With respect

Stamford’s visionary Learning for Life curriculum is leading the way in conversations around consent and relationships, writes KENDAL MILLS

The recent allegations of historic peer-on-peer sexual harassment and abuse by students at thousands of schools, colleges and universities rocked the education world, and the harrowing accounts on the Everyone’s Invited website made for di cult reading. As schools, we had to respond without any hint of defensiveness or by appearing to underplay the problem. e media-coined term ‘rape culture’, was initially applied to ‘private’ schools and tended to be linked to words like ‘elitism’ and ‘entitlement’. at was unhelpful and somewhat misleading because it generated a caricature of the issue. e thousands of allegations made by current and former students were varied – degrading language used by male students towards female students, body-shaming, indecent postings online, nonconsensual sexual touching and, in extreme cases, rape – so our response to that complex range of transgressions needed to be sure-footed enough to address them all in a variety of ways.

Although it only became statutory from September 2020, Stamford School has been delivering a robust and relevant Relationships & Sex Education (RSE) curriculum for many years. We’ve always believed that part of Personal, Social and Health Education (PSHE) – which we now call Learning for Life – to be of central importance, as it touches on so many aspects of young people’s lives and is territory that they, by their own admission, nd di cult to negotiate.

In year seven – ages 11 and 12 – our focus is very rmly on respectful relationships of all kinds and incorporates a strong anti-bullying message. In year eight, we explore online behaviour because that tends to be the age when boys and girls begin to get drawn into some of the more unsavoury aspects of the online world such as the sending of indecent images of one another and writing o ensive messages in group chats or during online gaming sessions. In doing so, we draw on the work done in year seven on respectful relationships and extend that into their online lives – which they o en perceive as being totally separate from ‘real life’. is continues through to year 13.

Teaching boys about consent and the distinction between consensual and nonconsensual sexual activity can be daunting, and delivering such critically important messages in the right way needs clear thinking and a great deal of sensitivity. A er all, we’re involving ourselves in very intimate aspects of young people’s lives, and the topic is awkward for many of them. While colleagues are happy to engage with the topic in our Learning for Life lessons, we do make use of external facilitators who possess greater expertise and whom students feel they can ask questions of that they might not wish to ask a teacher or tutor.

We’re fortunate to have access to a local organisation called e Conversation (theconversationstamford.co.uk) whose practitioners run workshops on healthy

relationships, consent, e-safety (aptly dubbed ‘cyber wisdom’) and the corrosive impact of online pornography on the developing male brain.

Similarly the Good Lad Initiative, a Londonbased charity, provides excellent advice designed to encourage boys and young men to tackle the root causes of gender inequality, challenge toxic masculinity, and teach them to grow up to become respectful, sensitive men who understand that consent lies at the heart of all relationships.

In the months following the whistleblowing of Everyone’s Invited and other online platforms, it has become clear that boys of all ages are genuinely worried about those boundaries and are asking open and probing questions. e fact that such questions are being asked is a positive sign, and should be seen as an expression of desire for change. It’s up to schools, colleges and universities to continue to lead that change.

Kendal Mills is Deputy Head (Pastoral) at Stamford School, Lincolnshire

TEACHING BOYS ABOUT the distinction between consensual and nonconsensual sexual activity CAN BE DAUNTING, AND DELIVERING SUCH CRITICALLY IMPORTANT MESSAGES IN THE RIGHT WAY NEEDS CLEAR THINKING AND A GREAT DEAL OF SENSITIVITY NEEDS CLEAR THINKING AND A GREAT DEAL OF SENSITIVITY

online pornography on the developing male brain. masculinity, and teach them to grow up to become genuinely worried about those boundaries and are

HOPE FOR THE FUTURE

Katharine Woodcock, Headmistress of Sydenham High School GDST, outlines the positives that we can take from the pandemic experience

As we head towards what we hope is the light at the end of what has been, at times, an extremely dark tunnel and into a new world that re ects some kind of normalcy, we have to be thankful for what this time has taught us. e importance of community, values and caring for one another. e new ways in which we’ve adapted and evolved: technology is at the forefront of much of what we do, balanced with a deeper focus on mindfulness and staying active away from devices. Innovative teaching and more e cient working practices have meant that ahead of the new term in September, our school and its pupils are perhaps in a better position to thrive than ever before.

As it stands, our pupils have the best chance in nearly two years of having an uninterrupted year of learning and being around their peers. Mental health has become a bigger priority across the board, as we welcome athletes role-modelling the importance of mental tness alongside physical health. is is something we’ve long heralded. ough moving towards familiar behaviours and routines at the end of last term helped to provide stability, the necessary adaptability required by the pandemic has fostered key skills of resilience and problem-solving, which will stand pupils in good stead for the future. looking a er our mental and physical health and adapting our co-curricular programme so that it could be just as bene cial in a home environment.

Another positive change brought about by the pandemic is the transition to, and embracing of, digital processes. Teachers have been creative and designed innovative solutions to provide outstanding learning, despite the constraints of remote teaching, and virtual experiences of the school site provided a new perspective for visitors. ese are things that we can assess, adjust and take forward into the new academic year and beyond. roughout the peak of the pandemic our pupils learned to “keep nding joy in small things and remember for every negative situation, if you look hard enough, you can always nd a positive!”, which is a lesson we can all bene t from.

It’s been said countless times but the past 18 months haven’t been easy for any of us, especially not for the children

whose learning and childhoods have been interrupted. But now is the time to look forward. Now is the time to roll up our sleeves and get back to work, building something better than what came before. e summer holidays provided a time for rest,

relaxation and re ection, and enabled all facets of the school to be able to go full steam ahead come September. e new term brings with it something of a new beginning and here at Sydenham High School, we’re more than ready for it.

We have to be thankful FOR WHAT THIS TIME

HAS TAUGHT US. THE IMPORTANCE OF community, values and caring for one another

If another lockdown occurs, our pupils are well-equipped to deal with, and overcome, the implications that come with that. e foundations of wellbeing at Sydenham High come from the three pillars of body, mind and soul. Interwoven into all that we strive to achieve for the wellbeing of our community, when the pandemic hit, we used these pillars to ensure that we were truly