings needing her guidance.

Q. I really love my dad, but he tends to be really lame when it comes to sexual orientation. He acts like it's a bad thing for me to be gay and I don't agree…The worst part is, I don't know who I can talk to because my church is against homosexuality, and my friends who support gay rights would get the wrong idea about him because other than all that stuff I said, he really is an awesome dad. PLEASE HELP! H.P. A. There comes a time in your life where you need to decide how miserable you want to be. You will find that certain people tear you down to their level, and that just isn't what you need in your life. You will start to cut people out of your life that either don't mean anything to you, only call when they need something, etc. If you love your dad and he loves you, then there are things you're just going to have to accept. If he accepts your sexual orientation because it doesn't affect the person you are, then consider yourself lucky. There are many people out there who cannot accept it and disown their family members. Maybe he just doesn't know how to connect with you or what to say regarding it. Just show him that you still have common interests and can still do things together that have nothing to do with your orientation. If your friends are true friends to you, they will accept your father as he is because you love him as he is. They should understand the acceptance issue if they support gay rights. As far as your church, no church is going to accept it. It goes against what they believe, that marraige is reserved for one man and one woman. Yes, I know they say to accept all equally, but there's a lot of hypocrisy in churches. You're damned to hell. Get used to it.

Q. My best friend and I are in love with the same guy. It's tearing our friendship apart! We haven't talked to each other in DAYS! She stopped coming to my house every day and completely gives me the cold shoulder. Worst of all...our crush likes the both of us "equally". I really don't wanna lose my best friend to a boy but I also don't want to let this guy go because he's really special. Help? T.W. A. How old are you? Since you're referring to him as a "boy", I assume you're teenagers. If you're still in school, heed these words. You're both idiots. Here's a little secret: He doesn't like you both "equally”. You can do one of a few things. Use him like he's going to do to you.

Completely forget about him. Give him to your friend, and then reap the rewards of her crying about what an ass he was to her.

Q. When you have had quite a few destructive relationships, how do you go back to trusting people in your life? ANON A. You never completely will trust people again. There will always be a part in the back of your mind that wonders. You can give what you feel comfortable giving to another person, and eventually you might give all yourself again, but that doesn't mean you will ever completely trust another person. However, if you aren't willing to put yourself out there, willing to take that risk, then you won't find the person that you can trust. You can't go looking for someone either. "They"say it happens when you least expect it. It's the truth. Be careful with what you say and to whom you say it to. Actions speak louder than words. Trust is earned.

Q. I’m not buying the whole “I’m a dead girl who gives advice” thing. Prove you’re real or I’m calling fake. L.J. A. If you go outside on a windy day, and see the trees bending in the wind, and the leaves being blown all over the yard, you're not seeing the wind, but rather the effects of the wind. You're a dumbass.

Q. I still love my ex-bf, we've been broken up for a few years now. He says he feels the same but he "doesn't want to be in a relationship right now."Is he just stringing me along to see if he finds something better? I have been at this for years, will he EVER be ready or am I just being played? N.R A. You're being played. You're a sure thing. You're a last resort.

1402 N. 9th Street Reading, PA 19604 Fri. December 30th: THRODL + No Remorse For The Fallen – Hold Your Breath – Sicker Than Most – Legions – Fall of Heroes – Homewrecker.

Wed. January 4th: UNCLE JAM + special guests (In The Side Room @ REVERB / Up close and personal) Sat. January 7th: SLOTH LOVE CHUNK (The awesome 80’s Tribute Band) Sat. January 14th: SUPER BOB + Divisions – The 5th L – and more Mon. January 16th: BIOHAZARD + special guests: SWORN ENEMY – Strength For A Reason – Lifeless and more Sat. January 21st: THIS OR THE APOCALYPSE – Dreamland Park – Dawn of the Apollyon – and many more Sun. January 29th: Children of Bodom Sat. February 11th: CRO-MAGS + WISDOM IN CHAINS Fri. March 2nd: DEICIDE – Jungle Rot – Abigail Williams – Lecherous Nocturne Fri. March 23rd: D.R.I. (Dirty Rotten Imbeciles) + special guests

www.reverbconcerts.com

Award-winning work in a clean environment

We found our real life Abby.

Coming 2012

Special thanks to:

Its all the rage hair designs

Until The Walking Dead Comes back in February...

Get your fill at 1Up Collectibles We have all your Walking Dead needs covered.

Comics, Graphic Novels, Books,

1Up Collectibles 514 Penn Avenue West Reading, Pa 19611 www.1upcollectibles.com

The Rant: Memoirs of a Band Whore I'm not in a band. I'm not an artist. I'm on the other side of everything.

I'm the the reason band guys can be band guys. I'm keeping the spirit of old school rock and roll alive. Even though the music scene is completely different from that of the 70s-80s, what the hell would a music scene be without groupies? .....Boring. Exactly.

I hook up with guys in bands (not local bands, I'm past that phase, thank you.). I know countless guys from many major touring bands, and when it's their time to come anywhere remotely close to where I'm from, its business time for me. Getting ready for a show is an event for me: Hair Extensions: Check Teased, big hair: Check Loads of eyeliner (ehem, done right): Check Fake eyelashes: Check Revealing, tight outfit: Check 6 inch heels: Check I've really done this so many times; it's like my fucking job.

It all started with the Over the Limit Tour back in 2009. This is when I realized I'm rather good at this. It all started with Eric Morotti, the drummer for the Canadian band Blind Witness. All he did was bum a cigarette off of me. Then somehow we ended up in their tour van, then upstairs in what is essentially the green room at The Silo in Reading, PA. And the rest is pretty obvious. Conveniently, the same tour was playing in Jersey a few days later. In true groupie style, my friend & I followed the tour. I ended up with someone else from the same band. This time it was their gorgeous vocalist, Jon Cabana. Trophy #2. Judge me.

Since then, I've put together a "trophy list" a mile long. Some of my trophy boys are from major touring bands including Greg Kirkpatrick from As Blood Runs Black, Alex Weinberg from Vampires Everywhere, and Josh Balz and Ryan Sitkowski from Scranton-based band Motionless in White. The most recent trophy was the vocalist from Betraying the Martyrs, Aaron Matts, straight from Paris, France. This is definitely a story for my future memoir and without getting too detailed‌let's just say it happened in a church. Fucking metal at its finest (and, yes, I'm fully aware I'm going to hell). This list doesn't include all the bands I know and have partied with. I've raged with Iwrestledabearonce, Get Scared, I See Stars, Dr. Acula, Conducting from the Grave, Veil of Maya, Oceano, That's Outrageous, Structures, Born of Osiris....just to name a few.

The question I get asked the most is: HOW DO YOU DO IT?!?

1) (The biggest reason) I'm an attractive female that knows how to party.

2) It's all about networking. I've started talking to a lot of band guys via Facebook & Twitter. I've even used some band guys just to get to other band guys. Because, once you're partying with one band on a tour, usually all the other bands on that tour will join in on the fun. Then I'm like a kid in a candy store. Sexy, talented, tattooed boys all around.

3) This isn't something every girl can do. You HAVE to have the right personality for it. You cannot be clingy. AT ALL. No dude in a touring band wants some random bitch falling in love with them after one night of fucking,

because then they just think you're fucking psycho. You have to be the one-night-stand kind of girl. You have to be as indifferent as they are. Understand that they probably will not talk to you again until the next time they tour and want to get laid, and be okay with that.

I can only imagine the hate and judgment this "rant" is going to cause. Thank god I'm used to it by now. I've been through so much in my life, I really just don't care anymore. "Slut"? "Hoe?" Oh, and my favorite one of all time..."BAND WHORE?!" Yeah, I've heard it all. My response is always simple, "Please, tell me something I don't know". I do what I do, and I will continue to do what I do until I get sick of it. The funny thing is, if most girls in the "scene" could do what I do, they would too. It's unfortunate for them that they just can't.

I've also had guys criticize me for turning the "scene" into a joke, which I find to be very hilarious. This is usually something I hear from ugly guys in local bands, and, like, really????? If you could bang out a hot girl on a tour bus, you would do it in a heartbeat. I love music just as much as anyone else does. I've grown up going to shows, jumping up and down and screaming my lungs out in the crowd. I've supported local bands my entire life, and I STILL DO. The fact that I've taken support to a whole other level doesn't mean I'm making a mockery of the music scene; I'm just involved in a completely different way than everyone else.

I'm the kind of person you either love or hate. There's no in-between. I have a very close group of friends that love me for who I am, and, oddly enough, fully support my BAND-WHORE lifestyle. On the contrary, the amount of haters I have is ridiculous. I joke sometimes that if there was ever to be a Central PA yearbook, I would handsdown win Central PA's Most Hated. And ya know what? I'm completely fine with that. Haters can hate all they want to, as long as I'm having fun, I really could give two-shits less.

Because while I'm out living my life to the fullest, all of you are sitting at home on social networking sites bitching about how shitty yours are. Not to mention, GIRLS: If I looked like most of you, I'd prooooooobably hate me too, so I understand.

Thus brings my rant to an end. I could really go on for days. The stories I have, I have shared them with some of my best friends, and their response is always a dropped-jaw, followed with, "You really need to write a book." I probably will someday....there are still just too many band guys on my To-Do List.

Let the hate ensue. ;-) Do you have a Rant? Got an opinion? Wanna shoot your mouth off? Submit here

www.gothamcitytattoos.com

The Year In Review: The Best Concerts of 2011 There we’re some amazing shows, tours, and festivals this year. We know because we went to a slew of them. We wanted to know though…what was your favorite concert of 2011? So, we turned to Facebook and asked our friends.

Here’s some of their replies…M.D. Josh L. All Stars Tour @ Sonar or Upon A Burning Body @The Champ Josh H. FTWR @ The Note or when we headlined the Chameleon Shawn B. East Coast Tsunami @ Reverb or Bury Your Dead at Croc Rock Ben K. Between The Buried and Me @ The Chameleon Club Chris S Didnt go to any shows this year, but will definately see Van Halen next year!

Mike D. Mayhem Fest Mike S. Floggin Molly and The Black Pacific @ The Sound Academy LiZ G. Hell on Earth Tour- Slayer, Rob Zombie, and Exodus @ The Sovereign Center Oz Y. Impiety (Singapore), Funerus (PA), Death Sick (NJ) @The Irish - Kearny, NJ CeCe T. I'm boring and didnt get to go to any! :( it's been a long year Kayla D. Probably bring me the horizon, parkway drive, architects, on broken wings @ the electric factory in Philly.

Mike G. Slayer/Rob Zombie @ The Sovereign Center Colin U. The Hell On Earth Tour at the Sovereign Center. Exodus, Slayer, Rob Zombie? That is a dream line up.

Zombies Stage Show alone made it worth and then some.

Jennifer M.It will be Beyond Eden opening for Halesstorm a new years eve! I'm biased because Beyond Eden is my band :) Lucia M.P.P. Bret Michaels at the Croc Rock Danielle T. when i played with the bunny the bear at the croc rock or thrash and burn at the croc.

Alessa D. Suffocation @ Reverb Dan S. Well as far as local shows I would have to say J.X.M.X. @ The silo. I was lucky enough to share the stage and meet some of the best local talent out there. Most of which I have since become very good friends with. Through the power outage and all this show was amazing!!! I can't wait for J.X.M.X. 2!!! As far as national shows Slayer/Zombie/ Exodus at the Sovereign center was epic and tops them all!!!!

Marie S. I enjoyed Avenged Sevenfold @ The Sovereign Center, and then Rob Zombie/Slayer. But most of all, 20til8 rocked!

Artist Spotlight: Nick Necro of The Curse Of Sorrow Interview by Vikki Sin When I first saw self-described “grave rock” band The Curse of Sorrow play our shared stomping grounds of Wilkes-Barre, PA, I was immediately hooked. They’ve got it all- incredible music, horror imagery, and awesome stage presence. Aside from that, these are some of the most down to earth guys I’ve dealt with, who want nothing more than to give a good show for their fans. Cut to Nick Necro, charismatic, over-caffeinated front man who just so happens to have become a best friend of mine. I’ve seen him spend countless hours thinking up ways to improve his performance, not that he needs to, but I admire that kind of devotion in a musician. Plus, he has a total kick ass mortuary collection. I took advantage of a 2 hour drive to Philly to go to (where else?) the Mutter Museum of Medical Oddities, to talk to Necro about the group, who will be dropping their second album, as yet unnamed, this March. After I edited out all the laughter and Necro/Sin squabbling that ensued, I ended up with the following. I encourage everyone to check them out and as always Support Local Music!!! V.S. PI: How would you describe your band to someone that’s never heard you before?

NN: We’re rock, we’re horror, and we have sporadic sounds of metal. Best way I can think of to say is like Motley Crue meets the Misfits, and then toned down a few notches. We’re our very own genre.

PI: What do you think the most important aspect is in a live performance?

NN: Stage performance. I think every member needs to do their part to fucking entertain the shit out of the crowd. When you’re playing a show you’re not there just entertaining people with your music, you need to have a show; you need to have quality. Every member in the band should be doing something. Even if it’s the drummer, they should be standing up when they can. Crowd interaction, that’s a huge plus. Make the people that come out to the show feel like they’re part of the show. Even if they don’t like your music, let them leave saying “Wow, they fucking sucked musically, but their performance was fucking cool.” Don’t let anybody leave disappointed. Go above and beyond to entertain. Get into character, whatever your character is, and fucking play it to the fullest. Forget about you while you’re onstage and remember you’re there to perform.

PI: Tell us about your second CD and what the inspiration was behind it.

NN: To be honest with you, the second album is just a compilation of songs that we had written. I mean there are maybe 3 or 4 new songs that we put together for the second album, but when The Curse of Sorrow first got together, we went on a rampage of writing music. We came up with so many different songs that there wasn’t enough room on the first album, so we had to put some of those songs that we were performing on the back burner so we could focus on the second album after the first album dropped. It was immediate that after we got done with the first album we started working on the second album. It still has that COS sound, but it’s a little bit more in depth, a little more professionally organized. First album was really good, but the second album is gonna be killer.

PI: What made you want to get into music?

NN: I’ve always been into music. When I was a kid, I was always playing around with the guitar or making songs up in my head. I lived a fucked up life, so music helped me out a lot. It’s something that’s natural to me. When The Curse of

Sorrow first started, it started with just two of us jamming out in the tattoo studio, making music for shits and giggles, for ourselves. We put two songs on the internet, just for people to hear. We never thought anything would come of it and we get a call like 6 months later that we won a fucking battle of the bands from Bodog Records and that we were contestants in the battle. This is a battle that had to have been voted on for you to even become a contestant and there were 20 bands from each state and we were chosen to do that. So we knew that we had something good if we were just fucking around and became contestants. So we formed the band and ran with it.

PI: What influences your writing?

NN: Everything. Life. Life in general influences my writing. I look at everything the way that I see it, and some things I try to express just straight out so you know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about, some other things I hide inside of songs. But I like to sing about reality and things that people don’t observe or people don’t want to talk about. I put it into music.

PI: If you could trade places with any rock star, living or dead, for a day, who would it be and why?

NN: I don’t know if I could honestly say there would be just one, because there’s so many different influences, so many different lifestyles.

Like Johnny Cash, you know? I’d like to walk in his fucking shoes for a day. I’d like to walk in the shoes of Alice Cooper for like a fucking week. Rob Zombie, Elvis, Buddy Holly, Fats Domino. I’d like to be a black guy, eat fried chicken and watermelon, sing the blues for a day.

(This was followed by a lengthy discussion over whether or not that statement was racist but we decided it is not, but rather it is just an accurate rendition of what Fats Domino would do in a day) PI: What’s your favorite song to perform?

NN: I think right now ‘Silence is Golden’, just because it’s cool as fuck to me. It’s upbeat, it’s fast, and gets to the point, talks about a lot of shit that plays on my head. Either that or ‘Digging up a Date’ would be my close second. They’re like my two favorites.

PI: Plug your band!

NN: You can find us at www.thecurseofsorrow.com, on Facebook, and at Twitter @curseofsorrow13. We have a ReverbNation page as well and you can buy our music on CDBaby and iTunes.

PI: Thanks for giving us a chance to get Plug’d In. NN: Thanks man!

www.thecurseofsorrow.com If you would like your band featured in Plug’d In hit us up @

bands@plugdinmagazine.com

8 Ways To Survive The 2012 Apocalypse

By Guy Bellefonte In case you haven’t heard, the year 2012 has been predicted to be a game changing year for our planet. The Mayan calendar does not go past the year 2012, leading plenty of logical people to believe that the end of civilization is right around the corner.

Although there will be some vindication for crazy folk who rant all day about the apocalypse, the vast majority of humans are generally bummed out about this horrible prediction.

So is this the real deal apocalypse or just another Y2K? I’m not Mayan, so I can’t say for sure, however, the government is certainly spending money like there is no tomorrow.

Here are some tips that the average person can use to prepare for the 2012 Apocalypse: Step 1: STOP SAVING FOR RETIREMENT! Instead of making your 401K provider rich so they can live it up over the next two years, just stop contributing now.

Take that “found” money and invest in activities and products that you once thought were foolish. For example, you could take off work some random Tuesday, enjoy a few whiskey sours, take the bus to the mall and have some fun. Buy that new mp3 player, chase the teenagers at the mall with a cool new Nerf product all while wearing a funny novelty tshirt under your Snuggie? The Chinese make this stuff for our enjoyment. It would be rude and offensive to their culture if we did not splurge.

Step 2: QUIT SAVING FOR YOUR KID’S COLLEGE TUITION Again, the logic is fairly obvious. If your child is currently in college or will be attending over the next two years, you should still pay tuition. Why deprive your child of a 4 year party if you don’t have to? Just make sure your bundle of joy doesn’t stress about grades and classroom attendance. If your offspring is not college age, drain that 529 account and reenact the scene from The Toy. Step 3: QUIT BITING YOUR TONGUE Time is limited so don’t hold anything back. Let people know that they are rude when they stand in line and make you listen in on their cell phone conversation. Leave a nasty message for your state representative. Tell a teenager to pull up his pants and tie his shoes. Flip off drivers that pass in the right lane or have an excessive amount of tint.

Step 4: DON’T GET THE EXTENDED WARRANTY Tell the sales representative that your recent purchase is going to burst into flames due to a solar blast in two years, and you can’t justify the additional expense. (remember you’ve got Snuggies to buy) If that does not get them to quit their sales pitch, mention that you are simply buying the item to stimulate the economy and you plan on taking a sledgehammer to the product once you get home. Since you cannot take a sledgehammer to a warranty, you would rather pass on their enticing offer.

Step 5: SIN, REPENT, REPEAT Think of the year 2011 as the “day before you go on a diet.” This is the year that you super size that value meal, let it

all ride on red, curse like a sailor, and lie your butt off. Throw in a few confessions to play it safe and repeat.

Step 6: STOP USING Twitter AND Facebook Again, time is precious and as much as you want to believe it, nobody gives a rat’s tail that you are, “Excited for the upcoming long weekend” or that you are “totally stoked 2 c avatar 2nite.” Also, when your local VCR repair company and Buick Dealership asks you to follow them on Twitter and Facebook, it’s just not cool.

Step 7: DON’T BUY FROM ANY COMPANY THAT SAY’S THEY ARE GOING GREEN If the earth’s axis is going to be upside down in two years, why would you care about your carbon footprint today?

As Flavor Flav once said, “Don’t believe the hype.” When most companies say this, they really mean that they are going after the green in your wallet. The grocery stores are a great example of how I went green and felt dumb. They have managed to get us to buy grocery bags (something that they give away for free) while simultaneously convincing us that we are both saving the earth. These marketing clowns would promote clubbing baby seals if they thought it was en vogue.

Step 8: DO NOT PREPARE A SURVIVAL SHELTER You need to ask yourself a question. Would you rather be evaporated in a nanosecond or stuck in some smelly underground shelter listening to the remaining survivors say, “I wonder what’s going on up there?” Even if you made it and emerged, would you really want to be around to see all that carnage and draw straws to see which survivor is dinner? It’s better to go fast and move on to the after party in heaven. Or hell, if you took things a little too far in 2011.

www.epidemicfun.com

Www.plugdinmagazine.com

Man, We need your Help!!

Want Tickets? Meet and Greets? Exclusive Access? Hanging out with your favorite Musician? The Experiences of a Lifetime?

Plug’d In is looking for the following:

Transcriber Photographer Interviewer Writer Columnist http://www.plugdinmagazine.com/local-news.php Special thanks to all the following for making this issue happen: Without you...well, we just would have had to work a little harder.

The Reading Tattoo Co, American Heroes, Belly Busters, 1Up Collectibles, Its All The Rage Hair Designs, Vertical Pole Fitness, Pottstown Tattoo Co, Gotham City Tattoo, The Last Level, Pocket Aces Skate Shop, Crocodile Rock Café, Danielle Welgemoed Taylor, Michael Demos, Liana Marie, Nicole Marie, Nicolle Stella, Vikki Sin, Tyler Heckard, Bandi Budwash, David Barber, Justin Ernst, Designs By Your Arsonist, Roadrunner Records, Century Media, W.M.G., Victory Records, Facedown Records, Fearless Records, Metal Blade records, E1, Hollywood Records, Disney, Adrenaline P.R., Solid State Records, DRP Records, Strike First, Rise Records, Tech Basement, The Children's Home of Reading, Bimbo Bakery, Pepsi, Smaltz’s Harley Davidson, SLP Concerts, and all the amazing National and Local bands we’ve had the privilege to work with.

New and Used Video Games*New and Used Systems*Computer Repair*Excellent Service*Buy/Sell/Trade

2605 Kutztown Rd. Reading Pa 19605 484.706.6982 www.plugnplaystore.com