Chicago Reader: print issue of February 11, 2016 (Volume 45, Number 18)

C H I C A G O ’ S F R E E W E E K LY | K I C K I N G A S S S I N C E 1 9 7 1 | F E B R U A R Y 1 1 , 2 0 1 6

Theater A review of the Mamet play Mamet didn’t want reviewed 17

food & Drink Immm Rice & Beyond introduces Uptown to Thai street food. 30

LOVE: IT’S COMPLICATED p.10

2 CHICAGO READER - FEBRUARY 11, 2016 © 2016 Goose Island Beer Co., Goose IPA®, India Pale Ale, Chicago, IL, Baldwinsville, NY, & Fort Collins, CO | Enjoy responsibly.

THIS WEEK

C H I C AG O R E A D E R | F E B R UA RY 1 1 , 2 01 6 | VO LU M E 4 5, N U M B E R 1 8

TO CONTACT ANY READER EMPLOYEE, E-MAIL: (FIRST INITIAL)(LAST NAME) @CHICAGOREADER.COM

EDITOR JAKE MALOOLEY CREATIVE DIRECTOR PAUL JOHN HIGGINS DEPUTY EDITOR, NEWS ROBIN AMER CULTURE EDITOR TAL ROSENBERG FILM EDITOR J.R. JONES MUSIC EDITOR PHILIP MONTORO ASSOCIATE EDITORS KATE SCHMIDT, KEVIN WARWICK, BRIANNA WELLEN SENIOR WRITERS STEVE BOGIRA, MICHAEL MINER, MIKE SULA SENIOR THEATER CRITIC TONY ADLER STAFF WRITERS LEOR GALIL, DEANNA ISAACS, BEN JORAVSKY, AIMEE LEVITT, PETER MARGASAK, JULIA THIEL SOCIAL MEDIA EDITOR RYAN SMITH GRAPHIC DESIGNER SUE KWONG MUSIC LISTINGS COORDINATOR LUCA CIMARUSTI EDITORIAL ASSISTANT CASSIDY RYAN CONTRIBUTING WRITERS NOAH BERLATSKY, DERRICK CLIFTON, MATT DE LA PEÑA, ANNE FORD, ISA GIALLORENZO, JOHN GREENFIELD, JUSTIN HAYFORD, JACK HELBIG, DAN JAKES, BILL MEYER, J.R. NELSON, MARISSA OBERLANDER, DMITRY SAMAROV, ZAC THOMPSON, DAVID WHITEIS, ALBERT WILLIAMS INTERNS MANUEL RAMOS, CHRIS RIHA

IN THIS ISSUE 8

18

20

MUSIC

20 Feature The Funs make a complicated Valentine’s Day mix.

26 Shows of note Des Ark, Chili-Synth Cook-Off, Parquet Courts, Fetty Wap, and more 4 Agenda King Lear at Chicago Shakes, “Bike Winter Art Show,” the film In the Shadow of Women, and more recommendations

CITY LIFE

8 Street View Roommates from Saint Louis rock the grunge warrior look.

8 The Contrarian After 40 years, Black History Month’s abolition is overdue.

9 Joravsky | Politics Rahm or Rauner? Take Ben’s quiz about the pols’ dastardly deeds.

15 Valentine’s Day events Boozy brunch, lady arm wrestlers, embarrassing entries from teen diaries, and much more

ARTS & CULTURE

17 Theater A review of the David Mamet play David Mamet didn’t want reviewed 17 Lit What it’s like to live in the world’s largest refugee camp.

18 Visual Art “Monster Roster’” confirms Chicago’s significance in midcentury American art.

19 Small Screen The X-Files’s obsession with UFOs seems quaint in the era of the super PAC.

FOOD & DRINK

30 Review: Immm Rice & Beyond In Uptown, a unique-to-Chicago model specializing in khao rad gang 32 Booze Quincy Street Distillery brings a rare style of whiskey back to Illinois.

30

ON THE COVER: ILLUSTRATION BY KATIE CAREY. FOR MORE OF CAREY’S WORK GO TO KATIE-CAREY.COM.

FEATURE

CLASSIFIEDS

32 Jobs 32 Apartments & Spaces 35 Music & Bands 35 Straight Dope Can we pay for highways without a federal gas tax?

37 Savage Love Can a kinky introvert be compatible with a kinky extrovert?

38 Early Warnings Afrika Bambaataa, Beyonce, Freddie Gibbs, Hall & Oates, Wild Nothing, and more shows you should know about in the weeks to come 38 Gossip Wolf Abraham Levitan of Shame That Tune returns with the podcast Nerds on Tour, and more music news.

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VALENTINE’S DAY

Love: It’s complicated

A conflicted professional online girlfriend, a Tinder newb undergoing chemo, and other stories of thorny romance, heartbreak, and Valentine’s Day hate. 10

VALENTINE’S DAY HAS a funny, tragic way of complicating love and our attitude toward it. Hence the theme of this issue and the stories in it. Has a romantic relationship fallen apart in a way that still haunts you? Did your online dating life suddenly get strange—or scary?

Does V-Day drama have you mulling a vow of celibacy? Share your #LOVEISCOMPLICATED stories by tweeting at @CHICAGO_READER.

FEBRUARY 11, 2016 - CHICAGO READER 3

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Hunger Games: Mockingjay Pt. 2

4 CHICAGO READER - FEBRUARY 11, 2016

Body/Courage Danielle Pinnock started hating her body in junior high.

Her adolescence and early adulthood were full of diets and self-loathing. A few years ago, she started interviewing other people about how they felt about her bodies and transformed the interviews into a series of monologues. The subjects encompassed a wide range of ages, races, genders, and nationalities, and Pinnock embodied them all with skill, empathy, and humor. Now, in the project’s final incarnation, Pinnock has interwoven the monologues with her own story to show all the different ways people can feel uncomfortable in their own skin. The project helped her come to peace with herself. She hopes it will do the same for her audience. Her fantastic performance(s) and good humor far outweigh any preachiness. —AIMEE LEVITT Through 2/27: Thu-Fri 8 PM, Sat 4 and 8 PM; also Wed 2/24, 10 AM; Wed 2/17, 8 PM, Rivendell Theatre, 5775 N. Ridge, 773-334-7728, rivendelltheatre.org, $32, $22 students and seniors.

Estrella Cruz [The Junkyard Queen] Halcyon Theatre spent the last five years rehearsing in the old top-floor gymnasium at Christ Evangelical Lutheran Church. Now they’ve transformed it into their permanent theater, and it’s a quaint yet spacious marvel.

Unfortunately they’re christening it with Charise Castro Smith’s confounding, insubstantial 2011 play about a young Cuban-American woman who believes she’s from France, somehow becomes famous making commercials, and is then carried to hell by her invisible friend Bette Davis, who also works as a BBC reporter. Smith lines up scattershot quirky oddities for 80 minutes without establishing a coherent stage world where such peculiarities might convey meaning. It’s all tangent with no center.

Director Tony Adams’s moody, visually satisfying production features some engaging performances but could benefit from more varied pacing. —JUSTIN HAYFORD Through 2/27: Thu-Sat 8 PM,

Sun 6 PM, Christ Evangelical Lutheran Church, 3253 W. Wilson, 773-478-7941, halcyontheatre.org, $20.

Evicted! Each week in Shannon Noll and Alex Young’s “episodic sketch show,” the pair receives an eviction notice from their “evil landlord” and attempts to make good on a ridiculous amount of back rent. The duo was $16,000 in the hole on the night I attended, saddled with an overly friendly and attention-starved landlord (played by an appropriately annoying Meaghan Strickland) who seemed to want hang time just as much as the money owed to her. Shannon’s money-making plan to participate in a tickle party and Alex’s ability to “real estate” her way into Trump Tower were funny sketch fodder, but the 45-minute show could benefit from smoother transitions, tightened-up scenes, and fewer oddball ideas. —MARISSA OBERLANDER Through 3/3: Thu 8 PM, Annoyance Theatre, 851 W. Belmont, 773-697-9693, theannoyance. com, $8.

The Explorers Club Playwright Nell Benjamin erects easy targets for ridicule—self-congratulatory, myopic Victorian men (here a pack of pseudoscientists faced with the possibility of admitting a woman to their private club)—and tries to knock them down through farce. But the tenuous, underdeveloped plotting and two-note characters result in a middling two-hour wacky sitcom largely devoid of the heightened stakes that make farce farcical. Even the assemblage of three angry mobs—including the British army—bent on sacking the club never produces a palpable sense of danger. Part of the problem comes from director David H. Bell’s overly pleasant production, which rarely contains a sharp angle or bracing contrast despite some winning performances. Luckily there’s a bar in the lobby and a second onstage. —JUSTIN HAYFORD Through 4/17: Wed-Thu 7:30 PM, Fri-Sat 8 PM, Sun 3 PM (no show 3/27); also Sat 3/26, 3 PM, Windy City Playhouse, 3014 W. Irving Park, 312-374-3196, windycityplayhouse. com, $25-$55.

Falling Circus A typically weird old Joe Martin cartoon depicts a printing

press with a man’s body stuck in it. Two executives are standing nearby, and one says to the other, “This idea of yours, Jenson, about a human newspaper . . . I thought there was more to it.” Exactly.

When I heard that an octet of young writer-performers had put together a “Monty Python-style” sketch show, I was excited to see what they’d do to make Python’s signature physicality and absurdity their own. The wrong thing, it turns out. Imagine a Beatles tribute band that’s decided to write new Lennon-McCartney tunes and perform them as the Fab Four might. That’s what these folks mean by “Monty Python style.” They even speak with English accents and imitate Terry Jones’s screechy-lady voice.

The best I can say is that I’d like to see Abby Harvey in something completely different. Otherwise, Falling Circus is jaw-droppingly bad. I really thought there’d be more to it. —TONY ADLER Through 2/24: Wed 8 PM, Public House Theatre, 3914 N. Clark, 800-650-6449, pubhousetheatre.com, $10.

forming. It’s showing up in your best clothes and singing your best songs.

That’s what happens in Chicago Slam Works’ Incendium— a crew of actors sing or “slam” (as in poetry slam) their own written material to entertain the captive audience in hell. I love seeing actors have fun, and when these performers improvise around their pieces, they light up. The poetry, though, is on the whole quite bad, although I enjoyed Angela Oliver’s song “Emotionless Sex,” which brought the house down with laughter.

A fickle meter, the anapest (so serviceable to Clement Clark Moore on the night before Christmas) is the undoing of a lengthy parable about the theater life, although Nate Cheeseman tries.

Funnily enough, as this earnest cast insists, it turns out the afterlife is a lot like being a professional actor. You wait an eternity for the phone to ring, and when it does, you’re not supposed to pick up. —MAX MALLER Through 3/4: Fri 8:15 PM, Stage 773, 1225 W. Belmont, 773327-5252, chicagoslamworks.com, $20.

The Glass Menagerie Hans R Fleischmann’s 2012 adaptation of Tennessee Williams’s semiautobi-

King Lear The Belarus Free R Theater’s King Lear is visually inventive, endlessly stunning, and

R

The Old Friends For the first 45 minutes of this Raven Theatre production, a clot of boozy, middle-aged, ersatz Tex-

ographical masterpiece at Mary-Arrchie Theatre was a study in dramaturgy gone right, as is this luminous revival with the Hypocrites. In a gut-wrenching performance as the narrator, Tom—reimagined as a broken soul murmuring to himself in the gutter—Fleischmann (who also directed) goes from gnawing regret about the family he left behind to something resembling full-blown psychosis.

This exceptional production’s fine cast also features Joanne Dubach as Laura; haunting scenic and lighting design by Grant Sabin and Matt Gawryk and an original, never-intrusive score by Daniel Knox re-create the fractured, dreamlike experience Williams so poetically describes. Every bold choice amplifies every one of the play’s subtleties, making this—to my mind, at least—the definitive Glass Menagerie. —DAN JAKES Through 3/6: Thu-Fri 8 PM, Sat 3 and 8 PM, Sun 3 PM, Den Theatre, 1329-1333 N. Milwaukee, 773-609-2336, the-hypocrites. com, $28-$36.

Incendium Cabaret is about performing for the sake of per-

authentically great. As performed at Chicago Shakespeare Theater under the direction of Vladimir Shcherban—whose approach is at once wryly Beckettian yet full of a very un-Beckett-like exuberance—the production uses a trunkful of dirt to demystify the land wealth at the center of the conflict between Lear and his daughters, Slavic folk tunes to give that conflict a deep tribal resonance, and an exquisite, nestlike crown to tell us all we need to know about kingship and paternity. Aleh Sidorchyk’s thuggish, jolly Lear and Victoria Biran’s tormented, ungenerous Cordelia cast their fatherchild relationship in a brilliant new light.

The show is presented in Belarusian with English supertitles, so Anglophones will do well to look the play over before seeing it. —TONY ADLER Through 2/14: Wed-Fri 7:30 PM, Sat 8 PM, Sun 2 PM, Chicago Shakespeare Theater, 800 E. Grand, 312-595-5600, chicagoshakes. com, $48-$58.

Aleh Sidorchyk in King Lear ò ALEH SIDORCHYK

Best bets, recommendations, and notable arts and culture events for the week of February 11

remains vague and unarticulated about the characters and their motivations (especially Marie’s) for the changes in their behavior to cohere. A dark turn in the play’s second half feels like sheer authorial imposition. The cast of Natalie Sallee’s staging for the Arc Theatre manage to make the script’s sometimes lofty language sound natural, but the production is morose even when it’s supposed to be light. —ZAC THOMPSON Through 2/28: Thu-Sat 7:30 PM, Sun 3 PM, Actors Gymnasium, Noyes Cultural Arts Center, 927 Noyes, Evanston, 847328-2795, arctheatrechicago.org, $25, $18 students and seniors.

Bold Moves ò CHERYL MANN ans with accents from several imaginary southern states hang out in someone’s living room waiting to go to someone’s party somewhere. Two of them are married, maybe the rest are related. The old lady can’t stand living here anymore, who knows why, and when somebody offstage dies, she’s apparently really stuck. Granted, playwright Horton Foote, one of America’s most boring important playwrights, writes an exceptionally lifeless opening, but director Michael Menendian’s uncharacteristically shapeless scenes render it nearly opaque. Once it becomes clear that two former lovers are fitfully reuniting after three decades, there are people onstage to care about. Everyone else remains unpleasant and/or uninteresting all evening. —JUSTIN HAYFORD Through 3/26: Thu-Sat 7:30 PM, Sun 3 PM, Raven Theatre, 6157 N. Clark, 773-338-2177, raventheatre.com, $42, $37 seniors, $18 students, teachers, and military.

Other Letters A.R. Gurney’s Love Letters inspired this epistolary romance by Bryan Renaud and Carin Silkaitis. Like its source material, the play uses back-andforth correspondence to chart a couple’s decades-long entanglement, from childhood to middle age. But here both of the letter writers are of the same sex, introducing fresh societal obstacles into the characters’ record of longing and bad timing. The authors have written two versions of the script—one for two men and another for two women; they’re being presented by the Other Theatre Company in repertory and with different performers at each show. At the one I saw (which featured Alex Weisman and Will Allan seated at side-by-side tables and reading from scripts), the results were touching and tender. —ZAC THOMPSON Through 2/29: Sun-Mon 8 PM, Side Project Theatre Company, 1439 W. Jarvis, 773-973-2150, theothertheatrecompany.com, $20-$25.

The Things We Keep This new drama

by Mark Boergers jumps around in time to show how brothers Rob and Tom and their cousin, Evelyn, are shaped by their dealings with their aunt, Marie, an artist whose pack-rat tendencies eventually tip into hoarding. At the center of the story is a shared secret that paradoxically strengthens and corrodes the family’s ties. But too much

DANCE

Bold Moves The Joffrey’s winter R season includes the return of two pieces from its recent repertoire: Yuri

Possokhov’s Raku and Jiří Kylián’s Forgotten Land. 2/10-2/21: Wed-Fri 7:30 PM, Sat 2 and 7:30 PM, Sun 2 PM, Auditorium Theatre, 50 E. Congress, 800-982-2787, joffrey.org, $32-$155.

11 Warriors Jackie Chan’s Long R Yun Kung Fu dance troupe presents a performance combining

ballet, martial arts, and modern dance to celebrate the Chinese New Year. Sat 2/13, 7:30 PM, University of Chicago Logan Center for the Arts, 915 E. 60th, 773-702-2787, arts.uchicago.edu, $35-$65, VIP $125, students $25.

For more of the best things to do every day of the week, go to chicagoreader. com/agenda.

improv troupe the Hopeless Romantics, plus guest performers. Through 2/11: Thu 8 PM, Cornservatory, 4210 N. Lincoln, 773-650-1331, cornservatory.org, $12.

I Think, Therefore I’m Sorry R A sketch show exploring the plight of the modern woman dealing

with sexism. Through 2/25: Thu 8 PM, Crowd Theater, 3935 N. Broadway, thecrowdtheater.com, $5.

The Paper Machete The “salon in a saloon.” Comedians, writers, and storytellers discuss the week in pop culture and politics. Open run: Sat 3 PM, Green Mill, 4802 N. Broadway, 773-878-5552, thepapermacheteshow.com. F PopGoesAlicia Live Alicia Swiz R hosts a panel of three Chicagoans every month to talk pop culture and feminism. Open run: second Friday of the month, 8 PM, High-Hat Club, 1920 W. Irving Park, 773-697-8660, popgoesalicia. com, $10.

The Salmagundi Two unsuspecting house teams are paired up and given a challenge that changes on a weekly basis. Open run: Thu 10 PM, ComedySportz Theatre, 929 W. Belmont, 773-5498080 or 312-559-1212, comedysportzchicago.com, $5.

kids under 14; free for Illinois residents Thursdays 5-8 PM. Arts-o-Parts Pilsen “Partners in Crime,” the grand opening of the new gallery, features work by Chris Silva, Ghost Rat, Lauren Feece, and Stef G, plus music from Illanoiz and drinks from Breakroom Brewery. Fri 2/12, 6 PM. 1721 W. 18th.

Camp/Us Gallery “A History of Vellum,” the local designers of Black Market Caviar display their past print-screening work and debut their spring 2016 fashion collection. 2/16-2/20. 2883 N. Milwaukee, blackmarketcaviar.com.

Chicago Cultural Center “Strandbeest: The Dream Machines of Theo Jansen,” Strandbeests (“beach animals”) are the invention of 67-year-old Dutch artist and engineer Theo Jansen. Eight of these specimens will be on display at the exhibition, which also features sketches, “fossils,” video, and photography as well as daily demonstrations of Strandbeest movement. Through 5/1. Mon-Thu 8 AM-7 PM, Fri 8 AM-6 PM, Sat 9 AM-6 PM, Sun 10 AM-6 PM. 78 E. Washington, 312-744-

Supreme Love This year marks R the 50th anniversary of John Coltrane’s classic album A Love Supreme, and in its honor local tap group MADD Rhythms has joined with the Rajiv Halim Quartet for this collaborative performance. Fri 2/12, 7 PM, Harold Washington Cultural Center, 4701 S. King, 773-373-1900, hwccchicago.org, $15.

COMEDY R

Afro-Futurism Martin Marrow hosts this variety show featuring African-American performers from across the city, including Dave Helem, Shantira Jackson, and Felonious Munk.

Through 2/24: Wed 8 PM, Second City, 1616 N. Wells, 312-337-3992, secondcity. com, $10.

Blackout Diaries Comedians tell their most embarrassing drinking stories.

Open run: Sat 8 PM, High-Hat Club, 1920 W. Irving Park, 773-697-8660, highhat. club, $10.

R

The Brian Costello Show With Brian Costello A live talk show featuring guests like musician Tim Kinsella and the “inventors of Tinder,” George and Tammy Tinder. Fri 2/12, 6:30 PM, Hideout, 1354 W. Wabansia, 773-2274433, hideoutchicago.com, $7.

Forever Alone: Based on the Novel Single AF by Satire Dating advice from

I Think, Therefore I’m Sorry ò COURTESY THE ARTIST Margaret Smith Sun 2/14, 6 and 9 PM, Theater Wit, 1229 W. Belmont, 773-9758150, theaterwit.org, prices vary.

The Two-Hour Comedy Hour Weekly stand-up showcase. Open run: Sat 7-9 PM, Gallery Cabaret, 2020 N. Oakley, 773-489-5471, gallerycabaret.com, $5 suggested donation, 21+.

VISUAL ARTS Art Institute of Chicago “Van Gogh’s Bedrooms,” a collection of Vincent van Gogh’s paintings of his bedroom in Arles, France, from 1888 to 1889. 2/145/10. Sun–Wed 10:30 AM–5 PM, Thu-Fri 10:30 AM–8 PM, Sat 10:30 AM–5 PM. 111 S. Michigan, 312-443-3600, artinstituteofchicago.org, $23, $17 students, seniors ($5 discount for Chicago residents), free

6630, chicagoculturalcenter.org.

Motor Gallery “Bike Winter Art Show,” a show featuring artwork on bicycles.

The night includes music from DJ Jivefresh and drinks from Motor Row Brewing. Fri 2/12, 5:30-11 PM. 2345 S. Michigan, 312-533-2140.

Smart Museum of Art “Monster Roster: Existentialist Art in Postwar Chicago,” an exhibit featuring the work of postwar artists. For more, see page 18. 2/11-6/12. Tue-Fri 10 AM-4 PM (Thu till 8 PM), Sat-Sun 11 AM-5 PM. University of Chicago, 5550 S. Greenwood, 773-7020200, smartmuseum.uchicago.edu.

Vertical Gallery “Winter Group Show,” a group exhibition in which all artists contribute two pieces of work measuring 24 x 24 inches. Through 2/27. 1016 N. Western, verticalgallery.com. µ

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FEBRUARY 11, 2016 - CHICAGO READER 5

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AGENDA 7 PM, Hideout, 1354 W. Wabansia, 773-227-4433, hideoutchicago.com, $10.

MOVIES

More at chicagoreader.com/ movies NEW REVIEWS Arabian Nights For this R 2015 trilogy of dramatic features—subtitled The Restless One

Kenyatta Rogers ! COURTESY RHINO POETRY Omnibus A live-lit show R featuring all things related to comic books. Tue 2/16, 8 PM, iO

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Theater, 1501 N. Kingsbury, ioimprov. com/chicago, $12.

Awkward Phase launch R party The Annoyance Kenyatta Rogers The poet celebrates the release of the TumR reads his work to celebrate blr-turned-book with performances the opening of the museum’s new from contributors Robert Bacon, Irene Marquette, and Wes Perry.

Mon 2/15, 7:30 PM, Annoyance Theatre, 851 W. Belmont, 773-697-9693, theannoyance.com.

Contemporary Collection. Wed 2/17, noon, Art Institute of Chicago, 111 S. Michigan, 312-443-3600, artinstituteofchicago.org, free with museum admission.

Empty Bottle Book Club Sari Wilson The author R On the bill this time around: R discusses her new novel, Girl a discussion of Alison Bechdel’s Through the Glass. Thu 2/11, 7 PM,

graphic memoir Are You My Mother? Tue 2/16, 6:30 PM, Empty Bottle, 1035 N. Western, 773-276-3600, emptybottle.com.

Korby Lenker The author R reads from his first book, Medium Hero. Thu 2/11, 6:30 PM,

City Lit Books, 2523 N. Kedzie, 773235-2523, citylitbooks.com.

Book Cellar, 4736 N. Lincoln, 773293-2665, bookcellarinc.com.

Write Club Host Ian BelkR nap pits local writers against one another in a composition

competition: two players have seven minutes to write about two opposing ideas, and the audience picks each round’s winner. Tue 2/16,

(125 min.), The Desolate One (131 min.), and The Enchanted One (125 min.)—Portuguese director Miguel Gomes uses One Thousand and One Nights, the classic collection of Middle Eastern and southeast Asian folktales, to consider his country’s recent fiscal crisis.

Coscripted with Mariana Ricardo and Telmo Churro, the films deftly blend political satire, escapist fable, and reporting on the unemployed.

Gomes appears onscreen as a filmmaker who, caught breaking a 2012 state law on cinema, offers stories for a reduced sentence; enter Scheherazade (Crista Alfaiate), the beautiful storyteller of the book, whose vignettes, drawn from present-day news items, are infused with magic realism.

An anti-authoritarian thread links segments involving a rooster that’s charged with disturbing the peace, a song contest for illegally trapped chaffinches, a protest march of rowdy off-duty policemen, and a committee of international bankers cursed with extreme erections.

The films are enchanting for their irony, their humanity, and their reflexiveness. In Portuguese with subtitles. —BILL STAMETS 125 min.

The Restless One: Fri 2/12, 2 PM, and Mon 2/15, 7:30 PM. The Deso-

late One: Fri 2/12, 7:30 PM; Sat 2/13, 3:30 PM; and Tue 2/16, 7:30 PM. The Enchanted One: Sun 2/14, 4:30 PM; Wed 2/17, 6 PM; and Thu 2/18, 7:30 PM. Gene Siskel Film Center Bridgend Danish documenR tary maker Jeppe Rønde based this 2015 dramatic feature

debut on a real-life grouping of nearly 80 teen suicides, almost all hangings, that took place between 2007 and ’12 in the small Welsh province of Bridgend County. His research, which included more than five years of talking to Bridgend teens, led to many locals being cast in the film, but Rønde wisely refrains from trying to explain events that have baffled parents, church officials, and journalists worldwide. Instead he introduces his characters—a new teen in town and her cop father—and builds eerie atmosphere around the gorgeous Welsh landscapes and forests, where the town’s teenagers have constructed a complex set of beliefs and rituals to counteract an adult world of restriction and hypocrisy. This is no horror movie, though it does have a hell of a haunting finish. —DAVE CANFIELD 108 min. Fri 2/12, 7 and 9 PM; Sat 2/13, 5, 7, and 9 PM; Sun 2/14, 1, 3, 5, and 7 PM; Mon 2/15, 7 and 9 PM; Tue 2/16, 7 and 9 PM; Wed 2/17, 7 and 9 PM; and Thu 1/18, 7 and 9 PM. Facets Cinematheque Deadpool Ryan Reynolds vanquishes the ghost of his failed Green Lantern franchise and reclaims his squandered villain role from Wolverine (2013) as the titular antihero in this raunchy Marvel action flick. As directed by Tim Miller (Scott Pilgrim vs. the World), the story of a mercenary transformed into a fast-healing superhuman

runs on snide comedy, with a nice romance, some drama, and hardcore action sequences thrown in for good measure. The film is packed with in-jokes (it has more pop culture references than the average Gilmore Girls episode) and gratuitous gore, which is almost always played for laughs. Fans of X-Men will gobble it up, especially lewd teenage boys; newcomers to the Marvel Universe may miss some of the best zingers. With Morena Baccarin, Ed Skrein, and T.J. Miller. —LEAH PICKETT R, 104 min. ArcLight Chicago, Century 12 and CineArts 6, Cicero Showplace 14, City North 14, Crown Village 18, Ford City, Lake, New 400, River East 21, Showplace 14 Galewood Crossings, Showplace ICON, 600 N. Michigan, Webster Place Hail, Caesar! Backed by Universal Pictures, Joel and Ethan Coen revisit the Hollywood satire of Barton Fink (1991), tossing together cartoonish Tinseltown archetypes (George Clooney as a dumbbell screen idol, Tilda Swinton as a pair

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How to Be Single This R charming and frequently hilarious romp jumbles the stale

conventions of the rom-com genre to delicious effect. Nominally based on a book by Liz Trucillo, the inci-

Hail, Caesar!

A UTH E NTI C PH I LLY C H E E S E STEA KS!

S P DR EC INK IA LS

of identical-twin gossip columnists) and swell parodies of MGM classics (an Esther Williams-style water ballet starring Scarlett Johansson, a Gene Kelly-style dance number starring Channing Tatum). The centerpiece of it all is a real person—Eddie Mannix (Josh Brolin), the legendary MGM “fixer” who specialized in tamping down scandals involving the studio’s contract players—though the historical reference points are so muddled that the two-day story would have to be taking place from the early 1940s to the late ’50s. This is fairly amusing if you can get past the Coens’ erasure of the anticommunist witch hunts, which destroyed hundreds of lives. —J.R. JONES PG-13, 106 min. Century 12 and CineArts 6, Lake, Landmark’s Century Centre, River East 21, 600 N. Michigan

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child (Günes Sensoy). Ergüven and cowriter Alice Winocour have a keen understanding of teenage impetuosity and adult cruelty, visually and aurally assisted by David Chizallet’s fluid rack-focus cinematography and Warren Ellis’s sensuous score. In Turkish with subtitles. —ANDREA GRONVALL 97 min. Fri 2/12, 7:45 PM; Sat 2/13, 3:45, 5:45, and 7:45 PM; Sun 2/14, 3:45, 5:45, and 7:45 PM; Mon 2/15, 7:45 PM; Tue 2/16, 7:45 PM; and Thu 2/18, 7:45 PM. Facets Cinematheque; also Wilmette

In the Shadow of Women sive script bucks expectations at almost every turn, from a May-December couple (Leslie Mann, Jake Lacy) toying with gender roles to a bawdy-best-friend type (Rebel Wilson) who blasts the adorable lead (Dakota Johnson) for losing herself in men. This may be an escapist ode to singlehood—the heroine is a beautiful, stylish twentysomething with a gorgeous New York City apartment—but at least it’s bold enough to stick with its “love yourself first” message. Christian Ditter directed; with Alison Brie and Anders Holm. —LEAH PICKETT R, 110 min. ArcLight Chicago, Century 12 and CineArts 6, Cicero Showplace 14, City North 14, Crown Village 18, Ford City, Lake, New 400, River East 21, Showplace 14 Galewood Crossings, Showplace ICON, 600 N. Michigan, Webster Place 11 In the Shadow of Women In R this mordantly funny drama (2015) from French writer-director

Philippe Garrel (Regular Lovers), a husband-and-wife team of documentary filmmakers work on a project about the French resistance while their personal lives are roiled by mutual infidelity.

Shooting in black and white, Garrel uses a panoramic frame (2.39:1) to stress the characters’ closeness (or lack thereof), and the players waltz through his simple, neatly structured script (especially Clotilde Courau as the dependent, suffering wife and Lena Paugam as the husband’s graduate-student lover).

An offscreen narrator (Louis Garrel, the director’s son) drily exposes the chauvinism of the husband (Stanislas Merhar), who treats his own affair as a man’s prerogative but his wife’s as the vilest betrayal. His ultimate comeuppance, in a beautifully deployed plot twist, proves the title’s assertion that ladies always get the last laugh. In French with subtitles. —J.R. JONES 73 min. Fri 2/12, 6 PM; Sat 2/13, 8 PM; Sun 2/14, 3 PM; Mon 2/15, 6 PM; Mon 2/15, 8:15 PM; Tue 2/16, 6 PM; Wed 2/17,

8:30 PM; and Thu 2/18, 6:00 PM. Gene Siskel Film Center Misconception Marjorie R Keller was a major American experimental filmmaker from the

1970s until her untimely death in 1994 at age 43, though in keeping with our habitual neglect of avantgrade cinema, none of her work is even listed on the Internet Movie Database. This lyrical and provocative documentary (1977) may be her best-known film, a graphic examination of a friend’s natural childbirth that offers a feminine corrective to the similarly themed Window Water Baby Moving (1959) by her mentor Sam Brakhage.

Whereas Brakhage idealized motherhood and the “magic of childbirth,” Keller emphasizes the pain (as well as the joy) of the process: using grainy Super-8, extreme close-ups, and nonlinear editing, she follows an expectant mother from late pregnancy through nativity in a precise six-part structure.

The effect is one of impressively controlled chaos. —MICHAEL GLOVER SMITH 43 min. Also on the program: Keller’s Daughters of Chaos (1980); a discussion follows the screening, with filmmaker Saul Levine and film scholar P. Adams Sitney. Thu 2/18, 6 PM. Gene Siskel Film Center

R

Mustang In this Turkish drama, director Deniz Gamze Ergüven shows, with varying degrees of subtlety, how fear, especially when it’s a product of misogyny or xenophobia, can corrode an insular society. Five orphaned sisters revel in nature and their youthful energy until an innocent romp on the beach scandalizes a provincial village neighbor. The girls’ alarmed grandmother and violent uncle quickly hide them from sight and turn the family home into a gated fortress where they prepare the sisters for the domestic drudgery of arranged marriages; faraway Istanbul becomes the beacon of freedom for the youngest

Wednesday, May 9 In this 2015 debut feature, Iranian director Vahid Jalilvand takes a bleak look at modern-day Tehran in three interconnected stories. When a mysterious philanthropist puts an ad in the newspaper offering cash to someone in need, an unruly crowd forms in the street below his office. Among them are a working-class mother (Niki Karimi) whose paralyzed, incontinent husband requires expensive surgery and a young bride (newcomer Sahar Ahmadpour) whose husband will stay in prison without blood money to pay off the man he injured in self-defense. Karimi, one of Iran’s most-lauded actresses, has a face as pained and iconic as the woman in Dorothea Lange’s famous photograph Migrant Mother.

Merciless and at times difficult to watch, this is a powerful portrait of feminine strength in the face of great suffering. In Persian with subtitles. —ADAM MORGAN Sat 2/13, 8 PM, and Sun 2/14, 3 PM. Gene Siskel Film Center Where to Invade Next Michael Moore persists in his lifelong mission to provoke liberals to paroxysms of rage, at least until the end credits roll and they start looking for a good restaurant. Armed with an American flag, Moore heads across the Atlantic to document how much better European governments treat their citizens, with episodes in Italy (where workers get months of vacation and paid leave every year), France (where school lunches rival the food at fine restaurants), Finland (which now ranks number one in education globally), Germany (where workers have a strong presence on corporate boards), Norway (whose legalization of drugs has caused a drop in addiction), etc.

The hit-and-run strategy precludes any meaningful consideration of how such successes might be transplanted from these smaller economies to the U.S., so as a rhetorical argument, or even a political blueprint, this falls apart almost as quickly as Moore can present it.

But the movie definitely has merit as a consciousness-raising exercise, alerting blinkered Americans to the fact that we deserve better. —J.R. JONES 110 min. River East 21 v

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FEBRUARY 11, 2016 - CHICAGO READER 7

CITY LIFE Ù

OUR MOST READ ARTICLES LAST WEEK ON CHICAGOREADER.COM IN ASCENDING ORDER: “This would have been the year for Chicago’s boondoggle Olympics” —BEN JORAVSKY

ò ISA GIALLORENZO

“Ravenswood’s Band of Bohemia needs some practice” —MIKE SULA “The Smashing Pumpkins and Liz Phair hit the road together, 22 years after an infamous takedown in the Reader” —PHILIP MONTORO

Street View

Soldier on

IT’S HARD TO BELIEVE BFFs Renata Wright (the singer/ songwriter known as Dragun) and Idris Weekly (the recording artist who goes by the name IkeZero) don’t waste time planning their outfits. The roommates from Saint Louis say coordinating is too contrived. Complementing each other is just “something that happens,” Wright says. The pair’s grungy warrior looks mix camo, footwear with a metallic sheen, and an upper layer that adds a pop of a primary color. Their sartorial influences run the gamut: the costume design of The Hunger Games films, characters from the Mortal Kombat video game series (namely Raiden and Kung Lao), RunD.M.C., fashions from feudal Japan, and even extreme sports. How do all those things come together? Follow them on Instagram at @ikezero and @teacupdragun to find out. —ISA GIALLORENZO See more Chicago street style on Giallorenzo’s blog chicagolooks.blogspot.com.

“The new VICE Guide to Chicago is basic as hell” —JAKE MALOOLEY

“How Chicago’s ‘Fraternal Order of Propaganda’ shapes the story of fatal police shootings” —YANA KUNICHOFF AND SAM STECKLOW Diameters of circles are proportional to the number of page views received.

The Contrarian

After 40 years, Black History Month’s abolition is overdue

Under President Gerald Ford, “Negro History Week” became Black History Month in 1976. Back when Jesse Jackson (far right) had an Afro. ò SUN-TIMES ARCHIVES

ON FEBRUARY 28, Chris Rock hosts the 88th Academy Awards ceremony—the “White BET Awards,” he tweeted last month, when for the second year in a row there were no black nominees in prominent categories and #OscarsSoWhite was taking off again.

Black History Month is like Chris Rock. It seems #AmericanHistorySoWhite we need something to acknowledge that, yes, there are black people here too. Ergo, Black History Month. That way, just like we can say, “Well, at least the host of the Oscars is black,” we can say, “Well, at least there’s Black History Month.”

“Am I supposed to be grateful?” asks Lorraine Touissant of Orange Is the New Black in a video for an Essence series on the meaning of the observance. As the old joke goes, it figures that it’s in February—the shortest month of the year. “And the coldest—just in case we want to have a parade,” Rock cracks in another video for the series.

Actually, Black History Month grew out of Negro History Week, which was founded in 1926 by African-American historian Carter G. Woodson. He chose the second week of February to honor the birthdays of Abraham Lincoln (February 12)

and Frederick Douglass (celebrated on February 14). It was rechristened and extended by Republican president Gerald Ford in 1976, the nation’s bicentennial, now 40 years ago.

Woodson started Negro History Week to address the subject’s absence from American history, especially as taught in public schools.

According to a paper on the origins and purpose of Black History Month by black conservative think-tanker Stacy Swimp, Woodson believed that “if white Americans knew the true history of blacks in America and in Africa, it would help overcome negative stereotyping.”

Ultimately, Swimp says, Woodson’s hope “was that someday a special week or month would no longer be required in order to appropriately honor black Americans and their accomplishments. Black history is American history—and a year-round school curricula relevant to all.”

Still, many esteemed writers and historians ignore black history and culture altogether. American critic Edmund Wilson’s 800-page tome Patriotic Gore was a “sensation” a la Thomas Picketty’s Capital in the 21st Century when it came out in 1962, during the Civil War centennial. The book has illuminating sections on

nearly 30 Civil War poets, statesmen, generals, and civilians, north and south. But Wilson considers only one black narrative, that of Charlotte Forten, the relatively privileged granddaughter of a freedman.

That’s it. Not even Frederick Douglass.

Granted, Wilson never pretended that the “studies” in Patriotic Gore were exhaustive. That doesn’t make his near-complete erasure of the black people who lived in the Civil War era any less appalling. Fact is, Yale historian David Blight writes in American Oracle: The Civil War in the Civil Rights Era, “Wilson simply took no interest in black literature, and seemed completely unaware of slave narratives.”

Well, OK, Wilson was a man of his time. That time has gone, though.

We’re still struggling with systematic racism more than four decades after the Civil Rights Act of 1964. A first step in coming to terms with America’s original sin, slavery, and its toxic legacy is to stop presenting American history as if it were white history with a few black cameos here and there.

As Rock has said, when you’re black every month is Black History Month. —KATE SCHMIDT

Ñ Keep up to date on the go at chicagoreader.com/agenda.

SURE THINGS THURSDAY 11

FRIDAY 12

SATURDAY 13

SUNDAY 14

MONDAY 15

TUESDAY 16

WEDNESDAY 17

E Th e Grand Budapest Hotel Chef David Ochs prepares a five-course meal inspired by Wes Anderson’s film set in 1930s Europe, complete with wine pairings.

The film will screen as guests dine. 7-10 PM, Morgan’s on Fulton, 950 W. Fulton Market, superawesomenight.com, $110.

^ Wild Onion Night Ma rket Local artists, musicians, and filmmakers— including Feeltrip Records, Lady Stainpunk, Space Oddities Chicago, and the Tiny Vegan—put their talents and goods on display. 6 PM, Township, 2200-2202 N. California, wildonionchicago. tumblr.com. F

~ Lu nar New Year Pa rade Parade floats and lion and dragon dancers make their way through the Uptown neighborhood in celebration of the Year of the Monkey. Neighbors can enjoy face painting and lantern making. 1 PM, 1121 W. Argyle, choosechicago.com. F

♥ Valenti ne’s Day This

One Year Ch ekhov: Th ree S isters After a year of exploring the Russian playwright’s characters and just one rehearsal, the players of One Year Chekhov perform the classic play. 7 PM, Hopleaf, 5148 N. Clark, oneyearchekhov.com. F

× Sauced Night Ma rket Daytime markets are overrated; embrace the nocturnal lifestyle and shop for artisan food items, art, and crafts. Tonight’s vendors include Barleywick, Happy Lobster, and Middle Brow Beer. 6-11 PM, Emporium Arcade Bar, 2363 N. Milwaukee, saucedmarket.com. F

E Trainspotting Sound Opinions hosts a screening of Irvine Welsh’s heroin-fueled film in celebration of the latter’s 20th anniversary. Welsh himself attends and participates in a Q&A following the movie. 7:15 PM, Music Box Theatre, 3733 N. Southport, musicboxtheatre.com, $12.

8 CHICAGO READER - FEBRUARY 11, 2016

year the city’s romantic offerings include a boozy brunch, lady arm wrestlers, love song karaoke, and embarrassing entries from teenage diaries.

For a full list of Valentine’s Day events, see page 15.

CITY LIFE

Read Ben Joravsky’s columns throughout the week at chicagoreader.com.

ably because he knows no one would believe him if he did. As far as I know, Rauner’s never dropped the F-bomb on Lewis. Though she’s said a few nasty things about him, including this when asked about his bankruptcy proposal: “Please don’t pay any attention to the ravings of a madman.”

I think everyone will agree that Karen can give as good as she gets.

Next question:

SUE KWONG

Who effectively snatched millions from the classroom with his provocative comments about CPS bankruptcy?

POLITICS

Pop quiz

The mayor and the governor have each done so much to undermine Chicago’s public schools. Can you tell which politician did which of these dastardly things?

By BEN JORAVSKY

W

ith Mayor Rahm and Governor Rauner both swinging wrecking balls, it’s hard to keep track of who’s done what damage to Chicago’s public schools over the past few days and weeks . . . and months and years. So much damage has already been done.

OK, we all know it was Emanuel who recently cut about $100 million in school spending because the teachers wouldn’t fall to the ground and say “Thank you, boss” after seeing his recent contract offer. Just as we know it’s Rauner who’s eager to bankrupt CPS so he can turn the system over to a consultant.

Maybe the guy who ran Flint’s waterworks is available.

But which politician showed his utter contempt for Chicago’s schoolchildren by saying 25 percent of them wouldn’t amount to anything, so why bother wasting money on them?

Got you with that one—didn’t I? On that note, I think it’s time I give you a guide to who’s said and done what to destroy public education in Chicago. Let’s take a little quiz, shall we?

Who declared war on the Chicago Teachers Union by taking advantage of the fine print in their contract to snatch away a 4 percent wage hike—on the grounds that greedy teachers gave children “the shaft”?

That was Mayor Rahm, in one of his first interactions with the schools back in 2011.

If you got that one wrong, it might be you were thinking of Rauner, who accused CTU of “routinely bribing our politicians with their union dues to get themselves outrageously generous pensions.”

Without of course mentioning that his private equity firm made millions managing teachers’ pension funds.

And you wonder why so many teachers can’t stand these two.

Next question . . .

Who ramped up the war with CTU by telling its president, “Fuck you, Lewis!”

That’s easy. It was the mayor talking to Karen Lewis back in August 2011—as part of his effort to win her over with his charming personality.

Emanuel doesn’t deny that he said it. Prob-

That’s Rauner, of course. He proposed a law in January to allow CPS to go bankrupt. Last week, right around the time Emanuel was looking to borrow hundreds of millions of dollars to pay operational costs, Rauner suggested that he appoint someone to oversee the schools now. Thus, Rauner undermined the creditworthiness of Chicago and forced Emanuel to pay more in interest. That means more money for bankers and less money for the classroom.

Of course, Rahm did a similar thing back in 2014 when he borrowed money to pay for a pre-K program instead of paying for it out of the budget.

Thus, the mayor used the educational needs of low-income children as an excuse to give up to $17 million in financing costs to some very wealthy bankers.

Chicago voters reelected him anyway. But I will refrain from making any disparaging comments about the electorate—this time around.

Ready for the next one?

Who paid homeless people to show up at hearings in an attempt to make it seem like poor black people wanted schools in their communities to be closed?

Mayor Emanuel—back in January 2012.

I’m pretty sure Rauner’s never paid homeless people to support his school policies. On the other hand, Rauner’s supporters have funneled about $640,000 in campaign funds to Democratic state rep Kenneth Dunkin.

Dunkin helped defeat the Democratic effort to fully restore Rauner’s cuts in child-care benefits for low-income parents.

Here’s a thought. If the Republicans give $700,000 to those homeless guys, maybe they’ll back Rauner’s budget cuts too.

Now . . .

Who’s helping the schools go broke by annually diverting more than $200 million in property taxes from CPS to a slush fund

that’s supposed to eradicate blight in low-income communities, but instead goes largely to the wealthiest parts of town?

C’mon, that’s easy. Every Reader reader knows I’m talking about Mayor Emanuel and the city’s tax increment financing program.

Rauner hasn’t devised anything as diabolical as the TIF scam—yet. But he did give up to $1.26 million a year in tax credits to ConAgra Foods, a Fortune 400 company, to move its corporate headquarters from Omaha to Chicago. Even though there’s a good chance they’d have moved here without the handout.

Why waste money on kids when you can give it to gazillionaires?

Which brings us to our original question . . .

It was Mayor Rahm who said that 25 percent of the kids in CPS wouldn’t amount to anything. Well, allegedly.

Karen Lewis says he said it to her when they met to break bread soon after he won the 2011 mayoral election, in response to Lewis pushing for improvements like smaller class size.

Emanuel vehemently denies he said it. Of course, he also denies having told a White House aide to “take your fucking tampon out and tell me what you have to say.”

So one might say the mayor’s credibility is a little strained on these denials.

Interestingly, Rauner allegedly offered up similar comments in a conversation with Diane Ravitch, a professor of education at New York University.

According to Ravitch, the conversation went like this . . .

Ravitch: It doesn’t seem fair that charters can exclude students with disabilities. That leaves them to public schools.

Rauner: That’s no problem for us. Kids who don’t speak English, we don’t have to take them.

Ravitch: That’s not fair.

Rauner: What’s wrong with not taking kids?

We don’t need kids whose families are not highly motivated. That’s our choice.

Ravitch: You smug, supercilious son of a . . .

Hold it! Ravitch didn’t say that last bit. I thought it, when I read her account of that exchange in a Chicago magazine article by Carol Felsenthal.

Rauner didn’t deny the conversation took place when Felsenthal called for comment.

Say what you will about Rauner—but unlike Emanuel, he’s not afraid to let everyone know exactly where he stands. v

v @joravben FEBRUARY 11, 2016 - CHICAGO READER 9

LOVE: IT’S COMPLICATED

Things got complicated when . . .

The men in the machine

How a professional online girlfriend’s virtual relationships scrambled her real-life romance.

By BRAD EINSTEIN ILLUSTRATIONS BY LAURA BREILING

By JAMI

JAY BENDT

. . . my girlfriend’s mother made me shotgun weed smoke into her mouth.

I

found a new job,” I told my boyfriend at the beginning of last summer. “As an online girlfriend. Part cam-girl, part therapist.”

“So guys would pay to see you naked?” he asked, clearly not thrilled by the idea.

“Well, yes. But they mostly want to pretend to have a relationship,” I explained. “They want someone to listen to them.”

I was 26, well past my crazy college years, but hadn’t lost the urge to seek out new and strange opportunities. Settled into a stable relationship,

10 CHICAGO READER - FEBRUARY 11, 2016

I was nonetheless dogged by feelings of physical inadequacy, a longing to be desired. My boyfriend was aware my part-time job wasn’t cutting it, and his open-mindedness was something that attracted me to him. So after giving it some thought, he gave his blessing.

I signed on to MyGirlFund, a “social networking” site that advertises the chance to meet “sexy, interesting girls you won’t find anywhere else.”

Its tagline: “The girl next door is now online. Connect with a virtual girlfriend.” I set up a profile

The horror is incremental.

“Of course you can step outside with us” turns into “Oh, you don’t mind us smoking?” turns into “That sucks about your lungs, sorry you can’t inhale” turns into “Sure, what favor?”

What favor, indeed.

I inhale—half from the joint I was hitting, half from the shock. She opens her mouth, a gaping, middle-aged maw lined with uniformly bleached gravestones, each one marking the demise of my innocence. Paralyzed by the abyss, my lips hover centimeters from hers, like a skittish bee over a dry, chapped flower. I exhale.

The smoke leaks from my lungs, and with it my dignity. Broken, I make eye contact with my girlfriend— her daughter—who stares back, smiling.

Later that night, my girlfriend thanks me for being such a good host to her mother. We date for one more year.

. . . I found out my summer crush was a billionaire.

How to avoid getting cursed out by a French heiress in the middle of a Manhattan Starbucks:

that looked much like a MySpace page from the early 2000s, if MySpace were covered in pink and hearts. I added what I hoped were alluring photographs: me licking my lips, staring off into the distance. Me unzipping my pencil skirt.

In the “About Me” field I tried to convey that I was smart, hip, and a coquette. Likes Game of Thrones, hockey, playing. Dislikes aggressive drivers who try to kill me on my bike. The site seemed fun—and like a relatively lucrative opportunity: men would pay a buck to message me, $4 per minute for sexy video chat.

As the messages soon began rolling in, I found I’d misjudged the guys who subscribed to the site. I’d assumed they would all be sad sacks, basement dwellers who needed to pay up in order to see some lady parts. In fact, many mentioned having girlfriends; they weren’t lonely, they were bored. They saw this site as a safe alternative to cheating. (I’d argue about the ethics of jerking off to a naked woman you’re paying on the regular, but who am I to judge?)

While most men also used the site to spill secrets—how frustrated they were with their wives, how their partners didn’t understand them—some sought to fulfill stranger requests.

For $40, I did deep knee bends in black undies and pink ankle socks while my boyfriend took closeup shots with the fancy camera I’d originally purchased for my DIY crafts blog.

My youngest repeat customer was 22. The oldest, a gentleman in his mid-40s, once flung his laptop to the floor while we were in the midst of touching ourselves. “Dad,” I overheard a teenager’s voice say, “where are the keys to the lawn mower?”

I felt a little pity for these married men—and a lot of power over them. A New Yorker offered me $5,000 to visit him. While I politely demurred, inside I thought: He thinks I’m worth that much.

Each new client brimmed with potential. Each was another man I could make want me. Soon I was spending more time as a fake Internet girlfriend than as a real girlfriend. I worked on the site all night, every night. My long-suffering boyfriend put on headphones and played video games to drown out the sound of me slapping my ass, or the long undulations of my fake orgasms. “I’m not jealous of your moans,” he told me. “I get jealous when I hear you laughing.” (I’d giggled at the man who said he’d been eating booty since Clinton was in office—it was genuine laughter, and my boyfriend could tell the difference.) I assured him I was doing it for the hundreds of dollars I made each evening. What I didn’t tell him is that each guy made me feel more worthwhile.

I was quite good at my job, and so it was often difficult for the men to tell what was real. Some of them asked for my e-mail address, my phone number, perhaps forgetting that they were pay-

LOVE: IT’S COMPLICATED Don’t perform at Maine’s only improv comedy club.

Don’t talk to the pretty girl after the show.

Don’t notice her accent.

Don’t meet her the next night.

Don’t walk through a forest to a clear black lake underneath the Milky Way. Don’t think about how she’s catching a plane in six hours.

Don’t find out she’s the heiress to a Mexican silver-mine fortune.

Don’t ask her about her home in the south of France or her great-uncle who raised gazelles in his bathtub.

Don’t spend the next day snooping online to see if you were catfished only to find out you weren’t.

Don’t talk to her online from time to time.

Don’t agree to meet up with her in New York City months later.

Don’t tell her, “I think I’m in love with someone else.”

Don’t expect to see her ever again.

My annual Valentine’s Day depression A different kind of heartache arrives every February 14.

By ERIKA PRICE

. . . I made my girlfriend’s OCD go ham.

My college girlfriend was struggling with OCD— specifically, all-consuming thoughts of her loved ones dying. I did my best to encourage her to get help, and after a few months she agreed to see a therapist.

Her first session went great—right up to the point when she turned on her phone outside the doctor’s office and discovered the 14 sobbing voice mails I had left her in the past hour. You see, while she was dealing with paralyzing visions of the untimely demise of family and friends, I had gotten in a car accident and almost died.

She never went back B to therapy.

BOBBY SIMS

ing me to provide a peculiar service—the appearance of intimacy. In my clients’ defense, a screen and a pay wall are easier to ignore when you can see, via webcam, into their bedrooms and they can see into yours.

Sometimes it was difficult for me to tell what was real.

Jack was an engineering postdoc with a livein girlfriend. Quick-witted and intelligent, he knew all of my references, even Beverly Cleary’s Ramona Quimby, the book character I cherished as a kid. Thin with curly hair and an impish grin, he looked sort of like a more bookish Jonathan Toews, my favorite Blackhawks player. Unlike the other guys I met online, I couldn’t wrap him around my finger. Despite the fact that we video-chatted, the depth of his feelings towards me remained an unknown. Little of our relationship was sexual. He had paid me to virtually strip for him a couple of times, but mostly we just talked. He told me about his relationship fears, I told him about my social anxiety.

I could never quite pin him down. “Will you be on tomorrow?” I’d ask.

“Maybe,” he’d say. “We’ll see.” Always elusive. I felt like the high school girl who runs toward the only guy she can’t have.

Once he called this type of online relationship a “pocket romance”: a little snack that you tucked away, something to look forward to all day.

“What happened to your old pocket romances?”

I asked him one evening. I wanted to know how our story might end.

“We got bored,” he said. “Both of us.”

After a couple of months, I could sense his growing detachment, his roaming eyes when we video-chatted, the longer and longer interludes between messages. One day, another girl left a review on his profile, singing his praises. I felt disproportionately stung.

The pain made me realize how far I’d strayed from my life—my real life with my real, tangible boyfriend. By stepping virtually into so many men’s bedrooms, I’d become absent from my own.

So a few weeks later, I logged off MyGirlFund for good.

There are times I miss the never-ending admiration, the stream of unknown quantities ready to open their wallets and bare their souls. But my boyfriend—who I’m happy to say is now my fiance—is a known quantity. I know him to be good and kind and loving and, yes, considerably understanding. There’s no longer the adrenaline rush of newness, perhaps, or the f lush of discovery. Instead there is constancy, our shared history unspooling behind us and our future unfurling ahead. Our relationship is complicated, flawed, and beautiful—something the whole of the Internet’s fake online boyfriends could never offer. v

I

hate Valentine’s Day. A lot of people do. But I don’t hate it for any of the conventional reasons. As a former Hallmark employee and lifelong midwesterner, I find chalky candy hearts, pink plush puppies, and other kitschy garbage hard to resist. I’ve never spent V-Day alone weeping into a pint of ice cream while You’ve Got Mail plays in the background. In the past decade, I’ve never even been single on February 14.

Yet every year around this time, I’m invariably struck with borderline-debilitating despair that lingers just long enough to be terrifying. It starts with a dearth of motivation, followed by a series of damning self-defeating comparisons: suddenly, I feel like more of a failure than usual and I’m overly focused on how much harder everyone else works, how much more talented and bright they are, how

they deserve to be loved so much more than I do. My eyes get crusty from nightlong crying jags and the world seems to move at a creep. My thoughts grow more and more negative until everyday conscious existence becomes painful.

Then I catch sight of a display of heart-shaped chocolates in a CVS and remember why I’m such a wreck. It’s my annual Valentine’s Day depression, and it’s my stupid dead dad’s fault.

My first real Valentine’s Day was in 2007, when I was a college freshman. I spent the evening with my then-boyfriend, a goofy white dude in a too-tight Dr. Dre T-shirt. He took me to a “fancy” outdoor mall, where we ate pommes frites on the patio of a French restaurant. We smuggled beer into a massive arcade and spent hours slamming our feet on Dance Dance Revolution game pads. Back at the dorm, he led J

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LOVE: IT’S COMPLICATED Valentine’s depression continued from 11 me down a trail of construction paper hearts into his room, where a massive stuffed gorilla sat holding an $8 bottle of champagne. The gorilla’s stomach was embroidered with the words love is a jungle. I was smitten. We made out and I studiously ignored the ceaseless vibration of my cell phone.

When I finally looked three hours later, I had dozens of missed calls and one life-changing voice mail. Unbeknownst to me, my dad had been missing from his job for several days.

That afternoon police had gone to his home and discovered his body.

Every February, my mind invariably dispatches me on an endless game of neurosis whack-a-mole. I am a failure. A fuck-up. Pathetic. Unlovable. If one reason for self-loathing goes away, another pops up, just as ugly and large.

I don’t know if I’m the mallet in this metaphor, or if I’m the moles.

At the time my dad died, we hadn’t spoken in more than two years. He’d disowned me following a particularly vicious fight, after which I changed my last name and cut off contact.

But death thrust him back into my life. There were relatives to call, debts to settle, a funeral to arrange, an autopsy to request. There would be looming, unanswerable questions about his unchecked diabetes, his mental state, and the tubes of unused insulin lying around his home, but I didn’t know any of that yet. I just knew he was dead and had been for days.

My boyfriend suggested popping the champagne. We sat on the edge of his bed drinking until I couldn’t sit up anymore. Sobs violently wracked my body until I passed out. At 8 AM I got up and went to work. I didn’t take a single day off. I didn’t tell anyone.

From then on, I swore off celebrating Valentine’s Day. I pretended to be vehemently against consumerism. I got into open relationships and claimed to loathe romance. I moved to Chicago alone and sat in a dark studio working on my master’s thesis. I slammed my head against the drywall, wailing, scared of how sad I was.

At the time of his death, my dad hadn’t tested his blood sugar in more than three years.

My sister observed he had many “cheat days,” during which his apartment was brimming with cookie cakes, cheesy bread, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, and Pepsi. He smoked all day long, never wore a seat belt, and frequently said he’d be dead by age 50. He was correct.

Despite his penchant for self-harm, he’d always been fervently anti-suicide. The first time he brought up the topic was when I was 13, in response to an episode of TV show, prob-

ably one of the crime procedurals he’d devotedly watch, a two-liter bottle of Pepsi in hand.

“I’d never do that,” he yelled at the screen. “It’s disgusting. I’d never even consider it.”

I didn’t believe him but knew better than to argue.

A few Februarys ago, I traveled to Austin with my current boyfriend. We went out for an expensive meal and I exploded into psychotic weeping at the table. I shook and was nonverbal as we walked three miles across the city to our hotel. I wanted to explain the outburst, but saying “I hate myself and don’t want to exist” didn’t seem particularly helpful.

I spent the night sitting on the floor sniffling and eating chocolate armadillos (a Texas delicacy), glad not to be alone, afraid what would’ve happened if I was.

I can’t know for certain that my dad died on purpose. But I’ve felt the panicky self-hatred he used to radiate; I’ve heard the frustrated cadence of his voice in mine. I can project my saddest self into his position, imagine what I’d do if I were older, divorced, disowned, and out of hope. I can imagine the choice I’d make in that situation, and presume he chose the same.

My dad’s home after his death was littered with dozens of therapists’ business cards, all with different names, addresses, and logos, printed on various types of card stock. They spilled from drawers and pockets, peeked out from underneath mugs, pizza boxes, and the phone.

He was trying to get help. Or he was considering it.

I signed up for a mental illness support group. I was too mentally ill to show up. Something about that cracked me up. I remember being on the phone with the therapist, making up excuses for my absence, laughing at myself.

I found live literary events less threatening than therapy. For months I sat silently in crowded bars and cafes, glad not to be alone.

A year passed and I was actively participating, reading and performing my own written words. I developed a voice, and stopped hearing my dad’s caught in my throat.

My dad didn’t live long enough to get better, but I did. It only took me nine Valentine’s Days.

Last year I spent Valentine’s Day eating popcorn shrimp and drinking Bloody Marys at Fireside Lounge with my boyfriend. We stumbled home over mounds of dingy snow, napped, and watched Star Trek. He went off to perform in a show and I sat alone in the dark, writing. There were no flowers, candy hearts, stuffed gorillas, or thoughts of my father. I didn’t cry even once. v

v @erikadprice

LOVE: IT’S COMPLICATED

Single white female cancer patient

(Things got complicated when . . . continued from 11)

. . . my girlfriend brought home a pocket pussy.

Hair loss, libido-killing meds, the unsexy specter of death. Dating during chemo isn’t easy.

S

o, have you been seeing anyone?” Abigail asked as we sat around a campfire in my parents’ backyard last September. She was a lifelong friend and we hadn’t seen each other in a while, so it wasn’t an unlikely subject. But coming just a day after my last chemotherapy session, the question might as well have been whether I’d gone to the moon lately.

“I’ve had cancer for the last six months,” I replied. “What do you think?”

Maybe my response was too blunt. Perhaps it’s as common in real life as it is in movies, books, and television for cancer patients to fall in love while lying delicately in a hospital bed, losing their hair and their appetites, and often, their will to live.

Maybe it’s these magical significant others, dis-

LAURA BREILING

By BRIANNA WELLEN

covered in the throes of crisis, that make the lives of those patients worth living. But as I’m a single 25-year-old more familiar with casual dating than deep, long-lasting relationships, that ideal didn’t seem like a possibility for me.

I was diagnosed with stage-three Hodgkin’s lymphoma on April 5, 2015, yet it was a few days prior, during the biopsy, that I noticed the first sign of a shift in my romantic life. When two middle-aged nurses learned I was single, they immediately tried to set me up with Brian, the late-20s/early-30s guy performing the biopsy. That love affair ended about two minutes in, when he went to attach heart sensors to my chest and got a glimpse of my uncovered body in the harsh fluorescent light of the operating room. I was hopped up on anesthetics, so my

My girlfriend Claire works for a cool hip company that often gets cool hip merch from other cool hip companies. Sometimes she gets to bring that merch home.

Sometimes that merch is a Fleshlight.

For those unfamiliar, imagine a rubbery earthworm stuffed into a 64-ounce Big Gulp cup.

Sound unsettling? It is!

“So,” Claire asked, “what are you going to name it?”

After “the Harbinger of Your Sexual Obsolescence” was immediately shot down, we spitballed for a while trying to find the perfect name.

“Lazy Susan.” “The Goop Trooper.” “Yoko Silicone-o.”

In the end, Claire got the final say: “Claire Two.”

. . . I overdid it on my hookup schematics.

Like many teenagers, I went to great lengths not to get caught engaging in carnal shenanigans. My most B

response was to smile sloppily and drool out of the side of my mouth.

That was the pattern that continued with any eligible bachelor familiar with my disease. If he wasn’t given an untimely look at my body, he was taking an X-ray of my pelvis or cleaning up my vomit in a hospital room. As for male patients, let’s just say the only ones I encountered probably saw the Beatles live on Ed Sullivan.

So I did what any self-respecting millennial would do: I signed up for Tinder.

Looking back, it seems ridiculous that I did this.

I had decided while signing up that I wouldn’t actually go on any dates. I just needed some human interaction. More often than not I was too fatigued to walk from my bedroom to the kitchen—a total of about seven steps. How was I going to get to a bar or coffee shop to meet a date? And if any guy had showed up at my house looking for a one-night stand, I would’ve rewarded him by asking him to go pick up my meds from the pharmacy.

Plus, I could only imagine the sea of douchey, vulgar dudes I’d run into: muscle-obsessed bros, fedora-wearing mansplainers, guys who probably still live in mom’s basement. There was enough crap to deal with, I thought, without subjecting myself to the dregs of the Internet.

But much of my life then was a quest for normalcy amid endless doctor’s appointments, debilitating physical and mental pain, and the looming specter of my own mortality. Dating via Tinder isn’t an inherently pleasant experience for a twentysomething lady, but it is, at this point, a common one.

While registering I couldn’t help but think of the line comedian Tig Notaro, herself a breast cancer survivor, suggested for the online dating profiles of the recently diagnosed: “Serious inquiries only.” I wasn’t sure how much to say about my cancer, how much to let it define me. Should I just put “cancer patient” in my bio and be up front about it? Could that attract weirdos with a fetish for physically ill girls? On the flip side, would I find anyone out there able to look past my cancer to see that I am J

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smart, funny, and completely dateable? I decided to go with my typical descriptors (“whiskey drinker and David Bowie lover”), and pulled in a mix of photos from before and after I was sick to show off my flowing locks (before) and my extreme weight loss (after). Then, doped up on a bunch of meds and suffering from an extreme lack of personal connection with anyone beyond members of the medical profession, I started swiping.

To my surprise I quickly started getting matched, and I decided to do a little experiment to see if the men on the dating app were as terrible as I had previously imagined. I asked all my matches the following: “Would you still have swiped right if I was bald?” The supposed scourges of humanity did not fail me. To paraphrase, the typical responses were along the lines of “Yup! As long as you have a vagina, you’re fine by me! Want to know how big my dick is?!”

The one exception was a clean-cut aspiring actor (what can I say, I like broke, creative types) who told me that judging from my photos he thought I had the face and the confidence to pull it off. We chatted for a while about movies, music, and books, and seemed quite compatible. Then I told him that I actually was bald and that it was because I was going through chemotherapy. That was the last I heard from him.

This was one of the first times I really felt like a sick person.

I could sense how burdensome my disease might seem to someone on the other end of a dating app. I decided to withhold my health status from the next few guys I chatted with; in fact, having previously decided that I’d never actually meet any of them, I just started making things up. I told one guy I played bass in a band, said to another that I had kids, and to a third claimed to be French. It was nice to pretend for just a little while that cancer wasn’t my “thing.” Trapped alone in a failing body, these little bouts of fantasy kept me going. When I started getting requests to meet in person, I decided to delete the app. I’d gotten what I needed: a few compliments, a little socializing, and no STDs. It was time to move on.

As I sat by the fire and told these stories to Abigail, it hit me that even though I was now healthy, dating would never be the same again. Starting a relationship with someone who hadn’t been there while I was going through my illness seemed impossible; he would be missing out on a huge part of me. And going back to casual dating sounded frivolous and so not fun after everything I’d gone through; why would I waste time with a stranger when I could be spending time with friends and family? I’d much rather sit through one more chemo session than listen to some dude explain to me over cheap beers why Entourage is his favorite show. (Just kidding. Kind of.)

If I learned anything while battling a life-threatening illness, it’s that I’m not so bad at being on my own. In fact, it’s kind of great for me. I used to feel weak and seek validation from men, but after single-handedly beating cancer and going through so much of it alone, I realized how strong I am. I’m better than just a swipe to the left or the right. So here I am today, cancer free, devastatingly single, and happy to be so—at least for now.

Then again, I wonder if Brian is available for wedding season. v

v @BriannaWellen

(Things got complicated when . . . continued from 13) brilliant plan? Sixty-nining under my family’s dining room table.

In this X-rated game of Don’t Wake Daddy, the dining room was the farthest point from my parents’ bedroom (not counting the unfinished basement, which was deemed too cold in preliminary testing). The table itself provided fantastic overhead cover, and its fold-down wings muffled slurping sounds while keeping my golden retriever from getting too sniffy.

As some of you will note, you can’t 69 solo, so AT LEAST ONE OTHER PERSON THOUGHT THIS WAS A VIABLE IDEA. Long story short, my parents never came downstairs, and now I have faraway thoughts during Thanksgiving dinner.

. . . my relationship’s best memory was a kidney stone.

When a relationship ends, it’s easy to hate. To lay blame. To say, “You suck, you lied to me, and that time your mom made me shotgun weed smoke into her mouth was NOT COOL.” It’s harder to forget the selflessness, the moments when someone truly cared for you. Loved you. Drove you to the hospital with a jug of your bloody urine in her lap as you screamed deliriously in the backseat in a futile attempt at penile Lamaze. I imagine this is due to the fact that bloody urine, much like baptismal water or writing a single Facebook post condemning Rahm after not bothering to vote last year, has the unique ability of absolving people of their wrongdoing.

Point is, sometimes the one good thing ends up being a kidney stone. v

LOVE IT’S COMPLICATED

5959, parkwestchicago.com.

My Bloody CLLAW-entine Let the Chicago League of Lady Arm Wrestlers woo you this Valentine’s Day at this 24th annual benefit match, featuring live music, the baddest arm-wrestling ladies in Chicago, and a raffle for the chance to win a date with one of them.

Sat 2/13, 9:30 PM, Logan Square Auditorium, 2539 N. Kedzie, 773-2526179 or 866-468-3401, lsachicago. com, $10.

“Ivana Drago” vs. “Schemepunk Sally” at My Bloody CLLAW-entine ò JAMES RANDA

Valentine’s Day events

S

ure, Valentine’s Day often means drowning in candy hearts and teddy bears, but not all celebrations of love need to be so saccharine. This year the city has some more savory romantic offerings like a boozy brunch, lady arm wrestlers, and embarrassing entries from teenage diaries.

There’s a full list of Valentine’s happenings at chicagoreader.com; below are our top picks for V-Day events for you to enjoy without getting a cavity.

Blind Faith Cafe Treat your special someone to a three-course meal and a selection of specialty cocktails. Wine pairings available for an additional $18. Sat 2/13-Sun 2/14, 525 Dempster, Evanston, 847-3286875, blindfaithcafe.com, $38.

Brunch and dinner screenings at Eduardo’s Enoteca Eduardo’s Enoteca invites couples and singles alike to enjoy a prix fixe brunch or dinner menu while Breakfast at Tiffany’s screens. Sun 2/14, noon, 2:15, 6, and 8:15 PM, Eduardo’s Enoteca, 1212 N. Dearborn, 312-337-4490, eduardosenoteca.com, prices vary.

Casablanca The Music Box continues its annual tradition of showing the Bogart-Bergman classic in honor of Valentine’s Day. Sat 2/13, noon, Music Box, 3733 N. Southport, 773-871-6604, musicboxtheatre. com, $13.

Champagne, Chocolate, and Comedy Treat yourself this Valentine’s Day with generous samples of champagne courtesy of Veuve Clicquot and Moët & Chandon, paired with three chocolates created by Blackbird restaurant. Following the tasting is a performance of The Explorers Club, a comedy set during the declining days of the British empire. Sun 2/14, 2 PM, Windy City Playhouse, 3014 W. Irving Park, 312-374-3196, windycityplayhouse.com, $40.

Cupid Has a Heart On . . . In Bed This long-running musical sketch

comedy portrays a host of relatable romantic situations through feisty songs and risque numbers. All audience members will receive a glass of champagne and a Valentine’s Day goodie bag. Sat 2/13, 8 and 10:30 PM, Stage 773, 1225 W. Belmont, 773-327-5252, stage773. com, prices vary.

The Dawson Chef Shaun King’s dinner for two includes seared ahi tuna and a raspberry chocolate mousse cake as well as a specialty “Love Potion” cocktail. Sun 2/14, 730 W. Grand, 312-243-8955, the-dawson.com.

Heart and Soul Valentine’s Day Brunch Kick off Valentine’s Day with a boozy brunch date at Logan Square’s Parts and Labor. The bar will be offering a full brunch menu and $5 “bleeding heart” pom-mosas, and there’s a live DJ set from the Windy City Soul Club.

Sun 2/14, Parts and Labor, 2700 N. Milwaukee, 773-360-7840, partsandlaborchicago.com.

Hooking Up With the Second City The Second City’s Valentine’s Day-themed show draws inspiration from the misadventures of people in love. A reception with a champagne toast and chocolate follows the performance. Sat 2/13, 6 and 9 PM, College of DuPage Gahlberg Gallery, McAninch Arts Center, 425 Fawell, Glen Ellyn, 630-942-2321, cod.edu/gallery, prices vary.

Last Kiss Uptown Underground

regulars Pervesk’ Burlesk’ present a Valentine’s twist on their dark, twisted neo-burlesque show. Sat 2/13, midnight, Uptown Underground, 4707 N. Broadway, 773-8671946, uptownunderground.net, $20.

Little Goat’s Valentine’s Day Party Little Goat Diner’s V-Day shindig features food by chef Stephanie Izard, booze, and plenty of romance. Sun 2/14, 6:30 PM, 820 W. Randolph, 312-888-3455, littlegoatchicago.com, $105.

Heather McDonald The Chelsea Lately regular and host of All About Sex performs her best sets about love and sex. Sun 2/14, 8 PM, Park West, 322 W. Armitage, 773-929-

Travelle ò AMANDA AREIAS

The Naked at the Art Museum Scavenger Hunt The Art Institute throws an adults-only scavenger hunt. Sat 2/13-Sun 2/14: 11 AM and 2 PM, Art Institute of Chicago, 111 S. Michigan, 312-443-3600, watsonadventures.com/public/event/ the-naked-at-the-art-museum-scavenger-hunt-2, $41.

Naked Girls Reading This special Valentine’s Day installment of the salacious reading series focuses on the theme “absinthe and the French erotica,” featuring exclusive absinthe samples from Chicago Distilling Company. Sun 2/14, 8 PM, Studio L’amour, 4001 N. Ravenswood, suite 205, 312-2436690, studiolamour.com, $20.

includes oysters, scallops, game hen with fennel sausage, and a chocolate-marshmallow tart. Wine and cocktail pairings available. Sun 2/14, 5:15-10:30 PM, 123 N. Jefferson, 312-441-1920, sepiachicago.com, $110.

Valentine’s Day Bar Crawl This crawl through the heart of Lincoln Park starts at the intersection of Lincoln and Belden and offers drink specials featuring Fireball and Dr. Mcgillicuddy’s. Salut! Sat 2/13, 1 PM, various locations, $10.

Signature Room at the 95th Valentine’s Day at the John Hancock’s fine-dining restaurant features a four-course menu from chef Cardel Reid that includes sauteed prawns, braised goat, pan-seared halibut, and desserts like red velvet cake and triple berry cobbler.

Reservations required. Fri 2/12-Sun 2/14, 875 N. Michigan, 312-787-9596, signatureroom.com, $125.

Valentine’s Day Karaoke Fundraiser Sing your heart out this Valentine’s Day to help raise funds for the independent literary event Chicago Zine Fest. Enjoy drink specials, manicures, and a 50/50 raffle. The event is 21+. Sun 2/14, 8 PM, Beauty Bar, 1444 W. Chicago, 312-226-8828, thebeautybar.com/ home-chicago, $5.

Slurping Turtle Choose from two menus dubbed “I Think I Like You” (four courses) and “I Know I Love You” (six courses). During the meal the restaurant will screen classic romantic films like Gone With the Wind and Casablanca. Sat 2/13-Sun

Valentine’s dinner at Lula Cafe Lula Cafe is offering a prix fixe four-course special Valentine’s Day dinner. The regular menu will also be available. Sun 2/14, Lula Cafe, 2537 N. Kedzie, 773-489-9554, lulacafe.com, $65.

Oh, Mr. Darcy! Celebrate Valentine’s Day with Improvised Jane Austen. The troupe’s latest series features a gentleman guest star each week. 2/14-3/20, 7 PM, Bughouse Theater, 1910 W. Irving Park, bughousetheater.com, $12.

Private igloo Break the mold this Valentine’s Day and warm up with your loved one inside your own private igloo atop the Godfrey Hotel. Enjoy phenomenal views of the city while being pampered with exquisite food and cocktails. Sun 2/14, Godfrey Hotel Chicago, 127 N. Huron, 312-649-2000, godfreyhotelchicago.com, $1,000.

Sepia Chef Andrew Zimmerman’s four-course Valentine’s Day menu

Private igloo ò TOM WALLACE 2/14, 116 W. Hubbard, 312-464-0466, slurpingturtle.com, $50-$75.

Strip Joker Nothing goes together quite like comedy and nudity, which makes this new comedy series the perfect Valentine’s Day activity.

Each headlining act must take the Strip Joker challenge: every time a joke flops (or rocks) an article of clothing must be removed. Thu 2/11, 8 PM, Gorilla Tango Theatre, 1919 N. Milwaukee, 773-598-4549, gorillatango.com, $15.

Valentine’s dinner at Maple & Ash Maple & Ash chef Danny Grant has created a four-course prix fixe menu especially for Valentine’s Day. Sun 2/14, Maple & Ash, 8 W. Maple, 312-944-8888, mapleandash. com, $95.

Travelle A five-course meal for two by chef Tim Graham and pastry chef Scott Green. A vegetarian menu is available. Sat 2/13-Sun 2/14, Travelle, 330 N. Wabash, 312-9237705, travellechicago.com, $185.

Valentine’s weekend at ComedySportz The regular shows at ComedySportz receive a Valentine’s Day twist, featuring candy, Valentine’s Day-themed games, and a kiss cam; drink specials include champagne. Reservations recommended. Thu 2/11, 8 PM; Fri 2/12, 8 PM; and Sat 2/13, 6, 8 and 10 PM, ComedySportz Theatre, 929 W. Belmont, 773-549-8080 or 312559-1212, comedysportzchicago.com, prices vary.

Valentine Shmalentine Mortified presents Valentine Shmalentine, which features everyday people reading the most pathetic and embarrassing passages from their teenage diaries. A portion of the proceeds will benefit the Night Ministry, a Chicago-based housing organization. Sat 2/13, 6:30 PM, Mayne Stage, 1328 W. Morse, 773381-4554, maynestage.com, $25.

Will You Accept This Rose? Get your Bachelor fix this Valentine’s Day as one of Under the Gun’s improv teams replicates an episode of the Bachelor with inspiration from the audience’s own love lives.

Featuring special guest Ed Swiderski, a Bachelorette winner. Sun 2/14, 6 PM, Under the Gun Theater, 956 W. Newport, 773-270-3440, undertheguntheater.com, $12. v

FEBRUARY 11, 2016 - CHICAGO READER 15

HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW THE PERSON SLEEPING NEXT TO YOU ?

COCKED

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Richard Cotovsky, Rudy Galvan, and Stephen Walker ò MICHAEL BROSILOW

THEATER

Mary-Arrchie says good-bye with Mamet

By TONY ADLER

T

here was Mary-Arrchie Theatre, minding its own damn business, presenting works (including such recent hits as Greg Allen’s Ibsen’s Ghosts and Hans Fleischmann’s reimagined version of The Glass Menagerie, currently being revived by the Hypocrites) that pretty much epitomize the notion of storefront theater as practiced in Chicago, when all of a sudden artistic director Richard Cotovsky and his colleagues learn that the building they work in is going to be demolished to make way for a new development.

Rather than look for alternate digs, Cotovsky decides to close down after Mary-Arrchie’s 2015-’16 season—its 30th.

Needless to say, the final production of that final season has to be something special, and Cotovsky decides on David Mamet’s American Buffalo—an exquisitely apt choice for several reasons, the first being that Mamet’s 1975 tale of three lowlife nobodies planning a heist is drenched in just the sort of grit you expect from Mary-Arrchie. The play is also part of Chicago theater lore in that it launched Mamet as a significant American playwright,

defined his famously foulmouthed aesthetic for all time, and supplied some great little anecdotes, like the one from director Gregory Mosher that has Mamet saying, “Tell you what. I’ll put five grand in escrow, and if the play doesn’t win the Pulitzer, keep the money.” (The story would be better if Mamet had actually won for American Buffalo, but he didn’t.) It’s a bittersweet touch to think of Mary-Arrchie’s piece of history ending with that particular script.

Then too, American Buffalo has Donny Dubrow, the owner of Don’s Resale Shop and the quiet, diffident soul among Mamet’s wouldbe desperados. With his big, gray beard, his always-evaluating eyes, his low-affect, stand-and-deliver acting style, Cotovsky is the Donny I see when I close my eyes.

So it’s settled, right? American Buffalo is the perfect play for the occasion.

Well, not quite. Because Mamet’s permission to perform it carries a stipulation: Mary-Arrchie may not advertise the run or permit critics to review it.

Never mind the weirdness of supposing you can keep the press out of a show (though

I guess it’s not all that weird after all, given the “no-media safe space” Black Lives Matter protesters felt entitled to establish at the University of Missouri), the requirement basically condemned Mary-Arrchie to perform its farewell show—its 30th anniversary farewell show—in the context of a media lockdown.

The news caused a small social-media frenzy among local artists. Ultimately, a friend of Chicago theater (officially anonymous but unofficially acknowledged to be Tracy Letts) intervened and got the prohibition lifted.

And the result? After all that real-world drama, the stipulation-free Mary Arrchie American Buffalo turns out to be something of an anticlimax: good but not great. Not the triumphant send-off we might hope for.

Mamet’s narrative concerns an unseen coin collector who happens into Donny’s shop one day, finds a rare nickel, and buys it off Donny for $90, thereby awakening Donny’s dreams of a life-changing score. He conceives a vague plan to steal back the nickel, along with whatever other coins the numismatist keeps at home, and sets it in motion by assigning a simpleminded neighborhood kid named Bobby to keep an eye on the collector.

But Bobby isn’t so simpleminded that he doesn’t have dreams of his own. And neither is Donny’s blustery pal, Teach, who counts himself in on the job. American Buffalo is a story about men tortured by their inability to negotiate the means to success.

If the play were a band, Cotovsky’s Donny would be a solid rhythm section, backing the more flamboyant solos by Teach and Bobby.

Cotovsky does the job with such great modesty and compassion that he remains the Donny behind my eyes. But in Carlo Lorenzo Garcia’s staging, the solos lack subtlety. Stephen Walker comes off entertainingly in the early going by exploiting the fact that Teach is full of shit. In the second act, though, when things get more complex, Walker’s only response is to get louder. Similarly, Rudy Galvan flattens Bobby into an object of sympathy when he could be a far more interesting type of mess.

There you have it, then: a middling American Buffalo but a killer 30 years. So long, Mary-Arrchie. vAMERICAN BUFFALO Through 3/6: Thu-Sat 8 PM, Sun 7 PM, Mary-Arrchie Theatre, 735 W. Sheridan, 773-871-0442, maryarrchie.com, $30.

v @taadler

LIT

A thorny dilemma

By RAYYAN AL-SHAWAF

THESE DAYS, what nationality would most people associate with refugees? In light of recent events, Syrians are probably the first group to come to mind. Asked for further examples, avid news readers might cite Iraqis and Ukrainians who have fled conflicts, or Palestinians who’ve languished in camps for decades. But what about Somalis? Who has heard of Dadaab, a Kenyan town (unmarked on any official map) populated almost entirely by Somali refugees? In City of Thorns, Ben Rawlence attempts to help Western readers understand the saga of Dadaab and the plight of its half million or so inhabitants. It’s an indispensable account of, as the subtitle puts it, “Nine Lives in the World’s Largest Refugee Camp.”

Dadaab, located on the Kenyan side of the border with Somalia, doesn’t consist of a single camp, a fact that Rawlence never makes absolutely clear. Rather, it’s a conglomeration of five separate camps, the first of which was established by the United Nations at the beginning of the 1990s to house Somalis fleeing the then-nascent civil war in their country. Much of Somalia has remained mired in conflict (and sometimes famine) since then; most recently, neighboring African countries’ military campaign against the brutal Islamist militia al-Shabaab has produced an outflow of refugees.

Rawlence, who’s British, has written extensively about Africa: he’s a for- J

FEBRUARY 11, 2016 - CHICAGO READER 17

ARTS & CULTURE

VISUAL ART

Monster mash

By DMITRY SAMAROV

J

ohn Corbett describes the artwork on display at “Monster Roster: Existentialist Art in Postwar Chicago”—an exhibit he cocurated that opens this weekend at the Smart Museum—as “a howling, terrified, introspective whorl of penetrating angst and disoriented subjectivity.”

Elsewhere in his essay Corbett proposes Thelonious Monk’s “Ugly Beauty” as the theme music for the show, and that song title is as apt a description as it gets.

“Monster Roster” is a term coined by artist-writer Franz Schulze (whose work is also on view) in 1959 to describe a group of Chicago artists who worked in an expressive, figurative style. Like so many other catchall genre titles, “Monster Roster” wasn’t favored by many of the people it included. Schulze states in the show catalogue that Monster Roster doesn’t refer to literal monsters; rather, it was the Chicago Bears, the Monsters of the Midway, who served as his inspiration.

(Of course there was also the need to come up with the kind of memorable phrase that gives a fledgling writer a calling card.)

“Monster Roster: Existentialist Art in Postwar Chicago” is the first major survey of this era. Of the artists included in the exhibition, Leon Golub, Seymour Rosofsky, Nancy Spero, Cosmo Campoli, and Theodore Halkin get the most space, but others, such as June Leaf, H.C. Westermann, Irving Petlin, and George Cohen are also well represented.

Many of these artists had common experiences and interests. Almost every man in the show served in World War II, and that conflict overwhelms the first few rooms of the exhibit.

The anonymous giants in Golub’s paintings battle energetically, yet appear dejected; the scraped, sanded, and ripped surfaces testify to a fight being waged inside and outside their bodies. Though it’s never literally referenced, the Holocaust suffuses certain artworks.

Nancy Spero’s Nightmare Figure 1 (1960), a dark black-and-blue oil painting, is a howl into the void. Not much light is let in, and no great distances are visible, as if the chaos and conflict of the world only allowed the artists to see

18 CHICAGO READER - FEBRUARY 11, 2016

Leon Golub photographed in the 1950s in front of two paintings from his “Philosophers” series ò COURTESY THE NANCY SPERO AND LEON GOLUB FOUNDATION FOR THE ARTS

the broken earth at their feet.

Most of the members of the Monster Roster studied at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago and were profoundly influenced by Kathleen Blackshear, who told them to go to the Field Museum and draw Oceanic and Native American artifacts. According to the exhibition catalogue, this was an unheard-of practice in the 40s and 50s, because at the time such work was considered “primitive” and merely ethnographic. Having witnessed what modern, evolved civilization was capable of, these artists looked to the distant past for refuge.

Unlike the abstract expressionists in New York and on the west coast, the Monster Roster’s art remained mostly figurative. They found kinship with European artists like Jean Dubuffet, whose influential talk “Anticultural Positions” many of them had attended. Dubuffet advocated for a raw “un-art” inspired by the work of the untaught, the naive, and the insane. The goal was to get beyond or around intellect, to tap into a purer essence of feeling and being.

In the last couple galleries color and light begin to return. The figures in June Leaf’s paintings can be weird or grotesque, but they’re not ground up like Golub’s. The visionary, fantastical look of Robert Barnes’s For Tristan Tzara (1965) is a far cry from the bleakness of the previous rooms. These final rooms pave the

way for the Chicago Imagists, who would come to the fore in the late 60s and become the dominant mode of Chicago visual art.

Though the Monster Roster didn’t set out to make art specific to Chicago, this show advances the notion that their 1950s and ’60s work was the first of its era to not be derivative of other schools and movements that were concurring or had occurred elsewhere.

In prior decades there had been oddball iconoclasts, like Ivan Albright, and influential but since forgotten American Scene painters, like Francis Chapin, but no group had asserted and developed a vision of their own.

However, like artists, writers, and musicians before and after, the Monster Roster would leave town. Many of them were planning a future elsewhere, indicated as early as 1958, when Spero produced her painting Homage to New York. Chicago has always been a great incubator for creative work, but the city is rarely able to convince its greatest talents to stay. Golub, Spero, Leaf, and the rest started their journey here, and we should be grateful that the Smart Museum has lured them back to town for a visit. v R “MONSTER ROSTER: EXISTENTIALIST ART IN POSTWAR CHICAGO” Opens Thu 2/11-6/12, Smart Museum of Art, University of Chicago, 5550 S. Greenwood, 773-7020200, smartmuseum.uchicago.edu. F

City of Thorns continued from 17 mer Horn of Africa researcher for Human Rights Watch and the author of Radio Congo: Signals of Hope from Africa’s Deadliest War (2012), which recounts the lives of people in the strife-torn country of the title. City of Thorns emerges from the author’s extended stays in Dadaab and his frequent interactions with several of its denizens.

The book’s title isn’t metaphorical— Dadaab abounds in thorns. In such an unforgiving place, this geographical attribute sometimes proves useful. Thorns were “planted in the sand to demarcate the boundaries of each ten-meter-square plot that was allocated for families sized 4-7” in one of the camps. More dramatically, when refugees trek through the desert to reach Dadaab, the thorns can serve as protection against predators. One mother “arranged [her] children in a row, their heads on the mat, their feet resting on the sand, their thin little bodies inside a circle of thorns to keep the lions out.”

Of course, the nine lives mentioned in the book’s subtitle aren’t a reference to the number of times a Dadaab resident can defy death. Rather, they’re the disparate individuals Rawlence profiles, including a twentysomething porter who has spent his entire life in one of the camps, a young man who arrives penniless after fleeing forcible conscription at the hands of al-Shabaab, and a headstrong woman who faces ostracism and worse after marrying a Sudanese Christian.

Rawlence relates the stories of these and other inhabitants of Dadaab, almost all of whom dream of emigrating to the West, in strikingly novelistic prose—“A heavy threshing of the trees preceded a shot, thunder, and then the roar; the surround-sound blast of the equatorial deluge that set roofs rattling like machine guns and puddles bubbling red”—though it’s not always clear whether the perspective adopted is the author’s or that of the chapter’s protagonist. Despite his obvious sympathy for his subjects—some of whom he tried to help in various ways once he completed his book and no longer had to remain a disinterested journalist—Rawlence doesn’t ignore unsavory aspects of Somali culture. Ferociously anti-Christian attitudes result in violence on the part of Somalis against refugees from other African countries. Separately, one man, though educated and of a relatively liberal outlook, wishes to have his daughter undergo a cliterodectomy.

Not all of the stories about Dadaab are

informed by hardship (the smuggling of sugar and other goods from Somalia has kept prices down and generated a sizable local economy), yet residents remain largely at the mercy of outside forces who mistrust, fear, or even hate them.

After the Kenyan army intervened in late 2011 to support the embattled Somali government against al-Shabaab, the latter decided to launch terrorist attacks within Kenya, sometimes with the aid of recruits from Dadaab. The result, for Dadaab, was catastrophic. “On one side was the Kenyan state that harassed and ransomed the refugees with impunity,” observes Rawlence. “On the other was al-Shabaab, from which many had already fled at least once.”

The situation worsened. A few years later, toward the end of 2014 , Kenyan police were still hounding camp residents, and the UN had cut services and rations.

The author fumes, “There was a crime here on an industrial scale: confining people to a camp, forbidding them to work, and then starving them; people who had come to Dadaab fleeing famine in the first place.” According to Rawlence, the government in Nairobi pressured refugees to move to the area of Somalia where the Kenyan army had established tenuous control, with the UN facilitating the residents’ relocation. But most people avoided such a dangerous gamble.

Given how successfully Rawlence’s reportage inspires outrage, one would have hoped that he’d try to propose solutions for Dadaab’s myriad problems.

Granted, it’s necessary to rebuke everybody, from the Kenyans to the UN, for specific misguided policies. Yet suggesting alternatives (beyond a simple repealing of those policies) is the next logical step, followed by an overall remedy.

To be fair, such an undertaking is daunting. After all, as the author points out, Dadaab has grown into “an urban mecca on the arid red plain, the biggest city for 500 miles around.” Even if some refugees voluntarily return to a peaceful Somalia in the distant future, many— especially those born and raised in the camps—are likely to remain where they are. “No one,” Rawlence remarks, “wants to admit that the temporary camp of Dadaab has become permanent: not the Kenyan government who must host it, not the UN who must pay for it, and not the refugees who must live there.” v R CITY OF THORNS: NINE LIVES IN THE WORLD’S LARGEST REFUGEE CAMP By Ben Rawlence (Picador)

ARTS & CULTURE Mulder and Scully have witnessed far too much nutty space shit to remain incredulous. ò FOX

SMALL SCREEN

The truth is way out there

By RYAN SMITH

A

n old, recognizable poster is visible on the wall of Fox Mulder’s office during the new X-Files miniseries.

It shows a blurry image of what appears to be a flying saucer hovering over a forest. Printed in bold type below the shot: i want to believe. It serves as a testament to Mulder’s earnest faith in extraterrestrial or paranormal beings and a deep skepticism towards a heavy-handed federal government that suppresses and obfuscates their existence.

That the iconic image still hangs in the same spot since The X-Files pilot aired way back in 1993 is a little wink to longtime fans. But in 2016, it’s also a cringe-inducing, laughably outdated relic—both because of events that have occurred over the last 23 years in Chris Carter’s beloved sci-fi universe and, more importantly, what’s transpired in our own world.

The gap in The X-Files’s internal logic is the size of a black hole, and it’s the most glaring problem that drags down the six-episode miniseries. The show asks viewers to be smart enough to follow its dense plots and labyrinthine conspiracy theories while also demanding they turn off their brains long enough to swallow the idea that this pair of FBI agents and ex-lovers still question the existence of otherworldly beings and strange phenomena after being exposed to a lifetime’s worth of crazy in the original pilot alone.

The show’s writers have taken great pains to muddy the supernatural waters with fakeouts and red herrings; it’s part of the purpose of Dana Scully’s character. By playing the rationalist Clarence Darrow to Mulder’s William Jennings Bryan in all things unexplained, she plants seeds of doubt in the viewer’s mind.

But presumably the duo has witnessed far too many slimy aliens, werebeasts, and shadowy

men in black during their tenure to remain incredulous. As a spook-hunting sleuth, Scully’s been abducted, impregnated by aliens, and made out with a shapeshifter—just to name a few indignities. After all that does she really still think all this nutty space shit is a product of psychosis and natural phenomena?

Still, The X-Files has bigger problems than the amnesia of its characters: the show’s core premise has aged much worse than its attractive lead actors. The Roswell incident is a fun diversion, but there’s something hopelessly quaint about being obsessed with the cover-up of a gaggle of big-eyed aliens that crashed in the New Mexico desert 60 years ago when measured against the insanity of the present.

Consider that we currently live in a world where nation-state superpowers prepare for the possibility of a proxy war in space and our own government openly spies on us by scanning our e-mails and listening to our phone calls (“I’ve heard of Edward Snowden,” Mulder quips during the first episode, but offers no further commentary). It’s hard to give a shit about UFOs when our own military employs drone fleets to shoot missiles at foreigners for associating with suspected enemy militants, and is now experimenting with building a robot army for the ground war of the future. The biggest cover-ups in our government are not conducted in some secret government lab—they’re out in the open. Lobbyists and super PACs backed by massive corporations cast doubt on the irrefutable truth about climate change and ensure no new federal gun regulations are passed.

Who’s afraid of a few ghosts when we’ve got the ghosts in the political machine?

And conspiracy theories? Those things are a dime a dozen these days. It’s hard to buy 2016 Mulder as some sort of fringe personality because of his views of American government

when a significant number of us have adopted some version of those same views.

In 1958, 73 percent of Americans trusted the government, according to a Pew Study.

But by April 1980, that number had cratered to 28 percent. In Ronald Reagan, we elected a president who positioned himself as someone who shared that same outlook, who saw overgrown government as “the problem, not the solution.” There were plenty of legitimate reasons for the mounting disillusionment towards Washington—Watergate, Vietnam, the Cold War, the excesses of the CIA and FBI, you name it. But some suspected that we were only seeing the tip of the iceberg of government overreach and power, and they concocted ideas that the feds covered up JFK’s real killer or faked the moon landing or concealed an alien spaceship near Roswell.

By the time that The X-Files debuted in 1993, it tapped into a certain breed of paranoia that didn’t just expand but went mainstream, especially on conservative talk radio. As the top syndicated talk show host in country, Rush Limbaugh was unafraid to spout off conspiratorial theories about, say, the death of White House deputy counsel Vince Foster. During The X-Files’s peak later in the decade, Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News institutionalized and legitimized a more virulent strain of American thought about the nature of the entities that govern us.

Perhaps that’s why midway through the first episode of the new miniseason of The X-Files, the showrunners rip up decades of the franchise’s mythology to unveil the “real conspiracy” that drives world events, one that scratches the left’s anxieties just as much as those of the right. A faux Fox News commentator Tad O’Malley (Joel McHale) clues in Mulder to an elaborate plot that somehow incorporates climate change, the prison-industrial complex, agribusiness, the NSA, and more. Turns out that extraterrestrials were benevolent do-gooders come to earth in the prime of the nuclear age to save us from ourselves. But the government killed them and have spent the last several decades exploiting and developing their technology and driving world events to a coming moment where this elite top 0.1 percent will take over the world.

It’s like a post-apocalyptic horror coauthored by Occupy Wall Street and Ayn Rand, and it’s sure a lot to put on a poster. But I’m sure Fox Mulder will find a way; after all, every man of faith needs an icon. v

v @ ryansmithwriter FEBRUARY 11, 2016 - CHICAGO READER 19

MUSIC TWO PIECE FEST MIDWEST: THE FUNS, COMA REGALIA, JACK & ACE, PUSSY FOOT

The Funs make a complicated Valentine’s Day mix

Fri 2/12, 10:30 PM, Subterranean, 2011 W. North, $8, $13 two-day pass, 17+, twopiecefest.com

TWO PIECE FEST MIDWEST: PETER & CRAIG, JITTERS, MINIMUM WAGE ASSASSINS, MEANS OF ESCAPE, TINKERBELLES Sat 2/13, 6 PM, Subterranean, 2011 W. North, $8, $13 two-day pass, 17+, twopiecefest.com

The downstate duo’s ten-year relationship has had its rocky patches— just like the songs they’ve picked to talk about love.

By LEOR GALIL

ò ANDREA CAROLINA SANCHEZ GONZALEZ

O

20 CHICAGO READER - FEBRUARY 11, 2016

ne of the best Chicago rock albums of the past year was made by a band that no longer lives here: the Funs.

The duo of Jessee Rose Crane and Philip Jerome Lesicko, who both sing and trade off guitar and drums, recorded September’s double LP My Survival at Logan Square’s Public House Sound Recordings, but they wrote it in New Douglas, Illinois, a former coal-mining town nearly five hours south of Chicago where they’d moved in 2012 to refurbish a house near Lesicko’s parents’ place.

“We went into this house and we were like, ‘Yeah, we can fix this up, and we can live here for free, and that’s how we can tour and book shows and go to Chicago,’” Crane says. That house, which the Funs call Rose Raft, has become a home away from home for Chicago bands, who can count on Crane and Lesicko to share food, conversation, and a place to crash. The Hecks and Coffin Ships are among the friends who’ve stopped in, and the Sueves and Ego have even recorded there.

The Funs met in Saint Louis and formally started the band in Chicago in 2009—Crane came here for art school in 2004, and in 2005 she convinced Lesicko, who’d dropped out of high school at 17, to follow her. They’ve been dating off and on since that year, and as of their tour this October, they’re engaged.

Crane and Lesicko had a grim time of it in Chicago at first, living in crappy houses and grieving the death of Crane’s older brother.

“The name of our band, the Funs, came J

FEBRUARY 11, 2016 - CHICAGO READER 21

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Philip Jerome Lesicko and Jessee Rose Crane of the Funs, living up to their band’s name ò BOSCO NICHOLLS

Valentine’s Day mix continued from 20 from me being so fucking suicidal and sort of catatonic,” Crane says. “Philip was, like, pulling me by my ankles: ‘You need to get in the basement with me and play some music— we’ll have fun.’”

Despite their name, the Funs don’t make buoyant pop. “We’re both vulnerable—we’re not hiding anything, and we definitely put everything out there and let people take what they will from it,” says Lesicko. “It’s interesting not being an accessible band, for the most part, and it really gives you perspective on why you’re creating something.” My Survival swerves between brooding and incandescent; massive, sluggish guitars swarm with firecrackers of fuzz, and the drums shift with the music’s mood, sometimes pounding away and sometimes pulling back to provide a light swing. Crane and Lesicko treat their vocals with just enough reverb to make their moans and mumbles bleed into one another. On first listen it’s tough to make out most of the words, but the feelings they convey are clear enough—and no matter how dark the songs

get, you get the feeling that light is always around the corner.

By the time the Funs moved downstate, they’d helped their corner of the Chicago’s DIY scene blossom. In 2011 they started a label, Manic Static, that’s since released music by some of the best young rock outfits in town, including garage-pop darlings Twin Peaks, noise hurricane Melkbelly, and indie heartthrobs Ne-Hi. The Funs have stood by their DIY ideals—for their six-week fall tour supporting My Survival, Lesicko did all the booking—but that hasn’t prevented them from landing high-profile gigs with the likes of Parquet Courts and the Breeders. Sometimes it’s been grueling for them—to afford a practice space, they once lived in a Pilsen apartment where only the kitchen was heated, and at one point they were both juggling two jobs—but their love for making music continues to burn bright. “To make something as a human being that other human beings can relate to—or get high off of, or get them through something—that’s what music is to me,” Lesicko says.

MUSIC The Funs return to Chicago to headline the first night of Two Piece Fest Midwest on Friday at Subterranean (see Soundboard), and because it’s almost Valentine’s Day, I asked Crane and Lesicko to make a themed mixtape for us. Crane picked five songs for the A side, and Lesicko chose another five for the B side.

The Reader’s Valentine’s Day issue is all about complicated relationships, something the Funs know a lot about. As they explain their song choices, it’s easy to see how many bumps they’ve weathered on their own road—but that’s part of what makes love work.

JESSEE ROSE CRANE’S SIDE: The Breeders “Off You” I couldn’t not pick it, because it was the classic “I’m a teenager and brooding and fucked-up and sad and lying on the floor and listening to that song.” It took me out of my body. It’s one of the most beautiful songs in the world, without even exaggerating—I’m absolutely floored by it. It’s insane that we went on tour with the Breeders last year, and that Philip e-mailed Kim Deal and she called us.

It just felt so validating—we’ve been pushing and pushing and pushing ourselves for years. Off Broadway in Saint Louis was the first show on the tour, and “Off You” was the first song that the Breeders sound-checked. I was sitting up in the balcony, and I just looked over at Philip like, “What the fuck is going on.” It’s like I had this other out-of-body experience— this once-in-a-lifetime thing that you know is happening right then, and you’re able to fully feel it, that’s what that song is. Plus it’s got the lyrics—talk about love! That’s the thing I like about Kim Deal—her lyrics are just so strange and beautiful, and they’re abstract but also you know they’re about something and you can apply it to parts of your life. “I am the autumn in the scarlet / I am the makeup on your eyes” is one of the most beautiful things to me. I just think it’s really heavy in this really lovely way.

I sewed all these dolls. That sounds so fucking weird to say out loud, because it is, but I made these bunnies out of T-shirts, like these rabbits and cats. They have button eyes—

they’re as creepy as you think—but they’re also very sweet and cool looking. I sewed one of these things for each person in the Breeders, and I gave them to them. I was so freaked out—I’m painfully aware of how weird that is—and they fucking loved them. They just lost their shit, and they’re just as weird as me.

DANCE

Sleater-Kinney “Buy Her Candy” It’s a beautiful song. There’s no drums or anything. It almost feels like an afterthought, in a good way. It’s like art to me. A song isn’t just a fucking song to me, it’s a fucking experience—that’s how I think about every song. It’s exhausting. I really respect when people think about something from beginning to end as something you’re experiencing, and that song to me is just this little drop of art—it’s really brief and very simple, and I just love that line, “If I buy her candy, will she know who I am.”

It’s just a simple, beautiful sentence. I also just loved candy—I still love candy, but when I was a teenager and liked that song, I had Pixy Stix all over my bed.

I first heard it when I was probably 15. That’s around when Philip and I met too. Philip and I met when he was like 14—I don’t know, I’m a couple years older than Philip. He was young.

He tells me it was love—and I believe it—love at first sight. Like when he saw me with the fuckin’ Mohawk, that I was his soulmate. He was a 14-year-old—I wasn’t thinking about him in that way, ’cause that would be really weird—but I definitely felt electricity when I met him. There was something where I became very fascinated with him and wanted to spend more time with him. I actually did struggle with those feelings.

We love each other so much, we say it’s like E.T. and Elliott—we really feel what the other’s feeling, and that’s what’s so weird about writing music together. It’s just so natural.

Kevin Coyne “Jackie and Edna” Kevin Coyne was so antimusic, he was anti playing guitar chords. I could really relate to that, because he was this artist and performer first—the ideas of things are way more exciting to me. Ideas are what get me high. I picked “Jackie and Edna” because it’s unique and also sort of sad. There’s a lot of love in that song, like, “Why can’t we go out, darling, like we J

PLAY Find a release.

It’s a chance to find yourself. It’s a chance to be yourself. Maybe you want to hone your guitar chops. Maybe you think you can tango. No problem. It’s all here. And no matter what you come for, what you find here you won’t find anywhere else.

Find your folk at the Old Town School of Folk Music.

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24 CHICAGO READER - FEBRUARY 11, 2016

MUSIC Valentine’s Day mix continued from 23 did before?” And the idea that “Life should be ever open, like an open door.” The line where he’s like, “They say you’re married with children of your own,” I think that’s such a sad thing—he’s talking about life should be open, but the door has closed on that love.

I have so much empathy. That didn’t happen to me, but you sort of think about people that you’ve loved and what they’re doing now. That love doesn’t really go away, in a good way.

Love isn’t a thing that disappears—I think it’s something that really shapes you.

Not everybody has somebody. Even being with Philip, we’ve broken up several times and been through hell, so that’s fucking part of it.

I’ve had those hell Valentine’s Days—that’s definitely part of love—and not everybody is going to the movies on Valentine’s Day.

Adam Faucett “Love” Adam Faucett sings a lot of analogies and metaphors in this song: “Love is like a baby,” “Maybe it’s more like a temple,” and then “Where the history is the sun.”

I think he’s fucking brilliant, I really do. He’s got that voice—he reminds me of, like, Otis Redding, like when he belts that shit out. He’s got that “it,” sort of the theme of this whole conversation. That magic, Adam has that.

Philip met him at a party—Philip ended up going into this room to get away from the party, and Adam was in there. We never would’ve crossed paths with him otherwise, but Philip called me—“I met this guy!” He was just so excited.

He’s in this whole other music identity with the country stuff. He has his own pigeonholes and his own problems with that, because Adam’s a fucking weirdo—you can hear it in the guitar at the end of that song. He’s starting to release that Dinosaur Jr., Sonic Youth shit, and then he pulls it back. I think if Adam could have his cake and eat it too, then he would just completely rock out.

Lala Lala “Anyway” Lillie West, she’s the primary songwriter in Lala Lala, and she’s young, smart, and passionate. Manic Static put out their seven-inch—I’m not just trying to promote Manic Static here, it’s a really honest thing. When I think about

love, Lala Lala comes in, because their songs are personal in that way. Their lyrics have this really relatable quality. “Anyway” is not a love song, but the line “I’m sorry to everybody” was what made me pick that one, because I think it’s something everyone can relate to.

Lillie was running this warehouse space in Pilsen. We played a couple really amazing shows there—we played there on New Year’s Eve two years ago. It was just a huge space; her roommates ended up not wanting to do it anymore, which is incredibly understandable.

Then she started Lala Lala right at that time. I remember hearing a recording and being like, “I really like this.”

PHILIP JEROME LESICKO’S SIDE: Flesh World “A Sturdy Swiss Hiker” I’m attracted to bands that have pop elements kind of buried in nastiness. The lyrics are important for me, especially on the topic of Valentine’s. The first line is “My heart’s a sturdy Swiss hiker.” There’s so much meaning in songs that you can just create your own dialogue; it’s sort of abstract. That’s what I like about this song. It’s really pretty.

To me it just means being strong; you’re having a lot of love but also protecting yourself too. The second line is “Hell-bent on cruel survival,” which is also really fucking cool.

Sonic Youth “Cotton Crown” Sonic Youth has always been one of my favorite bands, since I was a kid watching skateboarding videos. Going from mall punk, like Rancid shit, to putting on a Transworld video—and Sonic Youth or something like that would be on there—totally changed my perspective on music, and guitar music especially.

This song is very fitting for Valentine’s Day, and the lyrics are straightfoward but also not.

Like “You got a cotton crown, I’m gonna keep it underground,” I think that’s such a beautiful line. It has so much meaning.

Just having a husband-and-wife band where

MUSIC there wasn’t a front person. They were both, to me, very equal, which is exciting, ’cause they both played bass and guitar. It’s just a love song. It has that cool noise stuff in the background and basically takes all my favorite elements and squishes them together.

They’re one of the only bands that I will say would be an influence on me, especially in our other band Jessee and I started, Swear Beam.

It’s hard not to play guitar in this weirder, noisy way. When I started playing guitar at 14, I would crank my shitty little amp up as loud as I could and just play these weird chords—just from hearing that music and it being so powerful to me.

really different-sounding stuff. Some of it’s straight-up funk music. This song, I like the guitar parts, and I think the lyrics are really cool. This band is just feel-good stuff for me, even though some of the lyrics are pretty dark.

That’s what’s also cool about creating a song where the music is uplifting and poppy, and then the lyrics are definitely darker.

That’s love, man, especially for me—it’s a roller coaster. There’s gonna be times where things are dark. Love songs—there are so many of them, and the songs that really stick out to me have a darker edge to ’em. Jessee and I are both very dark humans—it’s just from what our lives have been like.

Waveless “Through Meditation”

Gun Outfit “Another Human Being”

I saw Waveless in the basement of this Saint Louis record store, Apop. We played with them a few times and slowly have become friends with them. We like to go to Minneapolis; it’s a very supportive scene up there. Their record is just really good, and almost all their songs have boy-girl vocal harmony, which is one of my favorite things. It’s exciting to have a band that’s kind of similar in popularity and just doing their own thing. They’re one of my favorite new bands, especially from the midwest.

Last tour we did was six weeks, after the record came out. I booked the whole thing from meeting people in the past and those people suggesting me to other people. I hit up Dustin [McChesney] from Waveless; he booked us an incredible show in a basement with all these kids that really cared about it, bought our records, and talked to us. I made a couple friendships from that—this kid Alex [Uhrich], who’s in this band Royal Brats that we’re playing with soon. Some of those connections are so incredible that you do have a lifelong friend.

This song, I’m not really even positive what the lyrics are. It’s one of those hazy songs.

It makes me feel good, the same way other things involving love or positive environments do. It’s just very floaty.

The lyrics are very poetic. “Another Human Being” is basically a love song, but it’s also got that dark twist on it. Gun Outfit are just one of those bands that are sort of timeless—like, you could listen to this in the 70s and not think differently about it. It’s got a country vibe.

Some of the lyrics are cool, where you could just read them. Neil Young, when you read his lyrics, some of them are straight-up cheese, where you’re like, “Man, this is silly,” but the way he delivers them changes them. With Gun Outfit, you just read them and they’re so intense. There’s a line in this song that I really like: “Is it my free will or mental illness that I love you still.” The way [Dylan Sharp] sings it is very cool.

I thought it was a very good last song—it’s kind of drifty. [Dylan and Carrie Keith] also do a lot of singing together, which is cool, definitely maybe a theme—half of them are boygirl vocals, which is something we’re doing a little more of for our next record.

Jessee and I have been together for ten years. We’ve both struggled with mental illness, depression, and anxiety, and then we both really care about and love each other. It’s something that I feel like this song is a theme for—it’s sort of like he’s talking to someone, and there’s this inner dialogue. It seems kind of schizophrenic in a way. That’s what I really like about his lyrics—or her lyrics—on these recordings. There’s this element of paranoia that I really like, just being a paranoid person too and having dealt with a lot of stuff, especially in the earlier years of my life. This is my theme song in a way. v

Unknown Mortal Orchestra “Swim and Sleep (Like a Shark)” Ruban [Nielson], who writes and records this stuff—the way he plays guitar and writes these songs is just so outer spacey. It definitely has elements of funk, jazz, rock, and all that shit. It’s just really cool to hear, for me,

v @imLeor FEBRUARY 11, 2016 - CHICAGO READER 25

Recommended and notable shows, and critics’ insights for the week of February 11

MUSIC

b

ALL AGES

F

PICK OF THE WEEK

Des Ark’s quasi-symphonic pop songs offer a little something for everyone

Fleshgod Apocalypse ò COURTESY NUCLEAR BLAST

THURSDAY11 Des Ark See Pick of the Week (left). Options and Wedding Dress open. 9 PM, Empty Bottle, 1035 N. Western, $10.

FRIDAY12 Lyric Opera’s Nabucco 7:30 PM, Civic Opera House, 20 N. Wacker, $20-$399. b ò MARC KRAUSE

DES ARK, OPTIONS, WEDDING DRESS

Thu 2/11, 9 PM, Empty Bottle, 1035 N. Western, $10

IN A SEPTEMBER INTERVIEW with After Ellen, a culture site for and about lesbian and bisexual women, Des Ark founder and front woman Aimée Argote explains her curious relationship with music. “I feel more influenced by stories of my family and my friends and my community than I ever have felt about music,” she says. “I’m one of those people that eats up everything musically, but savors none of it.” That might explain why October’s Everything Dies (Graveface) sounds worlds apart from what’s being produced by the harsh punk circles she usually travels in. Argote’s resonant, quasi-symphonic pop songs speak a universal language, and anyone with a brain and nerve endings can find something to grab on to, regardless of that person’s scene, sexuality, or music preferences. On “French Fries Are Magical” Argote softly sings “I cannot believe, until you believe in me” over a nimble acoustic guitar and a glimmer of slide guitar. She expertly transforms the track from one ready to fall apart to one that courageously sweeps to a close, suggesting that it’s as much about finding strength within yourself as it is finding the right person for you. —LEOR GALIL

26 CHICAGO READER - FEBRUARY 11, 2016

A biblical melodrama with a lilting 19th-century soundtrack, Nabucco was the breakthrough opera for Giuseppe Verdi when it premiered at La Scala in 1842. Lyric Opera has offered it only twice before, because, according to general director Anthony Freud, it’s a devil to cast, with three very difficult lead roles. They’ve all been mastered in this production, which features a solid Lyric debut by bass Dmitry Belosselskiy as the Hebrew prophet Zaccaria. Compelling soprano Tatiana Serjan scales double-octave slides and is fully convincing as the villainous Assyrian princess Abigaille, while baritone Zeljko Lucic builds from a suppressed start to deeply moving final scenes in the title role of her father, King Nebuchadnezzar. The story of Jews fighting for Israel is less exotic today than it was in Verdi’s time, when it resonated as a call for Italian unification. From duets and trios to full choral pieces (including the familiar “Va, Pensiero”), the ensemble singing is glorious. Carlo Rizzi conducts the Lyric orchestra. —DEANNA ISAACS

Two-Piece FEst Midwest See also Saturday.

The Funs headline; Coma Regalia, Jack & Ace, and Pussy Foot open. 10:30 PM, Subterranean, 2011 W. North, $8, $13 two-day pass. 17+

Oh, the advantages of playing in a two-piece band.

One, no need for a van. If you Tetris it right, you can probably fit all of your equipment in a Toyota Tercel and set out on a cross-country tour. Two, a greater split of the pot. The $50 you guys just got paid to play that youth-group community center in Moline looks a lot nicer cut in half than in fifths, doesn’t it? Three, there’s only one person to incessantly bicker with and torment. Because you can just pop in a Steely Dan cassette and ignore that asshole for hours. Two-piece bands are very often the red-headed stepchildren of the music community—probably viewed more as zany and playful rather than serious, ahem, “projects”—but for the past three years in Chicago, indie-rock- and punk-based duos have been getting a sliver of the spotlight, at least for a single weekend in February (this doesn’t count the “Power of Two” twopiece festival held at the defunct DIY space People Projects in 2007 and 2008). Two-Piece Fest Midwest is the spawn of Philly’s original Two-Piece Fest, begun by Peter Helmis and Craig Woods (of the band Peter & Craig) in 2008. That one is a much larger party than the Chicago version, which spent its first two years at ChiTown Futbol in Pilsen before slimming down quite a bit and splitting off this year into two manageable shows at Subterranean (it was initially designed as more of an all-day blowout fest). Chicago bands make up the bulk of the two bills and feature reverb-loaded, guy-and-gal garage-rock group the Funs (see page 20 for much more), cozy and clean indie-pop duo Jack & Ace (featuring Braid’s Bob Nanna), and the bouncy yet noisy power-punk tandem Tinkerbelles. Out-of-towners include the sloppy and wistful hardcore dudes in Indiana’s Coma Regalia, math-rock extremists in Florida’s Jitters, and angular-punk-anthem composers Peter & Craig (Helmis comes from Philly; Woods lives here now and has organized the Chicago version with the help of Dave Collis of Slow Mass). Check out two-

Where are the rest of the music listings?

Find them at chicagoreader.com/soundboard.

Parquet Courts ò BEN RAYNER piecefest.com for all of the two-piece details.

—KEVIN WARWICK

SATURDAY13 Godspeed You! Black Emperor See also Sunday. Xylouris White open. 7 PM, Rockefeller Chapel, University of Chicago, 5850 S. Woodlawn, sold out. 17+ In 1994 Canadian postrock collective Godspeed You! Black Emperor began forging the template for their oft-imitated but never overshadowed quiet-loud orchestral dirges honeycombed with field recordings and live film projections. Cassette and CD-R dubs of their output spread through underground music circles faster than juicy gossip—beginning with their first DIY cassette, up to and through their 1997 studio debut, F#A#∞ (pronounced “F-Sharp, A-Sharp, Infinity”). At the time there was perhaps nothing more entrancing and unnerving than that album’s opener, “The Dead Flag Blues,” with its detached and oracular narrator proclaiming “The car is on fire, and there’s no driver at the wheel.” In Godspeed’s 20-plus-year existence they have been pegged as anarchists and detained by the FBI on suspicions of terrorism; meanwhile they founded a recording studio, then paused for a lengthy hiatus, reunited to critical acclaim, and cranked out epic long-players of increasing instrumental sophistication and political intelligence. In repeatedly bookending drones with guitar-anddrum crashes, 2015’s Asunder, Sweet and Other Distress (Constellation)—their second LP since reemerging—doesn’t really break the Godspeed mold, but it does cement the group as masters of their craft. The album serves as both an esteemed entry in the postrock genre and an unequivocally distinct tapestry of Godspeedness. On board for this pair of shows is the current eight-member lineup, featuring founders Efrim Menuck (guitar,

tape loops, keyboards), Mike Moya (guitar), and Mauro Pezzente (bass) in addition to Thierry Amar (bass), David Bryant (guitar, tape loops), Aidan Girt (percussion, drums), Timothy Herzog (percussion, drums), and Sophie Trudeau (violin). Philippe Leonard will helm the film projections. —ERIN OSMON

Two-piece Fest Midwest See Friday.

Peter & Craig headline; Jitters, Minimum Wage Assassins, Secret Means of Escape, and Tinkerbelles open. 6 PM, Subterranean, 2011 W. North, $8, $13 two-day pass. 17+

SUNDAY14 Chili-Synth Cook-Off Competitors: Tyson Torstensen, Jim Magas, Mike Broers, Suit & Tie Guy. 7 PM, Empty Bottle, 1035 N. Western, $5.

Now six years into its mission, the Chili-Synth Cook-Off—otherwise billed as the “Sonic Interpretation of an Artist’s Chili”—still remains as cryptic, outside-the-box, and flat-out wacky a concept as it was when experimental/noise artist Brett Naucke and DJ and producer Beau Wanzer hatched it in 2011. But because February remains a desperate time and chili so often soothes the frigid soul, the pair’s concept of pairing homemade chili with analog-synth compositions—no laptops allowed, Poindexter—has developed into a popular and fun annual chow down, albeit one misunderstood by those bum-rushing the line to get at the CrockPots. Here are the brass tacks: contenders whip up appetizing chili, contenders transport appetizing chili to Chili-Synth Cook-Off, contenders each play original synth-focused work that best represents his appetizing chili, attendees consume appetizing chili at the same time as performance, attendees vote for favorite (and most appetizing) chili-synth combo. Last year’s champion, Tyson J

FEBRUARY 11, 2016 - CHICAGO READER 27

4544 N LINCOLN AVENUE, CHICAGO IL OLDTOWNSCHOOL.ORG • 773.728.6000

MUSIC

JUST ADDED • ON SALE THIS FRIDAY! 3/24 & 3/25 Patti Smith & Family Spring Awakening II (A Celebration of Poetry & Song) featuring Jackson Smith, Jesse Smith, & Tony Shanahan 3/13 Purim Party with The Schticklers 6/4 National Tap Day

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 12 8PM

Caravan of Thieves

In Szold Hall

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 13 8PM

Peter Case In Szold Hall SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 14 10:30AM & 1:30PM

Okee Dokee Brothers Kids' Concert FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 19 8PM

Bill Frisell

"When You Wish Upon a Star"

Fetty Wap ò BRAD BARKET/GETTY

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 20 5 & 8PM

continued from 27

with Petra Haden, Eyvind Kang, Thomas Morgan, and Kenny Wollesen

Lúnasa / Tim O'Brien FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 26 8PM

George Kahumoku Jr., Led Kaapana & Jeff Peterson Masters of Hawaiian Music

Torstensen, returns to defend his crown against musicians Jim Magas, Mike Broers, and Suit & Tie Guy, each of whom probably knows his way around a Minimoog. Bring an appetite and an open mind.

—KEVIN WARWICK

Godspeed You! Black Emperor See Saturday. Xylouris White open. 8:30 PM, Thalia Hall, 1807 S. Allport, sold out. 17+

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 27 8PM

Jane Siberry

In Szold Hall

SATURDAY, MARCH 5 8PM

Dale Watson

with special guest Bailey Dee

ACROSS THE STREET IN SZOLD HALL 4545 N LINCOLN AVENUE, CHICAGO IL

2/19 2/20 2/26 3/4

Global Dance Party: The Flat Cats Alash Global Dance Party: Paa Kow Band Sultans of String with sitar master Anwar Khurshid 3/5 Cerqua Rivera Dance Theatre Inside/Out 2016 Kick-Off 3/5 Carrie Rodriguez 3/11 Global Dance Party: NuBambu 3/12 Radney Foster

WORLD MUSIC WEDNESDAY SERIES FREE WEEKLY CONCERTS, LINCOLN SQUARE

2/17 Warrior King 2/24 Noura Mint Seymali

OLDTOWNSCHOOL.ORG 28 CHICAGO READER - FEBRUARY 11, 2016

Sir Andras Schiff 3 PM, Symphony Center, 220 S. Michigan, $40-$99. b At some point in the early 90s I picked up a recording of Bach’s Goldberg Variations by Hungarian-born British pianist András Schiff. That album proved to be a gateway to classical music for me, though I still consider myself a novice when it comes to the genre. In recent years I’ve been collecting the many solo albums Schiff has been making for ECM—and they have yet to disappoint.

His latest effort, from 2015, features late work by Franz Schubert, part of the “Last Sonatas” project Schiff launched the same year. For that he’s playing the final piano sonatas composed by Haydn, Beethoven, Mozart, and Schubert—the four greats of Vienna’s classical era—and this weekend he’ll end the venture by playing the final sonatas from each of them. While I don’t feel qualified to analyze the works in any meaningful way, I can say that Schiff’s playing continues to be a key entryway for me. His tonal clarity, exquisite touch, and respect for the repertoire have helped him remain one of classical music’s most superb soloists (the 62-year-old was knighted by Queen Elizabeth in 2014). —PETER MARGASAK Wet Ink 8:30 PM, Constellation, 3111 N. Western, $10. 18+

Classical musicians need material to play, and composers need players. Fortunately for Wet Ink four of their seven core members contribute material to a repertoire that already includes music by Mathias Spahlinger, George Lewis, and Anthony Braxton. The collective intensely engage with challenging pieces—digging in rather than just playing from sheet music and moving on—and they adjust their size to the music’s needs. Wet Ink swelled to a dozen members for a recent performance of Braxton’s work, but for this current midwest tour they number just three—pianist Eric Wubbels, violinist Josh Modney, and electronic musician Sam Pluta.

They’ll play two extended pieces, both composed by group members. Wubbels’s “The Children of Fire Come Looking for Fire” is as violent as a thunderstorm, with amplified string-scrapes slamming into a hail of woody prepared-piano notes, while Pluta’s “Hydra” contains even more dramatic changes, its swarming blasts of electronic noise overwhelming intricate acoustic passages. —BILL MEYER

MONDAY15 Fleshgod Apocalypse Carach Angren, Abigail Williams, Beyond De-th, and Ethereal Blood open. 7 PM, Reggie’s Rock Club, 2105 S. State, $20, $17 in advance. 17+ If the symphonic-death-metal genre has a pitfall to beware of, it’s that fetishizing the technical proficiency required by both classical and metal musicians can lead to music that sounds like it’s forgotten to appeal to nonmusicians. Italian band Fleshgod Apocalypse blast through this concern like the Kool-Aid Man charging through a stage-set wall.

Their forthcoming fifth full-length, King (Nuclear Blast), the follow-up to 2013’s celebrated Labyrinth, comes in a two-CD limited edition that includes just the symphonic parts of the compositions—so

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Where are the rest of the music listings?

Find them at chicagoreader.com/soundboard.

Parquet Courts Love of Everything open.

8:30 PM, Thalia Hall, 1807 S. Allport, sold out. 17+

Morimoto ò MEGAN CAPPS

you can hear that the orchestral elements are far, far more than mere flourishes. Of course the real meat is the album as it was meant to be, featuring blistering guitar work and remarkable dynamics that range between high and clean and raw and filthy.

They don’t tour the U.S. very often, and this bill has a superb lineup. —MONICA KENDRICK

TUESDAY16 Morimoto Rich Jones headlines; Oddcouple, Qari, Morimoto, and Defcee open. The O’My’s spin. 8 PM, Schubas, 3159 N. Southport. F On last year’s self-released For Me & Ladie, Chicago rapper, producer, and saxophonist Sen Morimoto glides his frictionless, soulful, intimate vocals over tinny keys, snaggletoothed sax, and percussion as thin as rice paper. There are precedents for fragments of his sound—when I first heard the album I connected it to the effervescence of J-pop and the fun-house-mirror way in which vaporwave reimagines Muzak. But Morimoto doesn’t allow those musical ideas to restrict him or lock him up in a vise. He refashions the sounds he draws from into ebullient bursts that hit at bizarre angles but never undermine his relatability. The blended nightcore soul of “Bae” hits with a percolating warmth, and Morimoto’s croon on “Torture Love” nails the way affection outlasts conflict. Idiosyncratic Chicagoan MC Tree shows up on the latter track as the album’s sole guest, and though he’s about a decade older than Morimoto—and faces different romantic struggles— his world is nonetheless connected. Because once the scrapes are over they both just want someone to stick around while the bruises heal. —LEOR GALIL

Since their 2011 debut LP, American Specialties, Brooklyn’s Parquet Courts have cut loose a constant stream of records that excellently blend the arty, jagged-guitar interplay of a postpunk great like Wire with sketchy, Adderall-fueled fury and New York City cool. The band’s last proper fulllength, Content Nausea—which was recorded and performed completely by the band’s guitarist-singers Andrew Savage and Austin Brown and released under the name Parkay Quarts—might be the best of them all. It takes the jumpy, high-strung indie rock that made the band’s first few albums so fun and addictive and adds noise-rock grit and muscle, turning their sound into a sonic gut punch. Their latest two recordings find them branching out even further from their signature high-voltage indie rock.

On the 2015 EP Monastic Living (Rough Trade) Parquet Courts create almost entirely instrumental and noisy soundscapes, and this year’s Ramsgate, a live collaboration with NYC noise-punks PC Worship called PCPC, is six tracks of heady bad attitude.

Tomorrow night (Wed 2/17) Reader associate editor Kevin Warwick will moderate a discussion with Parquet Courts at the Chicago Athletic Association Hotel (12 S. Michigan) beginning at 8:30 PM; that will be followed by a band DJ set from 10 PM till midnight. —LUCA CIMARUSTI

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MON

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After midnight on a Sunday in early August I found myself sharing a Red Line car with a skinny black teenager dressed entirely in white, blasting Fetty Wap’s sublime singles on an oversize speaker jutting out of his backpack. Standing by one of the train’s entrances, the teen fiddled with his bleached, tightly wound dreads and held his phone aloft while occasionally mumbling along with the rapper-singer’s cascading vocals on the irresistible “My Way.” Of all the experiences I’ve had on public transit, few have been quite as compelling and cool, and that says as much about the kid as it does about the music. In 2015 no other pop artist instantly transformed the room like Fetty Wap, an unexpected hit maker from New Jersey who sings like he’s from the Caribbean but is unabashedly himself. His missing left eye, which he lost to congenital glaucoma as a kid, became as much a topic of conversation as his music, and he talks about his vision with the same openness he expresses in song. His first four singles, all of which are featured on his 2015 self-titled debut for 300 Entertainment, held spots in the top ten of Billboard’s Hot Rap Songs chart at the same time—a first for a breakout act’s debut singles—and the irresistible, romantic “Trap Queen” held court last summer. Today the single is less omnipresent, and my reflex to play it on repeat has slackened, but that’s only made it easier to get addicted to other portions of Fetty. The yearning, winsome single “Again” and dissolving vocal hook of “Jugg” are welcome additions to otherwise mundane daily routines, like taking a ride on the CTA, for instance. —LEOR GALIL v

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Wine by the Glass $5, Jameson $5, Patron $7, Founders 12oz All Day IPA Cans $3.50

$6 Firestone Walker Opal pints $6 Finch Vanilla Stout 16 oz. cans $7 house wines $8 Few Spirits

Moosehead pints $3.75, Hamms cans $2.50, Special Export Bush Longneck bottles $3, Foster Big cans $5

Heineken Bottles $4, Bloodies feat.

Absolut Peppar Vodka $5, Original Moonshine $5, Corzo $5, Sailor Jerry’s Rum $4, Deschutes Drafts $4

$4.75 Bloody Mary and Marias

$6 Firestone Walker Opal pints $6 Finch Vanilla Stout 16 oz. cans $7 house wines $8 Few Spirits

Moosehead pints $3.75, Hamms cans $2.50, Special Export Bush Longneck bottles $3, Foster Big cans $5

Buckets of Miller & Bud Bottles (Mix & Match) $14, Guinness & Smithwicks Drafts $4, Bloodies feat, Absolut Peppar Vodka $5, Ketal One Cocktails $5

$6 Jameson shots, $3 PBR bottles, $4 Half Acre brews, FREE POOL, “Hoppy Hour” 5pm8pm = 1/2 price IPAs + pale ales

$1 off all beers including craft

CLOSED

Moosehead pints $3.75, Hamms cans $2.50, Special Export Bush Longneck bottles $3, Foster Big cans $5

All Draft Beers Half Price, Makers Mark Cocktails $5, Crystal Head Vodka Cocktails $4

TUE

$6 Jameson shots, $3 PBR bottles, $2 and $3 select beers

$2 off all Whiskeys and Bourbons

$6 Firestone Walker Opal pints $6 Finch Vanilla Stout 16 oz. cans $7 house wines $8 Few Spirits

Moosehead pints $3.75, Hamms cans $2.50, Special Export Bush Longneck bottles $3, Foster Big cans $5

Jim Beam Cocktails $4, Jameson Cocktails $5, Cabo Wabo $5, Malibu Cocktails $4, Corona Bottles $3.50, PBR Tall Boy Cans $2.75

WED

$6 Jameson shots, $3 PBR bottles, 1/2 price aliveOne signature cocktails, $4 Goose Island brews, “Hoppy Hour” 5pm-8pm = 1/2 price IPAs + pale ales

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Moosehead pints $3.75, Hamms cans $2.50, Special Export Bush Longneck bottles $3, Foster Big cans $5

Stoli/Absolut & Soco Cocktails $4, Long Island Iced Teas $5, Herradura Margaritas $5, Stella/Hoegaarden/ Deschutes Drafts $4, Goose Island 312 Bottles $3.50

$5 Martinis, Lemon Drop, Cinnamon Apple, Mai Tai, French, Cosmo, On the Rocks, Bourbon Swizzle, Pomegranate Margarita

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FEBRUARY 11, 2016 - CHICAGO READER 29

FOOD & DRINK

IMMM RICE & BEYOND | $$ R 4949 N. Broadway 773-293-7378 immmchicago.com

NEW REVIEW

Immm Rice & Beyond introduces Uptown to Thai street food The “meat-and-three” concept goes Thai at the fast-food spot on Broadway and Argyle.

By MIKE SULA

Immm specializes in khao rad gang, or rice and curry dishes (the term “curry” here used loosely), arrayed on steam tables. ò JAMIE RAMSAY

30 CHICAGO READER - FEBRUARY 11, 2016

A

modest but significant burst in new, noteworthy Thai restaurants lit up Chicago over the last year and a half, with small, independent operators offering relatively uncompromising food compared to the oversweetened, dumbed-down Ameri-Thai standards much of the city is used to. They’re not pioneers. They’re walking in the footsteps of the folks behind Spoon, Aroy Thai, and Andy’s Thai Kitchen, among others. In some cases they’re veterans of those kitchens.

You know all about Rainbow, perhaps the first of this new generation. But interesting and uncommon food can now be found at Paula’s Thai Kitchen in Lincoln Park, Tom Yum Cafe in Lakeview, and West Town’s JJ Thai Street Food. Uptown’s Immm Rice & Beyond is a unique-to-Chicago model specializing in khao rad gang, or rice and curry dishes (the term “curry” here used loosely), arrayed on steam tables from which the customer chooses a single dish or combination.

Those who remember the late, great Thai Grocery know there was a similar setup in the rear of the store, and the shuttered Lao restaurant Sabai Dee operated under the same principle. Think of it as the Thai version of the south’s “meat and three,” with the rice standing in—as it always should—as the most important part of the meal.

The partners behind Immm, which is a Thai expression of satiation, are Dew Suriyawan, 30, who took over the venerable Spoon Thai in 2012 with his sister, and Noon Tosakulwong, 35, who daylights as a programmer. The pair met seven years ago when Suriyawan took a job in Tosakulwong’s brother’s sushi-noodle restaurant Jaiyen.

Immm specializes in street food, of which khao rad gang is a significant category. In its purest form it provides Thais with inexpensive fast food at all hours of the day, particularly for takeout. Immm veers from convention in that it offers a variety of som tam, papaya salad, a la carte, with a choice of add-ins such as fermented crab, grilled pork neck, or preserved egg. They’re also doing a few noodle soups and made-to-order dishes, or aharn tam sang. In addition, Suriyawan is planning to offer a rotating selection of kreung jim, or pungent dips meant to be eaten with rice, boiled or raw vegetables, pork rinds, and/or fried fish. That would be groundbreaking for Chicago, but a significant departure from traditional khao rad gang.

As it stands Suriyawan goes shopping each morning in the markets around Broadway and Argyle and creates a daily menu usually of nine or ten dishes based on what he finds. Supply realities demand that some of these items repeat themselves, but usually there are at least one or two new things to be had each day.

Search the Reader’s online database of thousands of Chicago-area restaurants—and add your own review—at chicagoreader.com/food.

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One dish that will never go off the menu is gaeng tai pla, a southern Thai vegetable curry that as the menu’s description asserts is made with fermented fish guts. Those three words are capitalized as fair warning to the squeamish, but Suriyawan says many of his Thai customers come specifically for this dish. And with good reason. Tai pla, the key ingredient, which he orders from Los Angeles, is a murky, pungent black brew that packs an olfactory wallop straight out of the jar. But in the curry, mitigated by white rice, it softens in intensity yet still provides a deep, funky umami bottom end.

And that’s the great thing about Immm: much of the food—in all categories—is fearlessly seasoned across the spectrum of the Thai flavor rainbow. One variant of papaya salad, som tum puu pla rah—pounded with bits of salty black preserved crab and the fermented-fish-and-rice-powder seasoning pla rah—is one of the most powerfully funky versions I’ve come across, the deep oceanic soulfulness of the pla rah in stark contrast to the blazing, acidic lime and chile burn.

Meanwhile, the boat noodle soup kuay tiew ruea, typically spiked with a bit of pig’s blood in other local restaurants, here is perhaps the most ensanguined I’ve ever encountered, its iron-rich minerality laying the foundation for sweetness and spice.

Milder dishes can have a homey, mellow sweetness imparted by palm sugar, such as

pa lo, pork belly and whole eggs braised in a sauce redolent of five-spice, or curries, like roasted duck gaeng phe ped yang, bobbing with lychee and cherry tomatoes, or the yellow Indian-influenced massaman curry with potatoes and bone-in chicken pieces.

Suriyawan employs three chefs, one from northeastern Thailand, one from Bangkok, and one from the south, so interpretations may vary too. One day you might find pad prik normai, julienned bamboo shoots stir-fried with chicken bits, and on the next, pad prik normai mhooo sub, tossed with ground pork, the bamboo shoots cut in wider batons.

Still, there’s a uniform rusticity to a lot of these dishes that comes about in part by the time they spend settling on the steam table.

As with any buffet, it’s important to find the sweet spot. Suriyawan’s menu is posted on Facebook each morning, but arrive too early and some dishes may not be ready; show up too late and they may be gone.

Another aspect of the steam-table model that differs from the older Thai restaurants around town is its general transparency.

Servers are forthcoming with advice on which combinations work well together, and they’re eager to dispense tasting samples, which makes it simple to get a grip on the wealth of delicious possibilities that lay before you. v

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ò JULIA THIEL

FOOD & DRINK

BOOZE

Quincy Street Distillery brings a rare style of whiskey back to Illinois

By JULIA THIEL

D

errick Mancini likes to be first. Last year Mancini’s Quincy Street Distillery in Riverside, just outside the Chicago city limits, released the first straight bourbon made in Illinois in more than 40 years. (“Straight” meaning that the whiskey has been aged in charred new oak barrels for at least two years.) And in January the distillery released North American Steamship Rye, which is not only the first straight single-malt rye whiskey made in Illinois but one of only a few whiskeys of its type—a rare category within the already-niche category of rye whiskey—made in the U.S. As the name implies, the whiskey is made with rye grain that has been malted—sprouted and dried, a process that helps convert the grain’s starches to sugars.

(Malt whiskey, on the other hand, is made from malted barley.)

Mancini didn’t make a single-malt rye just to be different, though. Malted rye has a sweeter, rounder flavor than unmalted rye, which has a very spicy bite, he says. (“Single” here means that the whiskey has been distilled from just one type of grain—in this case, rye.)

“I can drink two-year-old bourbons,” he says, “but I would normally not drink a two-yearold rye—four years is as young as I’d want.”

Just as barrel-aging can help tame rye whiskey’s heat, so can malting the rye.

In the case of Quincy Street’s malt rye whiskey, the malting tames the f lavor so

32 CHICAGO READER - FEBRUARY 11, 2016

much that Mancini has also made a sixmonth-old version of the spirit—and in some ways he prefers it to the two-year-old whiskey he just released and the three-yearold version, which will come out in March.

“These young whiskey styles, they can get slammed by the traditionalists, but they have flavors you cannot get in the older aged whiskeys,” he says. “With longer aging, some of the flavors you associate with the grain will fade. In particular with the malt rye, the early release has more rye-bread sweetness.”

As the whiskey ages, he says, it gets “leaner and more sophisticated.”

Picking out what distinguishes the twoyear-old malt rye from the three-year-old version is tricky, though. “I can taste the difference, but I’m not sure I like the three-yearold so much better that I want to wait an extra year to age it,” Mancini says. “It’s a tough thing in this business because what a lot of people are hung up on is the age of the whiskey, even if it doesn’t bring much to the quality.”

Still, Mancini likes experimenting—“this is what we live and die for”—so he’s got a couple barrels of the malt rye that he intends to age for eight to ten years, just to see what tastes emerge. “There’s no way to really know until we do it,” he says. “We’re in the middle of that experiment now.” v

v @juliathiel

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1BR 2nd flr apt. $600/mo. Heat Incl. Mr. Smith. 773-531-3531 80TH and Hermitage. 1BR & 2BR, 3rd flr, $625 -$675/mo. Dennis 773-4459470

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Midwestern Career College is approved by the Division of Private Business and Vocational Schools of the Illinois Board of Higher Education. Gainful Employment information for each program is available on our website at www.mccollege.edu under program descriptions.

private Bath in Former Hotel In Gold Coast Chicago. $550 monthly plus $50 util-ities. $40 application/ credit/back-ground check. Call John for details at 847-778-5093.

MIDWAY AREA/63RD KEDZIE Deluxe Studio 1 & 2 BRs. All

modern oak floors, appliances, Security system, on site maint. clean & quiet, Nr. transp. From $445. 773582-1985 (espanol)

10508 S. MARYLAND, 1st flr, 1BR, carpet, A/C, stove/fridge, cfans, enclosed porch, heat not incl. $550 + sec. 773-704-4153, 10a-6p.

CHATHAM, 708 E. 81st (Langley), 1BR, 3rd flr. 738 E. 81st (Evans), 1BR, 3rd floor. $650/mo + security.

Call Mr. Joe at 708-870-4801 CHICAGO SOUTH - YOU’VE tried the rest, we are the best.

Apartments & Homes for rent, city & suburb. No credit checks.

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/ Blue Island Studio $530 & up, 1BR $650 & up, 2BR $875 & up. Heat, Appls, Balcony, Carpet, Laundry, Prkg. 708-388-0170

RIVERDALE - NEWLY decor,

2BR, appls, heated, A/C, lndry, prkng, no pets, near Metra. Sec 8 ok. $795.

708-798-4465

CHICAGO 8633 S Maryland. 1BR, 1st flr, completely renovated, hdwd ceramic tile, new blinds, appls, heated. $ 650 + sec. 773-874-2103 WEST PULLMAN (INDIANA

Ave) Nice, lrg 1 & 2BR w/balcony.

1BR $650, 2BR $750. Move-In Fee $300. Sec 8 Welcome. 773-995-6950

85TH & HERMITAGE , 2BR, $100 0/ month plus security deposit.

Hardwood floors,heat included.

Section 8 ok. 708-794-6485 CHATHAM 80TH/EVANS, 1BR, 1st flr, hdwd flrs, heat and appl incl. $650. $300 Move-In Fee. Call John 847-877-6502

CHICAGO - HYDE Park 5401 S. Ellis.

1BR. $535-$600/mo Call 773-955-5106

EXCHANGE EAST APTS 1 Brdm

$575 w/Free Parking,Appl, AC,Free heat. Near trans. laundry rm. Elec.not incl. Kalabich Mgmt (708) 424-4216 6930 S. SOUTH SHORE DRIVE Studios & 1BR, INCL. Heat, Elec, Cking gas & PARKING, $560-$850, Country Club Apts 773-752-2200

79th & Woodlawn and 76th & Phillips 1BRs $650-$700, Remodeled, appls avail. Free Heat. Sect 8 welcome. Call 312-286-5678 HYDE PARK -SGL.FURN.RMS. With Refrig & Microwave, Utils. Inc. Close to Lake and Trans.$515-$550.

Ldry&24hr sec. 773-577-9361

N RIVERSIDE: 1BR new tile/ windows, lndry facilitities, a/c, incls heat & natural gas, $849/mo Luis 708-366-5602 lv msg Chicago. 82nd & Justine. 1bdrm. near transportation. $675/mo. 1 month rent + 1 month Security.

Heat included. 773-873-1591

1 BR $700-$799 PLAZA ON THE PARK 608 East 51st Street. Very spacious renovated apartments. 1BR $722 - $801, 2BR $837 - $1,009, 3BR $1,082- $1,199, 4-5BR $1,273 - $1,405. Visit or call (773)548-9300, M-F 9am-5pm or apply online at www.plazaonthepark apts.com Managed by Metroplex, Inc

CALUMET CITY, HUGE 1BR, 1Ba, Newly rehabbed, appliances incl., $700/mo. + 1 month security.

Section 8 ok. Call 510-735-7171 MAYWOOD - QUIET, 1BR, dining & living rm, carpet, heat & appliances included. Close to trans. $800/mo + security. 708-450-9137

1 BR $800-$899 LAKESIDE TOWER, 910 W

Lawrence. 1 bedrooms starting at $825-$895 include heat and gas, laundry in building. Great view! Close to CTA Red Line, bus, stores, restaurants, lake, etc. To schedule a showing please contact Celio 773-3961575, Hunter Properties 773-4777070, www.hunterprop.com

ROGERS PARK/ EVANSTON!

EVANSTON. 818-1/2 FOREST

EDGEWATER. 1055 W Catalpa 1

TUDOR building with stunning details in apt! Lovely hdwd flrs, builtin bookshelves, built-in china cabinet, formal Dining Room. Onsite ln dry/storage. Only 2 blocks from Irving Park "EL"!

4237 North Hermitage.

Avail MARCH 1. (773) 381-0150 www.theschirmfirm.com

7665-7703 N. Sheridan Rd. 1 bedrooms starting at $875 to $925, includes heat and cooking gas! Hardwood floors, free WiFi. Vintage courtyard building, by Evanston Northwestern University, long-term private ownership, cats ok, dogs upon approval. For a showing please contact Samir 773-627-4894. Hunter Properties 773-477-7070 www. hunterprop.com

bedrooms starting at $875 to $925 heat and cooking gas included! Application fee $40. No security deposit. Parking available for an additional fee. Laundry room in the building, wood floors, close to grocery stores, restaurant, CTA Red Line train, etc.

For a showing please contact Millie 773-561-7070 Hunter Properties,Inc. 773-477-7070 www.hunterprop.com

ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT

near Warren Park and Metra. 1904 W Pratt. Hardwood floors. Cats OK. Heat included. Laundry in building. $ 830/ month. Available 3/1. 773-7614318, www.lakefrontmgt.com

Ave Apt C-3. Stately building on quiet street, near Sheridan Road. Sedate residential area. Near Main Street, shops, restaurants and transportation. Heat and appliances included.

We will fax floorplans upon request. 1 bedroom. Available now-6/30 option to renew. $1250. For appointment call 312-822-1037 weekdays until 5:30pm, Saturdays to 3pm.

GORGEOUS

ENGLISH

AVAIL APRIL 1! Gorgeous Eng-

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Beautiful hdwd flrs, built-in bookshelves, onsite lndry/storage. Only 2 blks to Irving Park "EL"! $1160.00 ht incl.

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WE’LL PUT YOU in our place.

1 BR $900-$1099 EVANSTON, 1404 CENTRAL,

Apt 107. Near Evanston Hospital and shuttle bus to Northwestern. Beautiful courtyard. Spacious vintage apartment, laundry and storage on premises. Near public transportation and el and super shopping on Central. Heat and appliances included. 31/2/1 bedroom. Available now-6/30.

Renew optional. $1050. For appointment call 312-822-1037 weekdays until 5:30pm, Saturdays to 3pm.

Hyde Park West Apts., 5325 S. Cottage Grove Ave., Renovated spacious apartments in landscaped gated community. Off street parking available. 2BR $1045 - Free heat. Visit or call 773-324-0280, M-F: 9am-5pm or apply online- www.hydepark we st.com. Managed by Metroplex, Inc

1 BR $1100 AND OVER LINCOLN PARK. 512-1/2 West

Addison. Available now and 3/1.

Magnificent apartments, super light and airy, set off by a beautiful courtyard. Laundry room, storage lockers.

Steps from the lake, steps from transportation and steps from shopping and recreation. Resident engineer. 4/1 bedroom garden $1245$1350. Heat and appliances included.

To see call 312-822-1037 weekdays until 5:30pm, Saturdays to 3pm.

DePaul District. 2901 North Seminary #103. Available 2/1. Cabinet kitchens and updated baths. Heat and appliances included. 2/1 bedroom $1225.

For appointment call 312-822-1037 weekdays until 5:30pm, Saturdays to 3pm.

BUCKTOWN, 1907 W CORTLAND 1st floo r,, 1 bedroom, clean, spacious, central air, laundry in building, $1300/mo. Available now. 708-448-2337.

1 BR OTHER PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT LOS VECINOS Apartments, located at 4250 W. North Avenue, Chicago, Illinois, is opening its subsidized Section 8 Waiting List for individuals in need of (SRO) Apartments.

Rent calculations are based upon your annual income and income limitations apply in order to qualify for residency. All requests for preapplications must be completed in person only and will be accepted at: Los Vecinos Apartments 4250 W. North Avenue Chicago, Illinois 60639 11:00 A.M. to 3:00P.M. Wednesday, February 17, 2016 CHICAGO - BEVERLY, LARGE 2 room Studio & 1BR, Carpet, A/C, laundry, near transportation, $640-$750/mo.

Call 773-233-4939

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT Karibuni Apartments, located at 8200 S. Ellis, Chicago, Illinois, is opening its subsidized Section 8 Waiting List for individuals in need of (SRO) Apartments. Rent calculations are based upon your annual income and income limitations apply in order to qualify for residency.

All requests for preapplications must be completed in person only and will be accepted at: Karibuni Apartments 8200 S. Ellis Chicago, Illinois 60619 10:00 A.M. to 2:00 P.M. Tuesday, February 16, 2016 PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT HOLLYWOOD HOUSE Apartments, a senior living community, located at 5700 N. Sheridan Rd., Chicago, Illinois, is opening its Waiting List for individuals in need of affordable Studio and 1Bedroom apartments.

Income limitations apply. All requests for pre-applications must be completed in at: Hollywood House Apartments 5700 N. Sheridan Rd Chicago, Illinois 60660 9:00 A.M. to 2:30 P.M. Wednesday, February 17, 2016 APTS. FOR RENT PARK MANAGEMENT & INVESTMENT LTD. THE HAWK HAS...

ARRIVED!!!

MOST INCLUDE HEAT & HOT WTR STUDIOS FROM $510.00 1BDR FROM $575.00 2BDR FROM $745.00 3 BDR/2 FULL BATH FROM $1175 **1-(773)-476-6000** CALL FOR DETAILS PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT LELAND APARTMENTS, located at 1207 W. Leland Ave., Chicago, Illinois, is opening its Waiting List for individuals in need of affordable Single Room Occupancy (SRO) and Studio apartments. Income limitations apply.

All requests for pre-applications must be completed in person at: Leland Apartments 1207 W. Leland Chicago, Illinois 60640 9:00 A.M. to 2:30 P.M. Tuesday, February 16, 2016 ROUND LAKE BEACH, IL Cedar Villas is accepting applications for subsidized 1BR apts. for seniors 62 years or older and the disabled.

Rent is based on 30% of annual income. For details, call us at 847-546-1899 ∫

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT SAN MIGUEL Apartments, located at 907 W. Argyle, Chicago, Illinois, is opening its Waiting List for individuals in need of affordable Studio, 1 bedroom and 2 bedroom apartments. Income limitations apply. All requests for preapplications must be completed in person at: San Miguel Apartments 907 W. Argyle St. Chicago, Illinois 60640 9:00 A.M. to 2:30 P.M. Monday, February 15, 2016 APTS. FOR RENT PARK MANAGEMENT & INVESTMENT LTD. THE HAWK IS HERE! HEAT, HW & CG INCLUDED 1BDR FROM $725.00 2BDR FROM $895.00 3 BDR/2 FULL BATH FROM $1175 **1-(773)-476-6000** CALL FOR DETAILS WAITING LIST OPEN Drexel Square Senior Apts. 810 E. 51st.

Chicago, IL. 60615 for Qualified Seniors 62+ Beautiful park like setting, Hyde park area, rent based on 30% of monthly income (sec.

8), A/C, heat, lndry., rec. rooms, storage space in apt, cable ready, intercom entrance system, 24 hours front desk customer service.

Applications will be accepted immediately between the hours of 11:00am-3:00pm at the above address. 773-268-2120 CHICAGO, 7727 S. Colfax, ground flr Apt., ideal for senior citizens. Secure bldng. Modern 1BR $595. Lrg 2BR, $800. Free cooking & heating gas. Free parking. 312613-4427 CALUMET CITY 158TH & PAXTON SANDRIDGE APTS 1 & 2 BEDROOM UNITS MODELS OPEN M-F, 9AM-5:30PM *** 708-841-5450 *** 77TH/LOWE 1 & 2BR. 101st/May 2BR, 69th/Dante, 3BR. 71st/ Bennett 2 & 3BR. 71st/Hermitage 3BR. New renov. Sec 8 ok. 708-5031366 SUBURBS, RENT TO O W N !

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FEBRUARY 11, 2016 | CHICAGO READER 33

WINTER SPECIAL $500 To-

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CHICAGO SOUTH SIDE Beauti-

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773-874-0100

8514 S. Burley. New rehab 3BR apts, Hdwd flrs, Stove, fridge and heat incl.

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MOVE IN SPECIAL!!!

B4 the N of this MO. & MOVE IN 4 $99.00 (773) 874-1122

Ashland Hotel nice clean rms.

24 hr desk/maid/TV/laundry/air.

Low rates daily/weekly/monthly.

South Side. Call 773-376-5200

ROYALTON HOTEL, Kitchen-

FREE HEAT 94-3739 S. BISH-

OP. 2BR, 5rm, 1st & 2nd floor, new appls, storage & closet space, near shops/ trans. $850 +sec 708-335-0786 7701 S. South Shore Dr. 2 BDs with 1.5 Baths, Large Combo Living-Dining Rm, FREE Heat & cking gas. Prkng extra. $785-$800, Kalabich Mgmt (708)424-4216

RENT TO OWN 2, 3, 4 & 5BR Homes 2 & 3 BR apts also avail, Sec 8 OK. 708-737-2036 or 312-662-3963 CHICAGO

7600 S Essex 2BR

$599, 3BR $699, 4BR $799 w/apprvd credit, no sec dep. Sect 8 Ok! 773287-9999 /312-446-3333

7350 UNIVERSITY. 2BR. $750/ mo. 10510 S. Maryland. 1 & 2BR. $580 & $700/mo. Security required. No Pets. 773-374-4357 CHICAGO SOUTHSIDE, Newly remodeled 3BR w/ appliances,

& 3BR w/ appliances. Call 773-908-8791

72ND & JEFFERY - 2BR, $750+ 1 .5 Sec Dep. 2nd Floor, New decor, heat incl. Good public trans.

312-221-3724 NO SEC DEP 1431 W. 78th. St. 1B R/2BR. $495-$595/mo . 6829 S.

Perry. Studio $460. 1BR. $515.HEAT INCL 773-955-5106

ette $135 & up wk. 1810 W. Jackson 312-226-4678

2 BR $900-$1099

ACACIA SRO HOTEL Men Preferred! Rooms for Rent. Weekly & Monthly Rates. 312-421-4597

81ST & MICHIGAN, C h a t h a m , large 5 rooms, 2BR, decorated, hdwd flrs, heat incl., $990 /mo + security. Brown Realty Inc. 773-239-9566

2 BR UNDER $900 CHICAGO - 3349 W. 21ST., 2BR, heat incl, no appliances. $700/mo, 1 mo. sec + 1 mo rent. Call Mrs. Jackson from 9-8 at 773-521-8836 Chicago, 9121 S. Cottage Grove, 2BR apt. $900/mo Newly remod,

appls, mini blinds, ceiling fans, Section 8 welcome. Call 312-9150100

CHICAGO, 1215 W. 80th St., 2nd floor Apt, 2 small BRs, with kitchen , living room & bath. $740 /mo, heat included. Call 773-8748812 CHICAGO, 69TH PLACE & Stony Island. 2-3BR, 1BA, 5 rooms.

Newly remodeled, hdwd floors. $750-$800. Sect 8 welc. 773-7580309 WASHINGTON NEAR Kedzie spacious 2BR, 1BA, newly decorated, updated kitchen & bath, exc trans. $900/mo. Heat incl. 708205-5526 East Chicago, IN, 2BR $675 Ht. Incl., 1 mo. free rent w/ lease. Call MIKE 773-577-9361

2BR/1BA RENOVATED; hdwd floors; large closets, laundry available; free heat & water. $1000/mo + $1000 dep. 8350 S Drexel; 773952-8137.

MONTICELLO & OHIO Beautiful 2BR apt, freshly painted, appl incl. tenant pays all util. Sect. 8 welcome. $900/mo + sec. dep. 773-533-0140 GLENWOOD - LARGE 2BR

Condo, H/F High Schl. balc, C/A, appls, heat, water/gas incl. 2 Pkg, lndry. $950 /mo. 708-612-3762

2 BR $1100-$1299 1436 S Trumbull, 2BR $1100/ month, no security deposit. New remodeled. Hardwood flrs, laundry .Security system in bldg .

Section 8 Welcome! 708-308-1788 CHATHAM BEAUTIFUL REMOD 2 & 3BR, hdwd flrs, custom

cabinets, avail now. $1100-$1200/mo + sec. 773-905-8487 Sec 8 Ok

2 BR $1300-$1499 LINCOLN PARK. 526-1/2 West

Addison #118. Available now-4/30 option to renew. Magnificent apartments, super light and airy, set off by a beautiful courtyard. Laundry room, storage lockers. Steps from the lake, steps from transportation and steps from shopping and recreation. Resident engineer. 5/2 bedroom $1465.

Heat and appliances included. to see call 312-822-1037 weekdays until 5:30pm, Saturdays to 3pm.

LINCOLN PARK 518 West Addison. Available 2/15. Magnificent apartments, super light and airy, set off by a beautiful courtyard. Laundry room, storage lockers. Steps from the lake, steps from transportation and steps from shopping and recreation. Resident engineer. 5/2 bedroom $1750. Heat and appliances included.

To see call 312-822-1037 weekdays until 5:30pm, Saturdays to 3pm.

FANTASTIC WRIGLEYVILLE 2 bdrm apt avail April 1!

Dec. fireplace, lovely hdwd flrs, glassed in sunporch off of Living Room! Formal Dining Room, BIG Kitchen with pantry!

Onsite lndry/storage. Close to Jewel/El stops! $1575, tenant htd.

(773) 381-0150 www.theschirmfirm.com

EAST L A K E V I E W / WRIGLEYVILLE Newly renovated, sunny, 2 bedroom apartment in elegant vintage greystone building w/hardwood floors, dishwasher, air-conditioning, backyard patio, washer/dryer on premises. $1400/ month. Call Nat 773-880-2414.

APARTMENT FOR RENT 5 1/2 large room apartment in 2 floor building, newly decorated, $1300. Heat included. Deposit needed. No pets. 5845 N Maplewood, Chicago. Call 773293-3399

OLD IRVING PARK 2BR apartment, 1300-SQFT. hardwood floors, granite countertops, breakfast area in kitchen, SS appliances, close to Blue Line, laundry in building, $1400/mo. 773919-0221

2 BR $1500 AND OVER

BUENA PARK LANDMARK district. Available now. Trendy/ traditional ambience. 1014 W Irving Park.

Exceptionally large apartments. High ceilings, burnished oak floors, Tiffany fixtures, food bar, butler pantries, bult-in buffets, ornate mirrors, etc.

Laundry on premises, great transportation and shopping steps away.

Heat and modern appliances included. 5 rooms, 2 full bedrooms. $1500.

For appointment call 312-822-1037 weekdays until 5:30pm, Saturdays to 3pm.

GOLD COAST.

1548 North LaSalle #105. Available 2/1-4/30. Option to renew. Authentic 1890s unbelievable charm. A modernized antique updated for today’s living. Magnificent courtyard building in Most Wanted area of Chicago. Many apartments have gas fireplaces. Heat and appliances included. 4/2 bedroom $1765. For showing call 312-822-1037 weekdays until 5:30pm, Saturday to 3pm.

EVANSTON 818 FOREST Ave Apt A-1. Stately building on quiet street, near Sheridan Road Sedate residential area. Near Main Street, shops, restaurants and transportation. Heat and appliances included.

We will fax floor plans upon request.

Large 5.5 rooms/ 2 bedrooms/ 2 baths. Available 3/1. $1650. For appointment call 312-822-1037 weekdays until 5:30pm, Saturdays to 3pm.

OPEN HOUSE FEBRUARY 13,

2016 from 9am until 4pm. Pickup your applica-tions on the above days. 3828 North Mozart St. Chicago second floor. It has electric fireplace and a fan in the dining room and kitchen.

2 BR OTHER NEW YEARS RESOLUTION, rent for less! PRINCETON PARK HOMES. Rents Starting at $816/mo.

A privately-owned south side Chicago rental town home community since 1944. Two and three bedroom residences featuring: • Spacious landscaped grounds • Walk to public transportation (CTA, “El”) • Nearby public and private schools • Ample parking • Convenient to shopping • Centrally located Campus Park • Easy access to Dan Ryan • Annual Resident’s Lawn & Garden Contest. Each unit includes: • Deck or patio • Private front and rear entrance • Basement with hook-ups for washer and dryer • Modern kitchen and bathroom cabinetry. For more information contact our rental office at: Princeton Park Homes • Phone: 773-264-3005.

9119 S. Stewart Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60620. Special movein credits. on selected units.

Visit our website at www. ppkhomes.com ROUND LAKE BEACH, IL Cedar Villas is accepting applications for Subsidized 2 and 3 bedroom apt waiting list. Rent is based on 30% of annual income for qualified applicants. Contact us at 847-546-1899 for details CHICAGO, PRINCETON PARK

HOMES. Spac 2 - 3 BR Townhomes, Inclu: Prvt entry, full bsmt, lndry hook-ups. Ample prkg. Close to trans & schls. Starts at $816/mo. www. ppkhomes.com;773-264-3005

MATTESON 2 & 3 BR AVAIL. 2BR, $990-$1050; 3BR, $1250-$1400.

Move In Special is 1 Month’s Rent & $99 Security Deposit. Section 8 Welcome. Call 708-748-4169

Free Flat Screen!! ! 109th/ Princeton and 75th/Honore, 35BR, Remodeled w/ hdwd flrs. $700-$1500. Sect 8 OK. 773-4942247

3 BR OR MORE UNDER $1200

61st/Rhodes. Newly Decorated 3BR, 7 rooms, $875. 74th & East End, 2BR/DR, $825. 76th & Drexel, 2BR $725 Heat incl.

773-874-9637 or 773-493-5359 LOGAN SQUARE - 3BR Apt. Pay own utilities. $800/mo + 1 month security. No pets. By Sawyer and Dickens. 773-557-5966 8001 S. DOBSON: 3BR $900, H/W flrs. stove, fridge, heat incl.

1 mo. free, Sec. 8 Welcome 312.208.

1771, 708.890.1694

Austin Area, 5016 West Adam, 3BR, 2nd floor, newly decorated, section 8 welcome. $900/ month plus 1 mo security 630-915-2755 AUSTIN 6 ROOMS, 3 BR, 2 flat, quiet building.

4923 W. Walton. $900+ security.

708-865-8903 CALUMET CITY, 3BR, 1.5BA, 2 car gar, fully rehab w/gorgeous finishes w/ hdwd flrs. Sec 8 OK. $1125/mo Call 510-735-7171

4 BR, 1.5 BA, 2 car garage, section 8 OK. $1100-$1300 + security, modern kitchen & bath, wood fireplace & 2 car garage.847-9091538 CHICAGO: E. ROGERS Park 6726 N. Bosworth Ave. Beaut. 3BR, 2BA, DR, LR, Hrdwd flrs. Nr trans/ shops. Heat, appls, laundry incl. $1375. Available now. 847-475-3472 4700 WEST WESTEND, Newly rehabbed, 3BR, 1.5BA, beautiful 2 flat bldg & hdwd flrs, appliances, Section 8 welcome. 224-456-6364 NEWLY

REHABBED,

6 rms,

3BR, Dining rm, hdwd flrs, laundry rm, parking space, tenants pay utils. $1250/mo. 773-744-0763 DELUXE 4BRS ($1300) & 1BRs

($800). Hardwood flrs and appls incl, close to trans, schools.

Sec 8 Welcome. 773-443-3200

PARK FOREST 3 Kentucky Ct, 3BR, 2BA, newly dec $1300/mo. avail now. 1 m sec &1 mo rent. Tenant pays heat. 773-851-4576

3 BR OR MORE $1500-$1799 MARQUETTE PARK 7313 S Artesian, beaut rehab 3BR/2BA house, granite ctrs, SS appls, whirlpl tub, fin bsmt, 2-car gar. $1585. 708-288-4510 MARQUETTE PARK 7313 S Artesian, beaut rehab 3BR/2BA house, granite ctrs, SS appls, whirlpl tub, fin bsmt, 2-car gar. $1585. 708-288-4510

CHICAGO 3 BEDROOM home at 343 West 108th Place. appls incl, no dogs. section 8 ok. $975 plus heat 773-315-1413

SEC 8 WELCOME, no security dep., 6717 S Rhodes, 3-level, 5BR, 2BA house, appls incl, $1300/mo.

708-288-4510

CALUMET CITY. 3 bedroom. No

7BDR/2 FULL BATH House for

pets. No smoking. Water is included. $1100 per month. Call 708-774-8010 for more details.

EVANSTON 1125 DAVIS, 1603

Ridge. Near Northwestern, downtown Evanston, shops, restaurants, movies, el, Metra. Large kitchens, spacious closets, laundry on premises, hardwood floors. Heat and appliances included. 4 bedrooms, 2 baths. Available now. $2750. For appointment call 312-822-1037, weekdays until 5:30pm, Saturdays to 3pm.

5BR, 3BA HOUSE, fenced yard, fin bsmt, security camera, sec 8 welcome. $2500/mo Serious Inquries only. Call 773-443-6307

3 BR OR MORE OTHER

ROOMS FOR RENT - newly remodeled, private rooms, shared bath, utilities included, unfurnished. Ask that indi-viduals be respectful of others & be clean. Contact Thomas for more info at 312-981-9506 SECTION 8 WELCOME Chicago, Updated 3BR House, 11734 Prairie. Appliances included. $1350/mo. Tenant pays own utilities. Near public trans 708-4087075

NEWLY REMODELED single family home, 3-4BR, 91st & Racine, 77th & Ashland. Section 8 welcome. $1300-1400 Call 773-8588028 113 61 S. THROOP, newly remodeled, 4BR, 1.5BA, newly tiled bath/kitchen, hdwd floors. Section 8 ok, $1350/ mo + sec, 773-616-5916 OAK LAWN, 5BR, 3BA, 2 kitchens, sun room, 2 jacuzzis, HUGE family room, fireplace, wet bar, all appls incl., $2500/mo + sec dep.

Credit check req’d. 708-203-4800 UNIVERSITY PARK. 4, 3 & 2BR, House/Condo, Section 8 ok.

For information: 708-625-7355

NEAR 83RD & Yates. 5BR, 2BA, hdwd flrs, fin basement, stove & fridge furn. Heat incl. $1600 + 1 mo sec. Sect 8 ok. 773-978-6134

CHICAGO WEST SIDE Attn: Sec 8 holders! No Sec Dep + $100 Back. 3- 5 Bdrms. Everything New + Lndry & A/C. Call O 312-671-3999

Quiet block. Remodeled kitchen and bath, fresh paint. Sec 8 welcome. $1150. Mike 312-446-8713

3 BR OR MORE $1800-$2499

6343 S. ROCKWELL - 3BR, incl heat. hdwd flrs, lndry facility, fenced in bldg, fireplace, appiances

EVANSTON. 1703-1713 RIDGE

3 & 4 BDRM, 2 Bath Houses & Apts in Woodlawn. Completely Rehabbed. Section 8 welcome.

Contact 773.784.7900.

12205 S. MORGAN. 3BR/2BA.

$995/mo. Sec 8 ok. 773-791-1920

EAST GARFIELD PARK, West Side -Newly Rehab 3BR Apts. $850 - $1195 / month 773-230-6132 or 773-931-6108

3 BR OR MORE $1200-$1499 7409 S EVANS 2nd Fl. 3 bed

$1,350 Heat Incl. Greystone fence building, Great area, Corner of Tanner Elem. Hrdw Fls. Appls incl 773298-1022

near Northwestern, downtown Evanston, shops, restaurant, movies, el, Metra. Large kitchens, spacious closets, laundry on premises, hardwood floors. Heat and appliances included.

4 bedrooms, 2 baths. Available now. $2395. For appointment call 312-8221037 weeekdays until 5:30pm, Saturdays to 3pm

3 BR OR MORE $2500 AND OVER BEAUTIFUL 4 BEDROOM / 2 bath house in great location Golf Rd. & Milwaukee Ave. Libertyville $2350.

00 one month deposit 239 560 9774

MENTS for rent, Beautiful 1 & 2+ Bedrooms, brick, new SS apps., a few steps from the Damon Blue line, coin laundry, no sec. deposit, credit check required $1850$2850/mo. 773-319-7060

Fully Equippped BBQ Resturant for rent at 1535 W. 79th St. Rent, $895/mo. Contact 773-899-9529 or 708-421-7630

FOR SALE LAKE LOT ON Eagle Lake, Ontar-

io, 1.48 acres, nice bay, beautiful south view, great fishing, hunting, etc. Asking $65,000 U.S. or best offer. 807-755-5388 or 807-727-0622

NEAR UIC-TWO BDRM/

washer-dryer in uit/all applicances/ pkg/storage/Shirley WeisenburgerBroker-708-403-8375/

WE BUY HOUSES Any Condition. Chicago/Suburbs. ALL CASH QUICK CLOSING Call/Text 773556-7741

MATTESON, SAUK VILLAGE &

Rent. Recently Rehabbed. Garage park-ing included. $1500 per month.

Section8 welcome. 773-386-4110.

3BDR/1 FULL APT. for Rent. Recently Rehabbed. $1000 per month.

NoSecDep.Heat included. Section8 welcome. 773-386-4110.

WICKER PARK LOFT APART-

MATTESON, SAUK VILLAGE &

UNIVERSITY PARK. 4, 3 & 2BR, House/Condo, Section 8 ok.

For information: 708-625-7355

CHICAGO HOUSES FOR rent.

Section 8 Ok, w/app credit $500 gift certificate 3, 4 & 5 BR houses avail.

312-446-3333 or 708-752-3812

WE BUY HOUSES CASH Apts & Commercial foreclosures, any area, price or condition. We close fast! 708-506-2997

non-residential SELF-STORAGE CENTERS. T W O locations to serve you. All

units fully heated and humidity controlled with ac available. North: Knox Avenue.

773-685-6868.

South: Pershing Avenue. 773-523-6868.

GENERAL WICKER PARK LOFT APARTMENTS for rent, Beautiful 1 & 2+

Bedrooms, brick, new SS appliances, hottest location across from El, $1850-$2850/mo. 773-895-4778

2BR+

NR

83RD/JEFFREY,

heated, decor FP, hdwd flrs, lots of storage, formal DR, intercom, newly remod kitchen & bath. $1000. Missy 773-241-9139

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STRAIGHT DOPE

By Cecil Adams Q : If plug-in cars become a reality, how will we pay for highways without a federal gas tax? —STEVE PHELAN

A : You’re right that relying on a federal gas tax to pay for highway upkeep is an unsustainable scenario, Steve, but you’re not exactly describing some distant carbon-free future. It ain’t working now, either.

Consider: The nation’s roadways are supported by a tax on gas that goes into the Highway Trust Fund, established in 1956 to help build the interstate system. This arrangement derives from the quaint notion that the feds should be responsible for a few basic infrastructure-related commitments— say, drivable roads. But that proposition’s been in question at least since 1993, which was the last time Congress could agree to raise the gas tax (currently 18.4 cents per gallon for regular, 24.4 cents for diesel).

According to one estimate, adjusted for inflation the value of the tax fell 28 percent from 1997 to 2011.

To put it mildly, we’re not keeping pace.

A recent study by the American Society of Civil Engineers found that the U.S. will need to invest $2.7 trillion by 2020 to maintain roads, bridges, and transit systems. The federal levy (there are state and local taxes too) currently pulls in about $30 billion a year, which, you’ll notice, isn’t quite going to make it. We can expect things to get worse. Not only has the tax not gone up, gas sales have been more or less stagnant since 2002. And the Department of Energy expects revenues to decline as much as 21 percent (from 2013 levels) by 2040.

But that doesn’t have a whole lot to do with any widespread adoption of electric cars.

Indeed, in 2014 Americans bought a mere 123,000 new electric vehicles out of a total of 16.5 million new vehicles sold nationwide.

According to government projections, just 7 percent of the cars on the road in 2040 will be hybrid or electric.

Still, if we figure out a way to wean ourselves from the gas tax now, we’ll be better equipped for some eventual future that involves more widespread use of electric cars and other non-gas-burning vehicles.

Ideas floated in this regard include a federal tax on the purchase of new vehicles, an annual tax on vehicle registrations, and a mileage-based tax.

Of these, the mileage-based user fee, or MBUF, seems to have the greatest traction.

California is currently looking for 5,000 volunteer drivers for a pilot program to determine the feasibility of such a regime; Oregon has signed up more than 1,000 since last July.

It makes sense on its face, but some logistical issues present themselves: How, for instance, to track the mileage? One way would be an annual odometer inspection, but doing away with the relatively painless per-gallon tax addon and replacing it with a yearly lump sum is going to be a tough sell for consumers. What about a device in the car that records mileage continuously—say, via GPS? This raises obvious, and understandable, concerns about privacy; it’s not like the government doesn’t have access to enough of your personal data already. A study undertaken by the Colorado Department of Transportation investigating the idea of an MBUF system neatly encapsulates the challenges to its implementation: the authors concluded that Colorado would be best off as a “near follower,” rather than a “national leader,” in adopting MBUF. In other words, let somebody else figure out the details, and then we’ll think about it.

That’s at the state level, of course. Might such a system be adopted nationally? Don’t be ridiculous. Meanwhile, this time last year President Obama floated a plan to bolster the transportation fund with a 14 percent repatriation tax on offshore cash held by U.S. corporations—a perfectly fine proposal, and one with zero chance of becoming reality in the current political climate.

It’s possible we’re not thinking nearly far enough outside the box here. A recent Wall Street Journal article suggested that, with the dual advent of self-driving cars and ride-sharing concepts such as Uber, individual vehicle ownership might swiftly be on its way out. In the paradigm-shifting scenario envisioned, travelers wouldn’t own their driverless cars; they’d pay by the mile. That still doesn’t solve how to pay for roads, of course. Some things even Silicon Valley can’t fix. v Send questions to Cecil via straightdope.com or write him c/o Chicago Reader, 350 N. Orleans, Chicago 60654.

FEBRUARY 11, 2016 - CHICAGO READER 35

Valentines G I F T

G U I D E

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IF BAE HAPPENS TO BE OVERSEAS FEB 14, FORGET PHONE SEX OR DICK PICS AND SLIDE IN THE WE-VIBE 4 PLUS. The wildly popular couples’ vibrator now has an app that coe\l ]af ^dd\ll na ie\ kabfl modes, and allows you to program and save your own unique vibration patterns.

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36 CHICAGO READER - FEBRUARY 11, 2016

ONCE TIED UP, TICKLE WITH A PLEASURE FEATHER, TANTALIZE WITH A PINWHEEL, OR MASSAGE WITH SENSUAL OIL. Light up our aromatic candle to set a romantic mood, then drizzle the warm (never too hot) oil on your lover’s body.

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SAVAGE LOVE

By Dan Savage

Can a kinky introvert be compatible with a kinky extrovert?

Plus: a trans woman sticks zir nose in, a would-be bottom seeks tips for anal Q: Gay male in my late 20s.

I recently ended things with a guy. Our relationship started as a strictly sexual one. We’re both involved in the kink scene in our city and have interests that align in a particularly great way.

Quickly it became clear there was a real connection.

The next two months were great! But early on, I noticed that he was a much more extroverted person than I was. He would laugh loudly at movies, work the room at parties, say things about kink in the middle of crowded restaurants. I prefer to blend in. Initially I thought of this as the “price of admission,” one I was willing to pay, but it soon became tiresome.

I ended things, telling him that there were conflicts with our personalities that made a relationship difficult, not specifying what. He fell for me—he’s stated it over and over—but I don’t want him to think he has to change who he is to be with me. I’m confused, Dan. I loved being in a relationship again (I’ve been single for a VERY long time). We have a ton in common. He’s asking me to reconsider. Was I right to end this? —TIRED OF BEING SINGLE

A: He shouldn’t have to change who he is to be with you, TOBS, but what if he wants to?

It’s unlikely he’ll morph into quiet, discreet introvert, just as you’re unlikely to morph into a braying, oversharing extrovert. But if making an effort to dial it back is the price he has to pay to be with you, why not let him decide if he’s willing to pay?

Gays represent a tiny percentage of the general population, TOBS, and kinky gays represent a not-so-tiny-butstill-smallish percentage of the gay population. I don’t

think you have to marry this man, but you should think twice about discarding a guy who’s gay and kinky and whose company you enjoy most of the time just because he gets on your nerves now and then.

At the very least, you owe it to yourself, just as you owe it to him, to be specific about the reasons you pulled the plug—because he might want to make an effort to win you back.

Q: I’m a gay male college

student in a healthy D/s relationship with a bisexual guy. My boyfriend posts pictures of our kink sessions to his Tumblr. (No faces.)

A trans woman active in campus queer politics confronted me today. Ze had seen my boyfriend’s Tumblr (!) and recognized me (!!!). Ze demanded I stop engaging in BDSM because ze has to see me on campus and knowing my boyfriend “controls and abuses” me is triggering for zir. Ze said images of me in medical restraints were particularly traumatizing. Ze was shaking and crying, and I wound up comforting zir. I stupidly let zir think I would stop. Now what? —SCENARIO UTTERLY BANANAS

A: You tell this woman

you take orders from your boyfriend, SUB, not from random campus nutcases.

You advise zir to stay away from Tumblr porn ze finds traumatizing. And if ze pushes back, you explain to zir that if anyone’s being controlling and abusive here, it’s zir. And if ze starts shaking and crying, SUB, direct zir to the student health center.

Q: I’m a 24-year-old gay

male. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year. I have a hang-up when it comes to

anal sex. I like bottoming, and I’ve had my fair share of great experiences, but I’ve bottomed only once with my boyfriend. I think I’ve identified why: The ceremonies around anal sex (the lube and condoms part) turn me off due to the smell of the lube and the sound of the condom wrapper.

It brings up memories of times when I didn’t have a great time bottoming.

Additionally, he is a little bigger than most, so there’s that. What do you suggest?

Would it be as simple as finding a lube that doesn’t smell so much? When I top him, which is something we both enjoy, there isn’t a problem. —WANTS ANAL NOW, GODDAMNIT!

A: There are ten million

brands of lube on the market, kiddo. Shop around until you find one that doesn’t offend your nostrils. As for the condom-wrapper issue, try opening condoms ten or 20 minutes in advance.

To get a handle on your performance anxiety and those negative associations—bad memories of lousy experiences, fear of your boyfriend’s big ol’ dick, concerns about whether you’ll have to bail—get some butt toys of varying sizes, and use ’em when you’re alone. With no boyfriend around to disappoint, the penetration will be about your pleasure. In a month or two, with a little effort and nonstinky lube, you’ll have built up a store of positive associations and gained some confidence.

And finally, WANG, if nothing works . . . maybe you’re a top? v Send letters to mail@ savagelove.net. Download the Savage Lovecast every Tuesday at thestranger.com. v @fakedansavage

FEBRUARY 11, 2016 - CHICAGO READER 37

b Son Lux 5/19, 8:30 PM, Constellation, on sale Fri 2/12, 11 AM, 18+ April Verch 4/10, 7 PM, Szold Hall, Old Town School of Folk Music b Wild Nothing 5/3, 9:30 PM, Thalia Hall, on sale Fri 2/12, 10 AM, 17+ Yak 3/25, 10 PM, Hideout, on sale Fri 2/12, 10 AM

UPCOMING

Beach Slang ò CRAIG SCHEIHING

NEW

Afrika Bambaataa 4/16, 9 PM, the Promontory The Bad Plus Joshua Redman 4/21, 7 and 9:30 PM, Maurer Hall, Old Town School of Folk Music b Julien Baker 4/14, 9 PM, Lincoln Hall, on sale Fri 2/12, noon Martin Barre 9/30, 7 PM, Reggie’s Rock Club Little Charlie Baty, Anson Funderburgh 4/22, 9 PM, FitzGerald’s, Berwyn, on sale Fri 2/12, 11 AM Beach Slang 5/16, 5 PM, Bottom Lounge b Beyonce 5/27, 6 PM, Soldier Field, on sale Tue 2/16, 10 AM b Big Black Delta 5/5, 9 PM, Empty Bottle, on sale Fri 2/12, 10 AM Black Dahlia Murder 5/23, 7:30 PM, Beat Kitchen, on sale Fri 2/12, noon, 17+ Black Lillies 5/5, 8 PM, City Winery, on sale Thu 2/11, noon b Black Tusk 3/5, 9 PM, Reggie’s Rock Club, 17+ Borns 7/22, 7:30 PM, Metro, on sale Fri 2/12, noon b Copyrights 5/13, 8 PM, Cobra Lounge Counterparts 3/31, 7 PM, Beat Kitchen, 17+ Dead & Company 7/9-10, 7:30 PM, Alpine Valley Music Theatre, East Troy, on sale Sat 2/13, 10 AM Deer Tick, Ryley Walker 4/7, 7 and 10 PM, Maurer Hall, Old Town School of Folk Music b Del the Funky Homosapien 5/12, 8 PM, Reggie’s Rock Club, 17+ Escort 3/31, 8 PM, Thalia Hall, on sale Fri 2/12, 10 AM, 17+

Fat White Family, Dilly Dally 4/27, 9 PM, Empty Bottle, on sale Fri 2/12, 10 AM Floating Points 5/7, 9 PM, Metro, 18+ Radney Foster 3/12, 8 PM, Szold Hall, Old Town School of Folk Music b Jeffrey Foucault 4/3, 7 PM, SPACE, Evanston, on sale Fri 2/12, 10 AM b Freddie Gibbs 4/20, 8:30 PM, Thalia Hall, on sale Fri 2/12, 10 AM, 17+ Miguel Gutierrez and Mind Over Mirrors 4/19, 8 PM, Thalia Hall, on sale Fri 2/12, 10 AM b Haelos, Twin Limb 4/7, 9 PM, Empty Bottle Hall & Oates, Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings 7/22, 7 PM, Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre, Tinley Park, on sale Sat 2/13, 10 AM b Honky 4/29, 8 PM, Reggie’s Rock Club, 17+ James Hunter Six 5/13, 8 PM, City Winery, on sale Thu 2/11, noon b John 5 & the Creatures 3/6, 7 PM, Reggie’s Rock Club, 17+ Lucy Kaplansky 5/6, 7 PM, Szold Hall, Old Town School of Folk Music b Alan Kelly Gang 3/6, 5 PM, Szold Hall, Old Town School of Folk Music b Simon Kirke & the Empty Pockets 3/10, 8 PM, City Winery, on sale Thu 2/11, noon b Habib Koite & Vusi Mahlasela 4/6, 7 PM, Maurer Hall, Old Town School of Folk Music b Leo Kottke 4/8-9, 8 PM, SPACE, Evanston, on sale Fri 2/12, 10 AM b Robby Krieger 6/3, 7:30 PM, City Winery, on sale Thu 2/11, noon b Kvelertak, Torche 4/23, 6:30 PM, Bottom Lounge, 17+

38 CHICAGO READER - FEBRUARY 11, 2016

Lukas Graham 4/21, 7:30 PM, Double Door, on sale Fri 2/12, 10 AM b Lumineers, Soak 6/19, 7 PM, Chicago Theatre, on sale Fri 2/12, 10 AM b Mike Mains & the Branches 3/25, 9 PM, Beat Kitchen Mickey Factz, Candis, Asa, Shaffer Jones 3/2, 9 PM, the Promontory, 18+ Milk & Bone 4/8, 8:30 PM, Constellation, on sale Fri 2/12, 10 AM, 18+ Mobb Deep 4/8, 9 PM, the Promontory, 18+ Bruce Molsky 4/30, 8 PM, Szold Hall, Old Town School of Folk Music b Thurston Moore Group, Promised Land Sound 3/24, 9 PM, Empty Bottle Kevin Morby, Jaye Bartell 6/15, 8 PM, Schubas, on sale Fri 2/12, noon Mothers 5/7, 9 PM, Empty Bottle, on sale Fri 2/12, 10 AM Mountain Heart 4/23, 8 PM, Szold Hall, Old Town School of Folk Music b Carrie Newcomer, David Wilcox 4/29, 8 PM, City Winery, on sale Thu 2/11, noon b Ought 7/25, 8 PM, Beat Kitchen, 17+ Parquet Courts 4/20, 9 PM, Metro, 18+ Protomen 4/30, 6 PM, Reggie’s Rock Club, on sale Fri 2/12, 11 AM b Radical Face 5/22-23, 8 PM, Thalia Hall b Rogue Wave 5/26, 8 PM, Thalia Hall, on sale Fri 2/12, 10 AM b Corky Siegel’s Chamber Blues with Ernie Watts 5/31, 8 PM, City Winery, on sale Thu 2/11, noon b Skulx 3/25, 8 PM, Wire, Berwyn, 18+ Sol 3/29, 7 PM, Subterranean b

Abbath, High on Fire, Skeletonwitch 4/8, 6:45 PM, Metro, 18+ Amon Amarth, Entombed A.D. 5/5, 7:30 PM, Riviera Theatre b Big Pink 3/7, 9 PM, Subterranean, 17+ Brand New, Modest Mouse 7/2, 7:15 PM, FirstMerit Bank Pavilion b Rhys Chatham 5/20, 8:30 PM, Constellation, 18+ Coheed & Cambria, Glassjaw 2/26, 7 PM, Aragon Ballroom Dr. Dog 3/12, 8 PM, Riviera Theatre, 18+ Dream Theater 4/30, 8 PM, Chicago Theatre b Florence & the Machine, Of Monsters & Men 6/12, 7:30 PM, Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre, Tinley Park Future, Ty Dolla $ign 2/18, 8 PM, Aragon Ballroom, 17+ Bob Mould 5/6, 9 PM, Metro, 18+ Nada Surf 5/12, 8 PM, Thalia Hall b Yael Naim 2/22, 8 PM, City Winery b Nap Eyes, Cian Nugent 4/3, 9 PM, Empty Bottle Napalm Death, Melvins, Melt Banana 4/22, 8 PM, Metro, 18+ Graham Nash 5/11-12, 8 PM, City Winery b Naughty by Nature 2/20, 9 PM, House of Blues, 17+ The Necks 3/27, 8:30 PM, Constellation, 18+ John Mark Nelson 3/5, 10 PM, Schubas Jennifer Nettles, Brandy Clark, Lindsay Eli 3/18, 8 PM, the Venue at Horseshoe Casino, Hammond Sarah Neufeld 4/6, 8 PM, SPACE, Evanston b New Order 3/16, 7:30 PM, Chicago Theatre b Tim O’Brien, Old Man Luedecke 4/7, 7:30 PM, SPACE, Evanston b Aoife O’Donovan 4/1, 8 PM, SPACE, Evanston b Oneida 3/13, 9 PM, Empty Bottle Peter & the Test Tube Babies 4/2, 8 PM, Reggie’s Rock Club, 18+ Pig Destroyer 4/8, 7 PM, Reggie’s Rock Club, 17+ Noam Pikelny 2/18, 8 PM, SPACE, Evanston b

ALL AGES

WOLF BY KEITH HERZIK

EARLY WARNINGS

CHICAGO SHOWS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT IN THE WEEKS TO COME

F

Never miss a show again.

Sign up for the newsletter at chicagoreader. com/early

Polica 4/16, 8 PM, Thalia Hall b Iggy Pop 4/6, 8 PM, Chicago Theatre b Thermals 4/20, 9 PM, Lincoln Hall Washed Out (DJ set) 3/25, 10 PM, the Mid Yuck 4/6, 9 PM, Empty Bottle

SOLD OUT Animal Collective, Ratking 2/27, 7 PM, Concord Music Hall, 17+ At the Drive-In 5/19-20, 7:30 PM, Riviera Theatre b Courtney Barnett 4/28, 8 PM, Riviera Theatre, 18+ Beach House 3/1, 8 PM, the Vic, 18+ Chevy Metal 2/20-21, 9 PM, Metro, 18+ Chvrches 3/13-14, 8 PM, Riviera Theatre, 18+ Gary Clark Jr. 4/1, 8 PM, Riviera Theatre, 18+ The Cure, Twilight Sad 6/10-11, 7:30 PM, UIC Pavilion b Daughter 3/11, 8 PM, Metro b Andra Day 3/15, 7:30 PM, Lincoln Hall, 18+ Greg Dulli 3/18, 8 and 11 PM, Maurer Hall, Old Town School of Folk Music b Father John Misty, Tess & Dave 4/14-15, 8 PM, Riviera Theatre, 18+ Julia Holter 3/2, 8:30 PM, Constellation, 18+ Glenn Hughes 3/24, 7 PM, Reggie’s Rock Club, 17+ Carly Rae Jepsen 3/12, 8:30 PM, Metro b Less Than Jake 3/3-4, 7 PM, Double Door, 17+ Los Crudos, MK Ultra 3/26, 6:30 PM, Beat Kitchen b Melanie Martinez 3/17, 7:30 PM, the Vic b Rachel Platten 3/19, 7:30 PM, Park West b Charlie Puth 3/22, 7 PM, Park West b Shellac, Mono 3/30, 7 PM, Bottom Lounge, 17+ Snails 3/25, 8 PM, Concord Music Hall, 18+ They Might Be Giants 3/20, 3 PM, the Vic b Thrice 6/23, 6:30 PM, House of Blues, 17+ Underoath 4/7, 7 PM, Riviera Theatre b The Used 5/17-18, 8 PM, House of Blues, 17+ Wolfmother 2/25, 8:30 PM, Metro, 18+ X Ambassadors 4/6, 6 PM, House of Blues b v

GOSSIP WOLF A furry ear to the ground of the local music scene GOSSIP WOLF HAS BEEN missing the heck out of local live-music game show Shame That Tune since it went “off the air” with a good-bye episode at the Hideout last summer—so we’re stoked to report that former STT cohost and Baby Teeth front man Abraham Levitan has a brandnew music-related podcast! For Nerds on Tour the dependably hilarious Levitan talks to folks who’ve “endured in this nutty industry” (as he puts it) about how to do the same—including alt-country belter Kelly Hogan and New Yorker critic John Seabrook. Future episodes, which Levitan hopes to release weekly, will feature former Redwalls guitarist Andrew Langer, Empty Bottle owner Bruce Finkelman, and Thrill Jockey founder Bettina Richards. The podcast is available from the iTunes Store and at nerdsontourpod.com.

Gossip Wolf has spent the past few years convinced that Paper Mice singer and guitarist David Reminick was also the editor of the New Yorker—of course, that dude spells it David Remnick, which isn’t a dumb thing to miss at all. Anyway, for the past few years Reminick has been working toward a PhD in composition at Northwestern University, and on Fri 2/12 he presents his doctoral recital at Constellation. The program includes pieces for string quartet with vocals, solo trombone, and four detuned soprano saxophones— sounds like a prescription for weirdness!

Chicago rapper Rich Jones popped up in the Reader’s year-end music coverage thanks to last spring’s breezy “Milwaukee Ave.,” and next week he releases a mixtape called Pink Slips. Jones breaks from his usual slow-and-low rapping for much of the mixtape’s eight tracks, instead switching confidently to outright singing (or at least talk-singing). Guests on Pink Slips include soul combo the O’My’s, oneman band Netherfriends, and rapid rapper Taylor Bennett; Jones celebrates its release with a free show at Schubas on Tue 2/16. —J.R. NELSON AND LEOR GALIL Got a tip? Tweet @Gossip_Wolf or e-mail gossipwolf@chicagoreader.com.

STEFON HARRIS + SONIC CREED

Stefon Harris VIBES & MARIMBA Elena Pinderhughes FLUTE Mike Moreno GUITAR James Francies PIANO Joshua Crumbly BASS Jonathan Pinson DRUMS

feb

26 FRI 8:00

Rudresh Mahanthappa

Rudresh Mahanthappa Bird Calls Bird Calls

ALTO SAXOPHONE

Adam O’Farrill TRUMPET Joshua White PIANO François Moutin BASS Rudy Royston DRUMS

NPR ALBUM OF THE YEAR Grammy ®-nominated vibraphonist and composer Stefon Harris dazzles audiences and critics alike with his passionate artistry and energetic stage presence. He brings his new band Sonic Creed and their “high-gloss, dizzyingly virtuosic blend of postbop, funk and R&B-informed groove” (Time Out New York). Also featured on this remarkable program, world-class saxophonist Rudresh Mahanthappa pays homage to Charlie Parker with a set of bluesy, soaring works influenced by jazz music’s renowned titan of improvisation.

SYMPHONY CENTER PRESENTS JAZZ SERIES cso.org/jazz 312-294-3000

The SCP Jazz series is sponsored by:

Media Support:

Artists, prices and programs subject to change.

FEBRUARY 11, 2016 - CHICAGO READER 39

LET YOURSELF IN.

Lead Corporate Sponsors:

FEBRUARY 14â&#x20AC;&#x201C; MAY 10

Conservation Sponsor:

Lead support has been provided by the Estate of Jacquet McConville. Major support has been generously provided by Caryn and King Harris, The Harris Family Foundation; the Gilchrist Foundation; The Morris and Dolores Kohl Kaplan Fund; and Evonne and John Yonover. Additional funding has been contributed by Constance and David Coolidge, the Mason Foundation, Charlene and Mark Novak, and the Comer Family Foundation. Annual support for Art Institute exhibitions is provided by the Exhibitions Trust: Kenneth Griffin, Robert M. and Diane v.S. Levy, Thomas and Margot Pritzker, Betsy Bergman Rosenfield and Andrew M. Rosenfield, the Earl and Brenda Shapiro Foundation, and the Womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Board. The exhibition is supported by an indemnity from the Federal Council on the Arts and the Humanities.

Vincent van Gogh. The Bedroom (detail), 1889. Helen Birch Bartlett Memorial Collection.

40 CHICAGO READER - FEBRUARY 11, 2016