Archive: Pembroke Street Christmas 2007

Pembroke Street Christmas Edition 2007

Pembroke Street Christmas Edition 2007 Editor’s Note Hello all.

Pembroke Street is truly a harsh mistress, but my first edition was tamed not by my own efforts. It was rather the truly fantastic response I have received from those wishing to contribute this term. Our editors have surpassed themselves in refining for your perusal the very essence of the term’s arts, sport and music events. Every facet of college life has been ransacked by the keen wits and ready pens of the Pembroke journalistic and literary stable.

With a new intake assimilated and Pembroke-ified, the freshers are out in force, giving us hard talk on formal issues alongside soft toffee at the Varsity. A tentative prod has been made towards the world of haute couture, while George Towers’ elite connoisseurial team have drunk deep at the well of Cambridge culinary opportunities and regurgitated the results for you. Comment sits alongside review, recipe snuggles up to rowing, as Pembroke retires for a well-earned break.

I urge you to appreciate the fantastic results on those long trips back to home and hibernation. A very merry November Christmas to you all, and thank you to everyone who has worked so hard to create write another top-notch Pembroke Street.

Will Pinkney

Pembroke Street Christmas Edition 2007 Pembroke Street

Contents

p4 Halloween Comment p5 TheTrauma of Remembering Names p6 High Society p7 Freshers’ Week p8 The Law Ball p10 Pembroke Players p11 The Shaft of Darkness p12 Review: Love’s Labours Lost p14 ‘The Gentle Art’: Whistler at the Fitz p16 Breaking the Mould? p18 Pembroke Fashion p20 Review: The Varsity p21 Winter Warmers p22 The Pembroke Leavers’ Group p24 Sports Roundup p26 Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn about...

Many thanks to: Jessie Savage-Hanford George Towers Dave Rant Emily Burns Alexandra Piletska Emily Andrews Katherine McDonald Becca Smith

Greg Buchanan Katie Anderson Will McAdam Nick Harding Olivia Dobell Sophie Reece-Trapp Tessa Montague Josh Karton

Tara Patel Anna Bruckland Ed Taylor Nick Harding Simon Allen Rachel Walden Heather Nesbit Kate Poston

Comment

Will McAdam considers the Halloween Formal controversy

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Whichever side of the comma you fall, Hallowe’en Formal is one Pembroke event we are not likely to forget; and if we do, we shall soon be reminded of it by the College authorities.

All students present acknowledge the unacceptable conduct towards the College’s dedicated and tolerant catering staff. Trough after trough, formal after formal they are polite, efficient and professional.Yet, if I dare insert another literary allusion, Hallowe’en formal struck many as a Twelfth Night scenario, where, for one night, the conventions, formalities and rules were turned upside down. At an institution such as Cambridge, where the academic pressures are fierce and incessant, it seems that a night like Hallowe’en Formal is not such a bad thing. And judging by the initial relaxed reaction of the Fellows present, it appeared that they might agree too.

Of course, it should have stopped when one of them requested that we restrain ourselves. We didn’t, and many students’ bank accounts have suffered the consequences, albeit at discount prices. The Cambridge Student’s headline “Blood and Vomit at Halloween Hall” did nothing to quell the College authorities’ ire. But it also did not fully represent both what had happened, and the reaction of the student body. As the honesty discounts prove, students here are grown up enough to own up when they have done something wrong. However, the publication of such a story in TCS ensured the continuation of punishment.

The College’s other response of restricting seating capacity to 50 students per night is irritating but fair; they could have gone much further. The restriction of alcohol consumption was a very real possibility. However, they rightly recognised, and continue to recognise our status as intelligent young adults; not to mention the potential problems such a restriction would entail. Although there is a growing trend of excessive drinking in general across the UK, it would be foolish to suggest that alcohol con-

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sumption has only recently become a contentious issue. Not only did Pembrokian, William Pitt the Younger pass his exams without sitting any, due to ill health, he was also prescribed brandy as medicine. Needless to say he took full advantage of this quite inspired medical advice. And I refuse to believe that students of the swinging sixties and seventies were prudes when it came to booze. The academic pressures are just as high now as they were in Pitt and Oddie’s respective days and we deserve the right to go out and enjoy ourselves. If that means having one (or two) too many once in a while, then so be it.

College should only become involved when the College is affected - damaged property, missing essays, vomit on the bowling green. Hallowe’en formal was one such incident. However, it was an incident which some students immediately apologised for and the rest soon followed, in an adult manner. Everyone is capable of making mistakes, but only a few are able to own up and face the consequences.

Those high up in the College should feel privileged that most of those few appear to be members of Pembroke. Nonetheless, TCS’s coverage of that fateful night was the final straw for a College which is becoming increasingly concerned about it academic prestige and overall status. Unfortunately for the authorities of Pembroke the notion of a free press is still alive and

kicking in Britain. Fortunately for the students of Pembroke, so is the notion of forgive and forget. Now that the student body has sought forgiveness, maybe the College can forget.

Emily Andrews on the trauma of remembering names…

Surveying the room after the Dean’s Tea Party, I must confess I felt some sort of complacency mixed in with my nerves, and I suspect I was not the only one who thought that the number of people was not unmanageable and that I would probably know all their names by the end of Freshers’ Week. How is it, then, that at dinner on Thursday of week seven – or was it week eight? – I ended up talking to a boy who didn’t know my name and, better yet, reassuring him that I wouldn’t have known his name either if he hadn’t been ‘famous’ for being half of one of the already formed couples in our year? Most freshers have come to the conclusion that it is ‘far too late to ask’ if they don’t know a name, a fine example of social awkwardness being avoided at all costs! If only there was some way of subtly researching that didn’t involve trawling through Facebook, looking for that unfamiliar face… I know of more than one person who seized on the matriculation photograph, with handy names (even with surnames!) printed underneath, as such a device.

But wasn’t there just such a helpful guide on the wall outside the JP in the first week?

On the first afternoon, perhaps, people were most concerned to find that the less-thancatwalk-quality photograph they had submitted, unawares, was now being used for everyone to identify them, but the poster’s useful potential quickly became clear. I have to admit that it perhaps did not help me make the best impression on a certain Tom Bond who, after only his most half-hearted attempt, managed to convince me that the Princess of Honolulu genuinely was in our year. I blame it on first day anxiety, as I find it hard to believe that all the other freshers

5 who I overheard sincerely debating the probability of our having royalty in our midst can really be so gullible most of the time. My favourite was someone’s speculation over whether Honolulu was an actual country – a clear reminder that Pembroke does not house any geographers. After this perplexing question was clearly and finally resolved at the welcome meeting of the JPC, however, there was nothing not to love about that poster. We became masters of the nonchalant stroll towards it followed by a similarly dispassionate glance at the faces, although this all too often became a frantic search which gave way to internal strife, trying to decide whether that girl with the dark hair could have been the now less-dark haired girl you were just chatting with in trough.

It was a horrifying, even apocalyptic moment, then, when the beloved poster vanished at the end of Freshers’ Week. Not only did its disappearance deprive us of any way to avoid asking that embarrassing question, but also it strongly suggested that we should already know everyone’s names! This was a far cry from the experiences of some of my friends at other colleges, whose own copies of permanent printed out sheets of names and photos had been carefully annotated or pinned to their notice boards for me to gaze at in envy. “Well,” I replied defensively, and not a little haughtily, when they remarked with astonishment upon my lack of such a pamphlet, “perhaps we at Pembroke are better at remembering names. Besides, you didn’t see the Princess of Honolulu in your common room last night!”

High Society

BeccaSmith offers her the societies swing but also to create their own- I refer chiefly here to the creators of perspective

Entering the hall at Kelsey Kerridge anticipation overwhelms you; you look out over the snake-like line of students winding between row upon row of stalls and forget the council proffered to you by older and wiser heads that signing up to everything will get you nothing but a full inbox and a feeling of inadequacy that you’ve missed yet another meeting of the koi carp appreciation society or some other deathly important social event. Instead you sign away with gay abandon confident that for you it will be different - your life will be so well balanced that by the end of the year you will not only captain the polo team, have been to every rugby match and have learnt conversational French you will also have a first and a full circle of friends.

Reality - or sanity- returns with a bump when the invitations start to arrive in your in- box. What?! you think in dismay, I can’t go to that. We’ve got the bop/ Ceilidh/ pub crawl. Having missed the first meet and greet makes it that much harder to turn up to the next one plus you now have the added bonus of actual work to do and you find that its hard enough balancing it with being able to leave your room once in a while let alone make it out to swing dancing on a Wednesday. So here’s what I suggest: why not hold all the squashed and trials and sign ups the week AFTER freshers’ week when we’re less disorientated and not deluged with other activities? The societies would get more members and freshers would get a chance to properly join more things - it’s win-win!

Within Pembroke however there are those who not only managed to get into

Mansoc - that bastion of testosterone and alcohol, and The Tea and Cake Appreciation society home of cheesecake and formalwear.

First to tea and cake: here you can drink tea - several varieties are usually available and eat cake in a civilised and well dressed atmosphere every Sunday surrounded by your peers and feeling pleasantly British. Ladies wear dresses and gentlemen must attend in full dress regalia or be barred admittance.

The president and creator of this society is Emily Hockley, seconded by a very able team of deputies. Meetings are held at the rooms of different members on a rotating basis. It’s a wonderful use of your afternoon and way to meet new people.

Mansoc on the other hand, if you don’t know - though I imagine most do - is the formal body for boys to drink and meet girls from other colleges. Unsurprisingly boys only, this is a chance to socialise outside the Pembroke bubble and provides a nice tour of the Cambridge colleges - and their inhabitants! Formal swaps seem ostensibly to be their main activity and they claim to be a drinking society but we have heard rumours about initiation ceremonies and manly events… With membership high already and the infamous Tom Bond at the helm, we imagine this is one society that is going to provide a lot of interesting

conversational topics over the next few years (not to mention potentially incriminating pictures) and seems set to become the symbol of Pembroke masculinity. Still hats off to Emily and Tom, long may their legacy continuePembroke is after all very fond of tradition and what better way to make your mark than to start a few new ones?

7 college parents (eccentric and lovely) filled us in on all Katie Anderson my the Cambridge oddities. Words I’d vowed to myself never ‘plodge’, ‘natsci’ and ‘trough,’ were surely only for reminds us of totheuse, inner circle of hardcore Cambridge devotees? Oh, how Not a glimpse of the local nightlife but, as I was soon Freshers’ week naïve. to learn, that was probably for the best.

It revealed something of the nature of freshers’ week angst when 30 students can stumble, three-legged into a pub and Freshers’ week bore the brunt of two years’ expectation when sixth form was wearing thin and uni seemed the holy grail.

Outlandish rebellion, I thought, pure, alcohol-driven debauchery! After a lifetime in a town that made nowhere look buzzing I was open to a week of allnighters. Not so, not so. The Dean’s tea party was a feast of social awkwardness, no one really knowing what to say or whom they were saying it to. I mingled for all I was worth but seemed to make little indent in the packed hall. A far better idea was my escape to someone’s room for cake and audible chat.

Buying friendship with food is so much more enjoyable than feigning interest in what obscure little village someone’s from.

For my first night at uni I was expecting something wild so I was slightly bemused when I was welcomed into my dad’s room with wine and biscuits.

It was a highly civilised affair;

no one bats an eyelid. We were subject to drinking games galore, all happily tied to our partners. Well, I use ‘happily’ loosely. Whilst some pairs inched into each other’s arms, others were blind dates gone wrong. The pub-crawl did its job in getting us double vision but remained weirdly innocent. Being shown round places by a leader (mostly second years as far as I could tell) summoned school trip experiences of ice cream and souvenirs.

Matriculation dinner was the intellectual highpoint of the week by far; My tutor had already endeared himself to me by chatting away about his Persian rugs in pre-dinner drinks when the room had turned stony silent. The food was great, the port flowed (only from left to right though, of course) and there was a gong, what more could I have asked for? Apparently, not to let anyone persuade me that Cindy’s is ever a good idea. Forget hiking up the Andes or deep-sea diving, the Cindy’s queue will sort the men from the boys.

The Stadium rock night heard The Darkness (never a favourite of mine at the best of times) get battered by the resident band but the evening is best remembered, or half-remembered more accurately. The dancing and free love begun here was only a preliminary when compared to the sweaty excesses of the Bop. I’m not sure, in any stretch of the word, that what some people were doing in the middle of the JP could be described as ‘bopping’ but it was dark and we need embarrassing stories to live off the next day.

Freshers’ week was over-hyped, guilty of promising cuisine and delivering jelly sweets. Probably not best helped by the fact there always seemed to be something on at a ridiculously early hour the next day after any event. It was nice to leave behind the standard fire “name, subject, where do you come from?” and the worry that someone else, somewhere else was having a better time than you. The Cambridge nightlife may have not improved after fresher’s week but at least we now have decent friends to bemoan it with.

The virtuous Emily Burns confronts Mammon...

Law Society Annual Ball Newmarket Racecourse As the time came to trundle down to the

coach stop through the cold, rain and darkness. I was oblivious to what I was in for – a dinner-lecture on equity perhaps?

Or maybe a debate of some sort? God Forbid.

On being issued programmes of the night’s events in a bid to amuse us on the coach, I discovered the ball was perhaps more to my taste, with the theme ‘Seven Sins’. I was to experience the base joys of Gluttony (right up my street), Lust (well...), Envy, Wrath, Pride, Sloth and Greed. Arriving, I followed the sound of a furiously playing tin drum band who lured us through a darkened courtyard to the entrance, I wondered how the organisers had pulled off the tricky themes of ‘Envy’, ‘Wrath’, and even ‘Pride’. My musings were halted though by the discovery that not only were other Pembroke second years also attending the ball, but Pembroke dominated the workforce also, on the promise of ‘half the night off’.

I was ushered into a champagne drinks reception to be ‘serenaded’ by a rather loud brass band playing Disney tunes...

I’m sure there was a link to the Seven

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Deadly Sins in there somewhere...perhaps the fact I was obliged to stand there for longer than my stomach would have liked, and thus prompted the feeling of Gluttony. Or was it Wrath? So there I stood, champagne glass in hand, feeling oh so sophisticated, engaged in intense small talk and attempting to avoid the glow of that fluorescent light which manages to accent every individual pore and blemish as well as identify exactly the extent of make-up coverage some girls (and guys !) had resorted to. Having heard my tummy rumbling, the night moved swiftly on to the meal.

We were entertained by a happy happy Mexican band decked out in the largest hats I’ve ever seen, who sang to every table but mine. No offence taken, of course, as I was too absorbed in meeting my Gluttony-limit.

I might explain that the whole event was subsidised by a number of corporate law sponsors, who had sent in groundsmen with a mission to recruit some of the Cambridge creme-dela-creme at the event. Unfortunately, due to the number of non-lawyers, they were often confined to sitting next to people such as my art historian friend, their carefully prepared spiels all in vain.

I began exploring, delight-

9 ed at the prospect of dancing on an LED dance floor to ‘Fat Poppadadys’, attaching myself to the Whiskey and Baileys bar (to ‘inspire and quell my Wrath’ - good save).

But firstly I made a beeline for the Bellini fountain, nabbing chocolatefountain-coated marshmallows on my way. I wandered lonely as a cloud in the direction of the Body Shop stalls which, to my surprise, promptly walked away. Ok, admittedly they didn’t move on their own, but the woman lifting them was obscured by a flower arrangement, and the wine from dinner had blurred my perception somewhat.

I stood haplessly confused as the object of my desire escaped, only to have my Bellini knocked all over me by an aggressive passer-by. So, not only had my now much needed makeover walked away from me, but I was now literally dripping with alcohol. I consoled myself that at least the encounter had not been with red wine, and smugly noted that they hadn’t even provided me with a proper Bellini anyway – it’s supposed to have peach in it, not raspberry. Honestly.

For the remainder of the night I humoured myself watching the faces being pulled by those having massages, taking a shot through a giant ice sculpture, avoiding the chance for a professional photograph, losing my boyfriend to the casino for an hour, sipping a smoothie while watching Alcock Improv and marvelling at the mellow voice of a jazz

quartet singer.

The highlight of my night, and yes I am a pervert, was the burlesque routine by a certain Honeyb’lush.

She bravely strutted her stuff at three intervals that night as an example of Lust, and having missed the first two shows, I was determined to see the display before I left. Finally, my wishes were answered and she commenced her routine. Good points: it ended with suspenders and nipple-tassels. Bad Points: a rather disturbing ‘sex face’.

An excellent night of revelry, despite the building feeling a bit like a hotel, surrounded by a no-man’s-land of white walls and expanses of carpet. At 2:15 I collected my farewell treat of a bacon buttie and croissant, contentedly munching all the way home. I believed that I had met the demands of sinful indulgence, before a friend informed me the next day that when she had begun changing, a selection of brightly coloured casino chips fell out of her dress, while a different person consumed eight bacon butties on the journey home, and another boasted a fair selection of professional photographs of herself... I’ll try harder next time.

Arts

Introducing:

“This is not just drama…this is Pembroke Players drama”

You may have received our term card lovingly placed in your pigeon holes, signed up for our internet mailing list, seen or perhaps already starred in one of our many productions, maybe even applied to direct one of our shows…but…just in case… (and this I address to all Pembroke freshers) I will once again reiterate the fantastic opportunities on offer from the whirlwind theatrical force that is the “Pembroke Players”.

The Pembroke Players are your college drama society, one of the richest, oldest and most successful that Cambridge has to offer. Founded over fifty years ago as a means for Pembroke men to meet female undergrads from other colleges, it has since widely flourished with a proliferation of theatrical talent, including: Eric Idle, Peter Cooke, Bill Oddie and Tim Brooke-Taylor.

Every term, the Pembroke Players opens up applications to direct in ANY Cambridge theatre venue, from the ADC, to the Corpus Playroom and our own Pembroke New Cellars. This is an opportunity for new theatre enthusiasts to stage plays they’re either greatly interested by or which they’ve written themselves (we’re very keen to promote, and indeed hold annual competitions for, new writing). We have even staged shows in the Round Church (as with last year’s production of “The Changeling”) as well as in our own lavish Bowling green during May Week. The Pembroke Players also personally fund each artistic endeavour. We have even taken shows on tour, not just to the Edinburgh Fringe, but also to Germany, and, most recently, to Japan. Some of you may still remember in the drunken haze that was Freshers’ Week, that the Pembroke Players production of “Romeo & Juliet” was being staged in the New Cellars, fresh from its run in venues around Tokyo, Wakayama and Kochi.

As a drama society, we are also responsible for the Christmas Panto, as well as the “sticky floor” and (the more elegant) “black tie” comedy smokers. We even have our own charity (“Pembroke House”) and provide various theatre grants (such as our “Peter Cook Fund”) for aspiring actors and directors. Such aspects of the theatre group are unique to the Pembroke Players, making us unlike any other collegebased drama society.

So, now that you’ve been properly introduced, keep an open eye for any theatrical opportunities, or indeed, just great comedy or theatre-based evenings that will be coming your way in the very near future. In fact, why don’t you just visit our website at www.pembrokeplayers.org and see what we can offer you?

Jessica Savage-Hanford Artistic Director of the Pembroke Players

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The Shaft of Darkness...

Recently (actually, “last night” at the time of writing, but “recently” by the time you’re reading this) I attended my first black-tie dinner with the Shaft of Darkness Club. This ridiculously-named group (I have it on good authority that it sounds like…well…an evil penis) is the semi-secret theatre techie society, founded thirty-eight years ago on the basis that the techies do all the work but the actors go to all the good parties.

They’ve definitely righted that imbalance, I have to sayI had an excellent time. What I find particularly enjoyable at any occasion of this kind (apart from the port, of which there was plenty) are all the little traditions. I felt a tipsy glee at the Cambridge-ness of having to toast the Queen, and at the oldfashioned atmosphere suddenly conjured up in New Hall’s dining room as the gentlemen toasted the ladies. When our turn came to toast the gentlemen, however, the chorus of voices was considerably quieter. Why? Girls were outnumbered at least three to one by the guys. Suddenly it occurred to me why an acquaintance of mine had described FAME as a very “female” show: on the basis that the gender balance was exactly 50-50.

Now, I know what you’re going to say – all those wires and lanterns? Staying up from 12am to 9am on a Sunday rigging

lights? Not at all an inviting prospect-I would agree with you there. But sound and lighting (both of which you can apparently learn here, but seem to be weirdly dominated at the ADC by people who went to a school with its own theatre) are not the end of the story.

Costume Design, for example, would get you a place in the SoD – even the head of the society at the moment is mainly a costume designer. But even this rather depends on your knowing how to sew. My personal specialism – Stage Management – is definitely the way to go if you love the backstage atmosphere but have no particular skills to work with (this is why I got into it). Minimal commitment (just the week of the show and perhaps a meeting the week before) and maximum contact with that beautiful actor you’ve been trying to get near for weeks.

It’s still a male-dominated area, but there’s no real reason why it should be. You might also argue that the techie men are not an attractive prospect. You would be right about the majority, but there’s so many of them – you may just get lucky.

Start small and give it a go for the Pembroke Players’ Freshers’ Panto at the end of term – we’re always looking for people to help out backstage at our shows in the New Cellars as well as our shows elsewhere. If you enjoy the buzz of being part of a performance, you’ll have a great time, and if you’re female, you might just be doing your bit to end male ‘techie’ domination in Cambridge theatre.

Anyone interested in learning more about lighting, sound or other technical roles, contact Elliott Ward, Technical Director of the Pembroke Players.

Katherine McDonald

Labours Lost Review: Love’s New Cellars Pembroke Players 20-24 Nov

At the dawn of the new millennium, Kenneth Brannagh released the first feature-film version of Shakespeare’s comedy Love’s Labours Lost. He cut down upon much of the text to reduce the role of lower class characters, he updated the setting of the play to take place in a nostalgic 1930s with music and costumes to evoke the period, and the whole debacle was utterly panned by virtually all critics. It was a failure.

You would be forgiven for thinking that the recent production of the same play by the Pembroke Players would

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achieve the same reception – its director, Mark Savignac, made very similar creative choices on paper. The original story was about a King (Thomas Halliday) and his companions Berowne (Dominic Horsfall), Longaville (Martin Lugton), and Dumaine (Axel Rendahl), who all take an oath to be at study for three years without the presence of women. The arrival of a Princess (Sophie Reece-Trapp) and her own ladies – Maria (Klara Kronbergs), Katharine (Hannah Brooks) and Rosaline (Lizzy Tyler) – along with a Lord, Boyet (played by director and composer Mark Savignac), severely scuppers this plan and in the ensuing comedy all four scholars fall in love with the visiting ladies.

In this version, the script has been cut down to remove virtually all subplots, with the effect of leaving some characters – most especially Armado (Giles Reger) – without any great relevance to the rest of what is being presented on-stage, and some storylines that never really go anywhere. The play now takes place in the 1980s – whilst Kenneth Brannagh used the 30s to foreshadow the dawn of the Second World War, here Savignac uses the period to explore that time when Pembroke College first admitted women and, we are led to believe, the previously wet scholars of our institution transformed to meet a new age. The King himself casts away his matriculation gown off-stage to re-emerge as a Thomas Halliday best described visually as a cross between David Tennant’s Doctor Who and a member of the gang from Grease the Musical. And, the last question remains, was it a failure like the film that preceded it? The answer is categorically no.

This is not to say that there are not problems with the production that could have been solved before the play’s five day run. As mentioned, the cutting of the script left some storylines without feet to stand on. The subplot of Armado, Moth (Zami Hlwatika) and Jacquenetta (producer and production designer Kate Poston) felt entirely random. As the play did not really hit its stride until the male actors met their female counterparts and such talented chemistry as that between Dominic Horsfall and Lizzy Tyler had a chance to shine, the abysmal concentration of the early fifth upon a storyline whose resolution had been entirely cut made little sense. This is not

to belittle the actors involved – although projection was a problem at times for Giles Reger, speaking at the pace and volume required of a large theatre-space rather than a relatively small and silent room, all three performed decently enough. But with virtually no resolution to this plot, the questions it raises are ultimately left dangling.

The actual staging of the play and creative decisions made by Savignac, Poston and technical director Eddy Flower are probably its best assets The positioning of the male courtiers in one scene where they hide from one another with secret love letters is amusing; the use of teenage-mutant ninja-turtle costumes inspired; a shirt with a scribbled sketch of a love hilarious; and a lighting change at the very end burning with pathos. Although the play is a little over four hundred years old, the ending will not be spoilt in this review – but suffice it to say, the play takes a sharp turn a little after the interval from farcical comedy to bittersweet tragedy in the blink of an eye.

And this change is handled masterfully, both by the production team and the actors themselves. The only incongruity is the re-appearance of Armado with his comic voice, completely ill-fitting the change in mood, but once more this is a fault of the script’s imprecise abridgement rather than the actor himself.

From the skilful guitar compositions of Mark Savignac to accompany the actors or the quiet words of Sophie Reece-Trapp at the play’s conclusion, fully effecting a feeling of despondent death, this production ramps into professionalism at this end. Although by turns funny in its comedic parts, both Savignac and, truth be told at risk of offending Shakespeare’s idolaters, the bard himself seem to excel far more at tragedy than they do at comedy – not to belittle their achievements in that genre, but to raise up their victories in the former. Mortality and growing up seems to change everything here, and all the bright colours of the eighties are muted; no longer do we hear such tunes as Billy Jeans but slow and strong melodies; and with a hanging question of whether our lovers will reunite, we are left as an audience with a reflection upon our coming lives. Love’s Labours Lost is a decently performed production, and a play whose host of promising fresher talent – both acting and directing – deserves watching across the Cambridge theatrical scene.

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‘The Gentle Art’ Friends and strangers in Whistler’s prints For its latest exhibition in the Charrington Print Room, the Fitzwilliam Museum has brought out of storage an impressive selection of etchings, drypoints and lithographs by James Abbot McNeill Whistler (1834-1903).

This ensemble of around forty prints by the American artist is primarily figurative and comprises the first of a two-part survey of the Fitzwilliam’s collection of Whistler prints, the second of which will focus mainly on the urban landscape. Though a small exhibition, this selection of prints is a remarkable display of the talent and sensitivity of the artist, while at the same time it is revealing of a rather volatile personality.

The exhibition begins with a series of prints that Whistler referred to as the ‘French Set’, though they were published as Twelve Etchings after Nature in Paris in 1858. These include carefully observed figure studies; often focusing on capturing the character and naturalistic details of old and working-class women, the impression made more forceful by isolating the figure on a blank page, perhaps including only shadow to add a sense of weight. Other prints depict figures set in shadowy and atmospheric interiors, either preoccupied with daily chores or perhaps gazing out of a window, suggesting

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the influence of the realism fashionable in France at the time. Close attention to detail and atmospheric effects lends these prints a solemnity that is quite absorbing.

In the ‘Friends and Family’ section there are many intimate images of Whistler’s half-sister Deborah and her family, as well as those of his mistress and artist friends.

These figures well-known to Whistler are often shown at rest, reading in living rooms or walking in gardens. Also included is a beautiful scene of figures ambiguously set in a dark doorway over a canal in Amsterdam and a photographic recreation of Whistler’s simple but wonderfully evocative print of the Long Lagoon in Venice. The accompanying text points out where Whistler experimented with different techniques in the printing method, the inking of the plate, or even the choice of paper. By placing two states of the same image next to one another we are made to appreciate how significant differences in atmosphere and form can be

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affected through seemingly small alterations in production.

Whistler’s adoption of drawing in drypoint, the effects of which he described as ‘painter-like and beautiful’, can be seen in several prints, including a brilliantly charismatic portrait of the sculptor Charles Drouet. Similarly the lithographs produced in the late 1880s and 90s show Whistler’s appreciation of the technique that was being taken up again by French artists such Degas and Corot, and produce spontaneous but touchingly sensitive depictions of family and friends.

The section of the exhibition entitled ‘Making Enemies’ is an entertaining illustration of Whistler’s tendency to fall out with friends or to bear grudges against those

who criticized his work, referring to them as ‘enemies’. We are shown pamphlets that Whistler produced to accompany his exhibitions in which he printed the criticism of his work but included his own derogative comments on the critics themselves in the margin. Also displayed is a pamphlet in which Whistler attacks John Ruskin for his criticism of one of Whistler’s ‘Nocturnes’, and typically Whistler alters his butterfly monogram at the end to include a stinging tail as a mark of his feelings.

The Fitzwilliam has produced interesting and informative supporting text and there are clear definitions of printing vocabulary and descriptions of the different techniques. The prints have been meticulously mounted and framed, except where they are deliberately widely framed to display Whistler’s treatment of the paper. Though the pine frames used are far removed from the colour painted frames that Whistler often used, in an opening talk the curator indicated a desire to make a reconstruction of at least one of Whistler’s frames for the next exhibition, funds providing.

With entrance to the exhibition free as usual, and the scale small and approachable, this is an exhibition you can visit again and again, always deriving greater enjoyment and picking up on details previously overlooked. It certainly leaves us in eager anticipation of the second part which will open next autumn.

Olivia Dobell

Music

Breaking the Mould?

For anyone wanting a different night out in Cambridge, there’s never far to look – but somehow we always manage to settle into a routine… why? Let a psychologist answer that one with you reclined on a couch for a measly £200 per session, in the mean time just let this article give you some of Cambridge’s alt. nights on offer, where to look for them & why they can beat the living crap out of any talentless Rumboogie DJ! The Junction Fiver: This showcase gig night for local bands was formed following the success of UEA’s ‘Meltdown Live’ nights back in 2004. Each month, 5 bands from the local area rock up to play on the Junction’s big stage with some of the best sound & light techies in Cambridge to give them a hand. It’s only £5, & the bands are getting better and better. The nights sometimes feature genre-themes, with Indie Heaven having been a big success (featuring Cambridge-based CaiMbo). Recent listings have included Hot Bang, who won Best Local Band 2007 in July, & August saw the delights of Big 10 & The Cougars gracing the stage. Be up for an interesting night of music, be up for listening to new things – head down to the Junction, you’ll love it!

Clare Cellars:

What a term it’s been for Clare. Friday night now has an awesome variety thanks to this year’s Ents team. DJ Format, Quemists, Fat Poppadaddy’s, Flow Dynamics & many more make this a brilliant night to dance the weekend in to. This Friday Cambridge’s own The Nextmen are playing – it should be a fantastic night, turn up and reeelax!

The Stripe:

The name for Junction’s #1 stage, this hosts a plethora of good gigs in Cambridge. Check thejunction.co.uk for dates, but name-dropping would have to include an acoustic session by rock’n’folk odyssey Ocean Colour Scene, the cult New Model Army, “fuckin’ serweet” INME, the shimmering, bittersweet country-tinged waltz-time laments of “Willie Nelson meets Walt Disney” by Cherry Ghost, ska legends Bad Manners, the absolutely mental Hayseed Dixie, 2-tone vibes with The (International) Beat, the beautiful Kate Walsh, blues-rock guitar virtuoso Joe Bonamassa & synth-pop father Gary Numan. I’ll see you there!

Barfly @ The Graduate:

Member of IndieSoc? Like kids in tight fitting drainpipe jeans? Barfly’s your place to be. With everything from awesome PubGoo DJ nights (better than a Fez night, hands down) including music

by The Arctic Monkeys, Larrikin Love, Giant Drag, The Young Knives, Foals, The Whip and many more, alongside DJ appearances from Young and Lost Club’s Pyrrha Girls & The Futureheads, who could want more? Check clubgoo.co.uk for details.

Keeping a tab on the barfly’s listings online is possibly one of the best things you can do while at Cambridge – Joe Lean & The Jing Jang Jong, Nine Black Alps, Art Brut & The Zico Chain are all heading our

The Portland Arms:

Host of many a RockSoc night (not to be confused with IndieSoc, you’ll definitely be in for a surprise if you turn up thinking that), the Portland Arms is an absolute legendary venue, with U2 labelmates /C/O/R/D/ playing there earlier this year. The monthly comedy club is a decent night out too.

These are just a couple of the venues available in Cambridge, there are many more – go explore! There’s so much talent about that it’s actually hard to fit it all in! Even if you can’t live without your Wednesday fix of cheese, sweaty geeks dancing like twats & a cold walk to the Van, still give this lot a try – you might just find you like it!

Participation Prerequisite That time of year has come again, it’s the end of Michaelmas term & we all need to have a sit down before Christmas –you freshers have lived up to par ‘n absolutely packed Cindy’s after all! However, I live in hope there’s something a little more to the music scene in the ‘bridge than just the weekly drunken grope-fest. Freshers week last year gave me the everlasting description – “it’s like marmite!”

I wasn’t sure how… possibly because you’ll love it or hate it, or actually because they’re just as sticky, or in fact that they both contain a good measure of yeast - I’ll let you decide for yourselves. There’s one thing that I am certain of however; too much of either will do you no good – go on, have marmalade on your toast for once.

The past year of trying to highlight/moan all about the many other options there are in Cambridge, to the oh-so easy way of slipping into a monotonous weekly routine, has been brilliant! I hope this edition helps give you freshers a taste of what else is out there to try next term, and to reinforce to all you oldies how diverse the alternative music scene both in college & in Cambridge really is!

Enjoy xXx

Dave Rant

Pembroke Fashion

“Let’s not stand on formalities...” New takes on that little black gown

“Wearing a Gown doth make me frown” sighed Countess de St Pol, whose ratings had, since adorning the ungainly crow-like garment, slipped lower than Homerton in the Tompkins Table of Sex Appeal. So in true 14th Century fashion, she brought forth a velvet pin cushion, pulled a small silken button from her bodice and deftly sewed the accessory onto the flaccid sleeve of her college Gown (she definitely owned one- we’ve seen the drunken Facebook pics). Oh, that Tessa Montague and Sophie Agnes Reece-Trapp had been her maids in waiting, for the Krayzee Krüü are the Viviennes and Westwoods of the Gown world.

Now it’s your turn to unleash the revolutionary fashionista Countess de St Pol in you. We’ll take your Gown to another dimension (pay close attention):

Model 1: Pâtes dans un vent puissant The Gong has sounded, the diners have arisen and the Fellows enter. Suddenly, the wooden doors of the Pembroke Hall fly open to reveal a tall figure wearing a pink Argos cycling helmet & a shredded gown in the harsh wind a blowing. You are John Wayne, Pembroke College is your Wild West and the Krayzee Krüü do not take any responsibility for any possibly injury resulting from the Fusion of paper shredder and Gown.

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Model 2: Invisibility Cloak Nobody talks to, sits next to, or interacts in any way with the Krayzee Krüü when we wear our Gowns over our heads. Merlin’s beard, that’s Magic!

19 Model 3: Subject Gowns Let us tempt you into purchasing the Linguist’s Gown, fashioned from soft, flannelly material, designed with the understandably distressing transition from bed to afternoon lecture in mind. Or the NatSci model, available in grubby shades of white, complete with horn-rimmed perspex spex (think Agatha from ‘The Worst Witch’) and fabric calculator (see it to believe it).

The Krayzee Krüü would advertise the Philosopher’s Gown if its existence were not currently at the centre of a controversial debate.

Model 4: Spandex Gown (left) Especially designed for an early morning trip to the Cam, this stretchy bit of black magic is designed to accentuate not only your toned physique but each and every one of your internal organs. You might leave a lot to be desired in the looks department, but when push goes to shove, the Krayzee Krüü would go for a well proportioned spleen over symmetrical facial features any day.

Merry Christmas one and all, Get your freaky (Gowns) on with us at Formal Hall!

Model 5: Quasar Gown Bonus points for zapping Kit Smart (who would, of course, be equipped with a feline-sized Quasar Gown and gun).

Overexposure to laser rays might even mess with his antisocial little cat brain.

The Krayzee Krüü (Sophie Agnes ReeceTrapp & Tessa Montague)

Food Alexandra Piletska ‘goes up’ to The Varsity Restaurant

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With a name like ‘Varsity’ you might expect the restaurant in question to serve traditional British food, whether the word conjures up images of sweaty boat races or serious academics. In fact it misleadingly specialises in Greek Cypriot dishes, which may seem a quirky choice for such a demurely decorated, classy establishment, that’s as removed from a rowdy Greek taverna as crumpets.

The surrounding and setting lends itself to wining and dining, however the mood is almost entirely destroyed by their choice of music. In an attempt to be as ‘Greek’ as possible, rather than soft, background music or perhaps some light jazz, a stream of ‘Top 40’ Greek hits is pumped through the building. What this boils down to is the Greek version of the Spice Girls remixed and definitely unpalatable. While giving it a more Mediterranean feel, it seems a little forced and unnecessary – the rich menu full of the likes of Moussaka and kebabs is fully capable of carrying the Greek element of the restaurant on its own back.

The quality of service was mixed. While the waiter who first led us into the restaurant was polite and friendly, the waitress who took our order was surly and unhelpful. Her Russian accent was authentically Greek Cypriot enough to fool the Japanese tourists into thinking they had stumbled on the real deal. However, despite her attitude she was prim and efficient, serving us quickly and bringing drinks and cutlery straight away and we hastened on to peruse the menu.

The drinks were a revelation; the orange juice was served most extravagantly in a large wine glass with ice and a slice of real orange. Unfortunately, the peppermint tea was far too strong, lukewarm and too small a serving to justify the price. For a

fuller dining experience there was a varied list of seductive wines from all over the world including Spanish Rioja and a cheerful number from Crete. Our drinks sorted we moved on to the main menu; you cannot help notice the condescending sign clearly stating ‘Main course must be served per person’ which seems to imply both that each customer must order a main course and that sharing a main course is not allowed, regardless of how many starters, sides and dessert eaten or how much wine drunk. If you know what eating in restaurants with children is like, no doubt you too are filled with a deep feeling of irritation.

Nevertheless the menu itself was a feast for the imagination, including the staple feta cheese, hummus and taramaslata for starters. The main course options varied enormously, allowing you to choose from fish, steak and kebabs as well as several delightful vegetarian options. Interestingly the beef kebab could be ordered ‘only when available’. In Greece, beef is rare as the terrain favours goats and sheep over cattle; at the Varsity Restaurant, this Greek idiosyncrasy seems to have been overlooked as there was a bounteous supply of steak dishes on the menu.

Our food arrived and looked deliciously messy.

The traditional thinking in Greek Cypriot culi-

21 nary culture is that too much refinement goes against the hearty spirit of the Greek cuisine, and our dishes certainly fulfilled that quota, in the best way possible. My lamb moussaka was amazing and the piping hot, verging-on-sweet taste of the cheese sauce and the succulent lamb blended perfectly into the fresh, crunchy texture of the accompanying Greek salad. The only odd thing about the dish was that the salad came with an obscure mustard dressing, the likes of which I have never come across before. Nevertheless it was delicious and so tempting that I found myself torn between gently making love to it, savouring every mouthful slowly, and wildly ravishing it.

The main fare may have been tasty, but the real treat came with dessert. There was a choice of eight different delicacies to finish off the meal, including the very, very Greek baklava and yoghurt with honey as well as an unusual flavoured cheese-cake, and the classic favourite, ice cream.

I opted for the Toffee Lumpy Bumpy cake, a pudding that I’ve enjoyed before at a Polish restaurant, and wanted to see if Varsity could replicate.

At the Polish restaurant it was the creamiest, smoothest, sweetest dessert I’ve ever had in my short yet dessert-filled life. The fact that Varsity’s effort turned out identical to the one I had before suggests it was almost definitely not home made; however, this does not take anything away from the orgasm-upon-the-lips experience that is the Toffee Lumpy Bumpy, which is in fact a lot more luxurious than the comical name suggests.

Overall the food was delectably hearty yet delicate and the atmosphere was gently romantic without being too intrusive, despite the cheesy foreign music. The not-quite-pleasant attitude of some of the staff was overshadowed by a very kind waiter who offered me a biro when my pen ran out of ink, which perfectly sums up the spirit of the food, and the fundamental attitude of the oldest family-run restaurant in Cambridge. No wonder Stephen Fry likes it.

Winter Warmers With the Christmas break approaching, this is an opportune time for some advice on dealing with two of winter’s deadliest threats: cold, damp weather and conversation with your relations. Fortunately, one cure will suffice to treat both ills: hot and delicious winter drinks.

Winter drinks come in three main categories: mulled wines, coffee-based and tea-based (toddies).

Coffee-based drinks are pretty easy—you take coffee and add liquor and maybe whipped cream — and mulled wines are already well known in most English Christmas kitchens, so I’ll concentrate today on some toddies. Generally, a toddy has four ingredients: hot tea, alcohol, a citrus (usually lemon) and a sweetener (honey or sugar). If you mix those, you’ll always have something tasty and cozy to drink, so experiment a little and make a recipe using your favourite teas and spirits. To get you started, here are recipes for some of my favourite variations...

Russian Toddy This is a great toddy for sitting with the family around a roaring fire and has a similar feel to mulled wine (depending how much vodka you add!). The longer you simmer it, the stronger the flavour will become and the more your house will fill with a lovely scent. Be sure to add the vodka at the end or all the alcohol will boil away • 8 cups water • 5 bags tea (English breakfast or something similarly strong)

• 1 cup sugar • 500 ml orange juice • 250 ml pineapple juice • 3 tbsp lemon juice • 1 tsp whole cloves (optional, but these give it a great flavour) • ½-1 cup vodka (depending on what sort of drinkers your relations are) Bring the water to boil in a saucepan on the stovetop. Once the water is hot, brew the tea, then turn up the heat so that it just starts to boil. Add all of the ingredients except the vodka and simmer gently for half an hour. Then pour in the vodka and enjoy.

Classic Toddy for One This is a strong drink that’s both a relaxer and an eye-opener. Perfect for when you feel frozen but aren’t in the mood for something creamy.

• 1 tbsp honey • strong tea • 2 shots brandy, whisky, or rum (gold rum is the best but any rum will do) • 1 slice lemon Brew tea and fill a tall glass 3/4 full. Mix in honey and liquor and add the lemon slice.

Luxury Toddy A creamy toddy, this one goes down smooth as silk. Perfect for a sleety English evening, it may even relax your mother as she stresses over the Christmas dinner.

• 1 cup tea (Earl Grey or Darjeeling work well; you don’t want something too strong.)

• 2 shots Bailey’s or other Irish Cream • 1 dash whisky (Irish or Canadian whisky work best here; the peat in Scotches doesn’t match as nicely with the Irish Cream. Resist the temptation to add too much whisky; it will overpower the drink.)

Joshua Karton • sugar to taste

Pembroke Leavers’ Group

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Graduating this year? Can’t believe how quick your time at Pembroke has gone by and how great it’s been?

Most of us at some point during our college life have benefited from support from college, be it through sport, music, drama, or student hardship funds. All this requires a lot of money to be kept in place - not many of us know that the college in fact spends £3800 per year on each one of us to subsidise teaching and other costs.

Pembroke Leavers’ Group (PLG) is a group of students graduating this year who raise money to support Pembroke students, in particular those in financial difficulties, and to help fund these college societies. We encourage leaving students to give £5-10 per year over four years to a fund of their choice, either through the endowment or directly into a fund. It is a small gesture, but if all finalists contribute it really does make a big difference. Last year £3735 was raised and over 45% of the year donated.

To ensure that Pembroke remains a vibrant college that is able to accept students irrespective of their background, funds that the PLG is involved with really do need support. Donating to a fund is an opportunity to give back to Pembroke and elements of college life you value.

It will also allow you to keep in touch with those from your year as you will be invited to the Donors’ Garden Party held annually in May Week.

PLG will be sending out letters soon with more information as to when and how you can donate, but if you want to know more about giving please feel free to contact anyone on the Tim Murray committee. Alex Jessop Josie Baum Andy Smith Greg Drott Philip Xiu Mark Copestake Nick Iles Julia Bird Lou Hopkins Alice Powell Nick Harding

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Rugby Cocktails and Queens

The Law Ball

Sports The round-up

Rugby – Simon Allen Pembroke RUFC has had a difficult start to the 2007-8 season: the fluidity of the College league system has meant that the team has come up against some very fine opposition.

Despite recruiting a good batch of very fine fresher talent with the likes of Adams, Murray and Jones, the team have yet to find success. Having said that, there have been some unfortunate results that surely should have gone our way, most notably against Caius and Trinity Hall, where the games were lost in the final minutes of play. However, we made up for our early loss against Tit Hall with a win in the return fixture last Sunday. Both forwards and backs performed to their best ability and we came away with a 28-7 victory. One particularly exciting development this season is the organization of a tour to Rome in early December. Almost the entire squad have signed up to go to Rome for 6 days to play 3 matches against Italian club sides- a bruising few days are in store no doubt!

PCRUFC looks forward to great things in the new term.

Women’s Hockey – Anna Bruckland Pembroke Ladies’ Hockey team has started the season in style, scoring 21 goals and conceding only one to finish top of League 2 this term. A 7-0 victory over Queens last weekend also puts us well on the way towards the Cuppers semi-final, and hopefully beyond. With most of last year’s talent still in Cambridge, and some star performances from our freshersincluding Helen Mackey, the first trained goalkeeper in Pembroke Ladies’ hockey history- it looks set to be a good year, with a definite chance of promotion to the first division.

This term’s goal scorers: Bronwen Derry (11), Josie Baum (4), Kate Cunningham (3), Alice Powell (2), Tara Patel (1).

25 Men’s Hockey – Nick Harding Pembroke Men’s Hockey have enjoyed their most successful term in the past 3 years this Michaelmas - narrowly missing out on promotion on goal difference only.

With promotion happening at the end of every term it is hoped that now a regular team has been established, with a strong influx from the Freshers, promotion in Lent is highly achievable. There has been solid performances put in by all the old hands, but the best performances of the season have been from Freshers Dave House and top goal scorer Mike McLean.

Men’s Football – Ed Taylor Pembroke football lost a lot of key players at the end of last season. Our centre forward and best player Rowlando, both centre midfielders Mike Wilson and Andy Mack and our goalkeeper, Sandy all graduated, making us desperate for a strong fresher intake. Luckily, the admissions board delivered, with two solid midfielders, Moj and the self defined playmaker, Alex Estorick, as well as centre forward Rob Jones; last year’s second team goalie Ali Bates has stepped into Sandy’s shoes between the posts. The season started poorly with a crushing defeat in a friendly against Downing, undoubtedly the strongest side in the league, however we had a few nice plays and a great goal from Alex, so we were not too disheartened. A week later the league began and in our first game against kings we took a 2-0 lead but lost concentration in the second half and had to settle for the draw. The next two games were lost due to similar poor periods by the defence at the beginning of the second half. With two games left before the Christmas break we knew we needed 6 points to keep the promotion dream alive. The first was against Sidney Sussex, a team who was relegated from the 1st division last year.

After a good training session and a formation re-shuffle, we took the game 6-4 with a goal from Tim Murray, two from Rich Greenberg and a hat-trick for myself. Next week we play Long Road 6th form college, a team who have been very strong in the past but have started the season poorly. Another 3 points in that game and we will go into the second half of the season heads held high.

Women’s Football – Tara Patel Having lost a few sporting legends last year, Pembroke Ladies Football Team (aka Pembroke’s Most Successful Sports Team 2007) has luckily been replenished with a selection of fresh faces and new talent. The season so far has been somewhat varied with a number of one-sided games. Despite a hopeful start with our victory over Homerton (3-0), the season then took a turn for the worse.

We took a beating from Girton (4-0), before enduring the long and degrading cycle home. The following week saw Pembroke receive its annual spanking from Jesus (College, Cambridge) as their “ladies” thrashed us (7-0), kicking us out of Cuppers in round 1. We were gutted and had obviously been robbed. A bout of injuries (and maybe some fear and shame) led us to concede the following league match, again against Jesus. We may have been injured but we had the last laugh; conceding such a difficult match is a great means of minimising goal difference. Keen to win another match, we set off to play Newnham; armed with only one good player and some ridiculous face paint, they were by no means a strong opposition, so it was a shame that we only won 2-0. As for the rest of the season, we are looking to win the Plate again, and so far, our prospects for doing so aren’t looking at all bad.

Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn about…

Celebrity Divorces The ravishing Miss Scarlet imparts her wisdom on the latest pressing issues.

Anytime one opens ‘Heat’ or ‘Hello’ one is accosted by an article detailing the latest celeb who is fighting a bitter divorce battle. One week it’s Britney, the next Heather Mills and if you are really unlucky both of them together.

But who really gives a flying flamingo (excuse ma Français)?

Of course divorce is terribly tragic - it shows that love does not always end like the movies, but why must one have their quiet time with the newspaper and a pot of steaming tea (and scones if one is feeling frivolous) ruined by a lot of silly nonsense? It is remarkably difficult to conjure up any semblance of sympathy for them because of the way they court the media attention. Who didn’t want

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to send Heather Mills to bed without supper when she moaned on and on about how awful the media was on a TV chat show? And that Britney, who just cant resist running over the paparazzi and yet bemoans the negative press. Oh the bitter irony of life.

I also can’t help but feel that divorce is the new black in Hollywood. Anyone who’s anyone has been divorced and to secure true A list status it seems the more times the better. Elizabeth Taylor has done it an astonishing seven times and Eminem found it so good he had to divorce the same woman twice. Also age matters. If you haven’t been divorced at least once by the time you are thirty, wave your star goodbye. Angelina Jolie, Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Garner all took this advice and look how they have rocketed to stardom.

It seems to me that someone needs to have words with them all. How can a marriage possibly hope to survive in such a self-obsessed, superficial society? A lingering look across the red carpet does not a good marriage make.

Hollywood marriages are literally ‘blink and you’ve missed it’. No one can have irreconcilable differences after just four months (Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson) unless you don’t know the person you are marrying or can’t be bothered to work at it. Marriage is not a bed scattered with scented rose petals, more of a rose bush. You have to take the thorns if you want the rose.

I think my main grievance is that in my mind divorce is a private affair.

Celebrities constantly whine about media attention but they use it shamelessly to ensure that they appear the victim in such proceedings. Don’t be famous if you can’t handle it and I’m certain the settlement packages more than make up for any negative press. Juanita Jordan is set to gain a gargantuan $150 million dollars in her divorce from Michael.

Celeb divorces are so last season. I’m bored and irritated. Give me a new scandal I can read about feverishly. There haven’t been any secret love children for a while but only time will tell…

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are entirely contentious and do not reflect the opinion of the Pembroke Street team. If you love your celeb gossip carry on devouring every snippet with delight, but please take it with a pinch of salt.

Pembroke Street Christmas Edition 2007

Pembroke Street Christmas Edition 2007