Marriage

How Not To Change Your Spouse

By Angie Lewis

Loving our spouse is giving them the freedom to be who it is they are. When we love without WANTING anything in return, that is when we have accepted our spouse for being who they are, faults and all.

This of course, doesn’t include iniquitous behavior because if anyone is carrying on and regularly doing things in err against spouse or God, they certainly are not being the person they were meant to be. Therefore, this article does not apply to them.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change!

Love is an option; we select the degree of love and what kind of love we will give to our spouse through our actions. Love can sometimes be confusing and misleading, especially if couples are going through trials and tribulations in their marriage and are demanding of one another.

We think that if we could change our spouse, we’ll suddenly be happy and contented with our self. We try and change our spouse because we have stopped accepting them for who they are. Therefore, we cannot seem to love them either.

Pretty soon, we begin to place nasty conditions on the love we give to our spouse. If their faults irritate us bad enough, we might not give ANY love at all. Sound familiar?

With no love left to give to our spouse, we might think we have nothing in common anymore. Who knows, maybe we begin to think we married the wrong person? Suppose the person we met last week at work is better than our spouse? Pretty soon we have brainwashed our self into believing our feelings.

No wonder more than half of all marriages ends in divorce!

How about, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change!

Couples waste so much of their time and energy trying to change each other. But is that really what needs to be done?

Marriage gurus think they have all the answers, and self-help books goat and challenge couples to try and change for each other. But most of these people are divorced too! So, what gives?

How about a little bit of acceptance! It works wonders.

Really, we just need to try and not let those little things bother us. Even some of the bigger things we can detach from. Forgive. Turn the other cheek. Do these things even when you don’t want to! Communicate the issue. Let your spouse know what bothers you, but don’t make it into a tirade.

Don’t scream and yell at them about how bad they are, instead find something positive to say about them. Make them feel good about them self. That’s what works!!

What about, “I’ll scratch your back, if you scratch mine”. This is good in marriage. There is nothing wrong with the “give and take” type rapport with each other. In fact, this is essentially how couples love each other.

No one can ever love completely unconditionally, without demands, bargains or expectations, never. You know why? Because we’re just human, we err, and we have faults. We need to accept that and move on with our life; hopefully that moving on includes our spouse. But we can continue to always do the best we can by being the best we can in the Lord, for our spouses. If we err, let’s admit it and learn from it!

The "give and take" process is a natural occurrence; it is instinctive to do something nice for our spouse because they have done something nice for us. We give and take all day long with most of our interaction in our daily lives; it’s part of life.

Most marriages work in this fashion; it is a good way for marriage to flourish and grow. It keeps couples on their toes as far as remembering to “give” of themselves periodically to their spouse EVEN when they don’t want to. That is love.

Now, there is a big difference when we put ultimatums on the table. Dishing out ultimatums is more of a “nasty conditional love” and is based on selfish thinking and usually stems from one or both spouses harboring resentment. "I'll love you, only if you will stop going out with your friends, etc."

This is not love, but a selfish person trying to get their way through manipulation and ultimatums!

Most marriages can be salvaged. We must stop THINKING we can change our spouse. We just need to try a little bit harder. Trying to let those things go that we can’t do anything about and stop feeling resentful can make a big impact on the marriage.

Allow your spouse the freedom to just BE. Accept your spouse! Love!

Love is created by a person and not just is. Love takes action to accomplish. The value of the love we give to our spouse is based on how we are feeling at any given moment and time. Perhaps we are listening to our feelings to much rather than just loving our spouse!

If we feel resentment or bitterness towards those we love, we'll inevitably love with resentment and bitterness, which is one way we place nasty conditions on our love. "What is generated from our heart comes out in our actions".

Loving someone in the real sense of the word is allowing him or her to be who it is they are. When we learn to play the “give and take” game fairly is when can accept the person we are married to.

Bottom line, accept your spouse for who they are, give to your spouse without wanting anything in return, and it will eventually be given back to you.

This is how to not change your spouse. Acceptance Is LOVE.

Copyright © 2002-2022 Heaven Ministries. All Rights Reserved. www.heavenministries.org ~Angie Lewis >

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God Designed Marriage To Be Permanent

By Angie Lewis

God designed marriage to be permanent. He did not change His own law and allow for divorce! That is ridiculous. Moses changed the law because of people’s hardened hearts! Back in Moses days, husbands were throwing their wives out into the streets where they were being raped, brutally beaten, and sometimes killed.

To help women not be thrown out in the street like animals, Moses felt compelled to enact a new law. The new law was that a man had to write a formal letter of dismissal and go to court to be able to divorce his wife—they could no longer throw their wives out in the street where they were often taken advantage of. (Deuteronomy 24: 1-4) This new law deterred husbands from divorcing their wives.

Now, let’s go back to the beginning for a moment. God joined two people (male and female) together intimately into one flesh, which creates the union of marriage between a man and a wife. No one and nothing can separate what God joined together. God states, “let man not separate”.

“…So, they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man NOT separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

But the Pharisees were trying to trick Jesus. The Pharisees were always trying to trick Jesus throughout the scriptures (New Testament). They were puzzled because God said that a man could not separate what He joined together, and yet here was a man called Moses permitting men to divorce their wives. He was separating them.

“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away? (Matthew 19:7)

He saith unto them, “Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery, and whoso marries her, which is put away does commit adultery. (Matthew 19:8-9)

The exception clause is not talking about two married people but two betrothed people. Jesus was talking to the Jews who believed in being betrothed before getting married, which was done for various reasons but usually so the "soon to be husband" could provide for his wife and family. The above scripture is referring to unmarried people that were only betrothed and not actually married. "Fornication" is having sex between two unmarried people. If they were really married rather than betrothed, it would read, "except it be for adultery".

But if the unbelieving departs, let him depart. A brother or sister in not under bondage in such cases: But God has called us to peace. (1

Corinthians 7:15)

Do not misread the above scripture. It does not say you can remarry. It only says, “not under bondage”. What can you do if the unbeliever wants to leave the marriage? All you can do is let them leave to "keep the peace" as scripture says. It merely says it is ok to let the unbeliever leave the marriage if that is what they want to do. It does not say to get a divorce or to remarry anyone else ever! There is no remarriage in scripture.

To the married I give this command (not I but the Lord): A wife must NOT separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must NOT divorce his wife. (1

Corinthians 7:10-11) Marriage Is Permanent!

God wants married couples to stop looking for reasons to leave marriage. He wants us to concentrate on how to stay together. Marriage is until death parts you from one another. But if your spouse is so spiritually sick with a hardened heart, you certainly can’t stop them from divorcing you.

Although divorce seems legal in the eyes of man, because Moses permitted it, in God’s eyes couples are still married until death of either spouse. Therefore, God says remarriage, if one spouse is still alive, is committing adultery.

For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband if he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she married another man while her husband is alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she married another man. (Romans 7:2-3)

Copyright 2022 Heaven Minis-

tries ~ Angie Lewis >

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