The Impact Of Young Children On Marriage: A Dad’s Perspective

Written by the co-founders of Hank, Henry King & Gregg Stone

It’s no secret that children can have a huge impact on your marriage. It’s normal for couples to experience all sorts of changes when they go from being just the two of them to becoming a family. Your life goes from being relatively uncomplicated to a ton of responsibility and not a small amount of stress, almost overnight. Increased financial pressures, lack of time for one another, and tension due to lack of sleep or parenting styles can all take their toll on a relationship.

While it’s easy to focus on the negatives of adding a child into the marital mix; a child is one of the most life-affirming experiences a union can create. The shared journey of conception, pregnancy, birth and the allencompassing chaos of the early years will give you a shared bond, memories and a sense of fulfilment and achievement that is hard to surpass. It will also come with not inconsiderable challenges.

Young children can challenge long-held beliefs and traditional roles. Men may find themselves able to empathize more with their wives or be more involved in the early stages of parenting than they had ever expected. Women may be surprised to discover strength they never knew they had and take on new roles that challenge their traditional identities. Although it can be difficult for couples to adjust to these changing dynamics, it can be an essential part of creating a strong marriage in the long run.

It’s important for parents to remember that their relationship also needs attention and priority, even when the kids are in the picture. No matter how busy life gets, it is essential for couples to make time for each other and carve out moments or shared activities that don’t involve the children. A month can go by and you suddenly realise you’ve barely seen or spoken to each other, except for arranging family logistics.

The needs of a child are relentless and all-encompassing. It’s all too easy to prioritise those and get stuck in the dayto-day firefighting, forgetting your other most important relationship, which also requires time and effort. There are small, inexpensive but powerful changes you can make to maximise your time as a couple and carve out some ‘me time’.

Limit evening screen time. We are all guilty of the soothe scroll trap but it truly brings nothing positive and steals your evening.

Agree on alternate evenings for cooking dinner so you can each take a turn exercising, having a quick drink or call with a friend or taking a good book to the bath.

Eat dinner together. A good box set can definitely be bonding but checking in with each other over dinner is far more important and there’s plenty of time for TV afterwards.

Commit to one date a month and take turns organising it. If childcare costs are prohibitive then a reciprocal arrangement with a local friend or family member is a great way around this. Say a proper goodnight to each other, discuss your day, discuss your child and other things in your life.

An unexpected text message during the day brings a little bit of dating excitement back. Not just photos of your adorable child but messages between you and your partner to keep in fun and positive.

Encouraging your other half to see their friends is a great way to help them maintain their identity outside of ‘parent’ and allows them to blow off some much-needed steam.

Looking after yourself. Exercise, new clothes, a tidy home and eating well have an enormous impact on your self-worth, which has a knock-on effect on all of your relationships, particularly romantic ones.

Be kind. Tiredness and crossness tend to go hand in hand. Do whatever it takes not to snap at each other and if you do, apologise. Explain you’re struggling and acknowledge you’re in the wrong. If you are snapped at, don’t sulk. Try not to take it personally and be proactive as to where your partner is struggling. If you can find some laughter in there it really helps.

Website: hellohank.co.uk

Ultimately, while parenting young children can present unique challenges and requires you to find ways to compromise when disagreements arise, it certainly doesn’t have to be detrimental to a marriage. With open communication between each other, couples can come out of this stage of life with a stronger bond than ever before. After all, no matter what the kids throw at you, you are in this together.

Celebrate your love and your new addition, and remember the fun and life you had before they were around. In the words of the Beatles, love is all you need and with a new child, you will certainly have lots of that.