Trailing Thoughts

Trailing Thoughts -Poetry from and ever wandering mind-

Charlotte Fay

Copyright

Copyright 2021. Charlotte Fay ©️ All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form whatsoever without written permission from the author.

Introduction Welcome to trailing thoughts. This small collection of poetry has strung from my ever wandering and ever creative mind. As I fall asleep every night words, phrases and sometimes full poems jump into my mind and refuse to leave until I have written them down. It’s amazing and somewhat annoying at the same time (especially to my husband who thinks I’m just a little bit strange).

Trailing thoughts has been like therapy to me, when I have needed to get feelings and emotions down in words.

So I hope you enjoy this chapbook and all that’s really left for me to say is happy reading.

Trailing Thoughts

Silence Sometimes the best thing to do is stay silent.

No amount of words can justify the amount of regret you feel for putting your faith in the wrong person.

No amount of love and forgiveness can make you completely forget the anguish they have caused.

No amount of time will ever change the actions they took and the way things happened.

So I'll take a deep breath Let it out slowly Shut my eyes and Gently open them wide Wish you well And vow to never make the same mistake twice.

The Heart The heart breaks because another was not mindful of words they spoke and actions they took, The heart aches for the forgiveness it wishes it could give, but not enough time has passed for it to happen, The heart pounds with the anxiety of things left unsaid and actions left to take, The heart is but a muscle but it has an energy that urges to love, to feel and beat with life, Everyday.

Be Kind Kindness is a virtue that some humans simply don't possess, It’s not always their fault, Sometimes they don’t know any better, Perhaps life has always tripped them up, But, Kindness is a virtue that can be learnt, Smile at everyone even if they don’t deserve it, Compliment people because it will always make you feel better, If we all try to be kinder we will all grow kinder, And kindness is the best currency.

Ailments My body is drained Because of the stress You have caused.

My mind is cluttered With all the anxiety That has grown.

My soul is heavy With the disappointment Of faith I had in you.

My life is heavier With the resentment You brought into my life.

My future is brighter With the light that has opened Now that you are gone.

Emotional Body My body feels the aches of my soul, It ebbs and flows with every weary breath.

My eyes feel the soreness of a late night, They burn with every step I take.

My legs carry the weight of my life, Wearing away every day as life piles on more.

My hands show the age of my being, Yet they persist, continuing to do what I need.

My back bares all the scars, Every upset, stress, and still it holds me up.

But it is my head that must understand all that is happening, So, that it can restore & recover this emotional body.

Betrayal Betrayal comes in many forms, We betray ourselves all the time, Don’t we?

I know I do, I say that I will do this or that, I nearly always do the opposite, But betraying someone else, It’s different, Another emotion comes into play, Guilt, I never feel guilty for betraying myself, But, When you betray a loved one, You will always need to live with the consequences.

Weakness Love is my weakness But don't be fooled into thinking I'm not strong Because love is also my strength With it I can overpower all that you throw at me Because love is my passion I live with love in my heart every single day Because love is all that I am No matter what the day brings me Because love is love Weakness or not.

Art With pen in one hand and paper in the other, I will rewrite our masterpiece.

The greatest love story to ever be told, Is the one that nobody knows about.

The piece of art that shied away from the crowd, Because nobody made their feelings clear.

How many love stories have been denied, Through fear?

To Forgive I love you but forgiveness takes time and, I'm not sure how long I need to dissolve, the hurt that my soul has endured at your hand.

I love you but forgiveness takes strength and, I do not know yet if I have what it takes, To let myself forget all that has happened.

I love you but forgiveness is the light and, I still have a dark hanging cloud, Over me when I think of you.

I love you but forgiveness is hard if, You do not accept the fact that you need me, To forgive you all that you have done.

Time Apart Disconnecting, Might be the only way to save, that which is cherished.

Time apart, When we were once so close, a strange thing to consider.

Process I don't know how, To process the hurt thriving inside of my chest, A cherished relationship now in dissolution, An ache in my heart that won’t dissipate.

I go about my day, But you are always there in the background, Waiting for me to think about you, A voice clinging on to my sanity.

Time sweeps by, Day by day the easier it gets to forget you, Every beat of my heart trying to remember you, A hole left in the middle of my soul.

Eventually I move on, You barely enter my thoughts at all now, Only when your face pops up from time to time, But, the ache is a faint memory.

Enough There is only so much heartache a heart can take, I'm done.

No longer will I wait for you to see the light, No longer will I hope for an apology, No longer will I waste time wanting to go back, I have waited too long, Hoped to much, There is only so much heartache a heart can take, I’m done.

The memories of you will linger in the back of my mind, You’ll be one of those people ‘I used to know’, Little trinkets you gave me will cease in importance, It’s hurts so deeply, But I will survive, There is only so much heartache a heart can take, I’m done.

It’s impossible to know when enough is enough, I suppose it is different for everybody, A week, a month, a year, who knows, But now is enough for me, Enough is now, There is only so much heartache a heart can take, I’m done.

Heart v’s Soul Have you ever thought about the difference, Between the heart and the soul, I believe the heart can heal, I believe the soul carries the weight of everything, You may not see it and may not feel it, But it’s there, lingering in the background, Time can heal a heart, But the hurt forever remains in the soul, The slashes in my heart will mend, But the scars on your soul will remain, As a reminder of the actions you took.

Loss Just tell me...

At what point was it that I lost you.

I cannot pinpoint the time, I cannot answer my own question, There is an ache inside of me I cannot shake, It lingers like the last chill of winter, A distance between us has grown, No longer is it just the physical, I suppose it is just one of those things, As they say, Things like this just happen, I just never prepared for it, To happen to us.

Accusations It took me by surprise, That you thought this little of me, If you truly believe I'm guilty, The you simply don't know me, You'll shout and scream and stamp your feet, But I'll be the one left standing tall.

I know I’m not guilty of these accusations, It is you that will now fall.

Shattered Sisterhood You had my heart, You had my trust, Until you ripped them apart with your actions, And just like that, The bonds of a long nurtured and cherished sisterhood, Are left in pieces at your feet.

The Dark Path The path you have chosen is dark, I pray that you have the confidence and courage to fight the demons stirring, You have broken strong bonds for this dark path, I only hope that your new ones will be strong enough to see you through, Because when people get what they want they drop what they needed to get them there, Remember love conquers all and these new bonds were created from greed, Greed is a dark path, one that will swallow you whole, So cling on to that sliver of light dangling in front of you, Take the chance on it even if it scares you, I’ll be waiting.

You Lose Words on a page, Don’t mean I still care, You lost in the moment, You thought I still gave a shit.

Forever No matter what happens, Always know that I love you.

No matter where you are, Always know that I care.

We are no longer one, But, I’ll always be there.

In the depths of your soul, It is just me and you.

Tarnished You were once a delicate petal, Blossoming no matter what, Now they have tarnished your soul, And only forgiveness will make you whole.

I fear that the tarnish is here to stay, Only love and trust can wipe it away, But something feels wrong, Because those cords are not strong.

You have cut many ties, You have said many goodbyes, Perhaps this wasn’t intentional, Mistakes do make us fall.

So, pick yourself up for the tenth time, Asking for forgiveness is no crime, It’s the only way, don’t you see, To strip the tarnish and be free.

Volcano Are you ready for this, Are you ready to feel, The deepest part of my soul erupt, See the flames glitter, The fire flicker, An abundance of light, Birds taking flight, Love ever growing, Seeds ever sowing, Happiness dancing, Animals prancing, Atoms jumping, Cells duplicating, All life thriving, My body striving, For better now you are gone.

I choose They say blood is thicker than water, I didn’t believe that until now, I choose the family I have, You didn’t do so well.

I keep people at a distance, If they don’t want to support me, But having me in your corner, I’ll work and support as hard as can be.

It’s a shame you have let me go, I don’t think they are what you need, They bring you down to such a low, All out of selfishness and greed.

I choose to let them be irrelevant, I choose to wash my hands of you, I choose love and friendship above all, I choose people that love calls.

Weekday Moods Monday’s all I want to hear is Ibiza dance music. It gets me moving when I’ve got the Monday blues.

Tuesdays I want hip hop because Tuesday is just like Monday and I need to get my booty moving.

Wednesdays I want rock and roll because it’s the only thing getting me through hump day.

Thursdays is all about 90’s pop because I want to sing out loud like nobody is listening.

Fridays I want to slow it down with some instrumental zen style and feel like I’m heading into the chill zone.

Saturdays is for whatever the mood is and for whatever is happening that night.

Sunday’s I want to listen to Classic FM and just sit with my thoughts and contemplate the life I am living.

Parenting Struggles Before I became a mother I took it for granted, All that my parents did to raise me, All the struggles they went through, All the pain they endured, But now as I write this I know of those struggles and of those pains, I am a mother and I say to you, We are mothers that just push through it for the sake of our children, We are the fathers that constantly try to put food on the table, We are the parents that struggle to live a life we deserve, We are the single mother who would do anything for her child, We are the single father who would do the exact same, We are the single mother who doesn’t have the support of a partner, We are the single father in the exact same position, We are all parents, Who will always do what we can, for the sake of our children, So I ask you to be kind, I ask you not to judge, I ask you to smile at every parent, Because you do t know how much that smile might mean, to a parent that’s struggling, This small act of kindness, can go a long way, So be kind, be supportive and be the light in the dark.

All Lives Matter I don’t care for the colour of your skin I don’t care if a girl kisses a girl or A man kisses and man.

What I care about is that you are human.

A person exactly like me You might not be my shade of white But that doesn’t bother me I’m a straight women but I understand the attraction of the female form like I’m attracted to the male counterpart You are a work of art no matter your pigment or sexual orientation.

Black, White, in between, Bi, Trans, gay, straight These are all just words people use as hate And I’m sick to death of it.

Support Me As a freelance writer and poet your support means the world to me.

Find and support me on Instagram @charlofay

About the Author Charlotte Fay was born on May 2nd, in Kent, United Kingdom. Writing poetry is Charlottes strongest passion.

It allows her to express her emotions and unleash her creative soul. She is the self-published author of the poetry books, Soul Insights and I’ve just had a baby...

Charlotte's creativity allows her heart to soar and her soul to be free which is something she aims to portray in her poetry.

Charlotte has a diploma in poetry which helped her to develop her poetry writing theme and style.