From the Records of Dr. Wong Quo

From the records of

Dr. Wong Quo

PSYCHIATRIC EVALUTION Mr. Yuan Lo Case No.: 111,987

Date of Evaluation: 1/13/2006 Date of Report: 1/15/2006

Shanghai Mental Health Center 600 Wan Ping Nan Road Shanghai, 200030 The People’s Republic of China

Anne Chen Contemporary Chinese Culture & Society Ethnographic Profile Paper Washington University in St. Louis Spring 2010

Prompt: Create an ethnographic profile that’s based on real contemporary Chinese history. Set a believable scenario, and consider topics / readings from class to help you develop characters that could have really lived during your chosen time period. Bring in the political, cultural, social, etc. climates of the times into your story by showing how they shape your characters’ identities, lead to the challenges they face, and so on. Demonstrate your knowledge on Chinese traditions / ideologies, both old and new. Be creative in how you balance fact and fiction.

Ethnographic Profile Paper Brainstorming & Outline It is currently 2006…

Perspective: Yuan Lo, a secretly homosexual man, now 37 years of age. Married when he was 20 (1989) to Hsiao Hu. Has one daughter, Tian Mei, who is now 16 years old.

Scenario: When Yuan Lo was 16, he had his first homosexual encounter with a fellow classmate, Su Feng, in the shower room of a sports academy. Raised in the same neighborhood, Su Feng and Yuan Lo had always been best friends. As they were very close, Yuan Lo at first never viewed their shower room encounter as sexual—Feng had casually suggested that they share a shower together and offered to wash his body. They continued to be good friends until Lo was introduced to Hsiao Hu in 1988 through his parents. Hsiao Hu’s parents and Lo’s parents had always been great friends—thus, they thought that the match between their children would be perfect. Lo, as he was a respectful child who loved his parents, agreed to the match—he wed Hsiao Hu a year later, and had Tian Mei after about one year of marriage (in 1990). His relationship with Hsiao Hu grew from friendship to true love—he was an ideal husband and a hard worker. As he became more and more focused on his family, he and Feng drifted apart.

As Yuan Lo lived in Guangdong all his life, he had always been interested in economics As Guangdong prospered and become more and more important as an economic hub in China, Yuan Lo dabbled in all sorts of jobs that revolved around trade. When he was working for a high-tech company in Shenzhen in 1999, his boss told him that he was being transferred to Shanghai. Lo, Hsiao Hu and Tian Mei thus all moved to the city, where Lo lost contact with Feng completely. Since his last conversation with Feng in 1999, Lo knew that, at age 29, Feng was not married and his parents’ constant nagging for him to find a wife has given him serious anxiety problems.

Lo settles in Shanghai and lives there peacefully with his family for six years. In 2005, however, he receives a message that his friend Feng, who he hadn’t talked to for all that time, had committed suicide after admitting to his parents that he was a homosexual. His family had consequently ostracized him—they refused him all contact. This included not only his parents, but also his twin sister, Li Wei, who he’d always loved dearly and was the first person he had told his secret to. To Feng’s dismay, Li Wei not only told their parents, but also called him a “hooligan”, claiming he was the worst of all the “bad elements” and was a disgrace to the family name. A few weeks after “coming out”, Feng wrote a note stating that he could no longer stand

his father’s cruel silence, his sister’s hurtful remarks, and his mother’s tears—he hung himself in his apartment on December 4, 2005.

Upon hearing the news, Lo is horrified and grief-stricken. But it’s not just guilt for not being there for Feng that he begins to feel—as his mind drifts back to the shower room incident, he begins questioning his own sexuality. He remembers that he had no objection to Feng caressing his body—in fact, he’d somewhat enjoyed it. Confused and terrified, he becomes distant from his wife and daughter, and distracted at work. One night in Shanghai, he wanders into a gay bar, one of the many that were popping up all over the district in which he lived.

Homosexuality in Shanghai had long begun to come out of the shadows, which only caused greater bewilderment for Lo. Though he’d spent most of his life in the most Westernized areas of China, even he was shocked by all of Shanghai’s sudden “openness.”

So after a night of heavy drinking—his way of dealing with the news of Feng—he finds himself in a homosexual bar. His high frustration, combined with the influence of alcohol, leads him to have sex with another young man. The next morning, he stumbles home, but tells the worried Hsiao Hu that he’d only been out with co-workers at a karaoke bar, and had crashed at one of their apartments. Yet Hsiao Hu immediately begins to sense that something’s wrong— after weeks of watching her husband’s brood darkening, she insists that he speak with a therapist.

Lo reluctantly agrees, and, also a liberal, Hsiao Hu schedules an appointment with a psychiatrist, Wenqi Quo, who’d studied in the United States…

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My ethnographic profile paper will be a transcript of Lo’s conversation with Wenqi Quo. Their dialogue will reflect Lo’s struggles as a sexually confused man, burdened with traditional Chinese social norms of family, duty, and place. I want to show, through their dialogue: • • • • • • • • • •

How, even in 2006, Chinese families still maintain the traditional ideals of marriage. (i.e.

Fong’s family’s reaction to him being homosexual, Lo’s hesitance to admit to his wife that he might be homosexual too.)

How Lo’s sexual confusion affects his family and work.

The influence of the West on the growing awareness of homosexuality. (i.e. Gay bars in Shanghai.)

How hubs of trade like Shanghai are more open to homosexuality because of their regular interaction with foreigners.

The mental battle a homosexual Chinese faces between tradition and his desires.

How Wenqi Quo’s western training may influence her own perceptions and understandings of homosexuality. (i.e. Perhaps bring in issues of Western v. Chinese medical practices?)

Homosexuality in China / Shanghai.

Homosexual identity and disclosure. (i.e. Perhaps Lo’s relationship with his daughter?

Feels more comfortable around her because she belongs to a younger generation?)

Homosexuality in modern and traditional China.

AIDS in China / Shanghai. (i.e. Lo’s fear that he might have contracted AIDS from the young man from the gay bar).

Dates to Consider: • After 1949: Homosexuality was regarded as ‘hooliganism.’

• During the Cultural Revolution, homosexuality was classified as a ‘bad element.’

• 1980s: Small breaks in the taboo with increased media and regional gay rights movements.

• 1997: Abolishment of ‘hooliganism’ term.

• 2001: Chinese Psychiatry Association removed homosexuality from list of mental disorders.

• 2003: Homosexuality enters public discussion and university curricula.

• Shanghai Pride 2009: largest festival of gay/lesbian community on the Chinese mainland – good showcase of country’s social progress alongside the three decades of economic boom.

Readings to Consider: • Sun Zhongxin. Sexual Identity among Men Who Have Sex with Men in Shanghai.

• Joan Kaufman, Arthur Kleinman & Tony Saich. AIDs and Social Policy in China.

Regions to Consider: The Importance of Place When places transform, so do people, practices, culture.

(1) Pudong’s Significance* to Lo. • Became a New Open Economic Development Zone.

• Reflects Shanghai (and China’s) rapid economic development.

• 1993: Becomes a Special Economic Zone. o More liberal economy  trade  more open to ideas like homosexuality.

(2) Shenzhen’s Significance* to both Lo and Feng.

• Feng never left childhood homes of Shenzhen in southern Guangdong province. o Hit by all the change of arguably one of China’s most successful SEZs. o From fishing village to capital market—Deng’s setting. o An experimental ground— “Socialism with Chinese characteristics.” o 1979: Becomes SEZ because of its close proximity to Hong Kong.

• Chinese from elsewhere in the country are allowed to move here, so Feng is hit hard by the mixing of ethnicities and subcultures. Leads him to become more and more aware of his homosexual thoughts. o …Quaint alleyways turn into buildings... o …Old homes removed to make way for compact housing… o …Cash & property compensation to indigenous villagers to allow the construction of housing…

• Urbanization: How does it affect Lo and Feng and their sexuality?

* I am considering writing this paper from the perspective of the psychiatrist, Wenqi Quo. I thought it’d be interesting to see how she interprets Lo’s stories of his past—how she perceives not only his words, but his facial expressions and body language.

From the records of

Dr. Wong Quo

PSYCHIATRIC EVALUTION Mr. Yuan Lo Case No.: 111,987

Shanghai Mental Health Center 600 Wan Ping Nan Road Shanghai, 200030 The People’s Republic of China

Date of Evaluation: 1/13/2006 Date of Report: 1/15/2006

From the records of Dr. Wong Quo, one of the few local psychiatrists at Pudong District of Shanghai: Brief Background on Dr. Wong Quo: As psychiatry has yet to grow in the medical realm of China, Dr. Quo, who has studied in the U.S., is one of the few, more open-minded therapists available, and thus often works with major corporate enterprises with foreign ties to treat workers who are having difficulties adjusting to a globalizing world. Patients often suffer from anxiety and depression due to increasing work tensions that result from a diminishing communal support system as danwei’s and state-owned enterprises are being overwhelmed by private and foreign-run corporations. Patients also must face the pressures of transforming cultural and social norms that flood into both their work and everyday lives. Thus, Dr. Quo specializes in addressing the consequences Chinese people face in a changing, competitive marketplace in which a growing economy is often offset by deterring social transformations and weakening collective networks that adversely affect the mental well-being of workers. Although traditional Chinese psychiatry often focuses on maintaining a certain distance between patient and therapist, Dr. Quo’s Western studies have influenced him to approach clients with less state and political influences; he tries to foster a deeper, more interpersonal relationship such that his patients feel more comfortable and willing to open to him.

PSYCHIATRIC EVALUTION Dr. Wong Quo Mr. Yuan Lo Case No.: 111,987

Date of Evaluation: 1/13/2006 Date of Report: 1/15/2006

I) Purpose for Evaluation: This is the first therapy session for Mr. Yuan Lo, a 26 year-old Chinese man originally from Shenzhen. Mr. Lo is currently living in the Pudong District with his wife, Hsiao Hu, and his 6-year-old daughter, Tian Mei. As of now, he is employed by a private enterprise Jiangzhi Hi-Tech Park Development Co., Ltd. He was referred to me through his employer, who has shown concern for his once diligent worker’s sudden odd behavior for the past month and his seemingly disturbed mental state.

II) Assessment Procedures: Mr. Lo participated in a 2 hour interview. Transcript follows, with Dr. Quo’s notes in italics.

diagnostic

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Today is my first meeting with Mr. Yuan Lo. My services were recommended to Mr. Lo via his boss, Mr. Ku Lee, who fears that Mr. Lo’s current exhibitions of strained anxiety and distance from both workplace and his family will deter from his productive capacity and ultimately compromise the community-feel within his project team. He noted to me that Lo’s strange behavior began just after he’d received a mysterious letter from a friend back from his hometown in Shenzhen…

When Mr. Lo first enters my office, he appears worn and fatigued—obviously a man who’s had something so fretful on his mind that, whatever it was, had led to many sleepless nights. He seemed fearful, too—wary of my role as a therapist, and hesitant to disclose any intimate information, less I report back to his boss. Thus, I began by trying to assuage him and make him feel more comfortable in my office—

W: Mr. Lo, how do you do? Please, have a seat. My name is Dr. Wong Quo, but please, feel free to call me Dr. Quo. Let me introduce myself a little more: I am a fully trained and licensed psychiatrist, and I have just finished my studies in the United States. Currently, I am working on establishing my own private practice here in Shanghai. I am sure that you, like many of my other patients, have felt the cultural, political, and economic strains that fast-paced modernization has bought to our country. I am here to help with the adjustment process that we Chinese all will probably face as we are hit hard by the torrents of industrialization—and to ease the transition when facing both mental and physical displacement. I will be open, truthful, and direct with you—and I only ask that you give me the same respect and honesty. First of all, do you know why your boss, Mr. Lee, has asked you to come speak with me?

L: Ah, Boss Lee! What evils do you suspect of me..?

W: Mr. Lo, please. I don’t want you jumping to any conclusions, so let me be straight-forward with you. I hear that your reputation as a once able and distinguished employee at Jiangzhi is slowly deteriorating— you are now often unproductive and seem exhausted, coming to work later and later each day. Mr. Lee commented that you once disappeared for an entire night. Please, describe your occupation a little more to me. I know that Jiangzhi’s principle activities include finding foreign investors to fund high-technology innovation projects here in Shanghai. So what exactly is draining you of your energy so much recently— is it perhaps your work that is keeping you out all evening at the karaoke bars until 5 am? How do your job responsibilities make you feel?

L: I…I… Yes… well… success in this emerging market economy is founded upon business relations… especially when you’re working in an industry that interacts with foreigners on a regular basis. My projects often require me to meet daily with clientele, wining and dining them to establish interpersonal trust before negotiating investment deals. Entertainment duties, thus, become ritual practice; partnerships are constantly made at karaoke bars via banquets, alcohol consumption, and, unfortunately, the objectification of women, and I admit, this commercialization of females often makes me feel uncomfortable, especially because I am loyal to Hsiao Hu… but you know, it is part of the job, being put into such sexual environments… I cannot put aside my work obligations and avoid such nocturnal activities just because I am married. As a host to foreign entrepreneurs, I must make sure that I fulfill my duties and establish good guanxi networks, even if this means staying out late and even soliciting prostitutes. It is all part of the system—a man cannot challenge such things, even if they go against his morals…

Here, Lo seems to be getting more and more agitated, and I can tell that he is definitely hiding something else, something that he is too embarrassed to express…

W: Is that all that is bothering you? Mr. Lo, I am a professional therapist, and my office is one of the few places in the world where you can speak openly and freely of whatever is on your mind. I’m here to help you—not to criticize, not to evaluate your beliefs, not to questions your moral standings. My job isn’t to lecture you on how to live your life—it is to give you insight into your personal troubles, no matter how dark, and aid you in relieving your grievances. Whatever you share with me in this room will remain only between the two of us—everything is confidential, and no information will be released or shared with others. And this includes Boss Lee. At this statement, Lo stops fidgeting in his seat. For the first time, he holds eye contact with me, and seems to compose himself. Still reluctant, but he leans forward:

Lo: Dr. Quo—Dr. Quo, is it? You say, Dr. Quo, you say that you will not judge me here? That my secrets… that I will not be ostracized? You will not lose respect of me? You see, it is not only my devotion to my wife that makes me feel uneasy at the karaoke bars… but such secrets I know I must hide… I am a good man. I am a good husband. And I am a good worker. I have worked hard all my life— I have climbed my way from the bottom to the top, from a humble assistant to now a team manager. So you see, respect. Image. Reputation. As a man, these are all very important things to me… in my business, in my life…

I sensed pride in his words. He was obviously still quite nervous, but whatever his inner turmoil was, it could not completely veil his remaining dignity—a self-respect he’d spent his entire life cultivating—a difficult feat, as a man in a rapidly modernizing world… I decided that poor Mr. Lo must have something dark lurking in his past—something that he feared would tarnish this so valuable ‘image’ and perhaps even expulse him from family, friends, work… perhaps even all of society..?

W: Yes, as I said, you’re welcome to share everything and anything with me—nothing you say will affect our therapist-patient relationship, which I hope will be based upon openness and sincerity. Now, I sense that you are deeply troubled by something from your past—your boss has informed me that your sudden reclusiveness seemed to begin upon receiving a letter from your birthplace in Shenzhen? I am assuming that something, or perhaps someone, from your youth has returned, unexpectedly, into your life?

At this, Lo reaches into his pocket and pulls out a crumpled sheet of paper.

L: Please, read this. But you mustn’t, you mustn’t, tell my wife. Please, please. I will trust you…

Intrigued, I took the paper from him, and read, in shaky handwriting:

To Whom This May Concern, My name is Su Feng, and I am a tongzhi.

I am aware of the repercussions of such an honest statement, even now, in the 21st century... a time when China faces not only a new open market, but a new open mind—where we, the Chinese, stand with jaws so eagerly unhinged to taste the exotic cultures and customs of the West… where American ideas spill not only into our technology and industries, but also our everyday lives… such an influx, and such a fast-paced one, has only intensified my homosexual tendencies… Yes, it shocked me… these American “gays”, with their websites, their bars, their networking and close tongzhi circles… when I have, for all these years, felt so shackled by the Chinese traditions of my family…

I am not an MSM. This I know—being homosexual is, as I have come to realize, my orientation, and not simply my behavior. Yes, yes, I am attracted to men… ever since I felt myself sexually drawn to my friend Yuan Lo in a shower room back when we were merely 16 years of age, I knew something was wrong with me… And this burden was only made more agonizing by my mother’s constant entreaties for me to seek a wife as I reached my early 20s… I began to feel, more and more, the impossibility of hiding my horrible secret whilst maintaining the responsibilities of a dutiful son... ah, the subtle hints I’d dropped to my family of my true sexuality during my youth were proving to be no longer sufficient as I came of marrying age…

A few weeks ago, my mother’s desperation for me to wed reached an apogee, and she introduced me to Yi Shu, a soft-spoken, polite, and yes, admittedly, quite beautiful, woman. Yet I could not bring myself to be attracted to her, no matter how hard I tried—instead, I was forced to maintain a heterosexual façade and feign an interest to take her hand. Oh, all I can remember were the fervent, hopeful looks my mother would cast my way as she sat at the dinner table… she seemed so sure, so confident, that finally, her only son would finally settle with a decent girl…

The pressure was suffocating. I needed a release… to shed the burden that had crippled me for so long… the guilt of not only lying to my family, but now, the added risk of ruining the life of some poor, innocent young woman… how would I ever satisfy Yi Shu, sexually, let alone be a devoted husband? In taking her hand, I would not only be violating my own sexual identity, but destroying her chances of happiness…

I couldn’t even imagine confronting my parents with the subject of me being tongxinglian… the very thought of giving them such an unspeakable grievance caused me more torment than my true sexual identity… I could only turn to my twin sister, Li Wei, who after all these years of close siblinghood, would surely understand…

But, alas, her cold response: “Su, we were born in 1979. Do you know how different marriage was before then? There’ve been so many ways that marriage opportunities have opened up and the rules of love have become more lax.

There are no more arranged couplings, no more constraints on intimacy. In the past, no one had the luxury of free marriage—they didn’t even dream of the idea of premarital sex… but now, no, since as early as the 1950s, the whole system has been remodeled. Youth autonomy, conjugal solidarity, free-choice matches, romantic love, more direct expression of affection, the power shift to the younger male generation, the falling of filial piety… all marriage ideologies have been transformed! How can one even think of being a “hooligan” in this era? Yes, we are in the 21st century, but we still have our Chinese morals, our values! And we have our common sense—how will you ever start a family with a man? Does a man have a womb? Can he bear you a son, a daughter? No and no! You will bring great shame and disgrace to our family name if you tell our parents! Ah, the tears that will be shed, the bitterness you will bring under this roof!”

To my horror, my conversation with Li Wei was overhead by our parents. And Wei’s predictions proved to be correct: my mother wept for hours, while my father shut himself alone in his study and refused to face me. When he did finally did emerge, it was only to announce that he no longer would acknowledge me as his son…

I am cursed and condemned. Rejected by those I hold most dear. I can no longer stand my mother’s torrents of tears, my sister’s hurtful words, my father’s icy silence—I only want peace… peace with myself, with who I am, and peace for my loved ones… an end to all the unpleasantness and torment I have forced upon my family…

And so, if I can’t find absolution on this earth, than I shall seek happiness elsewhere… I only hope that this final farewell does not bring any more pain than I’ve already caused…

—Su Feng

Upon finishing the letter, I look at Yuan Lo. His head was clasped between his hands, his shoulders slumped over. A man defeated…

W: Mr. Lo? L: Nuhhh…

W: Mr. Lo… this letter… this… suicide note… your friend Su Feng… the ‘childhood shower room incident’…

Yuan Lo sits up and heaves a long sigh. When he finally meets my gaze, his eyes are filled with tears.

L: Yes, Su Feng was my best friend… and back when we were young and in a sports academy together, there was a time when, after a practice, there were not enough showers for all the boys to use. Feng offered to share a stall with me... which, at the time, in my innocence, I thought nothing of… however, it was until he casually suggested that he help me wash my back that I began to feel a bit uneasy… and when he proceeded to touch other regions of my body, I was even more unsettled. There was something in his eyes that quite disturbed me, but, as he’d been my closest companion for so long, I didn’t question the encounter, simply dismissing it as brotherly affection. I didn’t think of it any further—in fact, as the years passed, the occurrence escaped my mind completely, and only resurfaced upon my receiving of Feng’s suicide note…

W: Has the letter and your remembering of this event stirred up any sexual confusion within you? You do live in Shanghai now—a place of cultural explosion, where homosexuality is only one of the new, more open-minded and liberal concepts being introduced and welcomed. How has this affected you?

L: Ah, honestly, yes. You see, when I moved from Shenzhen to Pudong, my relationship with Feng became more strained. I lost touch with him—something I do truly regret—but after I married Hsiao Hu and had Tien Mei, I began a new life in Shanghai… my past seemed irrelevant. I was focused on my family and developing a career. Homosexuality—this was not a term that seemed to require any of my attention—yes, I often do pass some “gay bars” in Shanghai, but as I’m aware of growing international cultural influences in Asia, I did not view such proliferation of sexual tolerance as odd or dangerous.

However, Feng’s death did trigger a convoluted mixture of emotions within me—I feel, almost, that I’m to blame for his realization of his homosexuality, as I was the first man he felt sexually attracted to… and if I am beginning to question my own sexual orientation, then, does this make me a tongzhi too? Now, when I go to the karaoke bars with other business associates, I wonder if the unease I feel is due to the fact that I am a married man, or if it’s because I actually do not feel attracted to women in general..? But then “No”, I think to myself! I have been happily married to a wonderful wife for so long! I have a child!

I must like women! How can I even think about being drawn to the other gender?

W: Well, do you find yourself turned on by men? Have you ever acted upon your disquieting musings?

At this, Lo looks more downcast than ever.

L: Ah, Dr. Quo! Sometimes I wish that I was never informed of Feng’s suicide. I cannot get his death, his being a tongxinglian, out of my mind! It is a bitter cycle—the more I think of why he killed himself, the more guilt I feel, and the more I begin to wonder of my own sexual orientation. Such darkness has come upon my life—I was so sure, at this age, of my identity, of who I am—I mean, I have it all right now, don’t I? Hsiao Hu… no man could ask for a better wife. A beautiful, lively daughter… a high-paying job that I relatively enjoy… I have a marvelous family and the means to sufficiently provide for them. I maintain good relations with my parents, I have a strong circle of friends. But now, now all these things are being questioned because I am questioning myself. And perhaps it was all these unsettling,

overwhelming thoughts that finally drove me, a few nights ago, to unfortunately visit a local karaoke bar by myself and, after consuming a massive amount of sake, asked for the services of a female entertainer… I think that, subconsciously, I was trying to prove to myself that “Yes, I am a straight man! I am attracted to women, and only women!”… so intent was I to justify my sexuality that I regret to say that I contemplated resorting to commercial sex But alas, I couldn’t go through with it! I looked down upon my hand and saw my wedding band, and had to leave. I was so upset—almost risking my marriage just to convince to myself that I am not a tongzhi! And finally when I stumbled home and was greeted by my poor, innocent Hsiao Hu, all I could stammer out was that I had been out late with a business client…

W: Does Hsiao Hu know that your job often puts you in promiscuous situations? And she trusts you?

L: Ah, yes, she is such a trusting wife! The only thing she does complain about is the excessive amount of drinking I must do at the karaoke bars, but to this I always counter that alcohol is an important symbol of respect in my business, and is necessary for securing successful guanxi with clientele… so she understands that empty liquor cups only means a cemented partnership… but yes, she still lectures me on the harmful side-effects on my liver. When it comes to female-centered services, she only will comment on her disdain for the exploitation of women, rather than accuse me of cheating. Yes, although she hates this courtesan culture, she knows that such activities are crucial for my professional success, and trusts me to not sleep with another woman. It is completely different, however, for me to elicit the services of a prostitute outside of my job’s entitlements… which is why I am terrified to confess to her of that horrible night. I’ve always been honest with my wife… I feel so wicked, for now keeping things from her… from my relationship with Feng to the karaoke bar incident…

W: But did you have a sexual encounter with a man since Feng’s letter?

L: Ah, to think that I dared to dabble in hooliganism! After I rejected the female prostitute, all I could think of doing was drinking more, more, to drown myself in my sorrow! But what a mistake that was.

After I got even more intoxicated, I finally decided to head home. But as I staggered along the streets, it was just my misfortune to come upon a homosexual dance club… and I am not sure if it was my drunkenness or my curiosity, but something impelled me to enter… and as I stood, surrounded by bright colors, flashing lights, and bare-chested tongxinglian, one of these men approached me. And even though we’d just met, I felt that maybe I’d finally found someone who could answer my questions about being a homosexual in Shanghai… most importantly, I simply wanted to know how a man even knew he was a pure tongzhi. To my surprise, my new acquaintance, who called himself Fei Wu, laughed at my ignorance and explained to me that he, in fact, was not a tongzhi, but a MSM – a term that I’d never understood before, but, thanks to Wu, now know to stand for “men who have sex with men”. “I suppose it does get confusing,” Wu chuckled. “I mean, MSM includes both homosexuals and heterosexuals—it’s a concept that refers to sexual behavior, not sexual orientation. I, for one, am definitely not a tongzhi. I frequent gay bars such as this one simply to make money—I have no personal, sexual interest in men—just an economic one. I’m sorry that I cannot help you much further, my friend.”

I suppose that the only reason why he shared all this information with me at first was because he saw me as a potential client—for when I described my situation to him, he seemed to lose interest. But I did feel somewhat assuaged by his words—I mean, he seemed certain that he wasn’t a homosexual, even though he slept with other men, simply because he knew that he wasn’t attracted to his clients in that way—for him, any homosexual interaction was based purely on profit, not desire. And as I myself was feeling more and more out of place and uncomfortable at the club, I began to realize, even in my drunken haze, that I, too, like Wu, am not interested in men in such intimate ways…

W: So you were able to come to terms with your own sexual identity then?

L: I’d like to think so! But then why am I still so bewildered, and full of guilt? Guilt for Feng’s death, for lying to Hsiao Hu, for actually stepping into Glamour Bar and Lounge… imagine if one of my fellow employees, or worse, Mr. Lee, saw me go into such a place! My job revolves around providing clients with food, drink, and women—yes, yes, they all like women! How could I possible represent such an esteemed corporation like Jiangzhi if I was rumored to be a tongzhi?

W: I believe, Mr. Lo, that we can see your impulsive visit to the night club not as some subliminal message that you are secretly a tongxinglian, but, as you said, simply the way you unconsciously chose to justify that yourself as a straight man. You seem to be misplacing your remorse over Feng’s suicide— turning your guilt into a sexual identity crisis. From what you have told me, I can deduce that prior to Feng’s death, you never questioned your heterosexuality—not only that, but you seem to me to be an exceptionally faithful husband—quite an admirable feat, given the salacious environment your job often puts you in.

L: So… so… so I am definitely not a tongzhi?

W: Think about it, Mr. Lo. The once repressed topical realm of homosexuality in China is slowly breaking free of Mao-era prejudices. Tolerance and acceptance of same-sex couples has been a gradual process, impeded by politics and traditional ideas of marriage and family, but, at the same time, advanced by the influx of more liberal Western practices and the proliferation of new means of communication, such as the Internet. Let me assure you, Mr. Lo, then, that your sudden uncertainty of your sexual orientation is not an indicator of gayness. I believe it is more of a result of two things: first, you blame yourself for Feng’s death. You feel not only remorseful for abandoning your childhood friendship with Feng, but also for “triggering” his homosexuality. Second, as homosexuality has only recently become more tolerated in China, this sudden openness probably caused you to question if you’ve actually been concealing a gay identity all these years, unwilling to “come out” because of the cultural and political values of traditional Communist China, which defined homosexuality as “hooliganism”. Such old ideologies unfortunately often remain ingrained in individuals’ behavior and thinking—even with modernization and numerous policy changes, the past still manages to seep into the everyday lives of many of my patients, affecting them in subtle yet significant ways. From my stay in the U.S., I’ve seen the contrast between American and Chinese reception of homosexuality. Even with China’s increasing liberalism, Chinese tongzhi still face much more discrimination and misunderstanding than Western gays.

Mr. Lo, I know from a fellow colleague’s research that most homosexuals sense that they have same-sex attraction sometime between the ages of 5 and 20—in fact, most realize such desires at puberty or even earlier. From what you’ve told me, you have never felt a desire for men. You were drawn to the gay night club to have questions answered and your mind appeased, not to seek a sexual interaction with a man—in fact, your visit is a great example of the heterosexual community finally merging with the homosexual one. You felt, as you mentioned, comfortable with discussing issues of sexual identity with whom you thought was a tongzhi, a sensitive topic that you’re probably hesitant to bring up with family and friends. You see, with remnants of traditional social pressures still lingering in Shanghai, many gay men prefer “coming out” to a tongzhi circle of acquaintances, rather than straight co-workers and relatives. It is not strange that you, even as a heterosexual, felt a similar openness upon meeting Mr. Wu. Homosexuality in China was still believed to be a mental disorder until 2001. Thus, it’s not surprising that you felt much fear upon entering Glamour Bar and Lounge—especially with your reputable career and your marriage, you believed that you were putting such precious areas of your life at risk. Do not confuse terror of breaking traditional social norms and guilt for Feng’s suicide with a mistaken sexual identity.

L: I see… I see…

W: Your recent distracted and unproductive behavior at work is a result of all these tangled thoughts and emotions. You must come to terms with your actions—your solo trip to the karaoke bar, your encounter with Mr. Wu. Now, hopefully I have reassured you of your heterosexuality—but you must still deal with how you’ll grieve for Feng’s death, without mixing mourning with a questioning of who you are. You also must confront the issue of keeping a secret from Hsiao Hu—I cannot tell you what to do, whether to confide in your wife or not, but if you feel that disclosure will bring you peace of mind and return your efficiency as a Jiangxi employee, than revealing the truth may be something you might want to consider.

You cannot let death trickle into your everyday life, both the private and public realms of it. Hsiao Hu sounds like an approachable and extremely understanding woman—but in the end, it will be up to you to choose to share with her or not what has been truly darkening your demeanor.

End of interview session.

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Refer to patient file for additional information.

▪ Past Medical/Psychiatric History.

▪ Family/Social/Educational/Substance Abuse History.

▪ Labs & Test Results.

▪ Mental State Examination.

▪ Assessment/Diagnosis/Plan.

Physician Signature _______________________

Shanghai Mental Health Center 600 Wan Ping Nan Road Shanghai, 200030 The People’s Republic of China

Dr. Gong Quo

Date ____________