Quickies

Ruined orgasms, being more fuckable, and other questions

By DAN SAVAGE

Q : My partner wants me to give him a ruined orgasm. Where do I go to learn that?

a : Ruined orgasms are pretty easy. They’re so simple, in fact, that people sometimes give them to (or inflict them upon) their male partners by accident.

Here’s how you do it: bring your partner to the point of orgasmic inevitability— get him to that point where there’s no stopping his orgasm: even if Marjorie Taylor Greene were to burst in the room, he’s going to come—and then cease all stimulation. Take your hand off his dick, take his dick out of your mouth, li your pussy or ass off his dick—whatever you were doing to get hiim close, stop. He’ll come, but it won’t be anywhere near as pleasurable or intense as his usual orgasms, i.e., the orgasms he has when his cock is stimulated to and through the point of orgasm. a: Maybe you’re doing something wrong—but I couldn’t tell you what that might be without meeting you, getting to know you, and making polite inquiries about your voting history. But I can tell you what I would do if I were in your shoes: I would hire a brutally honest “life coach,” a personal trainer, and a hooker, but in reverse order. a: Bathe. a: Yes. a: No. a: Lesbians aren’t exactly crowding into bathhouses or around glory holes—nor are asexuals, demisexuals, sapiosexuals, etc., etc., etc. So, I’m going to assume you’re a gay man. Before I write another word: not all gay men find anonymous sex and/or public sex environments enticing. But the ones who do . . . they’re not doing it because they’re gay. They’re doing it because they’re men. I mean, if you told straight men there were placees where walls had holes in them and women were kneeling on the other side of those walls waiting to suck them off, straight men would go to those places There’s nothing gay men do that straight men wouldn’t if straight men could but straight men can’t because women won’t. As for why women won’t . . . the answer is equal parts disinterest (on the part of most women) and an entirely reasonable fear of male sexual violence (on the part of all women). a: You spit the dick out and go home. a: You’re allowed to fuck in hotel rooms. But fucking machines—at least the ones I’ve been in the same room with—are pretty fucking loud. They start loud, they stay loud. People fucking, on the other hand, typically only get loud toward the end of the fucking; once you can hear two people fucking in the room next to yours, you know it’s almost over. So, while I think we all have to put up with a little noisy fucking in the next room from time to time, I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect the

Q: How can I be more fuckable? I put myself out there, but no one bites. I’m done being a 31-year-old gay virgin. I am a clean person, shower every day, wear clean clothes, and was voted “most likely to brighten up a day” in school.

Q: What’s your number one tip for someone who has never been to a sex party before? It includes a wide range of ages, genders, orientations, and proclivities, and many nervous newbies on the invite list.

Q: Can a person who has always had open sexual relationships become monogamous?

Q: I never visualize having sex with my husband anymore. In my mind, it’s always someone else. Is that bad?

Q: Why is anonymous sex— in places like bathhouses and glory holes—so enticing to queer people like me?

Q: What do you do when you’re bored with the sexual smorgasbord and just want a few nights in?

Q: Quick etiquette question: Can I use my fucking machine in a hotel room?