Feel: Pilot Issue

Feel

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Feel

By Brandon Chacon, edited by Hector Caminero

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Contents 05

Disclaimer/ The Artist

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The Situation

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Lester Mayers

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Separated by Shades

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Dilenia Santos

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Who Gets to be Black

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Tara

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How we Cope

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Patrick Derilus

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Disclaimer Even though this project groups Black people of all backgrounds together, I want to state clearly that Black people are not a monolith.

Black people come in all shades of beautiful. A Black person is not caricature, nor a stereotype, and can even have more than one ethnic identity. Race relations being what they are in America has lead the bodies and minds of Black people to experience many forms of prejudices. We are, despite how the world depicts us, just like everybody else. We desire Love, we have hobbies, interests, and dreams. The reason for centering Black people in my project is unite each other through our shared struggle, our art, and our narratives.

This magazine’s agenda is to will document Black People’s narratives and specifically how are do we feeling.

How do Black People feel when the media representing Blackness?

How do Black people feel about the way they are treated? How do Black people feel when we interact with Non-Black people?

I want a young black child to get answers to how can I cope with the everyday trauma that is a part of my Black experience.

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The Artist I am the child of my Nicaraguan and Costa Rican parents who immigrant to the United States. I identify as a American-born, Lightskin Black-Latino Cis-Man. Systemic Racism affects me differently than others and it is because of those privileges I hold that I have a platform to speak. I wanna give a platform for those silenced Black voices and feelings that are all around us.

Every single person has been paranoid within their lifetime and paranoid thoughts can be about being stuck in a elevators or heights.

For me, my paranoia comes from systematic racism.

The paranoid thoughts that push me closer to instability are triggered when I scroll and see the death of another Black body and think “damn the next one could be me”.

I am paranoid when I hear of my Black friend surviving being pulled over by the Police because he fit the profile of “Black Man with Dreads”. I wonder if the next time the cops are looking for a caricature of criminal that I’ll be on walking down my block with my twists in my hair and they’ll think “Shoot first ask questions never”.

I am paranoid when I hear about and see racist, anti-black action on my campus because what if I am the butt of their next racist act . After the Trump’s election I saw on the walls of SUNY New Paltz racist and anti-black graffiti.

I have heard with my own Black ears white students (unsuccessfully) try to silence the Black community during our annual Pre-Black Solidarity Day, attempting to drown out our cries of resistance and our Black People Pride with their noise and our rap music. This is the campus that I live on and I am paranoid in it.

For a long time, I have been unsure how to unpack my emotions from this Paranoia. I was never sure who to talk to about seeing police brutality. I was never sure what to say about my own non-race related trauma either, like my people in my life dying, or harass-

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ment, or even the more simple things. I’ve always been told that these are things that I have to deal with my own, and that my ancestors dealt with worse, so my own struggles are nothing in comparison to the trauma that the modern day black person must feel. I’ve always heard quotes like “in this world we have to work twice as hard to get the same success” but never the quotes about how working twice as hard can make me feel sick, or depressed, overworked, etc,

With this project, I hope that people can see the

living embodiments of the quotes that I never got. I want them to see regular people living in the world with their own hobbies, talents, goals, ideologies, and experiences, and see that even though they’ve made it this far, they still feel these same struggles. For someone just to say that I deal with these things all the time and it affects me can make someone dealing with stress and paranoia feel like they aren’t alone, and they aren’t going through something that is specific to just them. We are not alone, if we can struggle together, we can cope together. I want to spread as much hope and love for someone’s future as they can see in the people who are being interviewed. Even if one person is positively affected by this, I’ll be incredibly happy with the results. The end goal for me, is for black people to be cognizant of their own mental health, and for those bystanders who aren’t black, but are still interested to be cognizant of how race can affect the mundane existence of the Black American. I want there to be a larger conversation about mental health in Black communities. For those who took the time to even look at this, I’m glad that you care, I’m glad that you acknowledge these things, and I’m glad you are here, alive and well. I love and appreciate you. I hope you enjoy the rest of the work !

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The Situation We’ve all been there before, when you’re talking to someone and they inexplicably say or do something racist or something that implies that they might be. They say something that either boils your blood or makes you extremely uncomfortable, and forcing you to do a double take.

How would you respond ? a.

Lash out, telling the person off,

b.

Keeping this to yourself.

c. d.

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We operate within a system that refuses to understand us,

And we are forced to decide whether it’s worth speaking up for ourselves.

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In this system, you hope that the more educated the people are surrounding you, that the more aware they would be of your struggle, but as we all know by now, ignorance doesn’t have an education gap, a wealth gap, a specific

This pressure can feel unbearable to the

status, or any exterior identifier. Your

point that you want to leave your job,

college professor can be misguided

because ‘how many times am I going to

about colored people and be prejudice to

deal with this before I go crazy.’

them, your boss can think that black hair

Another common feeling about this is

is “unkempt” no matter how you style it,

wondering if you are even a victim of

your own neighbor can hate the way that

this racist act. You see that others in your

you talk in your own neighborhood and

general vicinity have either also heard

want you to speak “properly.”

or saw the action in question, and you begin to question if this is just normal,

The idea that of being fundamentally

and if it’s okay that this is normal. This

misunderstood is scary. How do you

feeling of self doubt is contributes to the

explain to your boss that their implicit

lack of action in a situation. How can I

bias about black hair is asking too much

be sure that I am not overreacting if no

of you without “offending” them by

one else is even reacting to it ?

implying that their racist. We all know that racist white people get offended more by being called racist than they care about actually being racist, when you add a power dynamic to that, it becomes incredibly hard to do anything about problems like this.

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Communication is Key

If you are ever in this situation, remember: this is a common story in the life of a person of color. You are not alone. other people have been in similar

Not only that, you don’t have to take it.

situations, probably someone that you

You have the option to defend yourself.

know or can reach. Simply talking to

You can make it known that you will not

someone about these situations can

tolerate someone’s ignorance.

alleviate some stress related to these incidents, while also ensuring you that you are, in fact, not overreacting at all, and these things are real and not just in your head.

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Lester Mayers LM: My name is Lester Mayers and I identify as a human being, a black male from Brooklyn. who's an artist, who's Sensitive about their shit.

BC: So what do you do what are your hobbies are you interested in?

LM: I'm a full time student in the theatre program so i'm in all the shows that we do. I'm a writer so I'm interested in real moments with real people with human beings and real shit. So I study people and I ear-hustle it. I write poetry and I read books and I listen to music, and I watch movies and I like to eat bad food.

BC: Do you have a specific reason for liking writing, theatre, music, all these things that encompass the way people feel?

LM: The reason why I love art. The reason why do I do this. Because Alice Walker said years ago, when we can't tell the truth that's when art steps in. For me it's nothing but truth telling. Story lines and facts is nice and that's where the character comes in. But the story of it all is the truth. And so that's why I do what I do.

BC: Can you tell me one memory you have of a really good time in your life like that you would be willing to share it specifically?

LM: One good memory that I have in my life is here this campus I did to kill a mockingbird I played tom robinson. And every night for eight shows in a row people stood on their feet every time I walked out. And it was an unbelievable experience. And it's nice to be in a place where I'm known for my talent and not anything else.

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at all. So when it did that I immediately slipped back to being 14 years old again and crossed the street and told that we can do this in two ways that I let you go for your safety, or we can do this the way of which you are trying to pretend it can go. It took me back. It did, and they continued as they walked. And then I had a snap out of it and I went and found their coach and they were escorted off campus and unable to play for the rest of the season. So it was negative but it just made me think 'if you were bold enough to do it to me on my campus what do you do to the kid's in your school who have no voice yet'. So it was just it speaks volumes to the the direction we're headed as a community and as a collective that's more

BC: What is your reaction to these people standing up. Why does it affect you so much?

LM: It affects me a lot. My reaction to it was I was speechless every night because the story of Tom Robinson is true it's real life happened to Emmett Till. And so I was able to tell his truth and many others whose names were never mentioned in history, so I was able to bring that in that theatre. In those moments, and every night in theatre is something different. So I was like I was never trying to relive the moments before I was just doing my job and telling the truth. And so it came across authentically so I hope, and so it meant a lot to see people appreciate that

BC: Can you speak an experience you've had where you were negatively affected by someone's actions because of your race ethnicity skin color hair texture etc?

BC: What were the immediate emotions you felt when you that when you heard them say that to you?

LM: When I first heard them say that I had to double back and make sure they was talking to me. But like I said it would hurt it. It brought me back. It brought me back. I'm the youngest in my family, And so I grew up around black older people who were supposed to protect you, who greeted you with the word faggot. And it rolled off their tongues so effortlessly. And you think you have tough skin, and you do, but it doesn't get easier you just learn to deal with it. So when I heard it, it was just like okay I've got to go back.

All of the work that I've done all of the healing I thought I went through all of the tools that I have, had to go back, you know for a moment and then you collection yourself and then you use those tools and you move forward.

LM: I want to use an example right on this campus on why I was negatively affected. I think it was three or four weeks ago. I was walking past the athletic center and the bus from bus pulled out from some high school and high school kids got on the bus and they thought it was okay and appropriate While I was walking past them to call me all sorts of homophobic pejoratives. They were black kids and it was all too familiar to me. It was as if I was in the hood and as if I was 14 years old again. And in the black community homophobia is real and it's how people choose to love their family members if they choose to love them. It is how gay people are able to sit at the table if they're able to sit

“The story of Tom Robinson is true it's real life happened to Emmett Till.�

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Lester Mayers

on bullshit on bullshit on storylines and fact so they put the picture out of that black boy who was killed holding his middle finger up, so he deserved to be shot. Or he was smoking weed, so he deserved to be shot. you know they fear for their lives. We fear for our lives every day.

Every time we walk out, it takes so much courage to walk to be in a all white environment. It takes so much courage. But people don't know unless they have to go there. So I don't even have those conversations with the people who don't have to go there anymore.

BC: Do you ever feel pressured to act a certain way in specific places or specific instances because of like who you are?

LM: No I don't feel pressured to act a certain way even though I realize that the pressure is there. I do however feel pressured to act like myself. I think it's important to introduce myself as I am, in all of my power when I walk in a room when I walk into a meeting with the dean, when I greet the janitor when I say good morning to the barista or say good afternoon to my classmates. I have to be myself 24/7. I have to. With the understanding that a human being is a human being and there are many sides to us in different circumstances calls for different lester. But not normally. I know your expectations. I know that people are waiting to hear the "ghetto" part of me or the "white" part of me

BC: Just thinking about like everything we've said just now, everything you’ve expressed from your personal experiences to the media, How do you cope with all of this stuff. What do you do to cope with it?

LM: What i've learned to do with coping is to write. And to have conversations with like minded individuals. not just discussing problems but are there any solutions in the near future that we can achieve. Is there any plays that we can do.

Are there any stories that I can write, any poems.

So I'm traveling poet I think it's important that I carry that message with me everywhere that I go. And try to bring people together and give them options because there is, was, and will be a time when I don't know how to cope because it becomes too much. I'm human being. Things become too much for us. And so for now it's right. Tomorrow It may be a mary J. Blige album.

Next week maybe the opening of a show. The following week and maybe Angela Bassett movie.

Or Maya Angelou book, You just never know.

You know you heard from me. I turned to art, because it saved me.

BC: So what do you think about issues regarding race in media. Do you think they're presented Well?

LM: I think the media is so full of shit because any time any race related happens we miss the opportunity to have a conversation about as one. what you know we missed the opportunity and then everything goes back to you know every 28 hours an unarmed black person is killed. We mourn for 28 hours and then we go back to normal. the conversation never happens. And if it does happen it goes like this. Well they should've did what what the officer said. Well who the fuck are you to tell them what was happening on the scene when you weren't there. And it's back and forth it gets us nowhere. No solution never happens. And then there are the liberal people who quote Martin Luther King, forgetting that he was assassinated. Unarmed he was an unarmed black man who was assassinated. And it's a repeat of History, and nothing seems to happen the truth is never told. It's Always bullshit

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I turned to art because it saved me.

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My Brother My brother my brother -Let me apologize...

I see the disappointment- When I look into your eyes...

Our world has never been very considerate of you...

Yet you push on proudly- like you were taught to do...

My brother my brother -If you give me just one clue...

How you maintain your sanity -With all that you been through...

To be viewed through a biased eye- To be deprived of your rights...

To be robbed of your thoughts and dreams- To be plain ole stereotyped...

I cannot imagine -The pain you must endure...

It's a miracle to me -that your heart remains so pure!

Your struggle is one that-even-Freud would not comprehend...

Your strength is my source- when my spirit is weakened...

If time is kind and it permits- Our world to be awakened...

I’ll try to make up to you- All that has been forsaken...

For to me and to many- You are a divine gift...

An ultimate warrior -Whose legacy I lift...

Behold! The only thing greater than you...

Is knowing that you’re loved my brother...

With whatever you’re going through...

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Separated by Shades Just like the everlasting jaws of racism, colorism continues to divide and conquer the black community. Colorism blatantly lets us know that, not only does racism still exist, but it also discriminates in an orderly fashion.

Colorism tells us: even though you’re apart of the same family, that you are less worthy, simply because your shade of black is slightly different than other people.

Colorism tells us:

even if you have the credentials to play the best roles and get the best jobs, that your darker shade will hold you back.

Colorism tells us:

even when ads and TV shows try to be inclusive and add diversity, that they will somehow forget to cast a dark skin actor every time.

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Turn Away From Colorism

It’s no secret that when representing beauty, sexual partners, amount of pay, likelyhood to attain a job, that those who are of lighter skin are given more privilege. In media, lighter skinned black and latinx actors are more than likely to be casted as main roles, while their darker skinned counterparts are often supporting roles. In the Americas, it has been ingrained that “whiteness� is better, and this carries on to many black and latinx communities. There are many afro-latinx communities that, despite being mostly african genetically, distance themselves from these roots.

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Feel

Color related stress also affects the psyche of the those involved. A dark

Though this may seem sad, these are

skinned black woman who never sees

things that we have to acknowledge. If

herself in media may feel like they

we understand that this is just the way

are not beautiful enough, or not good

the system works, and not the way that

enough, like her skin, her hair, and her

things have to be, we can appreciate

facial features aren’t desirable. They

the underappreciated. We can love our

may feel like the reason they aren’t

darker melanin with the comfort of

getting the job they want, the raise they

knowing that any attempt to show our

asked for, or the acknowledgements they

shades as hierarchy is rooted in color-

deserve, may have something to do with

ism, and should be challenged. The most

their color.

important thing about acknowledging these problems is that knowledge gives us the power to challenge the culture.

Viola Davis said it best: “That’s the whole racial aspect of colorism: If you are darker than a paper bag, then you are not sexy, you are not a woman, you shouldn’t be in the realm of anything that men should desire.”

Some dark skinned people have resorted to bleaching their skin, rather than to face the discrimination, because being lighter would make life easier for them.

This situation, which is systematic by nature, causes insecurity and self doubt.

There is no specific person that you can confront to stop profiling you by color.

There is no higher up you can talk to in a group, job, or casting agency that will be capable of righting the wrongs that have been done to you. Things like this can feel helpless. You begin to question whether things will ever change.

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“Every society has its protectors of status quo and its fraternities of the indifferent who are notorious for sleeping through revolutions. Today, our very survival depends on our ability to stay awake, to adjust to new ideas, to remain vigilant and to face the challenge of change.� – Martin Luther King Jr.

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Dilenia Santos DS: My name is Dilenia Santos. I am a Dominican who was born and raised in the United States. Inside my house I was molded traditions and values of the Dominican culture.

BC: What are your hobbies?

DS: I love to run. I used to be in cross-country in high school and I’m looking forward to being apart of the New Paltz Cross-Country team. Also, whenever I have the time I model, do photoshoots, and fashion shows here and there.

BC: Why do you like these specific things?

DS: I found that when I would be running it is a form of relief. It would help me get rid of all the stress I have. They call it the “runner’s high”. Once you finished running you feel so good, you feel like you could keep on going. As for modeling, I have moments where I want to be in the spotlight. I won’t lie, I love it. I feel like it brings out another side of me where I want to let people know who I am and what I’m about in different spectrums whether it has to do with social injustice or fashion. I definitely like to be on the platform sometimes.

BC: Can you speak about an experience when you were negatively affected by someone’s actions solely because of your race, ethnicity, skin color, or hair texture?

DS: So I was at the salon the other day getting my hair done and I brought in my own products because of i’m paranoid about my hair losing its natural curls. I’ve heard that in the cosmetology industry some salons have a tendency of putting in chemicals within the shampoo and conditioner in order to straighten the hair without letting the person know. It gets their job done easier. I guess that would affect my perception on whether or not it’s OK to trust somebody with my hair.

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certain group of people and you notice or an outsider notices that your tone and the way you say things change. Like if you high pitch or low pitch, or your words structure definitely changes depending on who you are around. Sometimes people code switch so that the person can understand them. I believe there’s either six or seven African-American vernaculars in the United States so if I was talking to a Caucasian person in one of those vernaculars they wouldn’t really understand the terminology. It’s not to say that they’re ignorant, but there’s just certain things that you do so that you could be able to communicate to the other person. You gotta build that bridge of understanding but I wouldn’t say you have to change yourself but really change the way you communicate. You know, language always falls short sometimes.

BC: Do you think it’s because of there’s stigma for Curly hair ?

DS: Well it depends on the culture and the trend.

There’s some cultures who definitely reject the fact that natural beauty is seen as beauty. People of African descent tend to have thicker hair, curly hair, and all different types of hair textures, and most of the time their hair is not straight.

The eurocentric perspective teaches people with thicker or curly hair that you have to alter your person hair so u can be beautiful. And that’s not right you know. Sometimes it’s more expensive to go natural, but if we were taught while we were young that Natural Hair is Beautiful than it really wouldn’t be a problem.

You have to break down those traditional stereotypical things that even with those who are from Afro descent believe in. You have people of color who still reject that side of them and they would prefer to go with the European style right because it’s seen as better. “Ella tiene el pelo buneo” It’s lies, things that are ingrained in them to be seen as beautiful based like colonization and assimilation. All these things have really taken into account the way we see things, and whether or not it’s seen as beautiful.

BC: Do you think that issues regarding race are represented well in the media?

DS: Well, No. I don’t think issues regarding race are represented well in the media but you still have to be very attentive of the current trends and who are the ones taking over the media outlets. You always seem to find that those who aren’t people of color and those who are lighter skinned tend to have a dominant role in the media. I feel like most of the time when there’s a person of color on the news they bring up a lot of negative stereotypes. I feel like there’s a division between people when it comes to like police brutality. Some media outlets cover it for the trend and then there are those who passionately care about it. So I would say that when it comes to the media, there is definitely a huge division when it comes to race. And certain media outlets put the things they care about on the pedestal to protect the message that they want to communicate.

BC: Do you ever feel your pressured to act a certain way because of your race or ethnicity?

DS: I don’t think that being around people affects how I carry myself around them. I feel like sometimes it’s done unintentionally though, some people do it without noticing it. Like code switching, sometimes you’re talking to a

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Dilenia Santos

change, and remain. Keeping that in mind there’s always going to be something being thrown at me or thrown towards some else. And it’s my choice whether or not I let it bring me down or not. So the way that I cope with it. I understand that I’m a walking testimony because the way that I carry myself. I know I have a lot to lose as a woman of color but I know I also have a lot of the things to gain as well. The stereotypes give me hunger to continue to strive and go against all those odds. That’s how I see it.

BC: Thinking about texturism, colorism, how people treated you, and how the media doesn’t represent you well as it.

How does that make you feel?

DS: I feel like the media is definitely a platform to show whatever is trending at the moment.

Trends in the media have a beginning, and end shortly after. The issue is brought up and then they are no longer addressed, and if it’s no longer addressed then people think it is no longer important. I think that’s very unfair.

Because of social media anybody could become a critic. Social Media gives people a form of power. I was really offended by a video I saw of a young girl who was killed in the Dominican Republic by a young man. The media outlets labeled all Dominican men as savages because of that one incident. It bothered me a lot that the media feels like it has the right to scapegoat people for certain things.

I have a lot to lose as a woman of color, but the stereotypes give me hunger to strive against all those odds.

The media treats a newstory like a game: they post the things that they want in any way they want to get a certain reaction from people, and when they get that reaction, then they won. Then they move on but those labels and stories stay engraved in your head. I feel like its like snapchat where something deletes supposedly deletes 24 hours after you posted but even though it’s gone in 24 hours, it remains. If you think about it certain people who have a platform to educate or have a voice in the media use statistics and stuff when they educate which is good but at the same time you don’t know if it’s true or not.

You gotta question like the sources and stuff.

BC: So keeping all we’ve talking about in mind, how do you find ways to cope all this stuff, like what do you do ?

DS: So I know for a fact that I live in a world where I’m not the only one that dwells in it. And I know that there will always be ideas that evolve,

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There’s always going to be something being thrown at me...

And it’s my choice whether or not I let it bring me down or not.

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Who Gets to be Black ?

Is it the people playing basketball in the park, Is it the kid who’s always down to freestyle, Is it the person who has “rhythm” and bust a move on command Or is it the person who talks in a vernacular that’s not standard english ?

As important as it is to preserve your culture, it is also important to understand that what one person considers to be “the culture” isn’t the same as what others consider it to be, especially with something as broad as skin color. There are black people from across the world, not even just the over 50 african countries, over 30 latin american countries that we are notably from.

In many of our black communities, there is the idea of excluding and filtering out those who aren’t “black enough,” or not “Hispanic enough.” These are the people that don’t speak the same language or slang as their neighbors, who don’t have the same hobbies, etc. These people are also black and hispanic. These people have the same lineage as you, they share relatives with you, and they truly are black. What else are they ? They aren’t white.

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WE ARE NOT MERELY THE LABELS THEY DEFINE AS...

WE ARE WHO WE CHOOSE TO BE

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Being someone who is most definitely black and being told that you aren’t is hurtful. Many black people who are told that they aren’t black, or that they’re white can feel like they don’t belong to their community and have nowhere to go to. It can be frustrating, especially when you are too young to realize that these are only constructs that are made to divide us. A lot of black people are told that they “act too white” when their still young kids and teenagers, and don’t understand how to process this.

We as a community have the power to abolish the necessity to uphold the stereotypes. The stereotypes only apply to some, and only go so far. There are so many young, outstanding and beautiful children that are growing up right now who would want their blackness to be affirmed. These kids deserve to feel as black as anyone else, because our race isn’t a stereotype, it’s who we are.

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“Because you can’t hate the roots of a tree and not hate the tree. You can’t hate your origin and not end up hating yourself. You can’t hate Africa and not hate yourself.”

– Malcolm X

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Untitled

cause im scared of my mother’s land Our parents left their homes and everything they know

disconnecting disasterous dystopias running from the diaspora

& come here for a dream thats not real I don’t know how that makes me feel avoiding the motherland

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so i wear my palo proudly run towards la playa

with my heart pounding hard hitting hurricanes hurting mother’s black brother

fight the circling sharks of madness

porque

to come back to the island

No Patos

growth

even tho they made it

that my blackness is beautiful

the one we left out of cookout

& anti-blackness

No Moronos

come back & invested in their

have a seat at the table

and make them see

with their fuckin labor

& so are we

god i hate having the chicken without any gravy & seeing an island lack of solidarity thats why im so unhappy

cause i feel my people sobbin

& that shit makes me so angry i just need to unite the family through my stories & writing

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Tara Lucombe I’m Tara, I’m from the Bronx, Hunts point you know I’m just in college struggling so.

BC: What are your interests and hobbies.

TL: I love helping people. lf see someone fall I’m trying to help them. I also love poetry, reciting, writing, anything, I’m for it. I write a lot about my personal struggles.

BC: Is there a reason why you like help helping people and you like poetry. What is the payoff for you when you do these kind of things.

TL: I like to do those kind of things because I wish that there was someone there to help me. I want to be someone that other people could come to. I had to really fend for myself a lot. So I don’t want other people to feel how I felt.

BC: What is it what is something you look forward to everyday.

TL: I look forward to a better world, not like world peace or what not, but towards a better place for me to be in, not only emotionally and mentally, but like physically as well. I don’t want to stay in the same place that I am now. I’m just trying to further myself to be a better of me.

BC: Can you speak on one memorable moment in your life that stood out to you that you would like to share.

TL: Well I used to be part of this program called the “possibility project.” It was a theater group where we would sing dance and act. Basically what we did was address social issues in our society. When we finally had our big play at the end of the program

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it was so emotional for the audience and for the actors ourselves because it was something that everyone can relate to, like bullying or abuse, and everyday problems that people go through but not everybody likes to speak about.

speak up about it, or fight them because like I had to present myself as a “proper child”. They lived in Westchester which is predominantly white. You see like one black person living there but a black majority of black people who are working there go home to their shitty apartments in New York City. I didn’t realize it was ignorance. I didn’t even know what racism was at the time, I was just I was upset. I’m not different from you, I’m the same. I don’t cry black, I don’t bleed black blood. Just because of my melanin, I’m looked at differently... And no, I did not cry.

She wasn’t twisting my arm hard enough. So I was chill, I was just I was just like “okay”. she was like “Why aren’t you crying” like bitch my momma beat me harder that.

BC: You mentioned bullying and things people go through etc. Is there any moment in your life where you felt like because was like your race or hair texture or like ethnicity that you felt like you were negatively affected.

TL: Well I could Go on and on about that but one moment still has a hold on me. I was very little and my mother was a babysitter for her white children. And so she used to bring me along sometimes when they didn’t have school and I use hangout and play with the white children.

The white girls questioned my skin tone and they were like “did you take a shower? are you dirty? Why is your hair like that you should brush your hair” whatever. One of the girls came up to me and basically she’s like “Do you cry Black tears”. And I was like “that doesn’t even make sense.” This little girl was like pinching me and twisting my arm just to see her cry Black tears. That shit really made me understand the ignorance that people have towards people of color. We’re just Different skin color like it’s not a whole different thing. Just like you.

BC: Do you ever feel like you’re pressured to act a certain way in these instances like in any instance regarding race, sexuality.

TL: I think in this society I have to like “talk proper”. I can’t speak a certain way because I’ll be seen as ghetto. It’s like I have to be a white person in a black body. So it’s like my hair has to be straight or People look at me funny, I have to I have to just to stand up and be like “proper” like. “Yes miss,” like how you are in an interview.

And that’s like every day. And then these white people they think that they can say nigga but when I say Nigga, everybody is like “oh my god.”

It’s so disrespectful and rude.

BC: Can summarize in a few words how that made you feel in the moment

BC: It’s like all we got is this word. And you want to take this too

TL: I was angry. I was like damn, these white people have it all. They have a big house, they can afford people to work for them, and they’re treating me like I’m dirt or something or like they could just spit on me and get away with it.

I can’t say nothing about it because they could get my mom fired or something. So I felt I had to just hold everything in and I wasn’t able to

TL: For real, they want everything like you taking people land and stuff, taking people bodies away from their homeland. You want our words too? incredible. It’s cute when white people want to act ghetto or speak like black people do but but when we do that it’s like oh they’re

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Tara Lucombe

ghetto they’re disgusting. Same thing with light skins too. Really, you have to fit in society’s Box. If you’re trying to be an individual people are going to be like who does this girl think she is.

should look up to because their “sweet angels” with their blond hair and blue eyes. Personally even like my own father trusts white people more than he trusts Black people. He goes into black neighborhoods and then he locks his car doors, but it white neighborhoods, He’s fine. It’s chilling. He’s comfortable. I trust black way more than I trust white people. Like colonialism. Hello?

BC: What do you think about how people of color are represented in the media TL: Well I think we are made fun of a lot. Bringing up reality TV like love and hip hop where all these black girls are fighting and everybody is laughing at them.It’s kind of like we’re joke we act ghetto, fighting all the time. It paints that mental image of us like we’re all aggressive people. And that’s not cool. I love Netflix because they always have like they include like everybody regardless of their race, sexuality, everybody is included and they treat them like people. It’s not stereotypical. I hate when people are like “oh you like watermelon, you like fried chicken you like koolaid”. I’m like No, they’re like oh you know that’s what all black people like.

And I’m just like Are you serious right now. And black people do it to black people as well. Like that’s a whole issue. We stereotype ourselves.

And it’s just we battle each other when really we should be battling the man like let’s all team up, link up and fight the common enemy instead of bringing each other down.

BC: Think of everything we’ve talked about would be like colorism or expectations, personal trauma etc.. How do you cope with all this stuff?

TL: Well that’s why my focus is on helping people because I know that just by myself. i’m not able to helps society as a whole, but if I can help one individual even if it’s like educating someone about race and the issues that we go through and why reverse racism doesn’t really exist and stuff, it would be worth it. If I could just teach one person and they are able to teach other people and that it’s like it’s a domino effect. So I hope for a better future because of that. I hope that everybody could be equal no matter what their sexuality is no matter how they identify no matter what their race is like we are all human beings of the day and we should be treated as anything less because of our skin color or if we’re gay or straight or anything like that.

BC: It’s also like the stereotypes .

What if I do like fried chicken what does it do for you. That doesn’t mean I represent every black caricature.

TL: It’s like if you don’t fit into the stereotype it’s like you’re not “black enough.” Now they’re revoking you’re black Card because you don’t like those certain things like oh you’re a white person you act white you’re an “Oreo.”

People really think like the white people are the default where you have to like oh this is the proper way. This is the right way. This is who we

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we are all human beings of the day and we should be treated as anything less because of our skin

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How do we cope Being black is beautiful. Being black is a blessing that cannot be traded, being black is powerful. To be in tune with who you are while also being unapologetically black is an enlightening experience. That being said, Sometimes it’s stressful being Black.

Regardless of who you are, being

resentment or any other of the many

comfortable in your skin is hard

emotional reactions to race related stress, it

when there are obstacles in the way. It

is apparent that the obstacles are real, and

seems like the color of someone’s skin

that the black community should be aware

generates obstacles that shouldn’t even

of the threat that race related stress has to

be there, but are placed in a structured

the black psyche.

and overwhelming manner that can be detrimental to mental health.

This is not to say that every black person is mentally unhealthy, that every black person is depressed, that every black person is in pain. Obviously there are people who are unaffected by these obstacles, there are people who are mentally fit and sound, and are very knowledgeable, very black, and very beautiful.

What this does say is that these obstacles DO affect the psyche of the black mind.

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Reactions to race-related stress Anger

Isolation

Anxiety

Paranoia

Fear

Resentment

Frustration

Sadness

Depression

Self-blame

Helplessness-Hopelessness

Self-doubt

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Fortunately, there are resources that remedy race related stress.

Brown University outlined a recommendation list for those who are dealing with race related stress

Build a support network.

Perform a reality check.

You are not the only person dealing with

Understand that your feelings can often dis-

race-related stress and connecting with

tort the reality of the situation. Think of ex-

other people with similar experiences and

amples that counter the negative thoughts

feelings can help you successfully navigate

and feelings that you are experiencing.

racism.

For instance, the admissions committee most likely made their decision because

Build a positive cultural identity

your past academic performance fit their

A strong sense of self is particularly helpful

acceptance criteria. Additionally, failure on

in combating race-related stress, stereotype

one examination does not automatically

threat, and the Imposter Phenomenon.

indicate that you cannot succeed in any of

Take classes that focus on the historical

your classes.

experiences and contributions of your cultural group and join campus organiza-

Make a positive reinterpretation.

tions that celebrate your cultural norms

You can reframe the initial negative

and ideals. Your campus’ Office of Minority

thought by saying “The admissions com-

Affairs is a great place to start forming

mittee accepted me because they believe in

connections.

my potential to succeed” and “I know I am a highly capable person and I can improve

Make positive reinterpretations of

my academic performance with additional

negative thoughts and reframe negative

support.” You can also reframe your

situations with a three step process:

experiences with racism with statements

Identify negative feelings. For instance, a

such as “This can only make me stronger”

failing grade on an examination may lead

or “My elders have gone through this and

to the negative thought “The admissions

persevered and so can I.”

committee made a mistake when they accepted me.”

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Become involved in social action.

Document acts of racism or intolerance.

Don’t ignore or minimize your experiences,

Call people out when you witness acts

and think broadly about what could be an

of injustice and intolerance.

act of racism. It doesn’t have to be an overt

Try not to get discouraged. Change doesn’t

act (e.g., professor consistently not calling

happen over night and movements are a

on you or minimizing your contributions,

long process. Remember that you are one

curriculum racially biased, etc). Talk to

cog in the wheel, and your contribution, no

someone you trust and report it.

matter how small you may think it is, is a vital component of the movement.

Be strategic in social action.

Don’t underestimate the power you have

When attempting to change policy or

to make change. Student involvement

procedures, it is important that you do this

has been instrumental in starting major

effectively by:

movements through out history.

1. Be clear about what it is you want to

Although this list is tackles good coping

see change.

methods for race related trauma, it is

2. Be clear about how you see that

also important to recognize that you are

change being implemented.

unique. There may be things here that don’t

3. Make sure you talk to the person/

necessarily work for you, and there are

department that will most likely be able

probably methods you already use that are

to get you want you want.

beneficial to you that you are already using to cope. Through the people we interviewed

Be mindful about timing (e.g., when is it the

and the stories we’ve all heard before, it’s

time to share your experiences and frus-

apparent that there are plenty of working

trations, when is it time to work on change

methods, whether it be creating art, writing

and demands, when is it time to negotiate).

poetry, modelling, spending time with your

Don’t work in isolation. Get a team so that

family at the end of the day,

the work on these tasks aren’t so daunting for any one person.

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Patrick Derilus PD: My name is Patrick and I identify as a Black-Haitian. My pronouns are he/him/his and they/them/theirs.

BC: What are your interests and hobbies?

PD: I usually write. I write poetry, short stories, and essays. Every now and again I will doodle but it’s not a main hobby.

BC: You ever think about why you doodle and draw?

PD: Reflecting back on it as a kid I recognize that art gives me a lot of leeway, a lot of space to be free and when I think about art I think about being liberated.

There’s no specific rules or regulations that I have to abide to for it to be considered great. I just created and it’s mine, it’s mine to revel in and appreciate.

BC: What are some things that you look forward to everyday?

PD: I look forward to making it to the end of the day, I look forward to being alive if I’m being completely to be honest with you. A lot of what we do tend to push in this country is to “seize the moment”, “live in a moment”, but even when we are in the moment, we are still not as happy as we are told we should be.

The most we can do is just appreciate the fact that we are alive. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to not do anything because I know for sure we weren’t meant to be on this earth just to be productive. There’s more to life than that.

Feel

the information laid out in an accessible way for everybody to understand.

BC: Can you tell me about a memorable moment in your life?

PD: A memorable moment is when I got when I got accepted to SUNY New Paltz. I just got accepted to the Graduate Program for English and it really sparked me because one of my biggest concerns was leaving college and not knowing what to do. When I got accepted into the graduate program it set me up with time, time to work towards bettering my skills as both a person and an educator in the field of literature. And at achieving the goal of heightening representation in the educational world workforce.

BC: Can you speak on an experience you’ve had where you were negatively affected by someone because your race or skin color?

PD: I took an American Literature course two semesters ago with a white woman professor. It was a predominantly white women space, there were only two other Black Student not including me. When we reached the point in the course where we started talking about Zora Neale Hurston’s “Their Eyes Were Watching God.” She gave a brief introduction and begin reading the book out aloud and the part that she reads that really stuck with me because she said the N word without consideration or anything. When she said it, I kind of backtracked for a moment. I was just like “wow you said that”, I really want to raise my hand and call her out on her racism but I kind of I left it alone that day. The following day I talked to a couple of friends about it as I think u should do. I send her an email and she kind of replied with “I’ve been teaching African-American literature for 25 years, I understand the plight that you’ve gone through and the historical significance that the word carries”. It was the academic equivalent of a white person saying “I have a black friend, I have the credence to say the word because I know what I’m talking about”.

But you don’t. That was an instance of Institutional Racism that had to confront. I felt this is not something that Black people should take sitting down. You’ve got to call it like it is because if we can’t let them basically walk all over us.

BC: As someone who is interested in teaching and literature, how important do you think your representation is to the community?

PD: I think it’s vitally important. My presence and I feel like other Black people’s presence in the classroom and the treatment we get is not the same as our white classmates even tho we are getting the same education because of the conditioned racism that is underlying within our institution.

It is sad fact to accept that since preschool we are treated differently. The racist ideas of us being disorderly or not paying attention are the reason we are often second rate in the classroom. Unfortunately not every oppressed person who lands a job as a teacher or professor is going to treat the students fairly. They still may follow white supremacist schemata of the institution itself. They probably also have treated Black students with the same disdain and disrespect as their white counterparts have.

So I think it’s not only just representation that matters here, that’s only half of the battle, it’s also about being inclusive in mindset and having

BC: Do you ever feel pressured to act a certain way in a specific instance because of how people perceive of you?

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Patrick Derilus

I grew up mostly in suburban environments, and as I took up writing I grew attached to English and “big words”. I used to think stuff like “The bigger words they use the smarter I am” and I didn’t know that stuff was rooted in white supremacy. As I started examining Black literature I found that a lot of Black authors who conform to solely speaking “standard English,” But despite those Black authors there are still intellectuals like radical activists who confess their strife in their most authentic voice. I used to pride myself on being a good writer, not because I believed I was, but because peers told me I was. I did not challenge the conditioning within my own mind, I conformed to the status quo of what it meant to be a “good writer”. I soon learned that being a good writer is a socially-culturally constructed subjective thing, it’s a construct that’s not real, it doesn’t exist. Being around these folks who you police yourself around them to the point where you don’t even recognize yourself anymore. It’s sad because white supremacy and capitalism brought us here and we were basically forced to adjust. To this shit. Black life is a Life of assimilation. What’s scarier is that some people just don’t make it.

to the media because white supremacy has infiltrated the media.

BC: How does this demonization of Black people or anybody who is not a cis-white-male make you feel?

PD: I think it’s sad, that’s an understatement.

Our capitalist society makes us exploit ourselves. Because we have no control over the oppression and how it is going to manifested so we have to construct ourselves to ward off this continuous distortion of our lived reality. I think it’s just sad that a lot of people believe anything you tell them if you tell them it long enough. I think one counteract we have to state that we are not a monolith. We are not these stereotypes.

By constructing ourselves and how we act against this white supremacy world and I think we can find some form of tranquility from that.

BC: How do you cope with everything that happens?

PD: Most of the time I don’t know how.

You may see me out here doing my thing or whatever but I don’t know a lot of time.

Because while a lot of us are supposedly “Woker” than ever before a lot of us aren’t united in dismantling the problem. It is like we receive the information of oppression and that’s the end of the story. Let’s move on but a lot of us still maintain these mindsets of believing that certain oppressive systems work for us to get by. I think a lot of us just do things when it’s convenient for us but in the end to get freedom some of us are going to die. And some of us are prepared to do so, some of us know that and it is always a battle because some of us are not prepared to give up their privileges for freedom.

BC: How do you think about issues of power and race are represented?

They’re doing their job. I’m not justifying what they’re doing what I mean is that they’re doing exactly what they are supposed to do to uphold white Supremacy. It’s this continual distortion of the Black body. It functions that way is supposed to and that is why we have to challenge their journalism and their approach when they put these articles out. The language that they use to almost sound neutral in their demonization of us. The media supports the fan-base who are mercifully violent toward Black, Brown, Queer, and Trans people. It is important to pay attention

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I know we weren’t meant to be on this earth just to be productive.

There’s more to life than that.

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More to Come.

Mental health in the black community is a very important topic. It is personal to me as well many others out there who suffer from any race-related stress. Feelings and the mind are complex, and racial issues are nuanced and deserve much more attention than they get.

That being said this is only the beginning. This is only the surface.

There will be more to come, and there will be more in depth, specific topics, more people, and more information to share.

You are Beautiful.

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Resources https://www.brown.edu/campus-life/support/counseling-and-psychological-services/index.php?q=coping-race-related-stress http://atlantablackstar.com/2014/01/24/7-little-known-benefits-of-having-melaninrich-skin/ https://advice.shinetext.com/articles/quotes-from-powerful-black-women-all-aboutself-love/ https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/7-moving-quotes-from-dark-skinned-womenwho-are-in-love-with-their-melanin_us_58e519ebe4b06a4cb30e3073 http://upilechisala.com/works/ https://www.theodysseyonline.com/black-people-try https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/Diverse-Communities/African-Americans http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/bipolar-disorder-and-african-americans https://newrepublic.com/article/122378/how-slaverys-legacy-affects-mental-health-black-americans http://ourselvesblack.com/home Claudia Rankine, Citizen Taneisi Coates, Between The World And Me

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