WHY HE STOPPED PURSUING YOU – 4 WAYS TO MAKE HIM WANT YOU AGAIN He used to be crazy about you but now he barely looks at you. He’s pulling away as you try to bring him closer. You feel lonely and deprived of love and affection. You want to know why he stopped pursuing you and how you can make him want you like he used to. Did you do something wrong? Is there someone else?
Why he stopped pursuing you – 3 possible reasons 1. The crash and burn theory Have you ever been in a situation where you just met a guy who seemed to be crazy about you after only knowing you for a short amount of time? If so, it’s because men are attracted to women based on how they feel in the present moment. As a result, sometimes they overestimate their feelings for a woman because of an intense physical or biological attraction. This kind of attraction causes him to do and say things he’d normally say after really getting to know you for an extended amount of time.
In this type of situation, it is extremely important for you, the woman, to slow things down without starving the connection. This can be tough because it feels good to get the attention and affection from a guy who is extremely attracted to you – especially when the attraction is mutual. However, if the relationship stays on the fast track it will likely end very quickly or what I like to call it “crash and burn” because the foundation is weak. Those intense initial emotions can easily get confused for love when they’re really just a strong biological attraction and infatuation. This type of relationship normally starts to go south after sex. This happens because sometimes our judgment and how we define our feelings for someone gets distorted by our sexual desires (and the subconscious need to make pretty babies, hence the biological attraction) – this is true for both men and women. For men, sex sort of snaps them back into reality. They start to realize where they truly are emotionally and they start to pull back. For women, it’s quite the opposite. For women sex usually causes attachment. This is why I recommend women wait until they’re in a committed relationship for about three months. This will ensure a guy isn’t just in it for sex.
2. The recharge theory If a guy has pursued you, the attraction is still alive, and you’ve both grown real feelings for one another over time he may feel the need to reestablish his independence. It doesn’t mean he’s not into you any more or that there’s someone else. Sometimes men just need to recharge and process things. Once he’s taken the time he needs he will likely come back ready to connect with you like he did before. *If you think this is the reason he’s pulled away and stopped pursuing you, here’s what you should do: 1.) do not freak out. Give him space and the time he needs. 2.) reestablish your own independence by going out with your friends, meeting new people, freshening up your selfcare routine, and starting or catching up with a hobby. 3.) Continue to be the kind, and beautiful woman he initially fell in love with.
3. The loss of attraction theory Sometimes when we’ve been in a relationship with someone for a while we’re not as attracted to them as we were in the beginning. This could be for a variety of reasons but there is usually one primary reason that a loss of attraction happens. That reason is sometimes we get complacent and we let ourselves go. We stop going to the gym, learning and doing our hobbies. These are the things that initially made you attractive to your partner. Have you let yourself go? As one of my favorite dating experts Matthew Hussey likes to say, your partner is the most attracted to you when you’re just out of their reach. That sounds a little like it’s suggesting “game playing” but it’s true. The key is to not allow your identity to be only wrapped up in your relationship. Start taking care of yourself and doing the things you love again if you think you’ve let yourself go. In doing so you will start to see your partner become more attracted to you.
If you find yourself being overwhelmed with advice and still not knowing what to do just remember to be present and have fun with your man. Get out of your head and really start to experience your interactions with him. It’s easy to get lost in your thoughts by constantly analyzing everything he says and does but most of the time that just brings on more confusion and frustration for you. He can sense that and it hinders your ability to be attractive. With all that said, I want to give you some practical advice that you can start using today to reignite attraction and inspire your man to start pursuing you again. Throughout this process make sure you are remaining authentic and honoring your core values. Some of this advice may feel unnatural to you because it requires a lot of patience, confidence, and
premeditated action instead of the impulsive behavior that may have already become the norm for you.
Four Ways to Make Him Want You Again
1. Get in touch with your feminine energy Sometimes the roles reverse in relationships and we (women) start to take on the role of the masculine which can cause a man to lose attraction. A way to know if you’ve taken on the masculine role in the relationship is if you are always the one initiating contact, planning dates, reminding him of all the things he needs to do, making demands, and leading most or all of your interactions with him. The fact is, masculine men are attracted to feminine women, not masculine women. If you want to keep your man attracted he needs to feel like a man with you. Part of that comes down to him being the aggressor and taking the lead most of the time.
At this point, the best thing for you to do is stop doing all of the giving. Instead, put yourself in a position to receive from him. When you can receive from a man he feels like he can provide. I love relationship expert Rori Raye’s concept of leaning back. This essentially means creating the space for your man to step up and come to you.
How to be more feminine Accentuate your feminine assets by wearing clothes that make you feel beautiful and sexy (keep it classy) Allow yourself to feel deeply and to express those feelings in a vulnerable and authentic way Be nurturing to your body and to your environment by improving your self-care routine and using your creativity to beautify your environment (at home and at work). Show kindness and compassion to the people in your life by smiling and listening more to them Own your sexuality and be confident in being womanly and feminine Practice being in receiving mode. Ask your man for help with something and show a lot of appreciation after he does it. Men love to feel needed and appreciated!
2. Remember your personality. What do you have to offer to the world and not just him? Start demonstrating who you are again and allow him to see that. Sometimes we get so consumed with trying to get into a relationship, then trying to keep the guy pursuing us, get him to propose, and everything else that comes along with being in a relationship that we forget who we are. You have to remember that he wanted to be with you not just because you wanted to be with him but because of who you are.
It’s not enough to be pretty, sexy, and affectionate – not if you want a man to continue to pursue you after the first few weeks. If you were passionate about reading, dancing, art, hanging out with your friends, learning new things or whatever your thing is when you met him, you have to keep being passionate about those things while you’re with him. Continue to grow and expand on what makes you feel alive. When you do this he will continue to be challenged and inspired by you and he won’t stop pursuing you.
How to demonstrate who you are in an attractive way Be in the moment and allow yourself to fully experience whatever you’re doing Interact with other people when you’re out on dates or running errands with your guy (and without him) Don’t hold back your feelings Invite him to events with you and your friends or where you’ll be doing something around your interests *Show him your world and allow him to experience it with you. In doing he’s going to feel more attracted to you.
3. Have fun. Stop talking about your problems with him and instead start to focus on strengthening your connection when you’re together Get out of your head and stop bringing up your fears, insecurities, and concerns. If you find yourself bringing up the same thing more than twice you may want to reconsider staying in the relationship. However, if you want to stay in the relationship and make it a beautiful partnership it’s so important that you share laughs and have fun your man. Create a beautiful world with him.
One of the most attractive qualities to men in a woman is her ability to let go and have fun.
How to strengthen your connection with him Join him in doing something he loves (if he’s a gamer play a game with him, or if he works out a lot do that with him) Experience something neither of you has ever done together (rock climbing, skydiving, archery – anything that seems exciting and different) Be vulnerable and laugh together as much as you can – once again, have fun!
4. Be confident and independent. Stop being needy and seeing him through a scarcity lens Confidence – a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities. Being confident is an extremely attractive quality and goes hand in hand with being independent. Men value these qualities so much because this type of woman enables him to have the freedom he needs to fulfill his recreational and recuperation needs. Men are processors and they need time to themselves to de-stress and process their thoughts and emotions. A confident woman doesn’t need constant reassurance that he won’t leave or hurt her. She knows she is enough and she has an abundance mindset. Meaning in this context she’s confident enough to walk away if the relationship isn’t right for her. And at the same time, she’s confident enough to trust her man until he’s proven otherwise.
How to become more confident and independent Don’t allow your relationship with him to determine how confident you are. Update your overall look (as cliche as this sounds it really does make a difference in the way you feel and how confident you are) Strengthen your relationships with your family and friends
Learn how to do something and incorporate that into your daily routine Start going to the gym and get fit Join a community (this could be a group or club at work/school, meetup.com, the gym, or at your church). When you’re doing this don’t allow your thoughts of him and your relationship to hold you back. Take the time to create and build on the other pillars of your life. Not only will you be more fulfilled, but you’ll also be a lot more well-rounded and of course, attractive.
Here are some bonus tips on what keeps a man attracted When you continue to grow and add value to your own life Keeping yourself healthy, beautiful, and sexy When you keep your sense of humor and show that you can still have fun with him When you accept him for who he is but will still call him out if you feel disrespected Interacting with him through trust instead of fear and jealousy A lot of the advice in this post comes down to you focusing on the connection instead of problems, and working on improving yourself. In doing so you’re taking some of the pressure off of him and allowing him to feel more freedom and attraction for you. Another thing that’ll happen is he’ll see that he doesn’t have you all figured out. There are still things about you that he hasn’t discovered. This is a key factor when it comes to getting your man to want you again. Remember… Men find fun, feminine, sexy, and challenging women irresistible.