Supporting someone who is showing signs of stress

What happens when you become aware of another person’s stress…say a partner, a colleague, a friend, an employee, a boss? How can you calm them or show your concern?

When someone is experiencing stress, they are generally not functioning as they normally would. It’s as though you are working or living with a different human being! One who doesn’t seem to be following any of the usual rules! So, how do you support someone who is showing signs of stress, anxiety or tension? What action do you take?

Acknowledging stress is the first step from which change springboards. So, do I jump in, tell them they are stressed, give them the benefit of my knowledge and this is what they should do?

As you can imagine this may not be the best approach when someone is experiencing stress or anxiety and in fact you may worsen the situation.

So, tread carefully… What they don’t need are ‘tough love’ comments such as “toughen up”, “get over it”, “move on”, “you’ll get over it”, “let’s face it, it could be worse”, “things can only get better from here”, “I can remember when I ....”, for example.

The person experiencing the stress needs the reverse... they need to be ‘shown the love’.

It is your support they often need

One of the most important changes you can make is to take care in the way you engage with the stressed person. Your whole focus should become one of giving support not judgement.

When you realise you do not have to solve their situation, that all the person really needs is to feel heard and supported, the nature of your conversations will change for the better. But how do you do that? Here are five strategies to use which are invaluable in any situation when dealing with someone who is stressed:

1. Listen deeply. Make an active effort to focus on paying attention to what the person is saying. Put yourself in their shoes and try to see the world from their perspective. 2. Slow down. Don’t be in a rush when communicating.

The average person speaks at 125 words per minute, but we can mentally process multiple times that amount. That means we have to slow our minds down to listen at the pace that someone else is speaking. 3. Focus on the bigger picture. When someone is stressed, they need to feel that they are being heard, they need you to grasp the core of what they’re saying rather than all the minute facts and details.

4. Be aware of your own emotional filters. Just because you don’t agree with what a person is doing or saying, doesn’t mean you are right and they are wrong. When someone says something that you don’t agree with, your brain shuts off and you stop listening.

So, the first step is for you to be aware of your own prejudices and biases and withhold judgement. 5. Suggest they get help. Tell the person that you’re noticing they are stressed and ask “How can I help?”.

And, depending on the situation and or if it goes on for too long for example 1-2 months then suggest they get some expert support! It’s too complicated for you.

Start with one or two of these strategies and focus on ‘showing the love’! And remember, as in previous articles, males and females manifest stress differently, they handle their stress differently and all too quickly you’ll most likely be out of your depth. Professional help is what’s required here.

For helpful, practical strategies, communication tools and techniques Linda has written the award-winning book Transforming Your Stress Into Business Success. This is available at: www.transformingyourstressintobusinesssuccess.com

Linda Wells – The Business Stress Specialist. Linda is a speaker, trainer and consultant. Over the past 14 years, she has inspired and educated men and women to lead, communicate and respond more effectively to avoid overwhelm, reduce stress and increase productivity, success and enjoyment.