SAVAGE LOVE

guests in the next room to put up with the noise of a fucking machine.

Q: I’m in love with my roommate. I think he likes me too. I just fear losing his friendship if I tell him. Any thoughts on how I should handle this?

a: If you don’t open your mouth . . . your roommate can’t stick his dick in there. Just don’t open your mouth and say, “I’m in love with you,” as that will instantly dial the emotional stakes up to 11. Instead, tell your roommate you’re attracted to him and reassure him—before he can even respond—that you will get over the awkwardness (and him) if he doesn’t feel the same way about you.

Q: How can I help a quick shooter have a slower draw? This D isn’t lasting long enough for me!

a: Some medications seem to help premature ejaculators—excuse me: some medications seem to help persons experiencing premature ejaculation (PEPE). Additionally, some PEPEs can train themselves to last longer by jacking off a few hours before sex with a partner, strengthening their pelvic floors, and edging themselves endlessly. But if nothing helps—and sometimes nothing does— and delaying penetration until a er you’re satisfied doesn’t work (because only a good, long, hard fuck can satisfy you), and your guy isn’t insecure about how his dick works, you should get a strap-on dildo. They’re suddenly everywhere in gay porn . . . and we all know what that means. (It means straight people will be giving each other strap-on dildos as wedding presents by next summer.)

Q: Top tips for being a good/smart third when playing with a couple?

a: Be clear about your expectations—what you’re into, what you’re not, what you’re comfortable with, what you aren’t—and politely decline if they aren’t clear about their expectations.

Q: Why do people say “ethical non-monogamy” when they just mean “dating”?

a: Because they mean different things. While some ENM people do date, some people in ENM relationships aren’t interested in dating (or allowed to date) outside sex partners; they don’t describe themselves as “dating” because 1. they aren’t dating, and 2. they don’t want to (or shouldn’t want to) mislead potential outside sex partners. And while people who ultimately want a committed ENM relationship can and do date, lots of people who date— lots of people out there fucking around with multiple partners—ultimately want a committed monogamous relationship and identifying as ENM would be misleading.

Q: I love sex, but I don’t enjoy getting off or seeing come. Is that weird?

a: Yes.

Q: Any queer-cuck related porn that you’d recommend?

a: Jack Hornwood’s erotic novellas (jackhornwood.com) are highly recommended. v

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@fakedansavage