JUNE 2024
Brown Skin
Written by Tee Taylor, social justice intern at CTJC
As a little girl, I wanted to be my best self to help others be their best version. If I were to be honest, I did not exactly know what I wanted to do It became abundantly clear after learning about the darkness that hides behind those who look like me, who have the same skin color and hair texture as me, and who are simply different in general. I realized that it was my duty as a Black person, a Black female, a Black non-binary queer person who had pushed past the odds that were stacked against me to help others. To help move through them with a systemically oppressed pattern and narrative that was so adamant about ruining the lives of others who were marginalized.
My background started in Mississippi growing up; I eventually became immune to the prejudices and discrimination along with the false narratives that were pushed onto me and my peers. While I started volunteering as an intern at CTJC, I heard of a situation in Mississippi that continues to reign fire within my bones A woman by the name of Bettersten Wade was looking for her son, Dexter Wade, for months without the help of the very police who are supposed to “protect and serve ” They were the same people who kept the truth that would change this mother’s life and her family forever. This was something that I would not wish for my worst enemy, let alone a mother, to experience “She asked neighbors, searched abandoned houses, called detectives, and posted messages on social media begging him to come home” (Warren & Lee, 2023). After calling, worrying, and looking for her son, she was finally called to come to Hinds County Penal Farm Taken past the gates that seemed home to several gravesites with numbered mounds of loosely packed dirt passing by them as she was led to the back of the clearing of markers, Bettersten Wade and her sister found the end of the search for her son She walked right up to a grave where her flesh and blood were buried.
Dexter was killed only an hour after leaving his mother's home with a friend while crossing the street Not only was he killed by a Jackson police car, but the police also knew that his name was Dexter and that Bettersten was his mother Instead of contacting her, the police decided it was better to let her worry for 172 days (about five and a half months), plagued with uncertainties as his body lay unclaimed for months in the Jackson morgue. Not only was Dexter, who had struggled with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, leaving behind a heartbroken mother, but there also were two little girls who would grow up wondering where their father was (Schuppe, 2023)
After paying the $250 fee to claim Dexter’s body, it would take several more weeks for Bettersten to give her son the proper burial he deserved, as she needed to figure out exactly where his body was under the mounds
To make matters worse, Dexter Wade was just one of 215 bodies later found buried in the unmarked graves behind a jail outside of Jackson, Mississippi, only a three-hour drive from my mother’s house
I believe Bettersten would have benefited from a center like CTJC to help her in not only searching for her loved one but also to provide the support for the feelings of heartbreak and grief that only a community could offer. Nobody connected with her as the police continued to use gaslighting tactics on her when she would ask for simple information or leads on anything dealing with her son I have found that the importance of CTJC is that it has provided for those in the Black and Brown community to be seen as individuals and not just another number. If you are currently reading this, think for a second. Have you heard anything about the bodies being found in Mississippi? Or that there were still mothers and other family members trying to advocate for their loved ones who were only guilty of not being white?
Quick history lesson: Where did “police officers” come from? Well, if you were thinking from the early 1700s, they began as “Slave Patrols,” establishing a system of terror to squash slave uprising with the capacity to pursue, apprehend, and return runaway slaves to their owners, you would be right This was started and created in the Carolinas, progressing over the South until the end of the Civil War. One of the things I always wondered was how there were so many lynchings that went without justice, how people felt that they could just come into an individual’s home, take an individual out of their homes, beat or torture them, and leave them for dead without the slightest bit of worry about consequences, especially with the 13th Amendment stating the freedom from slavery.
Well, after the War and the emergence of Reconstruction, the slave patrols were transformed into militia-style groups that were empowered to control and continue denying equal rights to formerly enslaved people (The Origins, 2021).
Jon Burge tortured many individuals only to serve 4 5 years on account of lying under oath–not torture While the City of Chicago did issue a public apology to survivors, the ones responsible (Burge and his disciples) did not even give a public apology to the victims, their loved ones, or their families.
Only so much can be said in this article that can break down the horrors The continued abuse inside and outside the prisons The torture behind closed doors. The uncertainty. Oppression. The lack of accountability. The fact that I, as an “educated Black woman,” find myself censoring myself not just to be another stereotype. I should be happy to be where I am or just for the simple idea of respect.
There is only so much I can say, as I have not been incarcerated I have not been exempted from racism, sexism, or homophobia, yet I feel as if that is not enough for this to feel as real as it is for those of us who have been on the worst ends of the systemic oppression that continues to loom over us. To make this more personal, I decided it was better to ask the CTJC community what they see in the mirror
One of the responses written by one of the individuals named Malik ended with “What do you see, Tee?” I see the necessary changes I will bring, even if it is the last thing I do on this Earth. I see a community struggling for fundamental human rights. I see…
Whatdo you seein mirror? the
Sometimes just another n***a Hard times turnt me a deala Jackboy made me kill em Incarceration made me bitter What do I see in the mirror? Who is this me in the mirror? Is he a winner or failure? Honestly I can’t tell you!
A rapper, a con, a member. A person who you can depend on, but lately I been feeling stepped on My reflections be saying I’m Teflon Cause today when I looked in the mirror told him that I would do betta
Last night I was walking the deck with a chip on my shoulder muggin whoeva Greedy that there was the monkey
So now I’m looking Junkie I’m high all the time also hungry So now I’m staring at a dummy! Maybe not in a literal sense Let me make it make sense
Chasing a dollar from copper to quarter No matter its form as long as it’s cents
You see what I mean, I’m smarter than this enemy in the inner me
So I close my eyes I don’t need a mirror And I’m writing down what I see
Jose Guadalupe Saucedo Streetbabygreedy or SBG
Star of my show, king of my kingdom
That mean RULER OF E-VERY-Y-THING So what do I see in the mirror? Who is this me in the mirror? Is he a winner or failure?
Maybe NEXT TIME I CAN TELL YOU!
-Jose Saucedo AKA Streetbabygreedy
Here's what l see: l see layers and layers of my old self hidden under new skin, l see hurt eyes that witness to many dark days and cold summers, l see a person who lived through abandonment issues, broken relationships and unfullfilled promises, l see a survivor that carries the spirit of his ancestors, l see someone that is loyal, caring, and understanding, l see me!
I am a conscious man now at 31 years of age. Once upon a time, I thought as a boy, acted as one, and was very naive about life and experiences.
Gazing in the mirror with my eyes prior to redemption and hope, which was unknown, I looked in the mirror and saw a teenage boy who was pained by circumstances, misinformed, traumatized because he was fatherless and everything in his environment was disruptive, which consumed my innerconsciousness. How will I make it out?
I’ve been in prison for 15 years and when I look in the mirror, I see an intellectual man who is on a mission to be vibrant, creative, in his endeavors.
A man who values family and dreams of one day having my own to impact with wisdom, knowledge, and understanding.
I strive to be enriching as a business man through entrepreneurship, trade skill sets, real estate My struggles are lessons that compel me to be all that I am strong, confident and above all upon being open-minded to love, learn, and grow as an original asiatic man who come from greatness and greatness is the inspiration.
When I look in the mirror? I see purpose through being king as a man thinketh so is he peace
-Eric Gholston
I unapologetically see a leader, I see enormous amounts of positive energy. With this silver & black crown of mine, I see an older and much more wiser man who plays chess now, not so much checkers. I see a man who has spent over 3 decades and counting, who is totally innocent of the crime he’s been in prison for I also see a man who has betrayed his community with ignorance and proliferation of drugs (poison) to our people
The mirror highlights the lessons learned, the blessings that follow, and scars (the ones you see & the ones that you don’t see) that teach me to continue to do and be a better man With the release of my brother Brian “Friday” Beals, the mirror illuminates HOPE we have a highly intelligent leader back in our community, that knows all too well the reflections from the similar mirror that I look at right now, he has insight from this side of the criminal justice system with its reflection of ‘systemic racism’, our views are for the betterment of the community.
Finally, I see my kids, grandkids, my family, and our community I know now that it’s not just me, it’s WE and this is what I see when I look in the mirror!
-Delandis Adams
