Looking for Love in ALL the wrong places

Faithful Utterances

BY DR. FROSWA BOOKER-DREW

Recently, there was a brouhaha that ignited a storm. Gabrielle Union’s comments in the Los Angeles Times sent the metaverse a blaze: “Gabrielle Union has opened up about her “dysfunctional” marriage to Chris Howard, saying the only thing they had in common was seeing “other people.” Union admitted she “felt entitled” to cheat on her first husband, who allegedly also cheated on her. The “Bring It On” actor, 50, and the former NFL player, 47, were married from 2001 to 2006. “Neither one of us felt like the marriage should get in the way of our dating,” Union said…. I was paying all the bills. I was working my ass off, and I felt like that’s what comes [with] the spoils of riches and, like my dad before me, whoever has the most gets to do whatever the hell they want — is what I thought. And it was just dysfunctional from Day One.”

Social media chimed in to comment. The logic of being the breadwinner as a pass for cheating left many dumbfounded. I think many missed the root of the problem: She states, “We were gifted therapy, and the first session, the therapist was like ... ‘You have not one thing in common — no morals, no values, no scruples. The one thing you both have in common is other people. ... So why don’t you just go be with other people….she was “horny for validation” and the rush of attracting “certain kinds of guys” who made her feel like she was “worthy and good and valuable and deserving.”

In our society, there is a sense of urgency that we all seem to feel. We have a timeline for our lives—to go to pose, our path, and our decisions. In doing so, we would connect to people who would complement our destiny instead of confuse us.

When you don’t know who you are or WHOSE you are, the desire is to seek external validation and in doing so, our decisions are led by emotions and the opinions of others. How can we cultivate ourselves to raise, mentor tract someone who will continue to rob you of the little you have. Pour into yourself through God’s love and Word to remind you that you deserve more. God has given you more! “So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” (1 John 4:16).

I believe Gabrielle recog- school, graduate, go to college/get a job, get married, purchase a home, have kids, work, get promoted, watch the kids grow up and just fade into the sunset until we die. The problem with this timeline is that while we spend so much time trying to accomplish these ‘goals’ as the path to success, that along the way, we don’t develop our character or our integrity. We are so busy seeking to be in a relationship or have children to validate who we are, that we don’t take the time to understand what matters to us and most importantly, what matters to God about our pur- and be an example of what it looks like to be a person who is WHOLE??? Wholeness requires us to recognize that no one else can make you complete. Your relationship with God is what creates your completeness. “So you also are complete through your union with Christ.” (Colossians 2:10)

When we seek money as the end goal or other people to fulfill us and make us whole, we are going to make decisions that do not serve us well. We not only damage our mental health, but the trauma and wounding caused can even paralyze us. If you have nothing to give—you will at- nizes the lack of love and toxicity in her first marriage. It’s about time we understand those things that are toxic in our lives---that us cause to lose our souls in order to stay in relationships, personally and professionally, that make us lost, looking for love in all the wrong places.