An Address to the Reader

An Address to the Reader

My fellow students,

The eagle-eyed among you may have spotted a smorgasbord of birds as you perused this term’s copy of your beloved The Cheese Grater. Before you call Mitch Brenner [hero of Alfred Hitchock’s 1963 hit film ‘The Birds’ – Classic Film Ed], or Rod [hero of James Nguyen’s 2010 hit film ‘Birdemic: Shock and Terror’ – Modern Classics Film Ed], lend me your ears for a brief appeal on behalf of our winged friend – the bird.

Birds first came to this great country nearly 80 years ago, arriving on boats from across the war-torn world. They put down roots in the great harbour towns: Leeds, High Wycombe, Nottingham, and the late, great Swindon. Only a handful could speak – even fewer could speak English – but the citizens of this land took them under their wing and gave them jobs in the wartime industries: wrapping Wine Gums, ploughing the great marmalade fields, and massaging the nation’s tired, tired brows. Before long, bird communities sprang up all over Britain – at that point protected from the rest of Europe by a little thing called parliamentary sovereignty – and we came to treat the birds not as strangers, but as colleagues, friends – sometimes even lovers.

However, today’s world is a harsher world. A colder world. A – dare I say it – a less bird-friendly world. Here at The Cheese Grater we have long had an affinity with birds: one of our first columnists was a heron in a sweater, and Society Bitch is currently dating a robin. I myself have just returned from our annual Cheese Grater pilgrimage to the RSPB centre in Bedfordshire. So if we can raise even one iota of awareness of our lovely feathery fellows with this issue, I will consider myself a successful columnist. For too long has journalism concerned itself with the shocking, the salacious, the sultry. Let this be the beginning of a golden age: the age of the bird.

Yours in ornithology,

Joseph Starling.