The Flamingo Family

Sarah McGeough – Author & Book Coach

Adopting our son has been a remarkable and emotional journey.

We tried for a child for 5 years. At one point we felt like giving up. After two rounds of IVF, an ectopic pregnancy, a diagnosis of adenomyosis and then sadly a hysterectomy, it felt like we were never going to have the family we wanted. In all that time we had never considered adoption, but why not?

Adoption can give a child another chance at having stability, a family to love and a secure home. Even reading the recent statistics, they show a shocking reality of the crisis many children face in their young lives. In England there were 80,050 children in the care system in 2021 and only 2,870 were adopted.

We have found adoption to be extremely rewarding. Our life is more fulfilling and, ultimately, we want to do everything we can to give our son the best start. Our journey to becoming parents was unexpected and difficult. We were so close to giving up, but realise that if we had not considered adoption, then we would never have met our son. He brings so much joy and we could never imagine life without him. We believe we were meant to find one another. The adoption process is a long one. It took us 3 years to be matched and we often found it challenging and complex. Children come into care for many reasons, and sometimes in horrific circumstances, so it is essential social services do their best to ensure every child is matched with the right family.

Adoption is a sensitive subject, but it needs to be talked about more openly to raise awareness. It can bring so much happiness, but of course not being able to live with your birth family is never what a child would have wanted. There are many layers that can often be overlooked: Deep-rooted trauma, a real sense of loss and a need to understand their identity and birth families’ background. This does not go away just because you have been adopted.

We openly discuss adoption with our son, which is encouraged from a young age, to ensure there are no surprises as he grows older. It is important he knows we are honest with him, so there are no questions that go unanswered.

As our son became a toddler, and we started to show him his Life Story Book, I still felt there was more I could do to help him understand his start in life. So, during lockdown I decided to write my first children’s book, Eddy Finds a Family. I wanted to create a colourful and engaging story so that all children could understand adoption in a clearer and more realistic way. It explains both the parent and child’s journey through adoption. My son often asks, ‘How did you find me?’ and, ‘Was I lost?’ as he is interested to know how we came together to be a family. He loved being involved and was my chief editor, asking questions about the characters and commenting on illustrations.

My second book, Eddy Feels at Home, was endorsed by Adoption UK in 2021 and I have plans to continue to expand The Flamingo Family over the coming years. I have been delighted by the response to my books and have had wonderful comments and photos sent to me by many parents. I also see a difference in my son, as he now identifies with Eddy, talks openly about adoption and recognises both books relate to his own life story. I am passionate about finding ways in which the adoption community can feel included in day-to-day society. I think it is key for adoption to be discussed openly in mainstream primary education and I’m working on launching a school pack in 2023 to help all children understand adoption in a positive way.