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June ISSUE 2021
ASCENSION LIFE
Do unto others as you want done unto yourself
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Forgiveness Perspective #4
Heather Bieber, Editor and Author www.themysticalchild.com
JUNE ISSUE 2021
Forgiveness 101
Author : Heather Bieber
The Mirriam-Webster’s dictionary defines forgiveness as “to cease to feel resentment against (an offender).” What is the purpose of forgiveness? How does one really forgive? Is forgiveness something you feel? For answers, I turned to social media. From L.A. to Australia, I received answers from people from all walks of life. Who knew forgiveness was such a big word?
Heather Bieber
According to Psychology Today, there are many definitions of forgiveness; research suggests there are three common factors:
1. Gaining a more balanced view of the offender and the event.
If we can truly forgive, we become stronger and better humans overall.”
2. Decreasing negative feelings towards the offender and potentially increasing compassion.
Rebecca B. from Australia: “Accepting we are all human and far from perfect. That we all make mistakes. Remembering what we liked about that person in the beginning and dwelling on their positives.”
3. Giving up the right to punish the offender further or to demand restitution.
If letting go helps one forgive, then how do we deal with relentless memories reminding us of the deed that spited us?
Henry L. from Pennsylvania says: “Forgiveness is the third link in the triad with Love and Gratitude. All three define what it is to live an authentic human life. That said, I believe all forgiveness, like love, must start with one’s self. If you cannot forgive yourself, you will not be able to truly forgive others. And the deeper that goes, you come to realize that there is nothing to forgive. As for memories, we have a constant say in our interpretation of them, as they, like dreams, exist for their own purpose. We can choose how we remember.”
Another form is self-forgiveness. As we move through a world that is hindered with trip-ups, don’t let the small stuff take over to fester and cause illness or physical symptoms. Forgive yourself as much as you would forgive others. Shame and guilt build as a negative aspect in your life.
According to an article on PsychologyToday.com, author Beverly Engel L.M.F.T. tells us: “Self-forgiveness is not only recommended but absolutely essential if we wish to become emotionally healthy and have peace of mind. It goes like this: The more shame you heal, the more you will be able to see yourself more clearly—the good and the bad. You will be able to recognize and admit how you have harmed yourself and others. Your relationships with others will change and deepen. More importantly, your relationship with yourself will improve.”
Forgiveness brings one peace of mind and frees him or her from corrosive emotions like guilt and shame. True forgiveness requires positive feelings toward the offender, at least involving letting go of deeply held negative feelings. In that way, it empowers one to recognize the pain suffered without letting the pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life.
